Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

   A salty breeze wafted over the boardwalk of Beach City. The sun shone over an almost perfectly clear sky, and just above the sand, two dorky teens sat along the pier eating pastries and shooting the wind.

   “...Pearl co-founded a Pearl Independence Program with Volleyball; they’ve been teaching other Pearls how to live on their own, and occasionally we go to some distant planet or other to rescue a Pearl who hasn’t been let go. Garnet’s still teaching yoga and stuff, and Amethyst started a sports club.” Steven counted the list off on his fingers, counting with a half-eaten donut. “Oh yeah, and Dad’s been franchising a new car wash in Keystone. Which I think means he’s actually just been looking at a lot of really thick documents and getting frustrated, but, you know.”
Connie chuckled. “Wow, I never figured your Dad might have an interest in expanding his car wash.”
“Heh, yeah. Me neither, I guess, but I think that whole incident with Bluebird might’ve changed his attitude about some stuff.”
"Mmm." Connie nodded idly. “Well, Little Homeworld sounds like it's really coming along! I’d love to go and see it now that it’s finished.”
“We can go check it out in a while, if you like.”
“Yesss! So, what about you?” Connie took a bite out of her muffin and looked at Steven.
“...What about me?”
“What’ve you been getting up to since you quit teaching?”
“Oh. Uh...” Steven looked out to sea. 

   He didn’t want to admit that he’d had almost nothing on his plate since he quit teaching at Little Homeschool. But he also didn’t want to just lie to Connie, so he tried to think of something. “Well... you know, I’ve been trying to stay out of the house while it’s getting repaired, so I... hang out in the woods sometimes. Go on long walks. Look at nice plants. Um… Oh, and sometimes I fight with Jasper.”
“What?!” Connie leaned in, eyes wide. “Does she attack you?!”
“Oh- no! No no no, everything’s cool. ‘Fight’ was probably the wrong word. It’s more like sparring. She’s actually been helping me learn how to control those new powers I mentioned. Sort of.”
“Oohhh!” Connie gave a relieved chortle. “Wow! So even she’s settling in, huh? Everything’s changed so much since I was last able to visit.”
“Hah… yeah.”

   The tide languidly lapped the shore, chasing the seagulls who landed to look for detritus. The two watched as people walked by. Some had families, some were alone. Many of them were gems of all shapes and sizes. One was a dog.

   “...So… college next week, huh?” Steven licked icing off his fingers.
“Yeah! I told you what I’m studying, right? Engineering with a minor in biology.”
“No political science?”
“Pfft. You still think I should be president?”
“You’d make a great president!” Steven gave Connie a playful nudge. “I mean, I'm half-kidding, but... You're, like, super smart. So I just always assumed that someday you’re gonna go off and do amazing things and become famous. Like become the president... or whatever you actually want to do.”
Connie blushed and turned away, stifling a giggle. “Thanks, Steven.”
“No problem!”

   Seeing Connie get bashful always did funny things to Steven’s heart. The fact that she’d just placed her hand on his was probably contributing.

   “Hey, so… I’ve been meaning to ask,” Steven shifted slightly.
“Mm?”
“Since you’re about to leave for college... I thought it might be nice, to...” Steven blushed. “I guess I wanna see if... maybe Stevonnie wants to hang out for a while?”
“Oh! Hahah, of course! Wow , how long has it been since we last fused?!”
“Heh. I’m… not actually sure.”
“Well… Stevonnie can finish the rest of my muffin, if they want it.” Connie held her mostly-eaten muffin out to Steven. He smiled and gently took her wrist in his hand, and did his best to stay calm as she closed her eyes and leaned in close.

--- --- ---

   Stevonnie tossed the empty muffin wrapper into the nearby recycling bin and started towards the beach, kicking off their shoes to dip their feet into the water.

   Wow, they’d missed this. It was so refreshing to be able to see through a different perspective for a while- even if it was just a few extra inches of height. Food tasted a little different too, in ways they couldn’t quite describe. Stevonnie wondered if the way they tasted was a blend of how Steven and Connie taste things, or if it was completely different to either of them. It was a difficult thing to answer as their memories were a little jumbled. They spent a decent amount of time staring out into the ocean, trying to take notice of all the ways their unique qualia might affect their experience. Wriggling their toes into the wet sand, they let out a contented sigh. 

   Being fused was getting like a big hug, or like snuggling on the couch while playing a co-op game together. Their shared heart squeezed at just being able to experience it with each other again. They were so relaxed, so safe, so comforted, so happy and wow being alive is wonderful. It felt so good that it almost hurt.

   After an hour or so of collecting cool shells and quietly ruminating about philosophy, Stevonnie started towards Steven’s car. Milling around the beach was fun, but they ought to check out Little Homeworld before long.

--- --- ---

   “Stevonnie! Hi!” Pearl, wielding a fencing blade, greeted them from her position at the front of a large multicolored congregation of many other Pearls. “Goodness, it’s lovely to see the two of you together! I was just holding a seminar- Pearls, this is Stevonnie,” she turned to the congregation, who all politely waved and uttered some soft ‘hello!’s.
“Hey, everyone!” Stevonnie waved back. “I shouldn’t interrupt your PIP session, I’ll let you get back to it. You’re doing great!”
“Thank you!” Pearl turned back to the group. “Where was I? Ah, so- the three basic techniques of fencing are the lunge, the parry, and the riposte...” Her voice drifted into the background as Stevonnie walked out of earshot.

   They took in all the sights and sounds, noticing all the finished buildings that had been under construction the last time Connie had seen them. There were a great many more gems than last time, too, as many of them were visitors from Homeworld and other colonies. Two Sapphires snuggled contently under a tree. Bismuth appeared to have two other Homeworld Bismuths sitting in on a lesson on weapon smithing. Two Lapis Lazulis- the one they knew, and one from Homeworld- were flying overhead, hauling a pool-sized glob of water to the water tank next to the greenhouse.

   They turned, and noticed the words Welcome New Students hanging under the Little Home-School sign. A sickly pit developed in their stomach at the sight of it.

Are we okay?
I’m fine. You?
Yeah, I’m good. Just checking.

   They found Garnet sitting cross-legged in front of her class, who were all starting to get to their feet and shuffle out. Garnet gave them a wide grin as she saw them approach.
“Hi Garnet! I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”
“Not at all, we just finished. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you, Stevonnie!” she got to her feet and pulled them into an enthusiastic hug. Some conflicted feelings churned within Stevonnie, but they returned the hug. “Ooff- ... well, I’m glad to be here!”

   “How have you been?”
“Well… I ate half a muffin and found some seashells on the beach.” Stevonnie shrugged. “I’m mostly just milling around and enjoying myself for a while.”
“That’s wonderful to hear.” Garnet nodded. “I’m glad to see that you fused today. I hope Steven and Connie keep in regular contact while Connie’s at college.”
“Pfft. Of course they will! Why wouldn’t they?” Stevonnie looked at her, bemused. The pit they felt when looking at the Little Home-School sign came back, a little wider than before.
“I just worry sometimes, that’s all.” Garnet said softly. “Humans sometimes say that ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’, but that isn’t always accurate. Relationships need maintenance”

The pit grew.

   “You don’t... see us drifting apart, do you?” Stevonnie asked.
“Hmm.” Garnet leaned back against the half-wall behind her to think, pushing up her glasses. “College lasts four years... Honestly, anything could happen in that time.” she gave a noncommittal shrug. “I don’t think it’s useful to-” Garnet recoiled suddenly with a gasp. “Oh.”
“...Garnet?”
“Ah-” she shook her head. “Nothing. Just one of the futures I saw.”
Stevonnie frowned. “It’s not like you to have a reaction that strong to your future vision.”
Garnet seemed to struggle with her words. “...There are some things that you never get used to. But it’s alright. It’s very unlikely to come to pass... and it’s not a good idea to share every possible future I see.”
“Was it about me?”
“...No.”
“Garnet.”
Garnet sighed. “I’m sorry. Truly. At this point in time, telling you about it might paradoxically make it more likely to happen. Anyway, that whole timeline could be cut off from our present as soon as tomorrow morning. It’s better to focus on enjoying your time together.”
“Hrmm. Alright, fine. Keep your ~secrets~.” Stevonnie rolled their eyes and wiggled their fingers at her playfully.

   Stevonnie left to wander over to the outskirts of Little Homeworld, finding Amethyst and a troupe of other gems- mostly other quartzes- kicking a ball around a field. Squinting their eyes, they could see that the players appeared to be playing soccer, but it was definitely a basketball they were kicking around.
“Heeey Stevonniiieeeee! ” Amethyst yelled out from the playing field. She was wearing a referee outfit, and blew on a whistle she was wearing around her neck. “Half-time, people! ” The other gems mostly stopped and looked up at her, but a few continued running after the ball. “Hey dude, how’s everything been?? How’s Connie doing?”
“Oh, Connie’s been up to her eyeballs in college prep, but she’s taking it all in stride.” Stevonnie shrugged. “You all look like you’re having fun!”
“Heck yeah. So do you! ” Amethyst gave Stevonnie a playful punch on the arm. “It’s great to see you together!”
“Heh. Thanks. Yeah, Garnet and Pearl said something like that, too.”
“Well... yanno,” Amethyst rolled her eyes and shrugged, “Steven’s been kinda keeping to himself lately, and, I dunno… It’s just good to see he’s not a total hermit.” She shook her head. “Anyway, never mind that! You wanna join in?”
As if on queue, the basketball flew over and whupped Amethyst on the back of her head. She flinched and looked back at the field indignantly, only to see two quartzes yelling angrily at each other.
“Ahh, that’s okay. Maybe another ti-”

‘Another time’ is gonna be ages away. Four years. Remember?

“I-... um,” Stevonnie swallowed and clenched their fists. “A-actually, you know what? Count me in.”
“Yeah, nice!” Amethyst pumped her fist in the air, then turned to point at the field. “Okay- Green team is Cat’s-eye, Citrine, the Prasiolite twins, Blue Topaz and Lepidolite; Orange team is Feldspar, Unikite, Leopard, Tsavorite, Olivine, Hematite and Carnelian. Green team is one player down, so-!”
“Got it!” Stevonnie bounded onto the field and was greeted merrily by the members of Green team.
The team distinctions didn’t actually seem to make much of a difference, as each player mostly just did what they wanted, kicking the ball into whichever goal and taking whatever excuse to charge-tackle each other. Stevonnie might have sustained a few bruises if not for Steven’s gem bolstering their strength, but it was good, silly fun all around regardless. Eventually a brawl broke out over someone kicking the ball into escape velocity, and Stevonnie took that moment to bow out and move on.

--- --- ---

   The full moon sat high in the sky, surrounded by stars and perfectly situated in the middle of the canopy above. Stevonnie stretched and yawned atop the roof of the dondai, awoken by a pre-winter chill rolling in.
“Brr... I guess I drifted off.” they said out loud to nobody in particular.
The sound of crickets surrounded them, punctuated by the occasional hoot of an owl in the distance. The air was mostly still, save for the occasional breeze wafting in from the ocean.
Stevonnie absentmindedly grabbed their phone- whichever one they found first- and checked the time.

   “Whoah-! It’s past ten!” They sat up with a jolt. “Geez, I’ve got to be getting back!”
They shook their head. “Well. Connie’s gotta be getting back.” they corrected themself.
They climbed off the roof of the car and took a deep breath, preparing to gently unfuse. Steven’s gem glowed for a moment.
They almost didn’t notice that they were still together until they walked into the back of the car by trying to sit in both the driver and passenger seat at once.
“Whuff?! Oh, gosh. Okay, for real this time:”

   They closed their eyes and took a deep breath, and concentrated on separating their thoughts.
Connie likes medical dramas. Steven watches old Space Journey reruns. Connie likes orange and poppy seed muffins. Steven picks the chocolate donut with sprinkles. Connie’s been packed for college for two months. Steven sometimes forgets to pack pencils. Connie still eats meat, Steven’s a vegetarian.

   They opened their eyes back up to see they were still in one body, and frowned. With a grunt, they widened their stance and loosely shook their limbs around. “Okay- I’m just outta practice, that’s all. It’s fine . I have to split up sooner or later, Stevonnie’s not the one enrolled into college . Connie’s mom is probably wondering where she is. C’mon. Let’s go!”

   Stevonnie screwed their face up in concentration and threw their arms wide, as though trying to physically pull themselves apart. Steven’s gem lit up once again, but this time, the glow spread all over their body, lighting the whole forest up in pink. When they opened their eyes back up, the sight made their heart drop.

   “Oh- oh come on! ” they threw their arms up. “This is just freaking great! ” They flopped back against the dondai, crossing their arms in a huff.
“Uhmm... Maybe I should call Garnet? She’s probably been in a situation like this befo- No. No. I can handle this on my own.” They scowled, then frowned in confusion.
“What? Why not?”
“It’s fine! It’s just my powers being weird again. We don’t have to bother her, it's fine.” Stevonnie began to pace back and forth nervously, tugging their hair.
“A three-minute phone call isn’t going to ‘bother her’! Don’t you think she’d want us to call about something like this?” Stevonnie shook their head, and looked at the phone in their hand. The hand it was in unlocked the screen with a swipe. The other hand grabbed it and threw it into the bushes.
“What the heck?!”
“I-I-I’m sorry! I don’t know what the heck!”

   They chased after the phone, still lit up by the unlocked screen, and pocketed it after checking that it didn’t have any cracks.
“...Sorry.”
“Hey, that was your phone. It’s alright, I just...” Stevonnie shrugged, looking at their incandescent feet as they shuffled over to the car. “What’s happening?”

   They sighed deeply, leaning against the car. “...Mmmmy powers are all connected to the state of my emotions. ...This one included.”
“So, um… do you wanna... talk about stuff?”
Stevonnie put their face in their hands and dragged their fingers down it. “...Guuhhh.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Uuurgh... I think I do, or we won’t be able to unfuse at all.” they kicked the dirt. "That's how it always goes."
“Okay, well... let’s sit down first.”

   They lay down in the back passenger seat of the car, and closed their eyes. They were so out of sync now that under normal circumstances they would have come flying apart- as such, the feeling of remaining fused in this state felt completely bizarre, as though their senses were receiving two sets of input from the world around them. It was like having someone else's face far too close to your own and being unable to move away.
“Umm... Well... Obviously, I’m... going to miss you when you start college.”
“...Yeah. I’m going to really miss you, too.”
“Being Stevonnie felt like it was old times again. Running around on the beach, walking around town, just being together... I don’t want it to stop.”
“You could come visit me sometimes! You have a car! And... you know, a teleporting lion.”
“I know! I know I can. I haven’t forgotten!” Stevonnie sat up and ruffled their hair, letting out some nervous energy. “I’m just... I’m... scared.” the admission hit them like a jolt of electricity, and their chest tightened. “I’m scared of the future. There’s so much happening around me, everyone’s moving on with their lives and changing, and they look at me and they ask what I want for my life, and I don’t know!” their voice broke and their eyes began to water. “You remember what Garnet said? Absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder. I’m so scared that we, we’ll drift apart, and… and that there’s nothing to be done about it.” They drew their knees close to their body. In that moment, fusion felt an awful lot like they were some loser crying all alone in the back of their car in the middle of the woods.

   Stevonnie took a shaky breath. “You know I wouldn’t let that happen.”

   “I-I do... I know you wouldn’t, not on purpose,” their voice was choked. “But it s- it still hurts to see you go. To see everyone go! I can’t help but feel like I’m being left behind... I- I-...” A tear rolled down their right cheek, and they swallowed a small sob. “Th-that’s selfish of me, right? I should be happy that you’re going to college. You’re going to w-work hard like you’ve always done, you’re going to do great and g-graduate and g-get an amazing j-job as, as a rocket scientist or something, while I’m sitting here being a big, jealous baby about it instead of doing something worthwhile myself!”

   Stevonnie sniffled and shook their head. “Y-you’re not being a baby! I get how you're feeling.” The more resolute tone was punctuated by crying hiccups. “I’m scared for the future, too. I’m super nervous about starting college! I don’t know what kinds of people I’m going to meet, or what my professors are going to be like, or even if I’ll get along with anyone there. I’m really scared that I’ve picked the wrong major! But you… You gave me the confidence to start talking to people, you convinced me of my self-worth. You helped me stand up to my mom- she respects me, now! And, do you think I could ever experience fusion with literally anybody else?! You’ve changed my life in so many ways, big and small... I can’t even imagine what it’d be like without you! I wouldn’t want to live that life!”

   They sat and let out a few sobs, resigning themself to the fact that it just had to come out. The conversation was turning their insides to awful, salty jelly.

   “...It’s... I... gosh... It’s not like I thought y-you would just forget about me, or anything. I’ve j-just... h-had a lot on my mind lately and... tch...” they shook their head. "... Thank you."
“It’s okay. Whatever it is, we can talk about it. It doesn’t have to be now. Just know that I’ll always be ready to listen. I’ll always want to be a part of your universe.”
Stevonnie hugged themself around the shoulders, curling up into a ball. All at once the pink glow dissipated, and they let out an exhausted sigh, resting their head on their knees. Their form glowed bright pink-white, and they gently morphed back into two dorky teens, clutching each other in a desperate embrace. Steven was sitting halfway in Connie’s lap, and they both had tears dripping down their faces.

   “Th-that line will never stop being corny.” Steven offered Connie a weak, teary smile.
Connie chuckled and shook her head, and pressed her forehead into the crook of his neck. “You love it.”
“Pffft.” they already had all of their limbs entangled with one another, but Steven squeezed Connie even closer. “You’re right. I do.”

Chapter Text

   Dry leaves and twigs crunched underfoot. More fell from the trees above as they gently swayed and creaked in the autumn wind. The ocean wasn’t visible out this way, but if one paid close attention, they could still smell the salt on the air.

   Steven was particularly distracted on his way into Jasper’s territory. Specific thoughts and memories barged into his head as though they were being played on a loudspeaker. Volleyball cowering among cracking glass. Huge polygonal pink walls slowly closing in on him and his friends. A hulking cactus monster reciting his most vulnerable admissions wherever it went. Accidentally trapping his girlfriend in a fusion and ugly-crying in the woods. Everything seemed to be playing in a loop. As he reached the barren clearing, he shook his head and forced the issues from his mind. It’s weird-pink-power-surge training time.

   “Jasper?” he called out, scanning the landscape. He spotted the hulking quartz as she looked out from the cave entrance.

   “You again.”

   “Hi!” Steven waved at her. “...Um. How are you?”
“Bored and angry.” 
“...Rrright.” he nodded slowly. “Well... hey! A fight will remedy at least one of those, right?”

   Steven squared his stance and summoned his shield, holding it to deflect whatever ridiculously powerful blow Jasper was bound to swing at him. Jasper glared at him with an unreadable expression, and shook her head.

   “...Not today.”
“Huh?” Steven blinked. He kept his shield up, in case it was a trick. “Why... not?”
“I don’t feel like it.” Jasper crossed her arms.
“...You don’t feel like fighting.” Steven regarded her suspiciously.
“That’s right. I don’t. Get off my back.”

   “...Huh.” Steven looked at her for a moment, and dissipated his shield. “Are you... okay?”
“I said get off my back!”
“Oh for- At least tell me what’s wrong!”
“Tch... I don’t know how anyone can stand you.” Jasper stared back with an angry sneer. “But fine... I’ll say, on the condition that you leave me alone when I’m finished.” She walked back into the cave to lean against the cave wall, casting her gaze straight ahead.

   A long, awkward period of silence followed. Steven fiddled with the hem of his jacket, not wanting to interrupt Jasper’s thought process, but the longer it took the more uncomfortable he got. 

   After several minutes, Jasper spoke. “...Why do you think we were made?”
Steven frowned, unsure if he understood the question. “...Like, gems?”
“Yes.”
“I... uhh,” he realised he might be the wrong person to be trying to answer that. “The... Diamonds wanted to expand their empire, right?”
Jasper gave a single nod. “To what end?”
“To... make... more gems, I guess?”
“Why?”
“I... don’t know.”

   Jasper nodded. “Gems that aren’t shattered last indefinitely. Every now and again, a soldier will be felled on the field of battle, or a non-combatant is shattered through some accident. These gems would need to be replaced. But the rate of expansion the Diamonds maintained far outpaced the need for replacement.”
“...Yeah?”
“Era Two was defined by a starvation of resources- the resources needed to make gems. Yet the whole time, for six thousand years, gems continued to be made at an exponential rate. The ranks were filled with gangue, necessitating the construction of limb enhancers and other external tools, which drained resources even further.”
“Uhuh?”
“Why?!” Jasper threw her hands forward.
“...I have no idea.”
“Because the Diamonds told us to.”
“Oh, right.”

   Jasper looked at Steven. “Do you know who made the Diamonds, or why?”
“...Nnno?” Steven lifted one eyebrow. “I mean. I think Pink Diamond was made by the other Diamonds? But I don’t have any idea how the rest were made.”
“Yellow and Blue were made by White. White Diamond was the first of all Gemkind. But nobody knows where White Diamond came from.”
Steven frowned. “Wouldn’t White Diamond herself know?”
“Hmph. If she does, she hasn’t shared it with anybody else.” Jasper gave a scornful flick of her hand. “Before the empire was dismantled, the most popular story was that she made herself.”
“That... does that make sense?”
“No.”
“Okay, just checking.”

   “As far as anyone knows, the Gem Empire was the way it was all because White Diamond willed it to be so. A gem appears who makes more gems, and those gems make more gems, and more and more and more and more! Why?!” Jasper threw her arms wide in exasperation. “What’s the point of it all? Was there even any point to begin with?!”

   “Whoah.” Steven stared at her with wide eyes. “Jasper... I never realized you had so much doubt about the Empire.”
“I didn’t, until it was systematically destroyed by a handful of off-color rebels.”
“...Okay, that’s fair.”

   Steven sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“...I think I get it, you know?” he started carefully. “You probably don’t care about this, but... I used to wonder about something similar in regards to my Mom. Thinking about it now, I guess I still do.”
   He slowly shuffled over to the wall Jasper was leaning against, keeping a respectful distance (that is to say, out of kicking range). 
   “Everyone who knew her seemed to think it was this big, noble gesture that she gave up her form to make me. But I could never wrap my head around why she did it in the first place, when she could have gone about it in a hundred other ways that didn’t end up with her basically dying. I didn’t ask for her to do that.” he folded his arms, unconsciously mirroring Jasper’s posture. “She left behind a message for me, but looking back now, after hearing about all the other things she’s done to all these other people... a lot of what she said in it feels like it’s either lies, or just... meaningless.” he shrugged. “I used to think she must have some big, secret, important task for me- that would explain why she went to all that effort, right?... but I don’t think she did. I think she mostly just..." he sighed. "...wanted to stop existing.”

   Steven looked up at Jasper. He had expected her to admonish him by now, for expressing his feelings, or for bad-mouthing her Diamond, but she hadn’t. Instead, she was regarding him with a grim, thoughtful frown.
“If a Diamond decides her own existence is meaningless,” she uttered darkly, “then what hope is there for the rest of us?”
Steven looked back down at the ground without really seeing it. He couldn’t find an answer for her. Jasper pushed off of the wall and brushed the residual dirt from her shoulders.

   “So! That’s why I don’t feel like fighting today.” she said matter-of-factly, turning back to look at Steven expectantly. After a moment, she scowled at him. “Don’t look at me like that!”
“S-sorry! I just... wish there was something I could do to help you feel better.”
“I don’t need your pity. I told you the reason I don’t want to fight, on the specific condition that it'd get you to stop bothering me.”
“Grrrrgh-!” Steven growled in frustration, then took a deep breath. “Fine! Fine. I’ll be back tomorrow, or the day after... or whenever. I still need to train my powers, you know?” he shuffled out of the cavern. “Take care!” 
“Whatever.”

--- --- ---

   Steven blinked back against stinging eyes, and reached for his phone. Twenty past ten. Looks like he’d slept through his alarm again. He let out a defeated sigh.

   A twinge of a headache made him realise that he was dehydrated, too, which did nothing to improve his mood. Laying in place, he weakly tried to summon up reasons to get out of bed; his body provided the best argument for him.

   Washing his hands in the bathroom, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Usually, he would unconsciously avoid looking at his own reflection unless he was getting ready to head out, but something drew his attention. His right eye was bloodshot.

   “...Ew.” he pulled the lower lid down with his finger for a better look, and confirmed that this infected eye stung against the air a little more than the other. He idly tried to recall the last time he’d changed his pillow covers, and came to the conclusion that he really should put a load of laundry on, regardless- he unwittingly tended to let things pile up ever since he repeatedly forbade Pearl from doing any of his housework for him.

   After starting up the washing machine, he went back inside to flop onto the couch. On days like this even the smallest amount of effort was exhausting. He checked his phone, and found way more messages than he had the energy to reply to.

   ‘hay dood im teachin the famethyst how to eat food today if u wanna join. im bringin chaaaps and turpentine’

   ‘Stuball just 2 let U no im heading out of town 4 a few days.. Checkin out nu location.. Back B4 U no it.. Pls call if U need anything @ all XOXO luv ya buddy..’

   ‘Vidalia wants Rainbow to watch Onion on the weekend, do you think you’ll be available? It’s no trouble if you can’t <3’

   ‘Theres a bottle of pinkeye drops in the medicine cabinet. Take care.’

   It was all a bit too much to take in all at once, and Steven let out a deep sigh. There was one person he wanted to talk to, but- he looked at the clock- she’d probably be in a lecture right about now. Steven tapped a simple ‘hi’ to Connie’s messenger, and waited. There was no reply for a couple of hours, but eventually, while dozing off in front of the tv he heard a notification beep.

   ‘Steven hi!!! Whats up!!!’
‘hi hi, nothin much :) hows college?’
   ‘Actually its great!!! It’s a little overwhelming but I already feel like I belong here. Everyone so far has been super cool’
‘nice’
   ‘Theres a spirit morph saga fanclub!!! Ive already made friends with some of the members, theres one person who does super cool fanart and a bunch of them have their own fanfiction blogs’
‘whoa rad’
   ‘The classes are cool too, its nothing like a normal classroom, you can just come and go whenever and the teachers don’t get mad at you for it, you can bring your laptop in to take notes and everyones all actually interested in what the teachers saying! I don’t know if thats something most people get excited about but I’m super jazzed about it’
‘sounds like fun’
   ‘It is!!! So whats been going on with you?? Is your house fixed yet’
‘oh yea its done. we really wanted it to get done before winter so dad spent some extra money to get the contractors to shuffle their schedule. no more tarps!’
   ‘Thats great!!!’
‘yea lol. the plants were a bit sad cus i hadnt watered them for a while but theyre getting better. i named a bluebell after you, i hope that’s not weird’
   ‘Aaawww!!! No that’s adorable!!! What other plants have you got?’
‘oh man, a lot… theres some roses, a hibiscus, a potentilla, some hyacinths, an allium… an onion... Umm theres some foxgloves… a couple baby mango trees and a poplar. oh and theres a honeysuckle thats just growing all over the place lol i dont have a nickname for that one yet’
   ‘Wow you’ve got a whole botanical garden in there!!! You’ve always had great taste in flowers :)’
‘lol. thanks’

   Steven idly tapped the side of his phone with the tip of his finger, trying to think of something else to talk about before Connie had to go back to class. His thoughts were interrupted by Pearl walking out of her temple room with a stack of books and forms.

   “Good morning, Steven!”
“Hi, Pearl.”
“Did you see my messa-” Pearl gasped, nearly dropping her books, looking at Steven in shock. “Steven! Your eye!”
Steven frowned at her, bemused. “It’s just pinkeye. Minor infection. It's not gonna fall out of its socket, Pearl.”

   Pearl blinked at him, then forced a grimace-like smile. “Oh! Of... course! Hoho, silly me! ...Garnet told you she put some eye drops in the medicine cabinet, right?”
“...Yeah? What, did she tell you I was going to get pink eye today?”

   “Uh!..” Pearl pursed her lips. “No! Well, yes! I-I mean, I noticed she bought some, and I was just... curious as to why, and-! Uh-!” she suddenly jumped into a sprint out the door, clutching her books to her chest. “ActuallyIcan’tstaytochathavealovelydaybye!!”

   Well, that was bizarre. Steven looked back at his phone.

‘hey random but, im having some trouble with jasper’
   ‘Oh yeah? Is she being difficult?’
‘well obvs yea but thats not it. last we met she seemed depressed. im actually kind of worried about her’
  ‘:O’
‘i figure theres gotta be smthn i can do to make her feel better. but idk if there even is anything she’d like that doesnt involve wrecking buildings or w/e. and its not like i can just ask her’
   ‘Hmm. Gayl Marnegie says the best way to get someone to like you is to say their name a lot and talk about their interests. I don’t know if that applies to gems but it might help?’

   Steven was midway through typing a response when Pearl returned, approaching him like a frightened animal.
“...Steven...”
“What’s up?” Steven looked back at her with concern, putting the phone down on the couch.
Pearl chewed her lip for a moment, looking for the right words. She sat delicately on the couch beside him. “...You know we all love you. Don’t you?”
“...Of course.”
“You can talk to any one of us if you’re feeling upset, or-”
“Pearl.” Steven let out an irritated huff. “What’s going on?”
“I-I-...’m just concerned for your mental health, Steven.”
Steven flopped against the back of the couch with a deep sigh, closing his eyes. Not this again.
“I am fine, Pearl.”
“I-” Pearl stuttered. Steven opened his eyes to look at her. She was looking at her knees, clearly gripped by some sort of dread.
Steven put a hand on her shoulder. “Has... something happened?”
Pearl looked back at him, and her face was plainly riddled with guilt.
“I’m... no. No. I’m being silly.” she gave a smile, though the corners of her mouth twitched as she did so. “You know me... always panicking over the littlest things! Heh.”
Steven frowned and let his hand fall, turning his gaze away. It was painfully obvious that she was lying, but he couldn’t bring himself to call her out on it.

   “...Look. I’m chatting with Connie.” he held up his phone. “She’s been a big help with a lot of stuff. It’s alright.” he was tempted to add ‘I’m not about to throw myself off a cliff!’, but held back. “Look, I’m sorry for not talking much to you and the others lately... It just feels like everyone’s been treating me like I’m made of paper, or like I’m a bomb about to go off or something. It’s patronizing and frustrating and-...” Steven trailed off with a sigh.
“I’m- I didn’t realize. I’m sorry, Steven.” Pearl shook her head. “I’m glad you’re able to confide in Connie. I’ll keep my distance if that’s what you want.” she gently patted Steven’s arm.
“Thanks, Pearl. Sorry for being grumpy.”

   Pearl smiled, and suddenly flung her arms around Steven’s shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug, catching him off guard. “...Take care of yourself, Steven.”

   Something like paranoia began to slowly creep over Steven’s neck and shoulders as he watched Pearl leave. How had a case of pink-eye caused Pearl to panic so badly, anyway? And did she actually ‘just happen’ to come across Garnet buying medicine for it, or did Garnet forewarn her for some reason? Who else was talking about him behind his back?

   He looked back at his phone, and felt a pang of guilt.

   ‘Steven Ive gotta go, my next class is starting. You can still message me whenever I just won’t respond for a while!!! Have a great day <3 <3 <3’

   Steven sighed. 

‘sorry i got distracted. enjoy your class, bye <3’

   He locked the phone and set it down on the console, and lay down to ruminate for a while.

--- --- ---

   The sunset washed the sky with intense orange and delicate pink. The shadows of the trees cast long, wiry bands across the ground.

   “Jasper?” Steven called out when he reached the clearing. “I know it’s kind of late. Are you around?”
Jasper stood up from behind one of the massive boulders near her cave. “...You’re back.”
“I sure am!” Steven tried on a wide smile. “How’ve you been?"
“The answer to that question hasn’t changed since the last time you asked.”
“...Hmm.” Steven pursed his lips. “Well… Have you managed to get that wicked fighting spirit of yours back?” he held up his fists with an expectant expression. Jasper simply glared back at him.

   Steven slowly lowered his fists. “I... guess that’s a no. Uhm...” he grasped for a change of topic. “...Wwwwhat’ve you been doing to pass the time?”
“Training.”
“Oh! What are you doing to train?”
“I showed you when you first came to bother me. Throwing rocks.”
“Oh. Hmm.”
“What?!” Jasper spat.
“Nothing! Nothing. I just figured you’d be… I dunno, doing something different. Like, uhh,” Steven looked around. “You... could build an enemy tower on the outskirts of your area somewhere, and then knock it down! Oh-! Or you could build an obstacle course and run through it, to make sure you’re keeping in top form! That could be fun.”
“Building. Do I look like a bismuth to you?” Jasper crossed her arms with a scowl.
“You don’t have to be a bismuth to build stuff. Humans build things all the time! I mean sure, to a gem a lot of human buildings might seem kinda flimsy-”
“Chyeh. Who’da thought.”
“-but who cares! It’s not like you have to impress anyone but yourself.”
Jasper rolled her eyes. “...Fine. An obstacle course is actually not a completely garbage idea. I’ll build one.”
“Yeah!”

“By myself.”

   “Oh.” Steven frowned. “Are you sure? I could go get some supplies-”
“No.”
“I think Connie’s got an old scouts book that shows you how to lash rope-”
“No.”
“Amethyst has some sports equipment we could use-”
“Will you back off already?!” Jasper growled. “I already told you I don’t need your help!”

   Fed up, Steven let out a loud groan. “I don’t get it! Why are you so scared of accepting help?!”
“I’m not scared! You don’t have any idea what you’re talking about!” Jasper bellowed, jabbing a finger into his chest.
“Really.” Steven leaned up at Jasper, jabbing his finger right back. “You hide out here all alone so you can tell yourself you’re a biiig gem who doesn’t need anyone, but if that were true, you wouldn’t have to push everyone away all the time!”
“What, you think you’re better than me because you’re surrounded by people who worship you?!”
“No! Nobody ‘worships’ me! I’m talking about you!” Steven balled his fists. “You think it’s weak to get help from people, but you’re wrong!”
“You’re the one who needs help!”
“Buzz off! Stop trying to turn it back on me!”
“You give gems your pity because it makes you feel better about yourself. Then when a gem doesn’t want it you’re faced with your own inadequacy! You’re a judgemental hypocrite!”
“As if you’re any better!!!”

   Steven’s head and heart were pounding in anger. Jasper’s fist was on a collision course with his face- without thinking, he threw his fist at her, too.
Their collective mass tumbled to the ground. They beat the dirt with their fists and let out a roar, before stopping to take a look at the bright, blood-red hands they now shared.

   “What?!”

   Their rage was overtaken by shock, and they quickly fell out-of-sync, splitting apart and skidding a little ways off from one another. Steven coughed and got to his feet.

   “Jasper!” Steven looked at her in awe. “I-I can’t believe it! Who was that?!”

   Jasper had stayed sitting on the ground, completely stunned. She looked back at Steven with an expression that was difficult to read, somewhere between amazement and horror. It was strange to see her looking so vulnerable. 

   “...We fused.”
“Yeah!”
“...Why are you so happy about that?” Jasper seemed unnerved.
Steven blinked. “...Shouldn’t I be?”
“I...” 

   Steven slowly approached Jasper, and held out a hand to help her to her feet. She glared at it and stayed put.

   “Fusion's the only 'trick' we Crystal Gems know,” Steven rolled his eyes and smiled. “I think I remember you saying something like that, right?”

   He could see that gears were turning in Jasper’s head, and they were working overtime. Ignoring his hand, she got to her feet and looked at him.

   “...I’ve never fused by accident before. How did that happen?”
“Oh. Really? It feels like most of my first fusions were accidental.” Steven let out a chuckle. “I think maybe we just... have more in common than we first thought?”
“Urgh.” Jasper rolled her eyes, but didn’t offer any sort of rebuke. She crossed her arms and looked back at him with the same inscrutable expression she showed before. “So...”

   An awkward pause slipped between them. Jasper seemed to be internally fighting with herself. 
“...Now what?”
“...You wanna try again?” Steven gave light shrug.
“Wh-?!” Jasper stared at him in abject shock. “Why would you want that?”
“Plenty of reasons.” Steven stepped toward her. “We could learn more about each other... we could learn more about ourselves. We could just hang out and enjoy it.”
Jasper looked at him as though he were speaking gibberish. “...Fusions aren’t meant to be enjoyed.”
“Who says? The Diamonds?” Steven put his hands on his hips. “I thought you were done letting them decide what you do with your life.”
Jasper’s brow furrowed, and she shook her head with a groan. “...Eurgh! How can you be so casual about this?!”
“I...” Steven pursed his lips. “I think we just have very different perspectives and experiences with fusion. ...Hey, I can see you’re having a lot of weird feelings about it right now. I guess that makes sense. So, you know, if you want me to leave and come back later-”
“But-?!” Jasper shook her head, but the rest of her protests died on her lips.

Steven and Jasper stared at each other for several moments. Jasper shook her head, crossed her arms, and a familiar scowl finally returned to her face.

“What’s up with your eye?”

“Huh?” the sudden topic change blindsided Steven for a moment. “Oh! It’s... it’s called ‘pink eye’. Sometimes humans get infested with, like... these tiny microscopic organics called germs? And, they do stuff to your body-”
“It’s gross.”
“Aah, hahah... yeah, I know.” Steven nodded.

Jasper sneered at him, and another awkward silence permeated the air. Finally, she spoke, nodding towards the woods. “...Whatever. Get lost.”

“...Rrrrright! Uhh... same time next week?” Steven pointed finger-guns and forced a smile, but it was wasted as Jasper turned to walk away from him.
“Fine.”
“Okay. Looking forward to it! Take care of yourself!” Steven waved at her as he left for the woods. 

When he reached the dondai, he sat in the driver’s seat for a few minutes, absentmindedly drumming his fingers along the steering wheel. He felt very mentally drained. Instead of turning the engine on, he listened out for the sounds of nature, hearing the squawk of birds returning to their nests and the wind whistling through the trees. 

...Maybe, if Jasper refused to come out of hiding, their fusion could go out and interact with some of the folks of Little Homeworld. They might even hang around Beach City and meet some of Steven’s friends, and Jasper could experience the joys of friendship through them!

A determined grin played on Steven’s features as he drove back out of the forest.