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The room were filled with the noise of various beeping and whirs from machines. It somehow made the whiteness of the walls colder than they usually were, and no matter how many furniture or paintings decorated it, it would never feel like a comfortable place.
Especially when the person in the bed wasn’t moving.
Yancy stood rooted in place in the door opening, feeling sick to his stomach and wanting nothing more than to turn around and leave all this behind him. But the beeping from the machines reminded him why he were here in the first place, and if he were to leave now, he would’ve never forgiven himself.
With a shaky breath, Yancy forced himself to walk towards the bed. The others had already left the room earlier, clearly giving him some privacy. He was thankful of that. If anyone had tried to comfort him, he’s sure he would’ve hit them in the face.
“Hey, ‘Nois.”
Illinois looked too pale compared to his usual self. Sickly even. The oxygen mask over his nose and mouth didn’t exactly help the image. Nor did all the tubes and wires connected to his arms and chest. Oh how Yancy wanted to rip all of those away and cradle him in his arms. But he would rather stab himself than doing that.
He can’t stop staring at Illinois. Looking up and down, trying to figure out where the injuries were and how severe they were. Yancy didn’t remember what Google told him, he were too much in a rush to pay attention on what the android were saying. It was something about an adventure gone wrong.
But that didn’t matter right now, did it? Illinois were bedridden and heavily injured, enough so for Edward to give him a sad look.
At least he were here and not in some jungle or desert by himself.
A beep from the heart monitor broke through Yancy’s thought and with a shaky breath, he slowly relaxed his clenched fists.
With a quick glance around him, he found a chair at the end of the bed. He dragged it to the head of the bed and sat down, immediately grabbing Illinois’ hand, minding the tubes attached to it.
“Listen, I-” he swallowed against a lump in his throat “-I came as fast as I could. Y’know, isn’t exactly easy when yous only have to work with buses.” Yancy chuckled weakly, but it sounded forced even to his ears. With a sigh, he rested his forehead on the bed with closed eyes in an attempt to push back the tears.
He squeezed Illinois’ unmoving hand and his shoulders began to shake, eyes burning as he struggled to not choke on nothing.
“‘Nois, please wake up, please. Don’t leave me.” A shaky breath and then he let out an ugly sob. Fuck, fuck it all.
“Don’t leave me, ‘Nois. I’ll do anythin’ for yous, just wake up!” He couldn’t stop shaking, clenching his right hand on the sheets and carefully squeezing Illinois’ with his left. His nose were already clogging up, tears wetting the fabric beneath him and can’t that fucking machine shut up already ?!
But no. The heart monitor continued to beep, doing its task to show that Illinois were still alive and the oxygen provider still pushed better air into Illinois’ lungs. So Yancy continued to sob, only the sound of the machines joining in.
Yancy weren’t sure how long he’d been in there, but it was long enough for his tears to dry up and a headache working its way into his skull. He didn’t really care about it, letting it come as he refused to leave the chair.
With his head still resting on the bed beside Illinois, Yancy gazed at him with sad eyes.
“We’ve been real stupid, haven’t we? Like, I know yous like me, and I like youses. All this time we could’ve been spendin’ with each other.” A sigh. ”When yous get up, I’ll take yous to a proper date. Promise.”
He glance down at Illinois’ hand, and run a thumb over his knuckles. “I don’t just like yous, y’know.” Despite the situation, he smiles softly. “I love yous. Have for a while.”
The smile disappears as he looks at the unmoving face. “Why do I even keep talkin’ to yous? Yous ain’t hearin’ anythin’ I say.” He closes his eyes and turns his head, resting his forehead against the mattress again.
At this time, the sounds were almost soothing. Illinois were still alive and they indicated that.
A twitch against his left hand made Yancy sit up straight in surprise and a stuttering breath made him stare at Illinois’ face. There were twitches around his eyes and Yancy barely dared to breathe until Illinois’ eyes slowly opened.
Standing up with enough force to make the chair fall backwards, Yancy let out a strangled cry of happiness from his throat and he felt tears beginning to form again. “‘Nois!”
Illinois turned his head and a small and weak, but alive , smile were on his lips. If there hadn’t been an oxygen mask in the way, Yancy would’ve kissed him. Instead he all but dived in and gave him a hug, almost forgetting to be mindful of all the wires and tubes.
“Yous fuckin’ idiot,” Yancy mumbled and didn’t let go until he felt a weak squeeze at his hand. Only then did he straighten up, wiping his tears away with his free hand. “Yous’d everyone worried.” He couldn’t help but to sound happy.
Illinois opened his mouth, but instead of words, he took a ragged breath and started coughing. Worried, Yancy turns to run and fetch Edward.
A squeeze on his hand stopped him. Yancy looked back at Illinois only to see fear in his eyes.
Frowning, he gives Illinois’ hand a comforting squeeze. “I’ll just be fetchin’ Edward. Won’t go further than to the door, ok?”
A rock dropped into his stomach when Illinois weakly shook his head and tugged at his hand. Dread growing inside of him, he stepped even closer to the bed. “‘Nois?”
He’s alarmed when Illinois lifts his other hand and moves to remove the mask, but the arm falls down to his chest before it reaches its target.
Slightly frowning, he moves the hand to a better resting positioning. “‘Nois, yous can’t remove the mask, it helps yous breath.”
“K-kiss me.”
Yancy thought he’d imagined the barely audibly words as coughs wrecked through Illinois body. But the desperate and pleading look Illinois gave him when the coughs finally calmed down convinced Yancy that he did in fact hear it.
“Yous need the mask-”
Another squeeze on his hand stopped him to continue the sentence.
And when Illinois mouthed ‘please’ to him, Yancy gave in.
Ever so carefully, Yancy removed the mask. Illinois were smiling now, his eyes shining both from happiness and unshed tears. He ran a hand through Illinois’ beard and gave him a small smile in return.
And then he leaned down and kissed him.
Their lips moved slowly, savoring the moment as best as they could. It felt good. It felt right.
When they broke the kiss, Yancy rested his forehead against Illinois and smiled a sad smile.
“I love yous. Youse’s goddamn charm are to much for me. I love youses so much,” he says softly and Illinois’ eyes shines with affection. But the underlying sadness puts a twist in Yancy’s stomach.
“I-”
Illinois falls silent, his eyes dim and the sound of a flatline fills the room.