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Feelings are so dumb, Kenjirou decides. They are dumb and stupid and Kenjirou absolutely hates how his own feelings have softened him up so much. He thinks he liked it much better when Goshiki’s mere presence didn’t send such a fluttery feeling to his stomach, liked it more when he was able to be his usual, cold self towards him without feeling bad. When Goshiki’s reactions didn’t make him immediately want to take back his words. He thinks it was a lot better back then.
Because now? Now he’s too weak to Goshiki’s pleas and requests all because of the goddamn feelings that developed over the past few months of him being on the Shiratorizawa volleyball team and he doesn’t think he can go back. At all. Not with the way his heart races like he’s in the middle of a volleyball game when all he’s doing is hanging out with Goshiki.
Goshiki makes him feel so many things.
All he has to do is look at him and grin and already Kenjirou’s making plans to give him the world even though Goshiki hasn’t even said anything yet.
It’s probably the only reason why he ever even agreed to this.
The two of them are alone in Goshiki's house. Kenjirou's sat on top of his kitchen counter, back pressed up against the cupboards behind him, and Goshiki's occupying the space between his legs. And, well, with any other couple, maybe that situation might sound a little bit suggestive — but that’s certainly not the case here.
Instead, somehow, Goshiki has managed to convince him to allow his nails to be painted (the word convince is a bit of an exaggeration — Goshiki asked if he could do his nails; Kenjirou said yes before he even knew what he was agreeing to). So, that’s what he’s doing. Or, that’s what he’s supposed to be doing.
They haven’t started yet.
Kenjirou has been watching Goshiki fuss over different nail polish colours for the past hour. He’s been lifting up different bottles to compare them to Kenjirou’s hands and nails with careful consideration before pursing his lips and shaking his head because no, that’s not the right colour at all. And Kenjirou can’t even say anything about it because anytime he tells him to just pick a goddamn colour already, Goshiki just looks at him incredulously. He almost looks offended, even, because Shirabu-senpai, he needs to “get the right shade” or else “it won’t look good on you” (Kenjirou’s not sure if he should be offended at the implication that not every colour looks good on him) or “it won’t match your outfit” which means “it won’t match me,” and Kenjirou just doesn’t understand. Does it really matter that much? He has half a mind to take back his agreement because this is already taking longer than he would’ve expected.
This is time that could’ve been spent studying, like they had originally planned to do together because he knows that Goshiki needs help with his math, or they could’ve spent this time cuddling, like he knew would’ve eventually ended up happening when Goshiki inevitably decides that he’s had enough of numbers and variables and equations not making any sense at all.
As he’s about to voice his change of mind though, Goshiki pipes up. “Oh! This is the one,” he says, and when Kenjirou takes a glance at it, he realizes that it’s a shade of pink that looks exactly like the pink Goshiki had looked at literally two minutes ago only to turn it down. He doesn’t say anything about it.
He’s just relieved Goshiki finally settled on one.
“Are you done now?” Kenjirou asks as Goshiki gently shoves the rest of the bottles aside before settling back in between his legs.
Goshiki lifts his head up from where he was examining the bottle he'd chosen. He smiles and moves his hand to brush some hair out of Kenjirou’s face (Kenjirou absolutely does not blush at that), and then he nods, holding his palm out. “Yeah. Give me your hand, and then I’ll start.”
Kenjirou does exactly that. He places his right hand in Goshiki’s (how is his hand so soft and warm?) and Goshiki finally begins to paint his nails.
That’s when he realizes that he’s made a mistake by agreeing to this, because now that Goshiki has fallen silent in order to complete his task at hand (literally), Kenjirou has no choice but to just sit there and watch him. He can’t really do anything else but that, because Goshiki’s standing there, right in front of him, so how on Earth is he even meant to focus on anything else but him?
He holds his breath as Goshiki coats his nails with the pastel pink, almost afraid to even breathe wrong and accidentally cause him to mess up. Goshiki is being so quiet for once. He’s so completely focused on painting Kenjirou’s nails perfectly that he’s not even attempting to start a conversation like he normally would. Something about it is kind of endearing. (It’s very endearing.)
After a few minutes of Kenjirou watching Goshiki’s eyebrows furrow as he goes through the motions of neatly painting each nail, Goshiki leans back a little so he’s standing up straight again, and then he lifts Kenjirou’s hand up to blow gently on the fresh coat of polish and Kenjirou’s heart jumps in his chest. God, what the fuck. He hates how intimate Goshiki can make such a mundane action feel. (He hates how it’s affecting him so much as well.) Goshiki stares at his nails a little while longer, scrutinizing them with his gaze for any mistakes, and then when he decides he’s content with them, he grins and drops his hand.
“Other hand now,” he says, and Kenjirou reluctantly obliges, blushing a little because it had taken him a few seconds to process the fact that Goshiki had spoken to him (he had been too distracted looking at Goshiki’s face).
Right before the brush touches the nail of his index finger, though, Kenjirou surges forward, cups Goshiki’s face with his free hand, and then he kisses him. Goshiki tenses up. He doesn’t exactly kiss him back before he pulls away, but Kenjirou doesn’t fault him for it because he knows he caught him off guard and his brain is most likely short circuiting. Kenjirou understands completely. He’d probably have the same reaction if it were Goshiki kissing him out of the blue.
“S-Shirabu-senpai?! What was that for?” Goshiki’s blushing too, now, eyebrows raised in shock. His lips are parted slightly.
Kenjirou ignores his question, because, if he’s being honest, he has no real reason for doing it. He felt the strong urge to kiss him all of a sudden, so that’s what he did. He can’t help it if he just wants to kiss his boyfriend out of nowhere. He was overwhelmed by the close proximity and the gentle caress of his hand in Goshiki’s and the way Goshiki just looked so cute focused on him. It was so unfair.
He sighs. “I told you, you can drop the senpai part. Shirabu is fine.”
“Right, sorry! I just— ah!” Goshiki cuts himself off with a gasp, eyes widening as his gaze drops down to Kenjirou’s fingers. “You made me mess up, wait—!“
Kenjirou just sits there, blinking dumbfounded at Goshiki’s retreating figure as he rushes out of the room and then returns shortly after with nail polish remover in one hand and a couple of cotton balls in the other. He’s quick to clean up the polish that’d gone off of Kenjirou’s nail and onto his finger, and Kenjirou watches him throughout it all with a fond smile, amused at how serious he’s taking this.
He finishes off the coat on Kenjirou’s other hand much quicker than the first one, having more confidence in his skill after the first turned out better than he expected. He makes sure they’re dry before stepping back.
“What do you think?” Goshiki asks, because he’s a sucker for praise and he needs Kenjirou’s approval more than anything else before he can be fully satisfied with his work. He’s happy with it, but if Kenjirou is happy with it too, that’ll just make him even happier.
Kenjirou pulls his hand away and lifts both of them up to eye level, examining his nails for a short moment. “Looks good,” he replies with a shrug. He’s not too sure what else to say about them, but he’s sure that that’s all Goshiki needed to hear anyways. “Nice job.”
“Okay! Thank you, can you paint mine now?” Goshiki asks. He holds a pastel purple bottle in front of Kenjirou, and when Kenjirou’s eyes flicker from the nail polish up to Goshiki’s face, he notices that Goshiki’s big, dumb eyes are bright and practically sparkling with anticipation and his big, dumb smile is soft and sweet and— ugh.
(Kenjirou can’t resist.)