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At first, Padme thinks that Anakin’s simply running late. He’s late sometimes, so it’s not out of the question that he could have gotten held up at work or something. Lord knows that the old drunk he works for relies on him to do absolutely everything. She keeps her cell phone in her hand while she waits for him to call or, more likely, text. But then an hour passes and she’s not so sure anymore. Anakin’s never been more than thirty minutes late before, after all. She sends him a text, saying nothing but a simple, ‘is everything okay?’
Thirty minutes later and there’s still no response. Padme’s now pacing the floor of her apartment, checking her phone every few seconds just in case. Anakin’s silence is worrying her more than she wants to admit. He’d said that he was going to leave work on time tonight, no later than four o’clock at most. But now it’s five thirty-eight and he’s still not here and he’s not responding to her texts. This is so far out of Anakin’s usual behavior that Padme doesn’t even want to think about why he’s not responding. She wants to believe that he’s simply trapped at work, but something tells her that he’s not. Finally, out of nothing more than pure desperation, she dials his cell. It goes straight to voice-mail.
Getting Anakin’s voice-mail sends a pulse of not right flooding Padme’s brain. Something has to be wrong. She paces again, uncertain what to do. There’s the house phone that she can try, but she doesn’t want to bother Anakin’s mother if there’s nothing wrong. She doesn’t know the number for his work and she doesn’t want to get him in trouble if he’s still there. The only other person she can think of is Obadiah. Sighing heavily, Padme calls Anakin’s best friend. If Obadiah - Obi for short - doesn’t know where Anakin is then no one will. He answers on the second ring.
“Padme. Thank God.” He sounds out of breath but there’s something else in his voice that sends a shiver up Padme’s spine.
Padme stops pacing the living room. “Obi, have you talked to Anakin? He’s-”
“We’re at the hospital. Naboo General.” Obi releases a quiet, pained sigh. “There was a robbery and Shmi was-she was hurt. Badly. They don’t know if she’s gonna make it and Anakin’s losing it. Can you-I know it’s your anniversary and you don’t want to spend it in the hospital, but can you-”
“I’ll be there in five minutes.” Padme interrupts. Her heart feels like it’s made of lead, but she slides her feet into her sandals as she hurries for the door.
Obi’s sigh is clearly relieved. “Thank God. I’ll meet you in the lobby. We’re up in a waiting room near the OR. Shmi’s-she’s still in surgery.”
Padme thanks him, hanging up as she races to her car. She finds her mother just climbing out of her own vehicle. Her mother has adored Anakin from the moment Padme introduced them. The look on Padme’s face must be truly worried because her mother stops in her tracks, a worried frown curling her lips.
“Padme, honey. What’s wrong?” Mom asks. She reaches to place a hand on her daughter’s shoulder.
Padme takes in a deep breath. “Someone broke into Anakin’s house. Shmi was hurt and the doctors don’t know if she’s going to make it and Obi said that Anakin isn’t taking it well.”
“You’re going to the hospital, then.” It’s not a question and Padme loves her mother all the more.
“I’ll let you know what happens, but I really have to go. Obi’s waiting for me in the lobby.”
She gives her mother a quick hug before bolting into the car. For the first time in her life she has trouble obeying the speed limits. By some miracle, she does obey them. Possibly this is because Padme has never broke the speed limit in her life. Realistically, this is probably because she’s too busy thinking about Anakin and Shmi and hoping that everything turns out all right to speed.
* * * * *
As promised, Obi is waiting for her when Padme finally walks into the lobby. Dressed in a pair of khakis and a simple white shirt, he looks more like a businessman than a college student. The terrified expression on his face is all that shows his young age and Padme hugs him tightly. Shmi is as much his mother as she is Anakin’s and she knows that this is breaking him apart inside. He pulls away, smiling gratefully.
“Anakin found her. He got home early and found her in the kitchen. The paramedic said that he might not have found her in time, though.” Obi’s voice shakes as he leads her to the elevators. “He hasn’t said a word since he called me to come and get him. The paramedics wouldn’t let him ride with her.”
Padme’s heart sinks again and she gives Obi’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“He didn’t want me to call you.” At her expression, Obi shakes his head. “Not because he doesn’t want you here, trust me. He just-he’s scared. He doesn’t deal with loss very well and he doesn’t want you to see him like this.”
“He thinks it’ll scare me off.” Padme says, her tone mirroring that of her mother’s.
Obi nods. “He wants you here, Padme.” He says nothing else, a man of few words as always.
The elevator dings and they step out into a small waiting area. At first glance, the waiting room is empty. It isn’t until Padme’s looks to a small couch sitting in the corner of the room that she sees Anakin. He’s sitting with his knees drawn up to his chest, chin propped on one knee. His face is red and his eyes are puffy. Her heart damn near stops when she looks at his hands, clasped around his shins. They’re stained with blood. That’s all it takes for Padme to go to him. He watches her walk toward him, shooting an accusatory glance in Obi’s direction.
“You called her.” He accuses, looking at Obi with a mixture of irritation and gratitude.
Padme reaches to pull him into her arms. “He didn’t call me. I called him because I was worried.” She murmured.
“Oh. I’m-I’m sorry.” Anakin’s voice is smaller than she’s ever heard it before.
“S’okay, love.”
He doesn’t say anything else, but he doesn’t pull out of her arms either. Padme runs a hand through his hair and down the back of his neck where she can feel his muscles clenching. A small sigh flees his lips as her hand rubs circles into his sore muscles. His breath hitches as he curls tighter into her arms, pressing his face into her neck, and Padme presses a kiss to his forehead.
Her eyes flit up to find Obi and her heart sinks a little as she finds him sitting alone on another little couch. He looks lost and a little afraid sitting there all by himself, his gray eyes flitting over to Anakin every few seconds. Padme doesn’t know how to comfort him, though. She knows that Shmi pretty much raised Obi as well, knows that she’s the only mother Obi’s had since his own died when he was six. She presses another absentminded kiss to Anakin’s forehead, wanting so badly to make all of this better and not knowing how.
“M’sorry I didn’t call.” Anakin whispers, his lips brushing against her neck.
Padme brushes a hand through his hair again. “It’s all right, love. I understand.”
“Still should have called. Not very gentlemanlike to leave you hanging.”
The words come from Shmi herself. Padme knows this because she’s heard the older woman tell Anakin more than once to be a gentleman, to be kind. And she knows that Anakin’s saying it now because he’s scared. She tilts her head so that she can look down at him and it makes her heart ache because he looks so young. He’s only eighteen but it isn’t until right this second that she realizes how young he actually looks. Her arm tightens around him at the thought.
“It’s okay, Ani. I promise. I’m not mad at you and I’m not going anywhere.” She resumes the slow rubbing of his shoulders. “Try to get some rest. I’ll be right here the whole time.”
He pulls away just enough that he can look at her. “Y-you’re sure?” He sounds so unsure, so unlike himself.
“Always. I love you, Anakin.” She kisses him gently, tastes the salt of his tears on her lips, and pulls him back down onto her shoulder.
“I love you too.”
She feels him relax into her arms again, feels the muscles unclench against her hand. He isn’t asleep, she knows he probably won’t be able to sleep until they know how the surgery goes. And afterward, if it doesn’t go the way they all want it to, he might not be able to sleep at all. Padme closes her eyes, sending up a prayer to whoever might be listening. She doesn’t pray that Shmi will survive, she’s seen the futility of those prayers. No, she just prays for strength. Strength for herself and for Obi and for Anakin. Strength to pull them all through the worst of this, no matter what might happen.
* * * * *
The hours pass in relative silence. Anakin speaks a few more times, his voice muffled in Padme’s neck. Obi moves closer to them at her insistence and, though he doesn’t say much, she knows that he’s grateful that he and Anakin aren’t alone here. It’s Obi who goes to fetch food for them, though Anakin insists that he isn’t hungry and he doesn’t eat more than a few bites of the sandwich that Obi brings him regardless. He does drink the water, though and Padme can’t eat much either so she can’t be angry with him.
They’re still sitting in silence when the surgeon comes out of the OR. He’s still wearing in scrubs and the expression on his face sends a bolt of ice shuddering down Padme’s spine. Oh, no. Please don’t let this be what I think it is. She sends the words up as a prayer, like maybe if she prays right now it’ll change whatever the doctor is about to say before he opens his mouth. Anakin clings to her hand as they stand up and Padme reaches to rest a hand on Obi’s shoulder too, a silent move of support as the doctor walks to meet them. God, the expression on his face hasn’t changed.
“Mr. Skywalker?” The doctor’s voice is like gravel.
Anakin swallows, nodding. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t look like he can. His hand tightens around Padme’s until it’s almost painful but she doesn’t say anything. It doesn’t matter. Bruises will fade but Shmi can’t be brought back.
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but your mother didn’t make it through the surgery.”
The doctor says nothing else, or maybe he does but Padme doesn’t hear him. Anakin’s expression is like ice, frozen in an instant of anguish that makes every part of her hurt. She turns, sweeping him into her arms without a word. He remains frozen for a moment before he slumps into her hold, burying his head into her shoulder as he cries. Padme can hear Obi’s voice murmuring softly behind them, but she doesn’t focus on it. She runs a hand up and down Anakin’s back, feeling it shudder and tremble beneath her touch. He’s talking through the tears but she can’t understand what he’s saying.
“I-I-don’t-” He’s trying so hard to talk, but the sobs keep interrupting him and she can feel his frustration. “I can’t-I-don’t-I-Padme-”
She hears her name, hears the pleading note in it. Pulling back, she cups his face in her hands. His eyes are red and puffy and she can hardly bear the pain in them.
“It’s okay, Ani. Let’s go home, okay? We’ll go home and I’ll take care you.” Her thumb strokes his cheek, dashing a few more tears.
He shakes his head. “I don’t have a home anymore.” It’s the first clear sentence he’s spoken and it shatters what’s left of her heart.
“I’ll give you mine.” She doesn’t realize how much she means that statement until it’s already been said. It’s true, though. She wants to give him the world but, since she doesn’t own the world, she can give him her home.
“I don’t have anything t-to give y-y-you.” His words tremble on every breath and his body shakes in her arms. “I don’t h-hav-have an-anything n-now.”
“I already have you. I don’t need anything else. C’mon, love. Let me take you home.” Her own voice is starting to shake now.
He slumps against her again, nodding. Padme looks up, sees Obi standing behind them still. The doctor is gone and there are tears on Obi’s cheeks. She’s never seen him cry before and her heart aches for him too.
“Obi. Are you going to be okay tonight?” She asks, needing to know that he won’t be alone.
He nods. “I, uh, I called Satine. She’s going to stay with me tonight.” His voice trembles, but he steadies it as he comes closer.
Anakin looks over at him and the pain that passes through their eyes makes Padme ache. They hug, briefly but tightly, and Obi murmurs something in Anakin’s ear before he pulls away to leave. Anakin returns to her side again, letting her pull him toward the elevator and out of the hospital. In the car, she calls her mother. The apartment she lives in is the one above her parents’ garage, after all. It’s not so much that she thinks they’ll care if Anakin moves in, but they’ll want to know. Mom answers on the first ring.
“It’s been hours. Honey, what happened?” Mom’s voice is quiet. She murmurs something to Padme’s father and Padme can almost imagine her covering the phone with one hand.
“She, um. She didn’t make it through the surgery.” Padme whispers. “I’m bringing Anakin back to my apartment. The house is a crime scene and he doesn’t have anywhere else.”
Anakin squeezes her hand, a few more tears dripping down his cheek.
Mom lets out a quiet gasp. It sounds tearful, though Padme can’t be sure. “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. Your father said to tell you that Anakin’s welcome to stay with you for as long as he needs.” She pauses, murmuring again. “Are you guys headed home now?”
“Yeah, we’re leaving the hospital. Shouldn’t be more than fifteen or twenty minutes. I’m gonna stop and try to get him something small to eat.” Padme answers.
“All right, honey. I’ll talk to you soon.”
They exchange pleasantries before hanging up and Padme glances over at Anakin as she backs out of the parking lot. He’s sitting quietly now, no longer crying though there are still tears drying on his cheeks. He looks like he might be going into shock and Padme gives his hand a gentle squeeze. She wants to tell him that everything will be okay but it’s too soon so she settles for telling him that she loves him instead. His lips quirk into a grimace-like smile that vanishes as quickly as it appears.
* * * * *
Anakin doesn’t speak over the drive home and he follows her almost absentmindedly up to her apartment. There’s a dull, confused sort of expression flickering behind his blue eyes and he’s clinging to her hand like it’s a lifeline. He’d eaten half of the Subway sandwich she’d bought for him and the bag trails from his free hand as he waits for her to unlock the door. The bag drops to the ground when they’re inside, like he no longer has the strength to hold it anymore. Padme retrieves it and goes to store it in the kitchen, Anakin still trailing behind her. The sandwich bag falls again to the floor as she steps into her kitchen, her eyes filling with tears.
Her kitchen table has been filled with shopping bags upon shopping bags. A fair few have food in them but most have clothing. Men’s clothing to be more precise. There’s a note folded on the table beside the bags and Padme’s hand trembles as she picks it up.
Padme,
I took the liberty of doing some shopping for you and Anakin. It came to me that Anakin probably doesn’t have many of his own things and I know that he probably won’t be allowed back into the house for some time to get any of it. Your father came with me to pick most of it out, but I did put the receipts in the bags regardless just in case they’re the wrong styles or sizes. There are some re-heatable meals in the freezer and I restocked your kitchen a bit. Let us know if you need anything else, honey. We love you both.
Mom & Dad.
For a moment, Padme’s eyes are too filled with tears to see straight. She sets the note aside for now, knowing that Anakin will want to read it later on. Turning back to him, Padme finds him standing awkwardly a few feet away from her. He still looks disoriented and hollow and she steps toward him carefully, not wanting to scare him or hurt him. She reaches slowly for his hand, making certain to keep everything in full view just in case something startles him. His hand wraps around hers tightly a moment later and, though he’s clearly still in shock, she can tell that he’s grateful for her.
She uses his hand to pull him toward the couch, wanting to get him comfortable. He doesn’t curl into her side like he had at the hospital, but he doesn’t let go of her hand either. They sit like this for a few minutes before Padme starts singing. She keeps her voice quiet enough to sooth him, remembering the way her sister had shied away from loud noises in those first hours after her husband’s death. Maybe it’s not the same with Anakin but there’s no way that Padme’s taking any chances.
The effect isn’t immediate but there are immediate signs that he hears her voice. His head starts to bow, his eyes sliding closed. She thinks maybe his shoulders are starting to slump but she can’t really be sure. After a few moments, however, Anakin completely comes out of the shock. His shoulders slump fully in, like he’s trying to curl into himself, and his hands start to shake. She squeezes his fingers, bringing his gaze to her face.
“Let’s go take a bath, love.” Padme offers. She keeps her tone hesitant, letting him know that it isn’t a demand. It’s an offer that he can refuse if he wants. Sola had refused to shower for hours after Darrel’s death, had shrieked that the blood was all she had left of him. Padme remembers this as she speaks.
His lips curl into a frown. “I can’t. I-I don’t have any clothes.”
“My mom bought you some things. She must’ve left the second I told her what happened.” Another gentle squeeze of his fingers, just enough pressure to remind him that she’s here.
“You-you’ll stay with me?” His voice shudders a little on the question but he holds the rest of himself steady.
“I’ll even climb in with you. How about that?” She quirks her lips into a gentle smile.
Hesitantly, he nods and allows her to pull him to his feet. She goes to the shopping bags, pulls out a bag of underwear — they’re boxer briefs, exactly what he normally wears — and a pair of sweats that’ll probably be a little loose on him. He toes his boots off as he follows her into the bathroom and the action makes Padme smile a little. She pushes him gently onto the toilet seat as she starts the bath water, watches him slip his t-shirt off when she turns around again. He’s quiet as they wait for the bath to fill, watching her undress quietly.
Usually, she sits with her back against his chest when they bathe together but she sits facing him tonight. He keeps his head bowed as she carefully pours water over his chest and shoulders, cleaning the grease and blood from his skin with gentle fingers. She can feel his heart pounding against her hands and pauses, feeling that steady beat for a moment. The motion makes him raise his head to stare at her and he watches her continue to wash him, scrubbing his arms and hands.
“Tilt your head back for me, love.” She says, reaching to turn the warm water on again.
He does as asked, allowing her to soak his hair. “Why are you doing this?” The words aren’t a protest, just a soft question.
“I want to take care of you is all.” She murmurs as she massages shampoo - it’s her shampoo but she doesn’t think he minds - into his scalp.
His eyes slip closed as her fingers massage his scalp, her fingers trailing down the back of his neck where the muscles are still too tense for her liking. It feels nice to be able to do something for him, even if she’s not actually doing anything serious. She tilts him back toward the faucet, rinsing the soap from his hair with soft fingers. When she’s finished, all there’s left to do is relax. She pulls him into her arms, his back to her front, letting him lie in the warm water with his head just above her heart. His eyes are still closed but his hands are warm around her own.
“Thank you.” Anakin whispers and the words nearly bring a tear to her eye.
Padme drops a kiss between his brows. “There’s nothing to thank me for. I love you so it stands to reason that I’m going to be there when you need me.”
“I hate to break it to ya babe, but there aren’t many women who’d do all of this for a guy they’d only been dating a year. Especially a guy who’s as messed up as me.” His tone is filled with the sort of self-loathing that makes her hurt for him.
She pulls a hand through his damp hair. “You aren’t messed up. And it doesn’t matter what many women would do. I do it because I love you and I want to. ‘Sides, I know you’d do the same for me.”
“Course I would. I’d give you the universe on a platter if I could.” His voice is soft and it’s starting to fade into that slurring tone that signals sleep.
Padme brushes her thumb across his cheek. “Ready for bed?”
He hesitates before he nods and they climb out of the tub together. Padme has to pad into the bedroom naked to retrieve a nightgown, remembering that she hadn’t grabbed anything beforehand. Anakin follows her, already dressed in the sleep-pants her mother bought for him. They are a little big on him, Padme notices as she turns to him.
She walks into his arms with a soft smile. He presses a tender kiss to her lips, pulling her into bed where he pushes her in first. He’s always liked being the big spoon and that hasn’t changed tonight as he wraps himself around her, tucking his head into the curve of her neck with a deep sigh. Padme sinks into his embrace with a sigh of her own.
* * * * *
She wakes sometime after falling asleep to the distinct feeling of Anakin getting out of bed. At first, she thinks that he’s probably just going to the bathroom. But he doesn’t come back after twenty minutes. More awake now, she slides out of bed. He possibly just needed to be alone, but she wants to be sure. She finds him curled on the couch, his face buried in his hands. He still looks lost and her heart goes to him before her body does. He jumps a little when she sits down beside him, shame passing across his face.
“I’m sorry.” His voice is so soft that she can just barely hear the words.
Padme splays a hand across his back. “What for?”
“Waking you. Didn’t mean to. I just couldn’t sleep.” He turns his head, laying a cheek against his arm, to stare at her.
“I’m a light sleeper, love. ‘Sides, I just wanted to make sure you were all right. Did you want to be alone?” She keeps her hand against his back as she speaks, a firm reminder that she’s not leaving unless he asks her to go.
He shakes his head, leaning closer. “Didn’t really want to be alone, but I didn’t want to wake you up.” He mumbles.
“You can always wake me up if you don’t want to be alone.” Padme promises. “It doesn’t matter what the situation is, if you need me you can wake me up and I’ll be there.”
His lips quirk into a tiny smile. Leaning back against the couch, he pulls her into his arms with a soft sigh. Padme curls her legs under her while she rests her head against Anakin’s chest. The sound of his heart beating steadily against her ear is almost like a lullaby and she has to force herself to stay awake. Anakin drags a gentle hand through her hair, his fingers dragging gently against her scalp. She tilts her head to look at his face and smiles when she finds him watching her.
“What’re you thinking about?” She asks, wrapping an arm around his stomach.
Anakin’s smile softens. “I think I’ll get through this as long as you’re with me.” His voice is soft, barely above a whisper.
“I’ll be right here.” Padme promises through a yawn.
“C’mon sleepyhead. Let’s go to sleep.” Anakin chuckles, urging her to her feet.
She follows him to the bedroom again, another yawn slipping free. In bed, Anakin curls around her and his embrace is warm and strong. Maybe they’ve only been together a year and maybe it makes her a little stupid but Padme knows that she’s going to love Anakin Skywalker for as long as some part of her exists in the world.