Chapter Text
NATASHA
Status Report?
All objectives met.
What is your current location and condition?
At safe house. Just finished masturbating. It's quite relaxing. Going to sleep until 0300. Hawkeye has first watch.
Widow, while I'm glad you're comfortable with me as your handler, I do not think that was appropriate to relay in a message.
Psych recommended I try masturbating after every mission.
Am I supposed to log your frequency? Nothing was relayed to me.
They didn't tell me if you should. I recommend you try it sometime, Coulson. You and Hawkeye could use it. You two are always too tense after every mission.
Widow!
I don't see why you're so opposed to it. It has documented psychological benefits.
I am not discussing my masturbation habits with my assets.
Upon review of my previous texts I see we have been on different conversations. Psych recommended m e d i t a t i o n. Purge last ten minutes of messages?
Order already submitted and approved.
Widow out.