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Fright
Overall Crowley had thought that he had dealt well with the aftermath of the averted apocalypse. It was Aziraphale that needed gentle guidance through the turmoil of being cast out of heaven. It wasn’t as bad as falling from grace, the angel still had her love inside him, but he wasn’t welcome anymore upstairs. So Crowley had made sure that Aziraphale felt welcome here on earth, on their side.
The first few months had passed by rapidly, with dinners, visits to the theatre and a few countryside trips for picnics. Some days had been hard, Aziraphale struggling with himself and the realization that heaven was after all not the good place. Crowley was always by his side, talking him through these episodes. Other times they were just plain happy and enjoyed their new freedom. And then there were the nights that would bring terror to the angel. The first time it had happened, Crowley had been at his Mayfair flat, sound asleep. The phone rang, the demon wide awake within seconds because there was only one person that would phone him at his secret landline.
„Angel is everything alright?“ he asked anxiously.
„No…“
The answer had only been a whisper, but well enough for Crowley. Neither of them liked to travel via a miracle, it was way too exhausting and always let a slightly nauseous feeling behind. Nevertheless, it was a bare necessity now and so the demon did exactly this.
Aziraphale still had the phone in his hand, but he was slumped down next to his writing desk. The angel was pale, wet streaks from weeping visible on his cheeks.
„Angel?“ croaked Crowley and approached him slowly.
„You’re here…“ mumbled the angel, his gaze searching for the demon.
He found it quickly, Crowley had transported himself without his glasses, after all, he had been asleep before the call.
„Yes, I’m here. What happened?“
The angel only shook his head in response, fidgeting nervously with the earpiece of the phone in his hands. The demon took it out of the angel's grip and placed it on the receiver.
„Too much to tell?“ he asked gently.
Another nod from Aziraphale.
„Okay, but we’re not in a dangerous situation I assume?“
„We’re not…“
„Good, then we don’t have to talk about this. But let’s get you off this floor and on the couch. Maybe cocoa?“
Crowley helped his companion standing up and guided him to the backroom of the shop. There he let him sit down on the sofa, wrapping a tartan blanket around him.
„That’s better! Now, do you want cocoa or tea?“
Once again the angel shook his head, but one of his hands grabbed after Crowleys, dragging the demon next to him on the couch.
„Alright, come here love.“ Crowley mumbled and took his angel into a tight embrace.
They had sat there for hours while Aziraphale tried to reclaim his posture. Crowley talked about anything and everything just to keep the silence away and slowly the angel started to relax. When the morning dawned, Aziraphale spoke;
„I don’t know what happened… but I suspect it was a panic attack. I have seen it happening to humans, but I wouldn’t have thought that an angel could develop one.“
He laughed without any humour before continuing;
„Guess I’m an outsider on this as well…“
„Stop this nonsense angel, you know you’re an outsider because these arseholes have forgotten what heaven is about. You’re too kind for them, I’m afraid you have to bear with me.“
„Oh Darling, I don’t have to bear with you! You’re the loveliest thing that ever crossed my path, it’s an honour to be on our side.“
„Angel that’s not only achingly sappy, it also insults my demonic status.“
„And you love it just as much as I love you. What would you say to breakfast in that little French restaurant around the corner? They have lovely brioches there!“
„No, after all this fluff I need to glue some coins on popular sidewalks.“
When Aziraphale started to laugh, Crowley reacted with a played offence and pouting.
But it was only played and the two of them went for brioches a mere minutes later. It had been a good sign that the hunger had returned to his angel and so the demon was just happy to indulge him with french delicacies.
After that, the nights became complicated. They had confessed their love to each other right after the Ritz, but six thousand years of walking alone on this earth were hard to unravel. They needed their space to breath and collect themselves, at least that’s what they had told each other. The problem laid more in the communication of the two entities, who both believed they would smother the other with their love. Nonetheless, they mostly parted for the night, also avoiding the topic of physical intimacy as a side effect. Somewhat that became impossible after the angel's breakdown. Every time Crowley left his side, the panic would come. At first, Aziraphale said nothing and tried to deal with it on his own, but the demon found out soon because the angel was constantly on the verge of tears during the days. Without addressing the topic, he took Aziraphale with him home one night and started a new routine in doing so. Now they would retire to Mayfair for the night, with the angel leaving for his bookshop in the morning when Crowley was still asleep. Sometimes they ate lunch together, but mostly the demon came by around the afternoon and the whole circle started again. They never talked about this, nor about the boundaries, they had set up themselves. They just didn’t know how to do it properly, but they were at ease for once and that had to count as something.
Shortly after the new year had begun, the snow had finally fallen in London. The flakes had been coming down for most of the morning and soon a thick layer of it had build up. As usual, no one in the city council had foreseen that and the usual chaos ensued. At precisely three o’clock in the afternoon, the power in SoHo went out. Aziraphale didn’t panic, it was neither night nor would he have to wait long for his demon. He just went to his cupboard and got a few candles out.
Sure enough, half an hour later, Crowley came in with a theatrical opening of the door.
„It’s a bloody blizzard out there!“ he exclaimed, letting the cold air from the outside in.
Because of a window in the back of the shop, a draught swept in and threw one of the candles of a shelve. And that was the exact moment where Crowley learnt, that he had in fact not dealt at all with the aftermath of the apocalypse. While Aziraphale snapped the candle out of existence to prevent a fire, Crowley was engulfed in it; A burning bookshop, his angel nowhere to be found and the feeling of being completely and utterly alone.
Aziraphale saw immediately that something was off. Crowley made a chocked sound, clutching a hand to his chest while stumbling backwards.
„Dearest?“
The angel went to his companion, laying a hand on his shoulders. There was no reaction.
„Crowley? What’s going on?“ he asked louder, sorrow evident in his voice.
That startled the demon, he took the remaining steps out of the shop.
„Need to go… sorry“ he mumbled and headed for the Bentley.
Crowley didn’t get all too far, he was on the sidewalk where his car was parked when Aziraphale caught upon him.
„Don’t go away without me. I know that you’re panicking, I have seen and felt it enough to recognize the signs. You don’t have to tell me anything, but let me take care of you just as you did with me so many times.“
It was all Crowley had needed to hear, he threw his arms around the angel and slumped into him.
„Bring me home angel…“ he mumbled weakly.
Now it was Aziraphales turn to use a miracle to bring them to Mayfair. As soon as they were in the flat, Crowley went limp in his arms, the demon weeping silently.
„Tell me what to do, Darling. What do you need?“
Crowley only clung more to him, burying his slender fingers into the well-worn fabric of his waistcoat. Aziraphale pushed him softly a bit away so that he could look into the demons face.
„Hey… it’s me, your angel, you know? What do you need, please tell me.“
He took the glasses from Crowley’s tear stricken face. The eyes of the demon were full-blown yellow, a sign that he was completely stressed out.
„You…“ came the barely audible response.
For a moment the world stopped for Aziraphale, his heart making a leap like it had run a marathon. Then his rational side took ahold of him, Crowley surely didn’t speak about physical intimacy, at least not the one his brain had brought up.
„Let’s go to bed then… come on love, let me help you.“
Without hesitation Crowley let himself be guided into the bedroom, where Aziraphale changed their clothes for them both with a click of his fingers into nightwear, before tucking Crowley in. It was a simple loving act, something one does for another who was dearly cherished. The angel then climbed next to the demon and took him into his arms, his one hand stroking the back of the lean figure next to him.
„May I read something for you?“ Aziraphale asked softly.
Crowley only nodded, while nuzzling himself into the angel's chest. With a calm voice, Aziraphale started to read from Hamlet and only minutes later the breathing of the demon had turned into a peaceful rhythm, the tension leaving both of their bodies. The angel remained were he was, not wanting his loved one wake up alone after everything that had happened.
They never had slept in the same bed before. Mostly this was because Aziraphale only had slept a handful of times in his six thousand years on this earth. The angel somehow found it a useless waste of time and saw no use in it. Sloth was a deadly sin after all, but so was gluttony and if Aziraphale was honest with himself he knew that he had been at least been a bit guilty in that area. With Crowley laying in his arms, breath even and relaxed, the angel allowed himself to drift off to sleep.
When Aziraphale awoke, he felt like every part of his body was covered by Crowley. He didn’t know how that was even possible, but somehow the serpent of Eden had coiled around him in his human shape. His own physical form started to protest against that unusual position, but the angel willed the pain away. Too precious was the moment, to let it go so soon. The demon in his arms was completely relaxed, breathing even and shallow and his face was for a lack of better words angelic. Crowley would have sneered at him for that, maybe even hissed, but it was a simple truth. There had been a few occasions where Aziraphale was able to see glimpses of the angel Crowley once had been, but never like that.
„You must have been God’s most beautiful creature in all of heaven“ he mumbled to himself.
„Wasn’t in heaven… I was in space and created some of the stars…“
To Aziraphale's surprise, Crowley’s voice came without any sleepiness in it, the demon must have been awake the whole time.
„Darling, did you pretend to sleep?“
„Ngk…“
„Oh you silly thing, if you want to cuddle you just have to ask.“
„What kind of a demon am I, if I go around and ask angels to cuddle me?“
Crowley mocked, backing away a bit. But he didn’t get far, Aziraphale held him close with a firm hand on the demon's back.
„Not angels, just me… and that make’s you my demon and it makes me your angel.“
Said demon made a strangled noise and buried his face into Aziraphale's neck.
„You get sappy again…“
„Better get used to it old friend, you seem to provoke this kind of reactions in me.“
„Ngk…“
After that, they stayed in bed for quite a while. Crowley nuzzled into Aziraphale's side, drifting in and out of a slumber, while the angel watched him in astonishment. He always had cherished the demon but seeing him that vulnerable had shifted things into another direction. It took quite the trust to expose oneself to another being like that and yet the demon had just done that. It was this final push that the angel had needed to know where he wanted to go. He had thought a lot about their relationship after the failed armageddon, but he had always shied away from the physical side. The urge to take a step forward had been there since the fateful night in a bombed-out church, when he had learned, truly learned, about his feelings, but he had always held himself back. After all, he was an angel and the other a demon, their head offices were not that interested but a carnal relationship would have been noticed at least by one of them. Crowley never really was too fast for him, but he couldn’t risk the others life just to fulfil some urges. Besides he didn’t even know by then if it was possible or if they would injure or kill each other by trying.
After they had been freed, Aziraphale knew that they would not be a hazard to each other. If his corporation tolerated the demon and vice versa, then they were free to go and still, something was holding him back. They kissed, cuddled, had Rendezvous and were closer than ever, but it never got to more. Crowley tried once, his curious hand seeking a way underneath the angel's waistcoat, but Aziraphale, anxious and unsure, guided them back and since then the demon simply had stopped trying. Who could blame him in all honesty, all the other had ever heard was ‚you go too fast‘ and ‚no we can’t do that‘. No one likes to be rejected, let alone multiple times.
With a gentle brush over the others cheek, Aziraphale tried to wake up the demon. Unfortunately, Crowley had fallen asleep completely during the angel's inner monologue and it was now by definition almost impossible to stir him up.
„Oh bugger…“ the angel mumbled, then tried to kiss him awake.
Just like sleeping beauty, Aziraphale thought and could imagine Crowley’s sneer at that picture. But it stayed in his imagination because the Serpent of Eden seemed to hibernate by now.
„CROWLEY!“
Next on the list was shouting, not that it mattered, the only reaction he got out of his beloved was a grumble while the demon turned over. For a moment the angel considered a bucket of cold water, however that would kill the mood for decades. Torn between his newfound courage to come to terms with Crowley, the urge to let him sleep and the anxiety that his cowardice would return, Aziraphale growled in frustration;
„For fuck’s sake, now that I finally dare to go faster, the foul fiend is asleep in a hibernation coma…“
„Did you just said fuck?“
Ah, all it took was some swearing and the silly serpent was wide awake.
Crowley looked at him with the confusion of someone who just had woken up and only had heard a few bits of the spoken words.
„… go faster?“ the demon said barely audible, voice shivering and unsure.
„Yes dearest, I think I’m finally ready. Although please be patient with me, I really don’t know what am I heading into.“
„You have seen the humans, don’t you?“ teased the demon.
„Well yeah, was impossible not to, especially in the beginning. But it’s quite a difference between seeing and doing…“
„I guess we have to find out, it’s new terrain for me as well…“
„Wait what?! You’re the original tempter, I thought you would have plenty of experiences by now…“
Crowley looked offended that seemed to be a sore spot.
„What am I?! Hell’s whore or what?“ he asked, voice furious and hurt.
„No, no! Heaven’s I didn’t mean it that way… but you’re you and I’m sure you had plenty of opportunity’s.“
„So did you… you’re Halo is catching humans like a lightbulb attracts flies…“
„Maybe there were a few, but I never had the feeling that it was alright.“
„See? Just because I’m an evil demon, doesn’t mean I’m walking around seducing humans and producing Incubi!“
The whole thing didn’t go as Aziraphale had planned, instead, everything spiralled rather rapidly downwards. He had to do something.
„Stop Crowley! This is not going to be another incident like the holy water and I will not stand you taking another depression nap because we just don’t get the communication thing right. I want you Crowley and it doesn’t matter to me if you are experienced or not because that’s behind us. We are on our side, remember? I love you with every atom of my corporation and my ethereal being. Don’t roll your eyes on me dearest, I’m serious. It’s because of this love and the mutual trust that I’m finally….“
The angel started to stutter, as ridicules as it was, he was terribly embarrassed by himself for being so blunt.
„Hey angel, it’s alright. I understand, let us find our own pace. It will be fine, I’m sure.“
Aziraphale sighed with relieve, Crowley somehow had managed to understand his rambling. This had to be a benefit from a six thousand-year-old friendship.
„Thank you, darling.“
Slowly they grew into a new type of relationship, the one they both had desired but never had dared to hope to gain it at some point. They struggled, stumbled and fell a few times, but it was always the other who would be there to alleviate the landing. Sometimes anxiety found it’s way back, other times pure joy shot through their veins. They moved to a cottage, they married, simply because they could, and they shared every bit of their eternal life. Not perfect, in fact never perfect, but always truly ineffable.