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August 23 AKA Day 1.
Met a young man outside the garden. Seemed nice enough- Joseph. When I asked him if he had access to a kitchen, he said no. I gave him some peppers since those are fine raw. Hopefully he does ok out there.
HOT GUY WITH VEGETABLES. NICE ASS. Italian? No homo.
maybe a little homo.
he didn’t get my joke about the eggplants but we can work on that.
Day 3.
Joseph seems keen on visiting every day. Must be very hungry.
Day 4.
That damned squirrel took my tomato! When I finally caught that tiny thief, he practically shredded my beautiful face! I showed it what’s what in the end, though. Stupid tree rat.
That man will not survive the streets. I’m going to feed him some spaghetti.
Day 6.
OH NO HE’S MEETING ALL MY STANDARDS
Day 7.
How come the tomatoes from the store taste so bad? I never noticed before. Man, now I can’t eat tomatoes?! Or…I just have to visit Caesar every time I want tomatoes. Oh nooooo whatever will I dooooooooo
8.
He told me I ruined tomatoes for him. Honestly, I did him a favour. I can’t believe people in this country go their whole lives not knowing what good produce is.
9.
I keep trying to get him to talk but he’s real tight-lipped about almost everything. Dodges my questions like his life depends on it. We only talk about the garden or what I’m eating. LET ME IIIINNNNN YOU BEAUTIFUL BLOND BASTARD
10.
That giant idiot nearly got himself run over! What was he thinking! Yes, it’s good the woman was unhurt, but he could have gone about it differently. Who thinks a human body will stop a moving car?! ARE YOUR MASSIVE MUSCLES BLOCKING THE BLOODFLOW TO YOUR BRAIN? THIS DUMBASS BOULDER OF A MAN
11.
It’s just a few bruises I dunno why Cae’s freaking out so much! Plus, the lady was so grateful she gave me like, 6 buckets of blackberries! I know Cae wants to make pie so I just scored him a bunch of free dessert. What’s not to love?
14.
You can’t avoid me! I have too many blackberries! All these antioxidants are giving me superhuman powers!!!
15.
I’m still mad, but… I can’t let those berries go to waste.
16.
Caesar used to live on the streets? Used to FIGHT THE MAFIA? What?! Like, talk about stereotypes. Did not expect that. I mean yeah, I guess it makes sense for why he’s so ripped cuz who gets those abs from growing flowers all day?
It was like being back at Granny’s with how much he was lecturing me, though. Felt like hours before he finally let me talk again. But then he sent me home with more pie and some of that fancy panna cotta so I don’t think he’s mad anymore.
17.
I shoulda jumped in front of a car 2 weeks ago if it meant he would finally start talking about himself. Sheesh!
18.
I might not have to freeze any sauce this year.
20.
HE MADE ME PIZZA. I MIGHT BE IN LOVE. It looked pretty boring and had like, 2 things on it, but it was?? Good??? But I can’t keep mooching forEVer. We always eat at his apartment. Now that I finally got everything moved in, I should invite him over!
24.
This bastard is RICH?!
26.
Cae seems real keen on eating at my place now. Keeps going on about how I need to make up for all the supplies he spent on me. Hey! Did we not just have a feast of berries like, 2 days ago? Courtesy of my gracious heroism? Whatever.
31.
He said he was grateful that he wouldn’t have to go outside as often, yet he persists in coming out to the garden every morning. Before heading back to his place, I suspect, to sleep, because once I arrive for dinner, he’s still yawning with pillow lines all over his face. What is going on in that cavernous skull of his.
33.
I was attacked today. By a revolting horror of a creature. How dare it invade my space? How dare it JUMP. I could not let it live.
Big, buff Caesar is scared of bugs? What the fuck that’s adorable
34.
We have dinner together practically every night now. How does he not know? There’s no way he doesn’t know. I really wanna like. Just. But I don’t really know how to, so, uh. Yeah. Hm.
35.
How does this spoilt brat have a fully-stocked kitchen and not know how to use it? My oven can barely reach 260 degrees, but I swear he has a professional gas range, an indoor roaster, and so many other things I’ve never even seen before.
Today he almost burnt the whole kitchen down. Put a pot with plastic handles in the oven at 280. Gave me some excuse about conversion rates messing him up. Bullshit.
36.
Caesar has taken over my kitchen. How am I supposed to make up “what I owe” if he’s doing all the work anyway? Normally I’d be cool with it, but. Mixing salad in a corner is too lonely. Especially for my birthday! It’s not RIGHT!
37.
Why does he always choose the exact second I’m dealing with hot liquids to lean on me?! He’s like a huge dog that doesn’t know its own weight. I swear I’m going to pour scalding soup on him if he tries it again.
38.
I KNOW HE DID THAT ON PURPOSE. LIAR.
43.
Jojo has been away for several days at a conference. I didn’t even know he had a job. Maybe he’s not a complete deadbeat.
I roasted too many carrots tonight.
I'm reaaaally craving carrots right now. Idk. Too bad I’m stuck in this sweaty hall with only tiny crackers and grapes for food. And all I have to remember home is this BIG HONKING BURN ON MY ARM. THANKS, C. I’LL BE HOME SOON.
44.
I don’t think he even went home between his flight landing and coming over here. Would it have been so difficult to take a shower? Idiot.
Caesar always smells so clean. How does he do it! I swear he rolls around in detergent like some sorta soap pig. That’s gotta be it.
45.
Signora Almasi visited the garden today. Thankfully her potatoes were salvageable. Jojo, the neanderthal, scratched up all the skins while digging them up. Tactless.
Ok be real with me, Me. Do all bros grab your waist when they're tryna get past you or???
47.
Oho! Just came up with a brilliant idea! Caesar loves being hands-on bossy, so all I gotta do is hide my fantastic brain aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand~~~~
48.
Jojo is easier to manage when I just show him what to do.
All according to keikaku ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
50.
There’s something. Deep within me.. Telling me. That I need to get sunflowers. Something like every voice in my head is screaming and it’s saying
Buy the big stupid yellow flowers
Bring them to Caesar
I don’t know why
AM I SPILLING SECRETS GAINED FROM A THOUSAND YEARS ExpERIENCE OF PARALLEL UNIVERSES?
AM I INFECTED WITH A PARASITE THAT WANTS TO EAT MY BRAIN SO IT CAN MAKE BABIES IN SUNFLOWER SEEDS?
I JUST GOTTA DO IT
I’m gonna do it
Alejandroogle, give me the name of EVERY flower store
HERE I GO I MAY OR MAY NOT INFECT CAESAR WITH A SUNFLOWER PARASITE
R, ,I P.
Jojo has been filling my apartment up with sunflowers for the last 6 hours, on the hour. I can’t move. I tried locking him out but he climbs in through the window. It’s almost like he’s possessed. I’m calling a priest.
51.
Catholics are weird.
52.
Joseph is unbearably stupid. I bet he couldn’t cook a meal by himself to save his life.
BITCHASS CAESAR THINKS JUST CUZ HE SMELLS LIKE FRESH SPAGHETTI HE CAN TALK DOWN TO ME? Nuh uh no way I’ll show him
56.
Where did he go now
58.
How did this buffoon make proper beef bourguignon?
Read em and weep caesarino why don’t you go shove a whole cock o vein up ur butt
60.
So he’s not stupid- just lazy. I’m going to kill him.
He’s falling in love with me. I can see it in his eyes.
63.
I’m going to kill him AFTER I get that recipe.