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The morning light streams through the window. The curtains moving just slightly with the late summer breeze. Josh can smell the scent of freshly cut grass floating in from outside.
He looks down to see a fluff of chocolate brown hair and smiles. This is his favorite thing to wake up to. The tour had ended, and he was finally able to spend his mornings with his boyfriend in bed, legs intertwined, Tyler's head on Josh's muscled chest. He can feel the slow steady breaths ghosting across his pecs, and see Tyler's plump rose lips are slightly parted. How badly he wants to kiss them, but he cannot bear to wake his love up yet.
Josh knows that Tyler needs his sleep. The tour only ended two days ago, and since then the depression had gotten worse. Tyler was always susceptible to bouts of depression, even though he had been on medication for several years. Josh hated that his boy felt sad so often. Hated that, with the sadness came insecurity. But of course, he never thought any less of Tyler because of it. Quite the opposite, actually. He was proud of Tyler. Josh knew how strong he was, and how hard he worked to overcome his mental illness so that he could produce, play, and perform music for his fans.
Josh carefully moves his arm from underneath the sleeping boy to gently push a few strands of fluffy hair out of Tyler's eyes. He takes a moment to further appreciate his love's beauty. Both of them usually go to bed in just their boxers, so there is a lot to admire. Tyler's smooth, defined chest- not particularly muscular but beautiful, his slightly pudgy tummy, his broad shoulders, and soft neck. Josh loved every part of his boy; body and mind.
You see, Tyler's mind was beautiful, yet a little scary. He had his demons, his Blurryface, that would torment him and tell him so many negative things about himself. He wasn't smart enough, his hands didn't move on the keys fluidly enough, his voice not smooth enough, lyrics not mysterious or witty enough, etc. This voice always got louder on days when Tyler was especially down, and would sometimes be so ill with depression that he couldn't get out of bed.
Yet, Tyler's mind was a thing of beauty. He was a lyrical genius, and very few people would ever argue otherwise. The music he wrote was his way of expressing his deepest fears and his insecurities, and Josh was often surprised by how effortlessly the words came flowing through his boyfriend, onto a page. Sometimes, it wasn't even about the words. Josh had never met another musician (and he had met a lot of musicians and lyricists) who would start with a melody, like Tyler did. Often times, he would hear the notes in his mind, sit down at the keyboard in their music room, or on the tour bus, and just... play, and the lyrics would come later.
The lyrics that Tyler wrote were a revelation in themselves. He never ceased to impress Josh, their managers, record label, and fans with the way he could write something so specific and personal to him, but still have an air of mystery. That was how he liked it, because as he said, he wanted the listener to interpret the lyrics in their own way. The music meant more to the listener that way, is what Tyler always said.
And Josh? Josh was happy to accompany his love on the drums. To add the beat, and that certain life to the lyrics and chords played by the keyboard, or ukulele, and the other boy's strong hands.
Yes, his boyfriend was a prodigy in his eyes. Beautiful in every way.
"'Mornin'" Josh heard the melodious sound of Tyler's raspy morning voice.
"Good Morning, Ty". Josh again reached his hand up and began to run his fingers through the mop of brown fluffy hair under his chin. "How are you feeling?"
"Mmmm" Tyler let out a soft hum and shifted a bit so he could look up into his boyfriend's espresso eyes. "I'm feeling blue today, Jishwa." He mumbled.
Josh and Tyler had come up with a system to communicate how Tyler was feeling at any given moment. Blue for sad, yellow for happy. Tyler chose yellow, saying that it signifies contentment, joy and freedom. Freedom from his demons.
"Oh, my love." Josh brought his hand down from Tyler's hair to caress his cheek, "That's too bad. Is there any particular reason why?"
Tyler moved a little more on the bed so that he was propping his upper half up with his left elbow and was now facing Josh better. He sighed, "I just feel really down now that the tour is over, I think". He stated, looking off at the wall to the side of Josh's head, "Like I don't have a purpose right now, and Blurryface is getting the best of me."
Josh slid his calloused hand down Tyler's right arm and back up again, in a soothing motion. "I understand feeling a little down because the tour ended, love. I do. You put so much of your heart and soul into your shows, and making fans happy, and involving them in every performance." He leaned forward and kissed Tyler's forehead gently, "But you still have a purpose, whether you are on tour or not."
Tyler thought about this for a moment. His eyes still closed from the sweet kiss his boyfriend had given him. After a little bit, he exhaled loudly, opened his eyes and rolled them up to the ceiling. "I just don't see it, Josh. Like, when we are on break, I'm happy to be home and stuff, you know?" Josh nodded for Tyler to continue. "But, I feel like no one needs me."
Josh furrowed his brows and took Tyler's chin in his palm, guiding the younger to look at him again. "What do you mean, Ty?"
Tyler pursed his lips while looking into his boyfriend's espresso eyes. "Well, when I'm on tour, my fans need me. They count on me to put on the best show I can. They feed off of the lights, the sets, the dancing, you know?" Josh did know. Tyler had always been way more involved in the sets, lights, and planning on every show, than anyone else he ever had known. "Mark needs me. Needs me to be fresh, and on time, and have all the right answers. The interviewers need me. You need me, to be on tempo and stuff so that you can continue to look good up there, too" He chucked a little under his breath, and Josh did too, with a raised eyebrow.
"I see what you mean, baby. But you are needed here, too." He pressed a soft kiss to Tyler's rose lips. "I love you, more than anything. I need you here."
"Ok, but like, what's my purpose, though?" Tyler asked, slowly drawing out his words. "I just feel so purposeless when I'm not recording or performing music. I don't know what to do with myself. I need to be needed" He sighs again "And, I just can't see what I need to do here, or for you, that you couldn't get from literally anyone else."
At that last sentence, Tyler's face fell. Josh looked around the room for a moment, feeling speechless. How could Tyler think so little of himself? How could he not see how important he was to Josh? Josh ran his hand down his face, trying to think of how he can word his thoughts, and arrange his feelings in a way that his love would understand his worth, and know that he was needed.
He picked his head up and glanced up at his boyfriend. "Tyler, I- oh, baby, are you crying?"
Josh watched as tears silently slipped down Tyler's face. "Come here, Ty," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around Tyler and sat up, pulling the brunette into his lap, facing him.
"Baby, you are so important to me. I honestly don't know what I would do without you. My Ty, with his beautiful mind, and gorgeous soul." He was speaking lowly right into Tyler's ear as he held him close to his chest and slightly rocked them both back and forth on the bed. Tyler continued to cry, the only indication of this being the wet feeling on Josh's shoulder as he tightly held his boy.
Josh sighed deeply, pulling back slightly after a few minutes and looking into Tyler's caramel eyes. "Sweetheart, I only hesitated because I was trying to think of how to express how much I do need you. I'm not great with words like you are, my lyricist punk." He teased, attempting to get Tyler to smile. It worked, Tyler cracked a lopsided grin for a split second, his face quickly reverting back into sadness, but not before Josh caught the smile. "I saw that", he said, "listen, Ty, you are literally the most important person to me. You are my entire world. You are my home. I don't care where we go or how long we are on tour for, because as long as you are with me, I am home." Josh pressed a sweet kiss to Tyler's temple "I need you, babe. Every day."
"What do you mean?" Tyler asked, wiping away a few of his tears with a balled up fist, "What do you need me for? You've got friends and family, and... and-"
Josh cut him off, "But there is only one you, Tyler." Josh said in more of a dominant tone. He needed to make sure Tyler heard him. "There are so many times when I only want and need you. Like when I have a panic attack, for example. You are the only one who can calm me down." He said, "Remember that time before we moved in together and Brendon was here?"
Tyler let out a short giggle, his hands moving to cover his mouth. "Yeah, he called me practically hyperventilating himself, because he thought you were dying and he didn't know what to do."
Josh smiled wide at his love "That's right, babe. And then you had to go through all the breathing exercises with me, and you were able to calm me down. Not Brendon. You. And he's been my best friend for years." Josh grabbed Tyler's hands, moving them away from his face, "don't cover up your pretty face, love. Just know, please. I do need you. And I want you in my life. I don't want to do any of the silly things we do with anyone else. I don't want to watch Titanic and cry like two school girls with anyone else." He brushed a few more tears off Tyler's drying cheeks, "I don't want to have a flour fight while making brownies with anyone else. I don't want to sit out on our deck and watch the butterflies with anyone else." Josh noticed that the brunette had opened his mouth and was about to speak, so he held up a finger, "And, before you say anything- I wouldn't want to stay in bed and have a 'blue day' with anyone else." He cupped Tyler's cheek, "I need you, babe. Every day," He repeated.
The look on Tyler's face was somewhere between overwhelmed, and disbelieving. Before Josh could say anything else, Tyler leaned forward and captured his lips in a passionate kiss. Their lips moved together and Tyler bit Josh's bottom lip, letting his tongue enter the red head's mouth and massage Josh's tongue.
When they finally had to come up for air, Tyler leaned his forehead against Josh's with his nose nuzzling against his soft cheek. "God, I love you, Jish."
"I love you, too TyJo". Josh pressed one more chaste kiss to his love's moist lips. "As far as your purpose?"
"Hmmm" Tyler hummed questioningly.
"Your purpose, my love, is to love yourself. Focus on your happiness, your yellow days. I know that is hard sometimes. Fuck, it's hard for me too." Josh pulled back only enough so that he could look into Tyler's eyes once again, "But, you are important too. You are far more important than the fans, the venues, the interviewers, etc." Josh then sat up more, and pulled Tyler softly off of his lap, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.
When Tyler gave him a questioning look, he said "Come on, babe. I want to show you something I've been working on for awhile."
He got up and took Tyler's hand, leading him down the hall to their music room, and over to the keyboard that was set up just underneath the double window in the back of the room that was decorated all in white, because Tyler said it made him feel more creative.
They stopped in front of the keyboard. "Josh, what-" Tyler started, still giving him a confused look.
"Babe, do you remember my friend Hannah?"
"Yeaaahh," Tyler confusedly drew out the word, "she lives in Tennessee now, right? The one with the gorgeous eyes and glowing skin?"
"That's the one!" Josh exclaimed "Well, we have been skyping sometimes when you have been out of the house, because she was helping me work on a surprise for you." Josh spoke as he moved into position at the keyboard, his hands resting loosely on the keys.
Tyler laughed shortly, "You're gonna play me something?"
Josh nudged him with his shoulder, "Yeah, punk. Why, you think that's funny?" He smirked. Tyler just shook his head with a smile on his face.
Josh then looked down at the keys in concentration and began to play a familiar tune. "Anyway, Hannah has been showing me how to play this key progression, because we both knew you would be a little down when we came home, and I have a message for you." He said, smiling again and looking into Tyler's eyes as Tyler sat down in a chair next to the keyboard to watch his boyfriend. "I will play you the whole song in a month or so after I memorize all the chords." Josh stated.
He began to hum a little and then started to sing.
"Pointless curses, nonsense verses
You'll see purpose start to surface
No one else is dealing with your demons
Meaning maybe defeating them
Could be the beginning of your meaning, friend."
Josh stopped playing after the last word, and looked back over to Tyler, who had a single tear rolling down his already red cheek, but a smile on his face. "Using my own lyrics against me, huh?" He asked.
"Nah, baby," Josh said, closing the gap between them to straddle his boyfriend's thighs. "Just reminding you, that you had the answer all along."
A/n: special thanks to those who inspired me and helped me write this fic. Give them a follow, they all have amazing stories. @TrueAutophile @dino-satan666 @talktoemspooky