Archive of Our Own

Today is one of those rare free days. After finishing with their tour just days ago, the company gave them the weekend to rest before going back to work on their next album.

Since it was only two days, the Bangtan boys occupy their free time in different ways: going out with friends, practicing a hobby, playing a game, or simply laying down and doing nothing, something they usually can’t do.

Namjoon... Well, Namjoon, doesn’t know what to do. Being used to working non stop, at any hour and moment, having free time is something that he didn’t know how to use.

Sure, he could go out and bike by the river, or go to a museum. But the notice of their free weekend came so suddenly that he didn’t have time to plan anything. He tries to look up some exhibitions that he could like but nothing seems interesting enough to make him move. That's how he spends the morning of his free Saturday.

He tries to read some of the books he put on hold for so long. And he tries to enjoy and understand them, he really does, but his brain doesn’t want to cooperate. In the end, they end back in his nightstand and that’s how the evening of his free Saturday goes.

Namjoon also tries to do some work. Since that seems to be the one thing he does good. Maybe write some lyrics or think of a melody they could use in their new album. But once again, his brain doesn’t cooperate. Nothing that he writes seems good enough, meaningful enough or even decent enough. Namjoon throws his notebook somewhere in his room and goes to bed earlier than usual. He was probably still tired so the best was to rest and try again tomorrow. And that’s how his free Saturday ends.

Sadly, his free Sunday doesn’t seem better. After tossing around in his bed for hours, Namjoon fell asleep somewhere in the early morning. When he wakes up, in the afternoon, his body feels restless. Every part feels heavy and he seems to be getting a headache. Namjoon contemplates what to do now and the growl of his stomach answers him. He should eat something.

Dragging his limbs through the house towards the kitchen is a bigger task than it should be but he doesn’t have the energy to move faster. At least he has the time to do it.

In the kitchen, he isn’t sure what to do. He doesn’t want to make something too elaborate to eat, especially only for him. And it isn’t like the kitchen is his zone.

What is his zone anyway?

So Namjoon decides that cereal is the best option now. After pouring cereal, milk and a banana (so people couldn’t say that he wasn’t taking care of himself), he sits on the counter of the kitchen and eats in silence. He hears motion somewhere in the house but he doesn’t care.

Almost half of his bowl is empty when he hears steps closing on him.

“Oh, Namjoon-ah”, a sunshine-like voice resonates in the empty kitchen, “having a late breakfast?” Hoseok appears by his side and puts a hand on Namjoon’s back. The later doesn’t look at him and just nods, looking in the distance while chewing his cereal without interest. The response of his friend makes Hobi laugh while throwing himself over Namjoon. “I see that you haven’t fully woken yet,” he says after a moment still with an arm around Namjoon’s shoulder. He just shrugs. “I’m going out now,” he lastly announces; Namjoon just nods again and eats another spoonful of cereal. “Are you okay, Joon?” his friend finally asks with a more serious voice.

For the first time, Namjoon turns around and looks at his friend’s face. Hoseok’s brown eyes are warm and welcoming – kind of intense – and at any other time he would probably look away a little intimidated but now, he is starting to feel too numb inside to even react.

“I’m just tired”, he speaks and his voice seems foreign to him. Hoseok just hums.

“I can stay with you if you want me to”, he offers and Namjoon seriously considers the offer for a moment but quickly dismisses, shaking his head.

“It’s okay, go do your thing,” answer going back to his cereal.

“You sure? I can do my thing another day”.

Namjoon shakes his head again: “We don’t know when we’re gonna get another free day so just go.”

He could feel Hoseok’s stare, as if trying to get inside his head. After a minute of silence, he speaks again.

“Alright then, I will go,” he decides. “Jungkookie is in his room. And the hyungs are here too. So, if you need something they are here, okay?” Namjoon nods. “And you know if you wanna talk you can always text or call me. I will always be ready to listen to you, alright?”

Once again, Namjoon looks in his friend's eyes. He almost sees the unsaid words in them, millions of them all tangled with love, sincerity, and understanding. Somehow, even after all these years, Namjoon is still surprised by how well his friend knows and understands him.

“Alright,” he simply answers with half-eaten cereals in his mouth.

Hobi looks at him for a second before a big heart smile spreads across his face and before Namjoon can react, his bandmate squeezes both of his cheeks with his hands and start cooing.

“Our Namjoonie is so cute,” he says as if he’s talking with a kid and Namjoon can’t stop the little laugh that escapes his lips. “I’m leaving now,” Hoseok announces, simultaneously stopping touching Namjoon’s face. He starts moving outside of the kitchen but before leaving, he turns around and points at him with a finger, “Remember what I said.”

A half-laugh escapes once again of Namjoon's mouth but he focuses on his bowl and dismisses Hoseok with a hand movement. He hears Hobi's laughter getting far away from him. There’s silence for a moment before a “Love you!” echoes in the air then the click of the door shutting follows.

Namjoon would be lying if he says that having Hobi in his life doesn’t make him happy. If it wasn’t for him Namjoon didn’t think he would be able to lead the group as well as he has been doing for the past 6 years. And, to be honest, just having Hoseok around is fucking great. For him and for the group.

Namjoon is so glad to call Hoseok his best friend.

But right now, he needs more than the sunshine that he provides to stop the numbness that is starting to fill him. Although it is enough to motivate him to finish his food, wash his bowl and go back to his room.

He looks around his room for a moment. The curtains are still closed; part of him knows that he needs the natural light but the bigger part doesn’t care enough. So he just throws himself in bed and stays there.

The numbness that Namjoon is experiencing is nothing new to him. It’s something he has been dealing with for years now. And it isn’t something that he hasn’t learn how to manage. But he is so tired now. He has been touring for more than a year, filming shows, producing and writing music, doing interviews, photoshoots and everything in between. And yes, their one month vacation was great but he already used the energy he gained there in these past months and didn’t know where to obtain more now.

So, now, as he lays in bed in a darkened room without the energy to fight, Namjoon lets his own thoughts consume him. The negative ones. The ones that tormented him for so long. The ones that even though he made peace with, he still didn’t like.

Namjoon feels so tired. And useless. And disappointed in himself. He was spending his free days moping in bed instead of doing something useful. Or doing something at all. Why couldn’t he be like his friends? They were probably doing something amazing now. He knows that his friends are amazing, of course they would be doing amazing things. And there he is, being stupid and useless.

And tomorrow they have to go back to work. The company expected him to do something amazing with his lyrics, write something touching and motivated. But how can he do that when he feels like shit inside?

Sometimes, when the numbness is too much to ignore, he wonders if this what he’ll feel when the music stops being his thing. What will he do if he can’t do music anymore? What if melodies don’t come to his head anymore? What if his words don’t make sense anymore? What if he stops being useful to his group? What if that moment it’s already happening and he hasn’t realized yet?

The thought always scares him a lot. What would he do with his life if music isn’t there anymore? Because Namjoon knows that music is a big part of him. In his mind, music is equal to Namjoon. But if you take that off the equation, what is left? What would happen to him? Everyone knows that he barely can take care of himself but his ability in production compensates for that. Without it, he would just be a big clumsy mess that would be barely liked by anyone.

That makes him feel really lonely too. Would people still love him if he couldn’t do music anymore? Would his friend still love him if he couldn’t do music anymore? He didn’t want to lose that love so usually, he would try to fight hard to be needed and loved. But he is too fucking tired to even try right now.

Those thoughts keep doing rounds in his head and Namjoon doesn’t say anything about it. There’s a little voice inside him trying to shoo away those negative ideas but its voice is weak and the other too strong.

So he just lays there, in his bed in a darkened room, and hopes that everything will past fast.

At some point, he opens his eyes, although he doesn’t remember closing them. The room is darker and everything he feels is still in there. Even himself. Namjoon tries to move but his neck hurts, he fell asleep in a weird position. Still, he rolls to his side and faces the clock on the night table. 7:12 pm. Almost night and he didn’t do anything at all. A growl escapes his mouth and he hides his face in the pillow. For a moment Namjoon contemplates just staying there and sleeping until the next day but he dismissed the idea. He needs to eat, and shower, and discuss the schedule with the rest to the members to go back to work. No matter how he feels, Namjoon is still the leader of the group and has a responsibility with the others. He wasn’t going to disappoint his members.

Still, it takes him at least 20 minutes to move off his bed and go to the shower. But he is glad he did because the warm water did wonders to relax his aching body. After putting a little more effort into finding comfy and warm clean clothes –mismatched hoodie and sweatpants – he leaves his room and walks to where he sees the light on.

The laughter of his oldest hyung is coming from the kitchen so he goes there. Inside he finds Seokjin sitting in one of the stools and Yoongi searching something in the cupboard.

“Hey there,” Jin greets him when he sees Namjoon enter the kitchen.

Yoongi turns around. “Oh Namjoon-ah, I haven’t seen you today,” he quickly mumbles then goes back to his task.

He only mumbles in response and goes to the refrigerator to take a water bottle, then sits down in the stool opposite of Seokjin's.

“We are making dinner,” says Jin when the silence was too long.

“We?” asks Yoongi, raising an eyebrow at his only hyung.

Jin only rolls his eyes. “Yoongi is doing dinner and I’m supervising,” the oldest corrects himself looking at Namjoon and ignoring Yoongi. The latter continues to look through the cupboards.

“Oh?” it’s the only thing that Namjoon says and then he drinks from his water bottle.

“You didn’t read the group chat?”, Namjoon shakes his head. He hasn’t taken a look at his phone the whole day. He hopes that there wasn’t a message from work but honestly didn’t care too much now. “The kids wanted to eat the curry he did when we were in New Zealand”, Seokjin explains, “so he is here now, being soft for them.”

“I’m not soft for them” complains Yoongi and they can almost hear the pout in his voice.

Jin laughs. “Stop lying to yourself. You are soft for us,” he teases.

“Us?” Yoongi turns around and faces Seokjin once again, “so now you are including yourself?”

Jin almost looks offended. “Of course. You love me too,” he finishes, doing a flower cup pose and batting his eyelashes to his friend.

No emotions were found in Yoongi’s face.

“Who lied to you?” is the response he gives 10 seconds after and it makes Seokjin laugh loud and clear. A small smile spreads across Yoongi’s face as he shakes his head in disbelief and continues collecting the ingredients.

Seokjin wipes a tear off his eyes. “You are so funny Yoongichi”.

Namjoon looks at how his hyungs interact with each other and it makes him happy to see them in a good mood. For a moment he thought of leaving them alone before his bad humor ruins the mood but ultimately decides that he wants to be a little selfish and stay. Maybe if he stays long enough it will make him feel better.

“Is everything alright Joonie?” The soft voice of the oldest brings him out of his thoughts. Seokjin is looking at him with worried eyes. Namjoon opens his mouth to respond but closes it again, choosing to look at the bottle in front of him.

“Something is bothering you”, Yoongi says matter of fact. He’s now peeling potatoes but he stops to give his full attention to his young friend.

Namjoon looks at both of them not knowing what to do. Part of him wants to talk to someone, to vent about it and feel better. But the other part of him doesn’t want to bother them and ruin their night.

“If you want to talk to Yoongi alone, I can leave” Jin offers when he notices that Namjoon’s eyes were looking at the second oldest.

“What? No, no, it’s not that” he rapidly assures, shaking his hands in from of him. Even though it’s true that he has a special connection with the older rapper, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t trust Seokjin. “It’s just...” he scratches the back of his neck avoiding the eyes of his friends, “it’s one of those moods, you know?”

And they do know. Of course they do. They have known Namjoon for almost ten years, this isn’t the first time that their friend is feeling low and sadly it won’t be the last time. But if time has taught them something, it's how to make him feel better.

Seokjin and Yoongi share a meaningful look and then both nod to each other.

“Ah, I see”, Seokjin speaks first as he stands off his stool and goes to sit next to Namjoon. “That sucks”, the younger nods agreeing with him. “You wanna talk about it?”

Namjoon stays still for a moment but only shrugs in response.

“Hey Joon-ah”, speaks Yoongi after a while “can you help me with this?” and points at the potatoes. “The others will be here soon I want to finish fast.” There’s a little bit of awkwardness in Yoongi's voice but Namjoon doesn’t seem to notice, too distracted by the change of subject.

But he accepts anyway, “Sure.” Yoongi puts the potatoes, a bowl and the peeler next to him and quietly Joon start doing his task.

“Did you rest well last night?” asks Jin after a couple of minutes.

Namjoon shakes his head. “I think I fell asleep around... 4 am maybe? And I didn’t sleep well either”.

“And the other days?”

“Not that bad... but it wasn’t good either.”

“Too many thoughts?”

Namjoon nods. “Too many thoughts.”

“About work?”

He stops peeling for a moment and stares at the potato in his hand.

After a minute, he answers “I guess?” then continue to peel. “I mean, it’s part work and part me, as always. I think I’m still too tired. We just did our final concert and now we have to go back to work and I think I’m still stressed about it, there is still a lot of work to do and I don’t know if I will be able to finish everything or do it well. And honestly, I feel like I don’t have the energy to do anything. Not even to rest. Like, the only thing I had to do it was to rest and I couldn’t even do that. How am I supposed to write a song if I can’t even fucking sleep?” he drops his hands at both sides of his body and tilts his head back as a growling sound is heard in his throat. “I feel so useless” he whispers and return to his previous position.

“I see”, Jin speaks calmly and Namjoon startles – he almost forgot that Jin was there too. He locks eyes with his hyung who's sitting next to him resting his head on one of his hands, focus solely on him.

“I’m sorry hyung,” he whispers.

A soft laugh escapes Jin’s lips. “For what?”

He shrugs. “I’m rambling and probably ruining your mood.”

“No, no, don’t say that Namjoon-ah, you aren’t ruining anything.” Jin reaches out and touches his arm softly. “But Yoongi will definitely ruin my mood if he doesn’t calm down with the garlic,” he jokes, eyes trained on his other friend.

A pout appears on Yoongi's lips instantly. “What? You like garlic.”

“Yeah but you use too much and it makes me itchy.”

“So? Go take your meds then,” Yoongi sasses then goes back to dicing the garlic on the cutting board.

Jin rolls his eyes but turns around to look at Namjoon, who’s fighting a little smile. “As I was saying, you are not ruining anything. You usually feel better when you say out loud what bothers you and I’m glad that you trust us enough to share it with us. So don’t worry Namjoonie, you can speak as long as you want. We are here for you.”

It’s the second time that someone said something like that to him today. And he isn’t going to lie, it does make him feel warm inside. Despite being the leader of the group, he still is the middle child and sometimes needs the guidance of someone older. And he’s so glad to have two hyungs that understand him the way they do.

“Yeah, speak all you want Joon but you still need to finish peeling those potatoes”, Yoongi jokes, gaining a little smile from Namjoon.

So that’s what he does. Namjoon continues peeling the potatoes – careful of not damage his fingers – and talks about what’s worrying him, what he feels, what he has to do and everything in between. By the time he peels all the potatoes, his head and body feel lighter. Although his friends didn’t comment much as he spoke, knowing that he has their complete attention makes him feel better.

“What can I tell you Joon-ah, I don’t envy that brain of yours.” Seokjin hisses a ‘Yoongi’ at his words but the younger ignores it, continuing. “So brilliant and thoughtful but so complicated.”

Namjoon understands perfectly what he means by that. If someone could understand what it felt like when your brain didn’t want to cooperate with you it was Yoongi. Namjoon was with him in the darkest moments and Yoongi did the same for him. Of course he knows what he meant.

Yoongi starts cutting a carrot. “But... everything is gonna be alright. It’s always alright in the end, isn’t it? So just hang in there for now, we will help you until you can go on your own, alright? That’s why we are here.”

Jin whispers a little teasing “soft” to Yoongi but he continues to ignore him in favor of looking Namjoon in the eyes. His small but fierce eyes penetrate his soul making feel naked. Joon just nods at him.

“Good,” Yoongi declares then moves his eyes to the cutting boarding. “Also”, he says seconds later and something change in his voice, “speak to us. If you have a problem or something is bothering you or about work. Especially if it’s about work. This group isn’t only you, there are six of us that can help you- that will help you. No matter what the company or that brain of yours tell you, we are a team and teams work together. I don’t want to know that you are stressing over work when you could ask for our help, do you understand?”

Namjoon is being scolded. He knows it and it makes him feel small. Yoongi looks up at him and there’s a fire in his eyes – he's waiting for an answer.

“Yes hyung”, was all that Namjoon can say. His hyung nods and the flame in his eyes dies down, leaving only the warmth of his brown eyes.

The usual low and warm voice of Yoongi returns. “If you finish that, can you dice it please?”

Namjoon does as he’s told.

Seokjin lets out a little laugh but doesn’t say anything else. They continue to work in almost silence – only interrupted by Seokjin’s “careful with your fingers” – but it isn’t uncomfortable. The atmosphere is lighter than it was earlier and Namjoon does feel better. The numbness starts leaving his body and a warmer feeling is starting to fill him little by little.

15 minutes and some bickering between the hyungs later, everything is in a pot on the stove.

“Alright, this has to cook now and we’re done” Yoongi announces.

“You should cook the rice”, says Seokjin looking at his nails, “You should have done that first.”

Yoongi deadpans at him, “And why didn’t you tell me that before?” 

“You are the chef tonight, you should have known” he sasses and looks at the nails of his other hand.

“You could have to helped me.”

Seokjin looks at him and with a teasing smile says, “No, I couldn’t have.”

Before Yoongi can say or do something he’ll regret later, Namjoon speaks “I can do it.”

Both of them nod at him. He stands from his stool and walks where the rice cooker is. He stands in front of it and stares at it for a moment.

“You remember how to do it?” Jin asks him.

He tilts his head to the side, “I think?”

“Let me help you” and even though Namjoon isn’t looking at Seokjin, he can hear the smile in his voice.

Seokjin stands by his side and guides him in everything that he has to do. The thing with Seokjin is that his soft manners make it easy for Namjoon to follow his instructions but his teasing side makes him feel like he still is talking to a friend. His oldest hyung is the perfect balance between friendliness and responsibility. He never forgets his responsibility as the oldest to protect and guide the others, but he also never forgets that they all were kids when they started and didn’t need a cold hand to control them but an understanding, patient and a warm smile.

Namjoon will always be grateful to him.

“And you are done,” Jin says as Namjoon pressed the start button and the screen announces that the rice will be done in 20 minutes. “Good job Joonie.” He gives Namjoon a pat on the back, earning a shy smile in return.

Steps are heard it in the hall and soon after, a sleepy Jungkook appears in the kitchen. He drags his feet and sits on one of the stools.

“I’m hungry” he simply announces to all the ones present.

Jin puts his hand on his hips and looks at him in disbelief. “Oh hello there Jungkook-ah. It’s a lovely night, isn’t? Oh, how I am? I’m fine, thanks for asking, you didn’t have to bother.”

The maknae deadpans at the dramatic act of the oldest and simply repeats his statement: “I’m hungry”.

Jin gasps, offended and Namjoon takes the opportunity to go sit too. “You brat!” Seokjin flares up, pointing an accusatory finger at their youngest. “We raised you better than this!”

Jungkook just ignores him this time and looks at the second oldest, who's happily looking at the pot on the stove. “Hyung,” he whines.

Seokjin shakes his head, faking disappointment on his youngest friend. Yoongi doesn’t have to look at the scene to smile too.

“It’s almost done but you have to wait until the others get home.” Jungkook grumbles and lays on the counter. Yoongi turns around to look at the maknae. “Why so grumpy? The editing isn’t going well?” he asks and turns to the fire again.

Jungkook sits again. “It’s not that. I fell asleep in the chair and now my neck hurts”, he moves his neck and a bone cracking sound is heard. Jin rapidly comes to his side and starts massaging his neck like he's used to doing it, completely dismissing their earlier argument.

“Are you editing another Golden Closet Film?” Namjoon asks and Jungkook turns to him, nodding happily.

“Well, not editing yet. I’m still going through the footage I filmed on tour. There is so much and I have to choose parts where I don’t expose some of you doing something stupid.”

“When has that ever stopped you?” Jin asks with a laugh in his voice.

A teasing smile spreads on Jungkook’s face as he looks at Jin. “Yeah, but I don’t want to do it so obviously this time.” The oldest laugh at that and it makes the youngest smile bigger.

“Have you found something good?” Namjoon speaks again and the attention returns to him.

“Actually, yes” and his eyes start shining. He takes his phone out of his hoodie’s pocket and start scrolling through it. “I had to save it here because it was so cool. Oh, there it is” Jungkook announces with a big smile and puts the phone on the counter so everyone can watch. Even Yoongi gets closer after lowering the heat. “It was at one of the rehearsals of Tear”, Kook explains, “and I thought hyung was really cool here.” He gives Namjoon a look.

“Me?” Joon asks in disbelief and Jungkook nods lively once again. He feels his cheeks heating up a little.

“Yeah, you were really great. Well, all of you were but Rapmon hyung was better. No offense,” he says to Yoongi.

“Offense taken” Yoongi responds although he doesn’t sound offended at all.

Jungkook presses the play button and the video starts. It was at the rehearsal of one of the US dates but Namjoon couldn’t remember which one. The video was taken from the seats, as if Jungkook himself was a fan filming at the concert. The music started and he started rapping.

Namjoon remembers feeling great that day and guesses everyone else sees it too. Although he didn’t think Jungkook would be one of the ones to notice it. But he should have known, he was always looking at him. Literally and metaphorically. Namjoon was Jungkook’s role model and he has made it his mission to remind him that in these past couple of months.

He felt the responsibility of being a good role model to him in his shoulders every day. But when Jungkook looks at him with his big doe eyes like he is the best thing that has happened in the world, Namjoon realizes that he couldn’t be doing so badly. He just has to take a look at him to realize the amazing adult that he helped to raise.

Namjoon will always be proud of him.

“I still don’t know how I’m gonna put this in the video”, Jungkook mumbles after a while, snapping Namjoon out of his thoughts only for him to realize that the video is over. Namjoon feels a little bad for missing almost everything, “but I will put it somewhere. The world deserves to watch this.” He nods solemnly.

Namjoon smiles shyly showing a little of his dimples and ruffles Jungkook’s hair. “Thank you.” Jungkook gives him a big bunny smile.

Before anyone san say anything else, the front door opens and a “We are home!” is heard, announcing the arrival of Taehyung. Shortly after he appears in the kitchen and behind him is Jimin, the other part of the ‘we’.

“Hello! Did you miss me?” Taehyung asks with a big boxy smile.

“Who are you again?” Yoongi teases going to check his curry.

Taehyung whines, “Hyung”.

Jimin passes by them, plopping down on the stool furthest from them and starts playing with the rings on his fingers. He looks tired and kinda sad and Namjoon doesn’t like that. He was in the exact same position just hours ago, he wouldn’t let one of his friends feel the same way he did if he could change it. So, leaving behind the bickering between Yoongi and Taehyung, he sits right beside Jimin. Their eyes meet and Namjoon can see how glassy they are.

“Is there something wrong, Jimin-ah?”

They lock eyes for a moment, doubt is in the eyes of the youngest, unsure of what to say.

“Can you hug me?” is what he chooses to say.

Namjoon is a bit taken back by the request, he isn’t the best with physical affection. But seeing Jimin so small and vulnerable, how can he say no? So he stands up and goes closer to him opening his arms. Without standing up, Jimin wraps his arms around his hyung's waist and burries his face in his chest. Namjoon hugs him back and starts patting his back softly.

Namjoon wasn’t going to lie, he feels kinda awkward. Used to use his words to comfort people more than his body, this is kinda new to him. But he made his purpose to be better with physical affection months ago and Jimin seems to like it so he continues anyway.

“Do you wanna tell me what happened?” he asks softly with his mouth on Jimin hair after a moment. Jimin hugs him harder. “It’s okay if you don’t wanna talk about it. Or talk with me about it.”

Jimin looks up quickly at Namjoon without letting him go. “It’s not that hyung”, he says rapidly, “It’s just... kinda dumb”, then hides his face again.

“It’s not dumb if it makes you feel bad,” Namjoon corrects him softly.

Before anyone can say anything else, Namjoon feels something behind him, “Are we doing a hyung sandwich?”, Taehyung asks with his chin on Namjoon’s shoulder. “Are you still sad Jimin-ah?” 

Both friends share a look that, even after all these years, Namjoon couldn’t read. They weren’t self-claimed soulmate for nothing after all.

“Do you want to talk with Taehyung instead?” Namjoon offers but both of them shake their heads.

“We already talked”, Tae says as they stop speaking with their eyes. “Some dude said something hurtful to Jimin”, Tae explains in a whisper so just the three of them could hear, “Fuck that guy”.

“Tae”, Jimin hisses, “don’t say that”.

“I stand by what I say”, Taehyung retorts firmly.

Jimin whines, “Hyung”, and separates from him. Namjoon holds one of his hands instead. “That’s not exactly what happened.”

“Then explain it to me please,” he gives him a little smile and a squeeze of his hand.

Jimin inhales and exhales loudly. “I went out with my friends today. And there was this guy I didn’t know but I didn’t mind, it was a friend of a friend so it was cool, you know?” Namjoon nods and notices how the rest were starting to get closer to him but Jimin didn’t seem to mind so he didn’t say anything. “And everything was good at first but then that guy start saying some stuff about us, the group” he gestures around the room to make it clear it was about them. “About how he didn’t understand why we were so popular, how this one wasn’t that talented or how the other one didn’t know how to sing. And obviously, I didn’t like that and called him out. But he called me dramatic and claimed that he was only joking but I know he wasn’t, I can tell. And he continues and some of my other friends told him to stop but others even laughed at that. And I was starting to get really mad at them so this dude told me that I was being annoying and that I should leave if I was going to be like that. So I left.”

Jimin finishes his story and everything goes silent for a minute. Everyone seems to be thinking of what to say or do.

Yoongi is the first to speak. “Fuck that guy”.

“That’s what I said!” Namjoon is startled by Tae’s scream so near his ear but doesn’t say anything.

“No- well, yeah” Jimin accepts at the end, “but I’m not worried about him. I honestly don’t wanna see him ever again, fuck that guy” there is anger in his voice but as fast as it came it left him again with a sad expression. “I’m worried about my friends. Some of them were so comfortable with what he says like it was something they thought themselves? And maybe they didn’t understand why I was getting mad and really thought he was joking but... I don’t know”, he sighs and looks at his hands.

Jin stands by his side and puts a hand on his back and rubs it, “They don’t need to understand your reasons, seeing you upset should be enough for them to not laugh or ask him to stop” and Yoongi nods.

“I’m sorry to tell you but you should reevaluate your friendship with some of them”, suggests Yoongi.

Everyone seems to agree with that. “I think the best is to talk to them. Maybe not right now but soon and see what you can do from there”.

Jimin looks around at his friends, still with a hint of sadness in his eyes. Tae couldn’t resist and leave Namjoon’s shoulder to go to back hug his best friend.

“You don’t have to worry Jiminie”, Taehyung says gently, “your true friends will always have your back so everything will be alright”.

“And we're always gonna be by your side so you have nothing to worry about”, Seokjin pats Jimin’s hair.

“We can always hang out together”, Jungkook adds with in a shy voice. Jimin looks at him for a second and a big smile spreads across his face making his eyes disappear.

“Thanks guys,” he says to all of them and then his smile changes to a teasing one, “although you are kinda lame so I don’t know if I want to be seen with y’all”.

Taehyung complains and before anyone can do nothing, he and Jungkook start tickling Jimin until he turns into a mess of giggles. The hyungs subtract themselves from the scene and let the maknaes be.

Jin leaves the kitchen to go who knows where so Namjoon stays with Yoongi who’s tasting his food.

“The food is ready”, the older announces. “Where the heck is Hobi?”

“I don’t know”, and Joon really didn’t know. When he spoke with him earlier, he didn’t ask where he was going.

“I’m gonna text him”, says Yoongi taking his phone off the counter.

As he’s looking at his hyung text away, he feels arms around him and a head snuggling in his neck. The blond messy mop of hair tells him who it is immediately.

“Are you feeling better Jimin-ah?” Namjoon asks patting his head.

Jimin looks at him, cheeks flustered and eyes shining with happiness now. “Yeah” and a smile spreads again.

“I’m glad”, Namjoon smiles and a tiny dimple appears.

Jimin hugs him harder, “Thank you hyung.”

“For what? I didn’t say anything”.

Jimin shakes his head and his hair tickles Namjoon’s neck. “You were the first to talk to me. Well, beside Tae but he doesn’t count”. Namjoon can swear he almost hears Tae complain somewhere in the house.

“It could have been anyone,” he debates.

“But it was you, so thank you. I really appreciate it. I really appreciate you” Jimin finishes with an eye smile.

Namjoon’s cheeks start feeling hot and suddenly he starts giggling behind his hand. He hears a soft “cute” from Jimin that doesn’t help him at all with his flustered self.

Namjoon loves Jimin a lot like he loves all his members. But there is something about him that makes him feel more attached to Jimin. Maybe it’s the cuteness in his face and his love for tiny things. Or maybe it’s because of his big heart. No matter how tiny his body could look, Jimin was one of the biggest persons he knew. So it wasn’t easy to see him looking that small and vulnerable.

Namjoon is used to being on the receiving end, always getting comfort in the form of words, touches, or just his presence. And it wasn’t like it was the first time he comforted him but it didn’t mean that it was easier to see him like that. But at least it makes him happy that Jimin can find comfort in him too.

“No problem”, he says in the end and both share a smile.

Yoongi makes his presence noticed, “Hoseokie says that he is in the elevator so he’s gonna be here at any moment”. As if he is listening, the front door opens. “There he is.”

A cheerful ‘Hobi hyung!’ is heard from the hallway and Namjoon was sure there was a kiss in Tae’s hair soon after. When Hoseok sees them entering the hallway, he yells “I have dessert!” as he pulls up a bag in the air. The youngest cheers loudly and he laughs happily.

“Yeah, yeah, but before we have to eat dinner so let’s get the table ready” Yoongi orders and everyone starts moving.

Ten minutes and a lot of laughs later, they’re sitting around the table with their plates of curry with rice and wine or beers to drink. Yoongi at one of the ends of the table; Jimin, Jin, and Jungkook at his right, Taehyung and Hobi at his left, and Namjoon right in front of him in the other end of the table.

“This is really good hyung,” says Taehyung with food in his mouth. Yoongi only hums while drinking his wine.

“I told you that you should cook more often, you are great hyung”.

Yoongi nods, “I am great”.

Jimin and Taehyung share a look across the table, speaking once again in silence.

“You didn’t do it alone, did you”, asks Jimin. Yoongi looks at him with a grin spreading on his face and sips his wine once again. “Hyung”, he whines.

“We wanted your food”, Tae complains.

Yoongi chuckles, “Don’t I always win?”

Jimin starts pouting. “We told you not to help him Jin-hyung”.

Seokjin frowns, “I didn’t help him”. The two friends glare at him with doubt, “I didn’t! Do these look like the hands of someone who did something today?” He shows both his hands to them with a flustered expression, earning a laugh from Hobi.

“Then who?” asks Jimin looking at Yoongi but he doesn’t look back at him, his eyes are on Namjoon on the other side of the table.

He feels the eyes on him when his spoon is halfway through his mouth so he looks up at his friends, “I think I helped a little? I didn’t know that I shouldn’t help Yoongi-hyung, sorry” he mumbles then puts the spoon in his mouth.

There is a moment of complete silence and Namjoon doesn’t understand it. Why is it such a big deal that someone helped his hyung? He should really read the messages in their group chat.

Hoseok breaks the silence. “Oh, Namjoon-ah,” he says with a teasing but warm smile, “are you venturing in the cooking world now?”.

Namjoon looks embarrassed by that, “It’s not like that, I just helped him with peeling the potatoes” he says and starts playing with one of them on his plate.

“And he cooked the rice by himself”, Jin adds. Namjoon wants to correct that he helped him but is interrupted.

“Oh Namjoon”, Hobi says once again and he can’t help but start blushing again.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to ruin your food guys,” Namjoon says to everyone but looking at the 95 liners. Both of them shake their heads quickly.

“It’s Joonie-hyung so it’s okay”, Tae answers like it’s the most obvious thing.

Namjoon looks at them in disbelief and before anyone says anything else, he starts laughing. Not shy laughter but loud that probably echo around the whole apartment. He can’t help himself, the situation is somehow unbelievable but it makes him feel so warm inside and the happiest that he’s been the whole weekend.

The rest of them look at him, without Namjoon knowing, with fondness in their eyes and smiles on their lips.

“What was that?” he asks when he stops laughing but the full dimples smile still lingers on his face.

“Yeah, what was that?” Jin says and tries to sound mad but the smile on his face gives him away. “Why with Joon it’s okay but with me, you do a fuss?”

“Because it’s Namjoon-hyung,” says Tae matter of fact.

“He is cute” adds Jimin shrugging and Namjoon smiles shyly blushing a little more.

Jin gasps, offended. “And I’m not? That’s it, you two are doing the dishes tonight”.

The two friends complain at his oldest hyung and gain the laughter of everyone present. Namjoon looks at all his friends with immensurable fondness in his eyes. It’s in moments like this when they are all together sharing food, drinking or simply talking that he feels that his love for all of them grows bigger. They’re his biggest supporters and closer than family at this point.

Namjoon is ready to give them the world if they ask him.

“I want to eat food prepared for you hyung”.

Jungkook’s voice brings him back out of his thoughts. His eyes are looking at him intensely.

“I can’t do much though” he respond softly, only for him to hear.

Jungkook shrugs. “I don’t mind”

“I can do ramen for you someday”, he jokes but Jungkook’s face brightens and nods with enthusiasm.

“I will like it.” He smiles and Namjoon can’t help but do the same.

The rest of the dinner continues happily. They talk about their day and what they did. How Jin managed to obtain some rare item on his game or how Tae saw a plushie in a  store that reminded him of Yoongi (everyone agrees after Taehyung shows them a picture, no matter how much Yoongi complains about it).

Dessert time comes and Hoseok puts the bag from earlier in the middle of their table and opens it. Fish-shaped bread greets him.

“Wow, amazing,” says Jungkook and goes to take one but Hoseok stops him.

“Joon-ah first,” he says and Jungkook retreats his hand.

Namjoon looks at his friend and it takes just a moment to understand what that means. Hobi bought it for him. Namjoon thanks him with his eyes and takes one with a napkin, but instead of eating it, he gives it to Jungkook who thanks him with a big smile and shiny eyes. Hoseok snorts but doesn’t say anything. He takes another one and starts eating and soon after everyone is eating one.

“This is good” Yoongi says through a mouthful, “it’s been long since the last time I ate one”.

Seokjin nods, “It’s not the same as eating the one from the store, this one is better.”

“Yeah, we saw a stand that sells it earlier but didn’t buy anything so we could eat Yoongi-hyung’s food, right?” says Tae and looks at Jimin before taking another bite.

“Oh? I thought you were with your other friends today” says Hoseok looking at him, “I was surprised when you asked hyung for food, I didn’t think you would be home early today.”

Jimin looks at a little awkward and keeps his eyes on his dessert, “Well... about that...”

It only takes one look at his roommate to understand his mood so before Jimin can answer him he says, “I’m glad you are here now Jiminie.” His voice is softer than usual.

Jimin looks up at his fellow dancer and smiles a little. Namjoon understands they are going to have a heartfelt conversation in their room later. His chest feels warm once again because of the presence of Hoseok in the group.

Suddenly, Tae’s eyes widen. “Oh, that reminds me. Namjoon hyung!” The latter turns to look at him, acknowledging Taehyung with a hum. “Today I saw there was a new exhibition in the Leuum Museum, I think it was a foreign artist, and it looked really cool so we're gonna go there tomorrow” he announces.

Namjoon looks at him and swallows his bread slowly, “We have work tomorrow”.

“So?”

Namjoon laughs at the carefree attitude of his friend.

“Oh”, Seokjin speaks sitting up straighter than before, “I think we should revise tomorrows schedule,” he says looking at Namjoon. Everyone grumbles but doesn’t say anything more.

“Yeah, we should”.

Namjoon leaves his food on the table and starts looking for his phone in his pockets. Then he remembers that it was in his room so he excuses himself and goes to retrieve it. Finding his phone takes him a couple of minutes since it was somewhere between his sheets. Namjoon sits on his bed and opens the messaging app, there’s a message from their manager but he decides to ignore it for now and open the Bangtan group chat.

There's the story behind the curry they ate. It all started because Jimin wanted to eat homemade food and Tae remembered how Yoongi cooked for them when they were filming Bon Voyage. The next messages were complaining about why it has to be him food from Yoongi, begging from Tae and Jungkook to do it and a couple of blackmailing from Jin. At some point, Yoongi calls Namjoon his favorite because he wasn’t bothering with that. Hobi told him that probably he was sleeping and that was the only reason he wasn’t bothering too. Namjoon laughs at that because it was true. It ended with Jimin's message of “see? he is tired so you have to feed Moni” and Yoongi accepting his fate.

His friends really warm his heart. Especially Jimin. Even though he was going through a not so good moment, he thought of him too. Jimin was too good for his own good.

Closing their group chat with a smile, he opens the one with his manager. There are two new messages.

“Tomorrow’s schedule is canceled.

Rest well”.

The surprise is clear on his face. He quickly sends a message asking why or if it was something wrong. Less than a minute later, he gets a reply.

“Nothing wrong. I was informed that you still haven’t fully recovered from touring so it’s better to delay your return to work. Use your day wisely and rest well. See you all on Tuesday”.

Namjoon blinks for a moment at the screen. He really didn’t expect that but he wasn’t going to complain either. So he thanks their manager and puts his phone on the hoodie pocket and returns to his friends.

Everyone stops talking when he comes back and looks expectedly at him.

“So”, he starts after sitting again, “tomorrow schedule is canceled”.

Everything stops for a second and then everyone is cheering loudly without even questioning. Well, almost everyone. The oldest continues eating his food silently. Namjoon is about to comment about it but Taehyung’ scream distracts him.

“I call dibs on Joonie hyung!”

Namjoon laughs behind his hand, “Sure, no problem”.

Taehyung gives him a big boxy smile, “We can go to the museum in the morning and then we can go to eat somewhere or we can go to see Tannie and...”

Yoongi interrupts him, “Okay Tae, calm down, you are getting too excited”. He only answers with a giggle.

The wine was definitely getting to his head.

“Sure Tae, whatever you want” Joon responds anyway and looks really happy about it.

“Are you sure about that Joon-ah?” Yoongi jokingly asks and Namjoon just shrugs and takes a sip of his beer.

Namjoon is really fond of Taehyung. There is innocence and pureness in him even after all these years that makes Namjoon want to protect him from the world. Somehow he manages to move in this cold world without losing the wonder in his eyes and that is something Namjoon really admires and wants to learn from him. So spending his free day with Taehyung is the perfect plan.

They stay there drinking and talking about everything under the sky. Around past midnight, they start getting tired so they leave one by one to their room. Except for Seokjin, who in the end, stays doing the dishes. Namjoon decides to stay with him and help.

Namjoon is drying a plate when he decides to speak, “Hyung, you spoke with Sejin hyung, right?” 

Jin almost drops the glass in his hand but nods, “Yeah, I did” and closes the water to face Namjoon. “Are you mad?”

Namjoon shrugs and Jin sighs. “I apologize for overstepping you as the leader but... you were so stressed earlier and then Jimin was too and I had to do something about it. But I should have spoken to you first. I did wrong and I’m really sorry about it,” he bowed a little to Namjoon.

Seokjin’s manners will always surprise him.

“Hyung no, I’m not mad,” Namjoon assures quickly, “I mean yeah, I think you should have talked with me about it but I’m glad that you spoke on our behalf. It makes me happy to know that you are always taking care of us. I really appreciate your presence in the group. For that and other stuff too”.

Maybe it is the alcohol inside him that makes him speak so freely but he doesn’t regret anything that he says.

Seokjin’s ears start getting red and a small smile appears on his face, but he doesn’t say anything and just turns around to finish doing the dishes.

“You know”, Jin speaks after a while, “you are very appreciated too. We see everything you do for us and it makes us very happy. So please let us do the same for you. As Yoongi said earlier, there are six of us that are ready to help you at any moment. If you have a problem with something, if something it’s bothering you, if you are angry or sad, we are here to listen to you. We are your friends, we are not here to be a burden to you so please rely on us more, alright?”

Jin looks over his shoulder and finds Namjoon with a pout on his lips and tears rolling down his face. The alcohol is definitely doing things to him.

Quickly, he closes the water again, dries his hands on his pants and goes to Namjoon.

“Why are you crying?” he asks with a nervous laugh.

“I’m not crying” he responds without even looking at him. Jin takes the glass he was drying and the kitchen towel and puts them on the counter so he can hug him easily.

“Oh, you big baby,” he says putting Namjoon’s head on his shoulder and patting him.

“I’m not a baby” Namjoon protests, but hugs him back.

Jin laughs softly, “Yes you are”.

They stay like that for a couple of minutes. Jin continues to caress his neck and softly sing a melody in his ear. Namjoon doesn’t recognize it but it doesn’t matter, it definitely makes him feel better.

“You should go to bed,” the oldest says after carefully drying the tears on his cheeks.

“But we aren't finished yet”.

Jin shakes his head. “I can finish this alone. You are tired and tomorrow you have a big day, Taehyungie won’t accept any excuses”.

Namjoon thinks about it for a moment but accepts it in the end. “Alright”

“Good. Go to sleep then”.

“Good night hyung,” says as he leaves the kitchen.

“Good night Namjoonie, sleep well” he hears before going to his room.

After brushing his teeth and putting on his pajama, someone knocks on his door. He says “come in” and the door opens revealing Hoseok with his pajama on too and a bag.

“Hey”, he greets him as if they weren’t together minutes ago and closes the door behind him.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Namjoon asks sitting on his bed.

“Oh, nothing, I just wanted to give you something.” Hoseok extends the bag to him.

Namjoon blinks a couple of times before taking it. “What? Why?”

Hobi shrugs and sits by his side on the bed, “For nothing in particular. Go on, open it”

Namjoon opens the bag and takes the box that was there. He can’t control the surprise expression on his face.

“Do you like it?” Hoseok asks with a smile.

In Namjoon’s hands was a wood KAWS figurine.

“Wh- Fo- But- Why?” was all that he could say in the end.

“And why not?” Hoseok answers half laughing.

“But- Hobi, if this is because you saw me sad earlier you didn’t-“ his friend interrupts him shaking his head.

“It wasn’t for that. I found this when we were on tour, I thought you would like it and it would look good on your studio so I ordered it. It was at my parents' house so I went today to pick it up. Do you like it?” he asks again.

Namjoon only nods because he feels if he speaks he’s going to cry again.

“I’m glad.” Hoseok puts an arm around his shoulders. “The bungeo-ppang was because you were sad though,” he admit and Namjoon chuckles. “But you seemed better when I came back.”

“Yeah, I feel better now”

Hobi nods, “I was really worried earlier, I didn’t want to leave you alone”.

“I can take care of myself, I’m not a kid”.

“True, you are not a kid. You are a baby”.

Namjoon whines, “First Jin hyung and now you too”

Hoseok laughs loudly and once again squeezes his cheeks, “Our giant baby Namjoonie”. He tries to look mad but it is obvious that he isn’t. Hobi frees his cheeks and stands up, “it’s time for our baby to go to sleep”.

Namjoon rolls his eyes but doesn’t complain, “go, go away” he jokes and his friend laughs.

“Good night Joonie,” Hobi says as he walks to the door.

“Hobi-ah” Namjoon calls when he has a hand on the doorknob and Hoseok looks back, “Are you going to speak with Jimin?” Hobi's expression turns a little more serious and nods. “Be kind to him” Namjoon asks and his friend gives him a small side smile.

“When haven’t I been?”

“Well...” he starts half-joking and Hoseok laughs a little.

“I will” he assured and Namjoon nods.

“And,” he says a little nervous, “Thanks” and rises his new figurine. 

His friend shrugs, “You would have done the same for me”. And he was right.

“Good night.” Hoseok leaves the room.

Namjoon stays sitting on the edge of his bed for a while looking at his new toy. He feels the tears in his eyes so he stands up and leaves it on the desk. He turns off the light and goes to bed with only a lamp on. He takes his phone and notices that he has new messages from Taehyung. It was a link for the exhibition that he was talking about with an “I'm excited for tomorrow!!!! sleep well! love you”.

He stares at the message for a minute until he finally answers him with a “love you too” and leaves his phone on the nightstand and turns off the lamp.

In the darkness, Namjoon start feeling overwhelmed once again but for different reasons. The tears start rolling again and he doesn’t even try to stop them, they weren’t sad tears anyway.

He feels so lucky. How he managed to be friends and bandmate with so many wonderful people? He probably saved a country in one of his past lifetimes, that has to be the only reason that he was so lucky to have them. Namjoon loves them so much that he doesn’t know what to do with those feelings. He feels like he didn’t tell them that enough. Namjoon just hopes that they know how much they mean to him.

He also feels really stupid. How could he doubt their love for him? He can see it, feel it every time they are together. And even when they weren’t together he was on their thoughts as much they were in his. Although he didn’t want to be so harsh with himself. Namjoon knows that his mind likes to play tricks on him and makes him doubt everything. He is glad that he has his friend to remember him that none of that was true.

In the middle of the night, Namjoon makes a promise to himself to show more. To show his appreciation, to show he trusts them, to show how much he loves them. He needs to. For him and for them.

Namjoon snuggles himself on his blankets and with a heart filled with love, he can finally rest.