Work Text:
The first time Sam Wilson heard about soulmates was in his house, his mother mentioning the color of his fathers shirt offhandedly, forgetting for a moment that her son couldn’t see them yet.
The first time he had gotten an explanation was in school, just like every other kid, he was told that it was the closest thing we had to magic. That the first time soulmates had skin to skin touch you’d be able to see the colors, that whenever you touched you’d be able to see the world in color, and that the first kiss made colors permanent. But that once they died, the world go back to black and white.
It was known that not many people found theirs anymore, but he was 12 and stubborn and determined. He was going to be just like his parents.
When Sam Wilson is 20 he meets Riley, he falls in love. He takes a risk and holds his hand, the world stays black and white, and he thinks he understands why his aunt says that you don’t need a soulmate to be happy.
When Riley dies, there is a bitter part of him that thanks the universe for not making them soulmates.
***
The first time James “Bucky” Barnes heard about soulmates was through the TV, his parents weren’t soulmates but they were happy, and he knew that Steves parents sure as hell weren’t soulmates. He hears the TV couple explain to their kids how it works.
He reaches out to hold Steves hand and wonders if the universe can make mistakes.
He decides at about 17 that maybe soulmates are overrated, that the universe is too mysterious to trust.
As he’s falling and hears Steve’s cry, he decided the universe is a bitch that knows too much and probably hates his guts.
***
The Winter Soldier can’t remember how he learned about soulmates, he simply knows, he knows people become obsessed with them in times of strife and he knows that things like him don’t get soulmates. At least, that’s why Hydra tells him.
As he’s tracked down by two men he almost killed he wonders if maybe Hydra was wrong.
***
Bucky is in his room, staring at his hands going the last 3 missions, where he’s almost touched sams arm, shoulder or hand. He debates every night whether he should come clean. A knock sounds from his door and Sam enters.
“Hey, man, wanna join me for midnight pizza?”
Bucky grunts and stands up, Sam smiles at him, a smile that sends electricity through Bucky’s body. Not that he’d ever tell Sam that, the beautiful bastard.
About twice a week, when Sam nor Bucky can get rest and it’s around 1am, they both eat pizza together, he once asked sam how he always knew when he was awake, Sam just grinned.
At first he thought Sam was doing it out of pity or some weird loyalty thing for Steve, but one time Bucky was wandering the tower and heard Sam crying at 2am, so he had knocked on the door and tried to comfort the way Sam did, he ordered pizza (a painful process for bucky) and put in a feel good movie. After that he knew that it was a mutual need, that Sam enjoyed his company. A fact which still confused him.
Bucky sat on the couch and scrolled through netflix until he found “Princess and The Frog”. Sam sat next to him after placing the half full box of pizza on the table in front of them.
“I’m not judging but this is the 5th time we see this movie, in one month.” Sam had an eyebrow cocked and a teasing smile on his face, Bucky looked at the screen, blushing slightly.
“I like their relationship… And Dr. Facilier is the best Disney villain.” Bucky muttered
“I mean, I can’t argue with that.” Sam tried to direct his attention back to the screen… but seeing Bucky blush was so… He wished he could see Bucky’s skin turn pink, instead of just a darker shade of grey. Sometimes he wanted to reach over and touch Bucky’s face when he blushed, to see if maybe… He’d see it better. But. That would be absurd.
As the night went on, he heard Bucky tear up during the wedding kiss, and glanced over. They watched a few movies after that but if Sam was being honest, he was more focused on Bucky, the way he’d react to the movies, the effects, the muttered “That’s not accurate” when it came to spy movies…
He started drifting off halfway through the fourth one, wondering if the universe would ever be so kind to the two of them, wondering if he reached over his dreams would be right.
Bucky slightly tensed, feeling Sam fall asleep next to him and dropping into his lap like every other pizza night, slightly crushing his hand with his body, he saw color wash over his eyes for the third time and looked down at Sam, he was beautiful. Even more, in color, if I were anyone else I would tell him. If I was someone he deserved… I would tell him.
He waited, making sure Sam was really asleep, and carried him back to his room, after that, he went to his and managed to sleep for a few hours, dreaming of brown eyes and bright red kisses.
***
Sam had woken up that day in his bed, from a weird almost colored dream, again. To the blaring alarm of a crazy villain seeking to destroy New York… again. As they got out, they realized that this crazy villain was stronger than most of the ones they’d faced.
Right now, IronMan was on the ground, shielding a very injured Hawkeye, that was trying to patch himself up; Black Widow was behind cap, using him as a shield while she tried to get a good aim on one of the remaining robo-minions; Even Thor seemed slightly winded, Hulk seemed pretty happy though. Sam was flying over head, carrying bucky trying to look for an opening to attack. The main Baddy, who kept yelling about how humanity was weak and needed to be remodified, blah blah blah, he was gonna become the better god etc etc.
He found the opening.
“Thor, I’m right above this assholes forcefield, I’m going in, I need Hulk to cover us and you to come in with us.”
“Aye, I read you, Falcon.”
They managed to get it, god guy didn’t seem to have many robo-minions protecting him, it seemed like a relatively easy fight. Up until Winter Soldier socked him in the face, his gun had run out of ammo a while ago, dark grey splattering and then… Crawling back towards him as he laughed. His hands sharpened and Sam started running towards Bucky, who jumped back at the last second, barely managing to get sliced.
Thor managed to kill the ‘man’ now more sharp, deadly machinery than human. Sam was crouching next to Bucky, panicking, Bucky may have not gotten cut in half but he was still... Cut. Badly.
Nat managed to get the shield down.
His hands were shaking as he asked for Thor to give him part of his cape to stop some of the bleeding, in patching up, Sams hands brushed over Bucky's skin and the world lit up in color.
Sam saw his soulmate, the idiot he loved bleeding and pale in a way he thought couldn’t be natural.
Sam flew Bucky back to the tower as soon as he could, he watched as the doctors took him away to patch him up and stayed by his side once he got out of operating. The bright images of Bucky bleeding out on the street etched into his mind.
***
Bucky woke up very groggilly, his torso hurt like all fucking hell. As he opened his eyes he noticed something was a bit… Off. He could see color. He felt something warm on his right hand and started to panic because. Oh fuck. Sam knows. He tried to tug his hand away, as if it would undo the knowledge. It did not do that at all.
Sams grip tightened, Bucky turned his head to look at him only to be met with angry, relieved, tear red eyes. He’d always wanted to see Sams eyes in color, they were a warm, beautiful brown just as he suspected, but he hadn’t wanted to see them red from crying, and definitely not glaring at him.
Sam pursed his lips before speaking. “How are you feeling”
At the moment, the pain in his torso was nothing compared to the fear he was feeling so he said: “Uhhh, n-b-goood, fiiiine?” Really, very eloquent for his circumstances.
Sam nodded and took a few deep breaths “Good.” He looked down at their hands before reluctantly letting go.
Bucky flinched at the lack of color.
“Then you wouldn’t mind answering a few questions, right?” Sam was shaking slightly, seeming to struggle with keeping his voice calm.
“Uhhh I-” Bucky finished off with a weird neutral noise and then decided to nod.
“Alright, how about. How long have you known?”
Bucky considered trying to will himself to black out, but then looked at Sam again… The hurt in his eyes and took a deep breath.
“One...” He said softly.
“One..?”
“One… Year.”
Sam leaned back in his chair and placed his hands in his face, he looked… Angry and tired, and frustrated. “How.”
“You… I. The. The mission with the sleeping gas where Thor, Steve and I had to carry the rest of you back I… Our hands touched for second and. And then it happened again when we watched Jumanji for the first time and you fell asleep against me…” He swallowed And again the other night.
“You knew for a year and didn’t think. That I might have wanted to know?” Sam sounded like he really wanted to yell. Bucky grimaced.
“Didn’t… Didn’t think it mattered.” He muttered unconvincingly. He saw Sams hand reach out before he stood up abruptly. Bucky looked up at him, not knowing what to say.
“Talk to me again when you can get out of this bed.” and then Sam was out the door, the last expression Bucky saw was pain.
He leaned back into his bed and sighed. Fucking shit, this all got fucked. So so bad.
He kinda laid there, Natasha walked in a few minutes later and looked down at him unimpressed.
“That was Steve levels of dumb.” She said.
“Did he-?”
“He didn’t tell anyone, I have eyes.” She crossed her arms and tilted her head slightly.
He covered his face with a spare pillow and talked into it “What do I do.”
“Profess your love to him, tell him your stupid reasons for not being honest, fuck it out”
Bucky grunted into the pillow and muffled out a “fuck you. Thanks”
“Uhuh, just let me make a speech at the wedding or you lose your knives forever.”
He heard the sound of her leaving the room and closing the door. He sighed as he fell asleep, thinking about what the fuck to say to Sam.
***
Sam hadn’t slept well, aside from being stressed and pissed off and hurt from Bucky being injured and hiding the fact that they were soulmates for a YEAR. He hadn’t had anyone to stay up with and just decompress with.
He missed Bucky, he missed that greasy asshole so fucking much. He missed his short and quiet humor, and his weird movie taste and the way he understood when Sam needed space and when he needed someone to just share silence with him. He missed Bucky's weird habits and the way he managed to keep Steve and Clint in check, and how caring he was and his stupid face, and how he always sat just a little too close to Sam…
He looked at his hands, remembering how warm Buckys had felt and how different the grey from his eyes looked from the grey of the world without him. He fell back into his bed, he had been pacing for half an hour, no signs of getting tired.
He stared at the roof and sighed. How the hell did Bucky not get that Sam loves him? At this point the fucking press might know. But then again, Bucky is dense, not his fault entirely, but also Sam said to his face too many times that he loved being around Bucky.
He shut his eyes and tried to sleep, failing miserably. After about half an hour he heard a knock on his door. He opened his eyes and sighed again, opening the door to find a note on the ground.
Half of it was scribbled out viciously, what was left read “Pizza? 4th floor living room.”
***
Bucky was standing next to the sofa, shaking slightly and holding a box of pizza when Sam got there. He waited for Bucky to set down the box and sit down. Sam sat on the other side of the couch, looking at Bucky. He waited.
Bucky fidgeted and cleared his throat. “I. Um. I… Am sorry. For not telling you” he paused, his brain trying to come up with the right words “I… didn’t think that. I mean. You’re. You’re so beautiful and-and smart and kind, you’re so skilled in.. Fighting and graceful when you fly that I just. I didn’t. I didn’t think you’d want to be with… Me.” He took a deep breath.
“I love you, Sam. I just, I thought I was doing the better thing by not… I didn’t want you to feel like you had to love me because we’re soulmates. I didn’t wanna take away that choice. I didn’t want to… Trap you.” His eyes fell back on Sam, who was… Mulling the words over, as if trying to process.
“You’re really stupid.” Sam pauses “Wait. Bad wording. Man, I wasn’t gonna feel trapped, you wouldn’t force me to love you because I already love you. Even if I didn’t, you wouldn't try to trap me, you’re not like that.” he sighs. “Bucky, I get why you didn’t tell me, but also that was so… We talk to each other about things, we help each other out and trust each other. You could have told me I…” He moves closer to Bucky “I’m so glad it’s you, I wanted it to be you, I’m just also really angry that I only found out when you were about to die.” He looks away.
Bucky moves forward and takes Sam's hand, the world lights up in color and Sam looks back at him, Bucky's eyes are like a seafoam grey, calming and quiet.
“You love me?”
Sams face breaks into a disbelieving smile. “Yeah, I do love you, you greasy, stressful idiot.” his voice is full of warmth and affection, filled with love and disbelief.
Bucky smiles too “I.. I’m sorry for scaring you uhh… I won’t. I mean I can’t keep hiding this from you because, but what I’m saying is that I’ll be more h-” Sam grabs the back of Bucky's neck pulls him closer until they’re almost kissing.
“Shut up.” Sam says softly, it sounds like I love you.
Bucky nods, and kisses him. It feels like I love you.
They both somehow feel the world turn into color, Sam ends up laying on top of Bucky as they kiss unhurriedly, softly. Basking in each others warmth.
They cuddle, pizza forgotten, and fall asleep, the best sleep they’d ever had, and they dream in color.