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“Goddammit!” Jack pulls his hand out from under the console and starts sucking his stinging fingers. “She zapped me again!”
“It’s a delicate repair,” the Doctor begins, “maybe it’s better if I-”
He’s interrupted by Rose’s giggling. Both men turn to her.
“S...sorry,” she laughs, “It’s just so cute how Jack is sucking his thumb.” She blinks at him with huge puppy-dog eyes. “Does ickle Jackyboy have a booboo?”
Jack grins. He could use a little fun and play — the repairs have been incredibly frustrating, and they’ve been at it all day. He gets up and slowly advances on her, flexing his fingers. “Are you implying something, Miss Tyler?”
Rose squeals and tries to run, but he’s too fast for her. He quickly grabs her around the waist with one arm and starts mercilessly tickling her stomach with his free hand.
“Noooooooo!” Rose squeals between gasps of laughter. “Doctor, help!”
The Time Lord rolls his eyes. Jack knows he won’t interfere, beyond maybe a caustic comment about “silly apes.” He never does. The Doctor likes to pretend their silly playing around is beneath him, though Jack knows damn well from the glint in his lover’s eyes that he’s in fact highly amused.
Rose is wriggling like a wild thing now, and her face is turning red. With a final squeeze to the soft flesh just above her hip, Jack lets her go. She takes a moment to catch her breath, then mock-glares at the Doctor. “How come you never help me when your boyfriend’s torturing me, huh? Taking his side?”
The Doctor chuckles. “Rose Tyler, Miss ‘I am an experienced time traveler now and can handle myself in all kinds of situations,’ why’d you need my help to handle Jack?” He shakes his head slightly. “Don’t see why you don’t just get him back.”
Rose rolls her eyes. “And how am I supposed to do that when he’s not even ticklish?”
The Doctor throws a quick glance at Jack, who shrugs and sends him a conspiratorial wink. Suddenly, there’s a dangerous glint in the Doctor’s eyes. “That what he told you, eh?” The Time Lord takes a step towards Jack and grabs his arm.
“Hey — wh- what?” Jack has no idea how it happened — damn Time Lord speed and reflexes — but he suddenly finds himself leaning back against the Doctor’s chest; his lover is tightly hugging his rib cage, and Jack’s arms are pinned between their bodies. He wriggles, but the grip, while not painful, is much too strong to be broken by mere human muscles, especially given the awkward angle. “Doctor, what the hell are you doing?”
He can’t see the Doctor’s face, but he can hear the devious grin in his voice as the Doctor addresses Rose. “Maybe you want to test that for yourself?”
Rose is smiling dangerously, and her eyes are sparkling as she approaches Jack. He gulps.
“Jack… you wouldn’t have been lying to me by any chance? Are you ticklish after all?”
“Um… no?” He tries again to break free, but the Doctor’s arms won’t budge. God, he’s screwed.
“Really?” Rose is standing mere inches from him now. “Well, good, then this shouldn’t bother you at all.” She begins to let her fingers dance over his lowest ribs, the only ones not covered by the Doctor’s arms. The sensation is instantaneous and almost overwhelming, but he bites his tongue and tries to pretend it doesn’t affect him.
Rose is not fooled. She’s got him now, and she’s going to make him pay. Her fingers slide to his stomach and dig in.
Jack bucks violently. He can’t help it. He’s squirming like crazy, but he’s being held too tightly to get away, and Rose’s fingers wriggling up and down on either side of his navel are driving him insane. He can’t hold in the laughter any longer.
“God, Rose no! Please stop… please!” he manages between bursts of laughter.
She giggles. “And why should I? Did you ever stop when I was begging you to?”
“Now, Captain, that’s a very good point she’s making there,” the Doctor chuckles into his ear. He’s going to kill his lover, Time Lord or not.
Rose starts poking the soft spot right under his navel and he tries desperately to get away, pulling himself backwards as much as he can. In doing so, his ass presses against the Doctor’s groin, and he notices that all his squirming is having a very definite effect on the Time Lord. He knows he should have some type of reaction to this, but the tickling is too overwhelming for him to focus on anything else. “Rose… please!”
“Please what? Please tickle you more? Why, it’d be my pleasure.” For some reason, Rose’s teasing tone makes the tickling feel even worse.
She’s now focusing all her attention on one particularly tender spot she’s found just where his T-shirt meets his jeans, and between her merciless onslaught and the Doctor’s playfully rubbing the soft flesh of Jack’s neck with his slightly stubbly cheek, he swears he’s going to pass out soon. At least he hopes he will. “Un…unfair,” he gasps, prompting Rose to dig in even more vigorously.
“Is it?” she asks, grinning at him with her tongue sticking out between her teeth.
No, it’s not. He thoroughly deserves this. But he’ll be damned if he admits that.
“If you really wanna get him, Rose, go for his sides,” the Doctor advises. “If you hit the right spot, it makes him squeal like a little girl.”
And to think it’s usually the Time Lord who tells him that discussing bedroom secrets outside the bedroom is inappropriate. “I… don’t… squeal…” he manages to gasp out.
“We’ll see about that...” Rose grins, and enthusiastically attacks his flanks.
Jack squeals like a little girl, and both Rose and the Doctor laugh at him. Rose keeps wriggling her fingers up and down his sides, focusing on the spots that make him squirm the most, patiently letting the sensation build.
“Oh God, no! Please! Anywhere b-” Jack loses control of his voice to helpless laughter. He feels tears streaming down his face. She has him exactly where she’s wanted him every time he’s done this to her, and he can tell she’s planning to enjoy the opportunity to the fullest.
“Please, I’ll do whatev-” At this point, he’s too weak to even try to fight back, and the Time Lord’s arms are the only thing keeping him upright.
Rose is laughing almost as hard as he is, though for different reasons. “You want me to stop, Jack?”
He doesn’t have the breath to respond verbally, so he just nods desperately.
“All right then. I’ll stop.” But she keeps kneading his sides like bread dough, and it’s driving him wild.
“If, that is…” Rose continues, her voice a teasing sing-song. He sees her throw a devious glance at the Doctor and dreads whatever is coming next. “I’ll stop if you say ‘Raxacoricofallapatorius.’”
She can’t be serious. The Doctor laughs into his ear, his erection throbbing against Jack’s backside. “Looks like we’ll be here a while, lad.”
It’s impossible, but he has to try. The Doctor’s switched to holding him up with one arm around his torso — easy now that he’s too winded to seriously struggle — and is reaching around with his free hand to help Rose. His lover’s big hand on his left side, prodding and poking the weak spots he knows so well, and Rose mounting a full-force ten-finger attack on his right are much more than he can bear. “Ra- Rak-” He can’t even get the first syllable out. And now the Doctor is starting to pull up Jack’s T-shirt, which is thin enough anyway, and if he loses the little protection that offers…
He desperately gulps in air and tries again “Raxacorico-” But Rose drags her fingernails over the now bare skin of his abdomen, and he dissolves into helpless giggles. It’s pointless. He’ll never get it out. He’ll just be tickled to death, right here in the TARDIS console room. What an undignified way to die for an ex-time agent.
Before he can dwell on that thought, Rose stops. “Think he’s had enough,” she giggles. The Doctor’s fingers knead the spot he’s termed Jack’s “squeal button” one more time — thoroughly — then he pulls him around so they’re now facing each other, and wraps him into a tight embrace. “You all right, lad?”
Jack supposes he should be mad, but really, he’s just grateful they stopped. He leans against his lover, letting himself be held up by the strong leather-clad arms, and feels the Time Lord’s erection pulsing against his own groin. This isn’t such a bad place to be in, even though he feels much too exhausted to even think about doing anything amorous. The Time Lord lowers his lips to his, and Jack happily melts into a tender kiss.
Rose is standing next to them — she has long since stopped feeling even the slightest bit awkward around them snogging — and is rubbing his sides firmly, soothing the itchy feeling. He breaks the kiss and looks at her.
She bites her lips. “That wasn’t too much, was it?”
Jack raises an eyebrow. “How’d you feel about being held tight and tickled silly for half an hour?” he asks, but with no real rancor. He’s tickled her to distraction often enough, he knows damn well he had this coming.
The Time Lord laughs. “Four minutes and thirty-eight seconds,” he corrects.
“What?” Jack looks back at his lover. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Nope. ‘xactly four minutes and thirty-eight seconds. Well, and two-hundred and seventy-four milliseconds, if we want to be precise.”
Jack blushes — though he must already be beet-red anyway — and hides his face against the Time Lord’s shoulder. To think he came top of his class in interrogation resistance training. Broke five Time Agency records with his ability to withstand a range of torture techniques. But less than five minutes of having the crap tickled out of him by Rose Tyler, London shop girl, and he’s a wreck.
“Learned a lesson about telling lies to our Rose?” the Doctor teases.
Jack nods mutely. He looks at Rose, who’s standing by the Doctor’s shoulder, and gives her a lop-sided grin. “You know I’m going to get you back for this, right?”
She laughs and nods. “And then I’m going to get you back again. Won’t fall for the ‘That’s a primitive reflex humans have outgrown by my century’ line anymore, will I?”
Jack chuckles. “Fair enough.”
He looks up at the Doctor, whom he’s still leaning against, and captures his lips in another sweet kiss. As they break apart, he cocks his head and smiles teasingly. “And you know I’m going to get you back too, right?”
The Doctor gives him his best “I’m a superior being and so impressive” grin. “Oh, are you now? How’re you gonna do that then, huh?”
Jack’s smile turns evil. “Oh, that’s easy.” He looks at Rose again. “Rose, there’s something I think you should know.”
“Yeah?” She looks at him curiously.
The smile widens into a grin. “The Doctor’s stomach is way more ticklish than mine.”
Seeing the look of absolute horror on the Doctor’s face, and the devilish grin on Rose’s, Jack knows he was right. His lover’s going to pay for this for a long, long time.
The End