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Running, running through the forest, that was his backyard. Recklessly jumping from the trees pretending to be a bird. Playing with the neighborhood children doing the things that children do. Remus remembered all of these things from his childhood, how childlike he was before his life-long curse seeped into his entire being.
Everyone grew up at some-point-or-other of their life. Remus just never expected to lose his childhood innocence so quickly, being dragged into the adult world. A curse cast upon a child tearing him from all the friends he had, the feeling that no one loved or cared for him replaced the warmness that had existed.
Monster, that’s what everyone told him he was, soon, Remus started to believe it himself. He would always tell himself, “You’re not like Greyback,” but soon enough, he was calling himself a monster and telling everyone around him that he was not a good person to befriend or be seen with. Even Tonks, the first person in ages that made him feel anything close to human.
Remus wished he was not cursed to forever howl at the moon, praising and cursing it at the same time. He wished that he could lift up his head proud and tall, and not be the man hiding away from everyone around him. Remus felt as if life felt like it was flying by as if he was just a spectator with no control over anything, and all he could do was weep in agony.
Shunned by society, but not by his friends. James, Sirius, even that bastard Peter. It felt like only yesterday they were Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, spreading mischief across Hogwarts. He missed his friends, left with no one, they were all either dead or traitors. Tonks, the only person that truly cared for him, he completely pushed her away. His mother, the first woman to ever show him affection, and love him unconditionally, too, was gone. His life had once been carefree and full of adventures, but that was a lifetime ago.
Walking, in the tiny neighborhood where he grew up, Remus dragged his feet, barely daring to look at his surroundings. In the forest covered neighborhood, he saw the people that were a part of the magical community looking at him in disgust and terror, as if he would attack, or even slaughter them.
An elderly muggle man politely greeted Remus, and said, “Ain’t ya tha’ Lupin boy tha’ used to live ‘ere?” The man had a very thick accent, and Remus tried to joke, “Yes, I’m ‘that Lupin boy.’” No one knew who he truly was anymore, though.
The “What ifs” always plagued his mind; if he was not a werewolf, Remus knew that he would have no trouble keeping a job, he could have worked of the Ministry or Gringotts. When he was very young, Remus never thought that he would have ended up like this, a werewolf, friendless, and never being able to keep a job because of his condition and the general prejudice against werewolves.
The ever changing world was changing too fast, nothing was pausing for Remus to catch up, and he felt as though he was alway stumbling, reaching out desperately for anything to cling onto. He would hide and privately cry; why was he alive? He had no purpose in this world.
He missed knowing his purpose in life; he missed his friends, his family, and Tonks, the only woman that ever wanted anything more than friendship. Remus let Tonks go because he would only be a burden, he told her that he was “too old, too poor, and too dangerous.” But all of this was a lifetime ago, unretrievable, but unforgettable.