Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tick.

Tick.

Peter glared at the clock every few seconds, angry with the way it seemed to be mocking him. It felt like time was purposely going slower, the longer he waited.

His eyes drifted shut after a long while of slow blinks.

For once the boxes were silent as Wade gingerly pushed the apartment door open. He kept the bundle wrapped in blankets tightly pressed to his chest, a little terrified of holding too tightly, but infinitely more terrified of dropping it.

With a sigh, he shut the door and thought about turning on the over head light. He knew it was late into the night, and worse, that he was late to return home from his last job. Opting against turning on the light, he instead reached up and pulled the Dead Pool mask off.

His shoulders slumped with the realization that Peter was already in bed and asleep for the night. He began tiptoeing to the couch. A small whimper escaped from the bundle still cradled tightly to his chest. His eyes widened and he stopped walking, instead bouncing in place, a sense of urgency in the harried motion. The motion only seemed to make things worse, as the whimper turned into a pitiful wail.

Wade hastily shifted the bundle, trying to remember anything he possibly could about little tiny humans.

Peter bolted upright, startled from sleep by the sounds of a baby crying extremely close by. He was confused, as far as he knew, none of the neighbors on nearby floors had any kids young enough to cry like that. He blinked away the sleep, giving his eyes a moment to adjust to the lighting- just a little bit of moonlight through the curtains- and looked around the room.

Still foggy with sleep, he realized belatedly that Wade stood a few feet away from the end of the couch, bouncing like he desperately needed to pee. Five long seconds go by before he picked up that the sound was coming from Wade. Or, specifically, the bundle of blankets he held in his arms.

Peter’s eyes narrowed in suspicion, as he jumped to his feet, the throw blanket he had been using fell to the floor in a tangled mess.  

“You’re late,” He accused.

Wade shrugged helplessly, and then offered Peter a shaky half smile. “I brought you a present?”

“Wade.” Peter paused. “Tell me that is NOT a baby. Tell me you did NOT  kidnap a baby.” He immediately began running his fingers through his already messy brown curls, making it worse as he tugged his fingers through the knots.

“Well, I ain’t lied to you yet, Petey, and I ain’t gonna start now. I didn’t kidnap a baby, but I did sort of unalive his parents? They were the really awful, evil kind of people, and I couldn’t just leave the little  guy, right? Shut up, I know. It’s bad either way. No, Spidey wouldn’t leave us. No. Lying wouldn’t be better. Besides, he’s too smart to believe that.”

Peter pulled his hands out of his hair and took the three steps to Wade. He didn’t hesitate to run a hand down Wade’s left arm before taking the bundle of blankets, that apparently, contains a baby, from the older man. His brows raised as Wade immediately stopped bouncing like he needed to pee, the moment he took the baby out of his arms. He quickly unwrapped the baby from the six blankets. He couldn’t resist his eyes rolling as he unwrapped all of the blankets from the child. “That’s a lot to unpack. We’ll come back to that,” He admitted. “Please tell me you at least grabbed any of his belongings, before you took him?”

Wade shook his head, shoulders hunching in.

Peter noticed the way Wade seemed to cave in on himself and immediately began to soothe the other man. “It’s okay, that’s fine. We can work with what we have. Go change out of your suit and we’ll take it from there, okay?”

Wade left the room after nodding his agreement, and Peter turned his attention back to the infant. He turned on the lamp across from the couch and began removing the clothes and soaked diaper, before wrapping the baby boy back into one of the lighter blankets he was originally wrapped in. Peter took his time in rewrapping the baby, using the moments to study him. He was young enough to still have fuzzy blonde hair, and the blue eyes that all babies are born with. He counted fingers and toes, relieved to see that there wasn’t anything obviously wrong with the baby.

As soon as the baby was clean he seemed to be happy and stopped crying. His little hand waved around, until Peter took the little hand and let it wrap around his thumb. He could only assume the baby was about 6 months old, if not younger. He took the baby and went back to the kitchen, pulling a stool away from the kitchen island with his foot and plopped heavily into it. He snagged a pad of paper from the island and a pen to start scribbling a list of baby items they definitely need for a night with a baby, and that they may need. It would have to do until he figured out what the fuck was going on.

Wade re-entered the room just as he finished writing.

The cries that had stopped only five minutes before began again with a renewed vigor.

“Do you know his name?” Peter asked, quietly.

“Mhm. It’s Connor.”

“Connor. Right, hi there, bud.” Peter whispered to the baby. He stood up and walked over to Wade and pressed a kiss to Wade’s cheek. The tension in Wade’s body immediately loosened. “I need you to go to the store and get things for him, okay? I have a list and I was as specific as I could be. Get what you think is right and I’ll stay here with him.” Peter realized that he was talking in soft, soothing tones, a habit that he had developed when it was obvious to him that Wade wasn’t having a great mental health day. The arguing with himself, (the boxes in his head) that it wasn’t a good day for the other man.

Peter shook his head in fond annoyance, as Wade left without a word.

Wade hopped into Peter’s old, piece of shit car and drove himself to the nearest retail store, Target. He entered the building, ensuring the hood of his soft, fuzzy hoodie, covered up most of his face.

<Oh boy. Petey’s mad. You really fucked up this time, didn’t you?> Yellow gloated.

{You have no idea what you’re doing, do you? You wing it twenty four seven.}

Wade didn’t respond to the boxes, instead, he chose to wander Target until he found the designated baby section. The baby section was huge. He immediately turned back around and went back to the front of the store to find a shopping cart. He pulled the crumpled list from his pocket and stared at it. Bottles. Nipples. 6mo clothes. Formula. Diapers.

The list kept going. He looked around desperately at all of the items on the shelves. His eyes glazed over and sheer panic started to set in. He started to reach into his pocket to pull his phone out and call Peter to beg for some kind of clue, because what the actual fuck? How does one little tiny human baby need so many things? His fingers closed around the phone. A woman walked over to him with tired almost blood shot eyes and a smile, asking if he needed help. His glanced down at her shirt looking for the Target name tag. When he couldn’t find a name tag he nodded and admitted his defeat.

“Please. I don’t know nothin’ about all of this,” He waved a gloved hand towards all of the baby items.

The woman noticed the list in his clenched hand, “May I?”

He quickly handed it over, acting like the list was going to burn him.

She smiled again as she started to read over the list. “I’ll help you. I’m Jane.”

His voice came out gravelly, “Wade. Thanks. We have a, uh, surprise guest and want to be prepared.” His hand came up and he rubbed the back of his neck.

“That’s fun. Is it a boy or girl?”

“Boy, his name’s Connor,”

“Six months old?”

He shrugged. “I think so?”

She nodded and began to deftly throw items into his cart, explaining each item as it got tossed in.

Peter rocked the infant in his arms as he reached for his phone. He dialed one handed and pressed the phone to his ear, holding it in place with his shoulder. It rang twice before the line picked up.

“Hey, underoos. Everything alright?”

“Hey, dad. Why do you always assume something is wrong?”

Peter could picture the way Tony’s eyes crinkled in amusement as Tony huffed a laugh through the line. “Because you don’t call at three am unless you’re hurt.”

“Oh. I didn’t realize the time. My bad.”

“What’s up, underoos?” Tony redirected Peter back to the reason he was calling at three am.

“I think I may need your lawyers? And maybe some items?”

A lot of rustling could be heard over the line. “Why don’t you start from the beginning, bud?”

“Ihaveababyandit’snotmine?” Peter rushed to say.

Tony, thankfully, had years of practice deciphering Peter speak. “I’m going to skip asking why, and go straight to, are you at home?”

“Yeah,” Peter had half a second to be confused before he heard the unmistakable sounds of the Iron Man thrusters. “Wait, you don’t have to come over!”

“No, I really think I do. This seems like a story that should be told in person.”

“Fair,” Peter sighed, defeated.

It took Iron Man 3 minutes and 25 seconds to arrive. Peter counted. Peter had the balcony door open and ready for him to land before Iron Man was within 3 blocks of his apartment. Tony Stark stepped from his suit in one fluid motion as the suit touched down.

Peter chose to keep his mouth shut as Tony stepped in. He watched his adoptive father take in the scene, head tilted down, through his eyelashes.

“There really is a baby. Put your Bambi eyes away, kid.” Tony broke the silence.

“Yeah.”

“More explanations need to happen.” Tony scowled.

“I don’t really know much? Wade brought him home after he unalived his parents? And his name is Connor?”

Tony’s eyes narrowed and he ignored the way Peter phrased everything as a question. That was a coping mechanism for another day. “And where is Wade?”

“I sent him to the store for baby stuff.”

“Okay. Okay. Lawyers are definitely needed. I should probably call Pepper, otherwise she’s going to kill me and think I brought home another kid.” He smiled fondly at Peter.

“Please don’t say anything to Aunt May.” Peter pleaded.

“Yeah, I’m definitely not telling her anything about this. I’ll leave that one to you.”

He nodded weakly. “Wade should be back soon. I wasn’t really ready to discuss anything with him. I figured getting him,” he motioned to the baby in his arms, “stuff was more important and calling you.”

Wade walked into the apartment carrying at least eight grocery bags, a giant box of diapers and a box containing a collapsible, portable crib. He nearly dropped everything when his eyes landed on Tony sitting on the couch next to Peter and the baby.

“Stark,” He nodded once in greeting before going to the island and sorting items out of the bags. Who was he to question why Tony Stark, his boyfriends adoptive father, was sitting on his couch at whatever time it was. Weirder things happened all the time in his life.

“Wilson,” Tony replied.

“Wade,” Peter’s tone held a pleading quality to it. His way of not so subtly asking for him to play nice. “We need to figure out what to do.”

Wade clenched his jaw, but nodded.

“Babe?” Peter waited for Wade’s attention to be on him. “What happened?”

“The file wasn’t complete.” Wade hissed, “It looked like it was. I didn’t know the baby was even there until I already unalived the parents. I couldn’t just leave him there, could I?” He honestly expected for Peter to tell him that he, in fact, should have left the baby there.

“You’re right, you couldn’t just leave him there. You did a great job taking care of him. Now we have to figure out what to do with him.” Peter calmly replied.

“We could just keep him, You wanted kids,” Wade shrugged, like it was a no brainer.

“Yeah, I know, I know. Petey’s given up a lot to be with me, you ass, I haven’t forgotten.” Wade hissed in response to the boxes.

A part of Wade’s brain that wasn’t focused on arguing with Yellow, noticed Peter standing up from the couch and handing the baby to Tony. He heard Peter tell his father, “He’s not wearing a diaper, sorry.” And then he was standing in front of Wade, and reaching up to grasp Wade’s face in his hands. Wade automatically leaned into the touch and focused back on Peter. “I’d give up everything to be with you.”

Wade’s eyes widened, realizing his argument with Yellow was out loud, once again. Peter’s quiet confession scared the daylights out of him.

{Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him!} White directed.

Without any hesitation, the Merc with a Mouth followed White’s suggestion (demand).

Tony loudly cleared his throat. “I hate to break up this love fest, actually, I don’t, but can we get a diaper over here?”

They both turned to look at Tony, who was squirming in discomfort.

Chapter Text

Peter rifled through the items Wade brought home and successfully pulled loose a diaper and a pair of pajamas, he chuckled as he tossed the Avengers themed pajamas to Tony.

Tony stared at Peter, blinking owlishly, at the diaper now in his hands. “What am I supposed to do with this?”

“You’re literally a genius, dad. I think you can figure it out.” He rolled his eyes. “I’ll be making the little guy a bottle.” He turned away as Tony made noises (sputtering) of outrage, ignoring it completely.

Tony muttered under his breath, grumbling.

Peter smirked, “What was that, dad?”

“AS YOU WISH, SMARTASS KING PETER.” Tony shouted, standing up to bow down. Tony wore his signature smirk, and then knelt down on the floor.

“THE PRINCESS BRIDE. EXCELLENT REFERENCE. 10 POINTS TO RAVENCLAW!” Wade exclaimed.

Peter cackled helplessly at their antics. He couldn’t even bring himself to be frustrated that the baby woke up and was babbling right along with them. He leaned over, grabbing onto his knees to stabilize himself as he continued to laugh. He heaved in giant breaths of air, feeling his sides ache with the force of his laughter.

He pulled Wade along to the sink and turned back around to grab what he needed, adding, “You’re learning how to do this.”

The older man nodded, watching attentively as Peter showed him what to do. It surprised Peter, honestly, how eager Wade seemed to be to learn, and to help.

“So, can I use your lawyers?” Peter called over his shoulder.

Tony’s response came quickly. “Yup. What’s the plan here? Social Services will be a nightmare.”

“Let’s call the lawyers first. Maybe we can take care of him until he has a new home. I am a licensed foster parent.” When Peter was met with silence, he turned to look at Wade and Tony, who wore matching expressions of disbelief. He rolled his eyes. “I have been for a while, actually.”

Wade half listened to the conference call Tony set up with his lawyers, keeping himself busy in the kitchen, making tacos and putting various baby items away in different cabinets. He wandered to the couch every now and again to play with Peter’s hair, look at the baby, and leave a platter over flowing with tacos. He kept up a running commentary, talking back and forth with the boxes.

“Wade. Hello, Wade!” Peter’s voice cut through his tangled thoughts. Once Wade turned his attention towards Peter, he began talking. “The baby is staying for now. Dad’s lawyers are working on things.”

“Oh, cool,” Wade smiled, “Thanks, Stark.”

Tony rolled his eyes as he stood from the couch. “Yeah. I’ll have FRIDAY send over anything you’ll need, including a car for the time being.” Tony turned to look at Peter, staring fiercely. Wade flinched, regardless that the glare wasn’t aimed towards him. “Don’t argue, Underoos. Your car is a deathtrap. I expect you and the baby at the Tower tomorrow.” He glanced down at the baby and shuddered slightly.

Wade smirked, amused by Tony’s obvious discomfort around the infant.

Peter wanted to argue with his adoptive father, but his jaw audibly shut with a click, as he realized that without a doubt, his car is not safe for a baby. If he were really being honest with himself, he would admit that the car probably wasn’t even safe for him, an adult, sometimes Avenger, and Spider-Man. His shoulders slouched, and he nodded glumly.

He rolled his eyes good naturedly as Tony ruffled his hair before going to his Iron Man suit and leaving. “He’s so extra,” He groaned, smiling when he heard Wade honest-to-god giggle behind him. “We better go to bed before this guy wakes up. If I’m right about how old he is, then he won’t sleep for more than a couple hours at a time.”

Connor tucked to his chest, even as Wade shut the balcony and turned off almost all of the lights, leaving just the lamp on the coffee table.

He watched Wade with half lidded eyes, as the man stood before him.

“Want me to take him?” Wade questioned.

Peter nodded his agreement and slowly reached out to hand Connor to Wade. He stood slowly, stretching his muscles. “I’ll be up in a minute,”

Wade leaned over and pressed a kiss to Peter’s temple, a hum of agreement leaving his lips.

The Merc with a Mouth woke up for the fifth time since he had gone to bed, to the sounds of the baby whimpering inside the portable crib. He held his breath, hoping that if he didn’t make any noise Connor would fall back to sleep.  After a few seconds it was obvious that wouldn’t happen. He slowly sat up, reaching for the baby, eyes half shut. He pulled the baby close to his chest, rocking slightly, as he forced his eyes to open fully. He was grateful after the first time they had been woken up, that they had left the bedroom door cracked open and the hall light left on. He looked down at Connor’s face, wondering what could be wrong with him now.

He checked his diaper, happily noting it wasn’t wet yet, and assumed the kid had to be hungry, again.

<;Look at you, actually being a useful member of society for once.>

“Yeah, yeah. I hear ya, Yellow.” He mumbled, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible to not wake Peter. He stood from the bed and grabbed a clean bottle, making his way to their bathroom, baby cradled in one arm. He quickly filled the bottle with water and then paused, scrunching his face in confusion as he tried to remember how many scoops he was supposed to add.

{1 scoop for every 2 ounces of water. It’s not rocket science, moron.}

“Are ya sure?” Wade asked, not really sure he wanted to believe the box.

{Yes}

Both boxes sounded exasperated.

“I can’t help but be skeptical.”

“Yes.” He blinked at himself in the mirror. His scowl turned into a smile as he took in the sight of himself holding the baby. The baby stared at him, little fingers reaching towards him. He quickly grabbed the container of formula and read the directions, sighing as he realized the boxes were correct. He disregarded the cheering that went on in his head as they both celebrated their ‘told you so’ moment.

He finished making the bottle, shaking it dutifully as he went back to the bed, climbing in. He yawned, loudly, and frowned as Peter stirred. Peter’s movements stilled, and Wade quickly situated himself to be comfy on the bed, sitting cross legged. The baby made quick work of the bottle, draining the four ounces in astounding time, and cooed contentedly even as Wade shifted the little guy, propping him so his head was on Wade’s shoulder. He gently patted Connor’s back, chuckling when he burped loudly, almost impressed by the little guy.

Peter woke up to the sun in his eyeballs and happy cooing next to him. He rolled onto his side taking in the sight of Wade fast asleep, baby tucked securely against his chest, an empty bottle tossed above the two on one of their pillows. He laid there, watching the two, and felt his chest fill with warmth.

Peter leaned over, smiling directly over Connor, and watched as the infant smiled back, cooing even louder. “Heya, buddy. You’re so happy,” He murmured and pressed his face against the fuzzy blonde hair, and inhaled deeply. “Good morning, little guy. Let’s go before we wake up Wade, huh?” He reached over and started to pick up the baby. Wade’s arms clenched, holding on tight, and Peter stared in astonishment as Wade’s eyes pop wide open.

“It’s okay, babe. It’s just me,” Peter soothed.

Wade’s grip immediately relaxed and he let go of Connor. “Thought he was fallin’,” He slurred.

“It’s okay,” Peter repeated, “Go back to sleep, I’ve got him.”

The brunette chuckled as Wade’s eyes closed immediately, and he began snoring. He picked the baby up, and carried him out to the living room. “Alright, let’s get you in a clean diaper, fed, and then I’ll make some food for us big people. It’s gonna be a long day, you know that?” He realized that his voice softened dramatically, as he spoke to Connor.

He hummed as he set about the tasks of changing Connor’s diaper, outfit (This one with Captain America on the shirt), and making him a bottle.

Once Connor was fed and burped, he came to the realization that he had nowhere to set him down, to make himself breakfast. He groaned. “What am I supposed to do now, huh, bud?” He watched Connor smile at him, again. He briefly debated webbing the baby to himself, then decided against it. The idea of being over the stove, baby strapped to his chest wasn’t favorable. Different scary, hospital inducing scenarios played through his head.

 “Let’s try this, alright.” Peter laid a blanket out on the floor and put Connor on his back, in the center of it. Then he grabbed the throw pillows off the couch and placed them around the edges of the blanket, and then the cushions from the couch. “Be good, I’ll be right back. Just gonna make some breakfast.”

Wade awoke to the smell of pancakes permeating the apartment. He sat up slowly, arching his back and popping it as he brought himself to his feet. “Ugh.” He made his way to the living room, and stopped short as he noticed Connor barricaded on the blanket with every cushion and pillow in the room, and Peter sitting next to him. He took a second to watch the two, enjoying the sight. “Did ya make some for me?” He asked, hopefully.

“Yup, a batch just for you, with chocolate chips.”

“Aw, baby boy, you do love me.”

Peter turned to look at him, just to roll his eyes. “Is that all it takes to show you how much I love you, you big goof?”

“Nah, you show me in plenty of ways,” Wade disagreed, happily.

“Go get some food and join us,” Peter prompted.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, Imma going.”

Fully dished up with a plate heaping with pancakes, he made his way over to his boyfriend and Connor, plopping down heavily next to Peter across from Connor. “How long ya been awake, Petey?”

Peter shrugged, “An hour? I dunno, I didn’t check the time.”

Wade nodded, thoughtfully.

“Are you okay with him for a moment? I need to check my phone.”

Wade motioned with the hand not holding his food, to go ahead, his mouth full with a heaping bite of pancakes. Peter jumped up, and left the room, returning a few moments later with his phone.

“FRIDAY says the baby items will be here in the next hour or so, and Happy is bringing the car. Are you going with us to the Tower?”

“As much fun as that sounds, no, I’ve got some work to do,” Wade announced as he stood up.

Peter nodded, a frown forming. “About Connor’s parents?”

Wade hated whenever Peter frowned. He grabbed a hold of Peter’s hand, pulling the younger man up from the floor and against his chest. He wrapped both of his arms around Peter’s waist, and leaned down, pressing his lips to Peter’s forehead.

Peter knew Happy would arrive soon, but he hadn’t quite counted on the man arriving as soon as he did. Especially considering that FRIDAY had left a text on his phone saying Happy’s ETA wasn’t for another ten to fifteen minutes. The knock on the door startled Peter and he rushed to open it.

He couldn’t help the flashbacks to his teenage years and how impatient Happy would be if he had to wait for Peter, even if it were only one or two minutes. He supposed it had a lot to do with how often the man had had to wait for Tony over the years.

In his haste to open the door he used more strength than necessary, slamming it against the wall. Dry wall rained down and Connor immediately started crying from the bedroom. He groaned, frustrated with himself. He quickly let go of the door, as if it had burned him, and faced Happy with a grimace.

Happy barely contained his snort of amusement.  “Hey, kid.”

“Hey, Happy,” Peter replied, he turned his head towards the bedroom, watched Wade poke his head from the bedroom, shake his head, and go back inside.

“Got some things brought up already, but there’s more in the car, you want to grab this?” Happy announced, motioning towards a large box and several bags sitting on the floor in the hallway.

“Sure,” He readily agreed, stooping low to pick up the large box. Happy returned to the elevator while Peter brought in the box, and bags.

“This is everything,” Happy grumbled, dropping another dozen bags with an eye roll. “I think Tony and FRIDAY went overboard.”

Peter chuckled. “Probably, but babies do need a lot.”

“Well, kid, if we want to get to the Tower on time, and avoid Tony’s crap, we better get that car seat put together and head out.”

Peter sat down on the carpeted floor, pulling the giant box towards him, and quickly opened it.

Chapter Text

Wade, wearing his full Deadpool uniform, left the bedroom in time to see Peter throw an obscenely large instruction booklet on the floor in front of him. He threw himself backward onto the floor with his hands covering his face. “Seriously! How hard can this be?”

Wade catapulted over the couch- ignoring Happy sitting on it- to stand next to Peter’s prone body. “Make way baby boy for the one and only Wade Wilson! Merc with a Mouth: Antihero! Here to save the day and put together a car seat!”

Peter pried his hands from his face long enough to roll his eyes, “Be my guest. See if you get anywhere.”

The merc kicked at Peter’s leg, encouraging the other man to move out of his way. Peter rolled his entire body and wiggled like a worm until he was facing Wade and the car seat; Ready to watch the older man's attempt.

Happy watched impassively from the couch shaking his head at Deadpool's antics. He kept glancing down at the watch on his wrist. “Kid, we have to get going.”

“I know, but—” Peter was cut off by Wade growling his exasperation. "I can’t go anywhere.” He opened his arms to encompass the mess in front of him and Wade.

“Relax, Forehead of Security, I almost got it,” Wade grunted as he attempted to fit the car seat into its base. The pieces clunked together obnoxiously but did not go into place. Wade stood and in one quick motion pulled both katanas off his back holding them menacingly towards the car seat.

“Wade! No! I NEED the car seat!” Peter shouted as he jumped to his feet.  

Deadpool hesitated before slowly placing his katanas back in their sheaths, his shoulders relaxed, and his head hung slightly lower.

Happy stood and stepped around the other two men, annoyance clear in every line of his body. “Get Jr ready, kid. I’ll deal with the car seat.” As one Peter and Wade swiveled, eyes glued to Happy as he gracefully squatted in front of the mostly put-together seat. A couple of excruciating moments later, Happy had the seat finished and secured in its base.

Peter’s eyes widened with his astonishment. Wade’s gloved hand came up and repeatedly patted at Peter’s arm, each pat getting more and more forceful than the last. Without turning to look Peter grabbed ahold of Wade’s hand and gripped it tightly within his own, and asked, “How in the world did you do that?”

“Wait! Wait!” Wade’s voice came out strangled. “You knew this entire time!”

The Merc with a Mouth waited exactly fifteen minutes after Happy and Peter left with Connor before he had pulled a burner phone from one of the many pockets in his utility belts. He pressed call on the only number in the contacts list.

The line rang three times before it was picked up.

“Weasel here.”

“What the fuck, Weas! Is this how you run St Margaret’s, now? Givin’ the Merc incomplete files!” Wade’s voice cut through the air with a venomous fury.

“Are you saying your mark wasn’t complete?”

“No, asshole, it’s complete, but the file wasn’t. Now I’m stuck with some kid.”

“Uh,” Weasel seemed to be at a loss for words.

“I’m on my way.” Wade hung up the phone without giving Weasel the chance to respond. He pressed a button hidden on his belt, and vanished, instantly reappearing inside St Margaret’s School for Wayward Children, directly behind Weasel.

Wade leaned against the counter holding the multitudes of liquor, watching Weasel pour and mix a fruity cocktail. His eyebrow rose, under his mask as he and the massive biker sitting at the bar made eye contact. He watched with amusement as the man blushed and ducked his head down.

Deadpool crossed his arms as he waited for Weasel to turn around and replace the bottles of liquor. As Weasel turned, he immediately jumped, releasing a decidedly not manly squeak- he would deny that happened until the day he died. - He dropped both bottles in his hands and they crashed to the floor. They shattered as they hit and spread glass all over the area. 

Weasel quickly schooled his expression into one of annoyance, glaring inefficiently at Deadpool. Deadpool snickered and leaned over bracing his hands on his knees. 

<Do it again, DO IT AGAIN!>

{Do it for the viiiiine,}

Wade forced himself to reply to the boxes in his head, as opposed to out loud. I’m not doing it again. Serious business and all that.

<LIES. Do it again. It will be funny.>

Fine! Just shuddup, would ya? I wanna get this figured out before I start forgetting important bits and bobs.

{You mean bits and pieces?}

Sure, that. C’mon. Deadpool pulled his hand from his knee and pressed the button on his teleporter again to pop up directly behind Weasel. The teleportation was near instantaneous, so Weasel didn’t have a chance to see him move.

Deadpool stood behind Weasel and tapped him on the shoulder. As Weasel jumped and turned around, Deadpool pressed the button again, and was again behind Weasel.

Deadpool did this three more times before Weasel started catching on.

The massive biker, still seated at the bar, chuckle snorted. The Merc with a Mouth fell to his knees, amid the broken glass and laughed until he felt tears running down his face beneath the mask.

“Are you done?” Weasel growled.

“Nope,” Deadpool barely got the word out around his laughter.

“That’s it, give me back the teleporter. You don’t deserve it.”

The laughter quickly died away at Weasel’s threat. “Nope. You aren’t getting it back. Nope, nope, nope."

“Go upstairs.” Weasel instructed.

With a bounce, Wade was back on his feet. He bowed low to Weasel, turned to wink at the biker still bowed, and once again used the teleporter to move himself upstairs into Weasel’s apartment. He landed directly in the corner of the worn-out couch in the center of Weasel’s living room.

Peter felt his stress levels rising as he stood in the elevator with Happy and Connor. Happy continuously checked his watch despite not waiting more than a few seconds between each look. With FRIDAY at the controls for the elevator, the ride never took long. He felt the urge to snap the watch off Happy’s wrist and stomp it into bits and pieces, the next time Happy looked at it.

“Tony will understand,” He settled on saying, forcing himself not to sound as cranky as he felt.

“Time is money,” Happy grumbled.

Peter forced himself not to roll his eyes. Finally, the elevator slowed, and the doors popped open. Peter readjusted his grip on the car seat handle and stepped out, making his way to the glass doors of Tony’s private lab. Through the doors he could hear the loud rock music playing. “FRIDAY, can you lower the volume in there?”

The volume turned down as FRIDAY opened the doors to the lab. Tony popped up from behind a desk and looking straight at one of FRIDAY’s cameras, said, “What the hell! Turn my music back up!”

“That would be unwise, Boss.”

“And why is that?” Tony put his hands on his hips and cocked his head to the side.

Peter watched the interaction between Tony and his AI in amusement.

“Because it would be detrimental to an infant’s hearing without ear protection.”

“Why…oh.” Tony turned around.

Peter waved and walked further into the lab, stopping to stand next to the older man. “Sorry we’re late.”

“You were late?”

“Well, if you asked Happy, we’re super late. If you ask me, it’s only like an hour late, give or take.”

Tony rolled his eyes, “Did he give you the ‘time is money’ speech?”

“Yup, he did. And checked his watch every couple of seconds.”

“You would think he was the CEO of a company.” Tony rolled his eyes.

“I’m standing right here,” Happy grumbled.

“What made you late and put Happy in a mood?” Tony asked.

“Car seat.” Peter sullenly answered and lifted the seat up slightly in the air, as if that explained everything.

Tony ruffled Peter’s hair, “You know, kid, I thought we were passed the teenaged monosyllabic answers, what with you being a full-fledged adult now.”

“It’s been a stressful day,” He admitted, “the car seat was a nightmare.”

“It’s a car seat. How could it possibly have been a nightmare?”

Peter quickly recounted the woes of putting together a car seat, ending his long tale by exclaiming, “Then, Happy just swooped in and put it together in 3 seconds, flat!”

“It can’t have been that hard, especially if Happy can figure it out.”

“Yeah, not that hard. I bet you can’t do any better.”

“I bet I can do it in a third of the time.”

Peter leaned against one of the many tables in the lab with Connor in his arms. “So, you told Pepper, right?”

Tony lifted his head from the file open on a Stark Tablet. “Duh, Underoos.”

“So, what’s up?”

“What’s up is that I’ve spent more time talking to my lawyers than I ever have before.”

“I mean, you usually have Pepper deal with them, but go off.”

“LIES!” Tony protested.

He rolled his eyes completely ignoring Tony’s antics and prompted his dad to get on with it.

“They’ve notified DCS and have managed to keep incriminating information limited. All that anyone needs to know is that the baby is safe and in capable hands. There will be home visits from DCS, and potential meetings with adoptive parents. In the meantime, I have NDA’s written up and a lawyer on standby 24/7 for now. Am I forgetting anything, FRIDAY?”

FRIDAY replied quickly, “Yes, the child is to be seen by a pediatrician in the next day or two, for a full work up. I have compiled a list of all pediatricians in this area and found the top 3 based on criteria I find pertinent.”

“Okay, wow. That’s a lot of information.” Peter shifted Connor in his arms, staring into the baby’s eyes, and tried to form his thoughts into some semblance of organized. “So, can we meet the Pediatrician here?” He directed the question to Tony but wasn’t all that surprised when FRIDAY spoke before he could.

“Yes, Peter. Miss Pott’s informed me that once a Pediatrician has been selected to set up the appointment here at the Tower and she will accompany you. She has also requested to meet your charge before then, and expects a call from you, Peter.”

“A-absolutely, FRIDAY. Will you tell her I’ll call her this evening? And can you and Karen coordinate the appointment? I trust you to find the best pediatrician and set everything up.” He paused and then hastily tacked on, “Please.”

“Of course, Peter, it will be my pleasure.”

Peter’s adopted father groaned. “Why? Why don’t you ever sass the kid? It’s all, ‘of course, Peter,’ and ‘anything for you, Peter,’”

“Jealousy is not a good color on you, Dad.” Peter laughed. 

Chapter Text

Peter stared down at the phone in his hands, sighing heavily. His thumb hovered over the the name on his screen. Taking a deep breath he pressed call. Ringing filled the room as he clicked speaker on. The phone rang several times before the other line picked up.

“Hello, Peter,” Pepper Stark’s voice rang clearly through the speakers.

“Hey mom.”

“Dad told me you ‘acquired’ a baby.”

“Yeah, FRIDAY and Karen scheduled an appointment for him. I’m not really sure how I end up in situations like this.”

“As Ned would say, ‘what is your life, dude?’” Pepper laughed. “Have you told May?”

“No. I don’t think May is going to be very happy about this.”

“Probably not, however your aunt is one of the most kindest and accepting women possible. Don’t wait too long to talk to her.”

“I won’t, thanks mom.”

“Of course, sweetheart. Now, the appointment is at 2, I’d like to spend some time with you and Connor before hand. Come to the tower at noon?”

“Sure,” He agreed easily. After a few more minutes of conversation Peter hung up. A large weight had been taken off his shoulders.

He had honestly expected for his adoptive mother to be a lot more upset about the situation he and his boyfriend were in and needing the use of their lawyers.

The next hurdle was telling the woman who raised him after the death of his parents and then his uncle. His aunt May. Pepper was right. May had always been his number one supporter and had always believed in him. She trusted him to do what was right.

He opened his texts and quickly punched in a text to May. Hey Aunt May. Can u swing by?

His phone dinged quickly with a response. Sure, be there soon. All good?

Yes and no. Rather talk in person.

K. See u in 30.

Peter locked his screen and set it on the coffee table. He leaned back, closing his eyes tightly. His rubbed his forehead roughly.  

He cringed slightly to hear whimpering coming from the bedroom. He opened his eyes and stood. Peter quietly walked to his and Wade’s bedroom and peaked his head through the door. Connor laid in the playpen, little hands waving in the air and still whimpering. Peter stepped into the room and leaned over the play pen.

As soon as Connor’s blue eyes caught sight of Peter the whimpering stopped.

“You sure are cute, aren’t you?”

“Oh, Petey-Pie, that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to the likes of me.”

Without turning Peter rolled his eyes. “It’s not, actually. I tell you way sweeter all the time. Anyways, it so happens, I was talking to the cutie pie who shouldn’t be awake from a nap yet.”

“Careful Petey, you might make me jealous.”

“Aunt May will be here soon.” Peter announcer while picking up the baby, completely ignoring Wade’s statement. “If you could help me keep the little guy occupied while I clean up, I’d appreciate it.”

Wade immediately began making grabby hands for Connor.

“He needs a butt change.” Peter warned his partner. Wade continued making the grabbing motion. Peter chuckled fondly and handed him over.

The younger man watched Wade and Connor for a moment, a smile on his face, before he made his way back to the living room.

The living room was in complete disarray. The makeshift baby area made of pillows and cushions took up most of the floor space. All the bags of items for Connor that Happy had provided were scattered between the living room and kitchen. Pieces of the box for the car seat and styrofoam strewn in every direction.

Peter took a fortifying breath before he grabbed as many bags as he could in one trip and took them to the kitchen. He neatly unpacked each bag and stacked the items on the counter. After unpacking the items it only took Peter a few minutes to finish straightening up the living room.

“How’s Thai sound for dinner?” Peter called up to the loft.

“Sure thing, Spidey-Tits.”

He rolled his eyes and pulled his phone out and quickly placed their usual order as well as May’s normal order for delivery.

As Peter hung up the phone he heard footsteps in the hall. Even without the enhanced hearing, he would recognize May’s footsteps anywhere. He went to the door and had it open before May had the chance to knock.

His aunt sucked in air and hissed it through her teeth, her hand flying up to her chest. “I wish you would stop doing that, Peter.” May scolded.

Peter’s cheeks tinged pink. “Sorry, Aunt May. I didn’t mean to startle you. Come on in.”

Once May stepped through the door Peter didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around her in a tight hug.

May hugged her nephew just as tightly before pulling back and looking deeply into Peters eyes. She kept a firm grip on his forearms as she searched his eyes. “As much as I love seeing you, what’s going on?”

Peter nodded towards the living room, “Come on, lets sit and I’ll tell you everything.” He led his aunt to the couch and they both sat down. Peter sat facing towards her, their knees touching. Quickly, Peter began to explain everything that had happened in the last 24 hours, including that he had called his adoptive father first and what steps they had taken in order to fix the situation he and his partner had found themselves in.

Aunt May sat in stunned silence, her mouth opening and closing in her shock. As her nephews story came to a close, May sat a little straighter on the couch. “And where is the baby now?”

“Upstairs with Wade.”

“I want to meet him and have a word with Wade.”

“Yes ma’am. Just, uh, maybe don’t be too hard on Wade? He’s beating himself up over it enough as it is.”

“Peter, don’t you worry.” She patted his knee.

Peter stood from the couch and made his way back to his and Wades bedroom. “Aunt May is here, wanna bring the little guy down to meet her?”

Wade sat on the edge of their bed with Connor sitting on his lap. The older man looked up slowly from the baby to Peter. His pockmarked face was tinged pink, and his yellowed eyes held a million secrets. Peter took in the hunched shoulders and Wades inability to fully look him in the eyes.

“Wade, is it getting loud?”

It took Wade several long moments before he was able to nod his head, like the words didn’t register to him.

After over an hour with Weasel, Wade teleported back to his and Peter’s apartment by the kitchen table. All the lights were off. He did a quick once through the apartment, guaranteeing that his boyfriend and Connor weren’t back yet. He wandered around, turning on lights as he went. He flopped on to the couch and reached for the Xbox controller. He scrolled through the games downloaded on the console. Within a few moments he turned the Xbox back off and reached for the button on his belt. In the blink of an eye he was back on Weasel’s couch.

The reappearance of Wade on his couch startled Weasel badly enough that he jumped and screamed. “What the fuck are you doing back?”

Wade shrugged, “Got bored.”                   

Hours later, after having overstayed his welcome with Weasel, Wade teleported back to his and Peter’s apartment. It was immediately apparent to him that Peter and the baby were finally home. He could hear faint noises coming from the bedroom and lights were on.

Noises filtered back in for Wade after an indeterminate time. He was too lost in his own thoughts arguing with Yellow and White to notice much of the outside world. Full awareness instead of the bare minimum natural response, flooded his body as gentle hands pulled the baby from him. His head whipped up and his grip tightened for half a second before he fully released his hold.

Wades eyes found Peters, full of understanding and calm. “Do you need a moment? Aunt May is here now and she’d like to see you and meet Connor.”

Wade thought carefully for a moment, shoving White and Yellow into the corner of his mind the best that he could. He shook his head and shoved himself upwards. His body twinged in protest and he felt his skin rubbing painfully against his clothes.

He followed Peter back towards his aunt, waving and blowing raspberries at Connor. The baby cooed and bobbed his head at Wade, against Peter’s shoulder. Wade darted forward, hands on Peter’s waist to pull him to a stop, and dropped a wet kiss against Connor’s cheek. He squealed in delight.

Peter turned and grinned at Wade and then grabbed ahold of one of Wade’s hands, pulling him forward so they were side by side. He entwined their fingers and led the way to the couch. Wade sat down on an armchair while Peter sat on the couch with May.

“Hello, Wade, dear.” May immediately turned her attention from Wade to the little boy. “Hand that little cutie over, Peter.”

After a long morning of sorting and finding homes for the newly acquired baby items, Peter and Connor left for the Tower to meet with Pepper. The trip felt like it took twice as long than it normally did with the baby in the car. He was grateful that Connor seemed perfectly content, despite Peter’s rising heart rate and fear of something happening as he drove them across the city.

He was relieved to finally pull into the underground garage of Stark Tower. FRIDAY greeted him as he stepped out of the car and took Connor out of his car seat, letting him know where Pepper was.

Within minutes Peter and Connor arrived in the penthouse.

Pepper stood waiting for the two at the elevator.

“Hi, Peter.” She pressed a kiss to the top of Peter’s head. “You, sweet boy, must be Connor.”

“Hey mom. Where’s dad?”

“He’ll be up soon, I left him in a board meeting.”

“That’s cold.”

Pepper shrugged and motioned down the hall. “I sent for pizza for lunch. I took the liberty of having FRIDAY order some essential baby equipment for here to make it easier for you and Wade.”

“Oh, jeez, thanks mom. You didn’t have to do that. You and dad have already done more than enough.”

“As your dad would say, ‘I don’t do anything I don’t want to,’ and this is definitely something I want to do, baby. There’s a playpen set up in the living room and a baby gated area with some toys.”

Peter and Pepper made themselves comfortable on the living room floor with Connor laying on his tummy between them. They watched him gurgling and cooing contentedly.

“The pizzas have arrived in the main lobby, Mr. Hogan is bringing them up.” FRIDAY announced, breaking the quiet of the room.

“Thanks, FRIDAY. Is Tony still in the meeting?”

“No, ma’am. The meeting ended several moments ago and Boss is on his way up.”

“Wonderful. Please alert us when the pediatrician has arrived.”

Chapter Text

Having laid out a large, soft quilt on the floor, Peter lay on the living room floor blowing raspberries at Connor while Tony and Pepper lounged on the sofa, chatting quietly and watching Peter and the baby.

“Boss, Deadpool is requesting entrance to the penthouse.”

“Let him up, Fri.” Tony rolled his eyes. “He’ll find a way in here even if I tried to stop him.”

“Dad,” Peter admonished, “He’s family.”

“Yeah, yeah, Underoos. I’m still getting used to it.”

“We’ve been together for years.” Peter deadpanned.

“Okay, you caught me. I just like messing with him.”

“Uh-huh. There is a fine line between messing with someone and straight up bullying.” He warned.

“Yeah, kid, I get it.”

“I believe that as much as I believe my middle name is Gullible.” Peter rolled his eyes.

“See, I think I would have noticed such a terrible middle name like that when I signed your adoption paperwork and done something about it.”

The brunette sighed heavily, turning back to the baby to say, “He’s a pain. I hope you never get as sassy as he is.”

Connor cooed and a wide, drooly grin covered his face. Peter leaned down and covered the babies face with kisses.

The elevator dinged down the hallway. In his typical pullover dark hoodie, with the hood pulled low to cover his masked face, Wade stepped into the living room.

“Hello, Wade.” Pepper greeted him, gracefully standing from the couch and walking over to gently pat Wade’s arm. “Make yourself comfortable. Would you like some pizza?”

There was a barely perceptible nod. “Might be the most welcome I ever felt here before. Thought for sure I was gonna have to fight to come in.”

“Don’t worry, Wade. You won’t have to worry about that again. Your family and Tony will start playing nicely.” She turned to glare at her husband.

Peter hopped to his feet and to feet to Wade. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Wade’s mask covered cheek, briefly pushing his hood out of his way.

With a parting glare at Tony, Pepper left the living room. Peter took Wade’s gloved hand in his own and led him over to the blanket on the floor with Connor.

Wades shoulders relaxed noticeably as he lay down on the blanket next to the baby. He grabbed a small rattle, gently shaking it. Connor gurgled and cooed his approval. In moments Wade was fully invested in Connor, the world outside of the two didn’t seem to exist.

Pepper wandered back in, setting an overflowing plate between Wade and Peter.

It wasn’t until the pediatrician arrived that Wade seemed to come back to reality. He listened, silent aside from shaking toys, as he listened to Tony, Pepper and Peter talk to the pediatrician.

“You said you have his records?” The doctor directed her question to Tony.

“Yup. Friday, will you pull them up?” Friday immediately projected the documents onto a hologram display from Tony’s phone laying on the coffee table.

The doctor quickly scanned through them, nodding to herself before she turned her attention to the baby. “Well, let’s take a look at the little guy.”

Wade quickly sat up and moved back as Peter moved to sit the baby in his lap. She listened to his heart, checked his mobility and asked about how he was eating.

“It seems that he’s due for some vaccines.” She rattled of several names of vaccines and quickly explained them. Peter nodded along as Wade continued quietly listening.

The doctor began preparing to give Connor his shots. She wiped his thigh with an alcohol prep pad and pushed the needle in. Immediately Connor began screaming, fat tears rolling down his chunky cheeks.

Wade jumped to his feet and shoved himself in between his boyfriend and the baby and the doctor. The hood of his sweater fell back at the fast movement, showing a glimpse of the Deadpool mask.

The pediatrician’s eyes widened, gasping, she took several steps back.

“Wade, wade, it’s okay. Shit, I didn’t think that through, Wade, Connor’s okay.” Peter quickly stood, cradling Connor in his arms. In a silent exchange, Pepper quickly grabbed the baby from Peter. The younger man stepped around to the front of Wade, redirecting his attention. He slowly reached out and too Wade’s hand in his own.

“Mom, can you please take Connor to your room? Dad, maybe you and the doctor can go make some hot chocolate and give us a few minutes?” Peter kept his tone even and soothing.

No one spoke aside from Peter as they hastily followed Peter’s directions.

Peter’s sensitive hearing picked up on Friday’s voice over the kitchen speakers, telling Tony their floor would be on lockdown until Wade was under control again. Gratitude and relief flowed through Peter at the AI’s quiet and calm discretion. He knew the Avengers would be alerted automatically to what happened, but it wouldn’t allow them access unless things went south.

“I’m going to lift your mask, okay? It’s just us in here. I want to see your eyes, babe. It’s fine.” Peter continued to talk soothingly as he gently peeled the mask off.

Once the mask was off, Peter slowly reached up to cup Wade’s cheek in his palm. Though his eyes were glassy and far away, he automatically nuzzled into Peter’s hand. He lazily stroked his thumb over Wade’s scared cheek and lip, until Wade’s eyes started to refocus, all the while talking quietly to him.

“Hey, you.” Peter murmured as Wade’s eyes focused on his own. “Do you want to sit?”

Peter waited, knowing it would take his other half a moment or two to be able to respond. When he got a barely perceptible nod, he led Wade to the couch.

“Can I touch you?’’

“Mhmm.”

“I need a yes or no, babe.”

“Yes.” Wades voice was raspy.

Peter leaned his shoulder against Wade’s, knowing his boyfriend wouldn’t respond well to more contact than that. “I’m sorry, babe. I should have thought that through better.”

“Is the baby okay?”

“Connor’s okay. He was just a little scared and startled by the shot. Are you okay?” Peter waited patiently for Wade to answer. Wade swallowed thickly before answering yes. “Can we talk about that?”

He waited again, pleasantly surprised when Wade answered. “Needed to protect him. Flashbacked to what they did to me, thought they were doing it to him, too.”

Peter’s breath hitched. “Oh, babe. I thought so.  You did great protecting Connor.”

“Did I hurt the doc?”

“No, no, you just put yourself between us and the doctor.”

He nodded. “Spidey-babe, I didn’t want to unalive the doc, I’ve been only unaliving the real scumbags.”

“Yeah, I know, Wade. Everything is fine. The doc is a little freaked out now, but nothing we can’t fix. Connor still needs a couple more shots, but we can handle this. I’ll ask mom to do the shots with Connor and you and I will go to another room until it’s done.”

“Friday, can you end the lockdown please and tell my parents they can come back?” Peter asked the AI.

“Yes Peter.”

Pepper entered the living room with Connor long before Tony and the doctor did. The baby in her arms was no longer crying. She immediately walked to Wade, still sitting on the couch next to Peter, and offered the baby to him. “Here, sweetheart, why don’t you hold him for a few and you can check to make sure that he’s okay with your own eyes.”

Wade, now wearing his mask again, lifted his head to look into Peppers eyes. He nodded, quickly reaching out for the baby, hesitating for half a second before touching the baby. Pepper didn’t hesitate to let him take the baby out of her arms.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” Peter questioned even as he stood up. Wade didn’t look up from the baby, barely nodding. Peter and Pepper’s eyes locked on each other as they both smiled. Knowing Wade and Connor would be fine with Pepper, Peter made his way to the kitchen. He assumed Tony was still trying to calm down the doctor.

Sure enough, as Peter walked in, Tony cut himself off and the doctor was still incredibly pale.

“Hey dad, Doc. I wanted to talk to you privately for a moment, if that’s alright?”

“Have at it, kid.” Tony agreed.

“Obviously, Wade is Deadpool. I’m really sorry about what happened in there, and that’s on me. Wade wasn’t born a mutant, the way he got his powers… it wasn’t good. I should have thought twice about the baby getting shots and at least prepared Wade. I didn’t think that it would be a trigger. If you’re still willing to be Connor’s pediatrician and finish this visit, I’ll leave Connor with mom and dad for the remainder of his shots and Wade and I will leave the floor.” Peter nervously rambled on, hoping that by now his dad had done enough damage control already, even without his brief explanation.

The pediatrician looked mollified, nodding slowly as Peter finished talking.

“I’m no stranger to PTSD, I wont lie and say I’m not uncomfortable, but I am willing to overlook this and in the future we’ll be more careful. I admit, everything about this is highly unusual, but I can see that you care deeply for Connor, both yourself and Deaa- Wade, as well as for each other. Communication will be key, in the future, I think.”

“You aren’t wrong,” Peter grinned. “I appreciate that. Now, on a different note. Did you get around to making the hot chocolate, dad?”

“On the stove, kid. This isn’t my first rodeo.”

Mugs of hot chocolate nestled firmly in their hands, Peter and Wade made their way to the elevator. “Let Steve and the others know we’re coming down to visit for a few minutes, please?” Peter asked the AI.

“Consider it done, Peter.”

They rode down the elevator in companionable silence, shoulders brushing. The doors opened to the Common Floor, and they were greeted by Steve and Natasha waiting for them.

“Hot chocolate?” Steve’s eyebrow rose, “everything okay, gentlemen?”

“It’s getting better,” Peter smiled reassuringly. “I’ll fill you in later, or mom and dad will. We’re hanging out with you for a few minutes while mom and dad take care of something for us.”

“Rather cryptic, Petya.”

Wade snorted and Peter elbowed him playfully. “Swing by the apartment tonight, Aunt Nat.”