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“Hold my hand,” Natasha hissed, still managing to look like she was smiling pleasantly even as her death grip on Tony’s fingers tightened. “And smile like you’re happy.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Tony whispered back. He faced forward, where the officiant was droning on. “Remind me again why we’re getting married?”
If he was being honest, Tony had lost track of their mission somewhere around when Natasha had kissed him in the ballroom. They had been attending a gala, staking out some sleazy villain du jour, and Natasha had been paranoid that their cover (a couple, of course, because the rest of the Avengers wanted to torture Tony) was looking flismy.
So she’d kissed him, and Tony had promptly lost his damn mind. Somehow, that had ended with the two of them at the altar. Part of him honestly didn’t want to know how.
Luckily, Natasha was not inclined to share. “Shut up,” she breathed, her mouth barely moving. It had to be a super spy skill, Tony decided. That, and the way her gaze kept flicking almost imperceptibly to their target in the crowd. “Pay attention.” Her hand clenched around his again, a weird show of reassurance. Or a murder threat. Tony wasn’t sure.
“Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” the officiant asked him, sounding bored. Tony wondered how many weddings that were attended by a lot of people holding a lot of guns he’d officiated to be able to sound bored right then.
“Uh, yeah,” Tony answered, a little slow. Natasha’s hand squeezed painfully. “I mean, I do.”
The officiant discreetly rolled his eyes and turned to Natasha. “And do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
“I do,” she said smoothly.
“You may now kiss.”
Tony was too shellshocked to react when Natasha pressed her mouth against his. They’d kissed before for missions, of course, and Tony was tactile enough that he gave out cheek and forehead kisses like candy. But this felt different. The soft smile that she’d flashed him, the you’re so stupid, but I like you anway look that he knew was fake but felt so real, those were new. Her kiss felt like affection, like something that could be love if they let it grow.
He pulled away, panting, but smiled so as not to break their cover. “I guess we’re married now,” he said cheekily, winking at her. Natasha nodded, seemingly out of nowhere, but Tony knew what it meant.
She reached for her guns at the same time he summoned the suit, perfectly in sync. “Yeah,” she said, firing at their target. “I guess we are.”
---
“And that’s the story!” Tony finished recounting the tale to the other Avengers, sitting on the couch with Natasha. “An all around successful mission, and I got a wife out of it.”
Clint made a face. “She settled,” he decided, looking Tony up and down. “She definitely settled.”
“Don’t be mean to my husband,” Natasha deadpanned while Tony gasped in mock-offense, the hints of an amused smirk on her lips. “He’s fragile.”
“Yes, I am,” Tony sniffed primly, leaning back against his wife. And, god , if that didn’t ache somewhere deep in his bones. Because Natasha was with him, but it wasn’t because she wanted to be. Tony knew it was only a matter of time before they put this mission in the back of their minds, just a funny story to pull out at parties. He’d already had JARVIS draw up the divorce papers, anticipating her request.
(He could still taste her lips on his.)
“When’s the divorce?” Bruce joked, unintentionally reading Tony’s mind. “I mean, you’re not actually going to stay married, right?”
Tony forced a smile. “Whenever Nat wants,” he said lightly. “I have everything set, I just need her signature.”
Natasha looked at him weirdly, silent for a moment. As usual, she was completely unreadable, so Tony just sat and waited for her judgement. “Everybody out,” she ordered after a minute of quiet. “Now.” Tony stood, only to be yanked back down by a slender hand around his wrist. “Not you, Antoshka.”
The rest of the Avengers fled like a fire had been lit under them. No one in their right mind ignored Natasha when she used that voice. Not even Tony did, and he was typically known for his stupid ideas.
Tony did his level best not to look at Natasha, lest she read his every emotion in his face. He had no doubt that she could tell what he was feeling from the lines of his shoulders, or something equally absurd, but it was a reassuring lie.
“So, Itsy Bitsy,” he started, pasting on his best press smirk. “Why the murder face?”
Natasha leveled him with an unimpressed look. “Do you want a divorce, Antoshka?”
“Divorce is such an ugly word,” Tony tried. “I figured I’d quietly have Legal deal with it, and then we’d have a fun little anecdote for later, or we’d never think about it again. I just need your signature on a couple of papers and then we’re set.”
“You didn’t answer my question,” she said, raising an eyebrow.
Tony huffed out a breath. “I would’ve liked to take you on a date first,” he admitted with a scowl.
“Well,” Natasha leaned forward, grinning like the cat that caught the canary. “There’s always the honeymoon.”
---
“So, you’re just… staying married?” Steve asked, staring at their rings over breakfast. Tony made no move to hide his hand, or the way that his whole body was slumped into Natasha’s like a cat craving attention.
“Yep,” he hummed, stealing Natasha’s mug for a sip of her coffee. He’d deny it until his dying day, but sometimes, her sugary drinks tasted better than his usual sludge. “Tax benefits, you know?”
Steve looked more confused. “But you’re a billionaire,” he pointed out.
“He still pays taxes, Steve,” Natasha said placidly, leaning in to plant a quick kiss on Tony’s lips. “He’s a law-abiding US citizen. Do you pay taxes, Steve?”
“That’s not the question here,” Steve stuttered out, turning an embarrassed red. His eyes were darting towards the exit.
Tony crowed in delight. “Babe!” he cried. “Captain America is a tax evader!”
“I know,” she said, a small smile playing at her lips. She looked softer than usual, and Tony preened at the fact that he was able to bring her walls down like that. “We should definitely never let him live this down.”
Steve scowled at the pair. “Are you always going to be like this?” he said, ears still bright pink. “When does the honeymoon period end, again?”
Tony and Natasha shared a look. “Oh, Steve,” Natasha purred, but her heated look was for Tony alone. “We’re just getting started.”