Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

As Harry stared outside the window of the car he was riding in, he couldn’t help but feel that tonight was a horrible night for a party. It was pouring rain and it was a Thursday night. There was honestly no way that there would be a big turn out-- and even if there was, nobody would want to be outside in the rain, and the living room was simply too small to hold any amount of people. Truth be told, Harry didn’t even want to go to this party. It was some big fancy banquet. Harry’s stepdad, Robin, owned his own successful law firm, and this was a party for all the employees-- to celebrate them or something. At least that was how Anne, Harry’s mum, had put it. Those in attendance would be Robin’s employees, their spouses, and whatever poor children that were no doubt dragged there in chains.

Harry had begged his mum to let him stay in his room for the party, but her only response was, “It is important to Robin that you’re there. Plus, it will only be other families like ours. You don’t need to worry about anyone who isn’t like us.”

That was Anne’s nice way of saying that only rich people would be attending this event, rich lawyers and attorneys. Great. It wasn’t necessarily that Harry’s family was snobby, but they definitely knew what their status was. Harry’s mum and stepdad often took luxurious vacations, attended symphonies, and only ate at the fanciest of restaurants in town. Harry tried not to let it show, but this annoyed him. Just because they had money didn’t mean they had to be so posh all the time. Harry enjoyed the simpler things in life. Where his parents were never seen in anything but their most formal attire, it wasn’t rare to see Harry in sweatpants or jeans. He knew it bothered Anne and Robin, but since they had never said anything, he figured he might as well keep doing it.

Tonight, though. Tonight he was forced into wearing the fanciest articles of clothing he owned. He had to look good so that everyone knew Robin was raising a respectable young man. Anne and Robin had been at the house for ages, setting up and getting ready for the party. He wondered if they would try to make it work outside, or if they would just move it into the house. His mum had made such a big deal about how she did not want that many people in her home. He was positive that she was probably pitching some sort of fit right about now. He did hope the skies cleared up within the next hour so they could hold the event outside.

Finally, the car pulled up to the house. The driver rolled down his window to announce in the speaker that he needed the gate opened. He licked his lips before saying in what sounded to Harry like a fake accent, “I’m here with Master Harold.”

Harry rolled his eyes at his use of the full name. Because Robin had inherited an insane amount of money when his grandfather passed away, he had everything-- butlers, chauffeurs, even a nanny when Harry was a boy. Harry’s mum had married him when he was seven years old, and because of this, he wasn’t used to such formalities. Of course, in the ten years that they had been married, he had gotten as used to it as he figured he ever would. It was still somewhat odd, though, and he was always caught off guard by the way everyone seemed to walk on eggshells around him.

Harry could handle it when he was a child. They lived in England still, and everyone acted that way to a certain degree. After a “wise business choice” though, Harry had been ripped away from his friends and home and they moved to the United States. They had lived here for about two and a half years. Harry had hated it at first, but he had started to settle into his new way of life now. Everyone was always complimenting him on his accent, which he had to admit was nice. Things were just different in the United States, especially in this city. Harry was used to Holmes Chapel, where you were usually well known within the community, and there wasn’t a lot of hustle and bustle. Here, though, you could meet 50 new people every single day and never run out of people to meet for the rest of your life. The night life was exciting, and it was just so busy. It was a lot to handle at times.

Harry had found it difficult to make new friends here for a number of reasons. Firstly, once they found out he was rich, nobody really wanted anything to do with him. Next, everyone already had their friend groups, and it was difficult to try to join in with people when he didn’t know anyone. And lastly, Harry simply didn’t have much in common with his peers here. They had different interests, different hobbies, and different ways of viewing the world. There were some people that Harry would say hi to in the halls and sit by in class, but he never really hung out with anyone. During the lunch hour, Harry could usually be found either in his English teacher’s classroom or sitting by himself in the commons area. He knew it looked sad, but he really didn’t mind it. He liked being by himself, and most of the time he was working on something while he ate.

His mum was constantly nagging that he should find some friends, but Harry couldn’t be bothered. He was a homebody. Americans were so obsessed with spending their weekends at a football game. First of all, Harry argued that Americans should stop calling the game that. It was just absurd that they called football by the name of soccer, and used the term for some entirely different sport. He didn’t understand why. Besides his annoyance of the title, Harry simply didn’t care for the sport. It didn’t excite him, and he frankly didn’t really understand what was happening half the time. And really, that was all that his classmates were interesting in filling their Friday nights with. Maybe if he could find someone who go to a play with him or something, he would be a little bit more social. Nobody ever wanted to go to a play, though, and he didn’t dare go by himself. So what? He didn’t really have any friends. Big deal, he was content with the way things were.

This was why he simply rolled his eyes when he walked into his living room and the first thing his mum asked was, “Harry, did you invite any of your schoolmates to that presentation next month? The author wants us to get as many people there as possible.”

He shook his head, sitting down on the couch, “No, none of them would want to go even if I offered. It’s fine, I’ll just sit by myself. I really don’t mind.”

She hesitated before nodding. He knew she was disappointed, but what else could he do? He didn’t want to invite some kids he barely knew to some presentation by an author who was only interested in selling more books. It didn’t sound appealing to him, and he was used to attending boring events like that. After a few minutes, she touched him on the shoulder and said, “Hurry and go get ready. People are going to start getting here soon and you need to look your best.”

Wanting to please her, Harry quickly jumped up and made his way towards his bedroom. He opened his closet and walked inside. He was glad that the maid had done all his laundry so that he had more options. Well, tomorrow at least he’d have options. He had to wear his tuxedo tonight. He hated wearing his tux. It was uncomfortable, hot, and just didn’t seem to fit quite right. Harry had never mentioned this to his mum or Robin. They would have insisted that he see a tailor immediately, and he just wouldn’t be comfortable with that. One evening in a tux certainly wouldn’t be the end of the world.

After getting dressed, he went back downstairs to help with any last minute tasks his mum might be wanting him to do. He glanced out the window, noticing it was still raining. His mum was certainly not going to be happy. She was frantically bringing chairs into the sitting room from other rooms. He figured that he might as well help her with them. He thought it would be a nice gesture, but as soon as he grabbed a chair, she screeched at him to go in the kitchen instead and get the food ready. Fearing what she might do if he didn’t do it right away, he nearly ran to the kitchen, where Randall, the butler, was putting together a vegetable tray.

Harry smiled at him, “What can I do to help?”

Randall looked at Harry as if he were some sort of angel who had come to him in the most dire of circumstances, “If you could just fill up all those pitches, that would be great.”

Harry nodded and got right to work. There were about fifteen pitchers that he needed to fill with water. Once he got that finished, Randall got him started on another job, and then another, and then another. Eventually, it was almost time for the party to start, and several people had already arrived. He could hear the sound of a piano being played in the other room, and he noted that it was still raining outside. Finally, he was able to escape the torture of Randall’s tasks when his mum told him that people has started arriving and he should come out and actually join the party.

For the most part of the first forty five minutes of the party, Harry sat by himself at a table. His mum and Robin had been sitting with him at one point, but they wanted to get up and socialize as soon as they were done eating. He didn’t blame them, but it was still annoying. Harry knew that if he got out his phone or snuck up to his bedroom, it would only be a matter of time before one of them found him and began a lecture about how he needed to be more involved in what was happening. Because of this, he just sat there and played with a loose thread on one of the tablecloths. He had been people watching for a few minutes, but truth be told, it wasn’t very exciting to watch rich people eat their fancy food and talk about boring things.

When he was just about to give up hope, Anne appeared, “Harry! Darling, there is a lovely family here that I want to introduce you to. They have a son who’s close to your age!” Truth be told, Harry didn’t feel like being introduced to anyone right now, but he figured he’d humor his mother. She guided him to a table and way too excitedly said, “This is my son, Harry.”

Harry smiled politely, observing the family. They looked nice enough, but he figured he probably didn’t have anything in common with their teenage son. They began to greet him, but he really wasn’t paying attention. His mind was elsewhere-- he was trying to remember whether or not he had locked his bedroom door. He truly hoped that he had. There were some children here, and even though they were pretty well behaved, he didn’t want them to get into any of his stuff if they were to wander up there. Anne quickly seemed to sense that Harry wasn’t quite there, and she suggested, “Harry, why don’t you show Louis the theater downstairs. He might be interested in that.”

Harry smiled in agreeance, but his head was filled with confusion. Who was Louis? He certainly wished he wouldn’t have been zoning out during those introductions. Luckily enough, the boy who Harry guessed was Louis stood up. “Sure,” Harry said, beckoning for Louis to come with him.

When the two had escaped the room and all the loud music, Harry kept walking and asked, “So, are you enjoying yourself?” The boy simply laughed and then shrugged. Harry smirked, “Don’t worry, I won’t tattle on you for saying you aren’t having a good time. Trust me, I hate these events.”

This seemed to calm Louis down, and he uttered, “Yeah, I’m not crazy about it.” He had an accent! Harry was taken aback. He hadn’t met someone else from England for ages, but here was this English family. He didn’t know why he hadn’t picked up on the accent before; maybe because it was so loud where everyone was.

Harry, not wanting to seem weird, just laughed, “I’m sorry you got dragged here. I truly wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy.”

Upon reaching the stairs, Harry gestured for Louis to go first. Louis smiled and quickly hurried in front of Harry. Halfway down the stairs, he added, “All of my enemies would probably enjoy this sort of thing.”

Harry laughed out loud at that. He understood exactly what Louis meant. Well, he thought he did. He didn’t know what Louis’ background was. He could have had someone very specific in mind. Harry didn’t have anyone specific in mind, he just hated rich people. Either way, he was glad he and Louis could agree on this. Harry led him back to the theater. He wasn’t sure why his mum would have him show this off, but he figured it was kind of cool. They had an entire theater down here and they would watch movies here all the time. It was super cool.

Harry smiled as Louis observed the room, “So this is the theater, yeah. Not sure why Mum wanted me to show it to you, but here we are.”

Louis’ face revealed a small smile, “I’m studying film. That’s why.”

“Oh!” Harry exclaimed. That made a lot of sense. “Okay, yeah, I get it then.”

Louis nodded but didn’t say anything. He was shy, and Harry could tell that. He wanted to break the ice, but he wasn’t quite sure what to say in order to do so. He watched as Louis stared at their bookshelf of movies. There were a lot there. Harry simply sat down on the couch as Louis continued looking at them. He gently ran his fingers along them, tilting his head slightly in order to get a better look. A piece of his hair fell in front of his eyes, and his hand quickly darted up to fix it without any hesitation. Harry didn’t know if it was creepy that he was watching Louis so intently, but he didn’t know what else to do with himself. Either way, Louis didn’t seem to be bothered, or even notice that he was being watched. So really it was fine.

“Oh, this is a great one!” Louis exclaimed, turning his head towards Harry.

Harry smiled, standing up, “What is it?”

Louis pulled it off the shelf and brought it to him. He touched the case so delicately, as if it could break at any second if he were to squeeze too hard or tighten his grip at all. Harry took it from his hands and turned it over to reveal what movie it was. It was Casablanca. Harry smiled at that. When Harry had first moved to the United States, he had filled all his time watching movie after movie. He had made a google search of the greatest movies of all time, and proceeded to watch the top 10 all in one weekend. Casablanca was one of those movies, and he immediately fell in love with the film. He had begged his Mum and Robin to buy it for him, and they had generously agreed. He watched it like three times a week for an entire month. He loved that film. Now he didn’t watch it as often, but it remained his all-time favorite.

Getting lost in his own thoughts, Harry cleared his throat and looked to Louis, “You’ve seen this one?”

Louis nodded furiously, “Of course I have! Any person who’s studying film has. It’s arguably the best Hollywood film of all time.”

Harry shouldn’t have been surprised by this. Of course Louis had seen it-- he had probably seen every famous movie in the world. But he was surprised. Most people he talked to had never even heard of this movie. And even if they had, they had certainly never seen it. Even when he became obsessed with it, his mum admitted that she had never seen it before. Robin had, years ago, but he really didn’t remember anything about it. This was why Harry was so excited to finally meet someone who understood the greatness of it. It really wasn’t that big of a deal, but it was nice to have something in common with someone every once in a while.

Harry was about to tell Louis that he should come over to watch it sometime when he heard his name being called. He looked over to the doorway, where his mum was standing. She beamed at him, “Harry, darling. Come upstairs, we’re going to have dessert. You too, Louis, come on now.”

Harry didn’t bother putting the movie away, deciding instead to leave it sitting on the couch. He and Louis followed Anne upstairs to where everyone was. The sound of the music playing got louder and louder as they got closer, and Harry rolled his eyes at it. He muttered a soft, “Nice to meet you!” to Louis before disappearing to their separate tables.

The rest of the party was insanely boring. They had dessert, they made toasts, Robin gave out bonuses, they awarded prizes for best employees, and they exchanged funny stories about life in the office. Harry sat at the table with his mum, poking his cheesecake with a fork. He didn’t like cheesecake, so he didn’t know why that was the dessert he had decided to choose. It was better than creme brulee, maybe that’s why he chose it. After his mum told him to stop playing with his food and have some manners, he asked if he could be excused from the party. After a few minutes of trying to persuade her, she reluctantly agreed. He moved his napkin from his lap to the top of the table, and went to the kitchen to get a dessert he would actually like. Several servers were in there.

As soon as Harry entered the room, they all stood up straight and smiled at him. He heard several people mutter, “Hello Master Harold.” Harry waved them off, and they went back to conversing with one another. He opened the freezer and pulled out a tub of cookies and cream ice cream. This was the dessert he really wanted. He started to open it, when a waiter stopped him, saying, “Harold, your mother asked me specifically to not allow you to eat any ice cream tonight.”

Harry grunted and handed the tub to the waiter. His mum was always controlling everything he ate, wanting him to stay healthy or something. He didn’t really care. Leaving the kitchen, Harry went up to his bedroom. He discovered that he hadn’t locked it, but luckily nothing looked like it had been touched or anything. He sat down on his bed, sinking slightly into the mattress. The soft pitter patter of the rain could still be heard on the roof of the house, and Harry wondered if it was ever going to stop raining. Probably not. He could still hear the sound of the party from downstairs and he wanted to escape it. The more he thought about it, the louder it got, the more frustrated he felt until he felt like he was going to burst at any second.

Standing up from the bed with his hands over his ears, Harry snuck his way back downstairs. He weaved his way around all the servants without any of them noticing what he was doing or where he was going. He knew that neither Robin or his mum would be happy if they knew he was going outside to the rain while wearing his tux, but at this moment, he didn’t care. He opened the back door as quietly and slowly as he possibly could, and then slipped out and hurried to close it. There was a cover over the first few feet of the patio, so he didn’t get wet at first. He walked to the edge of where the cover was blocking the rain. He could feel the mist of the rain against his face, and he felt freedom. He slowly reached his hand out, letting the raindrops fall on it.

There was something about this rain that gave him a sense of hope. He wasn’t sure why. Rain was free to fall whenever it pleased. It couldn’t be stopped by anything, there were no limits. So many people hated the rain, but Harry knew it was necessary for life. Rain brought life to everything on the earth. The sound of it calmed him, and he found it so beautiful. If he had the choice, he would live in an area that if rained frequently. A place, where he wasn’t the only one who appreciated it. A place where if someone felt a raindrop fall, they would cry out in joy and thankfulness rather than groan out of annoyance.

These thoughts filled Harry’s head as he moved to take a step into the rain. Just as he was picking up his foot, he heard the door open. Assuming it was his mum, he jumped back, his eyes widening. Uh oh-- now he had gotten caught, and she wasn’t going to be happy. He slowly turned around to see that it was only Louis.

“Oh I’m sorry I didn’t realize anyone was out here,” He turned to leave, “I’ll just-”

Harry took a step towards him, “Wait, no. You can stay out here. It’s okay, I’m just getting some air.”

Louis lips curved into a small smile. He took a few steps toward Harry, “Me too.”

Harry motioned towards a couple of chairs that were in the dry part of the patio, and they sat down. Louis’ tie was crooked and loose, and if he had been wanting to take it off but knew that he shouldn’t. Harry shook his head to let his hair fall about, and then he pushed it back with his hand. He smiled at Louis, “So where do you attend school?”

Louis answered, “Palm Valley High.”

“No way! That’s where I’m at too,” Harry exclaimed.

Nodding, Louis said, “Yeah I think I’ve seen you around before. You’re a junior, right?” Harry nodded and Louis continued, “That’s what I thought. I’m a senior.”

From there, Harry and Louis took off with conversation. Louis was really nice and cool, and he opened up a lot more once he was comfortable. Harry didn’t know how long they sat out there talking, probably like an hour. Eventually Anne found them outside and informed Louis that his family was getting ready to leave. That’s where they had to part ways. They said goodbye to each other, and that was that. Before Harry knew it, everyone had left and he was helping clean up. That wasn’t the most exciting party he had attended, but he had to admit that it certainly wasn’t the worst either.

-----

The weekend went by far too quickly, and Harry woke up Monday morning wanting to die rather than go to school. He got out of bed anyway and got ready mumbling and grumbling. He didn’t bother to eat breakfast today; he never did. As per usual, his mum put a million snacks in his backpack in case he got hungry. He thanked her, kissed her on the cheek, and ran out to the towncar that was waiting for him outside. The ride was longer than usual today because of traffic, but it wasn’t too bad.

Upon arriving at the school, Harry didn’t bother standing in the hallway and chatting with anyone like everyone always did. Instead, he hurried straight to his first class, which was English. This was his favorite class. He loved reading, and he had become quite close with the teacher, Mr. Ramirez. He was always the first one to class, so when walked in and the only person there was Mr. Ramirez, he wasn’t shocked by any means. He muttered a quick “Good morning!” to the teacher before sitting down at his desk and pulling his notebook from his backpack. Over the weekend, they had been asked to read a short story by a Russian author named Tolstoy. It was called the death of Ivan something. He couldn’t quite remember the name of it. It was real downer of a story, though, and he had hated reading it.

“How was your weekend, Harry?” Mr. Ramirez asked.

“Not long enough!” Harry smiled, “What about you?”

“I agree with you, there. My wife and I were doing a bit of decluttering and we just didn’t have enough time to get it all done,” He replied. He held a pen up to his mouth, lightly chewing on it.

Mr. Ramirez was the best teacher that Harry had ever had. He taught English for every high school grade. Harry had first gotten to know him when he started as a freshman. He had barely moved to the U.S. at that point, so he was still so unsure about everything. He had made an instant connection with Mr. Ramirez, so he had been able to talk the counselors into letting him take English from him for every semester of every year after that. Mr. Ramirez was one of those people that, when he was speaking to you, could make you feel like the only person in the entire world. He really cared about his students on a personal level. Harry appreciated him a lot, and had nominated him for the best teacher award for two years in a row. He probably would this year as well.

Harry and Mr. Ramirez continued chatting for a few minutes until more and more students began filling the room. The bell rang and they jumped right into class. The rest of his day was pretty boring. He ate lunch in the library, working on a presentation for his speech class. Once school was over, he hurried outside to wait for the towncar to take him home. He watched as students continued filing out of the building to get to their cars and go home. He saw Louis walk out with another kid that he didn’t know. He would have said hi, but Louis was so far away and he hadn’t seen him anyway. Once Harry got home, he disappeared to his bedroom and turned on Netflix. He watched some documentary and didn’t come out until it was time for dinner.

The whole week was pretty similar to this-- insanely anticlimactic, boring, dull. Harry was over it. He needed some excitement in his life. He saw Louis in the halls and around at the school, and they always said hello to one another, which was nice. When Harry told Mr. Ramirez about the whole thing, he was thrilled to see that Harry might finally be making a friend. Mr. Ramirez had taught Louis in class a couple times and he assured Harry that Louis was a genuinely nice boy. On Friday, Harry saw Louis right at the beginning of the lunch period. When Harry told Louis he was going to go to his English classroom to eat, Louis insisted that he come and eat with his friends. Harry agreed.

Harry learned that Louis and his friends ate in the auditorium everyday. They were all drama students, so they had special privileges. They sat down, and just talked. Harry was introduced to Louis’ friends. There was Liam, who was a senior. He seemed quiet, but really nice. Then there was Niall, who was a junior. Harry knew him from some classes they had taken together. Niall was really cool and easy to like. Next was Lottie, Louis’ sister. She was only a sophomore, but Louis, of course, let her hang out with him and his friends. Lastly was Emily-- Niall’s girlfriend. Harry knew her too, but not very well. He had never spoken to her before.

Harry was nervous at first, when he sat down, that Louis’ friends wouldn’t like him or that he wouldn’t be included in their conversation. He soon figured out that they were extremely accepting. They were so friendly and immediately included him in all their conversations. Whenever they would make some sort of inside joke that Harry didn’t understand, someone would always pull Harry aside and explain it to him. He felt very part of things here. The weirdest part was that the only person in the circle who was actually American was Emily. Niall was Irish, and the rest of them were English.

Harry asked, “So did you all become friends because of the fact that you’re originally from the United Kingdom?”

Niall shook his head, “Not at all, actually! I think we have more in common because of that, you know? So that helps. But no, we definitely didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Louis and I have been friends since grade 6,” Liam smiled, “And when we were sophomores, Niall somehow came into the mix. He started dating Emily last year, so we let her in. And then Lottie got sick of her friends about a month ago, so she’s with us too!”

Harry grinned, “Cool.”

Louis, who had been sitting quietly for the majority of the conversation, now added, “And now we’ve got Harry.” Everyone nodded and agreed. Louis said, “You’re welcome to start eating lunch with us now, if you want.”

Harry grinned, “That would be great.”

And that was how it all started.

Chapter Text

It sounded ridiculous. It really did. Harry’s attention and focus faded in and out as his professor threw his arms around, screaming about how a zombie apocalypse was entirely possible. Talks of this had been a hot topic the last few weeks. People were claiming that a zombie apocalypse was about to happen. It really didn’t make any sense-- it was so illogical. Harry figured it was most likely some silly trend going around. Like how in 2016, everyone was dressing up as clowns with knives to scare people. Yeah, it was probably something similar to that. People were getting really into, though. Survival videos were circulating Youtube, and people were buying weapons like crazy. Fences were being built around houses, people were stocking up on food. It was crazy. Harry could not believe it had gotten this far.

Dr. Miller, Harry’s biology professor, was extremely into it. Every class period, he had something new to say about the subject. Today, he was showing just how the virus could creep into the brain of a human, and completely change the way they acted. Most of the other students seemed pretty engaged by this subject, but Harry leaned back in his chair and took in a deep sigh. He looked over at the clock on the wall, and watched it tick for a few moments. His head felt like a brick as he fought his own sleepy eyes. He leaned forward and grabbed his pencil, beginning to doodle in the margins of his notebook. At this point, he was completely tuning out everything his professor was saying.

His mind was pulled back to class as soon as Dr. Miller muttered the name, “Louis.” Harry’s head snapped towards the front of the room. He always paid attention to that name. To Harry’s disappointment, though, it wasn’t his Louis. Dr. Miller continued, “So this scientist, Louis Walker, monitored his wife’s brain as she went through the transition to see exactly what was happening to her brain.”

Harry soon went back to not paying attention, and he remained that way for the rest of class. Zombie apocalypse, he thought, how ridiculous. There were so many other important things to think about and focus your attention to. Harry didn’t even want to be in this class, he was only taking it because it was a general requirement. The only thing he really cared about was English, writing specifically. Harry wanted to be a famous author someday, that was his goal. But for now he was trapped in this Biology lecture learning about zombies.

As soon as his professor ended the lecture, Harry grabbed all his things and darted out the door. He dragged his feet along the pavement all the way until he reached his car. On the drive to the coffee shop he and his friends always hung out at, he sang his heart out to the song playing on the radio. Once arriving at the coffee shop, Harry quickly spotted all his friends at their usual table. They were laughing, which made Harry smile. He walked over to them and sat down next to Sam.

Sam turned to him, planted a small kiss on his lips, and then smiled, “Hey baby, how was your day?”

“It was pretty good,” he smiled, “Dr. Miller was on about zombies again.”

“He’s always talking about them!” Nick exclaimed.

Nick was one of Harry’s best friends and his roommate. They were both taking Biology from Dr. Miller this semester, just different class sessions. Harry laughed, nodding. There were two other members of Harry’s friend group: Justin and Lucy, who was Justin’s girlfriend. They all got on pretty well, just had each others backs and had fun with one another. Harry was glad that he had them because they made college much easier.

“Hey,” Justin sat up straight, “Zombies are real, I’m telling you.”

Lucy rolled her eyes, “Sure.”

“Just watch. In a couple years I’ll be set with everything I’ve done to prepare, and you idiots will be wishing that you’d have listened to me,” he claimed.

They all laughed at that. The conversation continued in this manner, and Harry just felt at home. When he had first arrived at college, he had been so afraid of not making friends and of never feeling like he belonged. He had moved to Washington without any friends or family by his side-- all alone. Three years later, though, and here he was. Not only had he found friends like Nick and Justin, but he and Sam had been together for almost a year now. He was in love. He was happy.

Harry had so many fond memories of his life back in California, but those memories were distant now. After Louis’ family moved to New York, he and Harry had stayed in touch for a while. Louis even came back to visit once. After a while, though, they just started drifting apart. Even though Harry was sad about it, it was a natural thing. Louis changed his phone number after a couple years, and Harry didn’t know how to get in contact with him, so he never heard from him again. Liam had moved back to England right after his graduation, and Harry never really kept in great contact with him. As for Niall-- he was the only one that Harry still really kept in contact with. He was still living in California, going to school down there, but he and Harry talked on the phone a lot.

That night, as Harry and Sam sat watching a movie, Harry’s mind kept wandering to his old friends. They had always been watching movies together and having a good time. Even though he was loving the new life he had formed, he was so reminiscent and nostalgic of those days. As Sam cuddled in closer to Harry and gently kissed his neck, Harry was almost entirely unresponsive.

“Harry,” Sam asked, sitting up, “Everything okay?”

“Huh?” The question took a second to process in Harry’s head, and then he answered. “Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I’m alright. Just have a lot on my mind I guess.”

“I know how to fix that,” Sam grinned, leaning in once more. Harry tried to get into the kiss, but he just wasn’t feeling it.

He pushed Sam away, “I’m sorry, baby. I’m just not all the way here tonight. Can we just watch the movie?”

Sam’s expression changed to one of sympathy as he nodded, “Of course.”

“Thanks.”

A few minutes later, he turned back to Harry, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Harry shrugged, “Dunno. Just thinking about my old friends. I miss them.”

“I know you do, baby,” Sam cuddled up next to Harry, “They were a really important part of your life. It’s natural to miss them.”

Harry only nodded. Sam continued, “I miss my friends from back home in Michigan, too. They were all just idiots, and we partied nonstop. Man, those guys were a good time. But I’ve moved on and have better friends here now, who support me more. I promise you it’ll get better.”

Harry had no response to that. Because Sam didn’t understand. His friends from California were more than people he would hang out with, party with, kill time with. They were his life, especially Louis. It wasn’t easy to just forget them. They were irreplaceable. Even though his new friends here were amazing, they weren’t the same. When Harry had a big problem, he didn’t talk to them about it. He called Niall.

“You’re just having a weird day. You’re missing your old friends. But tomorrow, you’ll wake up and everything will be back to normal. You’ll want to go out to lunch with Justin and Lucy as usual,” Sam continued.

“Thanks,” Harry cut him off with a kiss. He wasn’t really feeling it, but he knew it was the only way to shut Sam up.

--

It turns out that Sam had been pretty much right about Harry’s weird day. When he woke up the next morning, his old friends were the last thing on his mind. As he ran out the door, running late, he barely noticed the pouring rain. He jumped in his car, driving to campus, which was about a 10 minute drive away. He had to stop at a crosswalk for a man to walk across the street. The man gave him a quick wave of thanks as he darted across the street. Harry thought he looked familiar, but before he had a chance to take a better look, the man’s face was covered by his umbrella. Harry didn’t care too much, he was going to be late for class if he didn’t hurry.

When he finally got to the parking lot, he was greeted by a completely full lot. He punched his steering wheel as he drove around, trying to find a spot. This was just what he needed. He pulled out of this lot and drove to the one across campus. He looked at the clock; class would be starting in 3 minutes. When he got to the other lot, there were no available spots in it either. He yelled out a stream of curse words as he decided just to park in a spot that was reserved.

He got out of the car and began walking towards his class, which was all the way across campus. He was now extremely aware of the rain. Each drop that fell onto him a reminder of his unpreparedness. He wished he had an umbrella. He cursed himself for choosing to attend college in such a rainy place. He remembered the days when he used to love rain. Not anymore.

When Harry finally reached the building his class was located in, he was sopping wet, and his clothes were dripping. He wanted to cry as he went into the class, which he was now almost 20 minutes late to. Everyone looked up at him as he opened the door.

His professor, Dr. Darland, exclaimed, “Harry! How nice of you to join us.” She then opened her laptop to mark him as present.

“Sorry,” he muttered softly, sitting down in the first seat he saw in the back of the class.

“So, as I was saying,” began the professor, “the genre of realism can be categorized by a few different things: plainness of characters, plots consisting of incidents of everyday life, everyday language, the ability to make the reader feel as if he were looking in on events happening in real life, and of course, the illusion of reality.” She wrote these terms on the white board as she spoke them aloud and Harry hurried to get his notebook out to write it all down. “So, does anyone know of any works of realism that we can use as an example?”

A few answers were blurted out, including Ibsen’s “A Doll House” and Chekhov’s “The Cherry Orchard.” As they were discussed in terms of their realness, Harry took notes. Dr. Darland then asked if anyone had any other stories they wanted to talk about. Harry found himself raising his hand, and then he said, “The Death of Ivan Ilych.”

“Yes!” she wrote it on the board, “That’s a great one. Who all has read that one?”

Harry thought back to his junior year of high school. Mr. Ramirez had assigned the students to read that story. Harry had hated it, thought it was sad. He had discussed it with Louis, who had, of course, loved it.

“You don’t understand, Harry,” Louis had exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air, “it’s one of the best stories of all time. Not only is it just exquisite writing, but the theme of it all is great too.”

“What’s the theme then?” Harry rolled his eyes.

Louis rolled up his sleeves, “This guy has seriously been living a lie his entire life, just doing what he should do. Essentially, he’s the poor little rich boy. It’s not until he’s dying that he realizes his entire life has been a waste, and he hasn’t done anything that’s led him to true happiness. He’s been so focused on being rich and upholding his social class that he forgot to live.”

“Okay?”

“You of all people should relate to this, Harry!” Louis sighed, “You hate being rich. You hate the stereotypes and the social norms you’re held to. That’s why I love this story. It shows me I don’t have to sit around and do what society tells me to. I should go out and be me, find true happiness. Harry, promise me you won’t do things just because they’re expected of you.”

Harry’s mind had been opened that day. He realized that Louis was in the exact same boat as he was. Stuck in this rich family, hating every second of it. Louis just wanted a normal life, a life of his choosing. He wanted to be like everyone else.

As Harry reflected upon that conversation with Louis, he was pulled back to class as Dr. Darland asked, “Harry, what’s the most realistic thing about that story in your opinion?”

He thought about it for a second before answering, “I think the most realistic part of this story is Ivan not wanting to be around his family, and spending most of his time with the servant?”

“Why?”

“Because when you have an epitome like that, you don’t want to be around the people who’ve held you back and are the result of the pointless life you’ve been living. His family represents the life he threw away. The servant represents his new perspective on life, and now that he understands it, he wants to spend all the time he can with it.”

The class went on as it normally does, and Harry felt good about it. He loved his literature classes. After every class period, he was reminded of just how much he loved English. He was so excited to pursue a career in it.

Harry had about an hour to kill before his next class started, so he went to the Student Union Building. He always hung out there. The doorway into the building was stupid, though. It was an automatic door, but it was only big enough for one person to go through at a time. So if one person was trying to leave while another was trying to enter, one would have to wait for the other and it was just super annoying. So as Harry was walking into the building, he wasn’t paying much attention. He was still wet from earlier and just wanted to get inside. He was surprised when he walked right into someone.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” the other person gushed.

At the exact same time, Harry said, “Oops, sorry!”

He didn’t even look up as the person said, “Go ahead.”

He walked into the building, not looking at the person he had walked into, embarrassed. It wasn’t until he had taken a few steps that he realized that voice sounded familiar. He turned around to get a look, but the man was already out the door, and there were dozens of people going in every direction outside. Harry only shook his head, turning back around and walking to a booth.

When he sat down, he pulled out his laptop and headphones, and turned on Netflix. He was only a few minutes into the episode when someone else sat down at the booth across from him. He looked up to see Lucy and Justin. He grinned.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” He asked, closing his laptop.

Lucy smiled, “You looked lonely.”

“And wet,” Justin added.

Harry shook his head, “You will not believe the morning I’ve had so far.” He then went on to explain everything in excruciating detail. He tended to do that.

“You know,” Justin laughed, “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who takes as long to tell a story as you do.”

Harry laughed as Lucy elbowed Justin’s side, “I like your stories. I like listening to you talk in that fancy accent.”

Justin rolled his eyes, “She’d want to sleep with you if you weren’t gay, seriously. Just because of the fact that you’re British.”

“And if you weren’t dating our best friend,” she added with a giggle.

“What about the fact that you’ve got a boyfriend?” Harry asked.

“Eh,” she shrugged.

All three of them laughed at that. They continued talking for a little while about their classes. After a little while, Lucy lifted her hand up to rest her chin on it. It didn’t take Harry long to notice the diamond ring on her finger.

“Lucy!” he exclaimed, grabbing her arm and pulling it towards himself. Sure enough, it was an engagement ring. “When did this happen?”

“This morning!” she squealed.

Harry didn’t move his glance from the ring as he commanded, “Tell me everything.” She told the entire story, with bits being inserted from Justin. Harry was so excited that he couldn’t contain it. He would have made them tell him much more if he didn’t have to go to class. He stood up and said, “I’ll see you guys at lunch. We’ll continue this conversation then.”

For the entirety of Harry’s next class, his mind was all over the place. He was so excited for his friends to get married. They were just perfect for each other. Harry wondered if he would ever get married. He never thought he would. Actually, that’s not true. There was a period of time that he thought he might marry Louis. It was stupid, though, because they had never even dated. Harry had been so desperately in love with Louis, and Louis didn’t even tell Harry that he liked him too until the day before he moved. Even though he knew it was ridiculous, Harry always imagined that they would somehow be reunited, fall in love, and then get married. Obviously, that would never really happen. But boy, did Harry like to imagine it.

Now he wondered if Sam was going to be the person that he married. Probably not. I mean, he loved Sam and they were having a really great time right now, but they were just different. They wanted different things, imagined different futures. It probably wasn’t going to last. Harry didn’t let that bother him, though. He was enjoying the relationship for what it was right now, and that was good enough for him. He would deal with the aftermath of the relationship when it came. And he knew that someday he would find the perfect match for himself and he would be happy for the rest of his life. He knew it.

His class was grammar, and it was boring. He thoughtlessly took notes, doodling and spacing out, until the class was over. Then he grabbed his things and walked all the way back across campus to his car, which had a ticket from parking in a reserved spot.

“Are you kidding me?” he groaned, pulling it from his windshield. He got into the car and punched the steering wheel. This had already been such a bad day.

He drove to the cafe and once he got out of his car, he slammed the door shut as hard as he could. He walked in and sat down at an empty table. It looked like he was the first one here. Pretty soon, Nick got there. He sat down next to Harry.

“How’s it going, Harry?”

“It’s just been the worst day,” Harry frowned.

“Aw, I’m sorry. Why’s that?”

Harry told him, and he got more and more upset just talking about it. Justin got there next and rolled his eyes as he realized that the story Harry was telling Nick was the same story he had already heard not that long ago. Sam and Lucy got to the cafe at the same time, and Lucy was excitedly chatting his ear off. She had obviously told him the big news. Lucy and Harry were both still telling their own stories and she and Sam sat down.

“And then I got a ticket for parking there even though it was literally the only spot available in the entire lot,” Harry ranted.

“Justin said he doesn’t care about what kind of flowers we have, so I’m thinking daisies. Don’t you think daisies would just be perfect?” Lucy gushed.

Eventually, both of their stories fizzled down, and everybody was on the same page. Sam leaned over to give Harry a quick kiss, to which he returned. The waitress came over to take their order, and then it was back to chatting.

“Tomorrow in Biology, you’re going to have to do this simulation thing about zombies,” Nick said to Harry.

He rolled his eyes “Seriously? Can that guy move on to a new subject, I’m over it.”

“Yeah,” Sam nodded, “I’m not even in the class and I think he needs to get over it.”

“I’m telling you,” Justin started, but Lucy punched his arm.

“Shut up!” she exclaimed, and everyone laughed, “Zombies aren’t real. You need to stop preparing.”

“Wait, baby, can we get a zombie wedding cake topper?” He asked, sitting up in his chair.

“No!”

Harry laughed as he turned to Sam, who was already looking at him. He licked his lips, “Hey, there’s this symposium tonight about different kinds of wine. Do you wanna go?”

Sam furrowed his brow, “A bunch of rich people drinking wine? Uh, hard pass.”

Harry shrunk into himself, “Okay. Just thought it might be fun.”

Sam sighed, “I’m sorry. I know you like that stuff, baby. It’s part of your roots or whatever. But it’s really not my thing.”

Harry joined in on the sighing, “I know. I just figured I might invite you. Anyway, it’s fine. I’ll just go by myself.”

They were interrupted by the waitress bringing over their food, and everybody dug right in. The rest of lunch was spent with jokes, stories, and more complaints about Dr. Miller. Justin and Lucy were disgustingly cute and all over each other, but the air was awkward between Sam and Harry. Harry thought that everyone else could feel it too, because whenever it got quiet, someone would scrabble to start a new topic so it wasn’t silent or weird.

It was a bad day.

That night, Harry put on a suit and drove to the wine symposium. He was excited to learn about new kinds of wines. He would have hated this type of thing when he was younger, and it’s true that he had tried to distance himself from that aspect of his life. But in a weird way, these kinds of events reminded him of home. He was always going to things like this in his teenage years, and it was part of him. He would never really escape it. As he sat and listened to the experts talk about wine, he was intrigued by it. These events were always fun because they would sit and tell you about it and then break you off into groups to experience it or discuss. Tonight, they had a bunch of different wines to taste.

Harry walked from table to table, trying all the different wines. He had just poured a new glass when someone tapped him on the shoulder. “Excuse me.”

He turned around, and the person asked, “I’m sorry to bug you, but. Is your name Harry?”

He couldn’t believe his eyes at what stood before him. At who stood before him. His stomach filled with butterflies as he asked, “Louis?”

Chapter Text

Six. This was the sixth time Louis had called Harry today. Six. What could he say? He was lonely and bored. He was at home, sick, and he didn’t have anything better to do than call Harry all the time. The call went to voicemail almost immediately and he got an angry text that said, “I’m in class. STOP calling!” He sighed, dialling Liam’s number. He got a similar response from Liam, and decided that if nobody was going to answer his phone call, then he shouldn’t even bother calling.

He stood up from his bed and immediately started coughing uncontrollably, so he sat back down. From downstairs, Louis could hear his mum singing along to some song on the radio. She had a great voice. Louis wished he could be down there with her. When he was little, before they had to move here, Louis’ mum used to dance with them, Louis and his siblings, in the kitchen, singing loudly to every song on the radio. They would do it for hours, and Louis would laugh his head off the entire time. He would go down there now if he weren’t so sick. It was okay. School would be ending in an hour or so, and Harry had promised that he would come by with some soup.

So he sat and waited. His mum came up to check on him a couple of times. Finally, he heard the sound of the doorbell and the butler answering it. He couldn’t even contain his excitement as he heard, “Yes, he’s upstairs in his bedroom. Go ahead.” Louis smiled as the door opened, but to his disappointment, it was just the stupid doctor. Louis’ face fell as the man walked closer to him.

As he walked over to Louis, he pulled out his stethoscope. “How are you feeling, Louis?” He asked, a fake smile plastered onto his face. Louis hated it-- the only reason he was smiling at all was because he was getting paid extra for a house call. “Your mother told me that you’re struggling with a sore throat.”

Louis nodded, “Can’t stop coughing.”

He mumbled something that Louis couldn’t understand then listened to Louis’ heartbeat. He wrote something on his clipboard, and then pulled out a popsicle stick. He got out his little torch and commanded Louis, “Will you open your mouth wide for me?”

Louis begrudgingly did as he was told. The doctor peered into his throat for a few minutes before taking out the popsicle stick and writing more onto his clipboard. He wasn’t saying anything, which made Louis uncomfortable. He wanted to know what he was writing down and what it meant. He took Louis’ temperature, and then began writing again. After a few moments of writing, he looked over at Louis, “Well, I think it’s just a common cold.”

“Okay,” Louis said, rubbing his eyes with his fists.

“But, you have a high fever of 100.2. So stay in bed as much as you can, okay? Drink as many fluids as you can and eat nutritious food.”

“Kay,” Louis nodded, waving him off.

The man smiled at Louis before leaving the room. He didn’t close the door, enraging Louis. He didn’t dare get out of bed, though, fearing that he might start coughing again. He heard him downstairs talking to his mum. Louis rolled his eyes and reached over to grab his phone. School had been out for 20 minutes now. Where was Harry? He dialed his number for the seventh time that day and held the phone up to his ear. It only took one ring before Harry’s voice echoed through, “Louis, hi.”

“Where are you?” Louis demanded, not even saying hello back.

“I had to stay behind for a little while, talk to Mr. Ramirez about something. I’ve just got your soup, okay? I’ll be there soon,” Harry’s explanation made Louis smile to himself.

“Okay, see you when you get here then?”

“Yeah.”

Then came the time to say goodbye. This was always awkward for Louis. “Okay,” he said. It was silent for a second. And then Harry laughed.

“Bye, Louis.”

The line went dead after that. Louis laid the phone back down on the table beside his bed and turned his attention to the television set in his room. He grabbed his remote and turned it on, finding his way to the downloads. He scrolled through dozens of films before finally deciding on one. Back to the Future. He loved this movie, and he knew Harry liked it too. He turned the volume up, filling his entire bedroom with the noise. The time went quickly after this, and he barely noticed when Harry entered his bedroom. He hadn’t even heard him come in. When he saw him, though, he was quick to turn down the volume of the TV and clear a space on his bed where Harry could sit.

“Hi,” He grinned, looking up at Harry.

He sat down and handed the soup over to Louis, who took it carefully and set it on the table next to his phone. “How are you feeling?” Harry asked. Louis only shrugged his shoulders, and Harry said, “They were out of saltines, so I wasn’t able to get you any. I hope that’s okay.”

Louis shook his head, “No, it’s perfect! Thank you Harold, you are a peach.”

Harry rolled his eyes at that and laid down on the bed so he was looking up at the ceiling. He started to tell Louis about his day. It had been an exhausting one. He had woken up late, and by the time he finally got in the shower, the water was already cold. He was late to class, which wasn’t that big of a deal because his first teacher of the day was Mr. Ramirez. When lunch period came, he realized he had forgotten his money at home, so he couldn’t eat anything. Niall was kind enough to give him an orange and some of the crackers he had brought with him, but other than that, he was starving. After lunch, he went to math class only to find out that he had failed a test. It had just been a bad day. He almost started crying while talking about it.

Louis felt his heart break as he listened to Harry tell him all of this. He wished that there was something that he could do to help, but he knew that there probably wasn’t. He wanted to comfort the sweet younger boy, but he wasn’t sure how. Harry was too kind and too pure to experience any kind of sadness. So when Harry had finished talking, all Louis asked was, “Do you want a hug?”

Harry nodded and sat up, turning to Louis. Louis wrapped his arms around the boy. His lungs were burning as he tried not to cough. Harry tucked his head into Louis’ neck, and Louis tried not to move, fearing that he might cause Harry to move it. Louis gently scratched Harry’s back in the hug, and when he simply couldn’t hold it in any longer, he began to cough. Harry pulled away, giving Louis some space. Louis kept coughing, covering his mouth and turning away from Harry.

He turned and grabbed the glass of water next to his bed and took a big drink, which helped a little bit. Once he had finally stopped coughing, he shook his head, “Sorry.” Harry’s eyebrows were curved with worry, and his hands were outreached in case he needed to help Louis with anything. Louis noticed this and felt his heart melt, Harry was so caring. He continued to address what Harry had just told him, “I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better, but I just don’t know.”

Harry hesitated, and then looked at Louis unsure, “Can I tell you something, Louis?”

“Always.”

“I’ve been keeping a secret from everyone. I told one person while I was still in Holmes Chapel, and he didn’t take it very well. So I’ve never told it to anyone else,” he murmured.

Louis started to get curious, and he added, “Harry, whatever it is-- I won’t get mad. I’ve got you, alright?”

Harry nodded, swallowed hard, and then blurted it out, “I’m gay.”

Louis felt his stomach do a flip, and he hoped that his face didn’t show the shock he was feeling on the inside. Louis himself was gay, had only ever told his mum and Liam. He was too afraid to tell anyone else. But here Harry was confessing this to him, and he wasn’t quite sure how to respond. He wasn’t ready to tell Harry that he was gay, too. So all he said was, “Oh. That’s cool, I guess.”

Harry’s eyebrows turned into a little frown, “What do you think?”

Louis reached out and took one of Harry’s hands in his own, “I think you are still the same amazing person that I’ve been becoming such great friends with.”

“Thank you,” Harry breathed out a sigh of relief. It became obvious to Louis that he had been worried about admitting this.

Louis knew that he wasn’t ready to tell Harry the same thing yet, but he wanted Harry to know that he was there for him and that he would support him. He then asked, “What made you tell me this today?”

Harry shrugged, “Someone made a comment today. Made me feel bad.”

“What did they say?”

“I was drawing a picture of a flower. Just for fun, you know. Someone saw it and told me it was something that a gay kid would draw.”

Louis felt his entire body sink upon hearing that. He knew Harry was on the brink of tears again. All he could say was, “Oh, Harry. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s been so long since I’ve had to fight that part of me. After that happened back home, I never brought it up again or even thought about it really,” Harry paused, “I don’t know. I have thought about it because it is a part of me. But I guess that I’ve never felt like I could trust someone enough to tell them. I’ve never really had any friends here until now.”

“You can always tell me anything, Harry.” Louis promised.

Harry knew that Louis had meant that. And when he went home later that evening, it was all that he could think about. He knew that he could always rely on Louis. Louis was the best friend that Harry had ever had since moving here. He had been so afraid that Louis wouldn’t want to be his friend anymore after he admitted that he was gay, but he did. He had reacted so well. It was a nice surprise.

Louis was so sick that he had to spend three days out of school, plus spend the entire weekend in bed. He emailed all of his teachers, letting them know the circumstances and asking for any homework that he had missed. It was a pretty lonely five days that he sat in bed, trying to feel better. Harry came by Friday afternoon with the homework that he had been so kind to collect from all his teachers. Harry had wanted to stay so that he and Louis could catch up on a few things, but Louis insisted that he leave, fearing that if Harry spent too much time with him, he would get sick too. The only person who really spent a lot of time with Louis was his sister, Lottie. She had gotten sick, too. So they were suffering together. Her cough wasn’t nearly as bad as Louis’, but she still didn’t feel well at all. It was nice to have her company, but Louis wished he could be at school with his friends instead.

On Monday, when Louis was finally back at school, Harry was thrilled to see him. When he came in for lunch in the auditorium, everyone said hi as usual and asked him how he was feeling. But Harry greeted him by running up to him and giving him a big hug. Louis was a bit taken aback, and he had to grab onto one of the chairs to balance himself, but he hugged Harry back just as enthusiastically. It wasn’t like Harry didn’t like the others that sat with them-- he did. It just wasn’t the same with them. He loved being around Louis. Louis was his person.

They had become quite inseparable. They hung out almost every single weekend, watching movies together and going out to eat. Sometimes Liam or Niall would tag along, but most of the time it was just the two of them. Because his sister had just moved back in, Harry practically lived at Louis’ house. There was just a lot of tension at home. Gemma didn’t like Robin very much, so Harry tried to avoid the entire situation. But sometimes, Louis would come over to Harry’s house so that they didn’t just spend all their time at his house. They had watched Casablanca more times than they could count. When Louis’ family had gone on a little trip for a weekend, they invited Harry to come along. He was happy to go. In short, they were best friends.

After an entire month went by after Harry had told Louis his secret, Louis began feeling guilty over not sharing his sexuality with Harry. Harry would often pour out his soul to Louis, expressing his sense of isolation in the world, how he just wished that there was someone who could go through all of this with him. Louis would tell Harry that he was there for him. Harry knew that was true, but it wasn’t the same. Louis simply didn’t understand how he felt. Louis understood so much more than Harry thought he did. But he just wasn’t ready to open up about it. He couldn’t. For now, he would just be there for Harry.

As they were sitting at lunch together one day, Louis complained, “I have to go to the dentist tomorrow, and I’m dreading it so bad.”

Liam put down his sandwich, “Oh man, that sucks. I’m sorry, Louis.”

“I would rather die than go,” He expressed.

Niall offered a kind smile, “It’ll be okay, Louis.”

Louis just shuddered, and Harry asked, “I don’t get it. It’s just the dentist?”

“Just the dentist?” Louis mocked him, “What are you, Harry? Five? Grow up, the dentist is the worst thing in the world.”

Harry laughed, “Wouldn’t you be the one acting like a five year old getting this worked up over just going to the dentist?”

“Oi, shut it,” Lottie exclaimed, “He’s terrified of the dentist. He shakes every time he has to go in. They have to put him on laughing gas even just for a check-up and cleaning.”

Harry looked over at Louis, who was staring at the ground, frowning. He tried not to laugh. He didn’t like the dentist by any means, but he surely wasn’t that afraid of it. He didn’t know what to say next, so he just kind of looked away. Awkward.

“Are you just getting a cleaning?” Niall asked.

Louis shook his head, “Getting a cavity filled.”

“Gross,” Emily shook her head.

“It’s literally not that bad, you guys,” Harry frowned, “Do I like it? No. But do I deal with it? Yeah.”

Louis glared at him, “I get it.”

Louis then started gathering up his stuff and putting it into his backpack. He had a small frown on his face, which was just adorable. He stuffed the remainder of his lunch into his backpack and zipped it upon. He began to stand up, but Harry stopped him.

“Are you seriously going to leave over that?” He asked.

Louis glared at him, “Yeah, you’re being rude.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry sighed, “but I don’t get it.”

“I know you don’t, but Harry, I’m really really scared. So can you just let it go?”

“Okay.”

When Louis came into lunch the next day, his mouth was all numb. He couldn’t eat, and he couldn’t talk. All his friends took turns telling him to say specific phrases that sounded funny. Louis was only a little bit annoyed, but he humored them. He had forgiven Harry for being a jerk after Harry texted him that night apologizing profusely and offered to hold his hand while he was in the chair. Louis had rolled his eyes at that. That was clearly his mum’s job.

He wished that he would have eaten before his appointment because he was starving to death, and watching his friends eat all their food didn’t exactly help the situation. He laid his head on Harry’s shoulder.

“This seriously sucks,” he muttered. Unfortunately for Louis, the words came out all wrong because of the novocaine and his friends started laughing.

“Wait, Louis, say that again,” Niall laughed.

“Theriouthly thuckth,” Liam imitated the way he sounded.

“Can you guys shut up?” Lottie rolled her eyes. “Louis, say the word ‘spaghetti.’”

“I hate all of you,” he huffed.

“Aw,” Emily sighed, “that one didn’t even sound funny.”

Harry giggled, which Louis obviously felt from his head being on the younger boy’s shoulder. Louis was starting to get annoyed. It was all fun for a few minutes, but now it was just getting old. Louis hated the feeling of his mouth being numb, and he knew that he sounded like an idiot. He didn’t exactly need a reminder.

“Yeah, yeah, so hilarious,” he said sarcastically, lifting his head from Harry.

“No, put it back,” Harry whined, “I’m sorry, I’ll stop making fun of you.”

Louis smiled to himself as he laid his head back down on Harry’s shoulder. He was convinced that it was the comfiest pillow on the planet. Harry knocked his knee into Louis’, and then Louis did it back. They continued in that game for a while, getting more and more aggressive with their hits. Harry started laughing as he tried to dodge Louis’ knee.

The bell rang, and they both looked up. They had completely been in their own little world, but no one else had seemed to notice. They all started packing up their lunches and getting ready to go to class. Louis hadn’t gotten anything out, so he didn’t have anything to put away. So he just sat while everyone else packed up.

“Are you going to audition for the play next week?” Liam asked Louis.

“Yeah,” he nodded, “I haven’t prepared anything yet, though.”

“I have the perfect monologue in mind. It’s going to blow Mr. Jenkins away,” Niall claimed.

“What is it?” Harry asked.

Niall smiled, “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

“See you guys tomorrow,” Louis announced, standing up, “Harry, I’ll see you later today.”

Harry nodded furiously, picking up his backpack. Niall and Emily were already halfway out of the room, holding hands. Harry said a quick “see you later” to Liam before sneaking out of the closest door of the auditorium. He hurried to his Algebra 2 class, where he got out his homework to turn in. He had always been relatively good at math, but he didn’t really like it. He found it boring and repetitive. You just did the same thing over and over again but with new numbers.

After his teacher’s lesson, the students were let loose to do their homework assignment. Rather than doing it, Harry pulled out his phone to text Louis. “Bored in class. What are we gonna do tonight?” No response. 5 minutes later. “My parents have this fancy thing they’re going to, so you could come over.” When it was clear that Louis wasn’t looking at his phone, Harry sighed and put his back into his pocket.

He looked out the window. It was cloudy, but the sun was trying to peek through. He kept staring. He thought about the thing that his mum and Robin were going to tonight. It was some stupid elite thing where people just sit around and chat about old people stuff. Harry didn’t know what they talked about. The stock market probably, their nephew’s piano recital, how Obama had supposedly ruined the economy. Harry really didn’t care about any of it. He was glad they weren’t forcing him to go.He wondered if Louis’ parents would be there too. Probably. Turns out that Louis’ dad was pretty high up in Robin’s company, and they were really good friends. Harry never knew it because he always spaced out when Robin started talking about work.

Harry’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He hurried to grab it and look at the text from Louis. “Sick. It’s a date then, Curly.” Harry’s heart skipped a beat as he read the message. Even though he knew Louis didn’t actually mean it was a real date, he couldn’t help but get butterflies from thinking about it. A few seconds later, another text came in, “Have to do piano lessons with the twins right after school and then I’ll come over. So maybe like 4:30.”

Harry texted back a quick confirmation text and smiley face before putting his phone away so that his teacher wouldn’t see him texting. He had a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach knowing that he’d be able to hang out with Louis tonight. It was weird because the two were constantly hanging out. But Harry always had this feeling of excitement. Louis was his very favorite person in the world. He smiled to himself as he finally picked up his pencil and started on his homework.

The rest of the day went painfully slow for Harry. Louis sent him a meme in between periods, which made him giggle. His last class of the day was Economics. Talk about boring. He lost track of how many times he almost fell asleep as his teacher lectured, He got enough business talk at home, he really didn’t need it at school too. For the last fifteen minutes of class, the teacher put on Shark Tank for them to watch. Harry found that pretty entertaining, but he would have rather been at his house with Louis.

Finally, the bell rang, and he was free. He didn’t take his sweet time as he walked out of the school and to the pickup area. He got into the car and threw his backpack onto the floor.

“Hey James,” he greeted his driver, putting on his seatbelt.

“How was your day, Harry?” he asked.

Harry then went on to describe his day. He loved talking about his day, so he just went on and on. James made occasional comments, but mostly it was just Harry’s voice in the car, drowning out the song that was on the radio. Before he knew it, they were pulling up to the gate outside Harry’s house. Once they were in and parked, Harry hopped out of the car and dragged his backpack inside. He saw his sister, Gemma, sitting on the couch and groaned.

“I thought you were going with Mum and Robin tonight,” he shot her a glare.

“I am,” she said defensively, “We haven’t left yet, chill out.”

Harry sighed and sat down next to her. She pulled out her phone and stared down at it, ignoring Harry’s presence. He was glad because truth be told, he didn’t really feel like talking to her. He wanted his family to hurry and leave and Louis to come over. He laid his head against the back of the couch.

“Harry?” His mum called from down the hall. She appeared a few moments later, “Darling, are you sure you don’t want to come with us tonight?”

He nodded, “Yeah, I’m sure.” She sighed, and he added, “Louis is coming over tonight, so it’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” she seemed unsure, “I think we should be home at about 10:00 or so. Don’t have Louis stay any longer than that. It’s a school night, Harry.”

He smiled, “Okay, Mum.”

Robin walked into the room, “Okay, we better get going.”

“Have a good night, dear,” Anne kissed Harry on the cheek.

“You too,” he said.

Gemma stood up from the couch and put her coat on. The three then walked out the front door, leaving Harry by himself. Well, almost by himself. He could hear some commotion in the kitchen from the butler. Harry rolled his eyes. He was so tired of never having any peace and quiet. He was never able to do whatever he wanted to. Even when he was supposedly doing his thing, there was always someone there to bug him and remind him that his life was restricted. He hated it. He had to escape. He knew that when he graduated from high school, he was going to go far far away from here and never look back. He found himself wandering into the kitchen where Alex was doing the dishes. He looked up at Harry with a smile.

“Alex, why don’t you have the night off?” Harry smiled back.

“Are you sure?”

Harry nodded, “Absolutely! You do so much for us, you might as well have a night of fun.”

Alex grinned, “Thank you, sir.” Alex was quick to leave the house, and Harry was finally alone.

When Louis finally arrived, Harry had been bored out of his mind waiting. When he heard the buzzer from the gate, he nearly tripped over himself running to let Louis in. About a minute later, Louis was knocking on the door and Harry was letting him inside. They went up to Harry’s room, where Louis kicked his shoes off at the door and threw his coat onto Harry’s bed. He laid down onto the bed and made himself at home. He always did that. That was one of the things that Harry loved about him. He made everywhere they went feel like home.

“So,” Louis sang, “What do you wanna do?”

Harry shrugged, sitting down near Louis, “Dunno. What do you want to do?”

Louis sat up, “We could watch a movie.”

“Okay,” Harry grinned, “that’s your best idea yet.”

So they left the bedroom and went to the basement. In the theatre, they ruffled through all the movies on the shelf. Harry wanted to watch Jaws, but Louis wanted Grease. They argued over it for a few minutes. Finally, they agreed on giving up on those and just watching Harry Potter instead. That was kind of their go to. Both of them really liked the series and with eight different films to choose from, they didn’t really get tired of it either. They had chosen The Prisoner of Azkaban this time, it was Louis’ favorite.

The movie started, and it didn’t take long for Louis to ask, “So where are your parents tonight?”

Harry sighed, “There at this stupid thing. I don’t even really know what it is, but I know it’s for Robin’s job. Gemma wanted to go for some reason I don’t even understand. I would have rather put a bullet in my brain..”

“You’re so dramatic,” Louis giggled, laying down on his side, “But, I get you.”

Harry laughed, “I just get so tired of all the meetings and functions and parties all the time. I wish we could just be normal people with normal lives. People who don’t have to give their butler the night off in order to spend some time alone with their friends.”

Louis nodded, “I understand. I’ve been trapped in this my entire life. Well, even before I was born. My mum, you know, she was born into a rich family. She hated it and wanted to leave. She was so much like me. But she couldn’t do it, couldn’t leave. She married my dad, and even though I know she won’t admit it, she doesn’t love him. She’s done everything she’s supposed to do but she’s not happy. I know she’s not.

“And I just- I don’t want to end up like that. I love my mum, she’s the best person I know. I want to be like her in every way possible. But I don’t want to sacrifice myself for what’s expected of me. I want to be me. I have to dress a certain way, talk a certain way, be a certain person. And I’m just not that person. I don’t want to be that person.”

Louis had started to get emotional, and Harry leaned over to grab his hand. Louis squeezed it tight. Harry licked his lips, “Then don’t be that person.”

“What do you mean?” Louis looked at him with a curious expression.

Harry continued, “Promise me now that you won’t follow in the footsteps of your family. Don’t follow them blindly. Make your own decisions. Be yourself. Go to college in Seattle rather than some business school, I don’t know.”

Louis sniffled with a small laugh, “Okay. I promise. Only if you promise too.”

Harry squeezed his hand a little tighter, “I promise.”

Chapter Text

Harry felt his mouth go dry as he saw Louis standing in front of him. He was no longer a boy, he was a man now. And Harry couldn’t believe he was actually here. He was nearly speechless.

Louis grinned, Harry recognized the relief in his eyes, “I knew it was you. You look so different.”

“You do too!” Harry exclaimed. He couldn’t stop smiling, “What are you doing here?”

“Go to college in Seattle instead of some business school, right?” said Louis.

Harry laughed, “You really remember that whole spiel? I just meant do what you want to do.”

Louis shrugged, “Seemed like a pretty good suggestion.”

“I can’t believe you’re here!” Harry squealed, “How long have you been here?”

Louis guided Harry over to a table, and they sat down at the chairs. He answered on the way over, “Oh, it’s been probably about a month or so. I got here a few weeks before the semester started.”

“That’s amazing. How have you been? It’s been absolute ages.”

Louis nodded, “Yeah. Oh, I felt so terrible. I lost my phone, had to get a new one with a new number and nothing was backed up. I lost contact with everyone I ever knew in California. It sucked, but I survived obviously. Anyway I got my degree in Public Health in Minnesota. And now I’m here for my Master’s Degree. So it’s been pretty exciting. What about you?”

“Wow, that’s great! I’m a junior here, getting my degree in English-- Creative Writing,” Harry started.

“Why am I not surprised?” Louis laughed.

Harry joined the laughter, “I don’t think anyone is surprised, really.”

“How’s your life?” Louis asked, “Are you working? Where do you live? What kind of friends do you have now?”

Louis was so good at asking good questions for conversation. Harry had always thought that. He was so easy to talk to, and he really made you feel like he cared. Harry smiled, “I’m not working right now. Actually looking for a job. I live over in Greener’s Village with my roommate, Nick. He’s really cool, I’ll have to introduce you guys.”

“Oh sweet!”

Harry hesitated to say this next part, “I’m dating someone. His name is Sam, he’s great.”

“Harry, that’s great!” Louis gushed, “I’m really happy for you.”

“Yeah, thanks!” Harry nodded. “What about you? Are you dating anyone?”

“No,” Louis shook his head, “You know me, never able to commit.” Harry smiled politely. What a thing to bring up. Louis sighed, “Just joking actually. I was seeing someone, but we broke up not too long ago.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”

Louis only shrugged, “I mean it’s life, right? He wasn’t right for me, I’ll survive.”

Harry nodded. Looks like Louis still had his good attitude. Louis could get through any bad situation and not complain about it. He was such a positive person it almost made Harry sick. It was one of the things he had loved about Louis. He looked over at Louis next to him. This man had been his entire world for a portion of his life. He still couldn’t believe he was really sitting in front of him. It had to be a dream.

Louis took a deep breath in and said, “This might be weird, Harry, but it’s been so long. Can I give you a hug?”

Harry felt his heart swell in his chest, “Of course.”

So he leaned forward to give Louis a hug. A big, warm, full hug. He had missed this feeling so much. He took a second just to savor the moment he was experiencing. The heat from Louis’ body came off onto him and he basked in it. He breathed in the scent from Louis. It was familiar, but different. For one thing, Louis was definitely wearing cologne. Harry knew Louis’ smell though, and it was there. But it was almost like it had matured with the boy. Harry nuzzled his face into Louis’ neck like he had always done when they were younger. Except it was harder now because Harry had grown taller than Louis.He had to lean down a little bit to get his face where it needed to be.

Louis was the first one to pull away, taking the heat of his body with him. Harry felt a cold air rush at him at the loss of the man. He felt his heart race as Louis said, “Just as I remember.”

He smiled so hard he thought his cheeks might burst, “We have to get dinner or something soon.”

“Oh, I’d love it,” Louis nodded, “When are you free this week?”

The two went back and forth for a few minutes, trying to find a time for them both that worked. But it was just a really crazy week. Neither of them were free at the same time. Finally, Louis suggested, “How about tonight then?”

“Tonight?” Harry asked.

“Yeah,” he shrugged, “Ditch this place, get some food.”

Harry grinned, “That sounds great.”

It didn’t take long for the two to have grabbed their things and started out the door. Harry stuck his hands in his pockets to protect them from the chilly air, and asked, “So where do you want to go?”

Louis shrugged, “I’m still pretty unfamiliar with the area. Why don’t you choose?”

Harry agreed and asked if it was okay for them to simply walk around until they found somewhere they wanted to go. Louis thought that was a great idea. There were a lot of places to eat just along the streets, places that not even Harry himself had tried since living in the area. Plus, it was a really nice area just to roam around the streets. It was really pretty. Harry was happy just to spend any time at all with Louis. So many times he had wished for just one more evening to spend with the boy. Now that wish had come true. He was so happy to be in the presence of his old friend once again.

Finally, they decided on this little Italian restaurant that Harry had never been to before. When they walked in, they were greeted by a waitress, who immediately locked eyes on Louis. She smiled widely at them, asking how many were in the party. Harry answered that it was just the two of them, but the waitress, whose name was Wendy, didn’t take her eyes off Louis. She guided them back to a table, and putting her hand on Louis’ arm, told them not to hesitate to holler if they needed anything.

She came back a few minutes later to take their orders. Louis ordered the lasagna, while Harry stuck with his usual-- fettuccine alfredo. As they were waiting for the food, Wendy came by with a couple of wine classes. She put them down and whispered to Louis, “On the house.” All Louis did was smile and thank her. Wow, he was so oblivious. It shouldn’t have bothered Harry, it really shouldn’t have. But this waitress was being so obvious about her flirting, and she didn’t even know him. He tried not to let his annoyance show upon his face.

Instead, he rested his hands on the table and asked, “So how’s your family doing? Give me the whole update.”

Louis smiled. He loved talking about his family, “Pretty good. Dad’s just opened a second firm in New York City, so things are going really well with him. That’s good I guess. He tried to come and get me to work for him, but as you can imagine, I wasn’t about to go for that. Not after that whole internship thing.”

Harry giggled upon remembering the experience, and Louis continued, “Lottie’s moved back to London, she’s in beauty. She’s doing really well actually, yeah. Fizzy is still at home, she just graduated. She’s taking a semester off to work. The twins are still in school, they’re really growing up. Miss them a lot. And the little twins are about to start school.”

“Little twins?” Harry asked.

Louis tilted his head, “Oh gosh, you don’t know! Mum had another set of twins. Yeah, Ernest and Doris. Oh, they’re lovely.”

“Wow!” Harry exclaimed. So much had happened while they had been separated. It was kind of crazy. “What about your Mum? How’s she?”

Louis’ face fell, and Harry immediately regretted the question. “Mum’s sick. Yeah, she’s really sick.”

“Oh, Louis.”

“They don’t think she’ll make it to the end of the year,” He added, looking down at his hands, which were tearing at the napkin in front of him.

Harry felt his heart sink, “I am so sorry. I can’t imagine how that must be.”

Louis tried to force a smile, but tears pricked at the sides of his eyes, “Yeah. Don’t really like to think about it.”

“I’m sorry I brought it up, we can change the subject,” Harry said, reaching across the table to grab Louis’ hand.

The waitress brought the food over, placing it in front of each boy. She told them several times to be careful as their plates were very hot. Louis smiled at her, and Harry just rolled his eyes. As the two ate, they made small chat. And then Louis asked, “So you’ve heard my story. How’s your family doing?”

Harry sighed. Where to begin? “Mum and Robin are doing good. The same as ever really. Gems got married like seven months ago.”

“No way!” Louis exclaimed. Harry nodded, and he laughed, “I can’t believe it.”

“Yeah,” Harry smiled, “Married to a guy named Parker. He’s really lovely.”

Louis licked his lips, “Well, that’s just great. Where’s she living?”

Harry laughed, “That’s the thing. Technically they still live in California. But they’re constantly traveling. That’s literally their jobs. I’m not sure how it works, but they get paid to travel all around the world all the time.”

“Oh man,” Louis raised his eyebrows, “That’s sick.”

Harry nodded in agreement. He was pretty jealous of his sister right about now.

Louis and Harry took their time finishing up their meals as they caught up with each other. Louis told Harry about his life after he moved to New York City and then after he transferred to a college in Minnesota. He was incredibly ambitious, always moving on to the next bigger and better thing in his sight. He would never stop progressing and succeeding in life. He couldn’t handle sitting idly by and not doing something with his own life. That’s why he was here. To keep on the path of success. He had gotten that from his dad he figured. He could never really escape.

When they finally left the restaurant, they decided to keep walking around for a little while longer. Harry’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He looked at it and smiled hard to himself. Louis raised his eyebrows, “What are you smiling about over there?”

“Hm?” He hurried to type something and then put the phone in his pocket, “Oh, it’s just Sam. He rented La La Land for me tonight.”

Louis looked to the ground, “Ah. Great movie.”

“Yeah,” Harry nodded. “Speaking of which. Back in the day you wanted to be an actor or director or something. Why didn’t you pursue that?”

“What a loaded question,” Louis laughed, “Well I had started taking film classes, but I just didn’t like it a whole lot. Decided it wasn’t for me.”

Harry hummed in response. They walked in silence for a moment. It was starting to get pretty dark outside now, and Harry was cold without the comfort of the sun. He hadn’t brought a jacket with him tonight because he had figured that he would be inside the whole night. He wrapped his arms around himself and a small shiver escaped him.

Louis looked over at him, “Do you want my jacket?”

“Won’t you be cold?” Harry asked.

“Well, yeah,” Louis smiled, “but if you’re cold, you should have it.”

Harry laughed. “I don’t want to take it from you if you’ll be cold.”

“Well, I insist that you do,” Louis shot back. He took off the jacket and handed it to Harry, who took it gratefully and thanked him.

He slipped the jacket over his shoulders and slid his arms through the sleeves. It was warm from Louis’ own body, and Harry wanted to stay in it forever. It was a little tight on him since Louis was smaller, but he didn’t care. It was just what he needed. He needed Louis.

“You know,” Louis started, “I can’t believe that we ran into each other there of all places.”

“Why?” Harry asked, stepping over a bump on the sidewalk.

“Neither of us would have been caught dead at an event like that when we were younger, you know? A wine symposium would have sounded like some kind of tortune to me as a teenager. And I remember how much you hated going to those kinds of things. But here we both are, completely separate from the environment we grew up in. Yet we both still somehow ended up there. It’s just weird to me.”

Harry nodded, “Oh, I get what you mean. I just feel comfortable at things like that for some reason. Like, I don’t know. Half the time I really do find them so so so boring. But there’s something familiar. If ever I’m homesick, I find myself going to a lot of them. It is odd, you’re right, because when I was at home, I didn’t want anything to do with them. And I still don’t, don’t get me wrong. I don’t want my life to be anything like these fancy events I sometimes go to. But they’re me. They represent me. It’s like it’s the only thing I’ve ever understood, so I cling to it. I don’t know, I’m probably not making any sense.”

Harry barely noticed that Louis had stopped walking, “It makes perfect sense.”

Harry could feel a small smile forming on his face as he slowly turned to face Louis. He forgot how perfect Louis had always understood him. They had experienced so many of the same things. They just looked at each other for a second until Harry cleared his throat and looked at the ground.

“Well,” he said, “I should probably be getting home. Maybe we should head back to the cars.”

“Yeah,” Louis nodded.

Harry could see the goosebumps forming on Louis’ arms as they walked back, so he took the jacket off and handed it back to Louis. He smiled, slipping it back on his own arms. They continued on chatting about random things the rest of the way to the cars. The conversation came so naturally, it was as if they had never even been separated. Harry loved that. It was nice.

“Here we are,” Louis stated once they got back.

Harry nodded with a sigh, “Here we are.”

“Oh, hey. Before you go,” Louis exclaimed, pulling his phone from his pocket, “Put your number in my phone. I’d hate to lose contact again.”

Harry grabbed the phone from Louis and typed his number in. He sent a little text to himself so that he would have Harry’s number too. He hoped that they really would stay in contact now. He handed the phone back to Louis and gave him another hug. He held on tight, not wanting to let go. Louis was pretty quick to wrap his arms around Harry and tighten the grip. Neither of them let go for a long, long time. It was as if they were frozen in time, neither of them saying a word or moving a muscle. It started raining again, but neither Harry nor Louis even made a move to let go of the hug. As he held onto Louis, Harry let out a breath he felt that he had been holding in for a very long time. He felt tears forming in his eyes as they stood still. Finally, they pulled away from one another. Harry sniffled loudly and saw Louis wipe at his eyes.

“You have know idea how happy I am to find you again,” Harry admitted.

Louis smiled, a tear falling down his cheek, “I think I have a better idea than you think. I’ll talk to you soon, Harry.”

“Bye, Louis.”

--

When Louis told Sam and Nick about his experience, they had very different reactions.

“Dude, that’s so awesome!” Nick exclaimed, “I mean, what are the odds?”

Sam looked slightly annoyed and just asked, “Louis? As in the Louis who you were in love with?”

Oh. With that, Harry felt all of his happiness from the night fly out the window, and it was replaced with a deep feeling of emptiness. He understood why Sam said it, but it didn’t change the fact that it hurt. He swallowed hard. Sam didn’t understand how important Louis was, not even a little bit. Harry couldn’t even describe the feeling. Hopelessness maybe? He didn’t know how something so small and seemingly insignificant could change his entire mood, but somehow it had.

Harry sighed, “That was a long time ago, baby.” He didn’t say anything, clearly a little bit upset. Harry leaned in and gave him a kiss. “I love you.”

Harry knew that Sam probably wouldn’t want Louis to be hanging around them too much, but he was just going to have to accept it. Louis was new to the city, and didn’t have too many friends. Just as Louis had given Harry a place to belong when they were in school, he intended to do the same. Louis was his best friend of all time, and that wasn’t going to change. Sam was going to have to deal with it. Plus, it was a long time ago that Harry had had a crush on Louis. It was years ago, and he was a lot more secure in his life now. He had Sam, who he was happy with. There was nothing to worry about. Nothing at all.

“Can we please watch La La Land now?” Harry asked, leaning back in his own seat again.

They turned it on, and Harry snuggled in close to Sam. Sam was warm and cozy, perfect for a snuggle. Nick was sat on the couch next to them, and 20 minutes into the movie, he was already asleep. Harry’s mind drifted to Louis. He still couldn’t believe that they had been reunited again after all this time.

He looked toward the window, and it was still raining. He longed to go out in the rain, to feel the drops upon his face. He stood up from the couch, and Sam offered him a puzzled expression. Upon telling Sam to come outside with him, they stepped outside the apartment. There was still a cover over their heads, so Harry hurried down the stairs and to the street. Sam stayed under the cover, completely baffled by Harry’s actions.

“What are you doing? You’re crazy!” He yelled down to Harry.

“Come kiss me,” Harry yelled back. Sam didn’t understand the significance of the moment, so he hesitated. Harry felt a hollowness in his chest as he pleaded, “Please.”

Sam rolled his eyes at Harry, but walked down the stairs anyways. Harry was already soaking wet, but he didn’t care. He used to always stand outside in the rain. He hadn’t done it, though, for a long time. When Sam finally reached him, Harry tried to smile. He grabbed Sam’s hand and pulled the man to him. He kissed him, wrapping his arms around him.

Harry saw lightning, which was followed quickly by thunder. He kissed Sam once more. His hair, sopping wet, felt heavy on his neck and head, so he pushed it back with his hand. He looked up to the sky and grinned. This was where he belonged. It didn’t take Sam long to decide he was done with the wind and wanted to go inside, but Louis wanted to stay out. So as Sam disappeared up the stairs, Harry sat down on a bench at the sidewalk. He felt again that the rain represented him. It didn’t get to choose it’s life. It simply existed. And wherever it ended up, it was constantly falling. His mind flashed back to him as a 16-year-old boy, standing outside in the rain at a party his parents were throwing. It was where he had first met Louis.

So much had happened since then, and he had grown so much. He longed to go back in time and tell that boy that everything was going to be okay. He longed to tell him that after that night, his life would never be the same again. He longed to hug that boy and never let go. He placed his hand out in front of him, with his palm facing up, and watched the rain droplets bounce from his skin.

His phone vibrated from his pocket, pulling him back to reality. It was a message from Louis that read ‘Had a lovely evening catching up, hope to do it again soon.’ Harry smiled to himself. He typed back that he had a nice time as well. And for good measure he sent, ‘My friends and I eat lunch at the disco cafe pretty much every single day around 12:30. If you’d like to join us tomorrow, you are seriously more than welcome.’

With that, Harry stood up and walked back upstairs to his apartment. He could hear the shower running. That would be Sam. He went into the bathroom and started undressing himself. He peeled the wet clothes from his skin and said, “Please hurry, I wanna get in the shower too.”

“You could just join me,” Sam’s voice suggested from behind the curtain.

Harry shook his head, “Not tonight. Just kinda want my own shower.”

Sam didn’t say anything in response to that, but it didn’t take long for him to step out of the shower. He left the water running for Harry just to get right in. He grabbed Harry’s arm and pulled him close to his body. Harry, still cold from being outside, appreciated the heat coming from Sam’s body. He rested his head against his boyfriend’s chest.

“I don’t know what’s going on,” Sam sighed, “Like why you’re being all weird tonight. But I’ve got you, alright?”

Harry nodded, the water droplets from his hair, rolling down Sam’s toned chest. He knew he was maybe being a little bit distant, but he didn’t necessarily think he was being weird. Although, normally he never would have said no to a shower together. He just wasn’t feeling it tonight. He was sad, but he didn’t really have a reason to be. He just was. It was like this dread in the pit of his stomach. Everything in his life was going perfectly fine, he had even been reunited with Louis. But he just felt that something wasn’t right. Sam wasn’t going to like Louis or something. He tried to push it out of his head.

He stayed in Sam’s grasp for a few minutes. Neither of them said anything else before Harry finally pulled away. He stepped into the tub and disappeared behind the shower curtain. He looked to the ground, letting the hot water stream over his head and in front of his face. He heard the door open and close again, the sign that Sam had left the room. His face contorted into a frown and he began to cry. He didn’t know what his problem was, but he needed to cry.

When he was out of the shower and dressed in his pajamas, he walked back out to the living room, where La La Land was just starting to wrap up. Nick was awake now, and watching the movie intently. He looked up at Louis.

“Hey,” he said, “Sam went home. Wanted me to tell you he’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Harry sighed. Great. Now Sam didn’t even want to be here with him. Everyone hated him, he knew it. He sat down by Nick and laid his head onto the man’s shoulder. He took in a deep breath and tried to hold in the tears that were battling his eyes.

“You okay, Harry?” Nick asked.

He nodded, “I’m okay. Rough night.”

“Did you and Sam get into a fight?” Nick asked. When Harry shook his head, he continued, “He said that he’d come back when you decided to talk. So I just thought…”

That was all it took for Harry to burst into tears. He didn’t know what he had done wrong. It was just a weird night. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk about how he was feeling, he just didn’t know how. Nothing had particularly happened, he was just sad. He felt weird. He had every reason to be completely happy, but for whatever reason, tonight he just wasn’t. He supposed that was just life. But he still didn’t like it.

“Hey, hey,” Nick frowned, “What’s going on?”

Harry shrugged, “I don’t even know. I’m just sad.”

“I think you need to get to bed, Harry.”

Nick stood up, followed by Harry. They went into Harry’s room, and Harry crawled into bed. He pulled out his phone and texted Sam. ‘Sorry if you thought I was being weird and distant. Just a bad day. Going to sleep now. Goodnight love you.’ Sam didn’t text back. He had probably already gone to sleep. Harry closed his eyes tight as Nick said goodnight and closed the door. Tomorrow would be better.

As it turned out, tomorrow was better. Harry went through his morning as usual. Dr. Miller going off about zombies, that girl by the elevator getting her daily bag of chips from the vending machine, Harry hitting that pothole on his way to campus. It was as if last night hadn’t even happened. As Harry pulled up to the Disco Cafe, he felt his stomach growl. He walked in to see Sam sitting at the booth with Justin. He smiled and walked over to them.

Sam greeted him with a kiss, “Sorry about last night.”

“Me too,” Harry nodded. And he really was. It had just been a weird night.

“Hey Harry,” a voice came from beside the booth. Harry looked over to see Louis. He smiled, “Is it okay if I eat with you guys today. Didn’t really have anywhere else to go.”

Harry grinned, “Absolutely.”

He scooted in to make more room for Louis, who sat down. His hands fidgeted anxiously, as they always did when he was nervous. He grabbed a menu and hid his face, looking over it. Harry felt ecstatic to see Louis here so soon. Maybe he would become another extension of their group. He would love that. Sam shot Harry a puzzled expression.

“Oh,” Harry smiled, “I guess I should do some introductions.”

“Please,” Justin laughed, and Lous lowered the menu.

“This is Justin and Sam,” Harry smiled, and then gestured towards the man sitting next to him, “And this is Louis.”

Chapter Text

“Do you think you’ll ever leave California?” Harry asked.

He was laying on his back on top of Louis’ bed, playing with a loose thread on Louis’ comforter. He turned onto his side to get a better look at Louis, who was furiously scribbling on an assignment that he was supposed to have turned in today. He looked up and over to Harry and shrugged.

“I mean, yeah,” he answered, “Someday I’ll probably move.”

Harry nodded his head and turned back to his backside. He looked around at all the posters scattered across Louis’ bedroom walls. He had studied them so many times before. His favorite was a small little Pink Floyd poster hidden up in the corner. It was ripped in the corner, and it had definitely seen better days. Louis’ mum had given it to him a few years ago. It had been hers, she got it at a Pink Floyd concert, it was signed and everything. Harry thought it was so cool.

He turned toward Louis again, “Do you think you’ll ever meet someone cool and famous?”

Louis giggled, “I don’t know. Hopefully.”

“Do you think your favorite food will ever change from cereal?”

“Harry, you know I love you,” Louis sighed, “But please shut up. I really need to get this assignment done or Mrs. Kent will fail me.” Harry huffed in annoyance and turned so his back was facing away from Louis. He only stayed like that for a second before Louis said, “But to answer your question. No, cereal will always be my favorite food.”

Harry smiled to himself and sat up. He stared at the wall for a few minutes. He was bored without Louis entertaining him. He heard a playful scream from downstairs, which snapped him back to reality. He started blowing bubbles with his gum, trying to fill the time with something, anything. It didn’t last very long before he was bored of that and his tongue was worn out. He looked back at Louis.

“How much more of that do you have?” He asked.

“Would you chill out?” Louis laughed, “I’m almost done. Read a book or something, jeez.”

Harry made a sound of displeasure as he stepped from Louis’ bed. He took a few steps to the bookshelf in the corner of the room. He tilted his head in order to see the titles better. Finally, he chose one: The Perks of Being a Wallflower. He sat himself back down on the bed and opened up the book to the first page. He tried to read it, but as he tried, his mind seemed to go in and out of focus. He found himself rereading the same few sentences over and over again. He just couldn’t concentrate. He closed the book and laid back down onto his back. He stared at the ceiling, looking at the little glow-in-the-dark stars that Louis had placed all over the ceiling. He closed one of his eyes to see if he could still see this one star that he was focusing on. He could. Then he closed the other eye to test the same thing. He could still see it. Only it seemed to be in a little bit different of a position. He alternated closing his eyes one at a time until he was so bored of that he could have died.

He rolled onto his side so that he was facing Louis again, “Do you think we’ll be friends forever, Louis?”

“Harry!” Louis shoved him away. He was definitely smiling, though.

Harry giggled to himself. He was patient for the rest of the time that Louis was working on his homework. He filled the time with seeing if he could touch the tip of his tongue to his nose. He couldn’t. He also tried to lick his elbow, and he couldn’t do that either. He messed up his hair with his hands and fixed it a few times, and he untied and retied his own shoes a few times. Finally, after what had seemed like literal ages, Louis was done with his assignment.

“Okay,” he announced, “I’m done you big baby.”

“Finally!!!” Harry exclaimed. He got down on both knees and started bowing to Louis.

Louis laughed, gently kicking his chest, “Would you knock it off? Come on, I’m hungry.”

“You’re hungry?!,” Harry gasped, “I’ve been over here just mere moments away from death.”

“You’re so stupid,” Louis giggled, opening his door to the hallway.

Harry followed him to the kitchen like a lost puppy. Louis’ mum was sitting at the counter, arranging a floral arrangement. She looked up as the two boys entered the room and smiled. She pushed the vase away from her, “Louis, I was wondering when you would be home.”

Louis frowned, “I’ve been home for over an hour.”

“Oh,” she sighed, “Well, there’s food on the stove if you’re hungry, dear.”

“Thanks, mum!”

She hummed in response and then turned her attention towards Harry. She stood up and walked over to him, “Harry, dear. So good to see you as always.”

As she kissed him on the cheek, he smiled, “Great to see you too, Jay.”

Meanwhile, Louis was already at the stove with a bowl, dishing the food into it. It was spaghetti. He handed the full bowl to Harry and then grabbed another one for himself. Harry took a big bite, as if he hadn’t eaten for days. He was a teenage boy after all, so he felt like that quite often. He was soon joined by Louis, who was somehow taking even bigger bites.

“You know,” he mumbled, his mouth full of food, “we should do something today.”

“Like what?” Harry asked.

“I dunno,” Louis shrugged, “Just do something, go somewhere. I feel like we always just hang out at one of our houses.”

Harry nodded, taking another bite of his food, “Okay.”

He looked over at Louis, who was in the middle of chewing his bite of food. With every movement of his jaw, his temples pulsed as well. Harry watched only for a moment before Louis gave him a weird look for staring at him. He looked away quickly, taking another bite. From the other side of the kitchen, Jay was going through the mail sitting on the counter. She was humming softly. She opened up an envelope and stared at it.

“Louis,” she turned around, “Did you apply to Harvard?”

Harry put his fork down and looked over to Louis, who’s eyes went wide, “Yes. Why?” Jay didn’t say anything. She walked over to the table where the two boys were sitting and handed a letter to Louis. He looked at it, and broke out into a huge smile. “I can’t believe it!” He exclaimed.

“What?!” Harry exclaimed, “Did you get accepted?”

“Yes!” Louis stood up, practically jumping up and down. He hugged his mum, wrapping his arms around her.

“Louis!” she hugged him back, but smacked his arm, “you didn’t tell me you were going to do that!”

He laughed, pulling away from the hug, “I didn’t think I would get accepted, I just applied for fun. I just can’t believe it!”

“Are you going to accept?” Harry asked.

Louis’ attention was finally brought back to him, and he shook his head, “No, I don’t think I want to move that far away. I have all my friends and everything around here. I just wanted to be able to say I was accepted into Harvard.”

Jay looked away for a brief moment before hugging Louis once more, “Well, congratulations honey. I’m so proud of you.”

He grinned as his eyes lit up, “Love you, Mum!”

“I love you too,” She shook her head fondly as she stepped away from the hug and started out of the kitchen, “You boys have fun tonight.”

Louis looked back to Harry with a giant, cheeky grin on his face, “Can you believe it?”

“I can’t believe it. We definitely have to go out and celebrate now!” Harry exclaimed.

“I know just the place.”

—

When Louis finally pulled up to the parking lot of “Rainbow Roller Rink,” Harry burst out laughing. Louis grinned as he parked the car, and unclicked his seatbelt. He looked over to Harry, who was still all giggles.

“This is where you want to celebrate?” He asked.

Louis shrugged, “Yeah.”

“You’re going to celebrate getting into Harvard,” Harry continued, “by going to a roller skating rink?”

“Do you have a problem with that?” He frowned playfully.

“No,” Harry bit his lip, unclicking his own seatbelt, and opening up the door.

They waltzed into the rink and stopped at the counter, where Louis smiled at the worker, “Two, please.”

“Did you bring your own skates?” The worker asked in a monotone voice.

“Erm no,” Louis said.

“What size?” The worker asked. He wrote down the sizes and then said, “Okay, that’ll be $10 even.”

Louis and Harry both gave the worker $5 and he handed them their skates. They made their way over to a bench to put them on. Some groovy song was playing and Louis sang along to it. He didn’t know the lyrics in the slightest, but Harry just loved to see him in this good of a mood, it was like the sun shining down.

“I haven’t done this in forever,” Harry admitted, “I’m going to be terrible at it.”

“Honestly,” Louis nodded, “me too.”

Harry’s fingers worked tirelessly to tie the skates tight enough, and when he looked up, Louis was already on his feet, ready to go. Harry rolled his eyes at his eagerness. Still, he had to admit that there was a certain sparkle in Louis’ eyes right now that he never wanted to go away.

Harry finally stood up and they made their way to the rink. As predicted, Harry wobbled, and he had to keep grabbing onto the railing in order to steady himself. He felt like an idiot as Louis excelled, skating nearly perfectly and literally doing twirls. Of course he was good at this too.

Though Harry was sure that Louis would rather be out skating fast and doing whatever little tricks he had up his sleeve, he didn’t leave Harry’s side once, constantly encouraging him. Finally, Harry started to get the hang of it again and got away from the railing. He looked over at Louis, who winked at him. He felt his breath catch in his chest, and he went back to the railing.

Louis frowned and skated over to him, “Alright?”

“Yeah,” Harry shook his head with a smile, “Just almost fell.”

“Come on,” Louis extended his hand.

Harry took it, and Louis pulled him away from the railing. Louis held onto his hand until he felt confident on his own, and then he let go. Harry would have seriously rathered that he keep holding it, but he didn’t say anything. Louis twirled around him, dancing along to the music that was blasting through the speakers.

“You lied when you said you weren’t good at this!” Harry shot at him.

“Hey,” Louis laughed, “Alright, so I come here with the twins all the time. I get a lot of practice in.” Harry huffed out a breath and rolled his eyes. Louis smiled, “It’s not that hard to do this. Try it.”

“No, I couldn’t!” Harry exclaimed, “I’m still just trying to stay on my feet.”

“Oh, come on!” Louis egged him on, “Just try one little spin.”

Harry rolled his eyes and then nodded. He sped up a little and then lifted his foot to try to spin around. He could feel himself losing his balance, and he reached out to catch himself. He grabbed onto Louis’ arm, but unfortunately for the both of them, this caused Louis to lose his balance too. They toppled onto the ground, Louis right on top of Harry.

Harry could feel Louis’ breath on his face for only a moment before he rolled off of him. They both laid on the ground for a moment. Little kids skated past them as they stayed still. Harry thought for sure Louis was gonna tell him off for making him fall. To his surprise, though, Louis just burst out laughing.

His laugh was contagious, and it only took a second before Harry was laughing too. They couldn’t stop laughing for ages. Pretty soon, Harry was clutching his stomach and Louis was in tears. They were still on the ground, children dodging them and telling them to move.

Louis wiped a tear from his eye and sat up, “Come on, let’s get slushies or something.”

They skated over to the little food court, and Louis told Harry to sit at a booth while he got the slushies. No arguments came from Harry as he sat down. He watched as Louis skated up to counter, his upper body delicately leaning against the edge as he held on for balance. He talked with the girl at the stand, and she laughed at something he said. Harry looked away quickly, rolling his eyes. Soon enough, Louis was sat in front of him, handing him a cherry slushie.

He grinned, “So…”

Harry raised his eyebrows, “So?” When Louis didn’t say anything, he exclaimed, “So Louis you were accepted into Harvard!”

“Yeah,” Louis let out a breathy laugh, “Kind of crazy, isn’t it?”

“It’s completely insane,” Harry said.

“What do you think?” Louis asked.

“Are you thinking of accepting the offer?” Harry asked, “I mean, it’s a huge deal.”

Louis shrugged, “I dunno.” He looked down.

Harry frowned. “What’s holding you back?” He imagined Louis looking into his eyes. The words “You are,” coming out of his mouth. He wanted him to be the reason that Louis wanted to stay.

Instead Louis just said, “A lot of things. I mean, Harvard is known for business, and I’m more of a humanities person, I don’t know.”

Harry nodded, and then Louis continued, “Like, I know it would be an amazing opportunity or whatever. But I don’t want to go to Harvard. I only applied because I thought getting accepted would make me feel good about myself.”

“Has it?” Harry asked.

Louis sighed. He finally looked up at Harry, “I mean, yeah, I guess. It feels good to know I’m good enough for Harvard. But it doesn’t bring the satisfaction I thought it might, y’know?”

“I understand,” Harry said. “Still something missing from your life. I get it.”

Louis smiled, looking directly into Harry’s eyes, “You always get it.”

A shiver went through Harry’s spine.

Louis’ phone went off, and he looked away from Harry. Harry’s mouth felt dry, and he took a sip from the slushie. Louis unlocked his phone, and his fingers flew across the screen, typing something.

“Mum just texted me, said she’s got something we need to talk about,” He said.

“Is everything okay?” Harry asked, concerned.

“Dunno,” Louis shrugged, “we better get going.” Harry nodded, and they stood up.

The drive to Harry’s house seemed to take forever. Louis was really fidgety the entire time, and wouldn’t really say anything. Harry could tell that he was worried about whatever it was that his Mum needed to talk to him about.

“I’m sure everything’s okay, Lou,” Harry tried to encourage him. Louis only offered a small smile in return.

They finally pulled up to Harry’s house, and he looked over at Louis, “See you tomorrow, yeah?”

Louis nodded, “Yeah.”

“Text me whatever you find out.”

With that, Harry shut the door. He had barely turned to enter the pin to the gate before Louis had sped away from him. He frowned. He had never seen Louis like this. He didn’t like it, and he hoped that whatever was going on wasn’t too big of a deal. He finished pushing in the pin to the gate, and once it swung open, he dragged his feet until he was in the house.

Gemma was sitting on the couch, looking at something on her phone. She looked up to see Harry, and she grinned at him, “Hey Harry.”

“Hey,” he smiled, sitting down next to her. He sighed, putting his legs up on the coffee table. Gemma shot him a look, so he rolled his eyes, and put his feet back on the ground.

“Everything okay, kid?” she asked.

Harry shrugged, “Yeah, I guess.”

Gemma put her phone down and turned so her body was completely facing her brother, “Come on. I’m all ears here.”

“Just a weird evening, I guess,” Harry shrugged, “Like, I had such a good night with Louis, but then he got a text from his mum saying she had something important to tell him, and he was in a huge hurry and was just kind of acting weird.”

“Huh,” Gemma thought about it for a minute, “I’m sure he was just anxious to see what she had to say.”

He nodded, “Maybe. I’ve just never seen him act like that. I’m just a little bit worried, I guess.”

“Aw,” she cooed, “You’re a good friend. I’m sure he’ll be in touch.”

“Anyway,” Harry smiled at her, “Turns out I suck at roller skating.”

“Oh,” she giggled, “I can only imagine. Wanna watch a movie with me before bed?”

Harry nodded, his demeanor lighting up like a light bulb. He followed his sister downstairs to the theater and plopped down on one of the couches. She flicked her fingers through the movies, trying to decide which one to watch.

“Don’t choose anything dumb,” he hollered.

“Oh, shut it!”

He laughed to himself and laid his head against the side of the couch. He looked at his phone to see if Louis had texted him yet, but there were no notifications. He sighed. Gemma put a disc into the DVD player and came over to sit by her brother.

He looked over at her, “What’d you choose?”

“Guess you’ll just have to wait and see,” she teased. Harry rolled his eyes.

The movie ended up being Sleep;ess in Seattle. It was one of Harry’s favorites, and he was glad that Gemma chose it. He didn’t even know she liked it all that much. Gemma had great taste in movies, but she was usually all about action films or superhero movies. He wouldn’t have pegged her as one to enjoy a romantic comedy.

“I wouldn’t have expected you to pick this one,” Harry yawned, grabbing a blanket and getting cozy.

She wrapped an arm around him, “Me neither. But you seemed a little down, and I know you like it.”

“Thanks, Gems.”

Harry didn’t even make it halfway through the movie before he fell into the arms of sleep, which were gently awaiting him. He had had a long day, and he had a lot on his mind. He hoped everything with Louis was okay. He tried to stay awake, but it was a lost cause, as his eyelids gently closed and he left reality.

It seemed like only a second had gone by the time Gemma was shaking him gently awake. He groaned and opened his groggy eyes. He looked to the screen, where credits from the movie were rolling. He looked over to Gemma.

“You should probably get up to your bed,” she said. She looked tired too.

Harry nodded and sat up. He rubbed his tired eyes and looked at his phone; still no text from Louis. Gemma turned off the projector in the room and then he followed her up two flights of stairs to get to their bedrooms. He said a quick goodnight to her before stepping into his own room and closing the door. He climbed into bed and plugged his phone into the charger. He closed his eyes, and it only took seconds for him to fall back to sleep. On the bedside table, Harry’s phone vibrated. He turned his back to it, already asleep. It was a text from Louis.

“We’re moving.”

Harry’s soft snores filled the room as he dreamt of Louis’ sweet face. His phone vibrated again, signaling the text, but he still didn’t wake. The moon shone through the window and the rain began to drizzle. The phone vibrated one more time, another text from Louis.

“We’re moving to New York City this summer.”

Chapter Text

Harry didn’t want to be obvious while looking at Sam. He didn’t want it to come off like he was staring at him or whatever. And it wasn’t exactly easy when they were sitting directly next to each other rather than across the table. But he just needed to watch his face to see what he thought of Louis. Obviously he wanted them to like each other, but he was worried that couldn’t be a reality. Harry had told Sam about his and Louis’ past, how he had been in love with him. And for that reason, Sam had already begun to show a little bit of jealousy. He just hoped that Sam would be able to get over it and see Louis for how incredible he really was.

“You were right,” Louis looked over at Justin, his mouth full, “this burger is incredible.”

“Didn’t I tell you?” Justin nodded.

Harry glanced out of the corner of his eye at Sam to gauge his reaction. He was expressionless. It was quiet for a second, and then Harry broke the silence. “Yeah, Justin is pretty much the expert on all things food.”

“Hey guys!” Harry looked over to see Nick coming towards them. “Sorry I’m late, had to chat with my professor.”

“Hey, where’s Lucy?” Justin asked.

Nick shrugged, “Dunno, she wasn’t there today.”

Harry leaned over to Louis and whispered, “Lucy is Justin’s girlfriend, she and Nick are taking a class together.”

Louis nodded before taking another bite of his burger. Justin pulled out his phone, no doubt to text Lucy of her whereabouts. Nick grabbed a menu from the side of the table and started studying it. Under the table, Sam put his hand on Harry’s thigh, squeezing slightly. Harry turned his head to look at Sam and leaned over to give him a little kiss.

“Ugh,” Nick groaned, “Can you guys get a room? We’re at lunch here.”

Harry laughed, “Sorry.”

“Also, are you gonna introduce me to your friend here?” Nick gestured towards Louis.

“Yes! Sorry, I should have done that already,” Harry nodded, “This is Louis, my best friend from high school. And Louis, this is Nick. He’s my roommate I was telling you about.”

“Harry, you’ve been talking about me? Stop, I’m going to blush,” Nick teased.

Louis giggled and held his hand out, “It’s nice to meet you.”

The conversation continued as normal, and Nick called the waitress over to place his order. Harry was suddenly very aware of Sam next to him, so he looked over at him. His face was chiseled into a small frown. One of his hands was rolled into a fist, while the other one was gripping onto his fork so hard his fingers were turning white. Harry nudged his leg with his foot. He looked over at Harry for a moment, and then quickly looked back at his plate. Harry looked away and caught the gaze of Justin, who raised his eyebrows at him.

“Hey,” Harry nudged Sam again, “Lucy told me about a new hike. Do you want to go with me today?”

“Hiking?” Sam laughed,” Yeah, no thanks.”

Harry frowned, looking down at his lap. He felt anger surge through his body, and before he knew what he was doing, he had turned towards Louis and was saying, “Fine. Louis, do you want to go with me?”

Louis looked over at him with wide eyes, “Oh? Um. Yeah. Yeah, I’d love to go.”

“Great! I get done with classes around 4:00,” Harry said, and Louis only nodded.

It was quiet and awkward as no one said anything for a few minutes. Harry didn’t dare look at Sam, but he could feel his gaze burning into his skull. Sam was furious. Justin awkwardly scraped at his plate with his fork, and Nick was glad for a distraction when the waitress came with his burger.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Sam said, forcing his way out of the booth. He stormed out of the cafe, leaving everyone in an awkward silence.

Harry awkwardly looked around the cafe, trying to avoid the gaze of his friends, who were all three looking at him, wanting him to say something. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what he had done. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to go on a hike with Louis; he did. He loved spending time with Louis, and going on a hike would be really fun. He had asked him in such a spur of the moment, though. His only objective at that moment was to make Sam jealous--to hurt Sam like Sam had just hurt him. It was stupid, he knew it was. And he didn’t know why he had done it. But it had worked. Sam was jealous, Sam was angry. Harry knew he had a fight coming.

“Well,” Louis finally broke the silence, “I think I’m going to get going.”

“Okay,” Harry sighed, “I’ll pick you up later? Just text me your address.”

Louis nodded, “Sure thing, Harry.” He then looked at Justin and Nick, “Great to have met you guys. See you later.” Harry watched Louis as he walked to the counter to pay for his food and then as he left the cafe.

Nick cleared his throat, bringing Harry’s attention back to the booth. He looked at Nick, who asked, “Okay, what was that?”

“What was what?” He asked.

“Don’t play dumb, man. What was that stunt you just pulled?” Justin frowned.

Harry sighed, “I don’t know. I just-”

Justin cut him off, “Sam is pissed right now, Harry.”

“I get tired of him always thinking my ideas are stupid or what I want to do is stupid. I was serious about going on that hike and he just laughs at me? It made me feel stupid, so I guess I just wanted him to feel stupid too,” Harry tried to explain.

“I get that,” Nick sighed, “But Harry, you can’t mess around like that when it comes to Louis.” Harry just stared at him. What did that mean? “Look, man. Just be careful.”

“Okay, I’ll be careful,” Harry brushed them off.

--

Harry pulled up in front of Louis’ apartment complex and sent him a text letting him know he was there. It took only a few moments for Louis to come out of the building and hop into the car. Harry smiled upon seeing him. He had changed his clothes since earlier. He grinned at Harry as he got into the car, closing the door and then putting on his seatbelt.

“So where’s this hike at?” Louis asked.

Harry ignored the question, changing the subject, “I’m sorry if lunch today was awkward. I really want you to be able to fit in with my friends.”

“They were nice, Harry,” Louis said, “But I’m not sure if your boyfriend is too crazy about me.”

Harry sighed, “He’s just threatened by you. I mean, you and I have this big long history. And you’re completely stunning, can you blame him? He’ll come around.”

Louis didn’t say anything in response to that. Instead he pulled out his phone and stared at it for a few minutes. He then fiddled with the air vents on his side. Harry wasn’t sure what to say, so he didn’t say anything. He drove up to the trail that Lucy had told him about. He pulled into a dirt parking lot and found a spot. He put the car in park and took off his seatbelt.

“Hopefully it’s not too muddy from the rain yesterday,” He said.

“Harry, did you ask me to come on this hike with you just to make Sam jealous?” Louis asked.

Harry sighed, “I think at first, yes? Like I knew it would upset him, and I kind of wanted him to be upset. But that wasn’t just it. Like I probably would have asked you anyway, just through text or whatever. And I really do want you to be here with me.”

“Okay,” Louis nodded.

“I’m sorry.”

Louis shrugged, “It’s okay. I mean it kinda makes me feel like a piece in a game or something. But I know it was a spur of the moment thing. I know you’re not that kind of person. And I’m glad you actually wanted to bring me along.”

Harry felt relief as he and Louis both opened their doors and got out of the car. They began the walk on the trail, chatting as they went along. It was nice to be out in nature. There was something really freeing about it. Or maybe that was just the feeling he had around Louis. He could never be too sure. Louis seemed to fit right in with the trees and flowers and beauty of the forest they had wandered into.

“Is there a creek nearby?” Louis asked.

Harry shrugged, “I don’t know, I’ve never been on this trail before. Why?”

“Just thought I could hear it.”

They kept walking. Louis somehow knew a lot about nature, and he was continually pointing out different plants and animals to Harry, who naturally had no clue about any of it. They passed by some other hikers, who Louis stopped to chat with for a few minutes. Harry stood awkwardly to Louis’ side, not really engaging in conversation with the strangers. That definitely wasn’t one of his strengths. It hadn’t been one of Louis’ in the past either. Harry thought back to when they first met. Louis was so shy at first. A lot had changed since then.

Finally, the hikers continued on their way and Louis’ attention was turned back to Harry. They kept walking as the birds sang their melodies in the distance. When they were nearly to the top, Louis suddenly stopped walking. Harry, who was looking at the ground to make sure he didn’t fall, walked straight into Louis.

“Oh, sorry,” Harry said immediately, “Why’d you stop?”

Louis closed his eyes, “Do you hear that?”

Harry held his breath for a moment, trying to hear whatever it was that Louis could hear. Nothing. He closed his eyes. Still nothing. “I don’t hear anything,” he admitted.

“Huh,” Louis opened his eyes again. “I thought I could hear water again.”

Harry shrugged, “There’s probably a river nearby. Let’s keep going.”

Louis nodded, starting to walk again. Harry tried again to listen for the water, but he just couldn’t hear anything. Deciding to let it go, he followed Louis up the last few steps of the trail. It was so steep, he felt like he was about to die. Louis, of course, didn’t seem to have a problem with it. Harry, not wanting to seem weak in front of Louis, tried not to breathe too hard or too loud. Louis was waking pretty fast, and though Harry was able to keep up with him, he might have preferred to go a little bit slower. He didn’t say anything, though, because he wanted Louis to think that he was perfectly capable of this. Louis looked back at him to make sure he was still keeping up, and Harry noticed a small bead of sweat rolling down the side of Louis’ face. So maybe it wasn’t all that easy for him after all. Now that they were getting closer, Harry noticed that he could hear water too.

“Almost there,” Louis said.

Harry let out a laugh, “About time.”

When they finally reached the end of the trail, Harry bent over, trying to catch his breath. Louis disappeared into the trees, where the sound of water could now be heard distinctly. After a few minutes, Louis appeared again, and he beckoned to Harry to follow him. Harry ducked under a tree to follow Louis back through the forest. After a few minutes of walking, they came to a river. Louis looked back at Harry with a grin. They followed the river until they found a pretty good sized waterfall.

“I knew I heard a waterfall,” Louis exclaimed.

Harry nodded, “You heard it right away.”

There were a few people in the water by the waterfall, talking and laughing. Harry grabbed his phone from his pocket in order to take a picture of the waterfall. He snapped the shot, and looked to Louis.

“Wanna go for a swim?” Louis asked

Harry laughed at first, but then he realized Louis wasn’t kidding, “Wait, seriously? I didn’t bring swimming trunks.”

“Just go in your underwear,” Louis said.

“Then I won’t have any underwear.”

Some of the people in the water must have been listening to their conversation because they butted right in. “Oh people skinny dip here all the time. It’s really not a big deal.”

Louis looked over at Harry with a grin.

Harry sighed, “I don’t know…”

“Come on!” Louis whined, “it’ll be fun!”

Harry kept a straight face for only a second before he broke out into a smile, “Oh, alright.”

So it was settled. Louis pulled off his shirt, and then his shoes and pants. Harry watched him, almost entirely naked. He didn’t know how to feel about what might happen next.

Louis looked up at him, “Don’t get too excited over there, Curls. I’m leaving my underwear on.”

Harry coughed, embarrassed, and then looked away from Louis, pulling off his own shirt. “Did you just call me Curls?”

Louis shrugged, “Yeah, do you mind?”

“No,” Harry smiled. He took all his clothes off until he was left just in his underwear. He debated with himself whether to leave them on or not. On one hand, he didn’t really want them to get wet. But on the other hand, he definitely didn’t want to expose himself to all of these people, especially not Louis. 17 year-old Harry would have killed for the chance, he thought to himself. “Turn around, Louis.”

“Huh?”

“Turn around,” He commanded, “I’m taking off my underwear and I don’t want you to see anything. Turn around until I get in the water.”

Louis laughed, turning around like Harry had asked. Harry quickly took off his underwear and stepped into the river. It was cold, but not so cold that it shocked his system. He waded in until the water went to about his waist.

“Okay.”

Louis was quick to join him in the water, and he was also quick to complain. “It’s freezing cold!” he shrieked.

“What are you talking about?” Harry laughed, “It’s a little chilly, but it’s not cold.”

“Shut up. Just let me complain, okay?” He frowned at Harry.

Harry only laughed, and the two of them made their way further into the river until they were at the waterfall, where all the other people were. Louis walked right under the waterfall, letting the stream of water take over all of his senses, completely surrounded. Harry walked through the waterfall, and found a small cave on the other side of it. No one was in the cave, and it was really peaceful. It was much warmer in here, hidden behind the protection of the waterfall.

Pretty soon, Louis found his way into the cave. “It’s warm in here.” His voice was echoed and a little distorted.

“Yeah, it is,” Harry agreed. They sat in the cave for a little while. “It’s romantic in here, don’t you think?”

Louis looked over at him with wide eyes. “Yeah, it is.”

Harry sighed, “Wish Sam would have agreed to come with me.”

Oh. Louis looked away.

--

When Harry got home, Nick was sitting on the couch, eating something. Harry greeted him, “Hey.”

“Hey, how was your day?” Nick asked.

Harry smiled, hanging his keys from the nail by the door. “It was good. Yeah, really good.”

“Cool.” Nick took another bite of his food. Harry sat down next to him. “Sam is super pissed at you, by the way.”

Harry groaned, tossing his head back, “Great.”

“I don’t know your situation with Louis or anything, but I know you were in love with him at one point. And I also know that Sam is absolutely amazing to you, for the most part. And he’s one of my best friends. And-”

“Wait,” Harry sat up and looked straight at Nick, “Hold on, stop. Don’t worry about it, alright? Louis and I are just friends. That’s ancient history, honestly. You know I would never jeopardize anything I’ve got with Sam, right?”

Nick sighed, “I guess. Does he know all of that? I think you need to talk to him.”

So Harry did just that. He excused himself to his bedroom and took out his phone. He called Sam, and got his voicemail. Great. So he was getting the silent treatment? He sat through the greeting before leaving a message.

“Hey baby, it’s me. Guess you already know that, though, which is why you didn’t answer the phone. Look, I’m really sorry about earlier today. That wasn’t cool of me to do. I know me using Louis against you is really unfair, and I’m sorry. Can we please talk about it? If it’s not too late, do you want to come over? Wanna let you know how much you mean to me. Okay? Love you, bye.”

Twenty minutes later, there was a knock on the door. It was Sam. Harry opened the door, and Sam came in. He laid down on Harry’s bed, but didn’t say anything. Harry closed his door, and turned to look at Sam. He carefully sat next to him.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Sam sat up, “You can’t do stuff like that, Harry.”

“I know.”

“All I have ever heard of Louis is how he was your first love, the one that got away, all of that. I’m not the guy’s biggest fan. I don’t mind you being friends with him, but that’s not okay.” Sam lectured.

“I know.”

“Like your boyfriend didn’t do something so you just go back to the love of your life, right? For all I know, he’s trying to make a move on you. It just wasn’t cool the way you did it. And right in front of everyone, too.”

“I know.” Sam didn’t say anything else. So Harry continued, “I’m sorry.”

Sam’s face softened towards Harry, and he put his hand to Harry’s cheek. He leaned in and kissed Harry’s lips gently with his own.

“I love you,” he sighed, putting his forehead against Harry’s.

Harry reached out his arms and brought Sam in for an embrace, “I love you, too.”

“Now,” Sam stood up from Harry’s bed. “What’s this about how you were going to show me how much I mean to you?”

--

On the other side of town, Louis sat alone in his apartment. He stared at the wall blankly, expressionless as his cat jumped onto his lap. Only one thought floated through his head. He was still in love with Harry, and he had to have him.

Chapter Text

When Harry woke up to the text, he felt as if someone had thrown a knife straight into his stomach and twisted it. He wanted to cry for the rest of his life. It took him a long time to text Louis back, and when he did, all he responded was “Oh. Okay.” Louis never responded to that.

When Harry went back to school, he sat down in English class and didn’t say a word to anyone. Mr. Ramirez greeted him, friendly as usual, but all Harry did was force a weak smile, and then he looked back down to the book he was reading. Mr. Ramirez offered him a puzzled look but didn’t say anything.

When it came time for lunch, Harry dragged his feet all the way to the auditorium, where he was the first one to arrive. He sat down in one of the seats and pulled his lunch out of his backpack. He wasn’t hungry. Niall was the next one to arrive, Emily right by his side, and they sat down by Harry.

“Hey, Harry,” he chirped.

Harry looked at him, he seemed entirely too happy. “Hey.”

Emily rummaged through her backpack for a moment before pulling out her lunch. She unwrapped the sandwich she brought and took a big bite. “Ugh, I’m starving,” she said through her full mouth.

Liam came into the auditorium through the side door. He waved to his friends sitting and stopped by the little sign-up sheet by the stage. He pulled a pen out of his backpack and scribbled his name onto the sheet. “Niall, I wanted to audition at the same time, but Tuesday is totally filled.” He complained as he sat down with the others.

“Sorry,” Niall shrugged.

Lottie walked in with some tall blonde boy holding onto her hand. “Who’s that?” Liam asked.

“Oh,” Emily nodded, “That’s Jake, Lottie’s new boyfriend.”

Liam rolled his eyes, and Niall held back a laugh. They all knew that Liam had a little crush on Lottie, though he never would have admitted it. It was so obvious, though. Unfortunately for Liam, Lottie constantly had some boy hanging off of her, and she only viewed him as her brother’s friend. As she and Jake sat down, everyone said hi to her. Lottie seemed perfectly happy and content given the fact that they were moving. Harry wondered if she knew. Louis had only just found out last night. Harry didn’t say anything, he just stared in the opposite direction of everyone, not unpacking the food he had brought for lunch.

It wasn’t until a few minutes later that Louis finally came into the auditorium. He and Harry’s eyes connected immediately, and Harry noticed that his eyes looked a little bit puffy. He didn’t say anything to anyone, not even replying to Liam’s “Hey, Louis.” Instead, he sat in his distinguished spot right next to Harry. He buried his head into Harry’s shoulder.

“You okay?” Harry asked. Louis didn’t respond but shook his head. “Do you want to talk about it?” Another head shake.

Niall frowned, “What’s going on?”

Everyone looked to Lottie, assuming that she’d know the answer. She sighed, “We found out last night that we’re moving.”

“What?”

“Where?”

“When?”

Harry frowned and wrapped his arm around Louis, who seemed so fragile. Lottie started to explain everything to their friends, and Harry wanted to cry with every word she said. He looked down at Louis, whose face was mostly hidden by his own shoulder. He watched a tear drop from Louis’ hidden face and it landed gently on Harry’s jeans, making a noticeable mark. Harry felt his heart rip itself into shreds.

He whispered to Louis, “It’s going to be okay.”

Louis only nodded, and a couple more tears dropped down. Harry wanted so badly to cheer Louis up, but he didn’t know how. He squeezed his arms tighter around the older boy who was clearly so distraught. He noticed the way Louis’ hair curved so perfectly behind his ears and at the bottom of his neck. He wanted to hold Louis like this for the rest of his life.

Pretty soon, though, Louis lifted his head, and Harry moved his arm away. He sniffled and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater. His eyes were red as he looked at Harry. “Sorry.”

Harry shook his head, his eyebrows pulled together in concern, “Please don’t be sorry.”

“You’re really leaving then?” Liam asked, looking over at Louis.

Louis nodded, “Yeah, I guess so. Have until August and then we’re out of here.”

“You have to audition for the play then, Louis. Go out with a big bang!” Niall exclaimed.

That was the first time Louis had smiled in hours, “Yeah. Guess I’ll sign up.” Louis stood up and walked over to the sign-up sheet by the stage. Harry watched his every move.

“Hey,” Lottie smacked Harry’s arm, “Hey, Curls I’m talking to you.” She always called him that.

“Huh?” Harry snapped out of his trance, looking over to Lottie. “Sorry, what?”

“Are you gonna eat your sandwich?” She asked.

He looked down at his sandwich. “Uh, no.” He handed it to her, “No, you can have it.”

She thanked him before turning back to Jake to talk to him. Louis turned from the sign-up sheet and started walking back towards his friends. He wiped his eyes one more time. He sat down next to Harry and finally grabbed his lunch to eat. He looked over to Harry.

“Do you wanna do something tonight?”

“Are you sure?” Harry asked.

“Yeah,” Louis nodded, “I want to spend as much time with you as possible before I have to go.”

“Okay, yeah,” Harry agreed. “What do you want to do?”

--

That night, Louis and Harry were laying on a couch in Harry’s theater, watching some love story that Harry had chosen. It was Friday night, so Louis would probably be spending the night. Louis was eating popcorn on one side of the sofa while Harry was laying down on the other side. He could feel his eyelids growing heavy. He closed his eyes, not to go to sleep, but just to rest them.

“Hey, Harry,” Louis said. Harry looked over to him. “Come and cuddle with me.” Harry didn’t hesitate to float from his spot over to Louis and wrap himself around him. Louis was warm, and he smelt good. Harry laid his head on Louis’ shoulder. “Hey,” Louis got his attention again.

When Harry looked at Louis again, Louis leaned forward and kissed him. Harry reacted instantly, kissing the boy back. It felt natural and normal, and he was completely on cloud nine. He wrapped his arms around Louis, trying to take in every single second of what was happening.

Louis pulled gently on Harry’s hair, and ecstasy rolled through his entire body. Louis cupped his cheeks and pulled away, letting his lips brush gently against Harry’s.

“Harry,” he said, but it sounded foreign and distant.

“Harry, wake up,” Louis said, shaking Harry awake. Harry opened his eyes wide, looking right into the blue pools of Louis’ eyes. He was confused.

“Huh,” he groaned.

“Wake up, I’m starving to death.” Louis said.

“Was I asleep?” Harry asked.

Louis giggled, “Yeah, Haz. Come on, let’s get some food.”

Harry sat up, his head was foggy. He rubbed his eyes and stood up. Louis was already halfway up the stairs, and Harry followed him, his thoughts racing. He flipped on the light switch and opened the fridge. “What do you want?” he asked.

“I don’t know, what do you have?”

“Uh,” Harry shuffled through some things, “Leftover pizza, cottage cheese, pickles.” Louis wrinkled his nose. Harry closed the fridge and opened the pantry door. “Cereal, Ramen noodles, granola bars.”

“Wait, what kind of cereal do you have?” Louis asked.

Harry gestured for Louis to come and look. Louis looked at all the options before grabbing the box of Reese’s Puffs. He grabbed a bowl from a cabinet and the milk from the fridge. As he poured it into the bowl, Harry was staring at him so intently he wondered if he was going to obliterate or something.

“Why are you looking at me weird?” Louis asked, grabbing a spoon.

“Huh?”

“You’re being weird. Do you want some cereal?” he sat down at one of the stools at the counter and pushed the cereal box towards Harry.

Harry shook his head. He sat down next to Louis, still looking at him. He was perfection incarnate. His hair was messy from laying on the couch, and his cheeks had a slight reddish hue to them. With each bite of cereal, his jaw pulsed. Harry couldn’t tear his eyes away.

“You’ve seriously got to stop,” Louis frowned, “I can’t eat with you staring at me.”

“Sorry,” Harry breathed, looking away.

Harry couldn’t stop thinking about his dream. He wished it had been real. He wanted to tell Louis about it, but he was scared. Scared that Louis would think it was weird. Scared that Louis wouldn’t want to be friends anymore. Scared that Louis would laugh at him. He was scared. So he didn’t say anything.

“I think we should go somewhere,” Louis said.

“Go where? It’s 11:00 at night,” Harry asked, looking back to Louis, who shrugged and took another bite of his cereal. “I’m kind of tired anyway.”

“Oh, Sleeping Beauty, I noticed,” Louis teased, “But that’s exactly why we should go somewhere. Wake you up.”

“But it’s night.”

“But- but- but nothing. Come on, we could both use some cheering up,” Louis pouted at Harry.

“Okay, fine,” Harry gave in. Louis grinned at him.

“Great, I know just where to go! But we need to stop at my house first.”

So that’s what they did. Harry, not wanting to wake his mum or Robin, opened and closed the door as quietly as possible. Gemma was still out, so he wasn’t too worried about it. They climbed into Louis’ car and off they went. When Louis pulled up to his own house, he unclicked his seatbelt. “I’ve just got to grab something, I’ll be back in a second.” Harry nodded, and Louis ran inside.

While he waited, Harry opened the compartment between the seats to see what Louis had in there. There was a bunch of change, a thing of matches, a pair of gloves, and a keychain that Harry had given him. Harry smiled to himself. There was also a note in the car that had a phone number on it. Harry picked that up, and his smile almost immediately turned into a frown. Some girl had probably given him her phone number, and he still had it. He put it back and closed the compartment. He sat still until he could see Louis again.

Louis came back holding a big brown paper bag. He opened his door and gave the bag to Harry. He sat down in the driver’s seat and started driving while Harry looked through the contents on the bag. He pulled out a bottle.

“Is this alcohol?” He asked.

“Yeah,” Louis grinned, “My dad always keeps it locked up, but I hid some earlier.”

“Where are we going?”

“Don’t worry, we’re just going to this apartment complex my dad owns,” Louis explained. “Nobody will be there.” Harry wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He never knew that Louis’ dad owned an apartment. Louis kept driving, and Harry didn’t say anything. Luckily, the drive wasn’t long, and before he knew it, Louis was turning into a gated neighborhood. He rolled down his window and put in the pin. He looked at Harry. “I’m not supposed to know the passcode, but the idiot made it his own birthday.”

Harry laughed at that. Louis drove a little farther into the neighborhood before pulling into a parking space and putting the car into park. He and Harry got out of the car, Harry still holding the bag. Louis guided Harry into the building and to the elevator, where he pushed the button, and they waited. Once on the elevator, the elevator music drove Harry nuts. They walked through the hall until they reached room 436, and Louis grabbed a set of keys from his pocket that Harry knew weren’t his own to unlock the door. Louis turned on the lights, and Harry put the bag down on the counter of the apartment. It was just a studio, not very big at all, but it was still nice.

Louis took a look around the apartment. He looked through the drawers and in the fridge. Harry was confused by the behavior, but didn’t say anything. “Alright, let’s crack open a bottle then,” Louis said, taking off his jacket and throwing it onto the bed.

Harry hesitated, “Are you sure? I mean we aren’t old enough.”

Louis rolled his eyes, “Harry, don’t be such a prude. Live a little.”

Harry frowned. He wasn’t a prude. He had drank before, but only wine at parties and events that his mum and Robin put on. He’d never had anything stronger than that, and he had certainly never been drunk. He didn’t think Louis had either, but maybe he was wrong. Louis grabbed a bottle from the bag, opened it up, and took a swig. He shut his eyes tight as he swallowed and then looked at Harry, who didn’t know what to say or do.

“Just have a drink, Harry. It’s not going to kill you,” Louis handed him the bottle.

He grabbed it and brought the bottle to his lips. He hesitated for a moment before tilting his head back and taking a drink. He almost choked as the vodka traveled through his mouth and into his throat, his eyes watering. Louis was hiding behind a smile as he took the bottle back from Harry again.

It didn’t take long for the two of them to be completely wasted. Both were lightweights and hadn’t drank a whole lot before tonight. They were sitting on the couch, just talking.

“Lottie’s happy we’re moving. She doesn’t like it here,” Louis said.

Harry frowned, “But you can’t leave.”

“I don’t want to,” Louis sighed, “but we have to.”

“You’re 18 though,” Harry argued, “You can stay if you wanted. Live with me or Niall or Liam.”

Louis smiled sadly, “I can’t, Haz. I’ve gotta go with them.”

Harry felt himself about to cry, “I can’t live without you.”

Louis leaned forward and embraced Harry in a big, warm hug. He didn’t let go for a long time, and both of the boys sat there in tears. Harry hiccupped mid cry, which just made him cry even more. Louis couldn’t go, not without knowing how Harry felt about him. Harry had to tell him. It was now or never; he knew he would never be brave enough to admit his feelings ever again. He pulled away from Louis, trying to psyche himself up. But then.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Louis asked.

Harry nodded, “Of course.”

Louis nodded, and looked away from Harry. He swallowed loud and then looked back to him, “I’m not supposed to even know that this apartment exists.”

Harry frowned in confusion, “What do you mean?”

“We’ve got this family group chat,” Louis began to explain, “and we all sent our locations to each other in it so that we would all know where everyone is just to be safe and stuff. Well, I like to check where everyone is sometimes just for fun. And my dad kept popping up in this location that I didn’t recognize. I asked Mum about it, and she didn’t know, she figured it had something to do with work or something, I don’t know. I had a weird feeling. So one day I followed him. I guessed the passcode pretty easily, had to make sure he didn’t see me. And I parked where he wouldn’t see me. And he got out of the car and met this woman, and they kissed. And then they came into the building.”

“Oh, Louis,” Harry sighed. He could see the pain on Louis’ face.

“I couldn’t follow them from there, but I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to confront him, but I had to figure out if he was really having an affair. So one morning when he was in the shower, I got his phone. His passcode is his birthday on there too. He really needs to come up with a better pin. Anyway, I found all these texts between him and a woman named Jill. Their texts back and forth were vulgar, and it was confirmed. And then I found her on social media. She’s married too. And the worst part is when I asked Mum if she knows anyone named Jill, she said Dad’s got a coworker named Jill. ‘Very lovely woman’ she said, ‘Her and I have gone out to lunch several times.’ I felt so sick. So I’ve been following him here almost everyday for the past month. Who knows how long it had been going on before I found out. Everyday they meet, Harry. In this sick little apartment. This is the first time I’ve been inside.”

Harry felt so bad for Louis, but he didn’t know how to help. “Does your Mum know?”

Louis shrugged, “I dunno. I didn’t want to tell her. I mean I wanted her to know, but I couldn’t bear to be the one to tell her. I think she knows, though.”

“Really?”

Louis nodded, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes, “They told us that we’re moving because Dad got a new promotion. But when I got to your house today, Robin told me he was sad to hear that my Dad had requested to be reassigned. Why else would they lie to us?”

“Louis, I’m so sorry,” Harry hugged Louis again. Louis broke down in Harry’s arms. He began to sob uncontrollably, Harry had never seen him like this before. He seemed so broken. Harry just held him as he writhed in pain, and he began to cry with him. “I’m so, so sorry. I had no idea you were going through any of this.”

Louis looked right into Harry’s eyes, “You can never tell anyone.”

“I swear I won’t,” Harry promised.

Louis hugged Harry again, still whimpering, “I love you, Harry.”

“I love you, too,” Harry closed his eyes, “So much more than you will ever know.”

--

Louis and Harry decided it wouldn't be a good idea for either of them to drive back to Harry’s house, so they called an Uber. They had had an extremely emotional time at the apartment, and they both just wanted to get to Harry’s and go to sleep. They paid the Uber driver and hopped out of the car. They stumbled into the front door. Upon entering the house, Gemma was sat on the couch. Harry was filled with fear immediately, he was going to get caught.

“Hey,” she said. She looked at them a little closer. They were a mess, barely able to walk with teary eyes and red faces, “What happened to you two?”

Harry didn’t know what to say, so he said the first thing that came to mind, “We got chased by a bear.”

Louis nodded, “Yeah, it was really scary. But we survived. We made it out alive.”

Gemma squinted at them, “You’re drunk, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Louis admitted immediately.

Harry elbowed him in the stomach, “Louis!” Louis clutched his stomach in pain and then elbowed Harry back.

Gemma laughed, “You two are idiots. I’m not going to tell on you. Hurry and go to bed before you wake them up. Drink lots of water, take Aspirin!”

“Goodnight, Gems!” Louis smiled as Harry dragged him upstairs to his room. When they got in Harry’s room, Louis stripped all the way down to his underwear and got in Harry’s bed.

Harry frowned, “Why do you get the bed?”

“Because I got here first, and I’m sick of sleeping on your floor,” Louis said. Harry started changing into his pajamas with a sigh, “You don’t have to sleep on the floor, though. I don’t care if we share the bed.”

“Are you sure?” Harry asked.

Louis looked up at him and nodded, “You’re my best friend.”

Harry smiled to himself and crawled into the bed next to Louis. He could feel his heart beating out of his chest. Even though they were at least a foot apart, Harry could feel the heat radiating from Louis’ body. He wanted to cuddle with Louis, but he knew he probably shouldn’t. He turned off the lamp, laid his head down, and closed his eyes.

“Hey Curls,” Louis whispered.

“Hmm?”

“Thank you for everything. Sweet dreams.”

“Goodnight, Lou.”

Chapter Text

“The problem with the bite,” Dr. Miller explained, “is that the person who’s been bitten may not even realize it until it’s too late. One minute they’re fine and the next, they’re out with a fever.”

Harry rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone. He texted Nick, “This class is a joke.”

Nick responded with a laughing emoji, and Harry closed out of the chat. Another message from Nick popped up that said. “I ran into Louis on campus today. I think he’s coming to lunch again today, do you think Sam will be mad?”

Harry opened the keyboard and let his thumbs sit idly for a minute. He honestly wasn’t sure if Sam would be mad. They had talked about it a lot in the last few days, and Harry had assured Sam that he didn’t need to worry about Louis. But knowing Sam, he might always be jealous of Louis no matter what. He finally responded “Guess we’ll find out at lunch.”

“Mr. Styles,” Dr. Miller called him out, “is there something more important than class right now?”

Yes, Harry thought to himself. Your class is literally the worst. But he didn’t say that. He shook his head, “No. I’m sorry, Dr. Miller, I’m paying attention.”

“Please see me after class, Harry. As I was saying,” Dr. Miller proceeded. Harry didn’t last 30 seconds before he was zoning out. His phone vibrated, but he ignored it.

When class was finally over, Harry packed up all his things. He nervously made his way to the front of the classroom to face Dr. Miller.

“Harry,” Dr. Miller sighed, “Is everything okay? You are normally so engaged in class.”

Harry had to hold back a laugh. He had never been engaged in class. Not this class, at least. “I’m sorry, Dr. Miller. Truth be told, I am a little distracted. I have some things going on in my personal life.”

Dr. Miller nodded, “I thought so. It’s okay to have things come up occasionally, but please pay attention in class.”

“I will, I’m sorry,” Harry swallowed hard. He took a step back. “It won’t happen again.” Dr. Miller nodded and looked away.

Harry turned and started to walk out. Dr. Miller said, “Have a good weekend, Harry. See you on Monday.”

“Thank you, sir. You too.”

When Harry finally escaped, he let out a big breath. He looked up to see Louis standing in the hallway. Louis grinned at him and offered a small wave.

“Louis! Hey, what are you doing here?” He asked.

“I walked to campus today, and the lunch place is kinda far, so I was hoping I could catch a ride?” He asked.

Louis was wearing a shirt with a deep V neck. It showed off his collarbones perfectly. Harry’s breath got caught in his throat, and he nodded. “Yeah. Sure. Fine.”

Louis smiled. They walked together out to Harry’s car, making chit chat. Louis’ hand was swinging painfully close to Harry’s own hand. He increased the distance between them just a little bit. It seemed lost on Louis, who, without thinking, stepped closer to Harry. Harry swallowed hard. Finally they got to the car.

As the car pulled into the parking lot, Louis looked at Harry, “Thanks for letting me be a part of your friend group.I swear no one is as nice and inclusive as you.”

Harry smiled a small smile and looked over at Louis, “You did the same for me.”

Louis grinned at that. That rare grin that he didn’t show too often. When he did, Harry erupted with butterflies. He opened the door and got out of the car, Louis one step behind him. When he walked into the cafe, Sam was already sitting at the booth. His face lit up when he saw Harry, and he waved. It didn’t last long, though, as Louis walked in behind Harry. Sam’s face fell, Harry would have been the only person in the world to notice it. Harry felt a pang of guilt.

He sat down next to Sam, who pulled him close and kissed him. Harry normally would have objected to such a thing in public, especially in front of Louis, but he felt bad, so he went along with it. Louis slid awkwardly into the seat across from them. He lifted up the menu to cover his face, which was bright red.

“How’s your day been, baby?” Sam asked.

“Okay,” Harry shrugged, “Got in trouble in class today.”

“You didn’t tell me that,” Louis interjected.

Sam had to resist the urge to glare at Louis, “What happened?”

“The idiot Nick was texting me, and my professor called me out in front of the whole class.”

“Speak of the devil,” Sam gestured to the door, where Nick was walking in. He stopped at the counter to flirt with the waitress, which Harry rolled his eyes at. Nick flirted with anything that walked, that was a universal truth. Once he had his mind set on something, he wouldn’t give up. A while ago, he had decided that he had to get a date with one of the waitresses here. He was constantly striking out, but Harry had to give it to him, he was a trooper. Sam laughed, grabbing Harry’s hand on the top of the table. Harry interlaced his fingers with Sam’s and finally opened the menu.

“I don’t know why you still look at the menu. You get the exact same thing every single day,” Sam said.

“What?” Harry exclaimed, “I do not.”

“Yes you do. You get the French toast with a side of cantaloupe and extra syrup.”

Harry frowned, “Yes, I usually do get that. But not every single day.”

Louis giggled from across the table, “He used to order exactly that every single time we went to IHOP in high school.”

“Harry,” Sam laughed, “You need to expand yourself a little bit occasionally.” Louis nodded in agreement. Harry wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction of replying to them, so he just looked at the menu. Sam looked over to Louis, “So, what’s your major?”

Harry smiled to himself. If making fun of him was going to be the thing that brought Sam and Louis together, he wasn’t going to complain. He didn’t interrupt as they made their small chat. Sam was doing this, trying for Harry. He squeezed his hand as a little thank you. Pretty soon, Justin and Lucy were at the booth involved in the conversation. Harry kept quiet. Nick was still talking to the waitress. Didn’t she have a job she needed to do?

When a different waitress finally came over to get their orders, Harry squeaked out, “I’ll have the French toast, please.”

“Mmhmm,” Sam hummed beside him.

“What’ll you have as your side, hun?” She asked.

“Cantaloupe, please,” Harry said, “And can I have extra syrup?”

“Sure,” the waitress scribbled the order down and then looked to Sam to get his order. Harry looked over at Louis, who teasingly raised his eyebrows a few times.

“He’s been over there a long time,” Justin said, looking towards Nick.

“Maybe he’s finally doing it,” Harry suggested. The whole table erupted into laughter over that.

“Good one, Harry.” Sam said. “Hey, guys, I was going to tell you. There’s going to be a party on Friday at my place.”

“Sick!” Justin exclaimed.

Lucy’s eyebrows drew together, “Since when are you the type of person to host a party?” she asked. Harry wanted to know the answer to that too. Sam went to the occasional party, but Harry never would have thought he would be the one hosting it. It didn’t seem like something he’d be interested in. Having to set up, entertain everyone, and then clean up? Yeah, that was not like Sam.

“I know,” Sam smiled, “but Kent has this girl that he really wants to impress, and I told him that I’d help throw a party so he can talk to her.”

Ohhhhh. Harry looked to Louis, “Kent’s Sam’s roommate.” Louis nodded. “Sounds cool, what time is it going to be?”

“We’re thinking 6:00. But we don’t have any idea what we’re doing so can some of you come over a little early to help out?”

Justin and Harry made eye contact over the table. None of them knew anything about how to throw a party. Not a cool one at least. Harry had only attended one college party when he was a Freshman, and it had been so chaotic that he never went to another one again. All he knew was that there should probably be a lot of alcohol. Was there more planning that needed to be done beyond that?

“I can be there,” Harry started, “but I don’t really know anything about parties.”

“Same,” Justin said.

Lucy rolled her eyes, “You guys are pathetic.”

“At least one of you knows what you’re doing,” Sam gushed, “Lucy, you’re my saving grace.”

“Sorry, Sam. I’m not going to be able to make it. I’m going home tomorrow morning for the weekend.”

“Seriously? So I’m just out of luck here?”

“Sorry. If it was any other weekend. We’re going to look at wedding dresses.”

Harry perked right up about that. He loved all things weddings. “Oh my gosh, Lucy. How have we not talked about this before? What kind of dress are you going to get?”

As Harry and Lucy talked, Nick finally made his way over to the table. He had a big smile plastered onto his face. He slid into the booth right next to Harry, who was too engaged in his conversation with Lucy to pay him any attention. Sam raised an eyebrow at him.

“I got her number,” he finally said.

“Nice, man.” Louis smiled.

“Oh hey, Louis,” Nick returned the gesture, “Glad to see you made it.”

“Nick, I’m having a party tomorrow night.” Sam announced.

“Sweet,” Nick exclaimed, “that’ll be perfect to bring Lexi to!”

“I need you to come early and help me prepare. You’re the only one out of these idiots who knows anything about parties,” Sam gestured towards Justin and Harry.

Nick frowned, “No way, dude. I can’t be involved in the set-up. I have to bring Lexi as a date and pretend I’m just casually invited.”

“Come on,” Sam pleaded.

“No,” Nick shook his head, “Look, you know how hard I’ve been trying with this girl.”

Louis finally spoke up, “I can help, Sam.”

Sam looked taken aback, “You can?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, “I went to my fair share of ragers during my undergraduate. It’s really not as hard as you might think.”

Harry’s conversation with Lucy was finally over, and he looked over at the conversation happening next to him. Sam grinned at Louis, “Sick. Let me text you the address, what’s your number?”

As Louis gave him the number, Harry turned to Nick, “I got in trouble for texting you in class.”

“Why were you texting Nick?” Justin asked, “He’s like the least cool person I’ve ever met in my entire life.”

Lucy laughed as Nick got all offended, and Harry answered, “He’s the only one who understands the torment I feel in Biology twice a week.”

The conversation continued as such for the rest of lunch, and it was very pleasant for everyone, even Sam and Louis. The waitress came back with all their food, and to take Nick’s initial order. As Harry took a bite of cantaloupe, Nick whined about them ordering their food without him, to which Lucy smacked him on the arm and reminded him that he had been too busy flirting with the waitress. He smiled to himself at that.

Louis was quiet for most of the conversation, but interjected here and there. Everytime he spoke, Harry’s friends gave him complete and absolute attention, and Harry knew that they had accepted him into their little group. Even Sam seemed to be okay with his presence, and Harry was glad that they were getting along. Lucy ranted about how she and Justin were supposed to go to a wedding cake tasting soon, but she was on a diet to trim down for the wedding. Nick graciously offered to go in her place, and she smacked him on the arm again.

Finally, they had all finished eating and it was time to get back to the real world of classes and work. Sam kissed Harry goodbye as he and Louis walked back to Harry’s car. He offered Louis a little wave, and said “See you tomorrow to set up the party.” to which Louis smiled and said “See you then.” As everyone parted ways, they all had a little bubble of excitement regarding the party, and they couldn’t wait for the night to come.

--

Harry must’ve put on five different outfits by now. He frowned at himself in the mirror. He wanted to look good for the party and for Sam. The two of them had been having sort of a rough patch lately, and he just wanted to impress Sam every chance he got. He sighed, not sure if a jacket would make the outfit any better.

He went into Nick’s room, “Hey, do you think this outfit would be better with or without the jacket?”

“Put the jacket on,” Nick said. Harry obliged, “Yeah, I like the jacket.”

“Okay, thanks,” Harry said, turning to leave.

“Hey,” Nick called out. Harry turned around, “Do you think Lexi wants to go to this party?”

Harry shrugged, “She agreed to come, didn’t she?”

“Yeah, I guess. But what if she’s just being nice?”

“Come on, Nick,” Harry shook his head, “she’d be crazy not to like you.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. I mean, if you were gay-” Harry grinned, “I’d be all over that.”

Nick laughed, “Thanks, man.”

“See you over there.”

Harry left his apartment and headed down to his car. The party still didn’t start for a little while, but he wanted to be at least a little bit early to help with anything last minute that Sam might need. He knew that Louis was probably already over there. He hoped that he and Sam were getting along okay. They probably were. Why wouldn’t they? Even if they didn’t really like each other, surely they would be civil enough to be mature about it.

Luckily for Harry, that did end up being the case. They were getting along perfectly when he arrived, talking and laughing together. It almost made Harry feel uncomfortable how well they were getting along. Sam’s apartment was a lot bigger than he and Nick’s, mostly because there were four of them living there rather than just two. Harry went into the kitchen to drop off the bag of chips that he had brought. There was so much alcohol, he was shocked. He walked back to the living room, where Louis and Sam were trying to figure out a karaoke machine.

“Karaoke, huh?” Harry asked.

Louis looked up and nodded, “Necessary for every party.”

“Need my help with anything?” Harry asked.

“I think we’ve basically got it,” Sam answered, twisting some knobs on the machine, “Thanks, Harry.”

“Okay,” Harry said it to himself more than anyone else. He awkwardly took a step back and sat on the couch by Kent, Sam’s roommate. “Hey.”

“Hey, Harry,” Kent smiled, taking a drink from the cup he was holding.

“So,” Harry started, “Who’s this girl you’re throwing an entire party for?”

Kent laughed, and Harry noticed the way his entire face lit it. “She’s great. Her name’s Raina.”

“Cool,” Harry answered. Before he could say anything else, a knock came from the door.

“Ope. Let me go get that,” Kent said, standing up.

Pretty soon, the entire apartment was filled with people talking, mingling, and dancing. Nick was too busy with Lexi to hang out with Harry. Sam was nowhere to be found, always talking to new people and trying to be a good host. Justin was with Harry, but he was being a real drag. “This party would be so much better if Lucy was here.” He said. Harry sighed. He wondered where Louis was. He did the rounds, looking for him. He saw him in the kitchen, chatting away with someone. He grabbed a cup of beer that was sitting on the counter and took a big gulp. He was not really having fun. Eventually, he made his way back to the couch by Justin, who was still sulking. It didn’t take long for everyone to start getting into a circle, and Harry didn’t know why.

“We’re playing spin the bottle,” Sam finally appeared, “Want to play?”

“Isn’t that a game high schoolers play?” Harry asked.

Sam rolled his eyes, “Come on, Harry. Just play, it’ll be fun.”

Harry agreed finally, and he and Justin pulled themselves into the circle. Justin looked at him, “Do you think Lucy will be mad at me if I play?” Harry shrugged. He hesitated for a minute and then backed up. Sam gave him a questioning look, “I just don’t think Lucy’d want me to play.” Harry looked around at the circle. Louis was diagonally across from him. Sam was directly across from him, and when he looked up, he winked at him. Nick and Lexi were nowhere in sight. Harry recognized some of the others, but he didn’t really care about them much.

The game really wasn’t all that fun. Someone spun the bottle, they kissed the person it landed on, and so forth. When it was Sam’s turn and he kissed someone, Harry was only slightly annoyed. He knew it was just a game. Finally, it was the turn of a girl that Harry didn’t recognize. She spun, and to his surprise, the bottle landed on him. He felt like he was blushing as he stood up and she kissed him. It was a quick kiss, he wondered if she was embarrassed too. She left Chapstick residue on his lips, and after he sat down, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. The next person went, and the bottle landed on Harry yet again.

“Alright, everyone, stop trying to steal my boyfriend,” Sam laughed. Harry tried not to roll his eyes as he stood up again for another kiss. This kiss was a bit longer. Harry wanted to pull away, but the girl just kept on kissing him. Harry heard Sam’s voice again, “Alright, that’s enough.” Finally, she pulled away and smiled at him.

He was grossed out. He wiped his mouth again and wanted to brush his teeth. The game kept going, and thankfully, the bottle didn’t land on him again. When it was Louis’ turn, the bottle landed on the guy that was sitting right next to Harry. Louis came over and kissed him. It was short, which Harry was glad of. For whatever reason, he didn’t want Louis kissing anyone in this circle. He didn’t like this game.

When it was finally Harry’s turn, he grabbed the bottle with apprehension. He didn’t want to kiss any of these people. They were all gross, and they had all been kissing each other. One of them could have mono for all he knew. But he had to do it. He spun the bottle, hoping it would land on Sam.

It didn’t.

The bottle started to slow down, finally stopping. Time seemed to stand still as Harry looked to see who was on the other side of the bottle. His mouth went dry as he locked eyes with Louis, who looked shocked. He wasn’t sure what to do.

“Seriously?” Sam exclaimed. Harry’s eyes shot over to him.

Louis stood up, “it’s just a game.”

“Yeah,” Harry choked out. He stood up as well. Each step of his way to Louis felt like a mile, and he could feel every single pair of eyes in the room pounding down on him. He finally got to Louis, whose eyes were sparkling.

“Alright, Curls?” Louis asked, the familiar charisma dripping from his voice.

Harry’s stomach erupted in butterflies as he leaned in and kissed Louis. Louis seemed frozen for a moment, unsure if it was okay to kiss back or not. The moment was fleeting, though, and pretty quickly, he was kissing Harry back, his fingers lightly gripping onto Harry’s waist.

After a few seconds, Harry knew he should pull away. He wanted to pull away. But his body wouldn’t let him. He felt Sam’s gaze upon him, but his body was working faster than his brain, and he felt on fire. He didn’t realize when his hands tangled themselves into Louis’ hair.

Finally, painfully, they pulled away from each other. Harry didn’t want to face the reality that was waiting for him. He stepped away from Louis, who was staring at him so intently that he could have died. He didn’t dare look at Sam, so he kept his gaze on Louis, who’s hand was only now dropping from his own body.

Harry heard Sam say, “We’re not playing anymore.” And then he disappeared. It was quiet as Harry finally ripped his eyes from Louis and ran after his boyfriend.

Chapter Text

Harry stared out the window, watching each drop of rain roll down, making its own unique mark. He had finished his math homework a little while ago, and now he was just waiting for something else to fill his day. When he heard a knock on his door, he looked up and said, “Come in.”

It was Gemma. She peaked her head in at him. “You’ve been up here a while. Everything okay?” Harry only nodded. “Why don’t we go out, you and me? It’s the weekend, have a little fun.”

Harry thought about it for a minute. He turned his head back to the window. He saw a lightning bolt near the mountains. When he didn’t say anything, Gemma sighed. She walked further into his room. He knew she was going to ask him what the matter was, and he didn’t want to talk about it. Everything was the matter. He was in love with his best friend, who had no idea. Not only that, Louis would be moving across the entire country. Harry so desperately wanted to spend the day with Louis. But Louis was at rehearsal’s for the school play. He had gotten the lead. Niall and Liam had both gotten parts in the play, too.

Louis had wanted Harry to audition with him. Even if Harry didn’t get an acting part, he would have been asked to help with something else. Louis said it would be a fun way to hang out together, and with Liam and Niall. It just wasn’t something Harry had been interested in doing. He wished he would have now, though, because he missed Louis so much. For the past week, Louis had to go to rehearsals right after school, and that’s where he was right now, too. The only time Harry really got to see Louis was during Lunch. And even then, he had been going over all his lines.

It wasn’t fair. Harry only had a few months left with Louis, and he was wasting his time by not being able to be around him. Why did Louis even have to audition for the stupid play in the first place? He knew it wasn’t Louis’ fault that it was so demanding, but it still annoyed him. Harry knew that it was an unreasonable request for him to take up all of Louis’ time and energy, but he wanted to. He didn’t want Louis to do anything unless he could be right there with him. He wished he had realized that before the boy had been torn away from him.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of Gemma’s voice again, “You know. When I was a senior in high school, I was dating that boy, Ryan, you remember him? Well, when we graduated, he went all the way across the country to go to college. And I cried. It felt like a piece of me was leaving.”

“So?” Harry rolled his eyes.

“So,” Gemma continued, “I had to deal with it. And then he dumped me. And that was the worst thing my 18 year old self could imagine. But I survived, and now I don’t even think about that guy.”

Harry frowned, “Well, that was just some stupid boyfriend.”

“I loved him.”

“Okay?”

Gemma sighed, “Harry, I know how much you love Louis.”

“He’s my best friend,” Harry said, getting annoyed with Gemma and her stories.

“That’s all?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t believe that at all.”

Harry jumped up onto his feet, “What do you want me to say, Gemma? Yes, I’m so in love with Louis that it hurts. My every thought consists of him, and every second I spend away from him just has me wishing that I was with him. I’m so irreparably gone for him. But he’s not even gay, Gemma. He’s not gay, and even if he were, he would never be with me. And I have to spend all of my time with him trying to tell myself to not have feelings because he’s never going to have them back. I tell myself that he doesn’t need to have them back because as long as I get to be part of his life, that’ll be enough. But I don’t even get that anymore! He’s leaving, and he’s never coming back. And my heart hurts all the time because I will never get to be with him, and there will never be anyone else like him.”

Harry was exasperated and on the verge of tears when he finished his speech. Gemma’s eyebrows were pulled together, “Harry, why don’t you talk to him?”

He shook his head, “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“He has so many other things to deal with right now,” Harry cried, “He has the stupid play, and he has to worry about college applications. He has his sisters to help take care of, the move to worry about, school in general. Not to mention the affair.”

Gemma’s eyes widened, “Wait what?”

Harry slapped a hand over his mouth, “Forget I said that.”

She shook her head, “What affair? What are you talking about?”

Harry gulped, “You can’t tell anyone.”

“I swear I won’t.”

Harry nodded, “Louis’ dad is having an affair. Louis has been following his dad to this apartment building, where he meets up with a woman he works with.”

“Does his mum know?” She asked.

Harry shrugged, “Dunno. Louis thinks she might know, but he doesn’t want to confront her.”

Gemma held her hand delicately over her mouth, “I can’t believe it.”

“Gemma, you can’t tell anyone. I shouldn’t have even told you,” Harry sniffled, guilt immediately filling his entire body.

“I won’t,” she promised.

She sat on his bed for a minute longer, silence filling the air between them. Harry’s phone vibrated, so he grabbed it. It was Louis. “Gonna get done today at like 2:00. Wanna do something?” He quickly texted back “Of course. Come to my place?” Louis affirmed the plans, and Harry looked back to Gemma.

“Please talk to him,” she urged.

“I’m scared.”

“I know,” she nodded, “but he needs to know. Even if it changes the dynamic of your relationship, you need to tell him.”

Harry nodded, “Okay, I will.”

She smiled and stood up, “You’re a good kid, Harry.”

--

When there was a knock on the door shortly after 2:00, Harry ran down to get it. As he expected, it was Louis. He looked upset as he came in. Usually, they would have gone upstairs to Harry’s room, but Louis walked right past the stairs and to the backdoor, where he opened it up and went out. Harry followed him cautiously. He stood under the protected part of the patio, staring at the rain. Harry stood behind him, wondering what he was doing. Louis went to take a step, but Harry stopped him.

“You’re gonna get drenched,” he said.

Louis just ripped his arm away from Harry and stepped out into the rain anyway. Harry, still protected from the rain, watched as the form of Louis’ hair disappeared and it fell flat on his head, curving down onto his neck just a tiny bit. He took off his backpack, and placed it where it would stay dry. He then sat down in the grass, getting his clothes soaking wet. Harry frowned. What was he doing?

“Do you want me to leave you alone?” Harry asked. Louis only shrugged.

Harry snuck back inside and watched Louis through the window for a minute. He was just sitting there, staring at nothing. Harry was confused, and worried. He tore his eyes away from Louis finally and went to the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of water and went back to the window. There was no change. Harry finally decided to go out to Louis. He walked out into the rain, his own hair immediately going flat too. Louis was entirely soaking wet now. He sat down next to Louis, who glanced over at him. Harry handed the bottle of water to Louis, who carefully took it from his hand.

“Thank you,” he squeaked.

“Louis, what’s going on?” Harry asked. “Did something happen?”

Louis nodded, “I don’t want to talk about it, but yeah.”

“Okay,” Harry said, “I’m here for whatever you need.”

Louis nodded once again, but he didn’t say anything. He opened the water and took a long drink. After screwing the cap back on, he put it down in front of him and wiped at his eyes. Harry noticed the tears in his eyes. Even compared to the rain that was dripping down the side of his face, they were filled with heartache. Harry wondered desperately what had happened. He wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what. He just wanted to be there for Louis.

Louis looked over at Harry and then laid his head down in Harry’s lap. Harry’s breath caught in his throat, and he struggled to keep his composure for a minute or two. His hand instinctively wrapped itself around Louis, and he gently scratched Louis’ back. They stayed like that for a few minutes.

“Louis,” Harry whispered, “Can I tell you something?” Louis sniffled, nodded, and sat up. Now was his chance. “I-”

“Wait, I need to sneeze,” Louis interrupted him. He sneezed and then looked at Harry, “Okay, what is it?”

Harry looked straight at Louis’ eyes. They were full of so much hurt and so much confusion. Harry couldn’t confuse him even more. “Nevermind.”

Louis frowned, “No, what were you going to say?”

Harry swallowed hard and closed his eyes. “I-” he paused, “I told Gemma about your dad.”

“What?” Louis gasped.

“I’m sorry, I-”

“Harry, why would you do that?” He raised his voice, starting to stand up.

Harry stood up with him. “I didn’t mean to. I was ranting about things and it just came out.”

“You were ranting?” Louis yelled, “It’s not your thing to be ranting about! It doesn’t even affect your life!”

“It’s affecting you, which affects me.”

“Harry!” Louis burst into tears, “I told you not to tell anyone about that!”

“I’m sorry,” Harry offered desperately.

“You’re the only one who’s supposed to know. You were supposed to be the person I could trust with that,” Louis buried his head in his hands, crying even more.

Harry felt defeated, “You can trust me!”

Louis shook his head, “No, I can’t.”

Harry winced, his chin beginning to tremble. “Louis, please forgive me.”

Louis sat back down on the ground and pulled his knees to his chest. He began sobbing, burying his head into his knees. Harry squatted down next to him, crying as well. Thunder boomed from above, and the rain started coming down even harder. Harry covered his face with his hands, unsure what to do. He couldn’t believe he had messed up so bad. He was so stupid. He looked back at Louis. “I’m so sorry. Do you want to leave?”

When Louis finally looked up at him, his eyes were unbelievably red. “No,” he said, “I want to stay here.”

Harry was glad for that at least. He stood back up. Louis stayed on the ground, in a fetal position. Harry felt so guilty. He wiped his eyes. “I really am sorry.” Louis didn’t respond.

Figuring he should leave Louis alone for a little while, Harry made his way back into the house. Robin was in the kitchen, and Harry knew he’d be in for it.

“Harry, come on,” he sighed, “You need to stop going out in the rain. You’re ruining the floors.”

“Sorry,” Harry forced the word out of his mouth, but he didn’t mean it. He went quickly upstairs to his bathroom, trying not to get too much water everywhere. He wasn’t very successful.

He tripped over his own clothes, trying to get them off in the bathroom. He turned the shower on and threw the wet clothes into the hamper by the wall. He got in the shower and immediately sat on the ground. How could he have been so stupid? He didn’t want to tell Louis that he had feelings for him because it might have upset him. So instead he told him that he had told his sister his biggest secret. How stupid was that? He felt like an idiot and a jerk. He was both of those things, he knew it. He hoped Louis was okay.

Deciding he needed to actually wash himself, he stood up and continued on with the rest of his shower. He felt so much water dripping down his cheeks. He wasn’t sure if it was from the shower or if they were his own tears. While in the middle of shampooing his hair, the light turned off. Great. Fear crept into him as he began to wash the remaining shampoo from his hair. He felt around the wall until he found the knob, and he turned the shower off. He opened the curtain with wide eyes, but it didn’t help anything-- he still couldn’t see.

He grabbed his towel, ran it over his hair a few times and then wrapped it around his own waist. He opened the door to the hallway, where he could finally see a little bit. It was still a little bit of dark, but there was some light coming in through the windows. He walked past Gemma’s room, and she was lying on the bed.

“Hey, Harry,” she called out, “Did you tell him?”

“Did the power go out?” He asked, ignoring her question.

“Yeah,” she laughed, “horrible time to be in the shower.” He offered her a snide, sarcastic smile and continued towards his own room. “Wait!”

“I’d like to get dressed if you’ll allow me,” he snapped at her.

“So I guess telling Louis didn’t go well.”

“Gemma, would you shut up?!” He yelled, “I didn’t tell him, okay? Instead, I told him that you know about his dad and now he’s pissed at me. So would you just stay out of it?”

Louis stepped out of Harry’s bedroom, “Tell me what?”

“Louis,” Harry took a step back. Gemma’s mouth dropped open. Louis had changed into some of Harry’s clothes. His hair was still wet and his eyes were still red.

“You can get dressed,” Louis said, emotionless, “I’ll wait out here.”

“Uh, y-yeah. Um,” Harry stuttered, “O-okay.” He walked past Louis into his room.

His heart was pounding uncontrollably as he threw on the first clothes that he saw. He put a little bit of gel into his hair and stared at himself in the mirror. What situation was he in now? Louis knew that he was hiding something from him, and he knew that Louis wouldn’t relent until he knew what it was. He opened the door, and Louis looked up at him.

“What do you need to tell me?” He asked, closing Harry’s door. Harry just stared at him, dumbfounded, “Why don’t you want to tell me whatever it is? Is it something bad?”

“No!” Harry answered immediately and then took a deep breath. “I want to tell you. It’s just that it’s going to change everything between us. I want to wait until you aren’t mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you,” Louis’ eyes softened. “Well, I am a little bit. But I’m mostly just mad at the world.”

“Why?”

“You know why,” Louis looked away from him.

“I do know why,” Harry admitted, “but I still want you to tell me.”

Louis offered him a puzzled look, “Why?”

“Because I like listening to you,” Harry said plainly.

Louis' lips curved into the smallest smile, and he grabbed Harry’s hand. “Come with me,” he said.

Harry’s legs stumbled behind his hand that was being led by Louis. He took them back outside, but he didn’t go into the rain this time. Instead, they stayed under the covered portion of the patio. Louis turned on the radio that was sitting outside, and he turned it to the love song station. Ella Fitzgerald’s Moonlight in Vermont was playing over the speakers. Louis came back to Harry and grabbed his hand again. He twirled himself using Harry’s arm.

“What are you doing?” Harry asked through a smile.

“I know you know how to dance,” Louis said.

Harry nodded slowly and then took Louis’ other hand in his own. His brain was frozen, unsure what to do now other than exactly as Louis told him. Louis wanted to dance with him? He tried not to let his happiness show itself too much upon his face. He didn’t understand Louis. He twirled Louis slowly before bringing him back to his chest.

“We’re dancing,” Harry said out loud. He didn’t know why he said it. He didn’t say it to Louis necessarily, and he didn’t really say it to himself either. He just said it to make it real. Louis laid his head against Harry’s shoulder and nodded.

“Dance with me and pretend the world doesn’t exist,” he pleaded.

They swayed back and forth for a few minutes. And then without thinking, Harry spoke. “Louis, I’m in love with you.”

Louis stopped in his tracks, “What?”

Harry cleared his throat, “And I know that you don’t see me in that way. I know this might change everything. But I needed you to know.”

Louis let go of Harry and took a step back. “You’re in love with me,” he said matter of factly.

“I’m sorry if that’s weird,” Harry looked down.

“It’s not weird,” Louis said quickly. Then he added, “How do you know?”

Harry was taken aback by the question. He shrugged, “I don’t know. A bunch of little things at first. But now…”

“You’re all I think about,” Louis finished the sentence for him.

Harry looked at Louis.

“Yeah.”

Louis didn’t say anything.

Harry’s heart began to beat faster than it already was. He frowned, “Well?”

Louis sighed, “I don’t know what you want me to say, Harry.” Time was frozen as Harry blinked his eyes, taking a step back. Rejection. Humiliation. Then Louis spoke again, “I’m going to do something. But I don’t want you to think it means anything.”

Harry frowned in confusion, “Okay.”

“Close your eyes,” Louis commanded.

Harry closed his eyes. Was Louis going to kiss him? No, that couldn’t be. His palms were sweaty as he interlaced his fingers, pulled them apart, and intertwined them over and over again. What was taking so long? He wanted to open his eyes to see what Louis was doing, but he was scared. Pretty soon, Louis grabbed his hands. Harry became fidgety and filled with butterflies, but still nothing was happening.

“Louis, what-” he began but then he felt Louis’ hand on his cheek. He closed his mouth as shivers ran up his spine. Louis leaned in and kissed him square on the lips before pulling right away. The kiss had lasted less than 3 seconds. Harry’s eyes shot open. Louis was looking at him with as much shock as Harry imagined he must be feeling.

Harry cleared his throat once again, “Did you learn what you wanted to?”

“I’m not sure,” he admitted.

“Well,” Harry said hesitantly, “you could always try again. You know, if you want.”

Louis laughed, “You’re so stupid.”

And he kissed him again.

Harry placed both of his hands against Louis’ cheeks, leaning into the kiss. He took in everything about Louis right now. The texture of Louis’ lips, how soft they were, the sound of Louis’ nostrils flaring to breathe desperately, the taste of Louis’ lips, still salty from his tears. His thumbs rubbed against Louis’ jaw bone, taking in the exact feeling and structure. He could have written ten thousand poems describing the grandeur of this moment, and it still wouldn’t have been enough to adequately describe his feelings.

Their noses bumped awkwardly as their heads moved ever so slightly. One of Louis’ hands had found its way to the back of Harry’s neck, pulling him closer, while the other one laid softly against his chest, seeming to hold the distance between them steady. He pulled lightly on Harry’s hair, causing Harry to melt, and his hands pulled Louis even closer to himself.

Louis finally pulled away for the second time, leaving Harry’s lips tingling. He slowly opened his eyes to reveal a red-faced Louis. Louis licked his lips and then buried his face in his hands for the 3rd time of the day. Except for this time, he was laughing. He looked back up at Harry.

“I think that I love you too,” he said slowly.

“You do?” Harry asked.

“I think so?” He said, unsure.

“You think so?” Harry repeated.

Louis laughed, “Don’t worry. I’m not not in love with you.” Harry tilted his head, “I love you. I’m just confused.”

Harry frowned, “I’m confused too. Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t straight?”

“I really don’t know,” Louis admitted, “When you told me you were gay, I thought about telling you that I was too, but I wasn’t ready. And then I almost told you on my birthday, but Lottie wouldn’t leave.”

“Lottie doesn’t know?” Harry asked.

“Harry,” Louis paused, “nobody knows. Well, Mum and Liam know, but other than that, no one knows.”

“Oh.”

“And I don’t think” Louis frowned, “that I want anyone to know.”

Harry felt his heart fall. He couldn’t blame Louis for not being ready, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. He wasn’t really out either. His whole family knew, and his group of friends, but it wasn’t general knowledge that he was gay. He was scared to let the entire world know, especially because of different experiences he had had. He didn’t know what to say or do.

“I’m sorry, Harry,” Louis said. Harry knew he meant it, because he could barely get out what he said next. “Can we just stay friends?”

Harry nodded. Inside, he was breaking. But he couldn’t let Louis know that. Friends. They were going to be just friends. He could do that. He’d been doing it all this time. “Just, um. Just forget any of this ever happened.”

Louis shook his head and reached his hand to touch Harry’s cheek again, “Harry, I want it to have happened. I need it to have happened, and I know you do too.” Harry blinked and a tear fell from his eye. He sniffled, pulling himself away from Louis.

He looked away from Louis, “I don’t… want... to be… just friends.”

“I need you to be okay with that right now,” Louis said, “Maybe for not a very long time, but-”

“You don’t understand,” Harry accused.

“Yes, I do,” Louis said in a tone of voice that made Harry listen. “Just because I didn’t say anything doesn’t mean that I haven’t felt the exact same way as you. Harry, you know how much I have going on right now. I can’t put figuring out my identity on my plate right now. It’s not fair for you to ask me to do that. Just give me a little while, okay?”

Harry knew Louis was right. “I’m sorry,” he offered.

“Can we just watch a movie or something and not think about it?” Louis asked.

He could do that. Harry agreed, and they went back inside. The power was back on by now, and they walked downstairs, where Gemma was already there and watching Pretty Woman. Harry and Louis sat down next to each other, like everything was normal. Harry reached to grab a blanket and threw it over them. He didn’t know what was going to happen next. He was terrified. But he knew he and Louis would end up okay. He situated himself under the blanket. He smiled to himself when Louis grabbed his hand underneath the blanket.

Chapter Text

Harry tried to open Sam’s door, but it was locked. He knocked. Nothing. He knocked again. “Sam, please let me in, I know you’re in there.”

He opened the door, glaring down at Harry. A knot formed inside Harry’s stomach and started twisting into itself. Sam looked so angry that smoke could be coming from his ears. He stared at Harry, waiting for him to say something. But Harry wasn’t sure what to say. “What?” Sam snapped.

“Please don’t be upset,” Harry pleaded, “I had to do it for the game.”

Sam laughed, “More like you got to do it because of the game.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Harry felt himself getting upset now.

“You just loved that, didn’t you? You couldn’t wait for that to happen.” He accused.

Harry’s jaw dropped. “Are you really saying that to me right now?” Sam just laughed again and rolled his eyes. “I didn’t even want to play, you wanted me to play. I’m sorry that the bottle landed on Louis, but that’s how the game works!”

“It’s not about the fact that you had to kiss him,” Sam sneered, “I’m not an idiot, Harry. I saw the urgency.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Harry was dumbfounded. Yes, maybe the kiss was a little longer than it should have been. And yes, maybe he enjoyed it. That didn’t mean it meant anything. “I love you, Sam. I’m dating you. I’m at this party for you. I played the game for you. I’m in here talking to you. Don’t you believe that?”

“You don’t get it, do you?” Sam sounded defeated. He turned from Harry and sat down on his bed. Harry didn’t dare move a muscle. Sam looked at him again, with so much anger, and said, “You’ve probably been sleeping with him since you reunited.”

Harry felt dizzy as the words hit him. His stomach dropped. “Do you really think that?”

“Yeah, I really do.”

Tears filled Harry’s eyes as he felt his heart break in two. “You’re wrong.” He turned from Sam’s room, and once he was out of sight, he grabbed onto the wall for balance. He began to cry, his chest heaving up and down. Every direction he looked, the room was spinning. He saw people in the distance, but he couldn’t make them out. He needed to get out of there. He stumbled forward until he ran straight into someone. It was Nick.

“Woah, Harry, watch it,” he joked. Then he saw Harry’s condition, “What’s wrong? What happened?”

That just made him cry even harder. He hiccupped from the alcohol he had been drinking all night. All he could choke out was, “Sam.”

“What did he do?” Nick asked, grabbing onto Harry’s arm to help him balance. Lexi, Nick’s date, was standing awkwardly to the side. She looked concerned, but truthfully, she had no idea how to help.

“I kissed Louis,” Harry said, and Nick’s eyes widened. “No. Back up. We were playing spin the bottle, and I had to kiss Louis.”

Nick nodded. He understood. “So now he’s mad?”

Harry nodded and let out a sob, “He thinks I’m cheating on him.”

“What?” Nick squinted his eyes, “I’m your roommate. I would know if you were cheating on him, and you’re definitely not.”

“Tell him that?” Harry asked.

“Okay,” Nick nodded. “I’ll talk to him. Go home, go to sleep. We can talk about it tomorrow.”

Harry walked from Nick and fought through the crowd to get to the front door. Everyone was so preoccupied with themselves that they didn’t think twice of Harry. He had to shove past almost every person, getting a drink spilled on himself in the process. The person holding it didn’t even seem to notice anything had happened. Harry felt claustrophobic. As another person bumped into him, he couldn’t breathe at all. He felt panic rising in his body, and he just kept crying even more and more. He pushed himself forward, fighting the crowd. Finally, he got to the door, which he opened quickly.

Finding himself finally alone, he began to sob. He sat down with his back against the wall and hung his head low. He felt so miserable. Why did Sam think he was sleeping with Louis? He wasn’t, and he would never do something like that. If he didn’t want to be with Sam, he wouldn’t be. They had been over this so many times in the last few weeks. He didn’t understand why Sam couldn’t just trust him. He would never understand it. The door opened again, and then closed. Harry knew someone had come out, but he didn’t even bother lifting up his head to see the person. He knew who it was.

Louis sat down next to Harry and softly asked, “Harry, are you okay?”

He shook his head, “He thinks we’re sleeping together.”

Louis frowned, “I couldn’t count myself lucky enough for that.”

Louis wrapped his arm around Harry for comfort, but Harry leaned away from the gesture, “I don’t think you should get too close right now.”

“Oh,” Louis whispered. He pulled his arm back, “Okay. I understand.”

Harry sighed, “I didn’t mean for you to get all tied up in anything.”

“I know.”

Harry nodded, “I think I should go home.”

Louis stood up and offered his hand to help Harry up, which Harry accepted. “I can give you a ride if you want. You’ve probably had too much to drink to be driving.”

“Okay,” Harry agreed.

The drive to Harry’s apartment was quiet other than music playing softly. Harry stared out the window, the occasional tear still rolling down his cheek. Louis hummed along with the music, quiet enough that he thought Harry might not hear it. He could hear it, though, and it was comforting. It was little things like that which made Louis so endearing. Probably only someone like Harry would even care about that.

When they finally pulled up to the complex, Harry turned to Louis, “Do you want to come in?”

“What about Sam? Do you think that’s a good idea?” he asked.

“No,” Harry said, “but I want you to.”

“Then I will.”

So he did. As soon as Harry unlocked the door, he headed for the couch. As Louis closed the door and slipped off his shoes, he looked nervously around the room. It dawned upon Harry that Louis had never been inside the apartment before. He looked over to Harry, unsure what to do.

“You can come sit down if you want,” Harry offered.

“Do you have a kettle?” He asked. “I’d like to make you some tea.”

“In the kitchen,” Harry answered. “Don’t know where it is, I never use it. Nick and I aren’t really the tea-drinking type of people.”

Louis laughed and disappeared into the kitchen. There was clattering for a minute until it seemed that Louis had found the kettle, and then Harry heard the sink turn on, and then off. Louis came back a minute later. He sat next to Harry, but not too close. He knew he should probably keep his distance. In fact, he probably shouldn’t have come in at all in the first place. It was his fault that Harry was in this situation. But then again, he didn’t really care. He would do anything to spend more time with Harry. Plus, Harry desperately needed someone to comfort him right now and to be there for him, and Sam wasn’t really accomplishing anything there. He had been the one to make Harry so upset. What did he know and who did he think he was? Harry would never cheat. Louis knew that, and he felt upset that Sam didn’t seem to know it. Harry hadn’t done anything wrong. He had been completely loyal to Sam.

He glanced over at Harry, who was just staring straight in front of himself. He cleared his throat, “He’s going to forgive you, Harry.”

Harry turned his head, “How do you know?”

“Because if he lets you get away, he’s going to regret it for the rest of his life.” Louis answered and then looked down.

Harry was about to reply, but the kettle whistled from the kitchen, and Louis had jumped up to get it. Instead of replying to what Louis had said, he yelled into him “I think there’s some tea in the third cabinet from the right.”

After a second, Louis replied, “Got it.”

Harry grabbed his phone, hoping that there would be a text from Sam apologizing. Of course there wasn’t. There probably never would be. Harry felt guilty, though. He wasn’t totally sure why. He hadn’t really done anything wrong. But he knew before he even kissed Louis that Sam didn’t want him to. He probably shouldn’t have done it. Putting his own pride to the side, he brought up his messages app. He typed up a whole paragraph about how he wished the night would have gone differently and how he would never cheat on him. He felt stupid, though, so he deleted the entire paragraph.

Louis came back into the room holding two cups. Harry typed out, ‘I’m sorry for how tonight turned out. I love you.’ and he sent it. Louis handed him one of the cups, which he graciously accepted. He took a sip, the taste filling his mouth. He watched as Louis sat down and took a sip of his as well. He looked to Harry over the cup, his eyelashes kissing his own cheeks.

“My tea never turns out this good,” Harry admitted.

Louis’ smiled, “Well I learned from the best. I miss Mum’s tea.”

“Mm,” Harry nodded, “That’s right. She made us drink it every night.”

Louis laughed, “Yeah. She still does that whenever I go home.” His smile lasted for a moment before his face fell into a sad frown. Harry remembered what he had told him about her. He felt his own expression falter as well. Louis took another drink.

Harry grabbed the tv remote and pushed the power button. He pulled up Netflix. He scrolled through a few titles before finally stopping on The Walking Dead. He looked over to Louis, “Is this okay?”

Louis nodded, “Yeah, it used to be one of my favorites.”

“I have to watch it for homework.”

Louis burst out laughing. “Really?” When Harry nodded and laughed with him, he added, “Who is this professor and how is he getting away with teaching about zombies in a Biology class?”

“I want to know the same thing,” Harry giggled.

Louis pursed his lips and took another drink of his tea. Keys jangled from outside the apartment and the door swung open, revealing Nick and Lexi. She was all over him and then she pulled him inside the apartment by his hand. He was all over her too, until he noticed the present company. Nick opened his eyes wide at Louis and Harry on the couch.

“Hey, you made it home,” he said. Lexi ran her hand up his arm, “Yep, okay.” He tore his eyes from Harry and guided Lexi by the hips into the hallway. Harry heard him say, “It’s this one,” and then his door closed.

Louis looked at Harry with his mouth in the shape of an O. Harry had his eyebrows raised, and they both laughed. Harry laid his head back and groaned, “Ugh, that should have been me tonight.”

Louis looked away, “Sorry I blew it for you.”

“It’s okay,” he shrugged, “I mean it sucks. But it’s not your fault.”

“It’s completely my fault,” Louis argued.

Harry frowned and shook his head, “It’s Sam’s fault. He’s the one that wanted to play the game, and he’s the one that got upset. But it was obviously meaningless.”

“Yeah,” Louis said quietly. He put his cup on the table. “I think I’m going to get going.”

“Oh, okay,” Harry nodded. “Thanks for the ride and everything.”

“You’re welcome,” Louis smiled, opening the door. “See you soon.”

After Louis left, Harry turned off the tv. He grabbed the two cups and took them to the sink. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey that was hiding under the counter and took a long drink. He heard giggling coming from Nick’s room as he passed it, and he closed the door to his own room behind him. He was melancholy and confused as he undressed himself for bed. He didn’t bother putting his clothes in the hamper, opting instead to throw them right onto the floor. His future self wouldn’t thank him much for that. He lazily hopped into his pajamas before stretching.

When his phone rang, he was surprised to see that it was Sam. “Hello?”

“Harry,” Sam breathed, “I wasn’t sure if you would answer.”

“Why wouldn’t I answer?” Harry asked, “Some of us answer our phones even when we’re upset.”

Sam ignored that comment. “Look, I really don’t want to end the night how it ended. Can you come back over?”

“No.”

“No?”

“Literally, no. I’m drunk, and I don’t have my car,” Harry said plainly.

“Well, can I come over then?” Sam asked.

Harry sighed, “I don’t know. It’s been a really long night, and I don’t have the energy to fight. I just want to go to sleep.”

“I don’t want to fight,” Sam said. “I know what I said to you tonight was really bad, and I’m sorry.”

“I’m going to bed, Sam,” Harry said, “I don’t care if you come over, but I’m going to bed.”

“I’ll be there soon.” And then he hung up.

Harry didn’t care enough to stay up for him. Sam had a key to the apartment, so he could get in if he wanted. He put his phone down and crawled into bed. Even if Sam wasn’t there to fight, Harry didn’t have the energy to talk about what had happened. He just didn’t. He was only about half asleep when the door to his bedroom opened. He heard Sam sigh, and he felt the blanket lift up as Sam crawled into the bed with him and wrapped an arm around him. He instinctively snuggled up next to him. Sam kissed him on the forehead lightly, whispered a quick “I love you,” and then laid his own head down. Harry fell asleep quickly after that.

--

Rain was falling outside as Harry woke up to the smell of strawberries. He sat up in his bed and tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes. He looked over to see Sam peacefully sleeping beside him. Harry knew he'd gotten up and taken a shower though. The bathroom light was on. He yawned and pushed all the blankets he pulled to his side in the middle of the night onto Sam. He made his way to the bathroom and unbuttoned his pajamas to use the toilet. Smiling when he saw that Sam had drawn a smiley face on the fogged up mirror, he splashed his face with water from the faucet. As he left the room, he made sure to turn off the light, making a mental note to lecture Sam about that later.

When he got back to the bed, he looked at Sam’s sleeping face. He wished their fight last night had never happened. He felt guilty and his head was groggy. He wasn’t sure if that was from all the crying or the alcohol. Wandering to the kitchen, he grabbed a painkiller and dry swallowed it. He cringed as it went down his throat. Nick was always telling him that he shouldn’t dry swallow pills, but he never listened. He truthfully didn’t really care. He discovered the source of the strawberry scent when he saw a candle burning on the counter. He watched the flames flicker for a minute or two before he heard the sound of someone clearing their throat behind him. He whipped himself around to see Nick.

“Morning,” he said, “Lexi still here?”

“No, she had an early shift,” he shrugged, “We’ll probably do something later.”

Harry smiled at him, “Off to a good start it seems.”

“A very good start,” he laughed. Then he changed the subject. “So Sam is here? Did you guys make up?”

“I think so?” Harry wasn’t sure, “We didn’t talk or anything, but he was so affectionate when he got here. It was actually weird compared to how he normally is. You know he never apologizes.”

“I know,” Nick agreed, “Well that’s just what I like to call the Nick Method.”

“So you did talk to him?”

“Harry, you were a blubbering mess. Of course I talked to him.”

Harry blinked. “What did he say?”

“Well,” Nick started, “he was upset obviously, but he didn’t mean anything he said. He’s insecure when it comes to Louis, understandably.” He opened the fridge and got out the carton of eggs.

“Why understandably?” Harry threw his hands into the air, “What makes everyone think I’m going to run away with Louis?! We’re just friends.”

“I wasn’t there, so I can’t really speak to this,” Nick said, cracking an egg into a pan on the stove, “but Sam felt like that kiss you had with Louis was a lot more than a kiss. He could be biased, you know. So I asked Justin, and he felt like there was something there as well.”

“It was just a kiss,” Harry asserted, “I never would have done it if it weren’t for the game.”

Nick pursed his lips, “I know. Bringing him home may not have been the idea.”

“Shh!” Harry hissed, “I don’t want Sam to find out about that. I was drinking so he offered me a ride, and I asked him to come to keep me some company, that’s all.”

“I believe you,” Nick assured. “I’m not sure Sam would, though. I won’t tell him.”

Just then, Harry heard the sound of his bedroom door opening. Sam was up. The kettle was still on the stove, so Harry filled it up with more water to make tea. He wanted to get back into drinking it. Nick kept scrambling his eggs as Sam came into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes. His hair was still a little wet from when he showered a little earlier. Nick chirped out a greeting.

“Has anyone made coffee yet?” He asked.

Harry turned toward him, “I’m making tea.”

“You’re so British,” he teased. Then he kissed Harry.

“I’m literally trying to make breakfast,” Nick complained, pretending to gag.

“Can we talk?” Sam asked Harry.

Harry nodded, “Yes, but we only have a few minutes until the water is done.”

As they started walking towards Harry’s room, Nick piped out, “I’ll get the water.” Harry closed the door behind him and Sam and sat on the bed. Sam had made the bed and put Harry’s clothes in the hamper. Sam sat cautiously next to him, seeming scared to get too close, which was ridiculous considering the fact that they had slept in the same bed last night and that they had just kissed. Harry tried not to let it bother him. He told himself that Sam was just nervous for the conversation. That was probably true. Harry himself was nervous too.

“I’m sorry for kissing Louis,” he blurted out, not giving Sam the chance to start the conversation. He continued, “Even though it was part of the game, I shouldn’t have done it considering the history.”

“I’m sorry for overreacting so much when it was just a game,” Sam lamented.

Harry pulled his eyebrows together. He had forgotten just how cruel the things Sam had said to him were. The alcohol had tricked him into thinking that it was just a little fight, but it wasn’t. It had been more than that. He looked at Sam, “You thought I was sleeping with him. And you told me you were serious.”

“I was really angry,” Sam admitted. He shifted uncomfortably where he sat, “I mean, it was a really passionate kiss you guys had. I don’t think you’re sleeping with him.” Harry paused to think, and Sam added, softly, “Although, I have thought it could be a possibility.”

“What?” Harry cried, “Why are you saying this? There is nothing going on between us. That was our first kiss since he’s been back here.”

Sam closed his eyes and then repeated what Harry had said, “Since he’s been back here.”

“Sam,” Harry reached his hand out and laid it on Sam’s leg, “Louis and I do have a history, yes. But I love you. I’m not going to cheat on you. Please trust me when I say this.”

Harry felt drained in every way possible. He couldn’t keep having this same conversation with Sam over and over again. At some point, Sam needed to learn to trust him. He didn’t know why everyone was jumping to their conclusions when nothing had even happened, and he wasn’t planning on anything happening either. He understood Sam’s concern. He really did, but he couldn’t keep going on like this. Something had to give.

“I want to trust you,” Sam’s face contorted, “I’m just really scared.”

“Hey,” Harry scooted closer to Sam. So close that they were practically squished right against each other. He took Sam’s face in his own hands, “I’m scared too. I don’t want you to leave because you think I’m going to do something or because you think I’ve already done something. I’m not going to.”

“Do you promise?” Sam asked.

“I swear,” he gushed, bringing Sam in for a kiss.

Sam melted into Harry’s arms, his eyelashes fluttering against Harry’s cheeks as they kissed. Harry wanted to say everything he felt through the kiss. He wanted to assure Sam that everything was going to be fine through the kiss. He wanted to prove himself through the kiss. But no matter how hard he tried, there was some sort of disconnect between himself and Sam. He pushed through it, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend, who was desperately kissing him back. He pushed Sam down onto the bed, his hands held steady at his chest. Sam laid his head back as Harry kissed his neck, trying to prove something, anything.

“Eggs are ready,” Nick called from the kitchen. They ignored him, devouring each other instead.

A small part of Harry wished it was Louis he was kissing. That part of him had always existed, it probably always would. It had laid dormant for quite some time, but it had been activated. Harry himself wasn’t even aware of it, he had pushed it so far back into his subconscious mind that it would take something major for him to even notice it. But he had been bitten, and the poison was spreading rapidly. It was only a matter of time before it overtook every single molecule of his entire being.

Chapter Text

At this point, it would seem that things might have been awkward between Louis and Harry, given the fact that they had both confessed their feelings for each other and nothing had come of it. It wasn’t awkward, though. If anything, it was less awkward than it had been before, if that was possible. At lunch, Louis was weirdly always in need of touching Harry in some way. Whether it was brushing his hand as they exchanged food items or having his knee constantly touching Harry’s knee. Harry wasn’t complaining. He felt the need for them to be touching, too. When Louis wasn’t touching him, he wished that he was. Their friends didn’t seem to think anything of it, they had always been like this to a certain extent. Now it was almost subconscious, though. In the way that when Louis was practicing his lines with Niall, his fingers innocently touched Harry’s underneath their jackets.

But that was only at school. They hadn’t hung out one on one since the kiss, and it had been two weeks. Part of it was Louis’ busy schedule. The other part of it was that they were both terrified of what was going to happen next. Harry was embarrassed at the way he had nearly demanded that Louis and he become more than friends, and he didn’t want to bring it up again in fear of upsetting the boy. But at the same time, he desperately wanted to know where Louis stood on the subject. It was all very upsetting to him.

On January 30th, Louis skipped into the auditorium during lunch with a devilish grin on his face. He was accompanied by Liam, who was ranting about something regarding one of his classes. Harry, who had been chatting away to Lottie, stopped speaking mid-sentence to look up at their entrance. That was the thing about Louis: every single time he entered a room, he naturally demanded all the attention, without even meaning to. All eyes were immediately on him without him having to even do anything. Harry cleared off the seat next to him, awaiting Louis to come sit next to him.

Instead, he sat by Niall and Emily.

Harry frowned, disappointment settling down into his chest. Louis hadn’t even said hello to him. He watched as Louis leaned into his conversation with their friends, and then he turned back to Lottie. She was on her phone, not paying any attention to anyone or anything. He watched as Liam, who was sitting on the other side of Louis, pulled out his lunch. Harry felt left out of the group.

“Lottie, come here,” Louis announced, calling her over “I need you to tell these guys something.”

She stood from her spot by Harry and wandered over to the rest of the group, leaving Harry all alone. Harry shrunk into himself. Why were they leaving him out? He wanted to go over and join them, but he didn’t want to be annoying since they didn’t directly tell him that he could join. He pulled out a book: The Scarlet Letter. He had to read it for class. He tried to bury himself into the book in order to ignore his friends, but when he heard them giggling, he was hit with overwhelming sadness.

He threw the book down onto the ground and stood up. He shimmied himself out of the seats and left the auditorium, passing his giggling friends on the way. He felt their eyes on the back of his head as he left, but he didn’t dare look back at them. When he got out of the auditorium, he stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. He was angry that they would leave him out of their conversation, especially because he hadn’t even done anything. He leaned his body against the sink in the bathroom. Luckily no one was in the room with him. He felt his eyes threatening to cry, so he bit the insides of his cheeks hard in order to prevent it. He was in there for a few minutes before the door opened up, and Niall came in.

“There you are,” Niall exclaimed, “We were all wondering where you disappeared to.”

“Oh really?” Harry replied sarcastically, “You were all so concerned with my whereabouts, huh?”

Niall frowned, “You stormed off.”

“Yeah, because you were all excluding me from your conversation!” he cried.

“We didn’t mean to,” Niall argued.

“Whatever, Niall,” Harry sighed, leaving the bathroom.

He went back and forth for a minute or two whether he should go back in the auditorium or not. All his stuff was in there so he would have to eventually. Maybe he was being a little bit dramatic. But maybe he wasn’t because they had all really hurt his feelings. Just yesterday, everything had been fine. What changed since then for them all to not want Harry part of their conversation? He didn’t know. But where else was he going to go?

With only a little bit of reluctance, he opened the door of the auditorium and went inside. He walked slowly back to his seat and sat down. He picked up his book again and started reading. Louis came and sat next to him.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

Harry didn’t acknowledge him. Instead, he reached into his bag, grabbed his headphones, and popped them into his ears. Louis recoiled into himself, his energy immediately changing. He turned back towards Lottie, Emily, and Liam. Harry could see that his lips were moving out of the corner of his eye, but he couldn’t hear what he was saying because of the music blasting into his ears. Louis tapped him on the shoulder, and he ignored it. Louis frowned, and tapped him again. Harry looked up finally and took one of the headphones from his ear.

“I’m sorry if I did something to upset you,” he said sincerely.

Niall, who had come back from the bathroom, added, “We didn’t mean to leave you out.”

Truthfully, Harry didn’t really care if the others were off doing their own thing. They were his friends, of course, but he didn’t have the same relationship with them like he did with Louis. Louis sat by him every single day without fail. Every day. It wasn’t like him to sit somewhere else. And if he did sit somewhere else, surely he would have included Harry in his conversation. Harry was just so confused. He was so sensitive of the way Louis was feeling about him lately. He had been walking on eggshells around the boy constantly, but now it seemed Louis didn’t want to be around him.

“I don’t understand,” Harry said quietly, shaking his head. “I don’t understand what I did.”

“You didn’t do anything, Harry!” Emily was quick to say. Harry looked over at her, and she seemed genuine.

“Harry,” Louis placed his hand on Harry’s shoulder. Harry looked down at it as Louis continued, “I just needed to talk to Niall and Liam about something about the play. Honestly, it was nothing to do with leaving you out.”

“What about Lottie?” He asked, “she’s not part of the play.”

Louis looked over to Lottie, who quickly said, “I’m constantly at home with Louis rehearsing his lines, so I basically know all the parts. He just needed to ask me something.”

Harry’s face finally softened, and he nodded. He relaxed into his chair and put down his book. Louis’ body immediately untensed with this. When Harry put his elbow on the arm rest, Louis was quick to not-so-subtly put his up as well so that he was touching Harry. Harry smiled. Now, that was more like the Louis that he was used to. Pretty soon, everyone was back to their normal, everyday lunchtime. Emily and Niall were disgustingly romantic with each other, Liam was flirting with Lottie, who didn’t even really acknowledge his existence, and Louis and Harry were in their own little world, entirely separate from everyone else.

“Hey,” Louis’ eyes sparkled as he got Harry’s attention. He grabbed Harry’s hand, hiding the gesture from everyone else, “I was thinking we could do something for your birthday.”

Harry lit up like a light bulb at that, “Like what?”

“There’s somewhere I want to take you, but it’s sort of a surprise,” Louis grinned.

“A surprise?” Harry asked, and Louis nodded. “Okay.” He was beaming.

--

When Harry got home from school that afternoon, Louis’ mum was there, chatting with his own mum. He walked into the kitchen, where the two women were sitting at the counter, drinking tea. They both greeted him as he came into the room and grabbed some leftovers from the fridge. Not wanting to bother them, Harry took the food into the dining room. He sat down at the dining table and started to eat his food. After a few minutes, the women were talking in hushed tones. Naturally, Harry was dying to know what they were talking about. He tiptoed closer to the kitchen so he could hear them.

“I suspect Louis knows,” Jay whispered.

“Oh, the poor thing. Do the others know?” Anne asked. The emotions behind her tone were strong.

“I’m not sure,” Jay paused, “Maybe Charlotte, but she doesn’t act that way Louis does.”

“How does Louis act?”

“He’s so angry, all the time. He barely speaks to Mark. Each time Mark leaves the house, he becomes so moody. There’s no consoling him. He’s been keeping to himself so much lately. The only time he’s out of his bedroom is when Harry is over, and he hardly wants to be at home at all. He never says anything directly, but he acts as though he would jump in front of a train for me in comparison,” Jay explained.

“He’s very sweet,” Anne commented.

“Yes,” Jay agreed. “But I worry for him.”

“Why?”

Jay sighed, “He feels everything so strongly. I’m afraid he won’t be able to move past this.”

“I understand. Harry is that way, too. He’s incredibly sensitive,” Anne paused for a moment, “Johannah, I don’t know why you’re staying with Mark through this. I’m not judging you, of course, but all I know is that if I discovered Robin was having an affair, the kids and I would be gone before he knew what had hit him.”

“That is where you and I are different, Anne,” Jay explained, “You’ve lived as a single mother before. I’ve lived in money my entire life. I don’t know how I’d get through without Mark.”

“Oh, you could do it,” Anne encouraged her, “And where you’d need, we would be more than happy to help.”

“You’re very kind, Anne, but I can’t accept. It’s alright, really. My children need their mother and their father both, and I’m willing to make sacrifices for them.”

“Alright,” Anne sighed, “Well, you know we’re here for you no matter what. Even after the move.”

“The move will be hardest on Louis,” Jay mentioned, “He cried when we told him. He still cries sometimes. He’s extremely upset to be leaving Harry.”

“Is he?” Anne asked.

“Oh, yes,” she lowered her voice even lower, and Harry had to inch closer to hear what she was saying. “Anne, you don’t know the extent he cares for your boy. I think he would quite literally do anything for him.”

“Oh,” Anne interjected, “I’m sure Harry cares for Louis just as well. He talks of nothing or no one else. Well, you know how inseparable the two are.”

Jay let out a small laugh, “Yes, extremely. I just wish Charlotte had someone to be close to like Louis does.”

Harry, deciding he had heard enough, stepped away from the room. Leaving the rest of his food on the table, he raced up the stairs and to his bedroom. So, Louis’ mum did know about the affair. He knew he needed to tell Louis, but he wasn’t sure how to tell him. He felt sad for Louis listening to what his mum said. The poor boy must have been in constant agony over his dad’s betrayal. He wanted to help, but he didn’t know how.

--

Harry’s birthday was a Saturday.

He spent the morning with his Mum, Robin, and Gemma. They went out for brunch at Harry’s favourite restaurant, and then they went home and watched a couple of movies for him. He loved his birthday more than anything in the world, and he was so happy to be getting pampered. When they finished the movies, everyone had a present for him. They went up to the living room to open up the presents.Harry first opened the present from Gemma. It was a sweater.

“Oh, I love it!” Harry exclaimed.

“Do you?” She asked, “I wasn’t sure if you would.”

“Yes,” he grinned, giving her a big hug, “it’s wonderful, thank you.”

Next up was his present from Robin. He handed it to him carefully. He tore open the wrapping paper to reveal a bottle of cologne. He took off the lid and sprayed some onto his wrist. It smelled really good.

“This is great,” He smiled up at Robin, “Thank you.”

“It’s Gucci,” Robin declared, a proud expression plastered onto his face.

“Oh, wow,” Harry voiced. He wondered how much it had cost.

Last was his gift from Anne. He took it from her and carefully unwrapped it. Whatever it was, she had put it in a box, so he had to fight with the tape that was holding the box shut. Gemma laughed at his struggle, and Robin ended up having to get some scissors from the kitchen to help him. Finally, he tore open the box to reveal what was inside. It was a white suit.

“This is great,” he said, holding it up.

Anne smiled big, “Well, I think you are going to like it a lot better when I tell you what it is.”

He eyed her suspiciously, “What is it?”

“This is the original suit that Humphrey Bogart wore in Casablanca,” she exclaimed.

“What?” Harry screamed, “How did you get this?!”

“It wasn’t cheap,” Robin muttered beside his wife.

Anne elbowed him, “Well, I have my ways.”

Harry laughed and then brought her in for a gigantic hug. “This is so amazing. Thank you so much, Mum!”

“Happy birthday, Harry,” she sang, “I know you’ve had a hard time with Louis having to leave soon. So we wanted to do something special for you.”

“Thank you,” he gushed. He hugged all three of them. “Speaking of Louis, I think he’s going to be here to pick me up in like 30 minutes.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Gemma nodded, a sparkle in her eyes.

“I’m going to hang this in the closet,” Anne said, grabbing the suit, “Have fun with Louis, dear.”

Sure enough, within not too long, Louis was at the door, knocking. Harry practically skipped to answer the door and greet him. Louis wrapped Harry in a huge hug, muzzling his face into Harry’s neck. Harry fell into the hug, taking Louis in completely.

“Happy birthday, Harry,” Louis said into the hug.

Harry pulled himself away from the hug, and he was all smiles. “Thanks, Lou.”

Louis swayed his body onto his tiptoes and then back down, “So are you ready to go?”

Harry nodded, and off they went. Harry climbed into the passenger seat of Louis’ car, and Louis started the car. The music was blasting, and Louis was quick to turn it down. He smiled apologetically to his friend, but Harry didn’t mind too much. He was so excited about wherever Louis was taking him. Louis drove them to a flower garden. Harry had never been here before, but it was really beautiful.

“Here we are!” Louis announced, turning off the car and unclicking his seatbelt.

Harry slipped out of the car and took a look around. There wasn’t another soul here, and he saw plants and flowers everywhere around him. He smiled, walking over to a rosebush. He smelled the flowers, and as the scent hit his nose, he was so happy. He looked over to Louis, who had the biggest smile on his face. Louis motioned for Harry to walk with him, so he did. As they walked, they made small chat. Harry told Louis all about how his morning had been, and Louis told Harry about rehearsals. Louis was making great progress with his role, and he felt that he really was beginning to get a grasp on the character. Harry loved listening to Louis talk about the play because he was so passionate about it.

Harry was taken aback when Louis grabbed his hand. He stuttered over the words he was saying and looked at Louis.

Louis looked surprised with his wide eyes and reddish cheeks. “Is this okay?” he asked quietly.

“Yes,” Harry answered, squeezing Louis’ hand.

Their hands swung between them as they kept walking. Harry took in the sight of all the flowers around. There were roses, daisies, lilies, daffodils, irises, carnations, forget-me-nots, petunias, poppies, tulips, marigolds, sunflowers, hydrangeas, lilacs, orchids, peonies, violets, pansies, lavenders. Every type of flower you could ever think of--it was there. Harry couldn’t believe how beautiful it was.

Eventually, he and Louis came upon a fountain, and they sat at the bench. Harry closed his eyes. The rest of his senses were going entirely rampant. His eyes were in heaven with the combination of the fountain running and Louis’ angelic voice talking to him. The smells of all the different flowers were hitting his nose. And the feel of Louis’ hand still held tight against his own was enough to drive him crazy. He opened his eyes suddenly and looked over at Louis, who was still chatting away about something.

“Anyway,” Louis breathed, “I guess I should give you your present.”

“You didn’t have to get me a present,” Harry objected, feeling the heat in his head run to his cheeks.

“Shut up, Harry,” Louis giggled, “It’s your birthday, and I wanted to get you something. I wanted it to be a good gift because…”

As Louis trailed off, Harry frowned. “What is it?”

“Well, I’m not going to be here for your next birthday.”

“Oh,” Harry’s body sank.

“Happy birthday, Harry,” Louis was holding a little box that had been wrapped, and he pushed it into Harry’s hands.

Harry unwrapped the box carefully, bunching the wrapping paper up and shoving it into his pockets. He opened the box to reveal a ring. His jaw dropped. The ring was big, bold, gold, and had a big red stone right in the middle. It was really beautiful.

“I know you don’t really wear rings a lot,” Louis said, “but Mum gave me a ring like this when I was a kid, and I wanted you to have one.”

“Louis, I can’t possibly accept this. I mean, it’s a family ring,” he shook his head.

“No, it's not the same one,” Louis grinned, “There are only three rings like this in the entire world. I have one, Mum has one, and now you have the third.”

“Are you sure?” Harry asked, picking up the ring from inside the box.

Louis nodded, “Yes, absolutely,”

Harry bit down on his bottom lip to stop himself from squealing as he slid the ring onto his pinky finger. This was such a nice gift. It was so sentimental and personal, and wow. Louis really did care about him, huh? He smiled through his teeth and looked up at Louis. He hugged the boy, squeezing him tight.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked.

Louis laughed and nodded, “Yes.”

So that’s exactly what he did. Harry kissed Louis, wrapping his arms around his dainty frame. The box the ring had once been in fell to the ground as he pressed his torso against Louis. Louis put both hands on Harry’s cheeks, leaning far into the kiss. Where their first kiss had been rushed and nervous, this one was nothing like that. It was sure, slow, and full of passion. The rest of the world surrounding Harry and Louis blurred, and Harry couldn’t focus on any of his senses except Louis. Harry didn’t know which end was up as his joints went limp. He was frozen in time.

Louis’ hands moved from Harry’s cheeks to his neck, and his fingernails gently scraped Harry’s hairline on the back of his necks. Chills surged through Harry’s entire body, and the kiss became more desperate. His fingers and toes went tingly as Louis pulled him in closer and closer, moving his hands yet again into Harry’s hair. Harry’s lips traveled down to Louis’ neck, and Louis tilted his head to give him better access, his eyes fluttering shut. Louis moved his hands from Harry’s hair and looking for something to steady himself on, smacked his arm on the side of the bench. Harry reached out and grabbed Louis’ hands, wrapping them around himself once more. His lips travelled up until they were next to Louis’ ear, kissing every inch of skin along the way. Louis let out a soft moan, and Harry kissed his lips again before reluctantly pulling away.

Harry felt woozy, and his heart was beating so fast he felt like he might have a heart attack at any second. Louis let out a breathful laugh and leaned in to peck Harry’s lips just one last time. He was wide-eyed and bright red from the encounter. Harry was sure he was red as well. A kiss like that had been a long time coming, and they both knew it.

“Jesus,” Louis laughed. Their knees were still touching as Harry looked down and laughed with Louis. “Well, as much as I’d like to continue this, we better get to our next destination.”

“Next destination?” Harry asked.

“Well, yeah,” Louis stood up, “You didn’t think I took you from your house just to give you a present and get a good snog?”

Harry laughed out loud and then covered his mouth, embarrassed.

“Come on, Curls,” Louis smiled, reaching his hand out for Harry to take.

Harry grabbed the ring box from the ground, stood up, and took Louis’ hand. He was giddy as they started their walk back to Louis’ car. Louis found a pinecone that he kicked all the way to the parking lot. They didn’t say much while walking back. There was nothing really for either of them to say. And Harry was looking at all the flowers around them again. When they finally got into the car, Louis leaned over Harry to open the glove box. He pulled out a box, and when he opened it, it held a ring that was exactly the same as Harry’s. He slid on his finger. Harry leaned over to kiss him gingerly one more time. After the short kiss, Louis started off towards his own house.

“Are we going to your place?” Harry asked.

“Yeah,” Louis nodded, “We’re gonna eat there.”

The sun was bright, so Louis grabbed his sunglasses that were sitting in the cupholder and slid them over his eyes. Harry watched him carefully. He heard a familiar tune on the radio and turned up the volume. Sure enough, it was Landslide. Louis looked over at him with a grin.

When they pulled up to Louis’ house, something seemed off. It was quiet, too quiet. Louis parked the car and pulled out his phone. Harry eyed him suspiciously as they got out of the car. They walked slowly to the front door, and Louis pulled open the heavy door. He gestured for Harry to go first, so he did. Suddenly the lights all turned on. “Surprise!” Harry jumped back, completely stunned. He saw all of his friends and family congregating around him, and he grinned.

“No way!” he exclaimed, turning to Louis. “Did you do this?”

“We all did it!” Louis said, gesturing to everyone in the house. His mum waved at him. That must have been what they were talking about the other day at lunch.

One by one, each person came over to Harry and hugged him, all of them offering a “happy birthday, Harry!” Harry felt so special. His family had made sure to always make his birthday a special occasion, but he had never felt like such a big deal before. He was on cloud nine, and nothing could bring him down.

When Louis’ mum and dad came over to him, Harry noticed as Louis disappeared. He frowned as Jay wrapped her arms around him. “Happy birthday, Harry dear. I see Louis gave you the ring.”

Harry smiled, holding up his hand to show it off, “It’s absolutely beautiful!”

She held up her own hand, where a matching ring was snug on her finger, right next to her wedding ring. She kissed him on the cheek before stepping to the side so that Mark could hug the boy. Harry felt awkward as he hugged Louis’ dad, the man Louis currently detested. He barely hugged back, ending the hug as soon as possible and just letting a simple “thanks” slip from his mouth when Mark said happy birthday.

He looked to the other side of the room, where he saw Louis looking at them with sad eyes. He remembered what Jay had said the other day, about how the affair had been affecting Louis so terribly. He hadn’t really noticed Louis acting differently, honestly. Of course, maybe Louis was better at hiding his true feelings around Harry than he was at home. Or maybe, and Harry hadn’t thought of this explanation, Harry was the only antidote for his pain.

Harry continued hugging all the guests that were there to celebrate him. Liam and Niall basically tackled him with their hugs, and all three of them fell onto the ground together, laughing. They began wrestling on the ground, which Anne immediately put a stop to, frowning and informing Harry that he needed to be on his best behavior. He rolled his eyes at that, but obeyed her nonetheless. When it came time for all the guests to sing happy birthday to Harry, he felt a little embarrassed, but he was still happy to be the center of attention. He looked Louis straight in the eyes as he blew out his candles.

The party, overall, was a success. For most people. Harry was sitting on the couch, people watching. There were few people he didn’t recognize there, most of which were employees of Robin who had been invited for whatever reason. He didn’t mind their being there. His eyes bounced from person to person until they landed on Louis’ mum. She was sitting by herself, and she seemed like she was barely keeping it together. Harry’s heart ached for her. She was staring across the room. Harry followed her line of vision until he saw Mark chatting with some woman that he didn’t recognize. He frowned and stood up to find his own mum.

When he found her, he asked, “Mum, who’s that woman Mark’s talking to?”

Anne looked over and her face immediately fell. She tried to recover, but she was visibly upset. “She works for Robin, her name is Jill.”

Harry swallowed hard as his mother disappeared. Why was that woman here? Why had she been invited when she was having an affair with Louis’ dad? Who did she think she was, stepping foot in this house, talking with Mark right in front of Jay’s face like that? It filled Harry with rage. He couldn’t imagine how upset Louis had to feel over the whole thing.

Louis.

Where was Louis? Harry looked desperately around the room, and he was nowhere in sight. Harry felt sick to his stomach. He needed to find Louis. He looked in the kitchen, where Liam and Niall were sitting with Fizzy and the twins.

“Have you guys seen Louis?” he asked. They nodded their heads, and pointed to the counter, which Louis was sat on top of. He looked a little annoyed at worst. Harry walked over to him. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” Louis smiled crookedly at him, “Why wouldn’t I be? Are you alright?”

“No, I’m great,” Harry said, “I just-”

Harry was cut off by Mark entering the room. He shut right up. Jill came right after him, and Louis’ entire body tensed. He gripped the edge of the counter so hard his knuckles began turning white. Harry swore he could feel the heat radiating off of his body from his anger.

Mark grinned, “Jill and I have got some stuff we’ve got to get done at the office before Monday, so we’re going to go work for a little while. I wanted to wish you a happy birthday once more, Harry. I hope it’s been a good day and a good party.”

“Thanks,” Harry said coolly.

Mark nodded and then gestured toward his son, “Look alive, Louis. You forget it’s your best friend's birthday or something.” And then he and Jill left the room.

Louis didn’t say anything, but his face said it all. He left the kitchen and ran up the stairs to his bedroom. Harry was right at his heels. When they got into his room, he slammed the door. He was visibly shaking, and Harry didn’t know what to do. He paced back and forth for a minute before putting his arm on his dresser and pushing it, sending everything on the dresser flying. He kicked a chair in the corner of the room, and it fell over.

“He’s so sick!” Louis yelled, “My mum is just downstairs and she was here. It’s so vile!”

“Louis,” Harry tried to calm him down.

“She does everything for him, and he sneaks this disgusting woman right under her nose! She probably has no idea,” he cried.

“Louis,” Harry said again, “she knows.”

Louis just looked at him, his chest heaving up and down.

Harry took a deep breath, and then explained “I overheard her talking to my Mum about it the other day. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how. She knows and she knows you know.”

Louis gripped his stomach, “I feel sick.” He grabbed onto the dresser for balance.

“How can I help?” Harry asked.

“Distract me,” Louis cried. Harry just looked at him, “I don’t care what you do, just make me think about anything else.”

So Harry did the first thing he could think of. He grabbed Louis by the face and kissed him. Louis’ eyelashes were wet against Harry’s cheeks, and his cheeks were hot. But he lost himself in the kiss, doing anything to take himself away from the reality of what had just happened. He had to break himself from Harry several times to catch his breath. He was so overwhelmed and upset that he couldn’t breathe normally. But Harry didn’t mind. Harry just wanted to take care of him in this moment.

The door opened, and Lottie came in. Louis and Harry pulled away from each other immediately. A squeak came from Lottie’s mouth, “Oh my gosh, were you guys kissing?” Louis and Harry both began stuttering and sputtering over their words, neither of them able to form a coherent sentence. Her jaw dropped. “I knew it! I knew you guys were together.”

Louis felt like he was going to pass out as he sat down on the bed. Harry eyed him nervously and then looked back to Lottie. Louis looked at her, “Don’t tell anyone.”

Her eyes were still wide and her cheeks were red from embarrassment, “I won’t. I’m sorry for interrupting. Go ahead and proceed.”

She closed the door behind her, and Harry looked to Louis. Both of them burst into laughter.

“Guess the cat’s out of the bag,” Harry said.

“I prefer your lips much better when they’re kissing me rather than sassing me,” Louis teased, grabbing Harry’s hand and pulling him back.

Harry didn’t object or argue when Louis pulled him down and kissed him once more.

Chapter Text

Louis didn’t come to the Disco Cafe for lunch on Monday. He had texted Harry saying that he was busy and wouldn’t be able to make it, but he’d see him soon. Harry didn’t really think anything of it. He just went throughout the rest of his day as normal as could be. But then Louis didn’t come to lunch on Tuesday either. Or Wednesday.

On Thursday, he finally showed up. He was already at the booth when Harry and Sam walked in, hand in hand. Upon seeing Louis sitting in the booth, Sam gripped onto Harry’s hand a little tighter, the jealousy rising in him. Harry’s heart leapt involuntarily. They slid into the booth, across from Louis, and while Harry greeted him, Sam just grabbed a menu and started studying it.

“Hey Sam,” Louis' voice was quiet and shaky. Sam looked up and over to him, “I just wanted to apologize for what happened at the party on Friday.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said coldly, lifting the menu back to his face. Harry offered Louis an apologetic expression, but he didn’t say anything. He felt like he needed to be careful around Louis now, especially when Sam was there.

“I invited my roommate,” Louis announced, “I hope that’s okay.”

“The more the merrier,” Harry chirped.

“You keep inviting people,” Sam said, his eyes narrowing in on Harry“and we’ll need a bigger booth.”

“Okay Mr. invited Nick, Lucy, and Justin to our lunch that was originally just supposed to be the two of us,” Harry rolled his eyes.

“I was scared to be around you alone, we hadn’t started dating yet,” he admitted.

Harry smiled and leaned over to kiss him softly. He remembered it like it was yesterday. Harry had become friends with Nick, who introduced him to Sam. They hit it off immediately, and Harry asked Sam out within two weeks. They started hanging out a lot, and when Harry had suggested they start getting lunch at the Disco Cafe once a week, Sam had panicked and invited all his friends. Harry, at first, thought it meant that he wasn’t actually interested in him, but that wasn’t the case, for Sam was extremely interested and wanted his friends around to calm his nerves. Getting lunch once a week became twice a week, and then when Harry and Sam became exclusive, twice a week became everyday.

Harry looked up to see Nick heading towards the table with Lexi. He greeted them as they sat down and grabbed menus. Nick didn’t really need to go through introductions. Lexi knew who everyone was already since she was a waitress at the cafe, and they came in everyday. Justin and Lucy were the next ones to appear, and they sat down, chatting with everyone. It was their usual routine of chatting, giving each other a hard time, ordering their food, and just messing around.

Louis looked over the entrance and waved, “Hey, over here.”

A man, who was presumably Louis’ roommate, came over. Harry looked him up and down and smiled at him. There was barely any more room at the booth, so he grabbed a chair and brought it to the edge to sit down. He looked over to Louis.

“Let me introduce everyone,” Louis said, and all eyes were on him. “This is Nick, Lexi, Sam, Harry, Justin, and Lucy.”

“Nice to meet you,” Lucy nodded.

“And everyone, this is my roommate, Zayn,” Louis gestured to him.

“Nice to meet you all,” He smiled politely. Harry noticed immediately that he was British. Louis had a knack for finding those of his own kind. Zayn looked directly at Harry, “Harry?”

Harry nodded, “Yeah, I’m Harry.”

Zayn nodded, cleared his throat, and looked to Louis, whose lips were straight and pursed. Sam, seeming to notice the gesture, took Harry’s hand in his own again. Lucy, noticing this, rolled her eyes.

“Sam, would you chill out?” she laughed, “I know Harry’s hot, but you don’t need to be so possessive.”

“You think Harry’s hot?” Justin teased, “You’re telling me this now?”

“Look at him,” she gestured.

He gasped dramatically, “Well if you’re so in love with Harry, why don’t you marry him instead?”

Harry laughed, “As much as I’d love to marry you, Lucy, you’re missing one thing that’s very important to me.”

Nick leaned forward, “He’s talking about a dick!”

“I know, you idiot!” Lucy exclaimed, smacking Nick’s arm. She giggled, grabbing Justin by the cheeks and planting a kiss right on his lips. Nick shrugged, pushing his shoulders back against the booth and moving his attention to Lexi, who was saying something to him.

Harry rolled his eyes at all of them, and the waitress came back over to grab Zayn’s order. As soon as the waitress left, Harry turned towards the newcomer.

“So Zayn,” he smiled, “Are you also in graduate school?”

He nodded, “Yeah, I’m going into Sports Medicine.”

“Very cool,” Harry nodded.

“How did you and Louis meet?” Nick jumped in, “I know Harry is just dying to know.”

Harry and Sam both glared at Nick as Zayn answered, “We actually met in undergrad, back in Minnesota. When Louis mentioned he wanted to come to Seattle for Grad school, it didn’t sound like a bad idea to me. So I came with him.”

“So you’ve known each other a while then?” Nick asked, pushing his hair out of his face. He looked at Harry, “You need to get new hair gel, this stuff sucks.”

“Why are you using my hair gel?” Harry frowned, his hand flying into the air.

Nick shrugged and then looked back at Zayn. Zayn was stifling a laugh, “Yeah, Louis and I met in like sophomore year. He was dating my roommate at the time, so that’s how we met.”

“Interesting,” Sam nodded, “Are you still together?” He added, switching his gaze swiftly to Louis.

“No,” Louis answered quickly, “He was sort of a slaggy guy, and ended up cheating on me.”

Harry looked down at his hands on the table, “Sorry to hear that, Louis.”

“Eh, it’s okay,” he waved his hand, “Got him out of the way and I started seeing someone else. Unfortunately that didn’t work out either.”

“You get around, don’t you?” Sam asked. He was being coldy civil, but the intentions behind his question were cruel.

“Sam,” Lucy gasped, “That’s rude!”

“It’s fine,” Louis smiled, narrowing his eyes at Sam. “I’m definitely not inexperienced if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“Something like that,” Sam chuckled to himself, wrapping an arm around Harry. Harry felt himself tense up at the gesture.

“What about you, Sam?” Louis challenged, “Are you experienced?”

“Haven’t heard any complaints so far,” he answered confidently. “Isn’t that right, Harry?”

“That’s inappropriate,” Harry said.

“Not what you said last night,” Sam shrugged.

Harry wiggled out of his grasp. “Stop it.”

“All I’m saying is that no matter how accomplished Louis feels he might be, the fact of the matter is that I’m the one you’re sleeping with.”

“Why would you say that?” Lucy asked, clearly upset. “Why are you constantly so threatened? Harry and Louis? That’s crazy.”

Harry felt sick. He glared at Sam, “You’re such a dick.”

He looked over towards Louis, who had gone as pale as a ghost. His hands were balled into fists, and he was clenching his jaw so tight his head could have shattered. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife as Louis took a deep breath, gaining back his composure. Harry didn’t like this back and forth thing that Sam and Louis had going on. It was like they were natural enemies, and neither could exist in the same environment without one or both of them trying to become the alpha. Someone was always in attack mode. Harry realized that they would never be able to coexist.

“Okay,” the waitress came over with a tray of food, “who had the hamburger with no tomatoes?”

Harry didn’t say a single word for the rest of lunch, not even when Nick asked him how his food was. He only nodded in his direction. Louis barely spoke either, only really speaking to Zayn, who Harry was sure probably felt awkward. Sam didn’t seem to be fazed by anything that had happened, talking away as usual with the rest of those at the table, who were acting normally as well. Of course, they didn’t have any reason to not feel totally comfortable. What had happened didn’t concern them at all.

When they had all finished eating and started to leave, Sam was in a hurry because he had a meeting with a professor. He leaned in to kiss Harry, but Harry dodged the kiss, refusing to even say goodbye to him. He simply muttered something under his breath and left the cafe without saying anything to Louis, or anyone else for that matter. Everyone slowly left until it was just Louis, Harry, and Lucy left.

Harry looked over to Louis, “Hey, I’m sorry about Sam. He can be a jerk sometimes.”

“Honestly,” Lucy agreed, “I’m sorry, Louis.”

Louis forced a smile, “It’s okay, really. I’m not welcome here, I know.”

“What are you talking about?” Lucy asked, “The rest of us all love you! In fact, Justin couldn’t shut up about how cool he thought you were after that party last week.”

“Sam is the only one that’s weird,” Harry assured him, “and I know that really sucks, but he can get over it. We all want you here.”

“Not sure about Nick,” Louis admitted.

“Nick barely has a brain,” Harry said, “but he doesn’t dislike you.”

“He’s just weirdly protective of Harry,” Lucy explained.

“What?” Harry shook his head, “No he’s not. He’s way better friends with Sam than he is with me.”

“Then why’s he living with you?” she asked. He frowned, thinking it over. “And why did he take your side after the thing on Friday even though you were totally to blame?”

“Why should I know?”

“Thanks, you guys,” Louis smiled sadly, “I just don’t want to cause any trouble.”

Lucy again assured him that he was entirely welcome. She stood up and hugged him tightly. She hugged Harry, too, and then she left the cafe. And then Louis and Harry were alone. Louis looked at Harry with wide-eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Harry said, laying his hands on the table.

Louis looked away. “Lucy’s quite lovely.”

“Yeah, she’s really great,” Harry agreed, “Sorry if we freaked out your roommate today. He seems really nice.”

“Oh, he’s the best,” Louis gushed, “I’ll talk to him later, I’m sure he’s not too traumatized.”

Harry laughed at that. “Well, I’m sorry anyway.”

It was quiet for a moment as the two of them sat there. Neither of them wanted to leave, but there wasn’t a whole lot to say. Harry looked out through the window for a brief moment, and his eyes got caught on a couple walking across the street. They were holding hands and laughing. A small amount of envy rose in his chest, but he tried to push the feeling away.

And then Louis finally broke the silence, “Harry, are you happy?”

Harry furrowed his eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

“I mean are you happy,” Louis repeated, “Is your life in a good place right now? Are you satisfied in your relationship?”

Harry suddenly felt himself getting defensive, “What are you trying to get at here?”

Louis shrugged, “I don’t know. It just seems like you and Sam are always in some sort of fight.I mean, do you guys ever actually get along?”

“You don’t know anything about my relationship,” Harry snapped, “You don’t know anything.”

“Harry, I know you,” Louis exclaimed softly, “You know I do.”

“No you don’t,” Harry said coldly, “You might know me from 4 years ago, but you don’t know me now.”

Louis’ mouth opened slightly, and he whispered, “You can’t be all that different.”

“Do you really think you can show up after 4 years and after a couple weeks, you’re some sort of expert on my life and my relationship? You’re wrong, Louis. You’re so clueless about everything, you have no idea the details of my relationship.”

Louis didn’t say anything. His jaw was clenched and he was looking away from Harry. Harry knew him well enough to know that he was trying not to cry. Harry was too upset to feel bad. He ripped his eyes away from Louis. Who did he think he was? His relationship with Sam was none of Louis’ business at all. Especially when he had caused so many problems within it lately.

“I’m sorry,” Louis said finally, still refusing to look at Harry. “I just don’t want to see you unhappy.”

Harry spoke again, his face still chiseled into a deep frown, “I’m happy, Louis, and it’s none of your business to question if I might not be.”

“Okay.”

The air was awkward between the two of them as they sat at the booth. Harry took another drink of the water that was sitting directly in front of him as Louis avoided his gaze. Harry felt sort of bad. It’s true that his relationship status was none of Louis’ business, but Louis hadn’t asked the question with bad intentions. He genuinely cared for Harry’s wellbeing; Harry knew that. Things were all just so complicated when it came to Louis. After a few minutes, Louis stood up.

Harry’s head snapped up to look at him, “Hey, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. I get it,” Louis said, “I’ll see you around, Harry.”

“Are you going to be here tomorrow?” Harry asked.

Louis shrugged, “I don’t know, probably not.” He paused, slipping his jacket on, “See you later.”

“See you,” he said. But by the time it actually left his mouth, Louis was halfway out the door.

Harry sat alone at the booth for a while before he finally stood up and dragged his feet out of the cafe and to his car.

--

It was a long rest of the day. When Harry finished classes for the day, he went to the Student Union Building to study. It was less distracting than being at home, where Nick would be wanting to play a video game or something. He had a paper to write about Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice. He stared at his computer screen; the blank Word document stared back. He hadn’t even come up with a thesis yet, and he had absolutely no idea where to start, and honestly, he didn’t have the motivation to start either. He pulled out his phone and scrolled through social media for a little while. Putting his phone down, he looked to the computer screen again. He folded his arms down on the table and laid his head on top of them. He stayed in that position for a few minutes.

“I don’t even know where to start,” he said to himself, sighing. He lifted his head and looked at the computer screen again. “Okay, Merchant of Venice, Merchant of Venice. Do I know anything about the Merchant of Venice?”

Sam’s voice came into his head, “I don’t know why you decided to major in English if you hate it so much.” He frowned at the memory and lifted his hands to the keyboard to begin typing. He opened a new tab to the library database website and began his research. He was quickly drawn into an article that he found. Losing sense of where he was and what was around him, he read page after page of the article, completely engrossed.

Finally coming up with an idea of what to write about, Harry pulled up his Word document again and began typing away. Letting his ideas take him away, he allowed the events from earlier in the day to float away from his mind… for a period.

When he got back to his apartment, Nick and Lexi were on the couch. Her face was crowded into the skin of his neck, and his hands were hidden underneath the blanket that was covering their bodies, the only sign of their existence the small up and down bump into the fabric. With the entry of Harry into the room, they jumped apart from each other. Lexi’s face bled red.

“Hey Harry!” Nick greeted a bit too enthusiastically.

“Hey,” Harry forced a smile. Knowing what he had just walked into, he awkwardly shuffled away from the living room, through the hallway, and into his bedroom.

He peeled his jacket from his body and threw it in the general direction of his closet. He sat down on his bed, and looked to the floor. His eyes focused and unforced as he just stared at the same spot. He felt his heart sink within his chest as his gaze intensified, not being able to tear his eyes away from this one spot. What do I have to be upset about? He thought to himself. I have everything in the world going for me right now. He went through a mental list of everything he had to be grateful for.

Sam. His mind went straight to his boyfriend. But was Sam something to be grateful for? Sam didn’t understand him, made fun of his interests, became jealous, and only came around when it was convenient. He pushed his mind away from Sam. He would come back to that thought later. What else was he grateful for? He was grateful for his Mum. He pictured her face in his mind and smiled. He was grateful for Gemma. He thought of the crazy adventure she must be on right now. He was grateful for Nick (though not grateful for the string of girls that he was constantly bringing home with him). He was grateful to live here in Washington, where he always wanted to be.

Harry’s mind drifted to Louis.The sound of Louis’ laugh upon his ears. Louis’s eyes, Louis’ smile, Louis’ lips.

No.

No, he would not let himself fall into that trap.

Harry was grateful for Sam. Sam took care of him. Sam loved him. Sam made him feel good. Sam was there for him when no one else was. Sam was beautiful, and Sam was his. Harry was grateful for Sam. Sam took care of him. Sam loved him. Sam made him feel good. Sam was there for him when no one else was. Sam was beautiful, and Sam was his. Harry was grateful for Sam. Sam took care of him. Sam loved him. Sam made him feel good. Sam was there for him when no one else was. Sam was beautiful, and Sam was his.

As he forced the statements into his own mind over and over again, tears began to fall from Harry’s eyes, gently landing on the spot on the floor where his eyes were chained.

Chapter Text

While the kiss was a nice gesture, Harry was ultimately not able to distract Louis from the pain that was consuming his entire life. Halfway through their snog, Louis began to cry again. Uncontrollably. He tried to keep kissing Harry, his tears rolling down and intermingling with their lips. But after a short time, his nose started running, and he couldn’t breathe.

Harry broke away, tears forming in his own eyes, “Louis, what can I do?”

Louis shrugged. He wiped at his eyes a few times. He leaned over to the tissue box sitting on his bedside table, and pulled out a tissue. He blew his nose with it, and sniffled lightly. Harry watched him nervously. Louis was able to keep it together for a moment. He looked into Harry’s eyes, wiped his own eyes again, and stood up.

“Well,” he croaked out, “you should probably get back down there.”

“Louis,” Harry frowned.

Louis forced a smile, “I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not.”

“No,” he sighed, “I’m not. But it’s your birthday, and I’m not going to ruin it. You should be downstairs celebrating.”

“I don’t want to celebrate without you,” Harry stood up, bringing himself to the same level as Louis.

Louis nodded slightly, “I’ll be down in a few minutes, I promise. Just need to pull myself together.”

“Okay…” Harry nodded, too. He felt his heart sink as he started to turn away. He knew that it was taking everything Louis had in himself to not break down completely right now. He took a deep breath, and stepped towards the bedroom door. He opened the door, and turned back towards Louis. “I’ll be back for you if you don’t come down.”

“Go,” Louis’ voice cracked as he pushed him out of the room.

Harry sighed and turned away, closing the door behind him. He waited outside the door for a moment, just to make sure that Louis was okay. He heard a muffled sob come from the other side of the door. His hand darted out to open the door, but he found that Louis had locked it behind him. He turned around, laid his back against the door, and sank down until he was sitting on the floor. He rested his head in between his knees, and stared at the ground as he listened to Louis’ cries.

“Harry,” Anne’s voice boomed from down the hallway, “There you are, Harry. Come downstairs, everyone is wondering where you wandered off to.”

Harry looked up at his mother, who had a worried expression playing on her face. She was beckoning for him to follow her. He wanted to stay and comfort Louis, but he knew he couldn’t. Louis wasn’t going to unlock that door. And this wasn’t some ordinary party for him to hide out during; it was a party specifically for him. So, he pushed himself up to his feet and followed his mum down the stairs.

The second he stepped into the living room, he made eye contact with Jay. She looked about as distraught as Louis did, but she was better at hiding it. She was gripping onto a glass of champagne like her life depended on it. Harry wondered how many drinks she had drank tonight to try and distract herself from the reality of her life. As her eyes connected with Harry’s, her expression softened. She tilted her head at him, questioningly. Harry wondered if she knew that he knew about the affair. She must’ve known that if Louis knew, he would share it with Harry. Harry took a deep breath as he looked at Louis’ mum, and he sent her a small nod. Her eyes filled as she rushed past him and headed up the stairs towards her breaking child.

“There you are,” Niall grinned, appearing at Harry’s side.

Harry smiled weakly, “Here I am.”

“We were trying to figure out how many square feet this house is, and we figured you would know,” Niall explained as they walked back towards the group of friends.

Lottie smirked at Harry, but she didn’t say anything. Harry decided that she must not know about the affair. She was far too calm and happy. He wasn’t going to say anything to her. Instead, he looked over to Niall. “I actually have no idea. Louis and I don’t really talk about things like that.”

“Did he tell you he was applying to Harvard?” Liam asked, looking down. “I can’t believe he didn’t tell me.”

“He didn’t tell me either,” Harry said, “but I was there when he got the acceptance letter.”

Liam sighed, frowning, “Last year, we said we were going to apply together. He did it without telling me.”

“He’s going through a lot right now,” Niall said, trying to cheer Liam up. “I’m sure his mind is just on other things.”

Harry’s eyes darted towards Niall. Did Niall know about the affair? There’s no way Louis would have told Niall. It took him so long just to tell Harry. Harry felt a jealous pang jolt through his body. Wasn’t he special to Louis? Wasn’t he the only one Louis shared his secrets with?

Emily added, “Yeah, I’m sure finding out about moving has been really hard for him.”

Harry breathed out a sigh of relief. They only knew about moving.

“What’s he so mad about?” Lottie shook her head, “We’re going to New York, and it will be so much more exciting than here! It will be a fresh start, and I won’t have to put up with fake people everywhere I go. New city, new people, new me!”

“You won’t miss anyone here?” Liam asked. Niall and Emily looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Liam was certainly persistent.

Lottie shrugged and laughed, “No, not anyone. I mean, you guys are fine and everything, but I’m not exactly glad to be hanging out with my brother’s friends everyday. It would be nice to have some people who wanted me around for the sake of having me around.”

“Oh,” Liam sighed again. The poor guy was having a rough night.

Harry looked over at Lottie, really trying to study her. The two of them had never really talked. Obviously they had been around each other a lot, and they had been in the same group conversations constantly. But Harry had never taken the time to talk to just Lottie. He knew she had been going through a lot lately. Louis had told him everything. Struggles with her friends, boys not treating her right—the typical teenage girl meltdown material. It may have seemed trivial to some people, but to her, she had no constants in her life. Harry had never cared. Louis had, though. He loved his sister, and he was constantly trying to think of ways to help her see it.

Harry was hit with a pang of guilt surrounding his selfishness. Had he ever taken the time to care about anyone’s problems but his own? Here were all of his friends, there to celebrate him, but did he have a clue what was going on in any of their lives? It hit him that the only reason he knew anything was because he was around when Louis asked about everyone else.

“Lottie,” Harry started, “You might not miss us, but I’m really going to miss you.”

She rolled her eyes, “You’ll miss my brother.”

“No, I mean it. I’m gonna miss you a lot.” He insisted.

A smile played on her lips, but she didn’t let it fully show. “Well, I stand by what I said. I’m not going to miss anyone.”

She winked at him, and Harry grinned. He felt good now that he had said something nice.

Liam perked up, “I’ll miss you, Lottie. I really will.”

“Mhm,” she blew him off, pulling out her phone and scrolling through it.

Harry’s eyes scanned the room for any sign of Louis. There were none; he was still upstairs. He looked up at the giant family portrait hanging on the wall. Their family looked so perfect. It was a lie. Everything perfect was a lie. This was why Harry could never be his authentic self, he couldn’t risk ruining the perfect life of his perfect family who lived in a perfect town and had everything they needed. That’s what Louis’ family thought they had, and what happened? Mark tore them all apart. Did Harry have all he needed? If it wasn’t for Mark, he would. But he was forcing himself away, and taking Louis—everything Harry needed—away too.

Harry vowed at that exact moment to never follow the footsteps of his family or Louis’ family. He didn’t need to be perfect. He was going to be different. He would never be perfect, but he would be free.

“Hey, Harry,” he snapped back into reality by the sound of someone’s voice. He looked up to see Robin smiling down at him. “Your mother and I are going to head home. She has a migraine.” Anne was standing next to her husband, rubbing her fingers along her forehead.

“Are you okay, Mum?” Harry asked.

She nodded. “Oh, I’m alright. I need to get home and rest. I presume you’ll be spending the night here?”

“Oh, um. Yeah, probably. If not, I’ll have Louis drive me home.”

Anne pulled him in close for a hug, “Happy birthday, baby. I hope it was a good day.”

Harry hugged her back, “It was great, Mum. Thanks for everything.” He looked over to Robin, “Thanks, Robin.”

“Happy birthday, son.” He smiled, and the two of them made their way to the front door, and left. Harry hated when Robin called him “son.” He wasn’t his son. He never corrected him, though. He didn’t see the point.

“Speaking of Louis,” Emily narrowed her eyes, “Where is that little punk? I have a bone to pick with him.”

“What is it?” Niall laughed.

Harry’s eyes widened as he waited for Emily to answer. Finally, she turned back towards Niall, “He missed rehearsal this morning because he wanted to spend the day with some curly-haired kid whose birthday it apparently is. We learned a new dance sequence, and Mrs. Howell is going to make me teach it to him.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry spotted some movement from the stairs. His head whipped that direction, but it was just the cat going upstairs. How long had it been since he had come down from Louis’ room? Was Louis okay? He tried to push it out of his mind, and to just enjoy his other friends, but he was just so worried. His attention drifted in and out of the conversation happening around him, focusing more on the stairs in his peripheral vision.

“Earth to Curls?” Lottie poked him in the chest, and he flinched, looking over at him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry,” Harry cleared his throat, “Hey, I’ve gotta use the toilet. I’ll be right back.”

She frowned at him for a second, “Okay.”

“Don’t fall in,” Niall joked as Harry started away from the group.

Just as Harry was about to the stairs, someone put their hand on his shoulder. He looked over, and it was someone he didn’t know. Maybe one of Robin’s employees? He offered a polite smile. “Harry, we have to run, but I wanted to say happy birthday once more. You’ve matured into a fine young man.”

“Quite handsome, too,” his wife added, grinning. Harry couldn’t help but notice the lipstick on her teeth and the smell of old-lady perfume coming from her clothes.

“Thank you so much,” He nodded his head.

“Keep that sister of yours in line,” The man chuckled.

What was that supposed to mean? Harry didn’t care. He needed to get upstairs. “Of course,” he said, just trying to go along with it so these random people would leave him alone.

The man gestured towards his wife, “My sweet Liza here. Now, she is the image of what a woman should be. Not this disrespectful behavior and partying that your sister seems to portray.” Harry looked back to the wife, who nodded along with a smile. Her pearl necklace was perfect, and her hair had clearly been dyed at the roots recently.

“Right…” Harry said, still confused. “Well, thank you for coming. Sorry to cut this conversation short, but I’ve got to go.”

“Be careful, Harry,” Liza narrowed in on him, “you spend your time with certain types of people, and you will never escape their fate.”

And with that, the couple rushed away. Harry stood still for a moment. What in the world had that all been about? What was she talking about? What were either of them talking about? Who even were they? Harry shook his head, turned around, and headed up the stairs. It was dark and quiet. He held his breath, trying to listen for any sign of Louis. He tiptoed closer to the door, where he heard the sound of hushed voices coming from Louis’ room.

“I don’t know, Louis. I’m just as hurt and confused as you are.” The voice, belonging to Jay, was sad, but stern. “I never thought he would do something like this.”

“You need to tell him that you know, Mum! He can’t just throw away our family like it’s nothing. I don’t understand why you haven’t confronted him.” Louis’ voice was much less controlled.

“Louis..”

“Why else would we be moving? I know he requested the transfer. I thought it had to be because you found out, but if he doesn’t know that you know… It doesn’t make any sense!”

“Look. When your father announced to me that he wanted to move East, who was I to argue? Louis, it’s not up to me to question his business decisions. You know that he provides for us, and you know that he does what is best for the family. He goes where the connections are.”

“Why are you just letting this happen? Don’t you want to be happy?”

“I know it seems strange to you, Louis. I don’t want to have to explain myself to you. I’m making the sacrifices that I have to make for this family to survive.”

“It’s not going to survive!” Louis was practically yelling. “He’s already torn it all apart!”

“Louis Tomlinson, don’t you raise your voice at me.”

It was quiet for a moment. Harry felt like he shouldn’t be listening to this conversation, but he couldn’t pull himself away. He heard Jay sigh.

“It’s not about being happy, Louis. It’s about doing what I have to do in order for you kids to grow up in a stable environment.”

Louis laughed, “This is stable?”

“I know you don’t think it is. But believe me, if I left your father, you would find yourself in a world full of hurt. And so would I. I have nothing without him. We are better off staying like this, and going along with the decisions that he makes. The girls don’t know, Louis. They don’t know, and they’re happy. I’m not going to ruin that for them by letting the whole world know.”

“The whole world doesn’t even need to know, Mum. I don’t get why you won’t just talk to him, and tell him that you know what’s going on. Maybe he’ll stop if he knows he’s been caught. I’m not saying you have to leave him. I’m saying that you can’t continue living your life as if this isn’t happening to you.”

“I don’t know, Louis.”

“What would you say to Lottie if she were in your shoes?” Louis asked. Harry could hear the pain in his voice.

“Please don’t make this harder on me than it already is, Louis!” Jay sounded truly exasperated.

“I’m not trying to.” Louis sobbed. “I just want you to be happy. You know I would do anything for you.”

“So try and forget about this. I swear, when the time feels right, I will talk to him. Don’t try to solve it for me. Enjoy your last few months here.”

Harry didn’t know what to think. Jay’s behavior was odd, and he didn’t understand it. He wasn’t sure that he ever would. He looked down at his feet. He shouldn’t be listening to this conversation. It was private, and it was really none of his business. But he didn’t feel like going back down to the party, either. His head was all over the place. He felt selfish. Here he was worrying about making sure he knew whether or not Louis reciprocated his feelings, and the older boy was facing real problems. He wasn’t going to add any stress on top of that. He would back off.

As he was lost in thought, Harry didn’t listen to the remainder of the conversation between Louis and Jay. This meant that when Jay opened up the door to leave, Harry wasn’t prepared to hide, and he was caught like a deer in headlights as they came face to face. A look of panic flashed over her face, and Harry’s insides twisted within himself.

“I-” Harry stuttered, “I, um. I was just coming up to check on Louis.”

“Okay,” Jay forced a smile, her voice high and nervous.

Harry wasn’t sure what came over him for him to next say what he did. But he couldn’t explain any other reason why he would just be standing there. So he said, “I’m really sorry for what’s happening to your family. I swear I’m not going to tell a soul, and I’ll try to distract Louis from it, too.”

Johannah didn’t respond right away. Her lips parted slightly, and she looked dumbfounded. Harry regretted it immediately. He didn’t want her to know that Louis had told him, and he didn’t want her to know that he had been eavesdropping on two private conversations that she had had regarding the topic. But, Jay handled every second of her life with grace. She put her hand on Harry’s shoulder, the ring on her finger that matched the ring he had been given rested right on his collarbone. “Come down for tea in a little while, Harry.”

As she walked back down the stairs, Harry slowly made his way into Louis’ bedroom. He was nervous. The boy was sitting in a chair next to the window. The door creaked as Harry opened it, and Louis looked over. He looked exhausted and spent.

“I’m sorry I ruined your birthday,” Louis sighed.

“What?” Harry shook his head, “You absolutely didn’t. You made it a really wonderful day.”

“Hmm.” Louis shrugged and looked back at the window. “He doesn’t have a clue that anyone knows about the affair.”

“I know,” Harry said. He walked further into the room and sat down on the bed “and I also know that you need to pretend that you don’t have a clue either.”

Louis directed his gaze back to Harry and glared at him, “How can I possibly do that?”

“It’s pretty easy,” a voice came from the doorway. Harry and Louis both turned their heads in the direction of the voice. Lottie stood there, her hands by her sides, her fingers playing with a loose thread on her jeans, her hair falling in front of her face. Tears filled Louis’ eyes as soon as he saw her. “You don’t tell a soul that you know, and you push it out of your mind every time you think about it.”

Harry’s jaw dropped to the floor. Lottie knew?

“When did you find out?” Louis asked.

“You remember my friend Lauren? Well, she invited me to come to her cousin’s birthday party about nine months ago. When I got there, I saw Dad, which was really weird. Apparently he didn’t see me at first because he seemed to be getting pretty comfortable with some lady at the party. Turns out that the random lady was his co-worker, and also Lauren’s aunt. It didn’t take long for Dad to see me there, and he stopped talking to the lady. He acted really weird for the rest of the party. He still acts weird, to be honest. It didn’t take long for me to figure out what was going on.”

“Nine months?” Louis’ hand was covering his mouth. “Lottie, you found out way sooner than I did. Why didn’t you tell me?”

She shrugged, “I didn’t want to believe what I saw.”

“That’s why you came up here after they left just now? You wanted to talk about it…”

Lottie nodded. “I came up to try and talk to you, and tell you not to tell Mum that you know.”

“She said you didn’t know,” Harry interjected.

“She doesn’t know that I do. Look, there’s something more to the story. I can’t figure it out, but there is something she’s not telling us. Not telling you. And she’s not going to tell you.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. I’ve done a lot of digging, and I can’t figure it out.”

“I think you both just need to try to forget about this whole thing. Your parents will figure it out.” Harry said. He didn’t want to see this consume either of them.

“I know,” Lottie sighed. “I didn’t want to talk to you about it because I knew you would freak out and try to solve it. Mum doesn’t need us getting involved.”

“How can I not get involved? This is killing her,” Louis just couldn’t take no for an answer.

“I know you want to, Lou,” Harry said, “but she clearly doesn’t want you to. She’ll figure it out on her own. She’ll know how to fix it, and there’s nothing you can do.”

“As much as I hate to admit it,” Lottie agreed, “Harry’s right. We need to try and focus on ourselves. There’s a reason she didn’t tell us, and we need to respect that.”

Louis finally nodded. They had finally gotten through to him. Harry wasn’t sure how he had found himself in this situation. It was so messy. He was supposed to be carefree right now, focusing on a potential relationship with Louis. This situation had come in and ruined everything. He was angry, and he knew it was selfish, but he didn’t care. His heart was hurting for Louis, but it was hurting for himself, too.

“Come down and enjoy the rest of the party you planned,” Lottie urged. “Everyone is down there, and they think it’s weird that Harry keeps disappearing.”

“Fine,” Louis stood up, “but only because it’s your birthday, Haz.”

Lottie grinned again. Harry didn’t know how she was able to be so happy after the scene she had just been a part of. She nudged Louis, “So are you and Harry dating secretly, then?”

“No,” Louis snapped. Harry winced at the tiny knife that had just been thrown into his heart, “you know we’re just friends.”

“I don’t know about you, but I don’t kiss my friends.” Lottie raised an eyebrow.

Harry was just about to respond by telling Lottie that they were trying to figure out what they felt for each other, but Louis spoke first. “Lottie, you know you can’t tell anyone. It was stupid. I’ve been doing a lot of stupid things.”

Harry immediately closed his mouth. Lottie looked at him, sympathy in her eyes. She didn’t say anything else. They walked down the stairs in silence. When they had rejoined the rest of the party, Louis walked straight over to Liam and Niall. He took a deep breath and then smiled, talking away. Guess he was back to his usual self.

Lottie glanced at Harry, “You okay?”

“I’m fine.” he answered coldly. “Let’s just try to survive the rest of this night.”

She nodded and walked away, leaving Harry by himself. He was so confused. By everything. He understood that Louis’ head must have been absolutely spinning from all that was going on, but he didn’t understand what had just happened. When he had told Louis about his feelings, and Louis asked him to back off, he did. But earlier in the morning, in the flower garden, Louis was the one who held his hand, and Louis was the one who kept kissing him. Louis hadn’t seemed to object to their kissing just a little while ago either. So why was he all of the sudden calling it stupid?

Harry’s heart was heavy. He just wanted to go home. In some ways, this day had been the best birthday that he’d had in a while, but it also felt like the worst. He imagined being at home, crawling into bed, and crying himself to sleep. It seemed like the most probable finish to his day. There was such a vacancy within his heart, and his entire body felt empty as a result.

“Should we hear a speech from the birthday boy?” Gemma appeared next to him, a glass of alcohol in her hand and a big cheesy smile plastered onto her mouth. Harry looked over at her, biting the insides of his cheeks to stop himself from crying. He shook his head softly. Gemma’s expression immediately changed, her eyebrows furrowing down, “What’s the matter?”

“Just really confusing stuff with Louis,” Harry frowned, “I don’t want to talk about it here, but I’ll tell you more later.”

“Okay…” She paused, “Look, I know this probably is the last thing you want to do, but I kind of told a bunch of people that I would get you to do a speech. So… Do you mind?”

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am serious,” she nodded. And then she added, “and don’t call me Shirley.”

Harry rolled his eyes, “That’s not even how it goes…” He sighed, “Fine. If it will get this party to end quicker, I’ll do a stupid speech.”

“Attention everyone!” Gemma yelled. It hurt Harry’s ears. She was definitely buzzed. The murmurs throughout the room quickly quieted down as everyone turned to face the noise, “Harry would like to say a few words tonight.”

Everyone’s eyes shifted to Harry.

“Um. Yeah.” He sighed, thinking about what he should say. He was sure he probably looked like a mess. “Thanks everyone for coming. I really appreciate it. It’s been a big year for me, and I am happy to celebrate it with all of you, tonight. I want to say a special thank you to Louis, who threw this whole thing together. You’re the best friend I could ever ask for. Here’s to another year full of accomplishments, adventures, and celebration.”

“To Harry!” Someone shouted, holding up their drink. And the rest of the remaining crowd echoed, “To Harry!” Harry looked over to Louis, who had a sour expression on his face as held his cup up halfway. He quickly looked away. When Harry looked in the opposite direction, he caught the gaze of Jay, who was standing in the doorway to the kitchen. She was smiling a soft, pained smile. She closed her eyes and turned away.

Harry took a deep breath and stepped after her. It was time to get some answers.

Chapter Text

“To be honest, I don’t really know why I’m here. I’ve never done this.”

“Okay,” Dr. Robinson leaned back in her chair, “let’s start exploring that.”

Harry shrugged.

“What caused you to call the office and schedule an appointment?”

“Well,” Harry nodded, “I’ve been having a weird time lately. I’ve been feeling really sad and really out of touch with reality. I can’t figure out what’s causing these feelings, and I don't know how to make them stop. I guess that’s why I scheduled my appointment.”

“Tell me a little bit more about being out of touch with reality. What do you mean by that?” Dr. Robinson asked.

“I don’t know,” Harry frowned. Dr. Robinson didn’t say anything. “I guess… Um... I don’t know. I’m not really sure where I fit in within my life anymore. People keep overreacting to things and suggesting weird things, and I can’t tell if I have any friends or whatever. Or if anything I understand is actually reality because everyone seems to be seeing it differently than me.”

“Can you give me an example?”

“Okay.” Harry thought about it for a moment.

“If you can’t think of one right on the spot, we can move on,” Dr. Robinson smiled.

Internally, Harry rolled his eyes. “No, I’ve got one.”

“Wonderful.”

“I have this friend, Nick. He’s my roommate, and he’s cool. But he is better friends with my boyfriend than he is with me. Yet, my other friends keep telling me that he likes me better and that he keeps defending me and being on my side, and all this other stuff. And I don’t know. Maybe that doesn’t matter, but it just doesn’t align with what I believe. It’s not like I don’t think that Nick likes me, but he’s always been better friends with Sam. My other friends act like I’m an idiot for believing that.”

“Okay,” Dr. Robinson nodded.

“Or, like,” Harry paused to breathe, “So I’ve got this friend. Louis. We have a history; I’ll just leave it at that for now. Well, he just reappeared in my life after a few years. And he’s been making a lot of assumptions about my relationship. He’s been, like, suggesting that I'm unhappy in my relationship, even though he has only been around Sam a handful of times. When I told him to back off, he got really offended and said he just wanted me to be happy. But I am happy, and he doesn’t know anything about my relationship. I don’t really know what to make of it.”

“Does it bother you that Louis has an opinion about your relationship?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

Dr. Robinson leaned in, “Why?”

“Because why does he care? It’s none of his business,” Harry ranted.

“Maybe he's just looking out for you?” She suggested.

Harry laughed, “That’s the problem. Why does he feel like it’s his place to do that? What does he know about my relationship? He doesn’t know anything about it.”

“Let’s dive into your relationship.”

Harry took a deep breath, “Great.”

“Your boyfriend–his name is Sam?” Dr. Robinson asked. Harry nodded, and Dr. Robinson scribbled it down on her paper, “Tell me about your relationship. How do you currently perceive it? How have you seen it in the past?”

Harry didn’t say anything for a second. And then he sighed, “I don’t even know where to start with that.”

“How did you meet?”

“Nick introduced us,” Harry said. “I was a freshman, and I met Nick in a math class. We both sucked at it, so we decided to form a study group. Sam and Nick already knew each other, and Sam is really smart, so Nick asked him to be our tutor. So yeah, that’s how we met.”

“Keep going,” Dr. Robinson urged.

“I mean, I thought Sam was cute, but it can be hard sometimes when you aren’t sure if another person is gay, so I didn’t really do anything about it. Pretty soon, I found out he was gay, though. And so, yeah, we started talking a little bit, and going on a few dates. Then we started eating lunch together, all of us. Including some other friends. Pretty quick, Sam asked me to be his boyfriend, and yeah. That was that.”

“So how long have you been together?”

“A little under two years.”

“Talk to me about the start of the relationship. How would you describe your feelings towards each other?” Dr. Robinson asked.

“Well, it was kind of a rushed start.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Um,” Harry cleared his throat, “Once Sam and I confessed our feelings for each other, things moved really quickly. I guess I became clingy, and Sam seemed okay with that. I think I have a fear of losing people once I admit how I feel, so I really wanted to make sure Sam wasn’t going to leave me. So I moved things quickly.”

“I want to come back to your fear of losing people later,” Dr. Robinson smiled while making a note, “but first I’d like you to explain to me what actions you took to ensure you weren’t going to lose Sam. What did that look like?”

Harry hesitated, “Um, I don’t know. I- We- Well.. Um.”

She looked up at Harry, “Don’t feel like you have to share if you aren’t comfortable, Harry. But I do think it will help to be able to identify how your actions correlate to your thought patterns.”

“Okay.” Harry closed his eyes. “Well, I became clingy, like I said. I texted him multiple times everyday. I made sure we ate lunch together frequently. I asked him to share his calendar with me. We slept together very quickly. I thought if I could get that physical bond with him, he would be more attached to me. Sam and Nick hung out a lot, so I decided to further pursue a friendship with Nick. I guess my thought on that was that if we had the same friends, it would be more natural for us to be together.”

“Now that I’m saying all of this together, it’s making me seem really manipulative. I didn’t mean to be manipulative,” he winced.

“I don’t think it’s manipulative, Harry. I think you were trying to be a part of his life.”

Harry nodded, though he wasn’t totally convinced.

“Did you ever get to a point where you felt like you weren’t going to lose Sam?” Dr. Robinson asked.

Harry shrugged, “I’m really not sure. I got to a point where I felt comfortable in our relationship. But I always have this little part of my mind that worries he’s going to leave me.”

“And why would he leave you?”

“Because I’m not good enough. Because I’m controlling and demanding. Because he thinks I’m stupid. Because I’m too much to handle.”

“Has he ever said those things to you?”

“Not directly, no,” Harry sighed, “but he makes me feel that way all the time.”

Dr. Robinson shifted in her chair, “How?”

“I don’t know, he just does. He’s dismissive of my interests and of my feelings. It’s like he expects me to just want to go along with what he wants to do. Sometimes I need extra affirmation of his feelings for me, and he makes it seem like a burden to him. But I feel like I shouldn’t even need to ask for him to do that for me in the first place.”

“Have you ever confronted him about how he’s making you feel?”

“A little bit, but not like a whole conversation. I’m not sure it would do anything.”

“Is that something you would be willing to try?”

Harry took a deep breath. “It scares me, to be honest. But I am willing to try it.”

“Excellent.” She grinned at him. “Harry, I think I’d like to end there for today. Thank you for opening up to me. It sounds like we are going to have a lot to work through and talk about, and the fact that you are willing to share is wonderful. If you are able to have that conversation with Sam before our next meeting next week, we can start there. No pressure if you need some time to work up to it, though, okay?”

“Okay,” Harry nodded, standing up, “Um, thank you.”

“Thank you, Harry. It was absolutely wonderful meeting you.”

“Nice to meet you, too, Dr. Robinson.” Dr. Robinson shook Harry’s hand and opened the door for him to exit the office. He took a step out and smiled at her.

“Take care of yourself. I’ll see you next week.”

Harry left the office and walked out towards his car. He took a deep breath, unsure of how to feel. That had been a lot. He didn’t even know if he wanted to be in therapy. He didn’t know why he scheduled the appointment in the first place. All he knew is that his mind was a mess, and he needed help sorting through it with someone who wasn’t going to influence his decisions. He needed a third party. Someone who wasn’t involved. Someone who wasn’t going to make a decision based on other people’s feelings or perspectives. He needed someone who would advise him on the best course of action to take for himself.

Harry had to admit that the therapy session was a lot more talking than he anticipated. He knew it would be to an extent, but he was hoping he could just share his problem and the counselor could just tell him what to do to fix it. Maybe that was unrealistic. Well, he knew that was unrealistic. But he didn’t expect to share so much. And why did she want to know so much about Sam? He didn’t go in there because of Sam. He didn’t think he did, anyway. He couldn’t be sure; his mind was so jumbled.

Did he want to have that conversation with Sam? What would it even accomplish? It would just hurt Sam’s feelings. It would just push their relationship into more conflict. He didn’t need conflict right now. He needed resolution. He needed peace. He needed normalcy. He needed to get back to that place where he wasn’t worried…

But he was worried. He had spent his entire relationship with Sam worrying about being left, messing up, being unwanted. Maybe the counselor really had been getting at something. Why was it fair for him to feel that way? Did Sam feel that way? How did Sam view the relationship? Maybe he should have the conversation after all.. But how should he start it? What should he say? What should he ask? What if Sam gets upset? What if Sam isn’t willing to discuss it? What if? What if? What if? Why did that counselor have to end the appointment? He had so many more questions about how to go about this.

As he got in his car, Harry grabbed his phone. He needed some advice, and he knew just the person to call.

–

“You’ve got to be kidding me… What are the chances of him following you literally across the country?” Gemma’s voice echoed through the telephone.

“I mean, I’m pretty sure he didn’t know I was going to be here, to be fair.”

“It’s still weird. How does that happen?”

“People run into people they used to know all the time,” Harry laughed, “it’s not that weird.”

“Not people like you and Louis. I mean, this is straight out of a rom-com. This doesn’t happen in real life. You know that, right?”

“We both always planned on coming here.”

Gemma snorted, “And I planned on moving to Switzerland. People usually don’t follow their teenage dreams, Harry.”

”Okay,” Harry rolled his eyes, “It’s weird. I get it. Can you just tell me what to do?”

It was quiet.

”Gemma?”

”I’m not sure what you want me to say, Harry. Do you want to put yourself through all that heartache again? You’ve moved on. Can you survive another overdose on Louis?”

”We’re just friends. It’s not like I’m rushing off into the sunset with him. I’m still with Sam.”

”I know,” She sighed, “You say that now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Another sigh. “It doesn’t necessarily mean anything. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I know,” Harry closed his eyes, “and I promise I won’t. But I do want him in my life, and things are just getting so complicated right now. What would you do if you were in my shoes?”

“I would reassure Sam, first of all. I know that you’ve tried to do that, but you need to do more. A big gesture kind of thing. Show him that your relationship with him is your first priority. Even if you don’t feel like it is right now, I think that’s what’s causing a lot of your problems.”

“Then,” she continued, “have a bigger conversation with Louis. Tell him that you value his friendship and you want him in your life, but he needs to stay out of your relationship. If he wants to be friends, he needs to accept that he’s coming into your life in a new state. You aren’t the same person that you were all those years ago. He may get defensive, so you need to approach the conversation right. Butter him up first. You’re good at that.”

“Okay,” Harry agreed, “yeah, I think I can do that.”

“Great. Now pretend I’m Louis, and you’re having the conversation with me.”

“Gemma…” he rolled his eyes.

“Harry, I’m serious!” Gemma scolded, “this is important, and practice will help.”

Harry let out an uncomfortable laugh, “Okay, fine.”

“Okay, we’ll do a best case scenario conversation and then a worst case scenario conversation,” Gemma’s smile could be heard through the line. “Start the conversation.”

“Okay,” Harry said. He noticed his palms start to get sweaty, and he readjusted his grip on the phone. “Hey, Louis. Um, can we talk?”

“Yeah, what’s up?” Gemma asked in the lowest voice she could do.

“Gemma, could you not do the voice?”

“What? I want to play into the part,” she argued.

Harry rolled his eyes, “He doesn’t even sound like that… Could you just sound normal?”

“Okay, okay. Fine,” she said, “Go again.”

Harry sighed, “Hey Louis, do you think we could talk?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“I wanted to talk to you about some things I’ve been thinking,” Harry paused, “I really appreciate having you back in my life. Your friendship means a lot to me. But, I just need to talk to you about Sam…”

“Okay…” Gemma said.

“I know you care about me, and I understand you want what’s best for me. But when you make comments about my relationship, it makes me feel really uncomfortable. It’s like you’re doubting my happiness, and I’d really rather keep that stuff between Sam and me.”

Gemma cleared her throat, “I didn’t mean to make you feel that way, Harry. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I know, and I appreciate that,” Harry paused again, “But my relationship with Sam is something that I’m handling. I need you to trust that I’m making choices that are right for me. Can we agree to keep the focus on our friendship and not my relationship?”

“Okay, I get it,” Gemma announced, “I’ll respect your boundaries. Thanks for being upfront with me.”

Harry raised his eyebrows. No way it was actually going to be that easy.

“I think that went well!” Gemma cheered, “I liked your approach, very mature.”

“But you know it won’t actually be like that…”

“Which is why we do the worst case scenario!” Gemma explained, “Start again.”

Harry groaned, “Hey Louis, can we talk?”

“What is it?” Gemma sighed loudly.

“Well, it’s about your comments on my relationship with Sam. I know you’re trying to look out for me, but it feels like you’re questioning whether I’m happy.”

Gemma started, “I’m just concerned for you. I want you to be happy.”

“I understand that,” Harry nodded, “but it’s starting to feel intrusive. I need you to trust that I’m handling my relationship. Can you keep those opinions to yourself and focus on our friendship instead?”

On the other line, Gemma gasped, “Are you serious? I’m just trying to help. I thought we were friends and could talk about anything.”

Harry rolled his eyes, “Gemma, he would never say that.”

“He might!”

“No, I really don’t think he would.”

“Just go with it, okay? How are you gonna respond?”

Harry sighed, getting back into character. “We are friends, and I want us to keep it that way. But if you keep making these comments about Sam, it’s going to put a strain on our friendship.”

“So you’re saying I should just stay silent about my concerns? That’s not fair. I thought I could be honest with you.” Gemma fake protested.

“It’s not about not being honest. It’s about respecting my space. My relationship is private, and I’d prefer if we didn’t mix it with our friendship.”

Gemma scoffed, “Fine. If that’s how you feel, I guess I’ll just keep my thoughts to myself. I didn’t realize you’d push me away like this.”

“Okay, Gemma, can you stop?” Harry frowned, “you’re being way too dramatic.”

“No, I’m not!” She responded, “This is a completely realistic reaction that he might have.”

“Well, what am I supposed to say?” Harry felt exasperated, “I don’t know what to say if he starts getting upset.”

“You’ll know what to say, Harry,” Gemma encouraged him, “Set your boundaries.”

Harry was about to respond again when Gemma said, “Listen, I have to go. But let me know how it goes!”

“Oh,” Harry said, surprised, “Okay, bye.”

“Love you, bye!”

And then the line went dead. He sighed, letting his head fall to his chest and closing his eyes. He wasn’t sure if his conversation with his sister had really helped at all. He still felt so conflicted. But he knew he needed to have a serious conversation with both Louis and with Sam. It was just a matter of when and how.

His ears picked up the smallest pitter patter sound. Rain. He opened his eyes and lifted his head. He thought back to a time when he loved the rain. How it felt freeing to him. His heart reached for it. But time had changed him.

“Ugh,” he complained to himself, “why did I think it was a good idea to move to the wettest place in the world?”

He had been sitting in his car in the parking lot of his complex for the past 30 minutes. He finally opened the door and got out, swaggering towards his front door.

When he reached the living room, he was hit with a strong smell of fish. It was bad. He plugged his nose, making his way to the kitchen to investigate. Nick stood in front of the stove, stirring some concoction.

“Dude,” Harry quipped, “what in the world are you making?”

“I’m making lobster mac and cheese,” Nick grinned.

“It smells horrible in here,” Harry replied blankly.

“It does?” Horror filled Nick’s face, “Lexi will be here in like an hour. I can’t have it smell bad! What does it smell like?”

Harry gestured to the stove, “Umm… Fish.”

“Open the windows, light a candle, spray some Febreeze!” Nick stumbled to the window to open it, “I didn’t realize the smell would be so strong.”

“Well,” Harry shrugged, “It really, really is. I’ll light some candles for you.”

“Thank you,” he gushed. Harry started to walk away when Nick stopped him, “Hey, uh… Lexi will probably be spending the night and… Well, I just figured I’d give you a warning.”

“Got it,” Harry forced a smile. “You’ve never cared to tell me before. Why start now?”

“I just really like this girl…” He smiled, stirring the contents on the stove. “I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable with someone else being here.”

“I’ll figure out somewhere else to stay tonight,” Harry looked down.

“Thanks,” Nick hummed, “Oh, and Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want you to have to hear us when you’re having trouble with Sam. I know when I was going through my break up with Kelly, I hated hearing you and Sam.”

Harry felt his face flush, and then Nick continued, “Don’t feel bad! I was happy for you guys and thrilled that you were finally getting some. But it just made me feel lonely. I don’t want you to feel lonely. So I just wanted to let you know.”

Harry smiled sadly, “Thanks, Nick.” And then he turned around and lit the candle on the dining room table.

A voice in the back of his head murmured at him. Why is it okay for Nick to have an opinion on your relationship? Why can he assume that you’re unhappy and having struggles, but the second that Louis does, you throw a fit? He pushed the voice out of his head. It didn’t matter…

—

“What did everyone think of last night’s reading?” Dr. Marce asked.

A few hands shot up into the air. Harry looked through the air into the distance. Dr. Marce called on someone and they made some comment, but Harry didn’t listen. He didn’t care. In his mind, he was having that conversation with Louis. He was resolving his problems.

“Hey,” someone nudged him, and he looked over, broken out of his trance. “Here,” his classmate said, passing him a stack of papers. He took one and passed the rest to the girl sitting on the other side of him. She smiled, thanking him.

He zoned out for the rest of class. He blindly went through the activity they did and made no comments during the discussion. When class was over, he didn’t stay to chat with the girl next to him like he usually did. He gathered his things and left the classroom.

He pulled his phone from his pocket as he walked down the hallway. No notifications. His chest deflated. He opened Instagram, mindlessly scrolling as he walked. As he neared the outside door, he pulled his head up from his phone to open the door. He slid it back into his pocket and held the door open for a girl coming in.

“Thank you!” she chirped at him as she wiggled inside.

“Yep,” his voice called after her through the empty air.

When Harry arrived at the Disco Cafe, the only one there was Lucy. She grinned at him, scooting over to give him space to sit next to her. “Hey!” She greeted.

“Hey Luce,” Harry whistled. “How’s it going?”

“Really good,” she bit her lip, “I picked a dress!”

Harry’s mouth broke into a huge smile, “You did?! Let me see!”

She pulled her phone out and opened her photo gallery. She clicked on a picture and showed it to Harry. The dress was gorgeous. It was an A-line dress, with a long, open train. It was a perfect shade of white, with lace covering every inch. The dress had long sleeves and an open back.

“Lucy, I love it so much!” Harry gushed.

“I know!” She squealed. “I fell just absolutely in love with it, I had to have it.”

“The back is beautiful,” Harry commented, “and I love the lace.”

“You know,” she lifted her shoulders lightly, “I told the lady that I didn’t think I wanted lace. But she insisted for me to try this one on, and thank the Lord I did! It’s just perfect!”

“Oh, I’m so happy for you!” Harry exclaimed, pulling her in for a hug.

“Thank you,” Lucy squeezed Harry tight. “I can’t wait for Justin to see me in it.”

“Are you going to make him wait until the wedding?” Harry asked.

“Of course!” She smacked his arm lightly, “I can’t have bad luck!”

“Well, speak of the devil,” Harry smiled as Justin walked towards the table. Lucy shoved her phone into her bag. “Lucy was just showing me the dress she picked out.”

“Yeah?” Justin asked, a smile instantly covering his face, “I wish I could see it. I bet you look really beautiful.”

Lucy blushed as Justin slid into the opposite side of the booth. He slid the Pepsi that Lucy had ordered to him close and took a sip through the paper straw. He frowned.

“I can’t stand these paper straws,” he complained, “I get it, less plastic and all. But it’s literally disintegrating in my drink.”

“I know,” Harry agreed, “I hate them, too.”

“That’s why you have to always be prepared,” Lucy said, pulling a metal straw out of her bag. She handed it to Justin, who put it in his cup and removed the paper straw.

“Babe,” he grinned, “this is exactly why I’m marrying you.”

She giggled. Harry laughed as Nick sauntered over to the table, Lexi right on his hip. They sat down and pulled the menus up to their noses, chirping out greetings.

“Hey guys,” Justin offered.

Lucy turned back to Harry, “Do you want to see the bridesmaids dresses I’m thinking about?”

“Um, of course,” Harry nodded excitedly.

Lucy pulled her phone back out and started showing him pictures. Harry got really into it, giving her his opinions and thoughts on everything. He didn’t even notice when Sam came into the cafe with another guy on his heels. Brandon.

Nick looked over to Harry, a look of sympathy playing in his eyes, “This should be fun.”

“Hello everyone!” Sam sat down, pulling Brandon down next to him. “I hope you all remember Brandon.”

“Hi everyone,” Brandon said politely, grabbing a menu.

No one said a word, just staring at the scene folding out in front of them. Harry shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He had never met Brandon before, but he knew all about him. Brandon and Sam had been in a friends with benefits situation before Sam started dating Harry. When their relationship began, Sam broke it off.

Harry’s breath got caught in his throat. He sat in the booth, trying to focus on the menu in front of him, but the words swam on the page. The hum of the restaurant seemed to grow louder, and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest, each beat louder than the last. His palms were clammy, and he wiped them on his jeans, but it didn’t help. He glanced around the bustling restaurant, the clinking of dishes and murmur of conversations grew louder and louder.

His breath came in short, rapid bursts, and he tried to steady it, but it felt like he was suffocating. He could see his breath in tiny puffs, as if he were outside in the cold, even though the room was warm. The walls seemed to close in, and the space around him felt smaller and smaller.

Finally, someone said something, but Harry didn’t hear a word. Conversation slowly picked up. Harry’s eyes felt dry as he stared into the menu. He could hear the faint, worried voice of Lucy asking if he was okay. Her face was a blur, and he tried to respond, but the words wouldn’t come. His vision narrowed, darkening at the edges, and he gripped the edge of the table for support, feeling the wood dig into his palms.

Sweat began to bead on his forehead, and he shifted uncomfortably, the air feeling thick and stifling. His mind raced, his thoughts unclear. His internal monologue was no longer one clear voice, but hundreds, screaming at him, all yelling different things, not a single thought clear or distinguishable from the others.

Lucy’s concerned voice finally reached him, though it felt distant. “Harry, are you okay? Breathe with me.”

Harry tried to focus on her face, but his vision was darkening around the edges. He could barely manage a nod, his mouth dry and unresponsive. Just as he began to think he couldn’t take it anymore, the cafe door swung open, and a familiar figure strode in.

Louis walked into the restaurant, scanning the room until his eyes landed on Harry. Instantly, his expression shifted from casual to concerned. He hurried over, sliding into the booth beside Harry, his presence bringing an unexpected calm.

“Harry? Haz, what’s going on?” Louis asked, his voice firm but gentle. He placed a steadying hand on Harry’s shoulder.

The sudden shift in focus made Harry snap out of the panic, his racing heart beginning to slow. He took a deep breath, focusing on Louis’ calming presence and steady voice. The restaurant noise receded into the background, and the constriction in his chest began to ease.

Louis looked at him with a mix of worry and relief. “You’re okay. Just breathe. You’ve got this.”

As Harry followed Louis’ instructions, his panic started to subside, leaving him feeling shaky, but more grounded. As his eyes finally came into focus, he looked up at everyone at the table.

Louis’ expression was a mixture of concern and of anger. Justin was holding Lucy’s hand across the table, and they both looked at Harry with worry. Nick was trying to distract Lexi, talking to her in a hushed voice. Brandon stared at the floor. And Sam.

Sam had a look of absolute horror.