Chapter Text
Castiel was in love. He was sure of it. Her name was Hannah. She had brown hair with bangs and always smelled like freshly clean clothes. He loved that about her. They lived together in a small house in town. It was a soft yellow color. Cas had painted it. Hannah planted a garden outside. It was a perfect life they lived together.
Cas owned and worked at a small, local bakery. Hannah worked in an office. She liked the order to it. Cas liked the smell of fresh baked goods. They worked where they wanted to and enjoyed it. At the bakery, Cas had the help of one of his brothers, Gabriel. Technically, it was more of Cas working and Gabriel flirting with customers. But help was help. Castiel's friend, Sam Winchester, would occasionally stop by. Gabe liked flirting with Sam. Sam was a tough one to crack and Gabriel loved a good challenge. Cas would give Sam his usual order, a loaf of everything bread, and roll his eyes as he heard Gabriel.
"C'mon Samantha. One date would never hurt. I'll make the whole thing worth it," Gabe would say with a wink. Sam would usually laugh, shake his head and then walk out the door.
"I'll see you later Cas," Sam would call out. He'd rarely acknowledge Gabriel. Sometimes, Sam would just visit Cas at his home. Hannah would either be at work or in her office, working. She was very fixated on her work life. She liked being able to get an assignment and finish it. Cas thought it was nice.
"Castiel!" Hannah called. Cas was in the kitchen, organizing some pots when he heard Hannah. "It's Sam!" Hannah turned to Sam, who was already inside. "Give him a moment. He was working in the kitchen." Cas got to the door just as Hannah was leaving for her office again. They didn't say anything to each other but Hannah was sure to smile at Cas.
"Hey Cas," Sam breathed out as he slipped off his coat. It was a cold winter day and the house was kept warm. It hadn't begun to snow yet but Cas was sure it was coming.
"What brings you here Sam?" Cas questioned, leading Sam to the kitchen. Sam sat down on a stool at the counters as Cas went back to organizing.
"You remember my brother right? Or, at least remember me talking about him?" Sam talked about his brother from time to time. Dean was his name. Sam said he traveled around the country, working small jobs. Last time Sam mentioned him, Dean was working in Oregon. Cas knew that Dean liked cars, whiskey, and pie. Sam would always manage to slip in all three when he talked about Dean. It always amazed Cas.
"Yes," Cas replied.
"He's coming to town for a while. He says he's going to find a small place here and work in an auto shop. You know how he likes cars." That was one. Cas had always wanted to meet Dean. By the way Sam talked about him sometimes, anyone would think he was famous or something. "Maybe I can get a pie from your shop for him. And you'll be able to meet him. We could get together after he settles in and get a bottle of whiskey. On me."
"Okay. When I'm free."
"You could bring Hannah along."
"Oh it's fine. Hannah isn't fond of drinking. She'd much rather stay at home and work. I'll tell her you offered, Sam."
"Alright. Well, I just stopped by to tell you that Dean was coming. I think I'll head out."
"Are you coming to the bakery tomorrow?"
"Will Gabriel be there?"
"Of course."
"Then I might make up an excuse." Sam and Cas both shared a laugh as Cas led Sam to the door. Sam pulled on his coat and headed out. Cas sighed as he closed the door. He almost bumped into Hannah walking back to the kitchen to finish.
"Sorry."
"It's okay." Hannah sat on a stool, watching Cas. She didn't say anything, just watched. Cas felt cold even though the house was so warm. It was love, right? "I'm going on a trip," Hannah announced.
"To where? And when?"
"It's a business trip to Washington. It's in a few days." Cas was silent for a moment. The only noise were the pots hitting each other where Cas put them.
"Alright," he eventually said, breaking the silence. Both of them could tell something was wrong but didn't want to mention it. They were comfortable with how they lived.
"I love you," Hannah said as she left the kitchen. That was how they said I love you. One of them would say it and hoped the other one said it back. This time Cas didn't say it back. He just stopped organizing the pots and sat down at the small dining table they had. Cas stared ahead for a few seconds before butting his face into both hands, rubbing his eyes with the tips of his fingers. He knew what was wrong but didn't want to admit it. He knew he didn't actually love Hannah. He knew he was making a mistake. He just didn't want to admit it. He was scared of being left alone and having to find the right person without someone to come home to when he failed.
He kept his head in his hands for a few more minutes before deciding to leave. He didn't tell Hannah that he had left. Cas just grabbed his coat and was out the door. He drove to the bakery. Today was a closed day but sometimes Cas would go to the bakery on the off days just to be alone. He would sit in the back and take in the smell of fresh dough and flour and then go back home and be fine. Cas walked in through the back and sat on a chair near the counter. It was covered in flour and it got onto to jacket Cas was wearing. Hannah gave him the jacket. He thanked her when she gave it to him. He felt nothing when he wore it.
Cas leaned back, breathing in as deep as he could. That usually helped him with whatever problem he had. But today it just wasn't. He still felt horrible and empty. He couldn't understand it. He must've been doing something wrong so he took a few more deep breaths. It still didn't help. Cas grew worried. He left the bakery and drove home. It was already late. Hannah was eating at the dining table when he got back home. She set a plate with food on it across from her where Cas always sat.
"Where were you?" She asked, putting a fork to her mouth.
"The bakery." Hannah nodded. "Sam's brother is coming" Cas mentioned as he sat down.
"Really?"
"Yes. Sam invited you to celebrate his arrival." Hannah's expression didn't differ. "I told him that you didn't like to drink so you wouldn't like it."
"That was probably for the best. I might be gone on the trip when he first comes here." Cas nodded. That was the last either of them spoke or made an interaction of them for the rest of the dinner. Cas washed the dishes as Hannah got ready for bed. She was already asleep by the time Cas was finally ready to go to sleep. He slipped in under the covers beside her. She was on her side and Cas was lying flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He didn't know what to do. He was awake the entire night thinking.