Chapter Text
“What… what the fuc-heck?” Mark asked, staring intently at his phone as Donghyuck sent yet another link to a TikTok, whatever the hell that was.
He had clicked on the first one, which had directed him to a webpage, and after a minute of stabbing at his phone screen, there was a person wearing sunglasses with their hoodie all scrunched up, and a video.
Said video started off with, “Fun Ways To Tell Your Kids Your Dog Died”
First off, “Our dog passed away last night”
Then, “Billy, he finally croaked”
The music sped up: “Our pal commited deleten’don’t”
And, as the music played at an ungodly rate of quick: “DINNERTIME”
Donghyuck had then sent a series of laughing emojis, to which Jeno replied “LMFAOOOO” and Jaemin hearted, and Renjun and Jisung left on read. Chenle joined the chat, sending his own links, but when Mark clicked on that, it left him on a “TikTok” tab.
He was.
So confused.
He headed downstairs, where Johnny was, sprawled across the couch while watching a fried chicken commercial. Yuta, Johnny’s best friend who basically lived at their house, was staring at his phone with an almost manic intensity.
“JOHNNY.”
Without flinching, his brother looked up. “What, dickwad?”
“What’s a TikTok?”
Yuta grinned. “It’s the future, Mark.” He shoved his phone into Mark’s face, where a loop of a boy on stage danced to Billie Eilish’s “lovely”. The boy in question was blurry, but that could’ve been the fact that Mark wasn’t wearing his glasses, and the fact that Yuta had basically caused Mark to inhale his phone.
R.I.P. Mark Lee: Death from phone asphyxiation.
“Yuta, not everyone is obsessed with that dancing Chinese boy. He’s cute, he’s talented, he doesn’t know you exist. Get over yourself.”
“Johnny, don’t even insult WinWin like that- he is GOD okay he is my new religion he’s just- I- I love him more than life itself.”
“Isn’t that what you said about that Takada boy last week?”
“I cAn’T hEaR yOu.”
Mark, who had been quietly watching the exchange, yelled, “But what IS TikTok?!”
“People make videos about themselves, usually to music, to flex or perform and basically try and become famous.” Johnny replied, scoffing. “Try-hards. Only Vine.”
“Great, thanks,” Mark said, backing out of the room as Yuta tapped to another video.
“Do you see this, Johnny? This boy has three MILLION likes on this one.”
“So three million other people you need to compete with.”
“ShuT UP!” Yuta screeched, flicking a peanut at Johnny.
That was Mark’s cue to leave.
He sprinted to his room, taking the steps three at a time, before sliding and narrowly avoiding the doorframe. He downloaded the app, almost dropping his phone, before watching it load and finally pop up.
“Oh boy,” he breathed out, clicking on the app. Then he watched an ad for the Old Navy holiday sales. The first thing that popped up was a “For You” page, where some dude was throwing cheese at people. He scrolled past that, found some videos of girls dancing that he QUICKLY skipped, and then landed on something that read, “Hottest Guys On This App”.
He went down to the search button, and typed in “Haechan”, where an account that he thought was Donghyuck’s popped up.
And, well, was Mark in for a surprise.
Donghyuck was apparently TikTok famous, with 179.1k followers and 3.1M likes. What did he even do on his weekends?
He clicked on one with fifty thousand views, which took some time to load.
The camera was zoomed out, before zooming in and focusing on Donghyuck, who climbed onto his bathroom sink and sang 10,000 Hours. The comments were filled with “OMG SO TALENTED” and “He’s SO cuTE!” and “Doesn’t he kind of look like Jimin?” and “STOP COMPARING ALL ASIAN BOYS TO BTS MEMBERS”. Mark tried to press the heart, where a white tab popped up.
“You need an account to continue?” Mark wondered aloud.
Well, it wasn’t like he had anything better to do.
He set up his account, and waited for the verification code, and then returned to the video and liked it. It was actually really interesting, seeing how people reacted to him. What he viewed as annoying and clingy, others thought was endearing and quirky.
Others were wrong, obviously, but still.
Then he moved on to whatever video had blown up. It was a green screen of “Me and the Boys Glow-Ups”. It started with Renjun (the smart one), with his snaggletooth, before showing a photo of him being illuminated by the sunset. Mark remembered that time, the picnic at the top of the hill and chucking bread up into the sky for the birds. Then it moved on to Jaemin (the hot one) with an awkward peace sign and a backwards hat, and then his newest one, with light pink hair and a half-smirk. Mark had not been in that one. Because, you know, he wasn’t a creep that hung out in other people’s bathrooms. Jeno (the athletic one) with his toddler photo, and then a mirror selfie of him flexing his bicep. Mark swore he felt his legs twinge slightly- clearly, they hadn’t gotten over gym day, either. Chenle (the loud one) wearing a bunny hat, before cutting to a picture of him busking, complete with the eyeliner. Jisung (the shy one) started with a photo of him wearing a bright pink polo shirt and a pained expression, before showing a photo of him with his round glasses and wearing all Adidas. #spon. Mark (the dumb one) which he registered with a “hey, that’s me!” before letting out a small screech at the horrible “before” photo Donghyuck had chosen. Seriously, where did he even get a photo of tweenager Mark with that stupid Justin Bieber haircut? The glowup photo was better, one where Mark actually thought he looked good. It ended with “Me” (Haechan, the cute one) an adorable baby photo with lime green frosting all over his face, and then an “after” photo of him eye-raping the camera. Because of course. It ended with a picture of the seven of them, and the words “Choose Your Fav”.
The comments were filled with things like “Jaemin can like, get it” and “omg drop their @” and Mark’s personal favorite: “Are we not gonna talk about Renjun because he’s fucking gorgeous”.
Mark liked one comment that simply stated, “MORK”. He checked the hearts, and did a double take. 1.4M? Donghyuck got most of his likes from their group?
As he struggled his way through sending the video to the group chat- did he click on the link to copy it? The little paper airplane? How did SMS messaging work? Lord knew -he kept getting distracted by Donghyuck.
Which made less sense than the app itself.
When he finally managed to send the video, nobody responded.
Because of course.
Resigning himself to a life of forever being alone, he shut off his phone and pulled out his ukulele. Strumming the opening chords to Riptide- yes, he knows he’s basic, lay off -he started softly singing, cringing as his voice cracked.
“I was scared of pretty boys-”
He stopped. “Girls, girls, girls. Stop screwing up the words, Mark.”
Mark hummed a bit, before starting over.
“I was scared of pretty b-girls and starting conversations.”
He stopped entirely, still unsure why he was singing boys instead of girls.
What a wonderful world.
“Ooh-ooh-ooh… ”
*intense concentration as he tried to play the F major chord*
“And they come unstuck.”
He kept playing, slowly growing more confident, finally belting the second refrain of the chorus.
“I love you when you’re singing that song, and I got a lump in my throat, ‘cause you’re gonna sing the words wrong.”
Distant hollering from Johnny told him to stop playing, and he reluctantly returned his ukulele to its corner in the closet, where it would remain for another few months, gathering dust.
His phone buzzed, and he pounced, quickly unlocking it to see that Jaemin was appalled at the audacity of Donghyuck to not tag him as Jeno’s boyfriend.
o-o
Mark sighed and opened the app, scrolling around. Suddenly, he was struck with the idea of checking the popular trends of the app. One tag, #imyourtype, intrigued him. This being Mark, of course the single worst thing piqued his interest. It followed the same outline, “If You Like Guys/Girls Who Are…”, list of things, and then the aforementioned qualities showed off as they popped up to end the video.
And Mark suddenly understood Yuta’s obsession with random internet boys. Because golly gee damn, were some of those people attractive.
Today was looking to a day of continuous bad decisions, and it wasn’t like he had anYtHinG bETTeR tO dO.
If you like guys who...
Are socially awkward
Play multiple instruments
Perfect Asian Boy
Bye-lingual
Can’t draw or paint or keep plants alive
Rap
Like boba and hugs
Half-blind
The dumb one in a friend group
Will give you his hoodies
Respects you
Probably lived halfway across the country
You Know I’m Your Type, Right?
Then he hashtagged it with “for you page”, and posted it.
Mark left his phone in his room, and went into the living room, where he watched the second season of BNHA with Johnny and Yuta. Soon it was dark, Johnny and Yuta were fighting over what kind of pizza they should order, and Mark watched from the couch, eating his bowl of Cheerios.
That shit was better than any K-drama he could’ve streamed.
+++
“Oh my god,” Yuta said, letting out a small groan. “I think I’m gonna explode.”
“I’m not talking to you,” Mark replied, still miffed.
Johnny laughed and kicked at Mark, who tried dodging his foot and ended up getting jabbed in the side. “Come on, Marky. He only laughed at you while you were choking on a slice of pepperoni.”
“But did you see that?! I could’ve died!”
*inserts that one vine*
“But ya didn’t.”
“Why do I even bother hanging out with you two?” Mark asked, hugging himself.
Yuta stuck out his tongue. “Because you have no other friends.”
Mark let his head drop over the side of the couch. “Is there anyone you guys bully more than me?”
Johnny and Yuta looked at each other, and in unison, said, “Doyoung.”
“So, is Yuta staying over?”
“Thanks for asking, Mark! Yuta is indeed staying over, and Yuta may or may not draw on your face in permanent marker as you sleep!”
“Aight, imma head out.”
“But we were gonna put Winwin on the Apple TV!” Yuta protested, pouting.
“Oh, hell no,” Johnny said, already grabbing the remote. “I already watched three hours of your Boku No Hero Nahcademia.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t want to watch three hours of girl group music videos.”
“Of course not! We’re watching three hours of K-Pop crack compilations.”
“nnnnOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-” Yuta screeched, trying to reach for the remote before Johnny grabbed it. Alas, he was too late. Johnny already had it on, playing the intro to a Got7 crack compilation.
“Stop being so tall!”
“Stop being so short!”
“Stop being an asshole!”
“Stop being an idiot!”
Mark blinked.
“...You two need hobbies.”
Jinyoung's laugh blared from the speakers as Johnny gave him the death stare.
Mark slowly shifted from his position on the couch, wondering how fast he could maneuver his way out from the tangle of limbs and sprint upstairs.
“So, Mark,” Yuta gasped out, punching Johnny’s arm. “Do you think we’re gay for each other?”
“I plead the fifth.”
“Bruh,” Johnny said.
“But I’ll give you two some privacy, seeing as Yuta just confessed his undying love. Bye!”
As he headed up the stairs, taking them two at a time, he heard Yuta wonder aloud.
“Since when has Mark been such a savage?”
He closed the door before he can hear Johnny’s answer.
+++
Mark should be asleep. However, he isn’t. In less than two hours, he had become a TikTok addict.
It’s probably a new record.
Somebody knocked at the door, and Mark called out blearily, “Come in.”
Yuta poked his head in and giddily clasped his hands. “Perfect!”
“Perfect for what?” Mark asked, already wary of him.
“Perfect for a Makeover, with a capital M.”
Mark got up, only to shove Yuta out and lock the door. “GOOD NIGHT.”
He headed back to his bed, but before he had even fully gotten under the covers, the door clicked open.
Yuta poked his head in. “Come onnnn, Mark.”
“Haven’t you tortured me enough?”
He remembered incidents of the past- bleaching his hair, and curling his hair, and making him wear everything from all black leather to baby pink three-piece suits. Makeup, jewelry, hair pieces, shoes, hats and gloves and whatever other hand-me-downs those two scavenged. He had been coddled, made up, dressed down, made fun of, whacked at, and cackled at more times any self-respecting straight male should be. And he doesn’t even fit the first two categories.
“I refuse to do this.” Mark protested, squeaking a little as Yuta softly combed through his hair with his fingers.
“One time, Mark. Pinky promise I won’t make you look stupid.”
“Highly doubt that.”
As Yuta dragged him into Johnny’s bathroom, he saw tools piled around it. Makeup and hair products and something that looked suspiciously like a homemade piercing gadget were strewn around the room, most of them piled onto Johnny’s vanity (with three mirrors!).
“First, a sheet mask. Get your ratchet ass skin in shape, you’re going to church tomorrow.”
Yuta literally slapped Mark in the face with the pearl mask, and Johnny looked on, bored. “Another 20 minutes of waiting?”
“Shut up. We’re finishing that episode of Demon Slayer, anyways.”
“Wait, what’s Demon Slayer?”
“BROOOOOOOOOOOOOO-”
“-ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-”
“-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-”
“-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”
“This is why I think you’re gay for each other!” Mark shrieked.
“Bitch, what?” Johnny asked. “Okay, start from episode one- I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Love you too, bro,” Mark sighed.
“John, be a dear and tell Mark to stop talking, because it’s moving his face mask.” Yuta hissed through gritted teeth.
“Mark, stop moving.”
“Fuck you.”
“See, Marky, I’m flattered, but also, no. Save your virginity for Donghyuck.”
“I am not going to respond to that because of how messed up it is on so many levels-”
“-no, honey, it really isn’t. Johnny-o, hand me the straightener, would’ya?”
Mark slowly exhaled as the very hot object made its way towards his head, and only flinched a little bit when Yuta started straightening his hair. That was what they called a win.
Johnny’s phone propped up in the background was playing a scene in the winter, and we all take a moment to break the fourth wall and appreciate the animators of Demon Slayer.
“So, Mark, we’re taking you to Johnny’s Fashion Evaluation, where it is two in the morning right now and we’re debating what to put you in. I personally like a suit look with gelled hair, but as the barber has gone and done you dirty again, we’re going to go with a bit of a loose hair and straighten it to give it as much length as possible. I think… this is the week of boyfriend material. Enough with your half-wrinkled musty ass polo shirts and khakis, you’re going in wearing a sweatshirt.”
“But-!”
“Technically, the church doesn’t have any dress codes. And mom and dad are out of town.”
“Please don’t make me regret this.”
“Mark, the second you crossed the threshold into the bathroom, you were dead meat.” Johnny remarked, filing his nails.
“Just be glad I didn’t let Johnny buy that neon yellow lipstick.”
Mark shut up and let them work their magic. Before long, Yuta unplugged the straightener.
“We’ll just put some leave-in product to make the hair perfect-” he said, leaning into Mark’s ear and exhaling heavily. Now, let’s get this straight. Er, gay. Mark was 127% not interested in Yuta. First off, he was three, nearly four years older, and constantly in a state of whipped for someone else. That was just Yuta culture. However, he was a tease. A hot tease. And, okay, maybe there were some unresolved feelings from the crush Mark developed at the age of thirteen.
Moving on.
So, imagine yourself at thirteen, and your biggest crush decided to seduce you in a bathroom.
WAIT, SHIT, NOT LIKE THAT.
Mark was really just digging himself deeper into a hole. He let out a strangled gasp and nearly fell off his chair.
Yuta laughed in surprise and unscrewed one of the many products on the counter.
“Calm down, Mark,” Johnny said, rolling his eyes.
“I’m calm.”
As Yuta took the product and twisted strands of Mark’s hair around his finger, Mark pointed out the fact that his hair was naturally curly.
“Your natural curls are also mixed in with straight strands and random pieces of hair. That is not cute, or hot, or anywhere in the attractive spectrum. It makes you look like an unkempt poodle mix. Better to fry your hair and start again.”
“Are you still planning on attending beauty school?” Mark asked.
“Pfft, no. We’re doing something a little more substantial, something that can get me money in the future, because Mama Nakamoto said so. Ah, the wonders of Computer Engineering.”
“By the way, before you ask, he totally hates computer engineering.” Johnny added.
“No one asked, Jonathan.”
“Aish. When will you call me my real name?”
“Never.”
“You know, you’re a real pain in the ass sometimes.”
“I could say the same.”
“You don’t have an ass.”
“If I weren’t doing your little brother’s hair, I would’ve killed you by now.”
Johnny was probably about to reply with another snippy remark, but the ringing of his phone distracted him. “Shut up, both of you. It’s Ten.”
Mark let out a quiet, “Oooh,” before quickly shutting up as Johnny put on the fakest voice ever heard to man.
“Hey, Tenny.”
Yuta did an eyebrow raise at that, and Johnny glared and slashed his hand across his throat.
“Uh huh, yeah babe. You coming to church today?”
Mark snorted- since when did Ten show any interest in religion? -before Johnny smiled.
“Seriously?” Yuta hissed.
“wHiPpED…” Mark whispered.
“Sure, we can go.”
“Ew, domestic. Hey, Tenny-san, do you have a wedding date yet?”
Johnny shoved Yuta, knocking him into the other counter. “Square up!” Yuta yelled, waving a single fist wildly in the air.
“I’m really sorry for these dumbasses, Ten.” Johnny moved across the room, slapping Yuta’s mouth shut up and continuing to hold onto the phone with the other.
“Hey!” Mark exclaimed, greatly offended. “Dumbass, singular. Yuta’s the stupid one, I’m not even here of my own free will!”
“Sorry, the dumbass and the brat. Do you have any movies you want to see?”
Mark pantomimed gagging.
“M’kay, bye. Love you too.”
As soon as the phone was safely shut off, Johnny wheeled on them. “Do that again, and I break your kneecaps.”
Yuta drew himself up to his full height (still shorter than Johnny by a good five centimeters) and hissed, “Try me, bitch.”
Johnny looked down. Then dismissively waved his hand, before yawning. “I’m going to sleep. It’s two already, and church is at ten.”
“I’m also going to sleep,” Mark said, getting out of the chair and stretching. “See you guys soon.”
The two of them headed out of the bathroom, leaving a pissed off Yuta fuming in the background.
Yay, friendship!