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Rachel had passed out on the floor next to my bed, but I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop running over the events of that night, the images that had been churning round and round in my head.
The termite's total loss of self. Killing the termite queen. An abandoned litter of skunk kits. Tobias' scowling, intense eyes, permanently trapped as a hawk.
"Hey. Hey, Cassie, it's ok," Rachel said, and as her head popped up over the side of the bed I realised I'd been crying.
I turned away and curled onto my side, horribly embarrassed. I didn't think I had any reason to be, not after the night we'd just had, but I really didn't like Rachel to see me this way.
The bed sagged as she sat next to me and gently rested a hand on my shoulder. I wanted to flinch away, but for some reason I didn't. I turned back to her and before I knew it, she was lying down holding me, rubbing comforting circles on my back and whispering nonsense, soothing words into my hair.
Once I'd cried myself out I burrowed my face against her chest. We weren't the sort of touchy-feely best friends who are always cuddling or whatever, but at that moment I had to wonder why. I hadn't realized how nice this could be. Rachel really did give great hugs.
"I wish I could be like you," I whispered against her chest. The words were out of my mouth before I even knew I was thinking them.
"Hmm... no," Rachel murmured sleepily, as if she was trying her best to stay awake for me. "Why?"
"You're so brave. Not like me. I'm afraid all the time."
Rachel snorted. "Not brave? You? Come on, Cassie. I've seen you with your forearm down a wolf's mouth. I've seen you handle the world's deadliest and scariest creature without even batting an eyelash." When I looked up at her in confusion, she smirked. "A skunk."
I had to laugh at that.
She held me for awhile longer. I was just starting to drift off to sleep when she said, "People think I never get scared, but I do. I'm scared all the time. Especially when I think that something might happen to you."
"Me?" I asked, looking back up at her.
"Yeah. You've been my best friend forever, Cass. I don't know what I'd do without you. I have these nightmares... if something happened to you..." She was staring at me with this almost unbearably tender expression, something you rarely ever saw on her face. It struck me even more because she was so obviously exhausted.
I'm supposed to be the insightful one. Maybe it's because I hang out with animals so much and I know how to understand them when they can't say anything. I should probably have figured out that Rachel was as scared as any of us, that her hot headedness was her way of coping.
But sometimes I got these flashes, like I knew exactly what was going on in someone's head. Not in words, more like what they were feeling. It was like knowing when it was safe to put my arm down that wolf's throat or when I needed to back off.
At that moment I had one of those flashes. Rachel had just realized something major, and she was stunned and a little frightened.
You know how I like Jake? Like, like like him? Well that was the moment Rachel knew she like liked me, and I knew she like liked me, but I don't think she knew that I knew she like liked me. If that makes any sense at all.
Of course, I could've been wrong. But I didn't think so. I'm usually right about this kind of thing.
She looked embarrassed and started to pull away. "Well, I guess I better..."
I wrapped my arms around her waist and clung on tight. I didn't really know how to feel about all this yet, but the thought of her leaving me alone in that bed was unbearable.
So she stayed and we held each other until we both fell asleep.