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Callum had been back on the square for 3 days, no one knew apart from Rainie and Stuart. He simply didnt want a fuss or anyone knowing he was back, not yet. It was all too soon. He stayed with Rainie and Stuart and sat moping around, unaware that Ben had been doing the same whilst Callum was away. They simply couldnt function properly without each other. But going back in there, reuniting with Stuart and Rainie, the place he shared so many memories with Ben in, was a struggle.
All the cuddles they shared, all the takeaways they ate, all the late night movies they stuck on, all the times they laughed at each others silly stories and jokes, were simply no more. They were gone - just like Ben was gone from Callum's life
"You are going to have to face him someday, Callum" Rainie says just trying to get Callum out and about, back into normal routine again.
"Trust me it gets easier, I turned my back on Max and never looked back, not when I've got your grizzly bear of a brother in my life now"
"Come here you big grizzly bear"
Even those words triggered Callum and all he could think was Ben reanacting Rainie and Stuart's bedroom antics.
"This is serious Rainie!" Callum says. Callum's always found it hard to contain his emotions, and this heartbreak was no different, especially when Ben was his first love.
He'd loved him like no other. Nothing came close. He never got the chance to love Chris, or even tell him how he felt, but he found love in Ben, he knew he had, and he knew deep down he knew Ben felt the same
"Everythings a reminder of him. I go onto the square and what have I got? His businesses staring me in the face. I go to the cafe and I've got Kathy working there, and she'll be saying how shes sorry 'things didnt work out' I go to the Vic, there he'll be sipping drinks with his family, because he's a family man ain't he?"
Callum then remembered how the last time Ben and him were in The Vic together, they glanced over at each other constantly. They were so close yet worlds apart.
All the obvious pining they were doing over each other, all the anger he had towards Ben for breaking his heart after all the opening up he did, allowing himself to fall in love. Callum had things he so badly wanted to say but just couldnt, and instead took it out on Leo.
While Callum was away, he constantly tortured himself thinking or and over again 'if I didnt say this...maybe it wouldn't of happened' or 'if I had only been more accepting and understanding. Maybe he did genuinely just need to protect me?'
Callum searched endlessly for his mind to give him answers, solutions, anything, but it was a constant demon, during his lowest points.
"You dont know how I feel Rainie, yeah? So...so just go, please?"
Callum didn't know what he was doing. 3 days after he returned and he still had no idea what he was going to do. He just knew he couldnt stay in the flat forever
'Maybe Rainie's right for once? Maybe I do need to face him? Face reality again? Test the waters?' Callum thought to himself. 'I dont have to see Ben? Maybe I'll just go for a walk or have a catch up with whit?'
Rainie left the flat, and after a few moments in deep thought, Callum followed. He walked around for a bit, went to playpark, where they had their first kiss. And all he seen was mummy's and daddy's playing with their kids, all happy living their best lives.
'Living our best lives ehh?'
'I had that' was yet another thought in Callum's head. The Winter Wonderland. Him, Ben, little Lexi, Lola, Jay. Everything he ever wanted, everything he searched so hard to find but never got the chance. He thought he found it.
Callum then headed back to have a catch up with Whitney. He kept his head down in his grey Nike hoodie at all costs, just trying to avoid all human interaction. But just as Callum thought he could get away with it - he saw Ben.
As Callum walked away from the play park, Ben and Lexi were walking hand in hand into it. Callum and Ben finally seen each other after all those weeks, 3 long, agonising weeks. They made eye contact, and suddenly their worlds werent so apart.
"Callum!! Look daddy its Callum!!" Lexi said "Hey!! You alright?" Callum smiled as Lexi then ran towards him and they then gave each other the biggest hug. Callum missed Lexi just as much as he had missed Ben, him and Lexi were best friends. He loved seeing her and she loved seeing him.
"I knew you would've came back. Daddy missed you!!" Lexi said staring up at Callum, she couldnt adore Callum
"I-I...." Ben stuttered.
He was overwhelmed - by what Lexi had just said, by the fact that he wasnt expecting to see Callum, he froze.
"Go play on the swings, princess!" "I'll be over in a minute!" he said.
"So how..how have you been?" Ben said, knowing he couldnt avoid Callum, as much as he wanted to avoid him, and his feelings. Everything Ben felt, the past 3 weeks over Christmas, New Year, he never thought he would be this heartbroken again. The pain of Paul dying, he never thought he would get this lucky - be this happy again. But the vicious cycle continued, and Ben did what he had to do, as he believed was best. He believed he didnt deserve love.
"Yeah...Yeah I've been good," Callum said as confidently as possibly could.
He lied. He wasnt good, but he knew he couldnt let Ben know that. For once Callum, had a front up. He put on a brave face, and hid all his pain and heartbreak.
"You?" He asked
"I, I, I've been really well. Busy with Christmas and Lex, and Peggy, you know... Uncle duties again so.." Ben struggled to hide how he was really feeling, normally he was an expert at, but seeing Callum, just standing there, right in front of him. It was like his heart breaking all over again. Ben didnt lie, he was busy with Christmas, but not in the way Callum thought. Callum was still so oblivious to Sharon, Keanu and all the revenge that came with it. All the revenge, all of Ben's mistakes he made. It was all exactly why Ben broke it off.
"How was you? I, I..I mean how was your Christmas?" Ben asked.
"Yeah it was good. I, ahhh, got up to quite a bit, went travelling, different city every night, it was great, cleared my head and done a lot of thinking"
Ben glanced over at Lexi, and Callum then done the same. All they could see was this small, innocent little girl who was pushing herself on the swings. Lexi was always so smart and aware for her age, and knew Callum left her daddy at Christmas, and her daddy was upset.
"Come on baby, we've got to go, mummy is cooking dinner for us" Ben said. He knew the conversation was awkward, and how he was starting to crumble infront of Callum, so decided to try and escape anymore of the disaster conversation.
"Daddddyy!!! You never even got to push me on the swings!!" Shouted Lexi
"I didnt need to! you done it all by yourself because you're a big girl, who doesnt need her daddy anymore!" Ben said back and had the biggest smile on his face
As Lexi got off the swings and walked towards Ben and Callum, she said innocently "Daddy do you still need Callum?"
Callum couldn't help die a little inside. The pain he felt in that moment, the heartbreak - it was simply unbearable. Callum stood silent and all he wanted Ben to do was say
'yes!!! yes!!! I do need him' but Callum didnt get the answer he so secretly wished for, and instead Ben smiled and said,
"No..no im, im a big boy who can look after himself, I've actually found myself a new friend"
Callum could not believe what he had just heard. It couldnt be real. The man that said 'he was lucky to have me? The man that he thought he knew so well? The man he fell in love with?
How? How could Ben do that? Move on?
"So...you've...you've found- someone then?" Callums voice broke, he could barely even say the words, it hurt. It hurt more than he could ever imagine. Ben knew he made the biggest mistake of his life.
"Yeah I have met someone, we ummm, we got to know each other and things went really well from there, I asked him did he want to go for a pint, he said yeah and it just went from there really..."
(Unbeknown to Callum, this was actually a parallel of what Ben had said to Callum, when Ben he had got shot 'There was this guy I was kinda getting to know before and I was thinking maybe when I'm back on my feet and moving around he might wanna go get a pint?' Callum then ofcourse said yes.)
"Ooohh" Callums face shattered he couldn't begin to imagine how he would ever meet someone like Ben again? Ben changed his whole world, his whole perspective on life - Ben taught him that he had to be true to himself, he couldnt lie anymore, he spent far too long doing that.
"I hope he, uhhh, hope he makes you very happy, Ben" Callum knew he had to say something. Anything.
"He does, yeah" ...then Ben looked into Callum's eyes and said
"Its you Callum...you!"
"I was talking about you!" "Could you not tell?"