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Johnny has just been standing by the lamp beside the end of the short hallway that connected the front door to the living room. He has been stock still for almost five full minutes, still shouldering his tripod and sling bag on a shoulder each, with a mesh bag of peaches from the fruit seller ahjumma across the street dangling from his elbow.
There is someone who is stopping him from stepping further into the apartment.
There, in the space in front of the TV where a low coffee table used to be, on top of a newly purchased and laundered fluffy beige carpet and surrounded by some of Johnny’s plushies, is a sleeping Donghyuck.
The toddler is halfway tangled in a baby blanket with tiny, smiling yellow sunflowers on it. Johnny remembers unpacking it from a medium-sized box full of blankets just the day before. The sunflower-patterned one was on the top of the pile and looked a little more frayed and faded compared to the rest. It is now clenched tightly in Donghyuck’s tiny fist and wrapped around one of his sprawled legs. Judging from the state of his clothes (riding up to his ribs and showing his tiny belly button), his hair, and Johnny’s plushies, it seems like Donghyuck has moved a lot in his sleep and kicked apart his stuffed toy barrier.
Before Johnny can spend another ten minutes standing and dumbly staring at a tiny person sleeping, Jaehyun emerges from the bathroom with his bangs and face wet, a sign that he had just washed his face. As soon as he notices Johnny, a pleased smile blooms on his face. Johnny watches with a smile of his own as Jaehyun wipes his face with the collar of his t-shirt as he is approaching him.
Jaehyun frees Johnny’s hand from the peaches and manages to give him a proper hug around the tripod case. Jaehyun, who smells like fabric softener and faintly of baby powder, turns Johnny’s belly into a warm, wiggly mush.
“You’re back early?” Jaehyun asks in a low volume, pulling away a little to swipe Johnny’s bangs out of his face and then kissing Johnny’s smile with his own. “I missed you.”
“Missed you, too. I am finally done with that project for the ministry,” Johnny answers with a relieved sigh.
They spend a moment just basking in each other's presence, Johnny letting the homesickness permeate out of his system as Jaehyun just looks at him with a content smile. Absolutely smitten by the sight of Jaehyun’s dimples, Johnny tries to lean down to kiss them, but his enthusiasm causes his tripod case to almost smack Jaehyun in the face. Jaehyun muffles his laughter in Johnny’s neck and kisses Johnny’s pout instead. They end up getting lost in their own world for a bit.
“Will you change and then watch Hyuck while I start preparing lunch, please?” Jaehyun asks once they pull apart, and Johnny can see the imploring look in his eyes, hear the slight hesitation in his voice. “I’m only making fried rice, today. It won’t take long at all.”
“Of course, Jaehyun-ah,” Johnny rushes to answer.
It has always been hard to refuse Jaehyun anything, especially because Jaehyun knows this and never uses it against Johnny. Jaehyun only uses that look for things that really matter (like when he proposed to Johnny).
Only for things that really matter, like Donghyuck.
Especially because Donghyuck comes into their life through a series of unfortunate and unexpected events and Jaehyun knows that Johnny is still trying to figure things out on his end.
“Great!” at Johnny’s positive response, Jaehyun’s smile becomes wider, nose scrunching, and Johnny hugs him back tightly before finally moving to their room to put down his things. He changes into a soft, oversized hoodie and a pair of soft sweatpants. Soft and comfy clothes were a staple in this household.
Pushing back his bangs out of his face, Johnny looks at himself in the mirror, attached to the inside of the wardrobe door and said out loud to himself, “You can do it, John Jun Suh!”
Johnny exits their bedroom with a hardcover English copy of Wuthering Heights that Ten gave to him after his recent business trip to America. He figures reading a book is the safest way to pass time while keeping an eye on a sleeping child. Johnny is also trying to cut back on the time he spends on his phone, aiming for a digital detox for the rest of his day.
Successfully reaching the living room without having made too much noise, Johnny steps over the back of the sofa to slowly settle on the cushions. Johnny’s head snaps up when he catches Donghyuck moving and mumbling in his sleep as the sofa creaks. Johnny is stuck in a crouching position until Donghyuck rolls over and seems to settle.
Johnny gets through two pages of nervous reading before Jaehyun lightly taps his shoulder, kneeling behind him and resting his chin on his folded arms on the back of the sofa. Johnny puts down his book to give Jaehyun his full attention.
“I just realized we don’t have any cooking oil and samgyeopsal left,” Jaehyun whispers, absently plucking a lint off Johnny's shoulder, “and Donghyuck loves samgyeopsal. I’ll step out for a bit, okay?”
What Johnny wanted was to say no, because he fears the thought of being left alone with Donghyuck. What if he wakes up? What if he wakes up and starts crying? What if he starts crying and doesn't stop?
Johnny still remembers vividly the way Donghyuck was screaming just three days prior, red-faced and stubborn, asking for his mom and dad. Donghyuck had weakly kicked Jaehyun who was trying to hold him, both still in their mourning clothes.
Johnny remembers being frozen on his feet, witnessing an inconsolable tiny child tiring himself out from crying and trembling with the need to be in his mother’s arms. Donghyuck finally let his uncle hold and rock him to sleep once he’d done all the screaming he could, and he’s only let Jaehyun hold him ever since.
Johnny hasn’t had the chance to properly introduce himself to Donghyuck and help the child get used to his presence.
Immediately after the funeral Johnny was needed at the agency for a project. He had to catch up on things that he had to put on hold while helping Jaehyun and some of his relatives, with the aftermath of the passing of Donghyuck’s parents.
Johnny has had to stay overnight at his office and come home only for fresh clothes, and in the meantime he has only been able to see glimpses of Donghyuck in Jaehyun’s arms or see him watching cartoons with Jaehyun’s cousin, Minhyuk, for the past two days.
If Jaehyun leaves, this is going to be the first time Johnny is all alone with Donghyuck, and Johnny doesn’t think that it’s a good idea. Johnny has never had the chance to properly meet Donghyuck until recently. Johnny doesn’t hate Donghyuck—Johnny loves kids—Johnny is just very afraid that Donghyuck will hate him.
Johnny is pulled out of his own thoughts when Jaehyun pokes his cheek, looking into his eyes questioningly. Johnny swallows, but it's hard for him to find the right words. Jaehyun smiles knowingly when Johnny meets his eyes. “You’re going to be fine. Hyuck hasn’t napped for long. I’ll be quick. Okay?”
"What if he wakes up?" Johnny rushes to ask.
"Then you sit in front of him and talk to him."
"What if he starts crying?"
"Make funny faces! You're great at that."
"What if it doesn't work? What if he needs his diaper changed? What if–"
Jaehyun stops his rambling with a finger on his lips. Johnny takes a deep breath and exhales slowly.
"Hyuck might act aloof like he doesn't want to be held, but really, that's what he likes and needs the most these days. Just hold him, Johnny. Be confident. When Hyuck feels safe, he won't cry at all."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. And don't leave him alone. I think he's really scared of being alone." Jaehyun says, eyes sad as he looks at the sleeping child.
"You're bringing your phone with you, right?" Johnny asks, clinging to Jaehyun's hand as the younger man gets up to his feet.
Jaehyun nods. "I'm just one call away, hyung." he assures, squeezing Johnny's hand.
“Be careful,” Johnny says to him, thinking about the few streets Jaehyun has to cross to get to the nearest store. He gets another nod and loving poke to the cheek.
With the barely audible click of their front door and the tiny chime the automatic lock makes, Johnny is finally alone with Donghyuck. Johnny takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, willing his body to relax. He leans back on the sofa and opens the dog-eared page of his novel. He proceeds to read while stealing glances at Hyuck, but the baby keeps sleeping soundly.
Minutes pass. Johnny is soon completely immersed in the very elaborate dialogues between the characters and marveling at every choice of words intended for maximum sarcasm.
Finally able to focus, Johnny lays his head down on a pillow just as his ears pick up the sound of rustling fabric. He fixes the perch of his glasses on his nose and slowly gets up into a sitting position, eyes wide as saucers as he spies Donghyuck suddenly rolling around the carpet.
After turning this way and that, Donghyuck finally turns over to his stomach. He lets out a sleepy sigh, then his legs fold one by one under his tummy, lifting his little bum up with his face smushed into his blanket. The tiny boy stretches his arms, almost like a cat would, and Johnny’s heart becomes ticklish when he catches sight of Donghyuck’s little fists. Then the boy pushes himself up, ending up in a slouchy seiza, and yawns as mightily as a toddler can yawn.
Johnny is fascinated by his scrunched up nose. Jaehyun does that, too. Perhaps Johnny is weak to noses scrunching cutely.
The afternoon sun that filters in from the apartment’s glass balcony doors bathes the living room in a soft glow and makes the strands of hair that stands up from Donghyuck’s curly head seem transparent.
Johnny witnesses his slow waking; Donghyuck just sits there with his eyes closed long enough that Johnny thinks he’s fallen asleep again. But the boy straightens up and blinks his eyes open, a pout forming on his lips. It doesn’t really register in Johnny’s mind that what he lowkey fears is happening until Donghyuck turns to look at him straight in the eyes.
Oh. He woke up, Johnny’s mind helpfully supplies. Oh my god. Hyuck woke up.
Johnny slowly closes his book and sets it aside on the sofa. He schools his wide-eyed expression into what he hopes is a friendly, neutral one. Donghyuck just blinks. His clear doe eyes reminds Johnny of a tiny deer species he can't recall the name of. So Johnny just blinks back, sitting up very, very slowly because sudden movements are bad right? He also might look too big and intimidating sitting on the sofa, so he scoots forward and slides down to sit on the floor. It’s important being eye-level with a child, right? Right?
Hyuck tilts his head, eyes moving up and down Johnny’s figure slowly. Johnny has never felt so thoroughly examined before, not even during job interviews. He’s sure that he’s on the brink of breaking an actual sweat. He’s never wanted to gain someone’s approval this badly before!
Please don’t hate me, please don’t hate me, Johnny chants in his head.
Hyuck shifts on his wobbly little knees to face Johnny, and he loses his balance in the process, falling on his bum in a whump!
Johnny gasps. And waits. Hyuck seems a little taken aback by his less than smooth landing. Johnny waits for teary eyes and possibly the end of the world.
They do not come.
Instead, Hyuck goes back to staring into Johnny's soul. Johnny exhales slowly. He is definitely sweating a little right now. He straightens his posture and clears his throat subtly, but then immediately goes back to slouching. Hopefully his hoodie can create the illusion that he is small and fluffy and therefore appealing to Hyuck's eyes.
"What are you guys doing?"
Johnny's head whips to the source of the voice so quickly that he feels a crick forming in his neck. He has been so deeply engaged in a staring contest with the two-year-old that he didn't realize Jaehyun got back and was looking at them back and forth with a smile, soundless chuckles shaking his shoulders.
"Jaehyun," Johnny and Hyuck calls out at the same time, with different ranges of emotions in their inflections. The unexpected coincidence makes Johnny turn his head to look at Hyuck, eyes locking with the baby again.
Johnny can hear Jaehyun outright laughing at them, shaking his head fondly as he quickly walked to the kitchen to put his purchases on the counter. Johnny can hear the rustle of fabric as the younger man takes off his jacket and the trickle of water as he washes his hands before going back to the living room to observe his and Hyuck's second stare down.
Hyuck breaks eye contact first as soon as Jaehyun is kneeling on the carpet, not too close to the toddler but not too far from Johnny either. Johnny observes his every move; Jaehyun has a combo of an irresistible dimpled smile and a relaxed body language.
"Hi, Hyuckie. Did you sleep well?" Jaehyun asks in a soft tone, eyes glued to the baby he is addressing.
Hyuck nods, stealing glances at Johnny, almost as if he is being cautious about the presence of an unknown entity. Johnny tries not to let his heart crumble from the weight of Hyuck's distrust.
His feelings must have been reflected on his face because Jaehyun reaches out and squeezes his hand. "Hey, it's going to be fine. Baby steps, alright?"
Johnny smiles in gratitude at the reassurance. But then a chuckle bubbles up his chest after realizing what Jaehyun just did. "Really, baby puns now?"
Jaehyun looks proud of his own joke. He has that cheeky smile reserved for when his actions manage to pull the intended reactions out of Johnny. Jaehyun lets go of his hand to stretch both arms towards Hyuck, palms up. "Do you wanna give me a hug, Hyuck? I've missed you."
Johnny watches with bated breath as he waits for Hyuck to make his decision. Honestly, Johnny has no idea how the toddler might respond to that. How will Jaehyun deal with rejection? How will Jaehyun deal with it if Hyuck actually hugged him?
The answer to his questions unravels in front of his eyes as Hyuck angles his body towards Jaehyun. He pushes himself up, this time properly putting his feet under himself. Oh my God, he's toddling, Johnny's mind helpfully supplies. He is absolutely mesmerized by the sight of Hyuck crossing the small distance to reach Jaehyun with his tiny little socked feet.
The best part is how Hyuck just throws himself into Jaehyun's waiting arms, burying his face in the soft fabric of the man's t-shirt. Johnny might as well just combust .
"Hello, Hyuckie. Here, let me wipe those eye boogers off of you." Jaehyun says, gently cupping the back of Hyuck's head and tilting his face upwards. Jaehyun then cleans Hyuck's eyes with a gentle thumb, and Johnny can see Hyuck closing his eyes and scrunching his nose again. "There, all clean now. No more eye boogers!"
"Boogers," Hyuck parrots with a tiny smile.
Johnny's loud gasp of surprise draws their attention, and Hyuck seems to tuck himself in further into Jaehyun's arms.
"Hey, it's okay. Donghyuck, this is Johnny. Johnny lives here too and he'd like to be your friend, just like me." Jaehyun explains, patting Hyuck's head and doing his best to push down stray curls that are defying gravity.
If Johnny hadn't been paying such close attention to Jaehyun's every movement, he would've missed his husband mouthing, say hi.
"Hi, Donghyuck. I'm Johnny," he says with a smile and a small wave.
At being directly addressed, Hyuck hides half of his face in Jaehyun's chest and looks at Johnny with only one visible eye.
Unbelievable. Johnny can't handle this.
"Huh, are you playing hide and seek with Johnny, Hyuck?" Jaehyun asks as he loosens his hold around the child to peek at his half-hidden face. Hyuck's hands then come up to cover his eyes as he nods.
Perfect, Jaehyun mouths to an enthralled Johnny, who is fascinated by all this development.
It all feels a bit unreal as Jaehyun slowly scoots closer, dragging his butt on the carpet so that his knee bumps into Johnny's thigh. He is so close to Donghyuck, and the soft fragrance of baby powder is stronger than ever. Jaehyun poking his side playfully brings Johnny out of his trance. Right. He has a mission now.
"Oh? I wonder where Donghyuck has gone to?" Johnny wonders out loud, pretending to look around. "Jaehyun-ah, have you seen him?"
"Nope! Hyuck is really good at hiding!" Jaehyun plays along, and Hyuck on his lap wiggles.
"Maybe if I hide, too, Hyuck will come out of his hiding place!" Johnny covers his own face with two hands, peeking out to see Hyuck's reaction. It seems to be working because Hyuck peeks out from behind his hands too.
"Oh no! Where have my two friends gone to?" Jaehyun eggs them on.
Through the slits of his fingers, Johnny spies Donghyuck's movements. He leans down closer. "Peek-a… boo !"
The timing is slightly off, because Johnny gets too impatient and uncovers his face too quickly. But he does manage to catch a sliver of a smile on Hyuck's face before the child hides his face again.
Johnny's spirit is awakened.
It takes a few tries for their little game to work, but soon enough Johnny has picked up Donghyuck’s tells that give away whenever he is about to come out of his hiding. He would take a peek at him first, and the sight of his chocolate eyes would turn Johnny's heart into a pile of mushy goo.
"Peek… a…"
" Boo! "
The look of surprise on Johnny's face is a genuine one. Donghyuck just boo 'ed at him first! He is finally taking the initiative! He is giving Johnny a chance!
"Gosh, you found me, Hyuck!" Johnny gushes, only half pretending to be shocked, putting a dramatic hand on his chest.
Hyuck finally, finally laughs.
His tiny shoulders are shaking from his own laughter, and it is a sound so contagious that both adults fall into their own fit of giggles. Hyuck finally unglues his face from Jaehyun's chest to laugh more freely and bounce excitedly.
It seems that Johnny has broken whatever wall Hyuck set up between them before, because now Hyuck is looking at him openly with a smile. And Johnny, encouraged by all the happiness surrounding him, copies what Jaehyun did earlier and opens his arms wide.
It all happens so fast–Hyuck gets up from Jaehyun's lap and throws himself into Johnny's waiting embrace. And it does not register to Johnny at first, the fact that he is now holding Donghyuck. He has an armful of happy, giggly child tugging at the strings of his hoodie.
When Johnny looks down, Hyuck is looking up at him with sparkly eyes and an adorable, baby-toothed smile.
Something in Johnny's heart blooms .
Johnny's arms finally get the memo and he gathers Donghyuck and squeezes him, muscles trembling from trying to hold his own strength back. Hyuck is so soft and warm and his hair is fluffy. He’s the most precious thing Johnny has ever cradled in his arms.
Johnny is awash with warmth so fierce that his eyes start to tear up. He just looks on helplessly as Donghyuck settles on his lap, taking an interest in the texture of his hoodie and it's dangling strings. His back is so small under Johnny's palms that manages to cover the span of it.
Someone lets out a whimper. It's himself, cooing at the bundle of warmth and joy in his arms.
"You sappy, silly bear," Jaehyun says to him.
Johnny looks at him through blurry eyes.
"I'm so in love," Johnny says, wiping at his eyes.
"As you should," Jaehyun nods to himself, moving closer to cuddle Johnny's side, hugging him sideways. "Congrats, Hyuck likes you now."
"He does? This isn't just a fluke?"
Jaehyun laughs, planting a big kiss on Johnny's cheek. "Well, give him time to get familiar with you, alright? But you'll be fine. We're gonna be fine."
Johnny can only nod, basking in the feeling of being surrounded by family. He never guessed that Hyuck's weight on his lap would feel so right. He's never felt more at home than with both Jaehyun and Donghyuck enveloping him in warmth.
Johnny hopes they can stay like this forever.
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