Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Steven stared at his phone for a whole minute, a full 60 seconds, before the ringing died out.

He sighed before falling backwards on his bed. His phone still in his hand.

He should have answered Connies call, she’s worried. He hasn’t replied to her texts, calls, and hardly leaves his room anymore. Of course she’d be worried, that’s all he’s good at now. Making himself a burden by existing.

Getting in everyone’s way.

Making things worse.

Just like her.

Pink Dia-

No.

He can’t think of her now, it’s just gonna get him angry again. Even the smallest things
can make him go off.

Like a ticking time bomb of pink rage.

Then there’s ringing that softly fills his room. Making him feel guilty for a second, but that feeling didn’t last long before it turned to anger.

Connies calling him again.

This is his chance to finally answer, to explain why he’s already missed 6 of her calls. Her worried texts that she probably sent without checking to see if they were grammatically correct, just because she couldn’t care at this point.

She knows he’s ignoring her, she’s not dumb. He knows that, he loves that about her. Steven loves everything about her. How could he not?

She’s prefect in his eyes, with her dark soft hair that fluffs up on her shoulders. Her dark skin and beautiful eyes and her little soft hands-

How he wishes to hold her hands with his right about now.

He glances down at his hands, they’re not as soft as they used to be when he was younger.

When he was better at taking care of others. When he could control his emotions.
When he could hear her name and not turn pink with rage-

His phone stopped ringing, how long had it been ringing for again? He checked his notifications.

2 missed calls from Connie <3
11 messages from Connie <3

He’s overall missed 9 calls from Connie. He hasn’t even opened her messages yet.

Before he knows it, tears are threatening to spill from his eyes.

“She’s mad at me...” he whispers.

Of course she would be mad at him! He hasn’t even glanced at her messages! For all he knows, she could have told him that’s she’s tired of all the gem stuff. Sick of how he’s busy all the time. Annoyed at how he doesn’t even answer her calls.

Or that she hates him, and doesn’t want to stick around anymore. Wants to move on.

He quickly scrambled to grab his phone and pulled up the messages.

Connie <3:
Steven, are you okay?

Connie <3:
Steven I know you’re awake.

Connie <3:
Please answer my calls.

Connie <3:
Please

Connie <3:
Steven.

Connie <3:
Steven please pick up

Connie <3:
I’m worried about you

Connie <3:
Stev

Connie <3:
STEVEN

Connie <3:
That’s it.

Connie <3:
I’m coming over

Fear struck him at the last text, before he checked the time.

It was 3:36 AM.

Her parents wouldn’t let Connie leave at this time, especially if it were to see him.

And she wouldn’t sneak out without her parents permission and break into his house at this hour! Right?

...Right?

Then he heard the front door open.

Chapter Text

He froze.

She’s talking to someone downstairs, he thinks it’s Pearl... Or is it Garnet? He doesn’t know.

Fear is slowly crawling through him, he hears more talking.

He very faintly hears a name being brought up in the conversation.

His name.

He violently flinches as if he was punched and slowly sits up on his bed.

Connie’s gonna walk up the stairs and talk to him. Ask why he’s acting different, with every question building up, he’ll just dig a deeper grave for himself. A grave no one should ever know about.

Maybe he could keep that grave of lies to himself, a secret made for only him. No one would ever know about it! He could just live the rest of his life and no one would question him at all!

But then there’s Connie...

She’s gonna corner him and he won’t notice until it’s too late. He’ll try to cover it up with lame jokes but they won’t work, they never do.

He can feel himself start to tremble, even though there’s not any real danger he should be afraid of. There hasn’t been real danger, not since he made peace with homeworld.

Sure, the whole Bluebird and Lapis’s situation was tough but it wasn’t as life threatening as saving the galaxy from evil space dictators!

And he survived. The mighty Steven Universe, son of Ro- his mom and he managed to save everyone!

But here he was.

The mighty Steven Universe.

Trembling like a child.

Over what? Secrets that can impact the way people will view him? Not just regular people, his own family?

Is that what he’s afraid of now?

His hands have curled into fists, his nails digging into his sweaty palms.

How old is he?

A thirteen year old boy who cries over dropping ice cream?

Or a 17 year old survivor who saved the galaxy and should be old enough to not cry over one smart girl who threaten to expose his secrets? His feelings?

But it’s too late now, he feels hot tears streaming down his face like a waterfall. He can’t stop them now.

He’s shivering even though it’s not cold, is it from fear? Frustration? He doesn’t know.

Is he this weak?

This pathetic?

He moves his hands to his hair and starts pulling on his curly locks. He whimpers from the pain but he deserves it, all of it.

He curls into himself, his sobs ripping out between clenched teeth.

And then soft hands slowly grab his own.

He violently pulls back with a scream, putting his hands in front of him for protection.

He sees a pink glow form from his stomach as a shield appears before him. It stands between him and...

Wait a minute.

His vision is blurred from his tears, but he manages to see someone from behind the pink shield staring at him.

Someone with a concerned face, pretty dark skin and brown fluffy hair.

Oh no.

“...Con..Connie?” He blinked tears out of his eyes.

He slowly lowered his shield as it disappeared in a small flash of light.

He mumbled an apology before scooting away from her. Sitting at the very edge of his bed.

She stared at him for a second before sitting on the other side.

They had plenty of room between them.

Steven wished that it would comfort him, having space to distance himself from her.

It just made him feel lonely.

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Connie was slowly swinging her legs, making them lightly kick his bed. It was starting to bother him.

He didn’t say anything though.

He doesn’t trust himself to speak, so he doesn’t.

He waits for her to start to conversation, but it’s taking too long and he’s getting impatient.

Why won’t she say anything? Does she not want to talk to him? Isn’t that what she’s here for?

Unless... Maybe she was here for something else? To mock him? To make him feel even more bad about himself?

No, she wouldn’t do that! She’s Connie! She wouldn’t want to hurt him... right?

“I- I shouldn’t have grabbed your hands without you’re permission, I’m sorry.”

He flinched after finally hearing her voice, he hasn’t heard her speak in so long.

He should have been at least a little happy, but he was just confused over what she said.

She grabbed his hands? When did- oh right.

He had been crying and then... he had raised his shield at her.

He could’ve hurt her.

And she’s the one apologizing.

And he’s taking too long to respond.

What should he say? How would she respond? He’s taking too long to come up with something. He needs to say something. He needs to say something right now. But what should he say-

“Want to go outside on the beach?”

That caught him off guard and he finally looked up at her.

She smiled at him and waited for his response.

He panicked and without thinking, he nods.

She slowly gets up from the bed and stretches, giving him time to stand up.

He pushes himself off his bed and stretches too.

He hasn’t gotten off that bed in a while.

Connie is already waiting by the stairs as he grabs his signature pink jacket and slips into his flip flops.

She walks down the stairs and grabs the handle.

“Leaving already?”

It was Pearl.

Steven froze at the top of the stairs. Like a deer in headlights, even though those headlights aren’t pointing towards him.

Connie glances at him before looking back at Pearl.

“Steven and I are going outside to get some fresh air.”

Connie looked back him before opening the door. Indicating for him to follow her.

He carefully walks down the stairs and makes eye contact with Pearl. She’s on the couch staring at him with too much concern for his liking.

He walks out the house, not looking back.

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Connie hasn’t had any luck on getting Steven to talk. He won’t even look at her.

He walks slightly behind her so she can hardly look at him, and it’s starting to irritate her, but she won’t let it show. She has to remain calm in order to get Steven to at least look at her.

They walk on the sand and let their eyes adjust to the dark, it’s pretty early in the morning after all.

Both walk quietly towards the shore, before sitting a few feet away. They don’t want to get wet at this hour.

Steven keeps his distance once again, avoiding any contact with Connie.

“It’s nice out here.” She said.

”Mhmm.”

“The beach is very pretty.”

Steven nods in agreement.

“How are you feeling right now?”

He shrugs before instinctively curling in on himself. He’s refusing to talk.

She doesn’t know what to do, she doesn’t really know why she came in the first place.

To see Steven? Probably? To help him? Maybe... To be his Knight and jam bud? Definitely.

But being jam buds meant both of them working together, and so far there is only one trying to cooperate.

She might have to push him...

“Steven you can talk to me, whenever you want to, about anything. I’ll listen.” She faces him in time to see him tense up.

She quietly waits for a response, something tells her she won’t get one.

After quietly waiting 2 minutes, she sees him slowly nod. That’s all she gets from him.

She tries to not let that crush her mood and looks back at the ocean.

She curls into her thin jacket, it’s getting colder the more she sits out here. If she goes home sick her mom is gonna ground her for a month.

And if her parents found out she snuck out... make that 3 months.

She sighed and snuggled into her jacket, closing her eyes to enjoy the calming sounds of the ocean.

That moment doesn’t last very long.

Suddenly a flash of light appears and she sits up straighter, taking in her surroundings.

She’s in a familiar pink bubble that came from a certain boy. She looks over at Steven in confusion.

His eyes are wide open and he looks very embarrassed.

“I-I’m so sorry I- you were trembling and I assumed you were cold and I thought-I’m...”He started mumbling the rest very quietly to the point where they no longer sounded like real words.

“Hey no- it’s okay! Thank you for... looking out for me.” She smiled, trying to reassure him.

He pushed himself against the bubble, holding onto his gem very tightly.

“I’m trying to get rid of it, I’m sorry.” His grip on his gem had tightened. He was getting mad at himself, she could tell by his expression.

She had to do something.

“Can I hold your hands?”

Steven blinked at her, his face morphing into one of confusion.

“I... what?”

“Can I hold your hands?” She repeated.

His grip loosened on his gem and he nodded.

She slowly held both his hands in hers, feeling him tense up.

She interlocks their hands together, slowly moving closer towards him. He continues to stare at her in confusion.

“You can keep the bubble, I don’t mind.”

“Really?” He starts to relax.

She smiles, “it’s warmer here anyways.”

A shy smile appears on his flustered face, she missed his cute smiles. She’s missed everything about him.

She’s missed him to the point where she could just cry.

“I’ve missed you.”

“Me too.”

She almost does.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steven doesn’t remember when they got so close that their shoulders touched, but he doesn’t mind.

Connies head in resting on his shoulder, her breathing is calm and even as she sleeps.

He doesn’t remember when she feel asleep either, yet he doesn’t care.

What time is it? Who knows.

He has his arm wrapped around her waist keeping her close to him as they hold hands.

They still haven’t talked about him ignoring her for so long, about his problems. About him. They will eventually, but not right now.

Connie asked him how he felt, earlier he would have replied with ‘awful’ or ‘sad’ and ‘awkward’ but right now... maybe ‘less sad’ and ‘I’ll be okay with you right by my side.’

There are so many things he should have said earlier, maybe it’s not to late to say them.

But for now, he pulls her closer to him and leans into her touch.

The ocean really does look pretty.