Work Text:
It's different, Donghyuck notes, holding Mark's hand.
Mark's pale, veiny, rough, yet perfect hands. The hands that are littered with way too many callouses and corns from overexerting himself when he writes in his song notebook, but somehow, Donghyuck finds comfort in running his fingers over the coarse skin. The veins that pop out of his hands zigzag all the way down his arm - which the younger finds particularly attractive. His regularly trimmed, clean fingernails; unlike Donghyuck's, which are long and almost always have some part of the universe stuck inside them. Mark's thin, long fingers that are perfect for Donghyuck to hold.
Affection thrives within Donghyuck's being; if he isn’t affectionate in any way for a good amount of time, he starts to feel disoriented - not like himself at all. He's held the members’ hands and hugged them in his day-to-day life as if it were part of his regular routine.
Holding Mark's hand, though, is a special kind of affection.
The boy could always find solace by holding other members’ hands - Jeno is always welcome for hand-holding and Chenle is more than ready to indulge in being showered in Donghyuck's affection. But when the cameras are off and nobody is around, the younger manages to find a full, wholesome source of comfort.
Donghyuck gathers that sitting on the rooftop in the middle of the night after a bad day is different with Mark. He's used to doing this; when he gets overwhelmed or anxious, he tends to isolate himself on the rooftop of their dorms. He looks up to the sky with pleading eyes, as if asking whatever higher power is up there to guide him.
Mark finds him one night in his Spider-man pyjamas that Jaemin got him for his birthday not too long ago. He asks no questions.
Instead, he sits down beside Donghyuck and bathes in the silence and bristles in the cold midnight air. Donghyuck isn’t sure whether he should say something. He never ends up saying anything, and prays that Mark doesn’t hear how loud his heart is beating when he feels the familiar, warm mass settle next to him.
With nothing but a hot cup of coffee and a shared blanket, it isn’t as bad when he threads his fingers through Mark's. It's something unspoken, but so, so special that's shared between the two boys. He finds that staring off into nothingness during the night, tired beyond words, manages to brink him some hope when Mark rubs his thumb over Donghyuck's knuckles.
As if he knows. Or, as if, in some way, Mark feels the same. It's become routine now, and Donghyuck still becomes as breathless as he was the first time it started happening.
Mark continues to caress Donghyuck's hand so carefully and gently. The latter's senses are so hyperactive that every tender, light touch sends his nerves into overdrive. The younger watches his hyung in silence, basking in the sight before him.
The older boy has his eyes closed and he’s resting his cheek on his left knee, breathing in and out slowly. His hair is being tugged by the wind, which prompts a tuft of black hair to fall and rest on his eyebrow. His hand is still mindlessly travelling Donghyuck's - tracing the soft skin and memorising the lines on the auburn-haired boy’s fingers and knuckles.
Donghyuck moves closer towards him, subtly. Mark doesn’t seem to notice the change in position. He hooks his leg around Mark's and gently places his head on his shoulder, the younger’s fringe falling onto his face. Unconsciously, Mark leaves his position from his knee to resting his head on Donghyuck's, all while keeping his eyes closed. Their hands remain entangled and Donghyuck feels jolts of lightning pass through him.
Being in love with your best friend since you were barely teenagers wasn’t easy, god, Donghyuck knew this too well that it was embarrassing. The things he wanted, needed the most was right there in his hands, right next to him - Yet, it was just out of reach. For some unsaid reason, all his wants and needs were somehow so far out of his own reach.
His heart is beating so loud that it causes the ringing in his ears. It's almost unbearable. He feels so small in that moment.
“Donghyuck," Mark breathes, startling Donghyuck's thoughts. "Is there anybody you like?” He poses, his voice raspy and low. The other boy feels shivers go down his spine from the vibrations he feels from Mark's throat near his ears.
The question makes him feel dizzy, but he tries not to make it seem obvious.
“Why do you ask?” Donghyuck passes back playfully, hoping to keep nodes of a cheerful, laidback nature in such a difficult question. He hopes Mark trusts his mischievous smile just this once and ends the conversation.
Mark parts his lips as if to say something. But he stops, in deep thought. “I want to know.” he exhales, looking straight ahead into the cityscape. “You seem like you would have more experience in dating and in love. More so than the other members.” The older boy recounts, his eyes flickering to his knees. “Yet, you’re the only one out of us who hasn’t had any love encounters. Why?”
If only Mark knew how wrong he was, Donghyuck would have laughed in that moment. He can feel his front wavering but by bit. He did not want to be talking about this when he could barely keep his eyes open.
Donghyuck sucks in the cold air and licks his dry lips, realising how unforgiving this situation is. “I guess you could say I'm already interested in someone.” He shrugs, nonchalant, a smirk playing on his lips. “Date all you want, Mark Lee. But I've had somebody on my mind for a while now.”
The slight movement of Mark's index finger brings Donghyuck back to the reality that he was still holding his hand. It was making his head spin, and the questions weren’t making him feel any better. He forces himself to look away, opting to stare at a forgotten street lamp, flickering in the darkness.
“Is that so?” The boy next to him could practically hear the smile on his bandmate's face. "Who?"
The eagerness in his voice leads him to look back. Mark's eyes pierce through him, from the top of his head down to his chest. He notices that the raven-haired boy’s eyes linger a bit longer on Donghyuck's lips. It makes his throat go dry.
Donghyuck sighs, blinking unknowingly into the dusk blackness of the night. They were only illuminated by the rooftop’s lamp that hung low near the door. He hoped Mark couldn’t see his face.
He looks down at his free hand, fidgeting with the soft fabric of his sweatpants. “If I told you, a lot of things would change.”
“I think...I might have an idea, Hyuck.” There's a different demeanour in Mark's tone, and Donghyuck turns his head to look at him. He sees a slight smile, and an unusual look of fondness in his eyes as he casts his eyes towards the cemented floor.
The other boy lightly squeezes Mark's hand. “Mark, you look tired." He comments emptily. His small voice is blanketed with thick words. "We have a schedule tomorrow. Let's-“
Donghyuck's train of thought derails when Mark looks up and makes eye contact with him for the first time in that evening. Tentative, timid, yet soft.
Mark's eyes, which are honest and pure and just so raw that Donghyuck feels like he’s committed a crime looking into them. He feels himself falling deeper with every moment that passes by.
The older boy detaches his hand from Donghyuck's, his hand travelling to the younger boy’s jaw, ghosting over his cheek. Admittedly, Donghyuck misses the familiar, cosy feeling of Mark's hands entangled with his own, but this entirely new feeling sets his stomach on fire. He feels like he could break and fall apart any minute now.
“May I?” Mark gestures in a rugged, low tone, his eyes fixated on Donghyuck's lips as his hand stays on his jaw.
His brain runs on autopilot and he gives Mark a slow nod before quietly exhaling a breath he was holding.
He swears he hears the crackle and pop of a firework in his head and suddenly his heart is filled with a newfound sense of home.
The older boy wraps his arm around Donghyuck's waist with his free hand, keeping his hand on his jaw, rubbing his thumb in a soothing motion across the smooth skin there. He captures their lips into a slow, soft kiss - his movements are unsure, and Donghyuck's stills in shock for about half a second before he reciprocates the action.
Sheepishly, the younger boy wraps his arms around Mark's neck, bringing them closer together, their chests and their noses touching. Donghyuck continues the shy movements of his mouth against Mark's, gently kissing the corners of his mouth down to his chin. He can feel the tips of his ears burning.
Mark soon collects that Donghyuck tastes like strawberry-flavoured lip balm, and he inhales the deep scent of his vanilla-scented cologne. He quickly finds himself drunk on the unique taste he’s been longing for a while now. Mark revels in the feeling - he doesn’t think he can describe anything more amazing than his long-time crush pressed against his body, warmth radiating from them.
The auburn-haired boy tangles his fingers in Mark's hair and deepens the kiss between them, slowly becoming confident in his movements. Mark presses back against Donghyuck keenly, before moving down to the younger boy’s jaw and neck; pressing light, gentle kisses on his way down. Donghyuck shivers, leaning his head backwards, exposing more of his neck.
Mark pulls away to breathe, slowly inhaling the sweet scent of everything Donghyuck. He almost blushes at the sight of Donghyuck's flushed face and the low red hue dusting his cheeks. His lips look swollen, and his expression tells of pure bliss. He touches the younger boy’s face affectionately, gazing at him fondly. Donghyuck lowers his eyes, slowly moving his hands from Mark's neck down to his shoulders, rubbing them gently.
Donghyuck tries to find the right words to say, crumpling the fabric of Mark's shirt in between his fingers. “Did you mean to do that, hyung?” he asks softly, his voice so small that it's no louder than the whisper of the wind in the cold night.
“I don't think I've meant to do something more in my entire life,” the older boy responds, pressing their foreheads together. Donghyuck feels his heart hurt.
He looks up and meets Mark's eyes and the younger boy feels his body tremble. “I didn't think that of all people, you’d like me. I'd always thought you just thought of me as a best friend, or a younger brother." He sighs, his eyes half-lidded. "You've always mentioned how much you wanted a younger brother, Mark.” Donghyuck replies, lethargic, fixating his attention on the warm breath that was exhaled onto his face.
Mark smiles mutely, the same cute smile that Donghyuck has seen for years that never fails to get his heart to jump out of his chest. “You've always been more than that to me, Donghyuck.”
“Oh?” Donghyuck raises an eyebrow.
“Really? You think I'm joking?”
“Sorry, this is just new to me." He says, a playful smile on his face. "I've just liked you for so long that it got sort of pathetic.”
This evokes full laughter from Mark, and Donghyuck can’t help but smile as well. “I think we’re in the same boat.” He hums gently, stroking Donghyuck's hair with the hand that was previously on his jaw. “Turns out, we’re both a bit stupid.”
“Hah, speak for yourself, Mark Lee!”
“Okay, I guess I'll just ignore that you‘re clinging onto me right now.”
“You say that as if you weren’t the one who kissed me!”
He laughs, hitting the other boy playfully on the shoulder.
The air feels warmer; the bite of the icy air is not as prevalent as it was before. Donghyuck leans forward, perching on the area between Mark's neck and shoulder, breathing in the scent of apple-scented body wash. His breathing evens out, slowly wrapping his arms once again around Mark's neck.
The older boy smiles to himself and lets his own head lean against Donghyuck's, savouring the moment.
“You asked me a personal question, so it’s only fair if I ask you one.” Donghyuck's voice breaks the silence between them. The raven-haired boy hums lazily, playing with the material of the other boy’s pyjamas. “Shoot,” he replies languidly.
“What made you choose me?”
Such a minuscule question, but it grounds Mark and brightens his senses.
The younger boy feels Mark stir beside him. He could feel the older boy’s jaw clench and unclench in deep thought. Mark opens his mouth; his voice is deep and tired. “In what way do you mean that?”
Donghyuck pouts, furrowing his eyebrows together. “I'm not dumb, Mark. I know you’ve had girlfriends in the past and they were all nice, you looked good together and...honestly,” he breathes out, “You looked really happy when you were with them. What made you choose me?”
The other boy illumines in the moonlight. He thinks long about what he’s going to say but he knew this question had a simple answer.
“I looked good with them, sure, but I feel better with you.” The older says, reaching for Donghyuck's soft hand and intertwining their fingers once more. “It's always been you, since forever, stupid.” Mark smiles at him, squeezing their hands together. Donghyuck blushes, looking down. “Don't say stuff like that, it’s embarrassing,” the boy mumbles. He can’t resist the smile that forms on his face when Mark subtly pulls them impossibly closer together.
Mark rubs the boy's arm soothingly, continuing, “Since we were barely teenagers, it’s always been you. I've never felt like this for anybody else. And that’s not even putting it lightly,” He says, emotion dripping from his words even if Mark's voice is low and only for Donghyuck to be heard. The younger boy feels a warm feeling blossom and spread throughout his chest.
“I love you,” Donghyuck says intimately - abruptly but quietly. his voice is full of so much tenderness that in that moment, Mark decides he wants to hear Donghyuck say that to him every day of his life. “I love you too, Donghyuck.” Is what Donghyuck's met with, as Mark fondly rubs the back of Donghyuck's hand with his thumb.
Mark tucks him under his chin and wraps his arm around him protectively, while Donghyuck clings onto the older boy's torso. Their legs are entangled and the position is kind of uncomfortable, but Donghyuck doesn’t mind when he feels the fast pulse of Mark's heart when he lays his head on his chest. The auburn-haired boy clings onto the soft cloth of Mark's shirt, as if he was going to vanish.
The older sighs, looking up at the starry night. He presses a featherlight kiss to the top of Donghyuck's head, running his hands through the other’s hair. Mark feels the younger’s breathing begin to slow and he notices the gentle sounds of snoring coming from the boy beneath him. He smiles, opening his mouth to talk, and his voice is nothing short of a whisper -
“I choose you. And I'll keep choosing you, over and over and over. Without pause, without a doubt, in a heartbeat. I choose you.”