Chapter Text
Say Love
Chapter One
Eddie's POV
Eddie is staring intently at a row of cleaning products lined up on a shelf. He's switching his attention from the bottles to his phone, which is open to a number of websites about non-toxic, eco-friendly products. Eddie picks up a bottle from the shelf and turns to the label on the back to scan through the chemicals. Eddie scrunches his nose as he identifies a chemical. He puts it back on the shelf and picks up another bottle.
"Oh my god, Eddie! Are you going to read every fucking label?"
Eddie turns to glare at Richie, who is leaning over their shopping cart with his arms propped up on the back bar. He looks bored out of his fucking mind.
"Richie, do you know how many toxic chemicals are in your generic cleaning products?" Eddie says as he waves around the bottle he's holding. "And I'm not just talking about things like ammonia and bleach! They're fucking filled with carcinogens and neurotoxins – which can literally give you everything from headaches to fucking cancer!"
"Ok, ok! Jesus, I didn't know I was going to take a fucking bio-chem lesson today."
"Shut up, Richie! Just stand there and be quiet. I'm almost done." Eddie picks up another bottle with his free hand, and starts to compare the labels.
"Yeah fucking right," Richie mumbles as he rolls his eyes. He pulls out his phone, flicking his thumb to scroll through it.
After another ten minutes, Eddie finally selects two cleaning products he deems safe and puts them into their shopping cart.
"Fucking finally," Richie says as he starts to push the cart.
Eddie lightly whacks Richie in the stomach.
Richie bends in half grabbing his stomach is mock pain. "Oh my god, Eddie! Why do you hurt me so?"
"Richie, don't. We're in public!" Eddie glances around. A couple of people walk by, giving them the side eye. "Richie, you're acting like an idiot. Fucking stop it," Eddie whispers angrily.
Richie straightens up. "Well, if you don't want me to act like an idiot then don't hit me." Richie pushes the cart down the aisle.
"Well, I wouldn't hit you if you didn't act like a fucking idiot." Eddie follows Richie.
"Are you done? Can we get the fuck out of here now?" Richie glances back at Eddie.
Eddie mentally goes through his list. "Yeah, I'm done. Let's get out here."
"Yeess!" Richie pumps his fist, pushes the cart forward as he rides on the back of it, one foot flung back like he's riding a scooter.
Eddie follows behind Richie in exasperation. On their way to the register, they pass by a Valentine's Day section. It's filled to the brim with candy, cards, stuffed animals, etc. Richie pays no attention as he continues to push/ride the cart, but Eddie's pace slows as his eyes wander over all the red & pink hearts covering everything his eyes can see. Eddie blushes, then quickens his pace to catch up to Richie.
Eddie and Richie have been together for about three, almost four, months now. It's been the best few months of Eddie's life. Their strong friendship along with their bickering and teasing, is still there, but there's a new layer of intimacy. It's exciting but it's also something they're still trying to navigate.
Sure, they kiss all the time. They even make out every now and then, and they cuddle and sleep next to each other at night, but that's really the extent of it at the moment. Their physical relationship is kind of on hold at moment while Eddie continues to heal. Eddie's blush deepens at the thought. He tries not to think about that too much right now; they have a way to go before they're physically intimate with each other. Not only because of Eddie's injuries, but because Eddie has some shit to figure out first.
Richie tells Eddie he loves him every day, but Eddie's never said it back. Richie typically says it in a quick, casual way – when he's leaving the house or about to hop into the shower. Richie's not pushing him to say it, but Eddie knows that it hurts Richie when he doesn't say it back. Typically, when Richie tells him he loves him, Eddie gives Richie a good, hard kiss to let Richie know he cares for him.
It's just, Richie sounds so sure of his feelings. He knows that he cares deeply for Richie, but he doesn't know if what he's feeling is love. Eddie doesn't have a fucking clue what it means to be in love with someone. He thought he was in love with Myra, but he knows now that he never loved her. He literally lied to himself for years about something as important as being in love with someone; he doesn't want to make the same mistake again. Eddie wants to be sure of his own feelings before he says it back.
Eddie's jerked out of his thoughts by Richie snapping his fingers in front of his face. "Hellooo! Earth to Eddie!"
Eddie smacks Richie's hand away. "What!? What the fuck do you want?"
"Give me your rewards card, asshole! I don't want you complaining to me later about how I didn't save 50 cents or something stupid like that."
Eddie notices they're standing at the register, both the check-out attendant and the people behind them are staring at them, clearly uncomfortable and confused by their arguing. Eddie sighs as he hands Richie his keys with his rewards cards attached.
Richie snatches the keys. "Thanks, Spaghetti." Richie grins and pats Eddie's cheek, fully aware of how much he's annoying Eddie.
Eddie mouths "fuck you", causing Richie's grin to grow wider as he turns back to the register. God, Richie drives Eddie fucking crazy. Is that what it feels like to be in love with someone?
/
It's nighttime. Eddie and Richie are both in bed. Richie's curved around Eddie's back, full on spooning him with one of his arms draped over Eddie's side. Richie's snoring softly into the back of Eddie's head. Eddie's full awake, just staring straight ahead at the dark bedroom wall. He isn't awake due to Richie snoring. No, he can't fall asleep cause his stupid brain won't shut the fuck up. He can't stop thinking about the Valentine's Day cards and treats he saw at the store today.
It seems so easy for everyone to know if they're in love. Richie knows he's in love with Eddie. Fuck, Even Ben and Bev know they're in love with each other. They make it seem so easy. So why is it so hard for Eddie?
Maybe he should approach this like he does most things – by researching it. He bets there are tons of studies online about love, how it feels to be in love, what love is linked to, etc.
With a hope for answers, he untangles himself from Richie's arm, slowly sliding out of them trying not to wake Richie up. He tip-toes out of the room, skimming his hands along the hallway to guide him through the darkness. Upon reaching the living room, he turns on a lamp. He sits down on the couch and scoots into the groove of their L-shaped couch, and pulls his laptop into his lap. He pulls up Google and then just stares at it, the cursor blinking mockingly at him.
He's at a complete loss on what to search for. This isn't like searching for alternative healthy ingredients or what medicine to take for his latest ailment. Eddie starts to type-
How to know if you're in love with your best friend/boyfriend?
Eddie's hand hovers over the enter key. That wording doesn't feel right; it's too specific. He deletes and type again.
Is annoyance linked to love?
Eddie frowns. Still not right. He repeatedly presses the delete button and types again.
Body reactions to being in love?
Eddie hits the enter key before he can question himself. This might be the best place to start. After all, Eddie is an expert at researching how certain food and chemicals affect the human body. Love can't be any different, right?
Eddie clicks on the first article at the top of the page – This is What Happens To Your Body When You Fall In Love. Eddie scrolls through the article, reading the highlighted bullet points.
You feel "addicted" – Uh, ok!? Eddie has no idea what it feels like to be addicted to something – so moving on -
Your anxiety plummets – Oh, that's fucking funny! Good one!
You will experience sweaty palms, a racing heart, and a flushed face – Ok, ok, that sounds familiar.
Your pupils dilate – Ok, how the fuck is he supposed to know when his own pupils dilate!?
You experience stomach issues – What!? Seriously? What the fuck!? He hasn't experienced this with Richie, and frankly, he doesn't fucking want to!
Eddie sighs in frustration and clicks out of the article. Ok, maybe that wasn't the best way to go about this. He frowns at the screen, lightly drumming his fingers against the keys trying to think of another way to approach it.
Eddie remembers how Myra loved to watch soap operas and romantic movies. He never paid attention to them; they just didn't make a lot of sense to him. The way the two romantically linked characters acted and described love didn't match up with Eddie and Myra's relationship. He always thought it was Hollywood's way of glamorizing love. Maybe he should revisit some of those now, now that he knows he was never in love with Myra?
Eddie types into the search – Best romantic movie scenes.
A few articles and links to movie clips pop up. Eddie reaches over the coffee table and grabs a pair of headphones. He doesn't want to risk waking Richie up. With the earplugs in, he clicks on the first link – Jerry Maguire.
"I love you…You complete me…You-"
"Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at "hello"."
Eddie pauses the video, frowning at the screen. Ok? He knows that's a really famous quote, but he doesn't really understand what's so romantic about it. Richie and Eddie's version of this would be "You had me at 'fuck you'." Eddie grumbles to himself.
Eddie clicks the second link on the page – You've Got Mail.
"I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so bad."
Eddie groans softly, throwing his head back against the couch. The words have some meaning for Eddie, but only in the sense that he wants it to be Richie. He wants Richie to be the one he's in love with! He just doesn't know if he is in love with him! God, this isn't helping.
Eddie clicks on the next link - When Harry Met Sally - promising himself that if it's more shitty, useless romantic dribble, he'll give up the whole romantic movie search.
"Well, how about this way? I love that you get cold when it's seventy one degrees out, I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich, I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts, I love that after I spend a day with you I can still smell your perfume on my clothes and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of the life to start as soon as possible."
As the screen goes to black, Eddie stares. Huh. While the individual sentiments didn't hit the mark, he at least understands the meaning behind them.
Eddie thinks about all the little things he loves about Richie. He loves Richie's smile, the way it takes over his entire face, how his eyes get brighter behind his big, stupid glasses. He loves the way Richie lights up any room he walks into, his energy and charisma pulling everyone toward him. And yes, he loves Richie's stupid fucking jokes; the way they come bursting out of him without a second thought. He loves the look Richie gets in his eyes when he's annoying the fuck out of Eddie; the look that says 'I know you hate this, but I also know you fucking love it.'
Eddie feels a blush staining his cheeks and neck. Ok…so does that mean he's in love with Richie? Is it…is it really that simple? It can't be…there has to be something more to it.
A hand lands on Eddie's shoulder. Eddie flinches violently, the laptop launching out of his lap pulling the earplugs violently out of his ears.
"Wha – What the fuck!" Eddie screams, twisting around to the back of the couch to face his assailant.
"Dude! What the fuck, Eds! Jesus Christ!" Richie yells, both of his hands up in a defensive position.
Eddie deflates on the couch, clutching his chest. "Jesus fucking Christ, Richie. Don't fucking scare me like that!"
"Scare you!? I kept saying your name. You didn't look like you could hear me so I just tapped your fucking shoulder. You didn't have to go ballistic on me!"
"Ok! Ok! Jesus, I just thought you were asleep."
"I was, thank you! But then I woke you and found you were gone. I was-", Richie gulps. "I was worried you were hurt or something…" Richie reaches over the couch and lightly tugs Eddie's shirt.
Eddie's frustration instantly disappears. He gives Richie a soft smile and places his hand on top of Richie's.
"I'm ok. I just – I just couldn't sleep is all."
Richie's hand moves to cup Eddie's face. "Ok. Are you - you going to stay out here or are you going to come back to bed?"
"I'll come back to bed. I'm getting tired." A warmth spreads through Eddie at the thought that Richie wants him to come back to bed with him.
"Ok." Richie nods and then grabs Eddie's hand. Eddie pushes off the couch, and walks around the couch, the whole time holding onto Richie's hand. When Eddie makes his way around the couch, he and Richie start to walk back to their bedroom, still holding hands.
"So, Eds, what were you watching? Porn?" Richie wiggles his eyebrows up and down.
"Oh my god, Rich." Eddie rolls his eyes and pushes Richie through the doorway to their bedroom. "Do you ever shut the fuck up?"