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There’s a thing about bad nights. Everyone has them. Some have more than others, but everyone has bad nights, where the darkness is too much and the need for comfort is overpowering.
It’s those nights Sana calls.
It’s not that she doesn’t call on other nights too, but the ones where she calls with no warning and no hello.
…
“Can you come over?” Sana croaks through the phone on one such night. Momo knows her well enough to analyze the situation. A few hours ago, it was a text asking if Momo had plans. Half an hour it was another text, this one asking how Momo was doing. And it’s texts like that Momo had come to recognize.
“I’m there in thirty seconds.” Momo answers through the phone, a plastic bag dangling from her wrist and a smile on her lips waiting for Sana to react.
“What do you mean?” Sana doesn’t seem to realize anything yet.
“I mean I know you.” Momo tuts, turning the corner and reaching Sana’s door. She presses the buzzer for Sana’s apartment. They’ve been best friends for years and years, so really, does Sana actually expect Momo to not know her by now?
“Wait, someone’s at the door.” Sana says on the other end. There’s footsteps and then a voice calls both on the door phone and through Momo’s phone. “Hello?”
“Let me in, you dumb-dumb.” Momo answers both phones at once, not unhappy with the little gasp Sana emits. Then there’s a buzz from the door and Momo pushes it open with ease and habit. She knows this door well. She knows the hall and the elevator and the little ping that tells her she’s reached the seventh floor. And as she door opens she recognizes another thing; Sana’s head sticking out of the door, disbelief on her face.
“How are you here?” Sana asks as soon as Momo reaches her. “I called less than a minute ago.”
“Well if you’re going to complain I’ll just leave again.” Momo teases, turning around. But a hand grasping her wrist makes her stop.
“Don’t you dare.” Sana huffs.
Momo chuckles and turns back towards Sana, holding up the plastic bag still dangling from her free wrist. “As if I could eat all this by myself anyways.”
“You brought food ?” Sana sounds absolutely flabbergasted.
“I’m hungry. And so are you.”
“How do you know that?” Sana steps backwards into her apartment, letting Momo step inside.
Momo closes the door and kicks off her shoes. “It’s part of the best friend job description.”
“Really? Under what part of the contract?” Sana asks, her words quippy but her tone unsure.
“The one where it’s my job to know that when you text me randomly asking if I have plans without then asking me over is a sign that your mind is going in circles.” Momo exposes her.
Sana looks caught. “Maybe I just- you’re really here?” Sana asks carefully.
“Of course.” Momo says as casually as she can manage. Despite her attempts at cheering up Sana, Momo can’t help but notice just how at war Sana seems to be with herself.
Sana bites her lip. And in two quick strides her arms wrap around Momo’s shoulders and she buries her face in Momo’s neck, her breathing shallow and her words whispered thanks.
Momo pats her back with the hand currently not holding the bag of food. It takes longer than usual, but eventually Sana draws back, her eyes flickering between Momo’s for a moment. Then she draws back completely, walking away, towards the kitchen.
“Coke or sprite?” Sana asks. Then nods to herself. “Nevermind, it’s always coke.”
Momo smiles. Sana knows her just as well as Momo knows Sana. She’s just a little out of it tonight.
“So, what’s got your stomach in a knot?” Momo asks, placing the bag of food on the coffee table and settling in Sana’s couch as easily as had it been her own home.
“I don’t know.” Sana shrugs, bringing over a bottle of coke and two glasses.
Sana pours soda for them while Momo unpacks the food. It’s habitual. Like an old married couple, Chaeyoung says. But they’re not. They’ve just known each other long enough to act the part. And it’s the part where Momo hands Sana a pair of chopsticks that she barely has to look to grasp, and where Sana can immediately guess which box contains her favorite steamed dumplings.
“I have no clue where my life is headed.” Sana says casually before taking the entire dumpling into her mouth and chewing, closing her eyes at the taste.
“I thought it was headed towards a promotion?” Momo asks curiously. Now that she’s thinking about it, that was a few days ago, and Momo still hasn’t heard if Sana actually got it or not.
“Well yeah, but I mean beyond that.” Sana sighs, covering her mouth with her hand. She takes a mouthful of soda and swallows.
Momo thinks long and hard about how to answer this one. She’s used to Sana being distraught about lovers or her patients or her parents, but never something like this. If she’s been mulling over something like this, it’s unlikely to simply be solved with a joke or a hug.
“Sometimes you just have to let life happen.” Momo eventually says.
“What do you mean?” Sana asks, grabbing another dumpling.
Momo leans back on the couch. “Well most things in life happen on accident. It’s just this weird mix of coincidences and chances and choices. Sure, you can work for a goal, but you can’t decide if you’re going to reach it or not. You can’t see the entire path, not ever. You just see the current decision and have to go by your gut hoping that it will pull you in the direction you want.”
Sana chews absentmindedly on the dumpling, eyes on the empty chopsticks she’s holding.
“I guess you’re right…”
Momo moves forwards towards the box of dumplings once more, and this time Sana moves back. She slumps against the back of the couch and looks into the ceiling, a tired groan building in her throat.
Momo looks around at her for a moment. Then she takes another dumpling.
“Did something in particular spark this?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know.” Sana sighs, looking at Momo once more.
Momo chews on the dumpling, looking back at Sana, tilting her head as a question to Sana’s previous statement.
“It’s nothing.” Sana tries, but she seems to believe it as little as Momo does. “Well, the thing is, I don’t want to die alone.”
Momo raises her eyebrows.
“One of my patients died today. She died all alone, barely seventy. And there wasn’t a single person there to hold her hand. She just died alone. No next of kin. No siblings, no spouse, no kids. Not even a cousin.”
Momo lets out a soft breath. So that’s what it’s about.
“You want family.” Momo concludes quietly.
Sana nods. Then she leans forwards again, grabbing the chopsticks and another dumpling.
“You have me.” Momo says carefully. She knows it’s not the way Sana wants family, but it’s the best she can offer.
Sana doesn’t answer. She just swallows her food, reaches for the glass and drinks.
“Want to watch a movie?” Sana asks as if she hadn’t heard.
Momo doesn’t object.
…
There’s always a point in every movie where you can feel it coming to an end. It’s the experience built by movie after movie based on the exact same structure. Conflict and solution. Attempt and result. It’s the eternal story, over and over again. How do you react to change? What breaks the pattern? Will you find your happy ending or perish in the search for it?
…
Momo hasn’t broken pattern, ever. She’s not a main character. She’s just a supporting character. But she likes it that way. It’s safer. She likes being Sana’s supporting character. She likes Sana’s head in her lap and likes the feel of Sana’s hair under her fingers.
“Are you sleeping?” Momo asks carefully.
“No…” Sana mumbles, turning in Momo’s lap to look up at her. “I just really hoped she would find love in the end.”
Momo knows Sana is referring to the girl in the movie. It was one of the sad ones. The ones that ended in heartbreak and solitude and silent hope of getting back up.
“She will.” Momo assures her. “We just don’t get to see it.”
“You’re so philosophical tonight.” Sana notes.
“You’re the one who started.” Momo chuckles and pokes Sana’s cheek.
Sana swats Momo’s hand away. “Stop it.”
“Why? It’s a very poke-able cheek.” Momo tries to do it again, and again and finally Sana grabs the hand instead of merely swatting it away.
“And what are you going to do now, huh?” Sana challenges.
Momo looks at her for a second. Then, with a single swift motion she aims for Sana’s midriff, causing Sana to shriek, sit up and pull away immediately. However, as her hand is still around Momo’s, Momo is pulled along, nearly toppling into Sana.
“You just can’t get enough of me.” Sana teases.
Momo narrows her eyes at Sana. “You’re a flirt. You shouldn’t flirt with your friends like this.”
“I’m not flirting.” Sana insists. “I’m just stating the obvious.”
“You were so flirting.” Momo shakes her head. “It’s dangerous you know, I might fall for you.”
“Then I better keep going then.” Sana smirks. Though there’s something in her eyes that makes Momo seek distance. Something that scares her.
“Well at least you’re feeling better.” Momo tuts, trying to draw back. It’s just kind of hard when Sana holds her in place.
“I am. I was feeling so down but I felt better the moment I saw you.” Sana says casually. Her eyes flicker between Momo’s. “How do you do that? Make me feel so much better, always?”
“It’s my job.” Momo shrugs. “And now you really are flirting.”
“Yeah.” Sana’s brow furrow. “I am.”
Then she moves.
Momo has less than a second to realize what’s going on before Sana’s hand finds the back of her neck and Sana’s lips close on Momo’s. For a breathless second Momo loses herself in the feeling, returning the kiss eagerly. She kisses Sana with everything she-
Momo pulls back as soon as it hits her.
“Woah, hold on. What was that?” Momo stares at her best friend. Nothing makes sense, and everything inside Momo is in blind protest. “We don’t kiss.”
“Obviously not anymore, we don’t.” Sana grumbles.
Momo gapes, mostly inclined to just give hell to it all and return to thirty seconds ago. But this isn’t them.
“Sana. We don’t kiss.”
“You don’t want to?” Sana asks, tilting her head slightly. It’s so unfair. It’s not that the thought hasn’t ever crossed Momo’s mind, especially with Sana being who she is.
“I- well, I-. Sana we’re best friends this isn’t-” Momo doesn’t even know where she’s going anymore. “I can’t just kiss you.”
Sana’s lips purse slightly, and her eyes narrow. “But you do want to?”
“That doesn’t mean we should.” Momo tries.
The smile that spreads on Sana’s lips is annoying and wonderful, and makes Momo wonder just for a moment what it could be like. Though to Momo’s surprise she finds that it wouldn’t actually change much. They’d still lead the same lives and want each others’ company, just… more.
“You do know that if you kiss me again, you’re never getting rid of me, right?” Momo tries to break the nerves building in her stomach.
“You know, I kind of hoped you’d say that.” Sana hums.
…
The stretch of a body makes Momo’s drowsy mind surface, and the breathy chuckle makes her turn her head. The girl next to her has the widest most lazy smile on her face, and the brown hair spreads onto the pillow with an elegance that makes her entire appearance seem completely unattainable. At least she should be so to Momo. But she isn’t. And as she slowly opens her eyes, it’s Momo’s eyes she finds immediately, locking onto them with a curiosity and a softness that makes it impossible not to want closer.
Momo’s palm finds her cheek as if it was instinct, cupping it gently and running a thumb over the soft skin. She leans in so close she can feel the warmth of her skin.
“You’re still here..” Sana croaks sleepily.
“Of course I am.” Momo smiles. “You’re never getting rid of me now, I’m just going to stay right here, always.”
“What are you going to do when you need to pee, then?” Sana chuckles at her own joke, and Momo tuts.
“Well at least you find yourself funny.”
“So… you and me? We’re… real?” Sana opens her eyes a little more, the gaze flickering between Momo’s.
Momo nods and kisses Sana. Her lips are dry and she tastes like sleep but Momo couldn’t care less. She just keeps kissing Sana. Because in a moment her life has changed, and now the possibility of a world where she doesn’t get to wake up next to Sana is too cruel.
“I can pinch you too if you need extra reassurance.” Momo shrugs.
Sana rolls her eyes and smiles. And there’s something in the way Sana stares with such love (and amusement) and Momo thinks it’s probably everything she never knew she wanted. Even if Momo can’t help but tease her a bit, as she strokes across Sana’s hairline.
“Was this your big plan? To just stare at me forever?” Momo chuckles.
“You said you’d never leave, right? That means I have this view forever.” Sana’s voice is completely unabashed, and Momo feels the warmth in her cheeks.
“You’re a flirt. Anyone ever tell you that?” Momo notes, kissing Sana one more time before leaning back on her elbow.
“Once or twice.” Sana shrugs. Then she shifts in the white sheets, leaning over to close the distance between them once more.
Momo doesn’t object.