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The one who started rap-tap-tapping on my downcast brow,
Kyoujurou awakes to the sensation of cold fingers smoothing along his brows, he cracks his eyes open, the chirping of birds and faint sunlight snuck into his room through thin doors. Kneeling beside his futon, he folded his blankets and tucked it into the cabinet on the side of the room, he slid the doors open to reveal their home's backyard, the short, trimmed grass glistened under the sunlight, pink, red flowers danced in the bushes as a breeze passed by, leaves rustle, tossing and turning on the ground of the garden, and out of Kyoujurou's view.
He straightens his back, putting his hands on his hips and inhaled deeply. Exhaling the tension, he feels more awake as he stares out at the garden, and the blue sky adorned with white clouds.
Was it you, I wonder? Am I wrong‚ I wonder?
He didn't wake up to the sensation of someone caressing him in his sleep.
There was a silhouette, pale skin with dark tattoos on his cheeks, gazing softly with moonlight reflecting off his smooth skin, and jerking his hand away when Kyoujurou stirs from his sleep.
He lets his wonders run free for a moment, letting himself slip through the boundaries and morals of a demon slayer, a Pillar, the heir of the Rengoku family.
He was just Kyoujurou at that moment, the Kyoujurou who lets himself fall into the affection of a demon over and over again.
When he steps out of this room, he was Rengoku Kyoujurou again, the honorable Flame Pillar from the Rengoku family.
I want to open my eyes‚ but I’m still scared.
He so wants to accept that he had become addicted to the demon's presence, his affection, his laughs, and his light touches on Kyoujurou's skin.
Yet, he was afraid to admit that he had fallen in love with the demon that had killed and devoured humans.
Yet, he longs for their blood-stained fingers to be intertwined. He longs for the soft pink locks rubbing against his shoulder, its colors similar to the Tsubaki blooming in his garden. He longs to share the tea made from the flower's leaves with him, who laughs so carefreely that allows them to forget who they were for a moment.
Sunset… somehow‚ it’s sad,
Kyoujurou observes the sunset as he returns from a mission, his uniform dirty with dust and splatters of blood, his Nichirin sword stilly by his side, hanging at his hip. His fingers were swelling, with a cut on his upper arm that was already treated by one of the villagers after his fight with a demon, he barely dodged the collapsing building while shielding a girl with his body when the demon emerged from between the walls.
Just one lone moment, he was Kyoujurou, wishing for a certain demon to appear in his room, sitting on his futon, with that stupid smirk that never failed to make his stomach jump.
To share small talks like friends, do certain gestures like lovers, to embrace each other like family, to share peace and quiet with each other, just as themselves, Kyoujurou and Akaza.
He doesn't know how much time they have left. He doesn't know how many nights they have left with each other. And he hates that he wishes Akaza could be here with him every night.
There was Akaza's name, his throat tightens and he swallows, his chest throbbed as he forces himself to quicken his pace.
Please, wait for me,
Akaza often tells Kyoujurou what he adores about him.
Kyoujurou was never honest, though.
Under his seemingly, perfect, flawless facade, was his desire to catch him in his arms, to fall further, to seek the fluttering feeling in his chest, to lean into him and press their lips together again and again.
The red tips of his blond hair were blown messy by the wind, red and passionate, he stands perfectly like the Tsubaki flower.
Because I’ll call for you lots and lots very soon…
But Kyoujurou knows, one day, perhaps in this life, or another.
He would call his name, he would be able to hold his hand openly, to finally feel warmth and blood running in the other's veins, maybe he would have a darker hair and tanned skin, maybe he would be taller than Kyoujurou, maybe he would wake up every morning next to him and he could pepper him with kisses.
Just maybe, they could stand together in the same bushes, and grow from the same root, and share the same dirt.
Stop saying things that seem so ordinary!
This night, Kyoujurou falls asleep alone.
The cicadas scream in the woods, the moon was less bright than last night. Kyoujurou's room was silent, alone and lacking someone's provoking voice, someone's playful nudges and Kyoujurou's reply in his annoyed tone with a hint of delight.
Then, someone was hidden among the branches in the night, landing with a barely audible thud in Kyoujurou's backyard, he walked around, observing the bloomed Tsubaki flowers before sitting on the engawa outside of Kyoujurou's room.
"Who's there?"
A sound from behind startled him, he whipped his head around, a silhouette was cast as moonlight was blocked from shining into the room. Kyoujurou was surely on the other side, speaking to him with just a paper-thin door between them.
"Just me," Akaza answered, a smile appeared on his lips, he so badly wanted to see Kyoujurou's face, but, there was something romantic about talking with a blockage between them even in such a close distance.
"Replying with such informality, just how used to are you to visiting a Pillar?" Kyoujurou continued, his tone neutral as he shifts behind the door -judging from the shuffling of clothes that Akaza heard.
Akaza chuckles at that, pulling his leg to his chest, he pushes himself farther into the engawa, his back almost touching the door.
"Like how used to I am to seeing you every night."
After all‚ I just want your true feelings.
Kyoujurou suppresses a sigh, he feels light-headed, his ears burning and his cheeks turning warmer.
"Why didn't you come to see me last night?"
Kyoujurou wanted to ask, but he wouldn't let his curiosity get the better of him. He simply looks at how his shadow was stretched across the room, dust particles float in the moonbeam, and he traced his fingers over Akaza's shadow on the tatami floor.
"Kyoujurou?"
Kyoujurou's breath was caught in his throat, he composed himself, before squeezing out a quiet reply.
"What?"
"The flowers in your garden," there was a pause, before Akaza started again, "They look really pretty."
"You like flowers?" Kyoujurou asked, amusement in his voice, almost teasingly.
"Only the flowers planted by you."
Kyoujurou scoffs, Akaza says things like these so easily, he wonders if it means anything to him at all.
But a part of him likes to believe that he did mean each compliment he gave Kyoujurou.
You say I’m still just a child, right?
"Tsubaki," Kyoujurou breathes its name, he closes his fingers, before releasing them again, stretching out the tension and observing the swelling. "It's called Tsubaki."
"Tsubaki," Akaza echoed, his fingers drumming the wooden floor beneath him. "Got any meaning to it?"
Kyoujurou freezes at that, debating whether to lie or be honest.
"It means love," Kyoujurou can't believe how he worded it, it sounds so foreign to him, he rarely said anything related to 'love', due to his lack of interest to have a partner.
That is, until Akaza's strange visits at night started a few days after Kyoujurou survived their fight.
Kyoujurou was still bound to bed at that time, he definitely felt threatened when Akaza stood before him, but night after night, there was a strange connection between them, and it continued even after Kyoujurou recovered.
I know that! I want to change, though.
Kyoujurou's face burns with embarrassment when Akaza's laughter rang, he sounded like he wanted to say something, but he keeps choking on his laughter.
"Sorry, sorry," Akaza clears his throat, before letting out a few chuckles again. "It's just, you sound so cute when you say it."
"I'm a grown man, Akaza," Kyoujurou crosses his arms, an attempt to calm his rapid heartbeat by trying to drown it in annoyment.
"No crime for being cute," he says, crossing his legs to sit more comfortably.
"Anyway, why do you plant them, Kyoujurou? Didn't know you have an interest like this."
Please teach me, softly, softly…
"I appreciate the nature's gifts," he turns his head, glancing at Akaza's silhouette on the transparent sheets between the squared-frames of the door.
"Its leaves make good tea," Kyoujurou muttered, reminiscing the night where Akaza and he sat in his room, bathing in moonlight. With the doors left open, cool night breeze filled the room as ripples formed in their tea.
They sat side by side, finding odd comfort in each other's presence.
"Like the one we had last week?" Akaza hangs his head, sitting closer, enjoying listening to Kyoujurou's voice, quiet, but strong, he still remembers the fragrance of the tea, and the slight flush on Kyoujurou's face as he offered him the drink.
"You-" Kyoujurou cut himself off, he swallowed before continuing in a much, much smaller voice. "You remember?"
"Of course I do," Akaza was puzzled, before he changed his position, one hand pressing down on the wooden surface, turning to face the door, he kneeled right behind Kyoujurou's shadows.
"You didn't think I'd remember?"
Turn the key to a new world,
"No, I mean," Kyoujurou sits straight up, his heart thumped furiously, his brows furrowed as he stared at the wall of the other side of his room. "Yeah.."
"I didn't think our meetings would mean anything to you."
There was a moment of silence, and Kyoujurou felt despair looming over him.
Akaza would probably leave, hearing something like this from him. They probably won't see each other again. Not on the day he dies, not on the day Akaza turns into dust.
The air falls into dead silence, Kyoujurou waited for the creaking of the wood, the insects cried, he listened to his breathing, his pulse was loud in his ears, and he almost believed that he could hear Akaza breathing behind him.
I want to hug you from behind, or something like that.
The door slid open, letting out a rough thump as it hit the wall, the room became brighter in an instant, Kyoujurou could barely register what happened before he felt a pair of cold arms wrapping around him.
His eyes were wide as he froze in place, Akaza's breath against the back of his head sent shivers down his spine, his hands clenched into fists as he bit on his bottom lip.
"This means more than anything to me," Akaza whispered, his chin brushing Kyoujurou's shoulder, he could feel how Kyoujurou trembles and the goosebumps rising on Kyoujurou's skin.
Kyoujurou was warm, and it was even warmer when all of his blood rushes to his face like that.
He leans against him, his chin fully resting on Kyoujurou's shoulder with his arms now around his waist, his toes pointing in the same direction as Kyoujurou's.
I know I’m just a bit immature.
"I'm relieved, then," a smile tugs at Kyoujurou's, "That was immature of me, to say my thoughts out loud."
"Hm? Perhaps you are getting attached?" Akaza smirks, before Kyoujurou can shove him away, he tightened his embrace, nuzzling into Kyoujurou's blond hair. "That's good, I'm glad I'm not the only one."
Kyoujurou sighs, yet he can't help but smile, and leans into Akaza's hug. He raises a hand to caress Akaza's face, his skin was cold, but Kyoujurou didn't mind.
Under the same sky, in the same room. The flowers stand in the distance, glinting.
At least in this life, they could wither away and rot in the same earth together.