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The baby was crying, and Marco didn't know what to do.
He had tried everything. She didn't need changing. She didn't need burping. She wasn't hungry. Even her favorite toys weren't working. She'd been wailing nonstop for 45 minutes and counting, and Mom and Dad wouldn't be home for another two hours.
With a sigh, he pulled his phone out of the pocket of his hoodie and hit the speed dial. It was time to call in reinforcements.
"Hey Star! Do you know any spells to calm down a baby?"
"What..." came the voice on the other line. "Marco, do you have any idea what time it is here in Mewni?"
"Uh, 6:50 PM, right? Mewni time is the same as Earth time." He scratched his head.
"Exactly!" said Star. "And I have to be at a state dinner with Eclipsa at 7:00! I'm sorry, you know I'd love to help, but Mewni needs me. You'll just have to use the magic of Normal Babysitting."
"Aww, okay, I guess. Do you at least have any ideas? Mariposa has been screaming all evening and I've tried everything!"
"Did you try burping her?"
"Yes."
"Did you try the puppets?"
"Twice. Nothing!"
"Did you try asking her what's wrong?"
"That's not going to work, Star! Babies can't talk."
"Okay, but isn't she a teenager in the dimension where you have those super hot abs? Just take her there and you can have a normal conversation, right?"
Marco slapped his forehead. "Of course! I should have thought of that myself!"
"Glad to help," said Star. "Are we still on for tacos tomorrow?"
"Yeah, definitely, see you then!"
"Awesome, bye!" Star hung up.
"Isn't the Neverzone, like, super dangerous?" said Janna.
"Bwah!" said Marco, jumping into a karate stance. "Janna! How did you get in here? And why are you in my house?"
"Relax, dude, I'm just picking up the sandwich I left here last time I was over. Your back door was unlocked," she said, in between bites of sandwich.
"I'm preeetty sure I locked it," said Marco.
"Well, yeah, and I picked the lock, so then it was unlocked. It's no big deal. Why are you bringing your loud baby sister into a totally metal dimension of adventure and death?"
"Mariposa was trapped there for over a decade," Marco explained, relaxing. "In that dimension, she's...well, not a baby."
"Ha ha, cool," said Janna. "Well, good luck fighting monsters with your sister or whatever. I'm just going to grab my laundry out of your dryer. Catch you later!"
Janna walked out of the room, leaving behind a confused Marco and a screaming infant. Marco scratched his head and stared after her for a moment, then shrugged and took out his dimensional scissors. "Okay, Mariposa. Let's communicate." Two snips later, a portal hung in the air. Gingerly, he picked up his sister, braced himself, and strode through.
Marco found himself in a forest of dead trees with three full moons overhead and a teenage girl in a onesie cradled in his now-beefy arms. "You can put me down now," said Mariposa sulkily.
Marco set her on her feet and immediately pulled her into a hug. She rolled her eyes and returned it. After a moment, they separated. "Mariposa, I love you, but you've been crying all night and it's driving me up the walls. What's wrong and how can I help?"
Mariposa sighed heavily and moved to sit on a nearby log. It rolled out from under her at the last moment, sprouted teeth, and tried to bite her. She hit it with a flip kick as she sprang back to her feet, and the log retreated, vanquished. Then she sat on a rock and said, "Being a baby is. So. Frustrating! ARRGH!"
"Sorry?" said Marco.
"Why am I crying? Why AREN'T I crying?" She paced angrily, occasionally breaking her stride to punt away the scorpion-squirrels who were beginning to take interest in potential victims. "You don't know what it's like, Marco. When you came back from here, you were a kid again, but you could still walk, and talk, and fight, and DO things. I can't! Meteora and I spent fourteen years learning to take care of ourselves and having each other's backs, and now back on Earth I can't do any of it!" Tears welled up in her eyes. "It's so hard, Marco. I love you, and I love Mom and Dad, and I love breakfast burritos, and I don't want to go back to living in the Neverzone. But sometimes, it's just...it's scary. Being helpless. Relying on people who aren't my sister."
"I'm your sister!" protested Marco. He sat down on the rock next to her and put his arm over her shoulder. "Or, I mean, brother, I guess. Same thing. And I promise, you can rely on—pterodactyl!" A massive flying dinosaur screeched as it swooped down on them. Marco punched it in the face. Mariposa hit it with a stick. It flew away.
"I know," said Mariposa, sitting down again. "And I trust you. But it's still hard, feeling out of control like this. And the feels kind of just...hit me all at once tonight. Once I started crying, I couldn't stop."
"So...you were crying because of general trauma and angst, and not any one specific problem?"
"Well, that and...um. I wanted applesauce." She blushed.
"That, I can do!" Marco said proudly. "And...I'm sorry it's been tough on you emotionally. I may not know exactly what it's like, but I've had feelings like that before, too."
"Thanks, Marco," said Mariposa, rubbing away her tears. They shared a hug.
"Are you ready to go back to Earth now? Because I think those trees are moving to surround us," said Marco.
"Can we talk like this again? And bring Meteora too? This was nice. Even if it is kinda weird that I'm wearing baby clothes." Mariposa brushed some dirt off her onesie.
Marco smiled. "Of course. It's not like these dimensional scissors are going to stop working in the near future!"
The two siblings laughed and stepped through the portal. As it closed, dead tree branches swiped at the space where it had been.
Back on Earth, Marco picked up his baby sister, carried her to the kitchen, and got out the applesauce.