Chapter Text
Navigating through the swarm of lunch tables, you could pick up bits of out of context conversation as you passed.
“Nuh-uh, it’s still the law to wear a seatbelt on the toilet, Craig!” you heard Clyde exclaim, causing a confused look to cross your features.
Shaking your head and vowing to never even try to understand just what the hell went on in this town, you continued on, searching for the distinct colour of Red’s hair to help you locate where your friends were sitting. Suddenly spotting your group, you made a beeline for them. The sound of an argument became clearer and clearer as you approached your lunch table. Not from your table, you realized gratefully. No, it was coming from the table to your left, where Stan’s group was sat. As you turned your attention to the boys, you noticed that South Park’s resident spawn of Satan, Eric Cartman was involved in yet another heated argument with Kyle. Sitting down at your table, you greeted your friends and began to unpack your lunch. All the while, you kept an ear trained on the conversation happening at the table a few down.
“Shut up fatass!” you could hear Kyle’s trademark retort ring out.
“Fuck you, Kyle, you stupid virgin!”
“What the hell does that even have to do with anything, you stupid fuck? You’re not even one to talk, I don’t think anyone wants to touch you with a ten-foot pole!”
“I bet you’re gay, huh? That’s why you’re always staring at me in the locker room you fucking perv!” Eric shoots back, now gaining your full attention.
“I don’t stare at you in the locker room, fat ass! If anything it’s because I can’t believe someone our age can let themselves go as far as you have.”
“I bet you haven’t even kissed a girl since that time in the sixth grade! Face it, Kyle, no one’s ever gonna wanna sleep with a ginger Jew from Jersey!” Cartman sneered, making your jaw drop. You fully knew that Cartman was a hateful little bastard, but every time he opened his mouth to spew his shit you couldn’t help but be shocked all over again.
Glancing at Kyle, you could tell he was getting upset. His face was so flushed it was almost the same colour as his fiery hair. You could tell he wasn’t just angry at Eric’s bigoted remarks, he was also embarrassed at the accusations being thrown at him. The vehement way Kyle was denying Eric’s claims only seemed to further egg the larger boy on. Suddenly, you felt bad for Kyle. The two of you were kind of close, one of his best friends had been dating one of yours on and off for a while now which meant that the two of you had hung out plenty of times. Even when Stan and Wendy had been on the outs, you and Kyle would still sometimes hang out, either playing video games or just hanging out by Stark’s Pond. Secretly you’d always harboured a crush on him, but never quite had the guts to do anything about it. But taking another look at the redhead’s flustered face, you decided you should help him out. Your body moved before your brain could even take a second to think about what you were doing.
Before you could second guess yourself, you had already marched right up to their table and plopped down beside Kyle and grinned at the four boys. All of them gave you surprised looks at your sudden intrusion.
“Hey babe, wanna skip the rest of the day and get out of here? Seeing you in that tight sweater has me all worked up.” You say to Kyle, tracing your fingers around his collarbone.
“Uhh...umm...what…?” is all that he manages to get out, his wide eyes darting rapidly between his three friends before settling on you as if to say ‘what the hell are you doing?’
You scoot even closer to him and bring your lips to his ear. “Just go with it and thank me later,” you whisper at him, before pulling back and giving him a coy smile. “Oh, I’m sorry, I know you wanted to keep this thing between us a secret but...I just want you so bad that I can’t wait anymore...”
“What the fuck are you talking about, bitch?” Eric sneered at you, taking in the way you were practically on Kyle’s lap.
When you turn your gaze to meet Eric’s, you meet his hateful eyes with a cold look of your own.
“What does it sound like, asshole? I have an itch only Kyle here can scratch,” you shot back, watching Eric’s face twist in disgust at your innuendo.
“So...is this why you turned me down last week, (Y/N)?” Kenny asks, looking slightly envious of his redheaded friend.
“Sorry McCormick, I’m just super into redheads,” you smirk back at the blond.
Turning back to Kyle, you told him, “Oh but this time you can’t leave so many hickies on me, it was really tough trying to explain away all those marks on my tits to my friends.” The choked gasp that came from Kyle made you force yourself to suppress a smile.
Grabbing Kyle’s shaking hand and pulling him to his feet, you dragged him out of the cafeteria and towards the exit, ignoring the shocked looks of his friends as their eyes followed you out.
***
The two of you had made it Kyle’s house, and that’s where you found yourself leaning against his headboard staring at him as he sat on his desk chair. The tension between you two was palpable, and you spent the entire walk to Kyle’s house debating over whether you had done the right thing. Sure, you might’ve saved Kyle from Cartman’s ridicule for the moment, but was it worth the embarrassment you were now feeling?
“So... you wanna tell me what that was about?” It was the first time either of you had spoken since you left the cafeteria half an hour ago.
You glanced up to look at him, sighing. “I honestly don’t know. I just heard that idiot giving you a hard time and...I don’t know...I just thought it might get him off your back if they all thought we’ve been hooking up.,” you mumbled sheepishly.
“You wanted to help me? Why would you wanna do that?” Kyle asked, standing up and running his hands through his hair.
You stood up too, and replied, “Maybe there was a bit of wishful thinking on my part. Like if I put the idea of us being together in your head, maybe you’d finally make a move or something.”
“Make a move...as in...you like me back?” he exclaimed, his eyes going wide.
You made the few steps it took to bring the two of you chest to chest and looked up into his green eyes. “Yeah, obviously you idiot!”
“Ohh...well that’s...awesome…” he replied lamely, making you scoff. Clearly, you’d have to be the forward one here.
You grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him into a kiss. The startled sound he made quickly turned into a soft sigh as you deepened the kiss. Nervously, he brought his hands up to cup your face and pulled you even closer.
As the two of you pulled back, you both chuckled awkwardly. “So I was totally serious about your sweater working me up, you look seriously hot in it,” you remark, fiddling with the buttons on the aforementioned sweater.
Suddenly Kyle became nervous and fidgety. “(Y/N), Cartman was actually right about what he said. About me being a...virgin. So I’m not really sure what to do.” You could tell he was embarrassed to admit that to you, but you didn’t find his confession to be that big of a deal.
You pushed Kyle down onto the bed and straddled him. The mischievous glint in your eye made him flush nervously. “Well Kyle, I’d be honoured to teach you the ropes,” you wink at him, before pulling him into another kiss.
Suffice to say, Cartman would never make fun of Kyle for being a virgin after today.