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Isak first learns about soulmates when he’s four years old, sitting cradled in his mother’s arms on a Saturday morning. She tells him that your soulmate is the person God wants you to grow old with, and that you’ll love that person above all else, that it is the person you’re bound to love for all time. Like she loves pappa , she says, like pappa loves her.
From that day on, Isak longs for the day a name will get burned into his wrist, telling him who holds the key to his heart.
He’s six years old when he meets Even, a tall boy two grades above him, and that defends Isak against some second graders who make fun of him for his short height and long hair. From that point on, he dreams of spending life together with Even. They have so much fun together that God must have meant for them to grow old together, Isak thinks.
He doesn’t ever tell Even this, but he thinks prays that Even thinks the same.
Isak realizes that he’s in love with Even when he’s eleven, but he knows that it has been going on for a long time - too long - at that point.
The thing is, it’s hard not to love Even. He’s Isak’s angel, the bestest friend he’s ever had. It feels like they’re made to be. He can tell and ask Even whatever he might think of, and he’ll never laugh at Isak. Even just gets Isak in a way no one has before.
And Even’s beautiful, he is. He’s so tall and has beautiful blue eyes and thick blonde hair. He looks like those guys in mamma’s old movies. He looks like and angel, Isak thinks. Isak tells Jonas this, and Jonas says that he’s so whipped, Issy .
Even likes his hair, Isak learns, his angel curls , as Even calls them, and Isak dares to think that he’s Even’s angel, too.
Even has his first manic episode at age fifteen, and Isak sits by his hospital bed for as long as his parents let him. He’ll card his fingers through Even’s messy hair, and Even will curl up to him as soon as Isak lays down next to him. Even calls him an angel before he slips back into sleep one day, and Isak’s heart skips a beat.
He does some research about bipolar disorder, and when he tells Even about what he’s learned, he kisses Isak’s curls and calls him sweet.
Things don’t change after that, not really, but Isak gets braver. He’s still only thirteen, so he doesn’t dare to do some things, afraid he’ll look silly, but now he’ll run his fingers through Even’s hair and jump onto his back sometimes. Even’s still the same, he’ll touch Isak in ways he doesn’t touch his other friends, not even Mikael. He’ll tuck Isak under his arm, and hug him in lieu of greeting.
He thinks that maybe Even loves him, too.
When Isak’s dad fucks off when Isak’s fifteen, he gets to stay with Even’s family for weeks until they find someone else for him to live with. He gets to sleep in Even’s bed every night, even though he’s actually supposed to sleep on a mattress on the floor. They cuddle all the time, and Even says that it’s like tea for the soul. Calming, warm, healthy.
Even turns eighteen on a Thursday, and Isak has been waiting for that day since he was six years old. It’s the day where he’ll see his name on Even’s wrist and they’ll run into the sunset together, hand in hand.
They don’t.
Even gets a soulmate that isn’t Isak, and Isak’s world falls apart.
It’s some girl in his year, apparently.
Sonja, her name is, and she looks at Even like he hung the stars.
And Even-
Even looks at her like she holds the secrets to the universe.
She probably does, Isak wouldn’t be surprised if someone as bright as her does. She’s everything Isak wants to be.
Nice, bright, sunny, beautiful, Even’s soulmate.
Isak wants to hate her, he really does, she stole Even from him, but he can’t. She’s nice, treats him like he’s Even’s little brother, and maybe, most of all, she makes Even happy.
Happier than Isak has ever made him, and happier than he could ever make him.
Isak moves in with Eskild and Linn five weeks and two days after Even’s eighteenth birthday.
Sonja turns eighteen in August, and when Isak first sees Even’s name on her wrist, he digs his nails into his palms until they bleed. It doesn’t make the tear of his heart hurt any less, though. Nothing ever does.
He tries to get used to the thought of never getting to love Even the way he wants, he does, but then Even does something that makes Isak so overwhelmed with the love he feels for him that he doesn’t know what to do.
Like, sometimes, even though he has Sonja, he’ll hold Isak’s hand as they walk next to each other, and sometimes he’ll braid Isak’s hair and call his curls golden rays. It’s just Even - the guy who has called Isak his baby brother more times than he can count, probably. He’s always been like that. It’s not because it’s Isak , it’s because it’s his brother.
Two years, four months and nine days after Even turns eighteen, it’s Isak’s turn. He doesn’t know what would be worse; not getting a soulmate at all, or getting one that he won’t ever love like he loves Even.
What he gets is even worse.
Even Bech Næsheim, it says.
In the end, he loves Even until his dying breath, and Even loves someone else.