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Nigel’s leg is vibrating. Nervous energy is spreading through him, something about doing the same shit in America as in Budapest makes him feel like he’s wet behind the ears. Like this is the first fucking time he’s done this.
After he’d been shot and miraculously survived Darko had squirrelled him out of the country, paying far too much money to get him fixed up. When Nigel has woken he’d asked Darko about it on the phone. Darko had simply stated that it was the perfect time to expand their business stateside. Nigel knew that there was an undercurrent of something he wasn’t saying but he let it rest.
It had taken months for Nigel to heal properly, he still has scars that pull across his torso as he moves, he supposes he should count himself lucky, he had survived.
A figure approaches him and Nigel sighs. He only nods his head slightly. The figure sits at the table, Nigel offers his pack of cigarettes to them.
“No thanks.” The man says. “It’s not good for you, you know.”
“Suit yourself.” Nigel says as he shakes out a cigarette before lighting it. Inhaling and exhaling deeply. “I’ve got to say you yanks really make some fucking excellent cigarettes.”
The man shrugs. Nigel wants to rub at the bridge of his nose, there is something about Americans that sets his teeth on edge.
“So?” Nigel says when nearly half the cigarette is gone.
The man slides over an envelope. Nigel looks up at him for the first time and is struck by him. Gorgeous blue eyes that seem to dart around his face, never quite looking at him directly, before settling at the corner of his mouth. Nigel drinks in the man. He is, even compared to Gabi, the most beautiful person he has ever seen. Thinking of Gabi sends a fissure of anger through him. Based on the way the man’s eyes flash with panic, Nigel schools his feature.
“Did I do something wrong? I researched everything,” his voice is surprisingly flat, but Nigel can sense the beginnings of fear in him.
“Not at all gorgeous.” Nigel says, he can’t quite keep the purr out of his voice.
“My name is Adam.”
“I’ll remember that.”
Adam considers him for long moments, he looks like he’s trying to work something out in his head. He nods to himself, almost as though he had finally worked out the solution to a problem.
“Do I wait for you to count the money?”
Nigel chuckles, his earlier bad mood has disappeared, he is fascinated by Adam. He did not quite understand why someone like him would be buying pills from him.
He reaches over and grabs the envelope, he counts the stack of bills. “All present and correct.”
Adam is watching him intently. “What made you want to buy from me?”
“I need to sleep.”
Nigel laughs. Adam’s face flushes and instantly Nigel feels guilty.
“You don’t have to make fun of me.”
“I wasn’t making fun, gorgeous.” Nigel wants to reach and take Adam’s chin in his hands to draw his eyes to his, to show he is sincere. Something stops him though, sure that Adam would not enjoy the touch.
“Why did you laugh?”
“I wouldn’t think to take these pills if I hadn’t tried every other option first.”
“I have tried everything.”
“Even sex?” Nigel says as he lights another cigarette.
Adam breathes slowly. “It’s not part of my routine.” He pauses, “besides Beth and I broke up.”
“So make it part of your routine.” Nigel considers the man next to him. Something about him makes Nigel not want to hand over the small bag of pills he is carrying in his pocket.
“I can’t change my routine.” Adam says after a moment.
Nigel shrugs, “but here you are changing your routine for some pills.”
Adam nods. He is watching Nigel as though waiting for him to hand over the pills.
“I’m desperate. The noise here isn’t right.”
Nigel chuckles, “tell me about it. It feels as though every person is shouting constantly. I miss home. And the heat, fuck me, it’s like I’m constantly being strangled.”
Adam’s eyes widen slightly. “I have never met anyone who thought the same.”
“You’ve been meeting the wrong fucking people.”
“Even Beth said I had to get over it.”
“Beth sounds like a pretty shitty person. I’m still not entirely sure why she would break up with you gorgeous.”
“She was okay. She just thought she knew who to deal with me. But when she realised what that meant she no longer wanted to.”
“Deal with you?” Nigel says incredulously. “What did you do? Take hard drugs? Apart from the pills I’m about to give you.”
Adam smiles crookedly, and something in Nigel melts at the sight. “Nothing like that. Although I think you would know instantly if I was a regular user.”
Nigel nods slowly, although Adam didn’t look like his usual clientele, Nigel was quickly learning that the product he was moving here was different to what he had moved in Budapest.
“You don’t have the usual look about you. But I’m learning that appearances aren’t everything.” He grimaces, reminded suddenly of the cock-sucker Charlie. He had looked like a wet blanket, and yet Gabi had fallen for the little fucker.
“I have this thing about me.”
“You’re right about that gorgeous.”
“You’re not listening. I have this thing, it means I don’t think in the same way everyone else does. It’s called Asperger’s.”
Nigel had never heard of it before, “so you think a little differently. Makes the world go round.”
“I find it hard to read social situations, I have face-blindness so I can’t read what people are thinking or feeling. And no one ever says what they mean. People have said I lack empathy.”
“People are fucking idiots and like to tiptoe around everything. Especially here.”
“You keep talking about here, like you don’t really like living here.”
“I don’t. But it was the only option.”
“Why?”
For some reason Nigel finds himself unable to stop the words tumbling out as he tells Adam the entire story. The entire shitshow ending with his getting shot. Adam’s face remains impassive the entire time.
“You did bad things.” It’s not a question.
“Yes.”
“And you still are.”
“Living isn’t free.”
“No. It should be though.”
“That it fucking should.”
Adam considers Nigel’s fingers for a moment before he says, “do you work with your hands?”
“I could have done. I was training to be an electrician before I met Darko in some dingey club. The rest, as they say, is history.”
“That’s not a phrase I’m familiar with.”
“I might have butchered the translation in my head. But what I was trying to say is that all the bad decisions I have made, all lead back to meeting Darko.”
“Do you still want to be an electrician?”
“I don’t know. I think I might be too old now.”
“You’re not old.”
Nigel laughs, “maybe not old old. Certainly older than you by a long shot.”
“I’m 39.” Adam says.
“Could have had me fooled. You look much younger.”
Adam scratches at his chin. “It’s the lack of beard. Dad always said I look older with a beard.”
Nigel hums thoughtfully. “I can’t imagine you with a beard. I think it would distract from your face.” He is sure that Adam would look as stunning with a beard as he does now, but there is something about his pink lips and blue eyes that sparkle.
“I don’t like beards on people. It hides even more of their expressions. Makes it harder to identify the little I can.”
“Most people try to hide how they’re feeling.”
“You don’t.”
Nigel chuckles again, he is quickly becoming enamoured with the way Adam seems to see so much more clearly than most people he has the displeasure in meeting. “Can’t be bothered with the bullshit. People always want something but never say it directly.”
Adam sighs. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who openly acknowledges it. You’re quite unlike any man I’ve ever met -” Adam looks confused for a moment. “Sorry, I don’t think I remember your name.”
“I never said it.” Nigel says, he considers for a moment. “I’m Nigel.”
“Nigel.” Adam seems to sound the name out for himself. And the sound of his name on Adam’s lips sends a fissure of something down his spine.
“Pleased to meet you Adam.” He smiles broadly. It truly is a pleasure to meet him. Adam is a shining highlight in his experience of America so far.
There is silence, but it feels comfortable, makes him feel warm with a strange fondness.
His phone buzzes in his pocket, and Adam’s eyes dart towards him. Nigel curses under his breath as he pulls out the device. It is an address, time and an order.
“Another job.” Nigel says after a moment, he does not want to leave Adam.
Adam looks disappointed. “Right of course.”
Nigel takes the pills out of his pocket and slides them across to Adam. “Try these. And if they don’t work, here’s my number. You can call me to talk if you like.”
Adam smiles again, Nigel drinks it in. Some part of him wants to spend every waking moment trying to tease out a smile from him.
“I will.”