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The wind settled, the earth stopped quacking and once the ringing in Dean’s ears had died down there was a deep and terrible silence. No breeze stirred the dry grass, no ravens croaked from the bare trees. Even Dean’s own breathing was silent, small.
It was unfair. Dean was still alive and there was nothing that he wanted more than to dig his fingers into the ground and die. Maybe if he just stayed here he would. Maybe he’d bleed and bleed and just fade away.
“Dean…” The familiar voice rang loudly through the empty graveyard and he looked up. Castiel, whole and alive, was reaching down towards him. A gentle brush of his fingers chased the numbness out of Dean’s body and he slowly rose to his feet.
“Cas…?” Castiel’s expression was hard to place, stuck somewhere between sadness and pride. Why in all hell would he be proud? Of who? Sam was dead in the ground and Dean had managed to fail him yet again. But before he could speak Castiel walked past him. Dean didn’t look, had generally stoutly avoided looking at Bobby’s corpse and blown apart remains of Cas. Those must be gone now if Cas was back. He heard Bobby gasp and Dean finally looked, finding Bobby struggling to his feet with the same dumb-struck expression on his face that Dean probably sported.
“What’s the meaning of all this,” Dean asked later, when Bobby had recovered enough to climb back into his car. Castiel was standing next to him, his hands buried into the pockets of his trench coat. He was immovable next to Dean, like a column and just as taciturn. Dean dug the tip of his boot into the ground where Sam had disappeared into. His voice came out bitter and he knew he had tears running down his face. “What’s the freaking point, man?” He pressed his palm to his mouth and clenched his eyes shut. He wished the ground would open up but nothing changed. The graveyard was silent.
Maybe Dean had expected Cas to disappear now that he had his wings back, but he sat down in his car with Dean, silent yes, but a comforting presence anyway. When Dean had to pull his car to the side of the road on his way to Bobby’s because he couldn’t see through his tears he put a hand on Dean’s shoulder.
“What’s the plan upstairs?” Dean asked, his voice hoarse from sobbing. He took a deep breath and leant back against the leather seat.
“Reorganization. Everyone’s confused.”
“And that will be your job?” Dean asked. Castiel tilted his head to the side, thoughtful.
“I’m not like I was before… I’m more powerful, but I don’t know if that will be enough to allow me to return. I did rebel. My kind doesn’t welcome back those who stepped out of line.” Dean laughed hollowly, shaking his head. Castiel turned his head to look at him and Dean suddenly felt himself shy away from the thoughtful blue eyes.
“What about you? What’s your plan?” Dean lowered his head.
“Sammy made me promise to stop hunting and try to lead a normal life,” he told him. Castiel was silent for a long time. Dean turned the key and the car rumbled to life. They still had some time to drive before they reached Bobby’s. He didn’t want to go there and wrap himself up in all the memories. He couldn’t be somewhere where the echo of Sam was everywhere. It was just too much, too soon. Dean was too raw.
“You don’t intend to keep your promise,” Castiel spoke up again when Dean had almost forgotten about him.
“Would you?” Dean challenged even though it made no sense. He felt terrible. He was letting his brother down again.
“I have never been bound to someone by a promise. I have nothing to keep or break,” Castiel replied and the unexpected answer made Dean snort.
“That’s just sad, man,” Dean told him and when he dared to look to the side he found that Cas had lifted the corner of his mouth. It wasn’t quite a smile, but it was better than nothing.
Once Dean was sitting on the upstairs bed at Bobby’s Castiel finally spoke again:
“I could give you a promise.” Dean looked up, surprised that the angel hadn’t already left, but then again, where exactly would he go now that he wasn’t sure about his place in Heaven? Being without a home was probably just the fate of the people around Dean. It was tragic.
“Yeah? What kind of promise?” Dean asked, not expecting Castiel’s expression to be as fierce as he found it to be.
“I will find a way to bring Sam back.” The words hung between them, heavy and significant. Dean couldn’t hold back the pained wince.
“No, Cas… No. Don’t do this to me. Don’t make me promises you can’t keep.”
“I will keep it. But I’ll need time to prepare and to learn all I can about the Cage.” Castiel looked at Dean expectantly and Dean wanted to grab him by the lapels of his trench coat and shake him. He couldn’t do this to Dean. He couldn’t give him these sparks of hope and not expect him to cling to them as desperately as possible. Instead he found himself nodding.
“Okay,” he answered with a broken voice. “Okay.”
“If you go hunt, please be careful. I would be disappointed if you died,” Castiel said and Dean wanted to retort something but Cas was gone in the blink of an eye. Not even the soft flap of wings had announced his appearance.
Dean let himself drop on the bed.
“It’s a promise then,” he muttered into the arm he had thrown over his face.
The next time Dean saw Castiel was when he stumbled out of a bar after a successful hunt and an even more successful attempt at getting very drunk very quickly.
Hunting wasn’t easier now and he thought that hunting would probably never get easier, even if demons were no longer his main concern.
“It’s been two months, man,” Dean informed him angrily. “You could at least have told me that Heaven didn’t kill you.”
“You’re drunk,” Castiel observed and Dean rolled his eyes. Before he could say anything more, Castiel’s fingers were pressed against his forehead and the comfortable haze of alcohol lifted. He groaned, then swatted Cas’ hand away.
“I paid to get drunk, thanks for wasting my money,” he grumbled though he knew he was unnecessarily unkind. Castiel merely watched him and Dean sighed. “What’s up, Cas?”
“Heaven is getting reorganized. Raphael was displeased about the failed apocalypse but he has so far seemed interested in my efforts to give Heaven a new and better purpose than to wait for the end times.”
“Hm. Well, that’s good then.”
“It is,” Cas agreed and they fell into silence. “What about… What about you? Are you doing okay?”
“No, I’m not okay Cas. But I’m alive,” Dean replied and Cas sighed. Why that small little sigh made Dean feel bad all of a sudden was beyond him. He shouldn’t feel guilty for being honest. He didn’t want to think about it, in fact, he didn’t think he wanted to talk to Cas. At least not when he was trying to talk to him about how he was coping with… With Sam’s absence. No. He turned around and walked back towards the bar.
“Where are you going?” Castiel sounded alarmed, but he didn’t move.
“Back in,” Dean replied, “now that I’m no longer drunk I can at least try to get laid. It sounds better than talking to you about my crap right now.” He didn’t look back to find out if Cas looked as disappointed as he probably should be.
Dean was cleaning blood and muck off his boot when a shadow fell over him. He gave a start but it was only Castiel. It had been a bit less than two weeks since their last meeting and Dean could still remember how that had turned out. He set back to work, cleaning with a grim expression.
“Hello, Dean,” Castiel greeted him anyway. “Do you have a case?”
“What remains of my case is currently sticking to my boots and my pants. But there’s always a next case,” he said gruffly. Castiel didn’t say anything and Dean scrubbed at his boot for some more minutes before it became too stupid and he threw both boot and rag on the table before him. “What do you want, Cas?” Castiel was looking through the books on Dean’s table.
“I wanted to let you know that Heaven didn’t kill me,” he replied dryly and Dean had to sigh. “I thought you might appreciate the company…”
“Why do you think I need company?” Dean demanded to know and got up from the chair. He had to get out of his dirty jeans before they became too stiff.
“Because the last time I tried to talk to you, you needed alcohol and sex to distract you… And the last time… that Sam was away you were willing to spend time with me,” Castiel said. Dean had tensed at the mention of his brother’s name and he felt anger rising in him to cover up the intense hurt it caused him.
“Sam’s not away, okay?! Sam’s in Hell!” Dean hissed and glared at Castiel. “You said you’d get him out. Wasn’t that your promise?! It’s been over three months and he’s still down there!” He knew he was probably being unfair to Castiel, but hurting others when he was hurt was something Dean did well.
Castiel’s face was impassive, not the least impressed by Dean’s misguided anger. Dean pulled his jeans off and tossed them into the closest corner, before he sat back down.
“I’m gathering knowledge and people who might have special access to tools and pathways. It’s not easy, Dean… I asked you to give me time.” He sounded so patient and it killed Dean inside.
“I know, Cas. Shit, sorry. I don’t want to shout at you but I’m just… I don’t know what to do,” he confessed quietly, rubbing his forehead. Castiel moved and for a moment Dean thought he would leave, but Cas was actually sitting down on Dean’s bed. Dean turned around in the chair, studying him. Cas looked a bit odd sitting on the cactus themed bed spread. He was stiff and clearly trying to relax. “What are you doing?”
“The last time when you were emotional you didn’t want to talk”, Cas said and Dean raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, that’s true. But…” Castiel was suddenly taking off his trench coat and Dean actually had to laugh. Cas looked awkward removing clothes and Dean had never seen him in such a state of undress. It was obvious that Cas tried to be casual and relaxed, probably to put Dean at ease, but it was just hilarious. Until Cas started to loosen his tie and open the buttons of his shirt. “Uhm… Are you okay Cas? Are you hot?” Castiel’s fingers stilled and he blinked up at Dean.
“I thought you might want to… get laid instead of talking about Sam.” Dean stared at Castiel. “Don’t… you want to get laid?” It took Dean half a minute of false starts before he actually managed to get words out:
“You and me?” Castiel was actually blushing and the absurdity of the situation made Dean slump in his chair, laughing.
“You don’t have to be mean…,” he heard Castiel say and when he looked at him again he found him buttoning up his shirt. Somehow that set off alarm bells in Dean’s head and he got out of the chair. Cas was obviously trying his best to help; not only with Sam but also with the bad moods Dean could get into. It wasn’t like he didn’t appreciate it after all.
“I’m sorry, Cas. It’s just… You’re still the guy who panicked at the brothel.”
“I’m aware,” Castiel said, his voice flat and he was still closing more buttons. “I’m more composed now at the prospect of having sex with you.”
“Do you even want to have sex with me? You know there are plenty of willing ladies out there,” Dean told him, trying not to be too weirded out by the conversation.
“Yes,” Castiel said, his voice sounding pretty firm. Dean crossed his arms, looking at Cas with no small amount of surprise. “Is that strange?”
“Nah, not really…,” Dean assured him. “I just don’t know what it’ll do to our… you know… friendship.”
“Does it have to do anything to it?” Castiel wondered but he was now opening the buttons again and Dean wasn’t entirely sure why he considered this a win. Sex with Cas had been something he thought about occasionally. Not seriously. Just… Cas was a good looking dude even if Dean wasn’t normally into dudes. And Cas was… Cas. He was important.
“I don’t know… Sex I can do… It’s the other stuff that’s…”
“There’s no need for other stuff,” Castiel assured him and then his hand was on Dean’s hip, pulling him closer. The touch was quickly gone again and Dean thought that this would probably be a bit of an awkward fumbling experience. But why the hell not?
“Okay,” Dean agreed and Castiel actually looked terribly relieved when he smiled up at Dean.
“Good. I can’t wait to feel your penis inside of me,” Castiel told him and Dean put his hands on Castiel’s shoulders, dropping his head on top of Castiel’s. The dark messy hair did little to muffle Dean’s laughter. “Was that the wrong thing to say? Don’t you want to penetrate me?”
“It’s just that…,” he straightened and grinned down at Cas. He put his hands on Castiel’s cheeks, stroking his skin with his thumbs. “It’s kinda totally a Cas thing to say…”
“Well, obviously it is since I said it,” Cas said, but then he actually yelped when Dean pushed him down.
“Let’s just have sex, okay?”
“Yes please.”
Having sex with Cas was surprisingly easy. They saw each other almost every week, sometimes more than that. They talked about one of Dean’s hunts or what was happening in Heaven and then they’d just fall into bed with each other.
“I found someone who knows someone who has heard rumors about a back door leading to the Cage,” Castiel said, still panting from the exhaustion. Dean groaned and opened his eyes. He was just coming down from an amazing orgasm and his dick was still inside of Cas. This was really not the right time to talk business.
“Cas,” Dean whined and Castiel slipped off of Dean to lie down next to him. Dean immediately gathered him in his arms, not willing to lose the amazing orgasm afterglow this quickly. Cuddling while trying to regain his breath was okay. Though he was pretty sure that Cas was okay with any kind of cuddling.
“I just wanted to let you know that I’ll follow this lead and might be able to rescue Sam soon.” Dean lifted his head at that and looked down. Cas was looking up at him through his lashes. Dean took a deep breath and then he gave Cas a squeeze and kissed the top of his head.
“That’s great, baby.”
“You don’t sound very confident,” Castiel observed and Dean reached out to take Castiel’s hand in his. He pulled it towards his mouth to kiss his knuckles. “Why not?”
“I don’t dare to hope… I’ve looked into so many different things and have found no way to save Sam… It just seems… Hopeless.” Castiel shifted against Dean, sitting up slightly to look down at him.
“It’s not hopeless, Dean… I’m far more confident about this than I was about us stopping the apocalypse.”
“Yeah… You were just waiting to die after all,” Dean said with a small, sad laugh. Cas sighed and lowered himself again. His free hand was pressed against Dean’s cheek and his mouth covered Dean’s in a series of gentle kisses.
“Good things will happen eventually, even to you, Dean,” Castiel promised and with a final kiss he withdrew. Dean closed his eyes and tilted his head backwards, pressing it deeper into the pillow. When he opened his eyes again he saw Cas dressing. It was odd… Dean was actually sad to see him go.
It was what they did. This was just casual sex; a friend with benefits kind of deal. But his arms felt empty without Cas and he was cold without the solid press of Cas’ warms body next to his. Nothing had really changed. Dean still hunted, he still ached. He was still Dean Winchester.
But now he craved things that were softer, happier and healthier than a bottle of cheap whiskey and the distraction of another soft body moving with his.
“You’re the good thing, Cas,” he said long after Cas was gone.
The two weeks of silence from Cas really grated on Dean’s nerves. He decided to give the case he was working on to another hunter (just an easy salt and burn now that Dean had done all the research) to prevent disasters from happening.
He was pacing the floor of his motel room before he figured that it didn’t help his nerves. He sat down at the table and glared at nothing. The room he had gotten was nice, actually since he and Cas had started being a thing of sorts Dean had made an effort to get nice rooms. The bed spreads were dark red with black patterns and the atmosphere was downright romantic.
“Dean Winchester?” Dean cursed and had a gun aimed at the intruder before he could properly gain his bearings. A woman stood before him, the suit she wore made him guess that she was an angel.
“Who’s asking?” he growled, still not lowering the gun even though he knew that it was pointless to fire at an angel. The angel lady smiled at him, though it wasn’t necessarily a smile that put him at ease.
“My name is Naomi. Castiel sent me to let you know that he has successfully breached Hell and has found the Cage. It will take him about two days to return to you.” Dean stared at her, his mouth wide open. He lowered his weapon and put it on the table.
“Cas mentioned you…,” Dean said, more to himself. He didn’t trust her because he couldn’t really trust any angel that wasn’t Cas, even if Cas did. “So what… What does that mean?”
“I suggest that you prepare a nice home for Sam’s return as he will need rest. Castiel might need to recover too, depending on how the rescue goes.”
“A… A home?” Dean asked and looked around the motel room before he looked back at the angel.
“I can take care of it for you,” she offered and Dean didn’t know what to do but nod. “And another question. Castiel will of course also rescue your half-brother. How should we proceed with him? Return him to his Heaven?” Dean looked at her, surprised. Of course he hadn’t forgotten about Adam, but he hadn’t actually thought about what would be happening to the kid.
“You can’t just kill him again!”
“I don’t know, you tell me,” Naomi challenged. Dean glared at her, but she smiled amicably.
“Zachariah promised that he’d see his mom again. So get him his mom back and let them return to their lives.”
“With their memories intact?”
“You can’t just take them their memories!” Dean argued and lifted his hand. “Just… figure something out!”
“As you wish,” she said and with the sound of wings she was gone. Dean’s heart was pounding in his chest and his hands were trembling. Was it really going to happen? Was Sam really coming back? Dean had to sit down on the bed and after a moment he grabbed his phone. He had to talk to Bobby.
Dean found a signed contract of him having apparently bought a property on the next day. All legal documents seemed real and Dean hacked into all kinds of databased so check that it was legit. His files were cleared, he was a free (living) man with no criminal record, a house owner and a bank account with an incredible amount of cash on it.
“Jesus Christ, Bobby! I’m a millionaire! I even have a proper health insurance!” he shouted into his phone, standing in front of the Heaven sponsored house. It was standing at the end of a road, with lots of gardens and fields beyond. It was a nice house, maybe a bit too big for just him and Sam. But damn.
“Well, you’re the Righteous Man, right? That must count for something. It’s nice that Heaven’s given you a reward,” Bobby said while Dean was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that this was his house.
“Why should Heaven give me a reward! Bobby, they’re all dicks!” Dean hissed into the phone and unlocked the door. The entrance hall was light flooded and inviting. He could see down the corridor into the kitchen and to his side was a big living room. It was fully furnished already and… It looked perfect.
“Maybe because Cas is running Heaven now, you idjit?” Bobby said and Dean guessed that this was at least true. Though was Cas really running Heaven?
“If that guy is getting me Sam back in one piece I’m gonna kiss the ground he walks on,” Dean said, hardly being able to contain laughter that bubbled up inside of him. He sat down on his couch in his living room. It even smelled like home.
“You’d better,” Bobby said and then he hung up. Dean shook his head and looked around him. He had a roof over his head. Wasn’t that amazing?
Dean wasn’t even embarrassed that the first thing he did when he saw Sam again was cry. Sam looked like shit, but he was alive and he was warm and he smiled tiredly when Dean hugged him. Sam didn’t speak, but let himself be guided into the bedroom Dean had prepared for him and fell asleep almost the second his head hit the pillow.
Castiel was leaning heavily against the back of the chair Dean was sitting on and Dean recalled what Naomi had said. With a long look at Sam to make sure that he was still breathing evenly he got out of the chair and wrapped Cas up in his arms.
“Cas… Cas thank you,” he whispered and kissed him. Castiel smiled into the kiss. “I think you need to sleep. You can tell me all about how you managed to do this once you rested.” Castiel didn’t argue with that and let himself be led to Dean’s room. Dean stripped Castiel and put him to bed, careful to draw the blanket up to Castiel’s chin and kissing him a couple more times for good measure.
“When… When I wake up again,” Castiel said, stopping Dean from leaving his side. He had his eyes closed already and it took a moment before he continued. “I have something important to tell you.”
“Yeah, sure baby,” Dean replied gently. “You sleep now. You did good. I’m very proud of you.” Castiel’s mouth pulled into a weak smile and then he was out like a light. Dean watched him for a couple of minutes, fondness and adoration filling his chest. Then he turned around and went back to keep vigil at Sam’s bedside.
Sam only woke up once and it wasn’t caused by the Hell nightmares that Dean had expected. He simply frowned at Dean.
“Am I home?”
“You’re home,” Dean assured him and with a grunt Sam turned around in bed and slept on. It was… amazing to say the least. When Dean was sure that Sam was really fine, he dozed off in his chair until the sunlight woke him up. Sam was still sleeping peacefully, so Dean went down to the kitchen to make himself some coffee. He heard someone walk down the stairs and soon enough Cas was looking into the kitchen. He was adorably disheveled and Dean was a bit overwhelmed with how much in love he was with that dude. Castiel sat down in the chair and even accepted a glass of juice and some pancakes.
“Sam’s really back… When I woke up I thought it was all just an amazing dream… But it wasn’t,” Dean told him and saw Castiel rub his eyes, apparently still tired. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”
“Yes… But…” He looked up at Dean, his expression serious and even the tiniest bit nervous. “Can we talk?” Dread froze Dean to the spot and he had to force himself to take a seat next to Cas. He clutched the hot cup of coffee like a lifeline and braced himself. Of course there would be a catch. It had just been too good to be true. Maybe he had actually died and gone to Heaven and nobody had bothered telling him.
“Yeah… What’s up?” Cas seemed to compose himself.
“I’m pregnant.”
That was definitely not what Dean had expected to hear.
“You’re pregnant?”
“Yes,” Castiel replied.
“There’s a baby growing inside you?”
“Yes.” Dean stared at Castiel and waited for him to reveal that he was joking. It was a very bad, not very funny joke, but still a joke. But none of it came. The angel merely looked at him, anxiously awaiting some sort of reaction from Dean. Dean was at a loss.
“Okay… I’m gonna have to ask,” he said and looked Cas up and down. “How? You don’t exactly have the regular equipment needed to carry a baby.” He tried to go for an easy laugh, but it probably came out sounding desperate and confused.
“Angels don’t procreate as you humans do… I’m sure Raphael will be happy to explain how my pregnancy came about in detail, but as it stands, I’m pregnant and my vessel is currently changing to accommodate the physical body of our child.” Dean propped his elbows up on the table and covered his face with his palms.
“You didn’t think to use angel protection or something?” was all Dean managed to force out.
“I haven’t been informed of this being possible. I’m as surprised as you are,” Castiel told him and his cheeks were actually a bit red. Dean guessed that this was probably the angelic version of an uninformed teen getting knocked up. Which was a bit of a pathetically hilarious idea.
“Oh, okay then,” Dean said and shook his head, laughing gently.
“You’re laughing again. Dean… This is a difficult situation for me, please-“ Dean only laughed harder at that but when he saw Castiel’s panicked expression he got out of his chair and pulled Cas to his feet so that he could hug him.
“Everything’s okay, Cas. Don’t worry. I’m with you,” he assured him, pressing gentle kisses into his hair. Castiel relaxed against him immediately and Dean pulled him a bit closer. He felt Cas’ stomach press into his and there was actually… a tiny little bump. Small, but noticeable enough when they were hugging. He drew back and looked down.
“You’re having my baby?” he asked again, carefully putting his hands against Castiel’s middle.
“Yes…,” Castiel told him and studied Dean’s face. “Is that… okay?” Dean smiled at him and pulled him close for a kiss.
“Cas, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” he told him between kisses. “I love you so much.”
“Dean…!” Cas’ voice came out hoarse but then his arms where thrown around Dean’s shoulders.
“I hope this won’t interfere too badly with your new career as Heaven’s sheriff,” Dean joked, rubbing his hands up and down Castiel’s warm back. Castiel took a step back to look at Dean, smiling brightly. Dean had to swallow around the lump in his throat. “Thanks… For everything… You’ve actually made this all possible.”
“No… You did… You prevented the apocalypse, Dean… You deserve all the happiness in the world,” Castiel assured him and his eyes were a bit wet. Dean was pretty sure he had tears streaming down his face. “I hope that I can be part of your happiness.”
“I wouldn’t be happy if you weren’t… You and the little one in here,” he said and patted Castiel’s still relatively flat stomach. “I still can’t believe I’m going to be a dad!”
“You will, once my midsection will grow larger and larger. I’m glad you can’t see my true visage because I’m already huge. Your child has a big, bright soul.”
“Oh, I’m sure your true visage is just as overwhelmingly hot as you are,” Dean whispered and Castiel lowered his eyes, looking at Dean the way he knew would get him out of his pants in two seconds. “I think we should make good use of my bed.”
They didn’t actually get as far as Dean’s bed, making the kitchen table the site of the celebratory “we’re going to be parents” sex.
Fortunately Sam slept through it all.