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The King of the Court had caught feelings.
Goddamn it. Kageyama couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment he knew that the platonic feelings he felt towards Hinata had developed into a full blown crush.
Maybe it was when Hinata had fallen asleep on the bus to a training camp, his fluffy orange hair pushed up against the window. Kageyama remembers how innocent, how soft he had looked as he had watched his chest rise and fall. The setter had wanted nothing more than to run his thumb along Hinata’s lingering dreamy smile. Goddamn it.
Or maybe it was when Kageyama was helping Suga set up for a morning practice session and an energetic Hinata had bounced out of the changing rooms wearing Kageyama’s spare hoodie. ‘D-dumbass, that’s my sweater’ Kageyama recalls saying through gritted teeth, blushing furiously. Hinata had innocently claimed that he had accidently forgotten his sweater in his rush that morning, but had borrowed Kageyama’s, as he knew he always kept a spare. ‘I didn’t think you would mind’ he had said, with those STUPID STUPID puppy dog eyes that reverted Kageyama into nothing more than a small puddle on the floor. Goddamn it.
Or maybe…
No. He needed to stop the dumb spectulation and just deal with the problem at hand. Crushing on his partner wasn’t going to be a great thing, he knew that. He couldn’t screw up the pair’s dynamic with his awkwardness or discomfort; it would affect their volleyball playing, and that’s the last thing he wanted.
He spent many an hour running through any ideas he had to stop these feelings, to let things between him and Hinata return to that normal, friends/rivals situation they used to have going on.
After judging every possibility his low functioning brain could come up with, Kageyama settled on the one that would have the highest chance of erasing these dumb DUMB feelings.
He would have to avoid Hinata as much as possible.
So that’s exactly what he did.
||
Hinata is annoyed. It’s the end of practice and he sits on the other side of the gym and peers at Kageyama. The taller boy is having a conversation with Daichi whilst helping him pack some stuff up. He isn’t looking in Hinata’s direction at all.
Hinata lets out a sigh and rolls onto his back. It is so unfair. Kageyama barely talks to him or regards him anymore. The only time they come into contact at all is during games, where Kageyama would toss him the ball when necessary and sometimes shout at him when he messed up a spike. But other than that, they might as well be two strangers passing on a street.
Hinata frowns angrily at the ceiling.
‘Hi!’
Hinata rolls over to see his upperclassman Suga looking down at him.
‘You seem down in the dumps huh?’ Suga takes a seat next to Hinata, putting his water bottle by his feet. ‘What’s up?’
Hinata furrows his brow. ‘Nothing.’ he mumbles, absently throwing a frustrated glance to Kageyama. Wait. Damn. He instantly kicks himself. He shouldn’t have looked in that goddamn direction. Suga was the most observant person ever, and Hinata knows he would have noticed that.
He was right. Suga lets out a small chuckle and shakes his head in Kageyama’s direction. ‘I thought as much. Wanna talk about it,’ he says as he nudges Hinata gently.
Hinata stays silent. Does he? He’s not sure what he would say exactly, he can’t figure out the words. Plus, he hasn’t really processed all his constant rushing thoughts in his own mind, and he highly doubts he could vocialised them..
But before he can stop himself, the words are stumbling and darting out of his mouth, like they have minds of their own.
‘Suga, he’s just IGNORING me? He never waits for me at lunch, and he always speeds off after practice so he doesn’t have to walk home with me. He won’t even look at me, or regard my presence. We only communicate on the court, and even then it’s not as often or as easy flowing
as it used to be. Does he hate me? Have I done something wrong? Why is he ignoring me?’
Hinata comes to an abrupt stop, panting slightly. He had said all of that without once taking a breath, and he suddenly feels very stupid.
He looks bashfully up at Suga, who just smiles. ‘God. He acts all high and mighty, but he really is just a silly little boy on the inside.’
Puzzlement springs across Hinata’s face. ‘What do you mean by-’ he begins but Suga stops him by getting up from the floor. He grabs his water bottle and smiles down at the confused boy.
‘Hinata, I don’t think there’s much I can say to you. I suggest you perhaps ask Kageyama himself. Also..maybe just think about all the things you want out in the open.’
And with that, the older boy runs away, leaving Hinata in a state of wonder. He tries to comprehend exactly what his upperclassman meant, but reading between the lines makes his brain hurt. Instead, he rises from the floor and brushes off the dust from his shorts, watching as it flutters to the ground.
Again, he glances to the opposite side of the gym. Kageyama is picking up his discarded jacket from the bench, and starts to head quickly towards the exit. Hinata sighs as he watches the taller boy gracefully slip the jacket over his broad shoulders; his long fingers fiddle with the zip for a second before he pulls it up and runs outside.
Hinata figures if he gathers all his stuff quick enough and sprints after Kageyama, he could catch up to him. He still doesn’t know exactly what he wants to say, but if that conversation with Suga proved anything, his words controlled themselves.
Soon, he finds himself dashing out of the school, towards the road where him and Kageyama used to walk up together. He can’t see the taller boy, who must be further ahead than he had anticipated. He grits his teeth in frustration. The cold air hits his face hard, the wind slaps his cheeks until his skin feels prickly and his eyes stream. But still Hinata sprints. The road gets steeper, and Hinata quickened his pace.
He reaches the peak level of his speed, his feet barely seems to touch the ground, and he can’t even feel his limbs as he dashes round a corner.
Then. Before he can even react, before he can even stop, before he can even register what’s happening, he collides with something solid. He is thrown back, landing painfully on his wrist. His head spins, and he can barely lift it up to decipher what he crashed into.
Maybe it’s just because his eyes can’t focus, but Hinata swears that whatever he has just hit moves. Has he just got concussion or is it actually walking towards him?
Hinata closes his eyes tight and reopens them. He feels a wave of relief, his vision has cleared. But the sight that meets him doesn’t give him the same comfort.
It’s Kageyama Tobio. Looking furious.
Hinata doesn’t know if his legs won’t move because of his fall, or because of the terror. He tries to scramble away from Kageyama. He can feel his fury, his wrath. Hinata knows he was well and truly dead. He is going to be absolutely murdered, absolutely slaughtered. He shuts his eyes in anticipation, waiting for a shove or a hair grab.
But it never comes.
Hinata reopens his eyes, and watches in despair as Kageyama turns his back and walks away.
Suddenly, Hinata finds his voice.
‘Kageyama.’ Hinata can feel the tremor in his words; he doesn’t even have the strength to make them sound all loud and confrontational. ‘Please.’
The effect that one word had on the tall figure in front of him is instant. He completely stops walking. His shoulders sag, his head drops, his whole body seems to shake.
‘Why don’t you look at me anymore’ Hinata continues, the words barely coming out as a whisper. ‘Why don’t you acknowledge me. Please Kageyama. I can’t bear this. I can’t bear the silence. I can’t bear not talking to you. Please speak to me’
‘No’
Hinata is stunned at Tobio’s response. His voice sounds rough and cracked, thick with emotion and regret, a tone Hinata didn’t recognise from Kageyama. It cuts deep into him, and god it hurts. Badly. In fact, he can’t even bring himself to say anything, so a heavy, suffocating silence settles between them.
Kageyama breaks it, with the same ‘No.’
This gives time for Hinata to recover after that first blow. He slowly scrambles up from the floor, swaying a little bit before regaining his balance. He takes one shakey step forward.
‘I don’t understand. Why won’t you speak to me Kageyama?’
‘Stop saying my name!’ Kageyama bellows. His volume shocks Hinata, who jumps. It must have shocked Kageyama himself too, as he takes a sharp breath.
‘I just can’t. Ok. I can’t. It’ll ruin all my progress. It’ll ruin everything’
Hinata doesn’t understand. How can he be so goddamn ignorant. He can feel anger surge through him, it rises up in him. He can feel his words bubbling away in his throat, ready to be unleashed. So he lets them go.
‘How conceited of you. How selfish of you. One minute we are fine, we are friends, and then the next you are nothing but cold towards me. You are an awful, awful person, do you know that.’ God Hinata knows that will hurt him. He watches Kageyama’s hunched shoulders. He should stop speaking. He knows he should. But he can’t. So he continues.
‘And what do you mean your ‘progress’ huh? Am I nothing more than a game to you Kageyama? A nice little pastime?’
‘No,’ Kageyama whispers, his voice cracking. His back was still turned.
Hinata takes another step.
‘I want answers then. Tell me the goddamn truth right now.’
Kageyama spins around. He looks at the smaller boy in front of him and, to Hinata’s astonishment, there’s tears in his eyes. The pain on his face is so clear, so transparent that it hurts Hinata’s heart.
‘I’m so sorry Hinata’ Kageyama stutters. His voice seems to be in just as much pain as his features.
There is pity welling up inside of Hinata at seeing his teammate in this broken state, but it is almost entirely smothered by the overwhelming anger that dominates his whole body. Furious tears spring into his eyes, and he finds his hands making contact with Kageyama’s chest, shoving him backwards with all his might.
‘Is that it? All that can come out of your pathetic mouth is a half-assed apology. Weeks and weeks of callous, unfair behaviour from you, and all I get is a pitiful sorry.’ Hinata feels incredulous that these words, with that level of power are coming out of his mouth. But GOD he is so angry.
Kageyama stumbles back and blinks, seemingly registering what had just happened. For a few moments, they just stare at each other.
That is until Kageyama surges forward. Before Hinata can react, he feels Kageyama reach for him. His strong arms wrap around Hinata’s frame, pulling him closer towards him so that his head rests on his chest, so close he can feel Kageyama’s heart beat.
Hinata can’t move. He doesn’t know what to do. He can feel Kageyama’s arms around him.
Kageyama. Of all people, he had to be wrapped around Kageyama. Hinata knows his heart is going to burst. He knows he has feelings for this stupid setter. He knows they surely can’t be right - Kageyama is a boy, a mean and weird boy, and Hinata really REALLY can’t stand him. But, as he stands here, feeling Kageyama’s fingers trace circles on his back or his jaw against his soft orange curls, it has never felt more correct, more perfect. And it makes Hinata’s stomach turn.
He feels winded, he can’t even catch his breath. His chest hurts, his head hurts, his heart hurts. He feels imoblie.
All Hinata can do is cry. All the worry about being replaced, discarded, ignored, all the denial he’s experienced, all the isolation he put himself through, all the emotions he hid and covered in fear, all the pain he felt towards everything and anything, all of it comes gushing out of his eyes, until he’s sobbing so hard into Kageyama’s chest he feels like he’ll never be able to stop.
Kageyama lets him. He lets him cry and cry. He never once slackens his grip or turns away in disgust at the snot Hinata knows he is getting on his shirt. He simply stands there, supporting this boy, holding this boy like there’s nothing more he would rather do.
They stay this way for so long, could be minutes, could be hours. Finally Hinata stops crying, and his first reaction is to jerk back in humiliation, and leap out of Kageyama’s arms. But the taller boy won’t get him, he holds him fast and tight.
‘Hinata,’ he breathes into his hair. ‘Hinata. I think I’m falling in love with you.’
||
Goddamn it. Should he have said that? Doubts flood into Kageyama’s head. Damn, what if he’s ruined it? What if they can never play on the same court again? What if Hinata hates him and vows to never speak to him?
He’s about to stutter out some rubbish about not meaning it, but before he can, the smaller boy, still in Kageyama’s strong embrace, moves his hands. They work their way up his spine, making him shiver, before settling on the back of his neck. Kageyama’s grip weakens. Hinata then pulls away from Kageyama’s chest and looks up at him, whilst his hands glide up to stroke the bottom of his dark hair.
Kageyama’s heart jumps in his chest. Hinata may look a mess, with tear stained cheeks and snot everywhere, but his eyes are shining brighter than his teammate has ever seen. They are breathtaking, and they never once leave his.
‘Say it again’
Kageyama can’t even swallow, his mouth feels so dry. ‘I’m falling in love with you’
Hinata’s face breaks out into a smile. It’s the smile Kageyama knows so well, the one of pure happiness, pure joy. The one that appears every time Hinata scores a spike using their quick attack, the one that appears after they win an important match. It sends Kageyama wild, his pulse quickens, he feels a rush of euphoria.
His body reacts first. As if it’s an instinct, his hands find Hinata’s jaw; he half pulls the boy up and half bends down until their faces meet in the middle. He presses his lips against Hinata’s.
Hinata’s hands grip tighter in Kageyama’s hair. His whole body seems to react with this kiss, he moves in, pushing his limbs closer into the taller boy’s body so that they fit just right. Kageyama’s hands slide over Hinata’s jaw to his cheeks, where his thumb slowly traces the soft skin. He pulls back for just a second, and Hinata seems to jerk forward a bit with the loss of impact. Kageyama pauses, just to take it all in, before leaning in again at a better angle, so that their lips fit together with more ease. This allows the kiss to deepen, with Hinata running his tongue along Kageyama’s bottom teeth. The setter involuntary gasps, which only convinces the orange haired boy to press further. He sucks gently on Kageyama’s bottom lip, and Kageyama does the same to Hinata’s top. Then their tongues meet, in a fury, as both realise how long they’ve been waiting for passion like this.
A sense of urgency flows into them both. Kageyama grips Hinata’s jaw harder with one of his hands as the other finds itself wound in those soft, long curls. At the same time, Hinata removes his fingers away from Kageyama’s hair and instead reaches under his shirt, grasping at his back and his hot skin.
Kageyama pulls away, but doesn’t remove his hands. Hinata takes this as an opportunity to place soft little kisses along Kageyama’s jaw, his fingers snaking further up the boy’s spine.
‘Hinata,’ Kagayama cheeks are blazing from embarrassment but he waits for Hinata to pull his hands away from under his shirt before continuing. ‘I’m sorry.’
Hinata, who was still kissing Kageyama’s jaw, now pulls back. He stares intently up at him, which causes Kageyama’s cheeks to burn even more.
‘I was really unfair. And so stupid. So so stupid. I was worried I would ruin everything with my feelings for you, so I freaked out and started to avoid you. But now I realise how selfish that was and I’m so sorry.’
Kageyama stops. He never normally talks that much at once, and he is renowned for being awful at saying sorry, or admitting he was wrong. This wasn’t his normal behaviour, and it startled him how much one boy could affect him.
Hinata watches him still, and makes no movement.
Kageyama lets his hands wander up to Hinata’s shoulders and they stay there, waiting for Hinata to say something.
‘I’m sorry too’ Hinata finally mumbles.
Kageyama nearly stumbles over in shock. ‘What the hell for?’ he demands.
‘For getting so much snot on your shirt’