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English
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Published:
2020-01-24
Words:
1,016
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1/1
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darkest shade of blue

Summary:

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Are you okay?

The words get stuck in Sanemi’s mouth, refusing to come out. His tongue feels heavy with the unspoken question; because Sanemi and Giyuu? They don’t do this. Never in their acquaintanceship have they ever inquired as to the other’s emotional state, and Sanemi doesn’t want to be the one to break routine.

Even after they’d begun trading tentative kisses in privacy, under moonlight and quiet moments of peace, talking has never truly been what they do. Sanemi and communication do not blend well, and it seems to be much the same with Giyuu. But it’s been fine, because they worked somehow. Despite it all, they worked.

And despite their lack of communication, Sanemi has gotten to know some of Giyuu’s idiosyncrasies over the course of their relationship. Usually Giyuu is a very subdued individual, but if you know where to look, it’s not hard to tell when he’s happy or sleepy of frustrated. The corner of his mouth will give a soft curve when he’s feeling joy; his fingers will twitch when he wants to touch Sanemi; and when he’s sad—truly sad—he will barricade himself in solitude for hours without word.

This is why Sanemi knows something is definitely not right. Giyuu has been sitting near the garden since sunset, never once uttering a single sentence. The sun is long since gone, replaced by a near full moon.

Giyuu gets like this, sometimes. Sanemi had never noticed before, back when he’d been more focused on slaying demons than the well being of anyone around him. He notices now though. He notices how Giyuu seems to shut down and retreat into himself, a shell of a man; and he hates it. He hates that he is fumbling in the dark for how to help. He hates that he still has no idea how to start to even try.

It had taken him a while to realize what it was. Depression manifests differently in Sanemi than it does in Giyuu. While Giyuu seems to shut down completely, Sanemi hides all his grief with fury. When it all gets to be too much, he finds rage is a rather helpful outlet for him. Not the healthiest perhaps, but still. Rage has gotten him out of every demon battle with his life intact, after all.

None of this changes the fact that he has no idea how to help Giyuu be okay, but he can’t just sit there and watch Giyuu sit and stare at the sky for hours on end anymore. He has to do something. 

Wordlessly, Sanemi sits down on the wooden floor next to him.

Giyuu glances at him, blinking away the dryness in his eyes as he stares at Sanemi with a wide, guileless expression. It’s as though he never even noticed Sanemi had been staring at him for the past few minutes, trying to muster the courage to go to him.

“Sanemi?”

Are you okay?

That’s what Sanemi wants to ask.

“It’s fucking freezing,” Sanemi says instead.

“I didn’t notice,” Giyuu says eventually. He looks down at his hands in his lap, flexing them, and says nothing more.

Fine. Words aren’t necessary for them. They never have been.

Without overthinking it, Sanemi takes Giyuu’s hands in his. They’re cold as ice. He brings them to his mouth, puffing soft warm air over them.

“Thank you,” Giyuu tells him.

If this were a normal day, Giyuu’s lip would curl in that familiar half smile, but it isn’t a normal day. So Sanemi presses a dry kiss to his cold knuckles before putting his hands down and softly bumping their shoulders together. Sanemi has found that he’s always been a lot more better at showing rather than telling.

Giyuu goes back to staring at the moon.

Are you okay?

Sanemi tries to sit with him, but it really is freezing and his clothing are not conducive to colder weather.

So he gets up after a couple of minutes, and Giyuu doesn’t move a muscle to follow. He comes back with two cups of freshly brewed tea and wordlessly hands one over to Giyuu, who seems to take it numbly. At least the warmth of the cup brings come color back into Giyuu’s fingers. Sanemi downs his cup in three deep gulps, ignoring the way it scalds his tongue. Leaning against a pillar, Sanemi watches Giyuu blow at the hot drink.

He takes small sips, mostly content to allow the hot steam waft over his face. His nose and cheeks have gone pink from the chill. It seems as though his slayer uniform is also doing little to shield him from the cooler weather. He shivers.

When Giyuu finishes his tea, Sanemi takes the cup from his hands and then places them inside.  Then he returns and holds out an expectant hand to Giyuu. Giyuu stares up at him in confusion.

Sanemi lets out a huff and rolls his eyes. “C’mon. It’s late and I’m fucking exhausted. We should sleep.”

“Oh, should I go home then?” Giyuu asks, moving to stand.

“Did I say that? Just stay here, dumbass,” Sanemi tells him.

This also isn’t something they do, but tonight seems as good a night as any for relationship altering firsts.

If Giyuu is surprised by this big leap Sanemi has taken, he doesn’t show it. What Giyuu does do is take his hand, slow and hesitant. Sanemi pulls him to his feet, and he feels Giyuu’s still too cold hands tightly clasped in his.

Sanemi leans forward, and Giyuu meets him halfway in a shy press of lips. He can feel Giyuu tremble next to him, whether from the cold or something else, Sanemi has no idea. When he pulls away though, Giyuu’s eyes are open, cloudy and unreadable. The blue there is dark and beautiful. Sanemi loves them a little.

More than a little, he realizes. These are words he is also not ready to say just yet. Not in the conventional way, anyway.

A good night for firsts…

Sanemi looks up at the moon.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”

Notes:

\some context for "The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" if you aren't aware!