Chapter Text
Adrien Agreste was using every last speck of willpower he had left trying to stay awake. For forty-eight hours, Hawkmoth and Mayura had been tag-teaming it, sending out a nearly constant stream of alternating sentimonsters and akumas. It seemed as though they had finally figured out that if they couldn't defeat Paris' favorite dynamic duo by brute force, they could wear them down through sheer exhaustion. If Adrien was completely honest, it was a very effective strategy. If it weren't for the looming threat of Ladybug's wrath, he would have happily traded his Miraculous for an uninterrupted nap.
Behind him, Marinette didn't seem to be faring much better. He had seen Alya at the scene of most of the battles, and he wondered if she had dragged Mari along to help with filming. He didn't remember seeing her, but he had been a bit preoccupied on these occasions, so it was possible that he had missed her. He smiled as his slightly enhanced hearing picked up her soft little snores. That had to be it.
He must have been even more out of it than he thought, because when the door opened suddenly, he nearly fell off his chair. His knee hit the underside of his table, and it was all he could do to grab his travel mug before his precious coffee toppled to the floor. Lila and Alya strolled through the door, chatting animatedly about one of the akumas from the night before. An angry postal worker had become Papercut, and had spent several hours covering Paris in bubble wrap and stuffing citizens into oversized envelopes. Apparently, Chat Noir had stopped by to recharge at Lila's house during the fight. Adrien bit his tongue to keep himself in check.
"Wait...Lila. Do you know Chat Noir's secret identity?!" Alya whispered loudly. She was lapping it up, all right. Lila let out an embarrassed little laugh. It was like sandpaper in his ears.
"Well...I know his face, but not his name. I shouldn't say anything. But, I could never keep a secret like this from my best friend. Chat and I are sort of... dating...a little. We haven't labeled it. Let's just say he stays over sometimes." Lila managed to look convincingly bashful, while Alya's mouth had fallen open in shock.
"Oh my GOSH, girl. How did this happen? Was he over last night?" Alya looked like she might spontaneously combust. Meanwhile, Adrien was starting to feel more than a little queasy.
"Well, yeah. But he was so tired, it wasn't like anything exciting was going to happen. I'm just glad he has a place where he feels safe."
Adrien peeked behind him and saw Marinette's eyes open a crack. Her delicate features contorted into a grimace. She looked like she wanted to stab something. With the way his own chest was constricting in disgust, he wasn't sure he would stop her. Their eyes met, and he felt a familiar tingle on the back of his neck. It was a sensation that only happened in battle, and occasionally when his crafty friend was up to some sort of mischief. He immediately knew what Mari was thinking. She was formulating a plan, and she wanted him to keep quiet. It was a new development between them, this unspoken alliance, but they had fallen into an easy rapport. She gave a tiny shake of her head. Her pretty blue eyes sought to inspire patience in him. It was like she could see that he was about to do something rash, and she was silently urging him to let her take charge. It was eerily similar to the look Ladybug gave him right before he jumped in the path of an akuma. Everything about that moment went exactly as it would have with Ladybug, particularly the part where he ignored her and dove right into the fray. Consequences be damned.
"That's a load of crap, Lila." Adrien said, his voice hoarse from days of yelling taunts at gaudily costumed supervillains. "Chat Noir wouldn't be caught dead with the likes of you." Lila's eyes narrowed menacingly, while Alya's gaze fixed on him in surprise. It seemed like he had spoken a bit more loudly than he had intended to, as several pairs of eyes were curiously moving between Lila and himself. He knew that it had been stupid to say something without having a way to disprove Lila's claims. But, despite the foolishness of it, he couldn't stomach the idea of people thinking that he would touch Lila Rossi with a ten foot pole...in either form.
"Adrien, I'm not sure why you're acting like this. I thought we had gotten past your jealousy issues. I just don't see you that way. Chat and I have a real connection." Her eyes slid behind him, to linger briefly on Marinette. "I thought we had an understanding." The meaning behind her words was clear. He needed to back down, or else. He was supposed to let her have her fun, and she would not socially decimate his friend. The original plan had been to imply that Chat was dating Marinette. She would have gone along with it, and he could have figured out a way to protect his identity while covering his ass in the Lila debacle. That option was no longer in the table. It was clear that he couldn't drag her into this without putting her in the line of fire. He had to keep Marinette safe. She was one of his truest friends. He cared deeply about her. Historically, as Ladybug could attest, caring about people made him do stupid things. Very stupid things, indeed.
"I'm sorry, Lila. I think you're misunderstanding me. I'm not remotely interested in you that way. I'm sorry if I ever gave you that impression. I just know for a fact that Chat Noir did not spend the night with you. Last night, or any night." Adrien plastered on his best fake smile, maintaining eye contact with his opponent. Distraction. He was good at distraction. If he kept her focused on him, Mari wouldn't get hurt. Lila smiled, sure that she had him cornered.
"Why would you say that? Where else would he have been?" Her voice was deadly calm, the threat simmering under the surface. It would be undetectable to anyone else, but it was there. Marinette was whispering frantically under her breath.
"No. No. Adrien. NO." She was such a good friend. Too sweet and kind to be subjected to anything Lila had in store for her. There was only one thing to be done. Adrien grinned.
"Because... Chat Noir was in my bed last night."