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The times have changed.
It wasn’t just in the way the City, or the guardians he knew before the Forest, changed. (Though, Shaxx stayed pretty much the same. Perhaps a bit louder.)
No, Saint thought, standing in the Tower hangar, sizing up a kell shifting awkwardly beside his savior, as her ghost babbled on about the benefits, actually, of this alliance.
No, the times have certainly changed in more significant ways than that.
"And, what I’m saying is, Mithrax is a valuable all-"
"I got all that, Finley," Saint interrupts him, lifting a hand "if Nine trusts him...So will I. "
But I will watch him carefully , he doesn’t add.
"Oh, good!" the ghost does a relieved twirl above Saint’s head "Because we were sooo sure you would...attack him or something, I mean, when we first met, that was...You know…Oh, I mean, when you first met Me, because I met you before that, or rather after that, and-"
Finley goes quiet, placated by his guardian’s hand being laid on top of him. Nine looks apologetically to the titan, shrugging. Saint shrugs back, used by now to the scattered way the ghost talks. Mithrax shifts from leg to leg, uncertain.
"I take it the Vanguard knows about...this, right? "
“Yes, they-”, Nine starts to sign.
"Yes!" exclaims Finley at the same time "After Mithrax helped with that attack on the old Tower, we put in a good word for him! He’s been a great ally!"
"Was glad to help, for Light" the kell finally speaks up. He bows a little in Saint’s direction "Is great honor, being here. Meeting you, Kell-Breaker. Let us work together for the Great Machine."
The titan wonders if Mithrax realizes the irony of what was said, and gives a stiff nod in response. He still feels uneasy, but if the centuries spent in the Infinite Forest showed him anything, it’s that most things were not as simple as he thought.
And, for the guardian that saved him, he was willing to suffer the company of a seemingly friendly fallen kell. If only for a while.
(Besides, if he’s in the Tower now, that just means it will be easier to watch him. And if he makes a wrong step, Saint will be around to answer accordingly.)
A few days in, to Saint's displeasure, Mithrax approaches him.
His birds, startled, fly away to perch on the ship behind them. He sighs, pats his hands clean of birdfeed, and pointedly does not look in the kell's direction.
"Saint-14. Greetings" he lowers his head "Am sorry for birds. Did not mean to scare. "
Saint hums in acknowledgment, still looking up at the pigeons rather than the fallen.
"We are.. at odds, yes? "
To put it lightly, the titan thinks but doesn't say. Mithrax keeps quiet, too, as if waiting for an answer. When it doesn't come, he continues.
"Is Dawning…" he hesitates, looking around as if to confirm "... yes?"
Saint nods, hoping to end the conversation. It doesn't work.
Seeing the affirmation, the kell perks up, making a satisfied cooing sound. Then, before the titan can react, he extends the secondary hand he's been hiding behind his back.
Saint stares, still as a statue, at the box of cookies (his favorite kind).
"Peace offering. Too small, I understand, to cover history. But. Between us." he straightens his hand some more, moving the cookies even closer "Let us work together at ease, for City. For Light. "
Saint doesn’t move. Behind his helmet, he scans the kell for any sign of an ulterior motive. Mithrax, for his part, looks confused at his inaction.
"I...leave it here." he puts the treats on one of the boxes surrounding Saint’s ship. "Must go now. Happy Dawning."
The kell shuffles away, back to his makeshift station. He sits, alone, on a crate and looks out at the City. It is obvious to Saint that there was nothing urgent calling for his attention.
Good, he thinks, maybe now he won’t bother me again.
Much later, back in his quarters, he carefully examines the seals on the box. He does not open it.
About two weeks in, the group of pigeons that comes to the titan for food starts to thin out.
He is alarmed, at first - is there a sickness outbreak among his birds? Is the kell eating them when no one is looking? (Though Saint is never not looking) Did they decide to...migrate?
He ponders those questions for days until no birds come to him at all. Then, he goes looking for clues.
And it doesn’t take him long to learn the reason. Mithrax is involved - but not in the way Saint expected.
In a relatively isolated corner of the Tower, he spots the kell surrounded by birds - he recognizes most of them; they’re his birds. They waddle around the fallen, unafraid, occasionally flying into a frenzy when he drops a handful of seeds on the ground. Mithrax sounds like he’s laughing quietly, or cooing at them, it’s hard to tell.
It’s not at all what he expected, so Saint stands, frozen, until the bird-stealer turns.
They stare at each other.
Mithrax waves, uncertainly.
The birds don’t stir.
"Ah, warmest greetings, Saint-14" he does that little bow again "Is nice weather, yes? "
Saint nods, still stunned.
Mithrax looks to the side, then back at him again.
"Birds...enthusiastic, is the word? Eat will all the food soon. "
"Uhm. Yes." the titan says, finally "What...What is it you’re feeding them? "
"Oh! Special bird-mix. Eliksni-made. "
"They seem to love it," he says, not jealously.
"Yes, very. "
There is a bit of awkward silence. Then, the kell extends a secondary hand towards Saint; he is holding a simple canvas sack.
"Can share, have plenty."
The titan hesitates for a moment, as if weighing the consequences of accepting.
Then, he grabs a handful.
"Huh. What’s in here? "
"Oh, there is one plant on Titan…"
They feed the birds for a while, until a couple of overeager guardians comes looking for Saint, scaring the pigeons away and ruining the moment.
He doesn’t say anything, or wave goodbye, but he looks back at the kell once he’s far enough. Mithrax is feeding the returning birds, unaware, and Saint...starts to doubt himself.
Eventually, they are assigned on a mission together. Saint has half a mind to dispute this decision with the Vanguard, but decides, in the end, that he IS the person best suited to keep an eye on the kell.
The mission itself was supposed to be quite straightforward - create a distraction for the Hive to allow another team to retrieve one of those Golden Age generators (or some kind of battery. He didn’t ask for details). That means fighting hordes of hostiles, and he’s had decades of practice.
Mithrax, for his part, plays a supporting role: he keeps to the edge of action, providing cover fire for the titan (he has only one life, after all).
All that said, Saint finds it hard to keep his eyes off the kell (he’s not concerned for him, at all, it’s just that he’s supposed to be covering him, and that requires trust, and he doesn’t trust him, not really, even though the cookies ended up not being poisoned, and they’ve been feeding the birds together from time to time, he’s still-)
He doesn’t notice a Shrieker appear. The last thing he sees, before the familiar stillness of death, is Mithrax leaping out of cover, hand extended, as if to warn him.
Too late is the first thing he thinks when he’s brought back. The second thing he registers is gunfire - mostly too muffled to be anywhere near. The third thing he notices is Mithrax - much worse for wear than when he last saw him, kneeling nearby, staring. They are in one of the abandoned Arcology rooms, with the door blocked by old furniture. It looks about to buckle under the weight of someone (or something) hitting it from the other side.
Geppetto hovers just above the kell’s head.
"See?" the ghost says, turning towards Mithrax "I told you he’d be fine. "
The fallen-…The eliksni turns towards her, blinking slowly, as if about to reply-
"What of the mission?" Saint blurs out, sitting up.
"Called in...emergency. It is fine, other team finished. "
The way the kell speaks is concerning; he sounds out of breath, and he keeps wincing through the words. Saint gets up, checks the ammo in his shotgun, and looks towards the door.
"Can you stand? "
Mithrax nods, starts to rise. He stumbles halfway through, at the same time as Saint moves to catch him.
That won’t do, he thinks, helping the kell regain balance. His ghost hovers out of the eliksni’s view, shaking herself “no”.
"On the other hand, stay here. I will clear the way for evac. "
"But...Can fight still. Provide cover-"
"Oh, believe me," Geppetto interrupts "if you’re out of harm’s way, Saint will be much more focused"
Mithrax cocks his head, confused. The titan keeps silent, glaring at his ghost. She pretends not to notice (on account of his helmet).
When no more objections come, Saint kicks out the barricaded door.
On the ship back to the Tower, the titan goes over the mission in his head. He thinks about what led him to be distracted enough to die, about their strategy, and where it went wrong (he decidedly doesn’t think about Mithrax risking his life for him, or his ghost’s last remark in the barricaded room, or how serious the kell’s injuries may be, or-).
He is startled out of it by a clawed hand gently tapping his pauldron.
"What? What is it? "
"Hello," the kell says, and immediately looks like he regrets his choice of word "Was, ah. Told, back in Tower, this is…"Saint-14’s due"? "
He extends a hand. The titan looks, perplexed, at the strip of red fabric, the same color as the kell’s cape.
"Wha-"
"You...saved my life, yes? "
"Only as much as you saved mine" Saint jokes, but Mithrax looks unamused.
"You died. "
"Got better. "
"I would not… 'get better'. Owe you."
"Listen, I just repaid you for...There’s no need for this-"
He stops, seeing Mithrax’s posture sink in disappointment.
"Ах, ну что мне с тобой делать[1]" he mutters, taking the red strip. The kell perks up, satisfied.
"Even now, yes?"
"Quite even. "
[1] - Ah, what do I even do with you. (sometimes said as an exasperated/fond agreement to someone’s request. there are other contexts, but this one is this)
He doesn’t know what to do with the piece of fabric Mithrax gave him.
Vivid red, it stands out among the violet tapestry of his accolades so brightly, that he ties it to the very bottom of the strips hanging from his waist. Out of sight.
Not 10 minutes pass before he unties it again, gently (though he would never admit it) smoothes out the creases, feels the texture. He picks out a new place - over his chestplate.
But that, too, feels wrong. It felt cowardly to hide it, like lying. It feels too open to display it, too, like saying…
He thinks a while about the new placement. He never had a problem with that before, and he blames it on the color (Couldn’t Mithrax see that he had a theme here?), on the circumstances (An accolade from an eliksni! He never would have thought it possible in his early years), on the way Mithrax’s shoulders sagged when he initially declined the offer (And he didn’t want to decline, not really, not with the careful way the kell handed over the fabric, not with the way he...)
In the end, he decides to compromise. The bright red strip now sits above his right elbow - just out of the way enough to seem less significant than it felt, and noticeable enough not to feel like a dismissal.
Everyone has to do their part in this new alliance, is what he tells himself.
It has been a little more than a month since Mithrax first arrived to the Tower. A couple of weeks since their first joint mission. Four days since the kell got an all-clear from the medical team.
And, somewhere along the line, to Saint’s unending frustration, he stopped being able to keep the eliksni out of his mind. He wanted to blame the red fabric wrapped around his arm, but the truth was, that happened after. Mithrax has been on his mind for longer than he wanted to admit.
And Geppetto was not helping. Every time his eyes lingered on Mithrax, she would throw a knowing glance his way. The only blessing, he thought, was the fact that she stayed silent on the subject.
But that, too, would run out quickly.
"Saint," the titan hears a tired exhale above his head as he watches the kell talk to a guardian in the distance "this is getting ridiculous."
"I don’t know what you’re talking about."
"You have been neglecting your pigeons for 15 minutes. You haven’t moved at all, in fact. "
"I have a lot to think about, Geppetto."
"I bet you do. "
He frowns. It’s hidden by his helmet.
"Just talk to him."
"We talk plenty. "
"No, like…" she rolls her eye, frustrated "invite him to dinner or something. Give him flowers. Something!"
"Are you...Are you suggesting I should court him??"
He says that too loudly, he realizes, as a couple of people turn to look in their direction. He coughs awkwardly and busies himself by feeding the pigeons.
"Well, I don’t know, Saint. Should you? "
"This isn’t...That’s not what…" he starts pacing (carefully avoiding the birds) "we’re...it's not like...it's not like that."
"Then what is it? "
"I’m just. K-"
" 'Keeping an eye on him', yes, that is exactly what I expected you would say." she floats in front of his face, stopping the pacing "Everyone and their ghost can see that this excuse isn’t working anymore. Try something else."
"But I-..That doesn’t happen, Geppetto. "
"You’re right, can’t remember the last time you’ve been on a date."
The only response he has to that is a quiet but heartfelt “ Пиздец ” [2]
[2] - Basically “fuck”. An essential russian emotion
He decides to start with flowers.
It takes a while; he has to get through piles and piles of denial first, but in the end, he decides to start with flowers.
He figures that's a neutral enough gesture of affection. It's not like he can ask Mithrax about how to court someone the eliksni way (it still feels weird thinking that that is what he's doing).
He got poppies and yellow carnations, to match his armor (though Saint considered getting something violet, just to get back at him for the red accolade).
He waits for the kell in their remote bird-feeding spot. Nervously.
The flowers are in danger of being crushed in his grip by the time Mithrax arrives.
"Ah, Saint-14, early today. Was wondering why you were not at station. "
"Uh… just Saint is fine. "
The eliksni cocks his head to the side, making a quiet warbling sound, as if processing the new development. Saint doesn't give him a lot of time for that before shoving the bouquet of flowers in his face.
"Hrmr?" the kell says, eloquently.
"I… It's...a..peace offering?.. "
"Oh! Ooh," Mithrax takes the bouquet from his hands, careful with his claws "Is big surprise. Was thinking we are friends, yes? "
"Yes," Saint hesitates, not sure how to approach the situation "but I realize I haven't been fair to you. "
"Is fine, yes? What is your saying? Water, bridge…something. "
"'Water under the bridge', sure." he laughs a bit "I felt it needed to be said, anyway. "
"Oh. I appreciate." the kell lowers his head, looking at the flowers "Is… This is edible, yes? "
Saint is silent for just a moment before breaking loudly into laughter. Mithrax, at that, looks embarrassed, passing the bouquet from one primary to the other.
"No, no it's… It's like…" the titan looks around, not finding anything useful "You put them in a vase with water as…decoration? "
"Ahh… Sentiment." Mithrax nods, understandingly.
"Did you... want something edible? "
"Did not expect gift at all, Saint-four-...Saint. Am happy, with this." he moves the bouquet a bit for emphasis.
The titan, meanwhile, is already 10 different-imaginary-conversations-where-he-invites-Mithrax-to-dinner deep. Silence stretches between them.
"One thing," the kell speaks up once it becomes evident that Saint has malfunctioned "Do not have a vase. "
"Hm? Oh." the titan looks lost for just a moment before lighting up "No problem! We can go buy one for you."
"Ah. I like this, yes. We go. "
Mithrax starts walking confidently ahead, flowers held in front of him firmly, before he stops and looks back sheepishly.
"Where...is shop? "
Saint laughs, fond, and motions for the kell to follow.
They stay mostly near the Tower, avoiding going too deep into the City itself. The eliksni is easily distracted by the colorfulness of the market, stopping every few minutes to examine one thing or another (the titan never minds).
In the end, the kell lands on a vase with violet accents in the background. Saint tries not to act too pleased (he looks it, though. Under the helmet).
It is, as far as not-really-a-date dates go, pretty good.
He makes a habit of buying flowers whenever he goes out to walk the City. It just happens to be when the previous flowers he gave to Mithrax wilt. Simple coincidence (though it is not, and he knows it, and it gets easier each time to admit as much).
Today's bouquet has daisies, and cornflowers, and forget-me-nots, and he looks forward to giving it over, and maybe answering the kell's questions about the flowers, as he sometimes does (he doesn't know much, himself, but he asks the people who grow and sell them to tell him more). And Saint will ask about him, in turn, whatever comes to mind, to find out more and each time fall a little bit more in-…
Anyway, it doesn't seem like Mithrax has caught on yet. And it's fine by him, really. It's obvious that his gifts are not unwelcome, in the way the kell smiles and perks up each time he sees a fresh batch of flowers Saint got him. If he's happy, that's enough for him (though Geppetto would call him a coward).
Or, at least it was obvious.
This time, when Saint approaches Mithrax's post, there is no trace of a smile in his eyes. It's worrying, in more ways than one.
"Is everything okay?" he puts the bouquet on the first available surface, to be forgotten "Do not tell me someone died. "
The joke falls flat, as the kell just shakes his head and fidgets, nervously, with the edge of his scarf.
"Everyone okay. Is not anything…" he gestures vaguely "... global. "
"Then what is it? Don't think I've ever seen you so worried. You can talk to me, you know. "
"Is…" he falls silent, thinks, then tries again "We could speak in private, yes? "
"Sure. Lead the way."
Mithrax doesn't look any less agitated, like Saint expected he would. It makes him worried, too. For several reasons.
The walk is silent. Eventually, they reach the quarters the kell was assigned and step inside.
Mithrax takes off his helmet. Saint does, too, it’s only polite.
It occurs to him that this is the first time they're seeing each other barefaced. Somehow, he feels awkward it didn't happen sooner (and, less importantly, he wonders if he should take off his shoes, too).
Mithrax turns and looks at him for what feels like forever, even though it's probably only been a few seconds. He sighs, and it sounds chittery in a very alien, but very endearing way. Then, he finally speaks.
"Owe you an apology. "
"…What. "
'Is… complicated. Please do not be mad, yes? "
"You have my word. "
More than that goes unsaid.
"Am fond of you. Very fond. Do not feel it right to let you give friendship gifts when I feel… " he waves his hands (all four) in a vague motion "When I feel this. Do not mean to mislead. Felt you should know."
"What… do you mean you-.. "
"I understand. You do not like th-"
"No, no, I think you don't understand. Those weren't 'friendship gifts', Mithrax. "
The kell goes from apologetic to confused. He reminds Saint a bit of a startled cat (if it had 4 glowing eyes and an exoskeleton).
"…No?" he looks hopeful, then upset again "Ah, 'colleague' gifts. I understand. "
"No, господи [3], they're 'I love you' gifts!"
Silence falls over the room. Saint is surprised - he's never really said the L word before in regards to this whole situation. He looks surprised, too, and this time he's got no helmet to hide behind.
Mithrax, meanwhile, is unreadable. If he was an exo, he'd probably be running system diagnostics, with how wide his eyes are.
Then, he breaks out into a laugh. It's deep, and sounds nothing like the titan's own, but it's genuine, and relieved, and happy, and Saint's simple human instinct is to kiss him, then, but…
With the way they are both constructed, he isn’t sure how that would work. He isn’t sure if Mithrax would understand the gesture, either.
So he settles on putting his hands around the other’s face, and feeling the rough texture of his exoskeleton, and the surprising velvet softness of his skin, and putting his forehead against the kell’s, and laughing along, and getting lost in the moment.
It takes them several minutes to calm down, by which time Mithrax manages to hug him with all four of his arms. Neither of them lets go.
"So, I guess it all works out for us in the end. "
The kell makes an agreeing sound, which sounds more like a short purr.
"Quite does. Expected you to be mad, not this." he buries his face in the crook of Saint's neck, which he has to half-crouch to actually do "Am happy. For this, for you."
"I could say the same. I never expected to-"
"Hey lovebirds. "
Never has Saint wanted to slap his ghost before, but she was really testing his limits.
"What is it, Geppetto" he says, muffled by the fur of Mithrax's cape. Annoyed.
"I just checked on the flowers you bought for your boyfriend? They're going to wilt soon on that table. "
"I'll buy new ones. "
"Okay, okay, just wanted to gloat and say I was right. "
"You've been spending too much time with Sag-"
"Ah, little Light," Mithrax lifts up a bit, looking at the ghost "Please, put them in vase, yes? Shame if they wilt. "
"Of course, dear, since you asked so politely. "
With a flash of light, she's gone, and so is Saint's dignity.
"Is nice of her to worry, " the kell says, happy, and puts his chin on top of Saint's head "flowers will live, now. "
"Yes, yes, very nice. Now, as I was confessing..."
[3] - a Very exasperated “oh my god”
They leave the Tower, eventually.
Some work, after all, needs to be done with your own hands (or head, in some cases. Just wear a sturdy helmet).
But they travel together, and watch each other's back, and talk long into the night, and sleep tangled in one another (when the wilds allow).
It works out.