Work Text:
There was a crash. Sollux put down his wrench and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Zahhak," it wasn't a shout. It wasn't even a question.
The rest of the deck crew nodded. No one even bothered yelling the confirmation any more. Sollux almost wished that it was still a question. He looked at the wrench in his hand, looked at the remains of a turbine on his bench, looked at the five sets of wings over by the re-surfacers where the dents were being smoothed over with Bondo, looked at the utter mess of the helper droid, thought of the number 2002, because it was cute and not at all calming, and turned in the direction of the crash.
Zahhak stood amid the crystalline core of a PeacefulSolutionator that had to be mounted on the barrel of the HelpfulCuller prototype fighter the team was supposed to be assembling. That wasn't so bad, then. The core was still intact. Admittedly, since Sollux had handed the project off to Zahhak with instructions to get the chasis of the railgun fully on over the work that Zahhak himself had spent days assembling with deadly care, seeing all of the connections and more than half of the microchips spread all over the floor with the covering plates smashing them, and even the porcelain insulation tiles—no! He wasn't going to concentrate on this. This was Her Imperial Consideration's request, they were going to get the prototype finished on time. Sollux was going to be understanding.
Five sweeps ago, he would have stripped Zahhak's skin from those terrifyingly large muscles with the sharp edge of his tongue. Then maybe screamed at everyone and the universe just for good measure, then possibly apologized in a way meant to impress upon everyone how much Zahhak had 1. screwed up, 2. was a screw up, and 3. how much work Sollux would personally have to go to to fix all the screw up falling from the sky in ugly sweaty mistakes. Finally, he would have ensured Zahhak never touched anything that was supposed to be a Captor project ever again. However, this was not five sweeps ago, Zahhak was on his team, and Her Imperious Consideration had STRONG feelings about teamwork.
Oh shit no. He was even thinking in capitals. That was too many days alone with Zahhak working patiently to repair whatever terrible shit the idiot had broken this time. Not that Sollux particularly objected to coffee and the light of the magenta gas giant poking in through the blinds on the west facing windows as it set. There was something cool about seeing the stars fade into the purple gray sky of twilight, even if you had to be accompanied by something as malodorous as Zahhak. At least there was always coffee. Moonsrise caught from the wrong end was still charming in its way, all magenta and and soft like two blushing jellyfish.
Sollux would admit that at his core there was room in his soul for a bit of romance about the sky. He decided to think, very positively, about stars while facing Zahhak across the hangar bay floor, in the vain hope that some of the very positive thoughts would rub off on the asshole. Later on he would reflect upon the fact that this was a mistake as whenever Sollux thought about something positively, he had to think about something else in equal amounts of negative in order to even the scale.
"All riight. Piick up that meth," Sollux grimaced. Anyone who made him fight with his words and his teeth was the worst. Zahhak's one redeeming feature was the hard consonant sounds of his last name. It almost made up for his for shit Trollian handle, and his e-mail address, which he had clearly never gotten around to changing since he was six sweeps old, and the horror of his first name. Equius. Equiiuth. It sounded stupid. It made Sollux sound stupid trying to say it. EQ was better, but it didn't have the nice double 'h' sound, and besides, no way was Sollux going to pretend familiarity with the colossal casteist who still clung to the old order of their childhood. "Zahhak, report to me at the end of the niight, and we'll thee where we are iin getting the repaiirth done on thchedule."
Schedule. Blech.
As expected, the night was brightening into day when Zahhak came to see him, railgun almost fully, not not quite rebuilt. Sollux popped up from programming the nav system, a task he found fun and generally relaxing—the reason he had saved it until the end of the night when he knew he was going to have to go into overtime—looked around at the rest of the team eying the clock with unspoken desperation, and sighed expressively. "Everyone who'th not a klutzy moron who can't control themselveth getth two go hivewardth. Zahhak, unpaiid overtiime untiil you get that gun mounted. Clock iit iin. II'll make the coffee."
He puttered while Zahhak continued to refit the gun chasis. The coffee Sollux made always tasted like burned crap, which was the way he liked it. He knew it made Zahhak reach for the milk, which was one of the reasons Sullux had started making sure that the milk containers were empty at the end of the night. Some people needed to suffer for screwing up as often as Zahhak.
"Supervisor," the voice shattered the quiet of an abandoned hangar bay as Sollux finished emptying the last thumblength of milk down the drain. "You are supposed to be supervising."
"II am. The coffee maker needth two be watched conthtantly."
Silence followed from Zahhak's work station, possibly as he processed the syllables. "Are you saying that I am of less import than your daily brew of sludge?"
"The brew of thludge maketh me feel better, helpth me conthentrate on my actual job, and keepth me company iin the late hourth of the afternoon. Thiixty-thiix perthent iithn't good enough for me, Zahhak."
"I give you 100%!"
"And then you break iit just liike your creepy squared off teeth! IIf II got two hundred, you miight actually be worth thomethiing."
There, that ought to shut him up for the night.
Sollux poured himself a cup, and ambled back to his computer. He smirked to himself as Zahhak stomped past on his way to the break room, only to cry out something about the milk. Sollux noted, however, that he returned holding a steaming mug with a miniature muscle beast on the side picking flowers—someone's wriggling day gift donated to the breakroom cabinets as being too embarrassing to throw away, no doubt. Those mugs seemed to have a habit of turning up mysteriously in cabinets after a while, and no one could remember who put them there.
Perhaps it was some sort of transitive property of communal cabinetry. Sollux's hive block had usually about seven of those mugs floating around the common areas at any given time, despite the number Sollux had disposed of himself in the breakroom cabinets whenever Zahhak broke another one.
On his way past, Zahhak glared behind his cracked welding visor. "Your job description is to supervise me."
"My job dethcriipthiion, jackath—"
"You are not to use crude—"
Sollux spoke right over the objection. He was usually did that anyway, and EQ squirmed in such horrified indignation whenever it happened that it was doubly amusing, "—iis two dethiign and program thiith liight fiighter plane two functiion iin both low orbiit and planetary atmothphere. Thuperviithiing you taketh tiime away from the important thiingth. Partiicularly when II know you can do iit on your own!"
Zahhak floundered. Sollux felt pleased that he had put him in a spot where he would either have to claim incompetence, or thank Sollux for the backhanded compliment. Either way, he would have to leave Sollux alone.
Of course, Zahhak wouldn't be the wild aggravation in Sollux's vertebrate husk that he was if he hadn't figured out ways to both have his cake and eat it, two.
"You can write the program just as well on your flat screen handheld device as on your computer, even if that makes ex-ecution something of a pain. I have observed you programing on the grav train before. Thus, I STRONGLY demand your presence as I am doing the last of the fittings before the mounting."
Sollux sighed in disgust, and began transferring the current file. However, he wasn't about to give in without some sort of fight. Even if Zahhak could clearly see him complying. "Why?"
"Because I DEMAND that you do your job! It is ex-cruciating to place myself in a servile position to you when you do not even care! You mock and humiliate me before our co-workers, and when we are alone you find ways to make my life a misery in pathetic attempts to prove your power over me, but you never engage in the active management of me that Her Imperious Consideration requ-ired of you when she assigned me to your team! We are working for the good of the empire, and you, you with your mustard blood, and psionic powers should be by rights integrated into this ship AS the navigation system, rather than programming it, yet I am to be subservient to someone barely better than gutter trash because the new order DEMANDS it, and if I bow my head you MUST do your duties as well!"
Zahhak was really working himself into a sweat. The emphatic hesitation in his voice whenever an 'x' sound was used had begun transferring to other parts of the alphabet—Sollux imagined EQ trying to introduce himself in this state and found Equ-ius to be slightly amusing. But Sollux was tired of Zahhak's shit. "Fuck off. IIf that raiilgun iithn't mounted twoday, you'll be gettiing thuperviithion from the wathte diithpothal crew. And liikiing iit."
"Stop asserting your power over me using disgusting language," Zahhak countered.
Sollux reached up, and pulled Zahhak to eye level by the nose. It shouldn't have been so easy. Of course, Sollux had finally moulted into a tall, sharp, knife-y looking troll, which meant that walking half story brick pile that called itself Equius Zahhak didn't have far down to go, but Sollux's muscles stood out like peas on pipe cleaners when he tried to lift something heavier than two computer towers physically. He should have found the move impossible without some psychic assistance bearing down on the thick neck.
Instead, Zahhak relaxed into the grip, despite the down turned mouth and bristling rage emanating from his skin. He might hate it, but he was going to let it happen. Shit, EQ had always been weird, and why the hell was that making Sollux feel really really pleased?
"II'm going two thay whatever II want two, EQ," he hissed, spittle flying out between his terrible doubled fangs, and flecking the slightly glistening cheeks. "II am your equal. That meanth II can thay what II want. But II'm going two tell you thepethifically two fuck off becauthe II am your bothth. Get iit?" Sollux's fingers slipped on the damp skin, and he flung Equius' face away. Casually he wiped the remaining sweat from his fingers on his acid stained work pants.
Holy shit. Under Zahhak's coveralls something was definitely moving around in interest. If the speech hadn't excited the joker, it definitely was the dismissal. Zahhak won the 'weird creepy reactions to everything' award hands down. The only problem was that Sollux had to pretend that he also wasn't apparently competing for said award.
He just glanced down, and tried to make his voice the most withering that he could. "Theriiouthly. You untheathed? Get back two work and try two be profethiional."
"I-I," Equius looked horrified in the same squirmy way he did when Sollux talked over him. Then his mouth firmed up and his eyebrows went down. "You will do your job, then?"
"Thuperviithing you and your fiirtht moult bulge?" Sollux snickered, and saw the blush come through.
"Do not be lood."
"You popped a wriggly, EQ. And then athked me two watch. But yeah. Thure. Thiign me up. You wiill get your work done, you thack of cathteiitht thiit, even iif we're here 'tiil moonthriithe."
Shame was clearly flooding EQ's system as he turned to frog march back to his bench. "I find you en-tirely disgusting and an offense to the order of things, you realize."
"Thays the kiinky water puriifiicathiion deviice two the admiittedly kiinky water puriifiicathiion deviice."
Equius ignored the jab and the minor confession. "You are rude, lood, and crude in your language. You have no respect for any work you did not personally do yourself, despite your team giving you 100%, and it is a constant shame to the Empire that one of the most brilliant minds in the fleet refuses to also be the brilliant and ex-quisite person that he could be."
Well. That was, and odd thing to say. Sollux crossed his arms and leaned on the work bench. "What'th thiith about?"
"This is me making my position 100% clear. You infuriate me. You drive me to depths of distraction trying to perfect the mechanisms of your designs, despite knowing that you will either make me re-do it, or simply take over, the way you do for everyone else on the team. I suspect the pressure of trying to live up to your impossible standard is contributing to the number of accidents,” Equius took a shuddering breath, and delicately removed the welding visor entirely.
Sollux would have advised against it. The chances that it was going to be broken were high, but surprisingly Equius' hands managed to set it on the wooden bench without denting anything. The yellow of his eyeballs peered out of puffy blue hollows around his eyes to bore into Sollux with grim intensity. Sollux just raised a bushy eyebrow as though to say 'well, what's your point, other than the fact you're a gross mess with the coordination of a musclebeast on ice skates?'
"I am, however, a peerless builder and craftsman,” Equius hissed. “I demand that it be acknowledged. By you. I absolootly despise you and wish, therefore, desperately for your acceptance of my work! I may not be the kind of genius that you are, but you must see what I build for being the pinnacle of perfection. A perfection that I am aiming for in sheer spite of you. No one else in the entire Empire burns with such a driving need to show you up."
This sweaty excrescence was trying to give Sollux a speech on pure overwhelming kismessitude in the highest of intellectual sense while his bulge was out like a newly moulted wriggler and getting more worked up with every jeer Sollux sent his way. He was probably getting off just on the fact that his body was somewhat restrained by that coverall, and hopefully a set of boxers. Good sweaty grief.
"True ath that all may be," Sollux said, pointing firmly at the workbench, "you aren't going to thow me anythiing iif you don't get workiing! IIf you want my unwiilliing praiithe, you'd better earn iit,” he paused, and then grinned with what he knew would be read as predatory intent. “Iif the gun getth mounted on schedule, II miight even help you on the next project—gettiing that bulge properly mounted ath well."
He smirked as Equius went blue in the face, and very stiff-leggedly ducked behind the work bench. Black crushes could be really entertaining, particularly when there were so many buttons to press. Sollux wondered if Equius was actually serious, or if he'd give up the way so many had done when they realized they could never compete with the hate Sollux had stored up for himself. Considering the number of hours they had spent together greeting the wrong end of moonsrise, Sollux suspected there might be a lot of determination for lost causes hiding under the arrogant demanding exterior. He might even enjoy this. It gave him a reason to force Equius to drink his coffee and make the asshole like it despite himself.