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It was hilarious how sneaky they thought they were.
Kasumi grinned to herself at the sight of the commander and her turian right-hand man sweating bullets. She had been looking for Shepard (to show her what was, without a doubt, the worst and funniest article ever written about one Commander June Shepard) and when she asked, was directed by EDI to the forward battery.
Kasumi couldn’t say she was surprised. If Shepard wasn’t on the bridge or in her quarters, she could almost always be counted on to be talking to Garrus.
What Kasumi was surprised by, before the two frantically jumped apart (well, not surprised, really; more like startled), was Shepard and Garrus standing very close together.
Holding hands.
Gazing into each other’s eyes.
“Kasumi!” Shepard exclaimed (the first to recover, as always). “We, ah... we were just, um...”
“Calibrating!”
Shepard swung a incredulous look to Garrus, her face practically screaming are you kidding me? Garrus meanwhile looked like he wanted to fling himself out of the nearest airlock.
Nevertheless, while Kasumi desperately tried to hold it together, Shepard played along.
“Yes, that. Calibrating.” Shepard shifted nervously. “Because, um... you know. I don’t know what any of this stuff does,” she waved a hand at the controls of the Normandy’s guns, “and, uh, Garrus was... showing me.”
“Right.” Garrus chimed in.
“Right!” Shepard repeated, her voice going unusually high. “So, um... that’s what we were doing, and now you know.”
An awkward pause permeated the room.
“How are you, Kasumi?” the commander trilled.
Quelling down a smile, Kasumi answered:
“I’m fine, thank you. I was just coming to show you a funny article written about you, Shepard.”
“Cool.” Shepard replied, as casually as a salarian in a room full of angry krogan. “Sounds awesome. Doesn’t it sound awesome, Garrus?”
Garrus’s frantic nodding wasn’t much more convincing. “Yep. Awesome.”
Another pause.
“But I’ve just remembered I have something else to do.” Kasumi said, finally taking pity on them. “So I guess I’ll just show you later. Have fun with your... calibrations.”
The relieved looks on their faces almost made Kasumi loose it then and there.
After practically chasing the thief out, Shepard leveled Garrus with another look. “Calibrating? Really?”
Garrus held up his hands in surrender. “I panicked, okay?”
“And ‘calibrating’ was the first thing that popped into your head.” she shook her head with a smile dangerously bordering on fond. “Why am I not surprised?”
“I’m just surprised you didn’t tell her ‘I should go’.”
“Watch it there, Vakarian.” she grinned. Then paused, looking concerned. “Are you sure you’re still ok with hiding us for a while? We don’t have to.”
“No, no. It’s alright.” Garrus assured her, taking one of her hands in both of his. “Like you said, the media will be all over us the minute we tell, and the crew will never let us live it down...”
“And I want some time together that’s just for us because all that goes on.” she finished the thought. ”But Garrus, if that’s not what you want too-”
“-Shepa- June.” Garrus said, gently squeezing her hand and resting his forehead against hers. “You don’t have to defend your reasons. Not with me. If you want to stay a secret for now, then I support that one hundred percent, okay?”
“...Okay.” June just knew she had a dopey, dreamy smile on her face. “How are you even real?”
Mandibles quipped into a smirk. “I try.”
“And your modesty astounds me.” June laughed, nuzzling her forehead against Garrus’s, before her eyes flicked up to his face. “Don’t you think they already know? The crew, I mean. They’re not idiots.”
“Eh.” He shrugged. “Maybe they suspect something. But I doubt anyone’s paying close enough attention to us to actually figure it out.”
To her credit, Kasumi at least waited until she was out of earshot to collapse into full-bodied giggling. Even when Tali came across her, Kasumi was still sporting a shit-eating grin.
“What?” Tali questioned, sounding exasperated. “What did you steal this time?”
“Not a thing.” Kasumi smirked.
“Then why-?”
Kasumi’s smirk grew. “I just had a nice conversation with our fearless leader and her favorite sniper, after finding them in the forward battery. Alone.”
“Ah.” Tali didn’t sound surprised in the least. “Were they kissing again?”
“Holding hands, this time.”
“Who was holding hands?” Jack asked, having just rounded the corner.
“Who do you think?” Kasumi snickered. “Shepard and Garrus, everyone’s favorite lovebirds.”
“Pfft. Should’ve figured.” Jack scoffed. Then paused. “Do you think they know that we know, and they’re just screwing with us?”
“Doubtful.” Tali interjected, shaking her head. “Those two are about as oblivious as the Council about Reapers.”
Kasumi nodded sagely. “And about as subtle as a thresher maw.”