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Tim dropped his keys onto the hall table, toed off his shoes and flopped onto the couch, face down. Adam glanced over at him.
“You okay? Hard day at work?”
Tim grunted. Adam pulled his guitar up from the side of the couch, settled it on his knees and started strumming.
“Tim, wish you were born a girl
So I could've been your boyfriend-“
“Stop.”
Adam grinned. “I know it's not possible now
I just never met a girl I like half as much as you-”
“Stop it, Adam. I can’t. You know that.”
Adam stopped, and leaned on his guitar. “I know. I’m sorry. It just isn’t always easy y’know? It would be so much simpler if you were a girl. There would be no hiding, no pretending, no guarding my tongue.”
Tim rolled over to look at him. “You think I don’t know that? I’ve spent my entire life hiding. I hid from my family. I hid in the army. Now I am still hiding in the Marshal service. I don’t have the freedom that you do as a musician. No one cares if you’re gay-“
“Bi.” Adam said quietly but firmly.
“Whatever. The point is, no one cares if you like men. There isn’t that luxury in law enforcement. They care. There’s a shit ton of army people there. They remember Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell even if you don’t. It matters.”
“I don’t think it can be as bad as you make it out to be-“
“You don’t know. You aren’t there.”
“Tim-“
“I don’t want to talk about it. I’m going out. Don’t bother waiting up.”
He slammed the door on his way out, a Tim-slam. It wasn’t a slam like most people would consider slamming but it was shut harder than Tim normally shut doors. Adam sighed. He hadn’t meant to upset Tim like that but lately he’d been getting more and more riled up about small things. He placed his guitar aside and clipped the case closed. He would have to try and smooth things over with Tim in the morning because otherwise this relationship would be going downhill very fast. If you could even consider it a relationship. Tim refused to be called Adam’s boyfriend and he refused any other word of similar nature – partner, lover, sweetheart, paramour. Tim refused to let Adam touch him when they went out. He refused to let Adam buy him things because “if I wanted a goddamn coffee machine I would have bought one myself.” Sometimes Adam wondered if it was all worth it but then Tim would snuggle up to him in his sleep or sprawl across the sofa, barefoot and shirtless, reading some novel that looked like it was written for a twelve year old girl and love would swell in his belly and he’d know. It was just different that was all. They would get through it.
Adam slid into the seat next to Tim at the bar. He was already nursing a glass of something.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to push.”
Tim didn’t reply, he just gestured to the barman for another which he passed across to Adam. Adam took that as acceptance of his apology. He wished he could touch Tim – not anything inappropriate, just a hand on his arm or his leg or a hug or something that would let him know he cared. The problem was that it often crossed Tim’s line of what was allowed in public. He didn’t want anyone to know. The music started up and they listened for a bit. Tim stiffened next to him. Adam glanced over to him.
“You okay? Do you want to leave?”
Tim shook his head. “It’s nothing.”
Raylan had been there but then suddenly gotten up to leave. Had he seen him? And Adam. Oh god what was he to do now? The bar they were at was way out of the way. There shouldn’t have been anyone from Lexington there. He’d chosen it specifically so there was no chance of seeing anyone he knew. He didn’t need anyone seeing him at his worst.
Adam could see Tim internally freaking out and laid a comforting hand on his elbow. Tim started and shook Adam’s hand off.
“Let’s go.” He walked out.
Adam sighed. Tim was difficult sometimes. He drained his pint and followed Tim out.
When Tim arrived at the office the next morning Raylan was already there, perched on the edge of Tim’s desk, arms crossed and yet somehow still flirting with the woman talking to him.
“Excuse me, do you mind restricting your seductions to your own desk? I like mine to be Raylan free.”
Raylan’s reaction was to gently touch the woman’s arm, say something to her softly and tip back his hat to look at Tim. “Did’ya wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?”
Tim didn’t even deign to answer that. “What are you doing on my desk?”
Raylan stood up smoothly, “Harlan calls.”
Tim groaned. “No. Not again. Is Rachel coming? She is the only one who can keep me sane.” As it happened, Rachel was passing just as he said that.
“Unfortunately not. Enjoy Harlan, Tim.”
The journey down to Harlan was thankfully uneventful, though Tim was on tenterhooks the entire time, constantly expecting Raylan to say something about him and Adam. He didn’t.
Later that evening the pair hauled in a fugitive who had been hiding out in his aunt’s shed and the witness, his cousin Elijah, had spotted Mason on one of his rare visits home from Oklahoma and called it in. It was a clear-cut case, Mason Boggs would be going back to prison. No one could do anything to mess it up. That is, no one but Raylan Givens.
“What do you mean you had to let Boggs go?” Art demanded.
Rachel shuffled her feet. “Well you see, Elijah was an unreliable witness.”
“Unreliable? How? He called it in.”
Rachel pursed her lips and hesitated before replying, “Raylan slept with him.”
Art inhaled deeply before thumping his fist on his desk. “I am not in a fit mood to deal with him right now but tell Raylan that I want to see his ass in my office as soon as I’m back from lunch.”
Rachel nodded, “Yes, sir.”
She stopped at Raylan’s desk after Art had left, a thunderous look on his face.
“Looks like golden boy isn’t so golden for once, and you didn’t even have to shoot anyone to do so.” She stood up and shook her head at Raylan. “Keep it in your pants, cowboy. It’ll save us a lot of trouble.”
Tim leaned back in his chair, “Whatcha do this time?”
“Slept with the witness again,” Rachel said primly. Raylan sighed and ran a hand across his face.
“Again?” Tim laughed drily. “How do you manage that, Raylan? I have never felt the need to have sex with a witness. Never. What witness anyway? I thought the only case we had was the Boggs one?”
Rachel nodded, “It was.” Confusion flashed across Tim’s face for a split second then it settled back into his trademark deadpan.
“I was just surprised because I thought your type was blondes,” Tim drawled.
Raylan got up and left but Tim didn’t think it was because of their teasing, Raylan wasn’t that kind of person.
Raylan wandered down the corridor and out the back. He leaned against the wall and looked up at the sky. Fat drops of rain fell from the overhanging roof and landed on his face. He tipped his face down and settled his hat back on his head. It was all a bit of a disaster. Raylan hadn’t meant to sleep with the witness. Winona was still being weird about Gary and Elijah was cute. He was just bringing him home after questioning and then one thing led to another. It wasn’t planned. And it was completely different to the Ava situation. That had been nostalgia, and slight regret for not taking Ava up on her offer twenty years ago. Elijah was just an accidental hook up. It hadn’t meant anything, but maybe that was why it was worse. Mason Boggs got off now and all because Raylan couldn’t resist getting his dick sucked.
“Oh sorry to bother you-” Raylan looked up. It was a man about Tim’s age with longish dark hair and a leather jacket. He had a kind face. “I was just looking for the Marshal’s office and I saw your badge; I was hoping you could give me directions?”
Raylan pushed himself off the wall. “Yeah, of course. Who are you looking for?”
The man smiled in relief which exposed very straight teeth and wrinkles around his eyes. “Tim – Deputy Gutterson. He left his jacket in my car and I was passing so I thought I’d drop it in to him since the weather isn’t looking great today.” Both the man and Raylan glanced at the sky. Grey clouds were sliding across it at quite a pace.
Raylan shrugged. “Sure. I can give it to him if you like. His desk is next to mine.”
“You must be Raylan so?”
Raylan smiled in approval, “I am. And who are you? Seems unfair for you to have all the information.”
The man momentarily looked a bit nervous, “I’m Adam. Tim and I have been friends for years.”
“Huh, he’s never mentioned you before. Come to think of it he’s never mentioned any friends before. Except Mark but that wasn’t his choice.” Adam still looked vaguely uncomfortable. Raylan nodded at him, “Give me Tim’s jacket then you can go. I should be getting back up anyway.”
Adam handed it over. “Thanks, man. I really appreciate it.”
“My pleasure,” Raylan said. No really, he thought, but didn’t say it.
Raylan dropped Tim’s jacket on his desk as he passed on the way to Art’s office.
“Adam says hi,” Raylan added.
“What do you mean?” Tim asked. He looked down at the coat. “Did he give you my jacket?”
Raylan nodded, “Handed it to me when I was outside. Said you left it in his car.”
“Raylan!” Art shouted.
Raylan smiled at Tim in his mysterious Raylan way. “Boss calls.”
Tim was simultaneously silently fuming and freaking out at his desk. Adam had come to his place of work, spoken to Raylan and everything was okay?? Something wasn’t right about that. Raylan always managed to charm anyone into giving him what he wanted whether they meant to or not. Actually, come to think of it, Raylan had slept with Elijah Boggs. Elijah Boggs, who was most definitely a man. And true, Art was chewing him out over it but – Tim paused to listen to the faint sound of Art shouting at Raylan – mostly just because it jeopardised the case. No one seemed to care that Elijah was a man. Maybe Adam was right, Tim was being paranoid. But…it couldn’t just be that easy could it? Art was a religious man. Surely he would have some words about it?
When Raylan sat back down at his desk he looked tired but Tim couldn’t wait. He had to ask now, while everything was still fresh. Otherwise it would seem out of place.
He leaned across to Raylan.
“So, sleeping with men, is that a thing you do often?”
“Why? You interested?”
“No. Just curious.”
Raylan sighed, “I won’t be going to pride parades or nothin’ but yeah it is.”
Tim gave a small nod and went back to his work.
That evening Tim decided to meet Adam at the school he was giving lessons in. It would save him getting the bus home anyway.
“Hi,” Adam said, sliding into Tim’s car. “This is a nice surprise.”
Without giving himself time to think Tim leaned across and kissed Adam. He didn’t let the fear talk to him and instead just let in thoughts about how much he enjoyed kissing Adam and spending time with Adam and really, how much he loved Adam. He sat back.
“Wow, that was definitely a surprise. What caused the change of heart?”
Tim looked over his shoulder as he reversed out of the parking spot. “I just thought you might be right. I can’t spend my whole life hiding.”
Adam raised one eyebrow sceptically. “It can’t just be that. Something happened.”
Tim kept his eyes straight ahead and avoided looking in the mirror next to Adam.
“Raylan is bisexual.”
Adam huffed out a laugh. “That doesn’t come as a shock I have to say. How did that come out?”
“Raylan slept with a witness again, only this time it was a man. Elijah Boggs.”
“Was he cute?”
“Adam!” Tim shoved at Adam out of the corner of his eye. Adam just ducked away, with a soft laugh.
When he sat back up again Adam realised that Tim was going the wrong way for their flat.
“Where are you going? Home is the other way.”
“Er,” Tim glanced over at him. “I was heading for that new pizza place we were talking about trying. You don’t mind, do you? We can go home if it’s an issue.”
Adam shook his head, “No it’s fine. Just surprised me that’s all.”
“I want to make up for all the times I was an over cautious dick. A date with my boyfriend seemed the best way to start.”
Adam rubbed Tim’s shoulder reassuringly. “You have nothing to apologise for. I love you and that includes all your faults and hang ups and awkwardness and scars. I love you, Tim. I love you and not being out wasn’t going to change that.”
Tim rested one hand on Adam’s knee, and Adam put his hand on top of it.
“Thank you. That means a lot.”