Chapter Text
Group: Konoha 11 (and Sai)
Members online: seventhking, Cherryqueen, return2019, blaze it, omni-vore, sapphowasright, Buzzkill, 10/10, hina, averygoodboy, whomst’d’ve
1:24pm
blaze it: GUYS HELP ME I THINK THE CUTE NEW TRANSFER STUDENT HATES ME THIS IS A DRAG!!!!!!!
10/10: wait we have transfers
hina: yeah, you know the ones who came from the arabic exchange program from the middle east, it happened like a week ago
hina: tenten, how do u not know? im not blaming you, its just that all of my teachers have been talking about it
10/10: to be honest, i barely know jackshit about wtf is even happening half the time anyways
Buzzkill: that is true, like how you are texting in english right now instead of paying attention to what mr hatake is saying. I knew it was a mistake on mr hatake’s part to change our seating arrangements now no one can stop you from texting in class.
10/10: neji chill its a lecture about fucking HAMLET
10/10: speaking of which, what are you doing on YOUR phone at the moment ;)?
Buzzkill: ...touché.
omni-vore: shika what happened?
sapphowasright: why do u wanna know choji?
sapphowasright: could someone be…jealous?
omni-vore: its quite simple ino,
omni-vore: as shika’s best nb pal, i am obligated to assist him with whatever romantic endeavors may come up in his life
omni-vore: there is a reason you, ino, are not as deeply rooted into shikamaru’s life as i am
sapphowasright: oof i am hurt
sapphowasright: choji’s harassing me yall
seventhking: SHIKA WHO IS IT
blaze it: its the middle eastern girl
blaze it: shes in our history block
blaze it: you know, the one who wears that really pretty black hijab and has blonde hair and has those two other transfers who are always hanging out with her, one of them has red hair?
blaze it: y’know, shes really smart and her muscles flex under her clothes when shes playing basketball
Buzzkill: yes, yes we know what you’re saying, you can shut up now
Cherryqueen: wait, shika has a crush?
blaze it: um yes, i think thats pretty evident
blaze it: i think at this point everyone in school has a crush on her shes pretty fine
return2019: is that mlm erasure i see?
seventhking: oh deary everyone brace yourself for sasuke’s daily monologue on why cishets are destroying society
blaze it: hol up sasuke wait i got a picture
(blaze it has sent an image)
blaze it: yalllookather.png
return2019: aahhh okay shes kinda cute
return2019: i already pasted the monologue in nvm
whomst’d’ve: why is there a picture of her just ready for viewing???
whomst’d’ve: thats kinda weird dont u think
blaze it: it was for lee
blaze it: he didn’t believe me when i told him how hot she is,,,,,, she could step on me and id say thanks
averygoodboy: has our man shikamaru nara potentially found himself a suitable mate?
return2019: sad that hes probably too lazy to even talk to her,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, hed take around 200 years just to walk over to her
blaze it: i know but hey
Cherryqueen: lol u know u still love sasuke XD
sapphowasright: yo sakura didn’t u have a huge crush on sasuke back in seventh grade tho
Cherryqueen: babe pls dont go digging for skeletons in closets
10/10: yall dated for like nine months tho before sasuke transitioned
Cherryqueen: WE NEVER SPEAK OF THAT
(thepxwerxfyxuth has logged on)
thepxwerxfyxuth: hi everybody! :D
Cherryqueen: LEE MY SAVIOR HOW ARE YOU
thepxwerxfyxuth: sorry i missed yall, i came in late from a dentist appointment!
Buzzkill: believe me lee, you have missed literally nothing, except shikamaru being a dumb straight and US LITERALLY TALKING FOR WAY TOO DAMN LONG AND WE STILL DONT KNOW WHAT SHIKAMARU DID TO MAKE THE NEW STUDENT HATE HIM
10/10: fair we need to know
thepxwerxfyxuth: im sure she doesn’t hate him, thats a little exaggerated
Cherryqueen: lee youre just being nice
10/10: shika did u really do something to make her hate you???
return2019: he lived thats what he did
blaze it: fUCK YOU SASUKE anything that comes out of your mouth is stupid
return2019: shikamaru.
hina: lol yall are funny
seventhking: look at lil hinata
seventhking: so naive
seventhking: so childlike
seventhking: saying lol in 2020
hina: haha naruto were both 15 lol
seventhking: (blows kiss at hinata)
return2019: fuck yall we get it ur both the sexiest couple alive shut it
hina: Wait, sasuke, u think were dating?
seventhking: well that was unexpected
return2019: Are you?? That’s what i thought??
hina: lol nope
Cherryqueen: naruto’s too dumb for someone like hinata
seventhking: haha it's funny because it’s true
omni-vore: shikamaru, you still there?
blaze it: yep
omni-vore: hurry the FUCK up and tell us what happened
blaze it: oh ok
blaze it: ok so this is pretty stupid so dont think im mentally behind or anything
blaze it: in my defense her hijab looked pretty similar to that black hood that kiba wears to sneak his dog to school and she was turned away talking to that creepy dude from my homeroom and i was kinda dissociating cause schools a drag but whatever
blaze it: you know That Creepy Guy
blaze it: the one with the red hair and crazy eyeliner
blaze it: i also might have been stoned a lil bit but no one needs to tell anybody
blaze it: i ran up to her and grabbed her arm and lifted up her hijab and yelled in her ear “sMOKE WEED EVERYDAY” and SHE JUST GAVE ME THE WORST LOOK
10/10: holy mother of rectangles
blaze it: hold up tenten im not done yet
blaze it: so that one detail about me being stoned is kind of important because i think my stomach reacted weirdly to the stoning in question combined with the utter shock of seeing HER
blaze it: so……… that is the story of how i might have thrown up in my mouth and it came out onto her thigh
blaze it: im pretty sure she would have slit my throat right in front of her creepy brother if ms yuhi hadn’t come out to talk to her at that moment
Buzzkill: wtf is wrong with you
seventhking: shika, my buddy,,,,,,,, i am sincerely shocked
seventhking: i thought u were better than this
Cherryqueen: ASDFGHJKL
Cherryqueen: YOU THOUGHT A MUSCULAR HOT MIDDLE EASTERN CHICK
Cherryqueen: WAS FUCKING KIBA
whomst’d’ve: shikamaru u dumb as fuck
blaze it: fantastic to see that you are all taking great pity for me and my situation
averygoodboy: THAT IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT YO
hina: i am really trying my hardest not to burst out laughing in the middle of bio and fucking yamato is giving me the judgiest look
blaze it: that’s what u get hinata
thepxwerxfyxuth: shika why were u stoned at school u could have been caught
omni-vore: yeah shika bro u have a beautiful brain plz dont kill it doing drugs
blaze it: tbh im not defending myself or anything but hear me out I just finished class with that gross slimy asshead known as mr orochimaru and to be fair i needed to avoid thinking about him and I already had some weed i got from sasori
sapphowasright: mood
thepxwerxfyxuth: um no it isnt?
return2019: wait sasori as in THE sasori
return2019: like my brother’s gang sasori
blaze it: yes and-?
return2019: nothing hes just kinda weird
whomst’d’ve: i mean the guy has a face of a 6 year old and gives tiny sophomores weed just because they have the tiniest connections to their friend itachi
whomst’d’ve: like im sure the only reason shikamaru got that stuff from sasori was because he was the friend of sasuke’s friend who knows sasuke’s older brother
return2019: wait u are referencing me and naruto right
whomst’d’ve: right?? Who else?
seventhking: wait sasuke buddy ur unsure we’re friends?
return2019: no im just checking to make sure shino was accurate
return2019: gtg
(return2019 has logged off)
hina: huh hes weird
Buzzkill: eh he’s sasuke
10/10: thats fair
10/10: oh hol up gtg too see yall yEET
thepxwerxfyxuth: bye tenten!
(10/10 has logged off)
(croptopwontstop has logged on)
croptopwontstop: hello naughty children
seventhking: oh hey sai u missed the whole story!
Buzzkill: shikamaru got his stoner ass beat at his own hand
blaze it: SAI THEY'RE JUST BEING MEAN
Cherryqueen: lol nah shika had a crush and ruined it in a matter of seconds
croptopwontstop: dude u stupid as hell
blaze it: yall are being a drag
thepxwerxfyxuth: awww shika you’re being dramatic its gonna be fine! To help with your stress, u could come by the gym after school one day and take track with guy-sensei, hes the greatest teacher! :D
omni-vore: oh yeah i love mr guy hes great
sapphowasright: choji dont u hate gym
omni-vore: yes but u dont have to like the subject a teacher teaches to like them
croptopwontstop: point
blaze it: i hate yall
blaze it: im leaving, but if any of u bring up The Incident™ around that girl i like i will possess you using only my shadow
(blaze it has logged out)