Chapter Text
[we're going crazy - 12 participants]
7:45 a.m
jeongwhoops: do you guys think i'm manly
jeongwhoops: i think im manly
jeongwhoops: because we went to do like early morning excercise
jeongwhoops: and i was caLLeD a bAbY
jaehmes: jeongwoo ur barely human
jeongwhoops: you're one to talk
jeongwhoops: pokemon looking ass
jaehmes: i-
pokemon: i was summoned?
jeongwhoops: yoshinori hyung do you think im manly?
pokemon: ...
pokemon: what did haruto say this time
jeongwhoops: he said i was too 'baby' to be a man
jeongwhoops: even though we're literally the same age and im taller than like half this group??
naruto: i'm five months older than you
jeongwhoops: NO.
koalakyu: don't worry kid
koalakyu: what's a man to a king anyway?
god: what's a king to a god?
koalakyu: what's a god to John Mulaney?
god: well shit
god: you got me there.
homedobby: quick everyone quote which john mulaney quote defines you best to defeat the power of god yedam!!
god: i-
jihoonie: "eat ass, suck a dick and sell drugs"
grandma: NO.
pokemon: i hate that i literally heard that as i read it
bambi: "i'm very small. And i have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress i'm under"
grandma: this one ill tolerate
grandma: mostly cos it's a big relate
naruto: short people don't deserve rights
grandma: die
bambi: watanabe haruto i know where you live
naruto: never mind i take it back
naruto: also
naruto: "anyone who's met my mom and seen my dick needs to die"
pokemon: haruto
pokemon: kid
pokemon: no one has seen your dick
naruto: well shit
naruto: u got me there
james: watanabe haruto?? a virgin?? more likely than you'd think??
grandma: he's literally 15?????
naruto: ok boomer
grandma: i???
asahoui: okay then anyway
asahoui: "i'll keep all my emotions right here
asahoui: and then one day i'll die."
jeongwoo: that does have big asahi hyung energy
koalakyu: well
koalakyu: "i will pepper in the fact that i am gay"
jihoonie: expected
god: i remember the first time junkyu hyung came out
god: he was all like "i'm gay!"
god: and then jihoon hyung said, "and water is wet"
god: 10/10 experience third best day of my life
koalakyu: thnks fr th mmrs
homedobby: (even if they weren't so great?)
jaehmes: park jihoon: an eternal icon
jaehmes: also: "'you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair"
bambi: who is that aimed at?
jaehmes: well
jaehmes: me
bambi: makes sense
grandma: wait i have one for jungwhan
grandma: "13-year olds are the meanest people in the world"
newborn: thAnKs iM 15
newborn: sOmE mOtHEr yOu ArE
newborn: but also i have one for you
newborn: "to old to be duckling quack quack"
jeongwhoops: personally i think hyunsuk hyung's more of a "i don't look older, i just look worse"
grandma: i knew i should have gotten an abortion when i had the chance
naruto: ok boomer
newborn: ok boomer
jeongwhoops: ok boomer
koalakyu: ok zoomers its time to stop™️
koalakyu: a 10 is talking
naruto: but i didn't say anything?
koalakyu: the goddamn disrespect-
koalakyu: i miss when i was part of the maknae line
grandma: i miss when i wasn't the shortest member
god: you aren't
bambi: hi.
bambi: :')
grandma: i should be celebrating
grandma: but it's mashiho
grandma: so all i wanna do is swaddle him in a hundred blankets and buy him ice cream
god: that's the motherly instinct kicking in
grandma: curse my incredible mothering abilities
grandma: now everybody come down for breakfast
12:07 p.m
pokemon: ok but you do all realise
pokemon: that mashiho could kill you all very easily if he wanted to
naruto: uh huh
naruto: mashiho hyung is the definition of "looks like a cinnamon roll but could kill you."
bambi: :)
jaehmes: wow that's one scary smiley face
god: oh thats fun im going to sort us all now
newborn: huh?
grandma: give him a minute
god: looks like a cinnamon roll but could kill you: mashiho hyung, jihoon hyung, doyoung
god: looks like they could kill you but is a cinnamon roll: haruto, yoshinori hyung
god: looks like a cinnamon roll and is a cinnamon roll: hyunsuk hyung , jaehyuk hyung, me
god: looks like they could kill and could kill you: asahi hyung, jungwhan
god: sinnamon roll: junkyu hyung, jeongwoo
homedobby: personally i think u and me should be switched
god: huh
god: ok yeah sure ur not wrong
god: *looks like a cinnamon roll but they could kill you: mashiho hyung, jihoon hyung, me
god: *looks like a cinnamon roll and is a cinnamon roll: hyunsuk hyung , jaehyuk hyung, doyoung
naruto: coughwhippedcough
homedobby: what
naruto: nOThiNg
grandma: personally i think doyoung should go in the looks like they could kill you but is a cinnamon roll section
god: ok boomer
grandma: i-
grandma: what is this blatant favouritism
jeongwhoops: he's w*****d sir
naruto: coughwhippedcough
god: hajeongwoo i will end you
koalakyu: personally i like how we refer to hajeongwoo as a single entity
bambi: that's cos they are one????
bambi: like every time haruto comes over for weekly j-line night
bambi: he always brings jeongwoo???
bambi: which would be fine
bambi: except they never shut up????
bambi: we just want to watch boku no hero academia in peace???
koalakyu: you watch boku no hero academia every week without me?
pokemon: which part of j-line night didn't you get?
asahoui: also why is that all you took away from that whole rant
asahoui: ur basically their dad keep your kids in check???
koalakyu: wait who's the mom?
newborn: hyunsuk hyung
jeongwhoops: hyunsuk hyung
naruto: hyunsuk hyung
jaehmes: hyunsuk hyung
grandma: me.
koalakyu: ok zoomers
koalakyu: but also mom responsibilities >>>> dad responsibilities soo
grandma: im kicking you out of the house
grandma: or moving dorms
grandma: jihoons one is so much more relaxed
jihoonie: yea junkyu my boy you gotta fulfil ur parental duties
jihoonie: me and mashi do an a+ job look how well behaved our kids are
bambi: no offense but you're a terrible parental partner.
homedobby: oof he cut out the no offense
asahoui: tfw ur siblings and u are more mature than ur actual ass dad
newborn: all in all hyunsuk hyung is mom and jihoon hyung is dad
newborn: mashiho hyung and junkyu hyung are our aunt and uncle
newborn: yoshinori hyung and asahi hyung are our cool foreign cousins or something
newborn: and jaehyuk hyung's that weird guy who lives next door
jaehmes: i'll take it!
naruto: i won't
naruto: yoshinori hyung is my dad
homedobby: (he's your dad!)
jeongwhoops: (boogie woogie woogie!)
newborn: well thats good because if you and jeongwoo were related it'd be weird
naruto: what why?
jeongwhoops: ????
newborn: *** **** *** ******???
naruto: excuse me-
jeongwhoops: what?
god: wow
god: jungwhan really just exposed hajeongwoo huh
homedobby: wAIt you understood that?
god: well yeah
homedobby: god yedam once again proves himself as superior
homedobby: yall could never.
grandma: we get it youre ** ****
jihoonie: hey babe not everyone can be as sorted and functional as we are
grandma: i love you
jihoonie: i love you
jeonwhoops: ok boomers
homedobby: literally disgusting
homedobby: god yedam i think im ready to ascend now
koalakyu: jihoon hyung what are these lies about being functional
koalakyu: yesterday u crashed into our apartment at 2 in the morning and wouldn't leave until Hyunsuk hyung cuddled you
koalakyu: you can't deny it i have several eye witnesses
grandma: i-
jihoonie: look i was very tired
jihoonie: and high off of practicing till i literally could not feel my face
jihoonie: all i wanted was some love and affection from my boyfriend
jihoonie: and instead i get a fucking koala exposing me?
jihoonie: chivalry is dead
jaehmes: w0w jihoon hyung snapped
asahoui: why is jaehyuk only here for running commentary?
god: well
god: after that rant
god: if anyone else is looking to ascend with doyoung
god: they are more than welcome to contact i
god: bang yedam
jeongwhoops: our lord and saviour!!!!
naruto: wait how many of us are actually eligible for heaven
god: well definitely not you 2
naruto: fair
jeongwhoops: I CALLED YOU OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR
god: i think all in all it's the japan line - haruto + doyoung hyunsukie hyung and i
god: the rest of you can go to hell
koalakyu: i knew betraying our lord and saviour jesus chirst for god bang yedam would be a problem in the afterlife
jaehmes: ...
jaehmes: well
jaehmes: i think emily dickinson's a lesiban
jeongwhoops: ok
naruto: (boomer?)
asahoui: ...
asahoui: partial credit
jaehmes: thanks i needed that
asahoui: no problem :)
jaehmes: <3 <3 <3
jihoonie: huh
jihoonie: asahi and jaehyuk? a superior pairing? more likely than you think
koalakyu: Isn't that a little bit
koalakyu: gAy?
jihoonie: your whole existence is the definition of gAy
koalakyu: you got me there
homedobby: wow this chat took a turn for the worst
grandma: of course it did
grandma: our bosses are all dicks and they know it
grandma: the maknae line eat all day
grandma: asahi is just there to be honest.
grandma: Junkyu is molesting his own reflection. AGAIN.
grandma: same with Haruto
grandma: and jaehyuk
grandma: all in all this group is a mess
jaehmes: ...
jaehmes: wow mom snapped
jihoonie: that was kind of hot not gonna lie
bambi: there are children on this chat mind your motherfucking tongue
god: the irony
koalakyu: is it ironic because he used the fuck word
koalakyu: or because mashiho himself is an actual baby
god: originally it was just the first one but now that you mention it
bambi: i could kill both of you in my sleep
koalakyu: adorable
god: im god you can't kill me
bambi: ...
bambi: fine
bambi: junkyu hyung i could kill you in my sleep
koalakyu: still adorable
newborn: wow i knew junkyu hyung was fucking gAY
newborn: i just didn't know he was this fucking gAY
koalakyu: don't use the fuck word ull upset mashi
jaehmes: jungwhan baby we're all fukcing gay
newborn: personally i think im too young to have figured out my wholeass sexuality just yet
grandma: valid, very, very, valid
grandma: the maknae?? literally 14??? wiser than all of you???
grandma: more likely than you think
newborn: im fifteen u fkn wench
grandma: ...
grandma: i fucking hate it here
9:45 p.m
god: ik im like supposed to be god
god: but how is mashiho hyung a real person?
koalakyu: im confused but also big relate
god: no you don't get it
god: like we went to play basketball together
god: and yoshi hyung said mashiho hyung was good at basketball
god: but i like assumed he meant like "good for a short person"
jeongwhoops: you say that like you're hella tall or sum??
god: shut up
god: anyway so we reach the court and we start playing okay
god: i shoot the first basket
god: but then mashiho hyung gets the ball and me and doyoung just don't ever get it back
naruto: mashiho hyung? the only short person i respect?
naruto: more likely than you think.
homedobby: mashiho just is That Bitch™️ huh?
bambi: that's That Bitch™️ hyung to you
newborn: we stan sick bitches like mashiho hyung
newborn: a whole icon
koalakyu: im just a little bit weak
jihoonie: *very
jihoonie: ur very weak
koalakyu: ...
koalakyu: pc me to join my mashiho fanclub applications open
bambi: thats so cute omg
bambi: i love you hyung!
koalakyu: asdgiflauwoffqpo
koalakyu: i mean
koalakyu: i love you too!
god: okay then
god: but also like halfway through the game after like all that madness
god: his tiny arms shot a wholeass three pointer???
god: like
god: how is this real life???
jeongwhoops: ...
jeongwhoops: is this the real life?
naruto: is this a fantasy?
newborn: caught in a landslide
koalakyu: no escape from reality!!!!
god: open your eyessss
jaehmes: look up to the skies and seeeeeeeeeeeee
asahoui: im just a poor boy
grandma: i need no sympathyy
jihoonie: because im easy come easy go little high little low
bambi: any way the wind blows
pokemon: doesn't really matter
homedobby: to meeeeeeeeeeeee
jeongwhoops: to
jeongwhoops: meee
jihoonie: wow
jihoonie: that was-
jihoonie: that was beautiful
homedobby: uh guys
homedobby: i think jihoon hyung's crying