Work Text:
1.
“I’ll just walk on naked. How’s that for ‘avant-garde’!”
“I mean, I don’t mind,” Suzie chirped, “But you’ll definitely get disqualified.” She blended the last of Joseph’s blush with a flourish.
“Buncha prudes. Ugh, I’d do anything to not wear that.” Joseph stared, forlorn, at the offensive paisley 3-piece jumpsuit hanging on the rack beside Suzie. “You gotta find another designer. I’m this close to doing these shows naked.” Joseph pinched his thumb and index finger together for emphasis.
In the 0.3 seconds before he was scheduled on the catwalk, Joseph violently tore off the abominable apparel and proceeded to do the show naked. He was promptly banned.
2.
Backstage, Joseph was sifting through his rack of formalwear when he heard a group shuffle past behind him. He glanced back through his peripheral vision, and saw a circle of well-dressed sponsors, chatting loudly and hovering hawkishly by the female changing section. He subtly observed them while Suzie dug around in her makeup bag by the wardrobe. The group remained obstinately in the middle of the models’ paths, trailing predatory stares at any girl who made the effort to squeeze past them. Joseph bumped his voice’s volume above the group’s obnoxious chatter.
“Man, the higher-ups at this place rub me the wrong way. Maybe if I do something reeeaaally disruptive, we’ll get to go home and no one will have to put up with skeevy old dudes any longer,” Joseph smoothly transitioned into a magenta evening gown and glittery stilettos before he finished his last word.
Suzie didn’t notice Joseph’s disappearance until she heard the screams.
3.
“A tower of hats is okay but a tower of shoes isn’t?!”
“Joseph, please. Just one thing for today, va bene? Okay?” Suzie clenched her palms together anxiously.
Joseph squatted on the floor, unfazed by Suzie’s plea. Atop his head were six hats, fashioned from different decades. He plopped another pair of heels onto the growing stack of shoes in front of him, each time wedging the shoes tightly into the two below them.
“They said I don’t have grace? Only someone as graceful as me can pull this off!”
The judges thought they saw a 13-foot articulated candycane shamble onto the stage before it quickly collapsed and knocked out at least 8 people in the front row. Staggered waves of airborne shoes pelted the audience with remarkable glittery flair.
Joseph somehow escaped with only a light bruise on his ankle.
And another blacklisted venue.
1.
Joseph perched on a fold-out chair, his leg bouncing steadily on the laminate floor. He moves to rest his face against his palm, but catches himself and settles it on his knee instead. His eyelashes blink languidly under the weight of mascara and irritation. Suzie cleans perfunctorily around him, humming an upbeat tune.
“I’m sure he’ll be here in just a minute! Don’t worry, Jojo.”
A few lithe figures trot briskly past Joseph. The clamour around him reaches its peak as stagehands herd the models toward the curtains. His disgruntled scowl is enough to send one approaching stagehand back to the opposite side of the stage. He jumps onto his feet to pace, and to complain more directly into Suzie’s airspace.
“What kinda jerk shows up late on the first day! You said he’s a friend of yours? Why? This guy sucks!”
“I’ve dealt with worse,” Suzie hums while inspecting an outfit for wayward lint.
Suzie endures Joseph’s tirade for several more minutes until a man dressed sharply in all-white cuts through the roaming crowds before them. Suzie’s eyes light up in recognition. She waves cheerfully as the man, arms draped in garment bags, stops in front of them. He bows and apologizes immediately, displaying a dignified reverence toward Suzie. None of that deference transferred over to Joseph as he introduced himself.
“The name is Caesar. You will wear my clothes with respect, or I will easily find a model capable of doing so. I will bring out the best in you, provided you comply with my direction.” Caesar scans Joseph’s defensive stance and hums in contemplation. “Judging by what Suzie’s told me however, it seems unlikely.”
Joseph reaches out to fire back at Caesar’s condescension, but is interrupted by a series of zippered bags and accessories flopping onto his arm. Caesar gestures to each piece as he hooks the leftover garments on a rack.
“This, this, this, then these. Go. They’re starting any minute now.”
JoJo’s eyes bulge at the affront as he supports his mountain of clothing. The audacity! The promise of a fight flashes across his eyes as he drops his stance and- Suzie gently nudges his hip. A glimpse of her hopeful smile is enough to dampen his hostility. With a huff, he swivels his gaze back at Caesar. He stares defiantly at him as he drops the pile on the floor. Jojo faces Caesar during the entirety of his belligerent changing. Caesar shoots a derisive glare, before redirecting his attention to Suzie in pleasant conversation.
Joseph scrutinizes each piece as he puts them on. What’s this guy’s deal? Red Spiderweb jacket? Not gonna lie kinda like that one bc Peter Parker but… Pants with cheez-its all over the legs? Flowers and butterflies? What?
Midway through changing, Joseph stands awkwardly with the jeans bunched above his knees. Caesar notices the pause and flatly asks what’s wrong.
“They’re too tight.”
“You must have given me the wrong measurements.”
“You must just suck at your job.” Joseph gestured at the pants while maintaining vindictive eye contact.
“Coming from a model who can’t operate a pair of pants.”
“It’s not my fault that-“
In one graceful movement, Caesar steps forward, loops his thumbs around the back of the pants, and yanks the waist band barely past Joseph’s hips. His hands linger just long enough to glance up at Joseph with the most unimpressed eyes known to catkind, owlkind, and some cartoon chameleons.
Joseph wheezed. The model snapped out of shock and right into terror when Caesar produced a pair of scissors from his jacket pocket. Joseph’s eyes bulged when Caesar dropped into a squat.
“Woah! What are you doing with those!”
“Fidget and get castrated. I don’t care.”
Joseph stilled. Caesar swiftly went to work on the pants, strategically tearing the back and inner thighs. Joseph felt a mild relief from his vacuum seal of fabric, replaced with the odd sensation of fabric digging rings into his legs.
Caesar slid back into his full height. After a quick appraisal, he grabbed Jojo’s shoulders and shoved him toward the curtains. Jojo stumbled before joining the model queue, glowering at Caesar behind him. Caesar deliberately affected a nonchalant gaze in response.
When Joseph’s debut on the stage did not immediately herald an onslaught of destruction, Suzie sighed with relief. She laughed airily and beamed at Caesar.
“You two are good together!”