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“Why are you like this Claude?” Hilda asked, staring at his back. They were in the library, Claude was flipping through tomes of history books while she sat in the nearby desk, her cheek resting upon the cool surface. Being here bore her half to death, only coming when on duty, but even then she always managed to escape. Which is why she tagged along in the first place, it was the perfect hiding spot away from the newest professor. She had a lot to think about before accepting their request.
“You are gonna have to be more specific on that Hilda. I’m “ Like” a lot of things, tactful, brave and might I add dashingly handsome” He didn't turn to face her, engrossed in the book he held but she knew he winked when adding the last part. She huffed and turned flipping to look at the other side. Linhardt was quietly snoozing upon some notes not so far away.
“You just seem, oh I don’t know...distant” She felt his gaze on her, focused on the back of bubblegum pink hair. But she kept looking at Linhardt, and the way his back rose and fell with each sleepy breath.
“I’m not sure what you mean” She didn't even know what she meant when she said that, but she knew it was true. It was what made her even consider joining the Professor's house.
“It feels like we aren’t close ya know. Like Dimitri and Dedue or fuck even like Edelgard and Hubert”
“I’m still not following. Hilda you are my closest friend. Which is why I choose you to be my companion in all of my schemes” his tone was playful and serious knowing he was half telling the truth. “I’m a little insulted that you would think otherwise” Her eyebrows knitted together changing her position to rest on her arms, but still refusing to look at him, watching as a pencil dropped from Linhardt’s desk, the tip shattering on impact.
“It’s just not that Claude. It's so much more than that. What they have is such a close bond. And not just with each other, but their whole house as well. Claude you are there but you never are. You watch us all so closely but keep your distance from all of us, like if you were studying us and-” Caspar entered the library and she realized how loud she had been talking. She watched as he shook Linhardt awake glad that he didn’t bother looking in their direction, focusing only on the green boy who did not stir. She knew Claude returned to his book, the pages flipping rapidly to make it look like he was reading. Soon the boy gave up trying to wake him, opting instead to carry him out, it was almost comical with their height differences. She closed her eyes and turned to face Claude once more, hearing the soft click of the door as she did so. Claude was back to fully reading the book no longer pretending, but she wasn’t going to let the conversation end there.
“You just seem paranoid. Even with your laid back attitude. It's almost as if you don’t see us as allies” The slam of the book closing startled her, forcing her to sit upright in her chair. He didn’t say anything but quietly grabbed another book from the shelf opening it to the first page.
“I can tell you don’t completely trust us and I don’t understand why. I see how close the other leaders are to their seconds , if that's what we are, and I just don’t feel that between us, they would stay by each other's side to the very end. And we-” Claude turned to her, a mischievous gleam in his eye.
"I'm sorry Hilda, I still don't understand where you are coming from. I was under the impression that you didn't want to die for anyone"
"I don't want to. You know I've never seen the point of it really. To die for someone. But it's a nice thought you know. Besides it's not like we are in a position where we would have to. I just need to understand why you are so paranoid" Claude looked out beyond her and smiled. It wasn't a smile that reached his eyes but she still wanted to see what he was looking at. What could he be seeing that she couldn't, that he wasn’t letting her see.
"I heard you were invited to Join Teach's class"
"How do you know that." She said a bit alarmed and irritated but still maintained her cool.
"Oh they aren't exactly discreet over the fact that they have been trying to recruit members of the Golden Deer House. Even Lysithea got an invite," He playfully chuckled with winked but she knew him too well to know the hurt that lies underneath. "But if you want to leave that's not entirely my. If it were up to me I would have you remain by my side. But we both know that's not going to happen is it?" He had read right through her. Before even she realized it herself he knew she already made a choice. She was going to leave. They both knew there was nothing he could say to convince her otherwise. If anything she was trying to find reasons herself but he wouldn't give it to her, why didn't he give it to her? Did he truly never see her as a friend at all? Has their bond all been a sham of hospitality all along? There wasn't anything for her to lose here. At least not anymore.
"No, you're right. I guess I was trying to find a deeper meaning to this decision. It felt like a life or death decision. But it truly is just a class in the end. I'll see you around Claude" She got up and left, still feeling his intense gaze and the way it burned her. This was the end of their friendship. They will never speak as friends ever again, she knows some of the Golden Deer would, just not him. Any hope she had for Claude to see her as an ally was gone. He will see her as competition. And it hurt. It hurt her so much to lose her best friend, even if it was one-sided all along. This wasn't just school to him. It wasn't just simple learning to him, but a real battle for the future. To learn who to keep by his side and who not to.
She won't think about this when she finds the professor.
She won’t think of this when Lysithea joins her but a few days later.
She won’t remember this when she shares long nights with her new members, growing closer to them.
She won’t even hear a whisper of this while she mourns the death of her professor alongside her companions, as their leader falls to despair.
It would all be forgotten as a war starts.
As she joins her fellow classmates she had grown so close to.
And even when the professor shows up. Ready to join the battle alongside them. A new flame ignited within her.
She would only remember as her eyes fell to darkness. A blue haired maiden crying out in despair above her knowing she can’t do anything about the arrow lodged deep in her lover’s chest. A blurry yellow figure walking away from her. Leaving her wondering if she did the right thing all those years ago.