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They had never met each other before that night. It was a chance encounter, like so many encounters are, between two men running from something the other may never understand. They agreed to a motel on the outskirts of town, since neither of them had a permanent place. They were both drifters who just happened to be less than a mile apart.
The Moors Motel wasn’t the worst or the best place for a hookup. Situated along the river in a run-down town, it had its charm: the boating theme and the fresh seafood was a pretty good lure. The cheap rooms for even better. For thirty bucks, Ferran was able to rent a room for a few hours, and just twenty more for the night. They didn’t even require an ID. He’d probably take the night deal; after this, he wasn’t sure where he was going.
The room was simple- one bed, a table, a TV, and a bathroom. Not like he needed anything fancy. He just set his bag down and sat on the bed, alternating staring at his phone’s screen and the scuffed toes of his boots. Just ticking time away until-
Knock knock knock.
Zach looked just as good in person as he did in his profile pic. Then again, Ferran only saw his abs in that picture, but the rest of him looked good too. Gorgeous dark skin and full lips that he could get lost in. Zach looked down at his phone, then back up at Ferran.
“Are you ‘feral?’”
“Yeah. Zach?”
Zach nodded, then gave Ferran a once over, decided what he liked, and stepped in.
It was like day and night. Ferran was shorter, thicker, and still dressed in his fatigues. As soon as he got off the plane, he dropped his passport in the garbage, hailed a taxi, and said ‘anywhere’s good.’ Zach had been in his car, not even wearing pants when he saw Ferran’s profile. All that meat stretching out that tight tee and camo pants was just what he needed tonight, so he pulled on some jeans and headed out.
“You wanna smoke first?” Zach reached into his back pocket and pulled out a little tin box, shaking it. Ferran shrugged.
“Sure, I guess.”
He sat next on the bed next to Zach, who opened the box and pulled out a small bag of weed and some rolling paper. He rolled it pretty expertly, if a bit tight, then took a lighter from the box and lit up. He inhaled for a good ten seconds, then hheld his breath, and gestured for Ferran to lean in.
Zach pulled Ferran in a little more till their lips were almost touching, and on instinct, Ferran opened his mouth. Zach opened his, and he quickly blew the residual smoke right into the blonde’s mouth. Ferran inhaled, suppressed a cough, then held his breath.
As Zach took another hit, Ferran exhaled, slow and through his nose. Zach grunted. “Not your first time, huh, soldier boy? Won’t that be a problem for your service?”
“Ex-army,” Ferran responded, gesturing for the joint. Zach handed it over and he took a hit, his eyes sliding shut as he did. He waited until exhaling to answer. “I thought I said no questions.”
“Yeah, sure, sorry.” Ferran had said that, right in his profile: ‘ex-army, don’t as questions you’re not prepared to hear the answers to. love to suck.’ There was a world of difference between ‘ex-army’ and ‘retired army.’
Just like Zach didn’t ask about the army, Ferran didn’t ask about the rows of scars up and down Zach’s arms. It wasn’t his place to ask, but he probably knew the story anyway. No one who recognizes things like that is ever in a good place.
The two of them passed the joint back a few more times, with a few shotguns in-between. Zach got a little handsy, putting a hand on Ferran’s thigh and rubbing. On the next shotgun, Ferran pushed in a little further for a kiss, trapping smoke in their mouths. There was something hot about it, to see the smoke wisp away from them when they paused to breathe. Ferran saw something hungry in Zach’s eyes. Zach saw something thirsty. Zach could feel it, too, when his fingers grazed Ferran’s inner thigh, and Ferran could see it, when he looked down at Zach’s crotch.
“Alright, I think we’re ready for it,” Zach joked, giving Ferran a crooked smile. He stood up to undo his belt, and when he looked back, Ferran had his head in his hands, the joint sticking out between two fingers. “Uh. Hey.”
Ferran didn’t look up for a moment, but when he did, his eyes were red. Not the usual marijuana red, but the miserable kind of red. The ‘I haven’t slept in three days and it’s catching up to me’ kind of red. “Listen man, I... I dunno...”
“You dunno what?” Zach still had his hands poised to undo his jeans.
“I dunno if I can do this.” He sighed, and offered Zach the joint back. “I’m sorry for making you come all this way, but, like... I don’t...” Ferran;s eyes were starting to get glossy. He told himself he wouldn’t do this in front of someone else, but fuck it, too late now.
“Hey, uh, dude, it’s okay.” Zach sat down on the bed again and put out a hand, ready to pat his shoulder, but he thought against it. “You don’t gotta be sorry. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. Better you told me now than later.”
Ferran’s eyes still looked wet but nothing was threatening to spill. When Zach didn’t take back the joint, he put it back to his lips and inhaled. He held it for a long time, then finally exhaled a small wisp. “You can... finish the rest of this. I think I’ve had enough.”
“Okay.” Zach took the joint back, but wasn’t sure what to do with it. He ended up taking another hit, then setting it in the ash tray on the table to smolder. “Are you... gonna be okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine, you can go.” Ferran really didn’t look like he was going to be okay. Tears were still threatening to spill, and he was trembling, almost fully shaking. He didn’t feel like he was going to be okay either. Cracks were starting to form in the dikes.
Zach had gotten up, but now he sat back down. “Nah, I don’t think you are.” He did touch Ferran this time, just a light pat on the back, but that seemed to make a difference. The trembling stopped, even if just for a moment. Ferran let his head fal back into his hands, and Zach looked away. Ferran probably didn’t want him to see this.
Neither of them were sure how long they stayed like that. Ferran thought it only lasted a few minutes up stifled sobs and tangled fingers in hair, but it felt like forever to Zach. All he could do was gently rub the other man’s back in some semblance of comfort. It was the most and least he could do.
Eventually, Ferran’s heaving chest settled into slow, shaky breaths, and he rubbed his fists against his eyes to wipe away the tears, but he did a poor job of it. There were still tracks in the dust on his face and they clung to his lashes like dew on leaves.
“Thanks,” he whispered, voice hoarse. Zach was still a little high, but the emotional release had completely taken it out of Ferran. He didn’t feel like finishing the rest of the joint, either. “You didn’t... have to stay for that.”
“Well, uh, how many guys didn’t?” It was kind of a personal question, but it was the only one he could think to ask. Ferran didn’t answer immediately, but he did smile.
“You’d be the first.” He sat up and pulled on the hem of his shirt, lifting it to properly dry his eyes. Zach got a nice eyeful of pale belly, covered with a fine that of blonde hair. He wanted to reach out and touch it, but that would be in poor taste. Ferran wanted him to touch it, but not at that moment.
“It’s getting late. You probably wanna go home.” Ferran stood up, but Zach didn’t.
“Where even is home, anyway?” Zach leaned back on his elbows. “My car’s parked out front. That’s about as far as I can go.”
“If you’re still expecting something... not tonight.” Ferran had gone into the bathroom, and the tap was running. Zach leaned all the way back, staring at the ceiling.
“I’m not expecting anything. It’d be pretty shitty of me to leave someone alone like this.” The tap turned off and Ferran stepped back out, towel in his hands and face scrubbed clean.
“You don’t have to.”
“Do you want me to?”
Ferran gripped the towel tighter in his hands. Zach’s eyes were boring into him from beneath his lidded eyes, like he was transparent. All things considered, he was pretty transparent.
“... I’ll got pay for the rest of the night. I think it’ll be a little extra for two people, but-”
“Nah. You can do that later. You look like you need a nap.”
Ferran’s face was already red from the crying, but now he looked like a stop sign. His eyes were strangely luminous, like a cat’s even though, there was no light shining on him. “Yeah, I... I really could.”
Ferran settled on the bed next to Zach, slowly leaning back next to him. Zach had himself propped up on an elbow, watching the larger man ease himself down. For such a big buy, he made little noise, and tried to take up so little space. It seemed like there was a chasm between them.
“C’mon, c’mere.” Zach lowered himself down and shifted himself so his arms were open, inviting. “I won’t bite unless you tell me to.”
Ferran had to stifle a laugh, but he rolled himself into Zach’s arms. His skin was warm, almost hot to the touch, while in contrast, Ferran was cold as ice. Zach wrapped his arms around Ferran, around his middle, and he pulled himself up so he was flush against him, sharing that warmth.
“You comfortable?”
“Yeah. You?”
“Uh-huh.”
There was a moment before Ferran finally released the tension in his body, letting himself ease back against Zach. The other man was surprisingly solid, dense with muscle, so he didn’t have to fear squishing him. Ferran let out a heavy sigh, and finally closed his eyes.
“Just for an hour. I still gotta pay for the night.”
“Yeah, an hour, got it.”
They didn’t wake up until two hours later, to knocking at the door. Both me were groggy and sweaty, having fallen asleep fully dressed, but the rest was surprisingly sound. Ferran pushed himself up, rubbing his eyes, and answered the door; it was the night manager, asking if he was staying the night.
“Yeah, uh... yeah, just a sec...” He fished out his wallet and flipped the manager a fifty. “I’ve got, uh... a guest. I’ll pay for him too.”
The manager just nodded, took the cash, and left. Ferran turned back to Zach, lying on the bed, still trying to open his eyes.
“Hey. How fast does that car go?”
“Pretty fast. Wh-”
“Where does it go?”
“Anywhere I want it to. Mostly to the stables across the state line, but wherever. Can I ask why now?”
“You got room in there for one more? I’ll pay.” Ferran still had his wallet I his hand.
Zach pushed himself up on his elbows again. “You don’t have to pay. Except maybe for the weed, that shit’s expensive.”
Ferran cracked a grin. “Deal.”
Zach opened up his arms. “Get back here. We can discuss terms in the morning.”
This time, Ferran didn’t hesitate, and neither did Zach. For the first time in a while, neither of them dreamed.