Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Moderator LuckyCharm reopened channel <The Official Ace Ops Communications Channel>

User DoverT logged in

DoverT: are we really doing this again

LuckyCharm: we do need an effective way to communicate with our new allies

DoverT: and??? We can’t??? Just talk to each other why???

LuckyCharm: a private communications channel will give us a way to contact everyone at once. the general has agreed

DoverT: does he not remember why this channel was closed in the first place

LuckyCharm: he agreed, so apparently not

LuckyCharm: just to be safe I’ll rename this before we invite anyone new

DoverT: you mean that guy with the cape and the five o’clock shadow

LuckyCharm: as a matter of fact yes, I do mean Qrow

DoverT: you’re on a first name basis??? Goddamn

LuckyCharm: very funny, harriet, I’ll have you know he was quite adamant about not being called huntsman branwen

User Vine logged in

Vine: We’re doing this again.

DoverT: we’re doing this again

LuckyCharm: it can’t possibly be that bad

Vine:

Vine: Yes, yes it can.

LuckyCharm: ...you know. I was about to say ‘what’s the worst that could happen’

LuckyCharm: but at this point I think I’m just going to finish setting this up before anyone else logs on

User goodestboy logged on

Moderator LuckyCharm renamed channel to <Communications Channel>

goodestboy: we’re doing WHAT :O

LuckyCharm: reestablishing a communications channel in order to better communicate with our new allies from vale

goodestboy: oh you want to flirt, why didn’t you say so :)

LuckyCharm: are you actually kidding me

goodestboy: nope :)

LuckyCharm: marrow

User HAMMERTIME logged on

HAMMERTIME: oh PLEASE its not like youre at all subtle

DoverT: yeahhhh…

Vine: With all due respect, Clover, you’re gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide.

LuckyCharm: I hate you all

Vine:

LuckyCharm: vine

LuckyCharm: I am going to add them to this channel now

LuckyCharm: the general expects you all to be at least relatively mature

LuckyCharm: please don’t be the reason this gets shut down a second time

DoverT: look who’s talking

LuckyCharm: mistakes were made, they will not be made again

<Private message from HAMMERTIME to Vine>

HAMMERTIME: i give it a week

<Private message from Vine to HAMMERTIME>

Vine: Perhaps not. He seems determined.

HAMMERTIME: determined to get some DICK

goodestboy: elm that wasn’t on private :)

HAMMERTIME: FUCK

goodestboy: :P

LuckyCharm: I’m going to choose to ignore that

Chapter Text

Moderator LuckyCharm added imthebirdguy , PENNYV2 , I_Am_Winter , nyoompetals , SchneezyPeasy , shadowstrike , PUNches , sword_n_shield , noraYES , ospine , and RenTheNinja to <Communications Channel>

LuckyCharm: okay I think that’s everyone

LuckyCharm: @everyone this is the official communications channel for operations regarding the amity tower project. updates coming soon

User ospine logged in

ospine: i uh

ospine: i think u forgot general ironwood

LuckyCharm: he should already have access to this channel, but thank you for checking

ospine: also am i supposed to b in here

ospine: like im not complainin i just wanna know if i need to lurk to stay in here or not

goodestboy: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

LuckyCharm: ah, you’re oscar. you should be fine.

ospine: k cool

ospine: ill just be here then

DoverT: yo where is everyone new??

ospine: uh rwby jnr and qrow are gettin briefed by the general

ospine: idk where or who those other two are

PENNYV2: Winter and I are also being briefed by General Ironwood. :)

ospine: wait were you in here the whole time

LuckyCharm: no?

PENNYV2: Perks of being a robot! :D

PENNYV2: I’m never offline!

PENNYV2: I don’t even need a scroll!

HAMMERTIME: LUCKY

PENNYV2: ???

Vine: It has been nine days since the last time Elm broke her scroll.

Vine: If I’m being completely honest, that’s a record.

HAMMERTIME: LISTEN YOU FUCKER

HAMMERTIME: AT LEAST I DIDNT ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT THE GENERALS STRESS BEARD TO THE MAN HIMSELF

Vine: We don’t talk about that.

HAMMERTIME: THEN DONT TALK ABOUT MY SCRO

PENNYV2: ????????

goodestboy: hang on i’ll go find her :>

goodestboy: oh :<

goodestboy: update the count, 0 days since the last time elm broke her scroll

Vine: F.

goodestboy: f

LuckyCharm: f

DoverT: F

ospine: f

<Private message from PENNYV2 to ospine >

PENNYV2: Salutations, Oscar! Do you have any idea what they mean by the letter F?

<Private message from ospine to PENNYV2 >

ospine: gonna b honest w u

ospine: no

<Private message from PENNYV2 to ospine >

PENNYV2: Oh, okay! I believe I understand!

PENNYV2: It’s the suffocating pressure to conform to societal norms!

<Private message from ospine to PENNYV2 >

ospine: um

ospine: sure

PENNYV2: F!

Vine:

goodestboy: elm’s reading over my shoulder

goodestboy: she’s telling you to shove it vine

Vine: Tell her where she can shove it.

goodestboy: i can’t she tried to grab my scroll and i ran

DoverT: probably the smart thing to do, we don’t need two broken scrolls in the span of a few minutes

LuckyCharm: agreed

LuckyCharm: anyway, @PENNYV2 do you have any idea how long this meeting will be?

PENNYV2: Nope!

PENNYV2: The general does seem to be winding down though if that counts for anything!

ospine: does that count for anythin

PENNYV2: Nope!

Chapter Text

PENNYV2: The meeting is over!

User I_Am_Winter logged in

I_Am_Winter: What is this?

PENNYV2: Comms channel!

I_Am_Winter: That, I know.

I_Am_Winter: Did General Ironwood forget about what happened the last time there was a private Ace Operative channel?

LuckyCharm: honestly? probably

LuckyCharm: lucky me

I_Am_Winter: Indeed.

User nyoompetals logged in

User SchneezyPeasy logged in

User shadowstrike logged in

User PUNches logged in

nyoompetals: team rwby is HERE, penny! :D

PENNYV2: I am very excited to have you here!

SchneezyPeasy: out of curiosity, what is here?

PENNYV2: Amity Tower group chat!

LuckyCharm: secure communications channel for the purpose of organizing the amity project.

PENNYV2: Amity Tower group chat!

PUNches: niiiice

shadowstrike: This sounds like it’ll be about as chaotic as the last group chat I was in

shadowstrike: I can’t wait

I_Am_Winter: Weiss.

SchneezyPeasy: uh

SchneezyPeasy: hello Winter

I_Am_Winter: I would like to know the thought process behind your username.

SchneezyPeasy: Ruby

PUNches: ruby

Shadowstrike: Ruby

nyoompetals: thaaaat would be me :D

I_Am_Winter: Fair enough.

PENNYV2: Incoming!

User sword_n_shield logged in

User noraYES logged in

User RenTheNinja logged in

noraYES: GROUPCHAT TIME GROUPCHAT TIME

sword_n_shield: GROUPCHAT TIME GROUPCHAT TIME

RenTheNinja: Yessss.

PENNYV2: Salutations, everyone!

LuckyCharm: that’s not everyone yet

nyoompetals: YEAH WE’RE MISSING UNCLE QROWWWW D:

nyoompetals: @imthebirdguy @imthebirdguy @imthebirdguy

PUNches: @imthebirdguy @imthebirdguy @imthebirdguy

LuckyCharm: @imthebirdguy

User imthebirdguy logged in

nyoompetals: UNCLE QROW!!! :D

imthebirdguy: hi what the fuck

LuckyCharm: that’s everyone! hello, Qrow

imthebirdguy: hi

LuckyCharm: so: now that we have everyone here, get some rest. our first mission regarding the amity project will take place tomorrow morning. further instructions then, I’m tired

imthebirdguy: i was already asleep

LuckyCharm: oh my gods I’m so sorry

imthebirdguy: its fine haha its not like i would be sleeping well anyway

imthebirdguy: wow i killed the chat huh

LuckyCharm: do you need a hug?

imthebirdguy: nah

LuckyCharm: do you want a hug?

imthebirdguy: not answering that

nyoompetals: my dear uncle qrow.

nyoompetals: yang and i are coming to hug you and there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to stop us!!

imthebirdguy: ok

LuckyCharm: does anyone need anything else before I sign off for the night

goodestboy: uh yeah ^^;

goodestboy: elm’s scroll is still broken remember :(

LuckyCharm: right. I’ll go find her. 

goodestboy: third floor ace ops lounge :)

LuckyCharm: you used your semblance to get away from her didn’t you

goodestboy: maybe :)

Chapter Text

LuckyCharm: so if you give someone food, you’re feeding them. right?

nyoompetals: if you give someone food youre just a nice person! or their mom

RenTheNinja: Yes. The answer is yes, Ruby.

nyoompetals: that too i guess

imthebirdguy: ???

DoverT: oh my fucking god Clover I thought this died with the last communications channel.

nyoompetals: you thought what died with the last one??? :o

DoverT: Clover’s goddamn shower thoughts. except they always occur mid-mission while the rest of us are trying to focus

LuckyCharm: if you give someone water why isn’t it called watering them

imthebirdguy: what the fuck

LuckyCharm: you’re literally right next to me I heard you chuckle

imthebirdguy: i did no such thing fuck you

LuckyCharm: you’re smiling

imthebirdguy: absolutely not

LuckyCharm: :)

imthebirdguy: >:(

goodestboy: yo clover i really hate to break up your flirting attempts ;)

goodestboy: but we do have a mission to do and i think the geist went your way :)

LuckyCharm: attempts?

imthebirdguy: uh flirting

imthebirdguy: what

goodestboy: i said what I said :)

LuckyCharm: anyway I don’t need to focus, I have luck on my

goodestboy: side

goodestboy: ?

goodestboy: :( welp

imthebirdguy: can i get a new group my partner is a reckless dumbass

LuckyCharm: nope, you’re stuck with me

imthebirdguy: is this because of my semblance

imthebirdguy: you think that its better to keep one person at risk than the rest of your team huh

imthebirdguy: and your fucking username is this some kind of joke

LuckyCharm: what??? I promise you this has absolutely nothing to do with your semblance. I certainly didn’t know what it was

imthebirdguy: then why make us a group of two

LuckyCharm: I’ve had my username since I found out what my semblance was, Qrow. you don’t have to worry about me :)

imthebirdguy: i figured that out

imthebirdguy: you still havent answered my fucking question

imthebirdguy: why pair us up

LuckyCharm: because… it’s kind of complicated actually

goodestboy: it’s really not

LuckyCharm: MARROW I WILL PUT YOU ON CLEANUP DUTY FOR A MONTH SO HELP ME

goodestboy: you wouldn’t :(

LuckyCharm: I would and will

imthebirdguy: whatever its fine i know when im being lied to

LuckyCharm: Qrow

LuckyCharm: Qrow we are literally walking right next to each other. You’re like two feet away from me

LuckyCharm: Qrow stop ignoring me

imthebirdguy: not until i get a fucking answer

LuckyCharm: fine. I think you and I are the most capable of our respective groups, and therefore all the groups are roughly equal in strength.

imthebirdguy: i

imthebirdguy: what even

imthebirdguy: how fucking capable do you think you are

LuckyCharm: no more than you :)

nyoompetals: GUYS WE FOUND THE GEIST GET OVER HERE

Chapter Text

HAMMERTIME: CLOVERS ASLEEP SEND MEMES

Vine:

nyoompetals: does clover not like memes???

DoverT: not when they’re about him being a gay pining disaster

nyoompetals: mood

PENNYV2: ???

SchneezyPeasy: Ruby you like memes

nyoompetals: the gay pining disaster part not the not liking memes part!

SchneezyPeasy: wait, you’re gay? and pining?? who for???

nyoompetals: um nobody important

PENNYV2: Ruby! What do you mean by “mood”?

nyoompetals: right, the internet’s down still :(

nyoompetals: it’s something you say when you agree with something

PENNYV2: Oh! Alright!

PENNYV2: So if I were also to be gay and pining, I would say “oh mood”?

nyoompetals: ye!

SchneezyPeasy: oh my gods Ruby that’s adorable haha

SchneezyPeasy: guess I hoped you were pining for someone else tho

nyoompetals: ????????

PENNYV2: Mood.

SchneezyPeasy: never mind, it’s not important.

Vine:

SchneezyPeasy: I hate you.

Vine: Understandable.

DoverT: ok but are we SURE Clover’s asleep

HAMMERTIME: marrow said he was

goodestboy: ye, he’s asleep :D

HAMMERTIME: PERFECT

HAMMERTIME: and that other guy

PUNches: are you talking about uncle qrow

HAMMERTIME: yeah him

goodestboy: unfortunately he is also asleep :(

Vine:

PUNches: OH MY GODS IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES IT

HAMMERTIME: THANK YOU

HAMMERTIME: what was your name again

PUNches: YANG XIAO LONG, HERE TO KICK ASS AND PICK UP PRETTY GIRLS

PUNches: AND I’M ALL OUT OF ASS (JUST KIDDING MY ASS IS GREAT)

HAMMERTIME: FUCK YEAH

HAMMERTIME: BUT PLEASE ITS SO FUCKING OBVIOUS UGHHHH

Vine: It’s so obvious it’s sad.

goodestboy: either your uncle is the straightest huntsman to ever huntsman or he’s somehow just that thick

PUNches: oh please nobody in my family has ever been straight

PUNches: been a lot of bi shit going on tho

PUNches: but me n my lil sis? GIRLS

nyoompetals: GIRLS

PENNYV2: Mood!

Vine:

HAMMERTIME: HEY WHY AM I NOT IN THERE

Vine:

PENNYV2: I too would like to be in there! Girls are very pretty!

nyoompetals: you like girls???

PENNYV2: Yes! I happen to like girls very much!

Vine:

SchneezyPeasy: add me too

Vine:

Vine: There are too many of you.

Vine: You’re simply too powerful.

PUNches: HELL YEAH

noraYES: YOOOOOO WHAT UP 

PUNches: HEY NORA WHAT’S UP

noraYES: Ren and Jaune wanted me to send you this pic

RenTheNinja: You begged Jaune to send you the picture before he passed out so you could send it to the chat.

noraYES: CLOSE ENOUGH

noraYES: ANYWAY THIS IS PEAK MEME MATERIAL

noraYES:

goodestboy: :OOO

nyoompetals: NORAAAAA

PENNYV2: When did you obtain this picture? And how, might I add?

noraYES: ask Jaune when he wakes up

RenTheNinja: He is likely not waking up anytime soon.

noraYES: Ren?

RenTheNinja: Yes, Nora?

noraYES: you’re making it look like we murdered him or something :(

RenTheNinja: Ah. Yes. We didn’t do that.

nyoompetals: thats what they all say

nyoompetals: actually tho is he ok :(

noraYES: nah he ate too much cake, got indigestion, and now he’s looking at his huntsman license and crying

Vine:

Chapter Text

LuckyCharm: good morning, everyone!

Vine:

LuckyCharm: I’m not sure whether I should be concerned about how you got that picture or impressed that you already made it into a meme

Vine: How about impressed?

LuckyCharm: fine

LuckyCharm: actually though, how did you get that picture?

LuckyCharm: you were on the other side of the mine at the time

Vine: A good memer never reveals his secrets.

nyoompetals: you sir, are a LEGEND

Vine: ...thank you?

nyoompetals: TEACH MEEEE

Vine: Again: a good memer never reveals his secrets.

nyoompetals: fair enough :(

goodestboy: I’ve been trying for ages, good luck :(

LuckyCharm: morning, marrow

goodestboy: morning! :>

PENNYV2: Good morning, everybody!

nyoompetals: hi Penny!!!

SchneezyPeasy: you need to sleep???

PENNYV2: Of course not! It is, however, quite awkward to be the first person in the communications channel. Additionally, I doubt anyone would appreciate being woken up via notifications again.

LuckyCharm: thank you very much penny

PENNYV2: You are very welcome, sir!

LuckyCharm: anyway. it’s mission time. I’ll need some of you for the Amity Project, but I’ll wait on mission assignments until everyone is awake. meet in the common room in an hour.

nyoompetals: @imthebirdguy UNCLE QROW WAKE UP

imthebirdguy: hjgkdshfajksdhfaksdjhfj

nyoompetals: MORNING!!! :D

imthebirdguy: morning to you too im going back to bed if nobody needs me

LuckyCharm: everyone, common room, hour. good morning, Qrow

imthebirdguy: uh morning

imthebirdguy: ruby i can get ready in less than an hour

nyoompetals: fine when do you want me to wake you up???

imthebirdguy: uhhhh

imthebirdguy: five minutes

nyoompetals: five minutes left or five minutes from now

imthebirdguy: five minutes left

nyoompetals: ten minutes or im weaponizing clover

LuckyCharm: uh what

nyoompetals: see???

imthebirdguy: five minutes

imthebirdguy: ruby i love you but let me sleep i am literally begging you

nyoompetals: fiiiine

nyoompetals: uncle qrow youre a great person and we love you a lot

LuckyCharm: I think he went back to sleep

nyoompetals: yeah that was to check :)

nyoompetals: weissy is getting the bees and im on my way to reconvene rnjr

LuckyCharm: ...bees? RNJR?

nyoompetals: bees are blake and yang

nyoompetals: blakes color is black yangs color is yellow bumblebees are yellow and black and their team attack is bumblebee so: theyre the bees!!!

LuckyCharm: ah

LuckyCharm: makes sense

LuckyCharm: RNJR?

nyoompetals: temporary team! after beacon fell my teammates were all… gone in one way or another

nyoompetals: so i hit up my other friends and got jaune ren and nora

nyoompetals: we were team rnjr!

noraYES: JNRR!

RenTheNinja: RNJR. JNRR isn’t a color.

noraYES: WELL NEITHER IS RANGER, REN!!!

LuckyCharm: ...technically ranger green is a shade of a color?

nyoompetals: lol i think you broke nora

LuckyCharm: oh dear

nyoompetals: dw about it rens got this and jaunes still waking up

nyoompetals: now while i have you alone

nyoompetals: clover ebi.

LuckyCharm: why do I have a bad feeling about this

nyoompetals: what are your intentions with my uncle qrow.

LuckyCharm: what

nyoompetals: you heard me.

PUNches: @nyoompetals @SchneezyPeasy WHAT THE FUCK YOU TWO

nyoompetals: what???

SchneezyPeasy: she said she wasn’t getting up. I made sure she’d get up

shadowstrike: That is uhhhh

shadowstrike: One way of putting it

SchneezyPeasy: it worked, didn’t it???

shadowstrike: Weiss with all due respect, I think you should run

PUNches: WEISS FUCKING SCHNEE YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT BEFORE YOU FUCKED WITH MY HAIR

nyoompetals: oh no

nyoompetals: clover were continuing this later

nyoompetals: i gotta save weiss

Chapter Text

sword_n_shield: I uhhh think I understand why I got forced into crossing guard duty.

sword_n_shield: whoever was forced into this before me I do NOT envy you but also I would really like some tips on how to deal with moms thirstier than the vacuan desert.

noraYES: it’s the hair J

sword_n_shield: yes I know my hair is amazing what about it.

noraYES: oh no it’s shit you look like a banana :(

sword_n_shield: nora no

noraYES: NORA YES!!!

RenTheNinja: Nora yes.

sword_n_shield: OH COME ON NOT YOU TOO!!!

RenTheNinja: Yes, me too.

ospine: ig u need to grow it out

ospine: the baes have spoken

sword_n_shield: you know what? ok

sword_n_shield: but if we’re being public about this then ren, nora, we’re adopting our son officially

RenTheNinja: I have absolutely no issue with this.

noraYES: YESSSSSSSSS

ospine: nice

sword_n_shield: you’re officially our son now oscar

ospine: :D

ospine: in that case you are now

ospine: lightning mom

ospine: ninja dad

ospine: and banana dad

sword_n_shield: HEY

noraYES: pFFFFFF

ospine: get a better haircut and u get a better name

sword_n_shield: >:(

ospine: >:)

LuckyCharm: Qrow and I are back from our mission, anyone else?

noraYES: we are and JAUNE IS!

ospine: ive been adopted

ospine: OFFICIALLY :D

LuckyCharm: nice! who by?

ospine: banana dad n ninja dad n lightning mom!

noraYES: he is our smol pine tree son and we love him very much

LuckyCharm: congratulations!

LuckyCharm: by the way, read up, it was marrow

sword_n_shield: I FUCKING KNEW IT

noraYES: DAMMIT

sword_n_shield: YOU OWE ME TWENTY LIEN NORA

RenTheNinja: Where’s Uncle Qrow?

LuckyCharm: taking a shower

sword_n_shield: ooooooooooo

noraYES: the plot thickens!!!

LuckyCharm: hey, nothing like that!

ospine: hmm

LuckyCharm: I mean it! we were chasing down some sabyrs in the sewers, on our way back, a leaky pipe burst. Qrow pushed me out of the way and got covered in sewage.

noraYES: EW

ospine: you did ask

noraYES: STILL

RenTheNinja: So, no funny business was happening.

LuckyCharm: absolutely not! not that it would be any of your business if it was

ospine: so u havent gotten into uncle qs pants yet

LuckyCharm: if this is a roundabout method of giving me the talk just go ahead with it

noraYES: awesome! tl;dr you hurt him we break your legs

RenTheNinja: We can and will.

sword_n_shield: we have a ninja

noraYES: we DO have a ninja!

LuckyCharm: believe me the last thing I want to do is hurt him

LuckyCharm: and he is very pretty! and he’s a great fighter and he’s a lot nicer than he pretends to be, and honestly at this point I’ll be happy if I get him to take a compliment

ospine: tbh if u can well all be impressed

RenTheNinja: Might not stop the leg-breaking, however.

LuckyCharm: noted. but if I hurt him I think he’ll be able to beat you to that

Chapter Text

imthebirdguy: HEY WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT

nyoompetals: I DUNNO

nyoompetals: IT WAS LOUD

PENNYV2: I promise it was not me.

SchneezyPeasy: are you sure about that

PENNYV2: I am quite sure! Jaune has been attempting to explain what the act of “vibing” is to myself and Oscar for the past half hour.

sword_n_shield: it’s literally just vibing Penny!

sword_n_shield: you just vibe!

PENNYV2: I genuinely do not understand, Jaune. I’m very sorry.

ospine: it ok idk either

sword_n_shield: wait we have a memelord here don’t we, @Vine !

Vine: Yes?

Vine: Ah.

Vine: The act of vibing is similar to the act of meditating. You simply sit there, and let the clock tick and the world pass you by for a time.

ospine: idk still sry

PENNYV2: I’ve got it!

PENNYV2: It’s like sleeping!

sword_n_shield: ...kinda.

Vine: While I am here, does anyone know what that noise was?

imthebirdguy: THANK YOU

shadowstrike: Idk either, sorry

PUNches: blake n i are going to the cafeteria before it closes anyone want anything

HAMMERTIME: A BAGEL

Vine: The souls of the innocent.

HAMMERTIME: TWO BAGELS

PENNYV2: They have those in the cafeteria?

Vine: The souls of the innocent?

PENNYV2: No, bagels.

PENNYV2: Ruby was trying to get some for Weiss earlier but they didn’t have any and they were sad.

SchneezyPeasy: but you… brought us bagels

PENNYV2: I flew down to Mantle to get some!

SchneezyPeasy: that was why you were messaging me about what Ruby liked earlier???

PENNYV2: Yep! I knew what you liked from Ruby.

imthebirdguy: @PUNches hope im not too late but can you grab me some hot cocoa

PUNches: holy shit

shadowstrike: We can try but, well

PUNches: we figured out what the noise was

imthebirdguy: oh good it woke me up

imthebirdguy: i was having a fuckin great nap

nyoompetals: what was it

PUNches: theres metal bits EVERYWHERE its fucking awesome

PUNches: blake is currently trying to navigate the floor to get you your hot choc uncle qrow

imthebirdguy: tell her to be careful

PUNches: tell her yourself

imthebirdguy: @shadowstrike be careful

nyoompetals: YANG WHAT HAPPENED

nyoompetals: WHY ARE THERE METAL BITS EVERYWHERE

nyoompetals: IS PENNY OKAY

PENNYV2: I’m fine, but your concern is appreciated!

SchneezyPeasy: she means she’d like to see you in person

PENNYV2: Oh! In that case I will be right over!

nyoompetals: thanks weissy thanks penny

PENNYV2: It is no problem at all!

SchneezyPeasy: like she said :)

Vine: The rest of us would still like to know what happened.

PUNches: idk honestly

PUNches: blakes got the chocolate and the bagels

PUNches: wait she has an idea

PUNches: she pulled out her scroll

shadowstrike: I think someone blew up the microwave

I_Am_Winter: Again?

shadowstrike: ……..again

I_Am_Winter: Yes, again. Some idiot keeps putting metal cutlery in the microwave. This is the third one this month.

imthebirdguy: damn that sounds like something that would happen with me around

I_Am_Winter: No. This is stupidity, not bad luck.

<Private message from LuckyCharm to imthebirdguy >

LuckyCharm: so about that

LuckyCharm: remember how I said I would come wake you up for a spar after I got food

<Private message from imthebirdguy to LuckyCharm >

imthebirdguy: no 

imthebirdguy: no fucking way

imthebirdguy: theres no way youre this much of a fucking himbo

<Private message from LuckyCharm to imthebirdguy >

LuckyCharm: I resent that remark

LuckyCharm: anyway I’ve modified the mission checklist so it looks like I’ll still be out on a mission for another three hours

LuckyCharm: can I hide in your room until then

LuckyCharm: Qrow, please

<Private message from imthebirdguy to LuckyCharm >

imthebirdguy: fine

imthebirdguy: on one condition

<Private message from LuckyCharm to imthebirdguy >

LuckyCharm: anything

<Private message from imthebirdguy to LuckyCharm >

imthebirdguy: im gonna ignore the implications of that and just say

imthebirdguy: fools day is coming up

imthebirdguy: and while i can do a lot on my own i could use some luck on my side

<Private message from LuckyCharm to imthebirdguy >

LuckyCharm: you want me to help you prank people?

<Private message from imthebirdguy to LuckyCharm >

imthebirdguy: indeed i do

<Private message from LuckyCharm to imthebirdguy >

LuckyCharm: count me in

Chapter Text

nyoompetals: GOOD FUCKING MORNING EVERYONE :D

imthebirdguy: excuse me what the fuck its midnight ruby

imthebirdguy: MIDNIGHT

nyoompetals: WHICH MEANS ITS OFFICIALLY FOOLS DAY

nyoompetals: @everyone

DoverT: hey WHAT THE FUCK????

LuckyCharm: how can you even @ everyone??? you’re not a moderator

PENNYV2: UwU

nyoompetals: getting by with a lil help from my girlfriends

SchneezyPeasy: wait WHAT???

nyoompetals: my friends that are girls that i maybe happen to find very attractive ok

PENNYV2: Are you talking about Weiss and myself?

nyoompetals: nooooooooooo

imthebirdguy: yessssssssss

nyoompetals: UNCLE QROW YOU TRAITOR

imthebirdguy: MIDNIGHT ruby

nyoompetals: fine yes its you two youre very nice and pretty and maybe sometimes i want to hold hands and cuddle is that so wrong

nyoompetals: i didnt mean to imply anything im sorry D:

SchneezyPeasy: Ruby. I’ve been dropping hints for AGES

nyoompetals: ikkkkk :(

nyoompetals: i didnt want to have to choose :(

PENNYV2: Why would you need to? You have two hands. We can both hold your hands, as well as each other’s hands!

nyoompetals: thanks penny but thats not what i meant :(

imthebirdguy: no she has a point

imthebirdguy: i guess this was long before your time but listen pipsqueak

imthebirdguy: people can have multiple romantic partners

imthebirdguy: summer and tai and raven were all dating each other for a while back in beacon days and before raven… well left

nyoompetals: thats a thing???

PUNches: yes thats a thing rubes!! you didnt know????

nyoompetals: no????????

imthebirdguy: ill keep this short bc i want to go back to sleep you little shit

imthebirdguy: you can date multiple people at the same time if and only if EVERYONE INVOLVED is ok with it

imthebirdguy: otherwise thats not cool

nyoompetals: ok i think i got it

nyoompetals: are you both ok with maybe just idk hanging out and cuddling a little

SchneezyPeasy: absolutely.

PENNYV2: Yes! I think you both are very pretty too!

LuckyCharm: ohhhhh you used Pietro’s mod credentials

PENNYV2: Maybe……

LuckyCharm: i’m going back to sleep

imthebirdguy: yeah me too

imthebirdguy: but hey congrats you three

PUNches: woo!!!

PUNches: but also did you not realize that our friends are all dating each other too

nyoompetals: wHAT

PUNches: yeah im dating blake shes very the best and luckily very asleep still

shadowstrike: “Very the best?”

PUNches: orrrr not, hi <3

shadowstrike: <3

PUNches: ok shes back to sleep for real now

PUNches: jnrs dating too and theyve adopted oscar

ospine: can confirm

ospine: theyre all too lazy to actually get up and jaunes sleepin like a rock but ren n nora wanted me to pass on a message

ospine: “fuck you, whoever is textin us at midnight”

ospine: it was mostly nora but ren didnt disagree

nyoompetals: :) score one for team rwp

nyoompetals: rpw?

nyoompetals: well figure out a team name for fools day but we are aHEAD suck it uncle q <3

PENNYV2: RWP could work, pronounced “rap” which is a kind of music. FNKI is also a variety of music, so…

SchneezyPeasy: team RWP it is :D

nyoompetals: omg you used an emoji weissy

SchneezyPeasy: did I? whoops ;)

Chapter Text

nyoompetals: WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT MUCH PLASTIC WRAP???

PENNYV2: A store in Mantle that had this particular brand on sale last night is now completely out of stock, so most likely there.

SchneezyPeasy: HOW DID YOU

imthebirdguy: :)

SchneezyPeasy: of course it was you.

LuckyCharm: wait, that’s where you got it??? when did you have time to do that???

imthebirdguy: last night

LuckyCharm: the last civilian airship down to Mantle ran before we got back from our mission though……..?

imthebirdguy: bold of you to assume i took an airship

LuckyCharm: then how did you???? get down there?????

imthebirdguy: dw about it ;)

nyoompetals: i mean getting down would be the easy part

LuckyCharm: true that

SchneezyPeasy: wait where are our weapons?????

LuckyCharm: couldn’t have you breaking out too easily now could we?

imthebirdguy: score 2 for team qc

LuckyCharm: QC?

imthebirdguy: cookie

nyoompetals: score TWO???

PENNYV2: Well of course, they technically did two pranks! They plastic-wrapped the door with no small amount of plastic wrap, and stole our weapons. Although it is worth noting that I can just blast through this. I am the weapon.

nyoompetals: HELL YEAH YOU ARE

imthebirdguy: lets just say you arent the only one whose doors we plastic wrapped and leave it at that

nyoompetals: hey yeah where are the bees

shadowstrike: Next room over, we wanted some privacy

PUNches: they wrapped our door too

PUNches: fortunately my arm is a gun

ospine: whys everyone blowin things up this early

shadowstrike: Check the door

ospine: ah

ospine: @sword_n_shield @noraYES @RenTheNinja

RenTheNinja: I wondered what you were doing out there, Uncle Qrow.

LuckyCharm: why am i not surprised he knew we were there

imthebirdguy: you shouldnt be

sword_n_shield: ren can you break through?

RenTheNinja: If I cannot, we have a wall outlet, Nora, and the cutlery we forgot to take back to the cafeteria last night. Including a fork.

noraYES: can we just do that anyway???

RenTheNinja: No need anymore.

noraYES: aww

RenTheNinja: Don’t worry. We’ll have plenty of opportunity to do that and other things before this day is done.

ospine: i have plans :D

RenTheNinja: You do have plans.

sword_n_shield: holy shit how much did you plan for this???

ospine: a LOT

RenTheNinja: I nominate our son Oscar to be the temporary leader of our prank war team, seeing as he thought all this out.

noraYES: seconded!!!

sword_n_shield: thirded

sword_n_shield: they grow up so fast…

ospine: omg okkkk

ospine: uhhhh ig were team ornj then

RenTheNinja: Orange?

ospine: orange

noraYES: you all should be very VERY afraid :D

imthebirdguy: not of someone with no points

PUNches: hey

PUNches: did you plastic wrap anyone elses doors or just us

imthebirdguy: i personally just did you kids

LuckyCharm: :)

DoverT: CLOVER FUCKING EBI

LuckyCharm: hi hare

DoverT: TRAITOR

Vine:

HAMMERTIME: well get you back

goodestboy: yeah!!! :(

DoverT: as the new leader of the ace ops due to Clover’s betrayal, and since the rest of you seem to be making up team names… we’ll be Team HAZE from now on

goodestboy: omg that name actually works

LuckyCharm: I wish you the best of luck in pranking everyone but Team QC

shadowstrike: Yang and I are Team BY because we’re already the bees

PUNches: birds n the bees ;)

shadowstrike: Yang, no

PUNches: YANG YES

<Private message from I_Am_Winter to J.Ironwould >

I_Am_Winter: Permission to join you in your office under lockdown for the rest of today, sir?

<Private message from J.Ironwould to I_Am_Winter >

J.Ironwould: Hurry. And bring food, we may be here for a while.

<Private message from I_Am_Winter to J.Ironwould >

I_Am_Winter: Will do. 

I_Am_Winter: I suppose no one will be getting much done today…

<Private message from J.Ironwould to I_Am_Winter >

J.Ironwould: I’ll be catching up on my paperwork. But it should be entertaining to see what the others get up to today. Especially without being in the line of fire myself.

J.Ironwould: See you soon.

Chapter Text

LuckyCharm: well good news I guess: we know the fire alarms still work

imthebirdguy: youre not remotely worried that there might be an actual fire

LuckyCharm: have you SEEN Atlas Academy?

LuckyCharm: not exactly the most flammable of places

shadowstrike: It’s really loud :(

PUNches: dw i gotchu

PUNches: does it count if i steal rubys noise canceling headphones

nyoompetals: NO IT DOES NOT

PUNches: too late

imthebirdguy: id say it counts

imthebirdguy: bit of a dick move with the fire alarm going off tho

PUNches: blake needs them more than ruby

shadowstrike: Not saying she’s right. But also not saying I’m not currently holding a pillow over my ears :(

PUNches: IM COMING BABE

shadowstrike: I love you. So much

PUNches: and score 1 for the bees!!!

imthebirdguy: ok but who set off the fire alarm

imthebirdguy: cloves i dont think it would be your team

noraYES: well it’s not us!!!

LuckyCharm: wh

LuckyCharm: HARRIET?????

DoverT: eh, it was a team effort. 

Vine: You thought it was someone else… but it was us! Team HAZE!

LuckyCharm: wow you’re all getting really into this huh

HAMMERTIME: HELL YEAH

HAMMERTIME: HARES A SURPRISINGLY GOOD LEADER

DoverT: hey what’s that??? Supposed to mean???

goodestboy: you’re doing alright hare :D

DoverT: thanks??????

DoverT: but we aren’t done yet.

HAMMERTIME: YEAHHHH!!!

Vine:
 

Vine: Not in a literal sense, but the point still stands.

LuckyCharm: I should probably be concerned

LuckyCharm: but I’m glad you’re all getting along with each other finally

LuckyCharm: unrelated but has anyone seen Qrow?

imthebirdguy: dw about it im just picking up more supplies

LuckyCharm: ok???

LuckyCharm: what the fuck was that

imthebirdguy: not me

SchneezyPeasy: HEY WHO RIGGED THE MICROWAVE TO BLOW UP???

I_Am_Winter: Probably the same fool who’s responsible for the last three microwave incidents.

LuckyCharm: iiiii doubt that

SchneezyPeasy: wait, Winter, where are you anyway?

I_Am_Winter: Classified.

ospine: SCORE ONE FOR TEAM ORNJ AND NINJA DADS NINJA SKILLS

SchneezyPeasy: how did you even???

RenTheNinja: :)

SchneezyPeasy: THAT’S NOT AN ANSWER REN!!

SchneezyPeasy: NEITHER IS WALKING AWAY BACKWARDS WITH A GRIN ON YOUR FACE

RenTheNinja: fdsghjgk

nyoompetals: ?????

SchneezyPeasy: aaaaaand he slipped

Vine: Score 2 for Team HAZE.

HAMMERTIME: ITLL BE THREE IF WEISS ISNT CAREFUL >:D

SchneezyPeasy: bold of you to assume I don’t have glyphs

HAMMERTIME: BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME THOSELL HELP

SchneezyPeasy: guess I’ll just stay here then

PENNYV2: Do not fear, Weiss! I shall carry you out, since Ruby is currently preoccupied trying to steal back her headphones.

shadowstrike: I NEED THEM

nyoompetals: FINE ILL BREAK THE FIRE ALARM

LuckyCharm: PLEASE DO NOT BREAK THE FIRE ALARM

SchneezyPeasy: @I_Am_Winter I’m starting to see your point

I_Am_Winter: Which is why I retreated before the carnage began. Although it is fairly amusing to watch.

imthebirdguy: better be careful ice queen or youll be next

I_Am_Winter: You have to find me first.

Chapter Text

nyoompetals: so out of curiosity is anyone actually keeping score

I_Am_Winter: Yes.

SchneezyPeasy: Winter??? you’re keeping score???

I_Am_Winter: I never said that.

I_Am_Winter: However, the General would like to remind you all to keep your childish shenanigans contained to those participating.

imthebirdguy: youre telling me jimmy called these childish shenanigans

I_Am_Winter: I may have editorialized slightly.

imthebirdguy: slightly

LuckyCharm: slightly

SchneezyPeasy: slightly

I_Am_Winter: If he is going to continue to lurk in this chat without making a single post of his own, I reserve the right to editorialize the messages he wishes me to pass on.

nyoompetals: soooo the scores

I_Am_Winter: Very well.

I_Am_Winter: The group consisting of you, my sister, and Penny currently has 9 points.

I_Am_Winter: @imthebirdguy and @LuckyCharm have 13 points.

imthebirdguy: pfffff

LuckyCharm: that’s kind of hilarious

PENNYV2: We are coming for you, Team QC!

imthebirdguy: bring it rockets

I_Am_Winter: @ospine, @RenTheNinja, @noraYES, and @sword_n_shield have 12 points.

ospine: yessssssss we r comin for yall

RenTheNinja: Be prepared.

noraYES: or dont be!!!

RenTheNinja: Or do not be prepared.

RenTheNinja: That will make our lives much easier.

sword_n_shield: and yours much, much harder :D

I_Am_Winter: @shadowstrike and @PUNches, you have 6 points.

PUNches: ill take it!!

shadowstrike: We’ll get more. Very, very soon

PUNches: was that supposed to sound really really ominous

shadowstrike: I need to exact revenge for the fire alarm

I_Am_Winter: Understandable, that was very, very loud and very, very unnecessary.

Vine:
 

I_Am_Winter: It was Elm’s idea?

HAMMERTIME: HOW DID YOU KNOW

I_Am_Winter: The two of you are slightly predictable.

DoverT: she’s sure not wrong

goodestboy: I HATE YOU BOTH D:

I_Am_Winter: Excuse me?

DoverT: not you. Where are they doing each other

Vine: We weren’t doing anything yet.

I_Am_Winter: I’m not going to ask, and I’m going to respectfully request that you keep it in areas that I do not have camera access to.

HAMMERTIME: OKAY FAIR

Vine: How many points do we have?

I_Am_Winter: Surprisingly, 15.

I_Am_Winter: @LuckyCharm Why are you walking towards the General’s office with a bird on your shoulder?

LuckyCharm: haha bird what bird

I_Am_Winter: …and where is your partner.

LuckyCharm: the bird!!!

LuckyCharm: is his. he has a pet bird. 

nyoompetals: ohhhh uncle qrow finally showed you crow huh ;)

nyoompetals: you two must be getting serious

LuckyCharm: uhhhhh

I_Am_Winter: You’re telling me that Qrow Branwen. Has a pet bird. Named Crow.

SchneezyPeasy: with a c

nyoompetals: only about as confusing as rwby vs ruby

I_Am_Winter: I… see. And here I was thinking this was some kind of innuendo.

LuckyCharm: oshit

I_Am_Winter: Did the bird just…

LuckyCharm: yeah

LuckyCharm: in his defense, he’s extremely smart and has the same sense of humor as a certain very attractive huntsman

I_Am_Winter: Did that poor bird just fall off your shoulder again?

PENNYV2: For those of you without camera access who are wondering what is going on now, it appears that Clover is having a very hushed, one-way conversation with a small black bird too softly for cameras to pick up.

I_Am_Winter: Tragic.

I_Am_Winter: I really would like to know what is up with that bird.

I_Am_Winter: However, I have another message to pass on from the General. Due to the mission many of you are scheduled for tomorrow morning, any Fools Day activities partaken in after 1800 hours will be met with immediate sanctions.

PENNYV2: Winter?

I_Am_Winter: Yes, Penny?

PENNYV2: That gives my girlfriends five minutes to take the lead.

I_Am_Winter: That gives your girlfriends five minutes to return to their dormitory, as any activity within the halls will be assumed to be related to Fools Day.

SchneezyPeasy: Winter :(

I_Am_Winter: This is a direct order from him. No paraphrasing this time.

ospine: uh yall

nyoompetals: yee

ospine: there arent any beds

noraYES: WHAT

I_Am_Winter: :)

shadowstrike: Fuck, he’s right, there actually aren’t any beds

shadowstrike: Where did you even put them???

I_Am_Winter: You can find blankets in the nearest supply closet. The beds will not be returning until Fools Day is over.

I_Am_Winter: And I do believe that means I win, regardless of actual point counts.

imthebirdguy: you winter schnee are an evil mastermind

I_Am_Winter: Thank you. I get it from my father. Although it was a team effort. Someone had to distract you, after all.

SchneezyPeasy: what???

I_Am_Winter: And I am NOT referring to Jacques Gelé.

I_Am_Winter: Team JW for the win.

imthebirdguy: really

imthebirdguy: jaw

I_Am_Winter: I will admit that sounded better in my head. Anyway. While hallway activity will not, in fact, be prohibited, I would like to remind you all that approximately three-quarters of you have an early mission tomorrow, and should therefore get to sleep.

I_Am_Winter: As well as you can sleep, in any case.

I_Am_Winter: Also, where did you come from? One moment Clover had your bird, and the next the camera glitched out and you came sauntering in.

imthebirdguy: gotta keep some secrets ice queen

I_Am_Winter: And this is why I ensured there were no blankets near your quarters.

I_Am_Winter: Although I doubt you’ll be sleeping there in any case.

Chapter Text

PENNYV2: Hello! Who is everyone doing on this fine night?

sword_n_shield: you mean how is everyone doing, right?

PENNYV2: I said what I said. :)

PENNYV2: Although seeing as my girlfriends and I are all happily somewhere on the asexuality spectrum, I’ll accept answers relating to how everyone is doing instead.

nyoompetals: you know how ren and nora are being :/

sword_n_shield: ???????

nyoompetals: i thought you three had worked out your shit

sword_n_shield: ehhhhhhhh…. maybe not quite? how are they

PENNYV2: I honestly cannot tell what or who they are arguing about.

nyoompetals: im with you there penns :<

sword_n_shield: damn so much for a nice relaxing night off for anyone then

nyoompetals: movies that bad huh

sword_n_shield: weiss and oscar seemed to like it!

nyoompetals: seemed to like it???

sword_n_shield: remember those thirsty moms I was complaining about not that long ago

nyoompetals: yeee

nyoompetals: what about em

sword_n_shield: a couple of them are here I’ve been hiding in the bathroom for ten minutes

sword_n_shield: oscar is dming me live updates from the movie tho so I won’t be too lost when I get back in

sword_n_shield: not that I haven’t seen it before tho but the thought is appreciated, I already know exactly what happened to harry ahaha

PENNYV2: Oh! Are you seeing Detective Pikachu?

sword_n_shield: yeah!!! oscar never saw it so I did my fatherly duty and brought him to this movie rerun. turned out your girlfriend hadn’t either. for shame ruby. for shame.

PENNYV2: She’s my girlfriend too!

sword_n_shield: hell yeah! but you have an excuse

PENNYV2: I do?

sword_n_shield: you’re not exactly up on the memes y’know

PENNYV2: I’m working on it!

goodestboy: you should be working on guard duty >:(

PENNYV2: I can do both!

PENNYV2: L M A O he just got called out by May and Joanna for being on his scroll while on guard duty.

nyoompetals: did you just

PENNYV2: Yes! I had to individually input each of the letters, otherwise my built-in autocorrect doesn’t like acronyms very much. :( It’s the same with emoticons.

nyoompetals: penny ily

PENNYV2: I love you too, Ruby!

sword_n_shield: so ig uncle qrow and the bees are having fun huh

nyoompetals: the bees said they were going out dancing but idk where qrow is

PENNYV2: See my previous statement.

sword_n_shield: ……..which one

PENNYV2: “Hello! Who is everybody doing on this fine night?”

nyoompetals: clover

sword_n_shield: clover

I_Am_Winter: Sadly, they do not seem to have made it to that level just yet. They are in Qrow’s room.

nyoompetals: owo

I_Am_Winter: Playing some kind of childish video game, they invited me to join. I obviously declined.

PENNYV2: A perusal of the recent camera footage in that hallway begs to differ, Winter my friend!

I_Am_Winter: Fine.

I_Am_Winter: I’m still better at Beat Saber than either of them, semblances or not.

nyoompetals: so theyre just playing games

I_Am_Winter: Your uncle’s complete inability to pick up on flirting frustrates me just as much as it does you, Ruby.

I_Am_Winter: Perhaps more, as you have more experience dealing with his immaturity in general.

nyoompetals: ooooo robyns giving a speech in a couple secs hang on

nyoompetals: hey vomit boy you want me to stream it

sword_n_shield: I really am never getting away from that nickname am I

nyoompetals: nope!

I_Am_Winter: Stream it.

nyoompetals: okok give me a sec

I_Am_Winter: Also, although I’m slightly reluctant to ask this… what are the polls currently at?

PENNYV2: Robyn is still in the lead with 55% of the vote!

I_Am_Winter: That means Jacques has 45% of the vote, and that’s a higher percentage than it was ten minutes ago.

PENNYV2: The polls are closing in five minutes!

I_Am_Winter: A lot can change in five minutes, Penny.

User nyoompetals started a stream. Viewers: 3.

nyoompetals: i for one am super excited for our new lesbian councilwoman

I_Am_Winter: You know for certain that she’s lesbian?

nyoompetals: im as certain as i am that im lesbb

nyoompetals: lesbiab

I_Am_Winter: Take your time.

nyoompetals: girls!!! :D

PENNYV2: Girls!!!

I_Am_Winter: Girls are very nice.

sword_n_shield: anyway idk about y’all but I’d rather have Robyn than Jackass

nyoompetals: yall

sword_n_shield: I’ve been spending too much time around my farm son shut up

nyoompetals: but ye same!!

PENNYV2: Regardless of who wins, Amity is going to become significantly more difficult. So I wholeheartedly agree! Robyn is much better for the people.

nyoompetals: what about you winter

I_Am_Winter: I would choose Salem over Jacques.

I_Am_Winter: As far as Robyn goes, however, we could certainly do a lot worse.

nyoompetals: ithink thats as close to an endorsement as were getting from her :D

PENNYV2: I will happily pass on your congratulations to her after the polls close, Winter!

I_Am_Winter: Please do not.

PENNYV2: Why not?

I_Am_Winter: It’s not important. Just don’t.

PENNYV2: Why is it not important?

I_Am_Winter: It just isn’t.

nyoompetals: you all are watching my stream right are you seeing what im seeing

PENNYV2: No?

I_Am_Winter: I see a crowd of people celebrating.

nyoompetals: nonono i

sword_n_shield: oh fuck i think i see him too

nyoompetals: @everyone TYRIAN IS AT ROBYNS VICTORY PARTY

PENNYV2: Tyrian… Callows?

PENNYV2: I see him. The lights have gone off but that will not stop me.

I_Am_Winter: Penny?

PENNYV2: I DON’T SEE HIM ANYMORE WHERE IS HE

User nyoompetals ’s stream has ended.

Chapter Text

I_Am_Winter: Good news: Ruby’s livestream to this communications channel clearly showed that Penny was on the stage and not among the crowd as a certain doctored video claimed, and therefore can be used to help prove her innocence.

I_Am_Winter: Furthermore, while it can be assumed that framing Penny was our enemy’s goal, a secondary goal was undoubtedly to kill Robyn Hill, and frame Penny for her death as well. In that, they have failed, as Robyn is still alive.

I_Am_Winter: The bad news is quite literally everything else.

nyoompetals: pennys sad :(

SchneezyPeasy: we’re all sad

nyoompetals: weissys sad

SchneezyPeasy: so are you, Ruby

nyoompetals: yep :(

I_Am_Winter: While that too is very bad news, sadness is fixable. This will take more than positive emotions.

LuckyCharm: I’m not happy about having to arrest Robyn either, but do you have a better idea?

I_Am_Winter: Bold of you to assume I’m unhappy about having to arrest Robyn.

LuckyCharm: well…

I_Am_Winter: Don’t bring up my nonexistent love life, and I won’t try anything with yours.

LuckyCharm: ok you got me there

ospine: we could always try tellin her about amity

ospine: or yall could

HAMMERTIME: PFF GOOD ONE PIPSQUEAK

Vine: Elm, I believe he’s being serious.

HAMMERTIME: oh

ospine: yeeee just a bit

DoverT: the issue is that trust is earned, kid. Not demanded. All Robyn’s been doing is demanding it

imthebirdguy: in her defense we have been doing a lot without a visible reason

LuckyCharm: of course there’s a reason???

imthebirdguy: you know that i know that everyone here knows that

imthebirdguy: but speaking as someone who used to have more issues with the military than you can imagine

I_Am_Winter: Used to?

imthebirdguy: fuck off ice queen

imthebirdguy: trust is a two way street and we havent exactly been doing much to earn robyns

shadowstrike: Our truck’s just been hit

shadowstrike: Or more accurately, our truck just stopped unscheduled and Yang and I would bet money that it’s Robyn

PUNches: YEP

LuckyCharm: assuming that it’s her entire group there… chase Robyn, I’ve got backup coming your way

imthebirdguy: clover you and i are the closest

LuckyCharm: yep, we’re the backup, although I think you’ll get there a bit faster than me ;)

imthebirdguy: on it ;)

LuckyCharm: everyone else, move on Blake and Yang’s position. this is the best chance we have

<Private message from robynhood to LuckyCharm >

robynhood: hey Clover! how’s the old bootlicking treating ya

<Private message from LuckyCharm to robynhood >

LuckyCharm: robyn.

LuckyCharm: you don’t understand what we’re doing here.

LuckyCharm: we have a warrant out for your team’s arrest. I might be able to get the General to revoke it if you stop now

<Private message from robynhood to LuckyCharm >

robynhood: oh Clover. here I think you dropped something

robynhood:

<Private message from LuckyCharm to robynhood >

LuckyCharm: very funny. very mature while you’re at it

<Private message from robynhood to LuckyCharm >

robynhood: if what Ironwood’s doing is so important, then why can’t he tell anyone about it?

<Private message from LuckyCharm to robynhood >

LuckyCharm: he’s going to go public as soon as… the thing we’re working on is complete. we can’t risk going public any sooner.

<Private message from robynhood to LuckyCharm >

robynhood: and why not? 

<Private message from LuckyCharm to robynhood >

LuckyCharm: I can’t tell you. just... please. if you can’t trust the General, at least trust me. we were friends once, weren’t we?

<Private message from robynhood to LuckyCharm >

robynhood: yeah, we were. the fuck happened?

robynhood: oh. wait.

Chapter Text

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nyoompetals: weissy are you ok

SchneezyPeasy: what do you think?

PUNches: that seems like a pretty solid “absolutely the fuck not”

shadowstrike: Couldn’t imagine why

ospine: did your brother catch up with ya

SchneezyPeasy: if he tries anything again they won’t find his body

imthebirdguy: WHOA okay no murder please

imthebirdguy: no child murder anyway

imthebirdguy: not saying i would turn a blind eye to a certain someone but you all definitely know who that is

goodestboy: you know we’re in here too, right? :/

imthebirdguy: caw caw motherfucker

goodestboy: …...is that normal?

noraYES: what???

sword_n_shield: I’m going to take a wild guess that he typed that, looked you dead in the eyes, then jumped off the nearest high place and turned into a bird

goodestboy: well he did a backflip but yes

sword_n_shield: huh

nyoompetals: clovers rubbing off on him

goodestboy: not even gonna try to deny that one

PENNYV2: Update from inside the dining room!

PENNYV2: Winter just stormed out.

DoverT: she did what now

I_Am_Winter: Keep telling us what’s going on in there, Penny.

PENNYV2: Yes ma’am!

nyoompetals: what happened :<

I_Am_Winter: All I’m doing at this point is making things worse. It’s been years. LITERAL years. And he STILL knows EXACTLY how to get to me, and how to use me against the father he never was.

I_Am_Winter: Bastard.

nyoompetals: do you want a hug

I_Am_Winter: Not particularly.

nyoompetals: are you sure

I_Am_Winter: ...no.

nyoompetals: im giving you a hug

nyoompetals: wheres the dining room

ospine: ruby i see u

ospine: over here

nyoompetals: got it

nyoompetals: hey win you want two hugs for the price of one

I_Am_Winter: 1) I did not consent to one hug.

I_Am_Winter: 2) Win?

nyoompetals: ye!!

imthebirdguy: just let her hug you ice queen you dont want her to deploy the eyes

goodestboy: YOU CAN TURN INTO A BIRD???

I_Am_Winter: You can WHAT

imthebirdguy: right i forgot about that

imthebirdguy: worth it

<Private message from LittleLamb to robynhood>

LittleLamb: ROBYN NOT TO DISTRACT YOU FROM YOUR VERY IMPORTANT FUCKING WITH IRONWOOD BUT WE HAVE A PROBLEM

LittleLamb: BIIIIIIIG PROBLEM

LittleLamb: AS IN “THE HEAT IS OFF IN MANTLE” PROBLEM

LittleLamb: okay judging by the fact you haven’t starting screaming back at me yet you’ve got your scroll off for the meeting which, fair

LittleLamb: but text me back as soon as you get this, we need you asap

Chapter Text

Moderator LuckyCharm added robynhood to <Communications Channel>

nyoompetals: wait what

User robynhood logged in

robynhood: oooo, fancy

robynhood: don’t suppose you can add the rest of the Happy Huntresses while you’re at it?

LuckyCharm: I don’t remember their usernames and I don’t trust you not to rename the channel to something ridiculous if I make you a moderator

LuckyCharm: so no.

robynhood: I mean, fair

robynhood: I could totally just tell you their usernames tho

robynhood: LittleLamb, greenxleeves, gonnabeMAY

LuckyCharm: thanks give me a sec

imthebirdguy: so uhhh

imthebirdguy: nobody else questioning this

robynhood: I know about Salem.

imthebirdguy: welp that would do it

PUNches: hi robyn!

robynhood: heyo

robynhood: I’m guessing you’re fisticuffs

Moderator LuckyCharm added LittleLamb , greenxleeves , and gonnabeMAY to <Communications Channel>

PUNches: haha yep

LuckyCharm: sorry it took me so long, autocorrect kept wanting to correct Joanna’s username to greensleeves

PUNches: @shadowstrike is blake

shadowstrike: hi

robynhood: gonna be honest, your username was about what I expected lol

LuckyCharm: how do you two know Robyn??

PUNches: dance club

shadowstrike: We went out dancing with Team FNKI the night of the election, Robyn dropped in before she went to the rally

robynhood: ofc I didn’t know then you two baby gays were military bootlickers ;)

shadowstrike: Oh don’t worry, the only boots I lick are Yang’s

goodestboy: UHHHHHH

shadowstrike: That sounded a lot better in my head, I’m going to shut up now

sword_n_shield: *insert epic sax solo here*

shadowstrike: Jaune, I know where you sleep

sword_n_shield: I have a ninja and a Nora, fucking bring it

User gonnabeMAY logged in

gonnabeMAY: the fuck is this??

robynhood: short version is we were wrong about Ironwood, we’ve got bigger problems, and a bunch of us are on our way to Mantle now. what’s the situation?

gonnabeMAY: well on a scale of one to ten of how fucked we all are, id guess a solid fifteen

Chapter Text

robynhood: so judging by the complete lack of activity here, half of you are locked from this channel and the other half are knocked out or worse.

robynhood: Qrow and I are sort of in prison at the moment. we both have our scrolls but he isn’t really in any condition to use it at the moment.

robynhood: which makes it my duty to tell you all that Clover is dead. Tyrian murdered him and Qrow blames himself. and of course the military blames Qrow. because justice! never mind that he’s fucking sobbing his eyes out and blames himself enough already!!!

LuckyCharm: stop telling everyone I’m dead 

robynhood: what the fuck

robynhood: Clover???

LuckyCharm: hi

robynhood: if you’re not dead then why the fuck is Qrow holding your pin, which is covered in blood by the way, and crying

LuckyCharm: that is a very good question and I don’t actually know the answer but please give him a hug first of all

LuckyCharm: probably has something to do with the fact that I’m pretty much frozen solid

LuckyCharm: I can only move my fingers and like one of my arms

LuckyCharm: and I’m legitimately scared about what’s going to happen once the rest of me unfreezes

robynhood: gimme a sec I’m gonna tell your man you’re alive

LuckyCharm: it’s probably better if he thinks I’m dead I will be soon

robynhood: what the FUCK did you know he could turn into a bird???

imthebirdguy: clover

LuckyCharm: I’m sorry. might as well tell you that before I’m gone for good

imthebirdguy: yOURE SORRY???

imthebirdguy: i fucking killed you

LuckyCharm: nah I distinctly remember Tyrian doing that

LuckyCharm: this was my choice and it was a fucking shitty one

LuckyCharm: so don’t you dare blame yourself. I might not be able to do much but I haven’t had my network access removed yet. say, did either of you happen to see the cell number you were in?

robynhood: B-12

robynhood: damn, thanks

LuckyCharm: at least I was able to do something to fix this

LuckyCharm: do me a favor, when you run into Tyrian again, don’t bring him in alive.

robynhood: will do. we’ll miss you. any idea where the kids are? 

robynhood: Qrow’s crying a bit too hard to type currently. 

robynhood: also probably shouldn’t be texting while we’re escaping but shh.

nyoompetals: back 

nyoompetals: got our scrolls unlocked again which whew

nyoompetals: were kind of mid escape in a ship thats definitely stolen this time

robynhood: don’t suppose you could come around and pick your uncle and I up

nyoompetals: on it

nyoompetals: working on unblocking everyone elses connection to this chat

nyoompetals: its rwby jnr penny maria and pietro 

nyoompetals: dont know where oscar is and jnr are crying a lot so i uh am slightly worried

ospine: im fine

ospine: im in mantle

nyoompetals: how tf

ospine: i really dont wanna talk about it rn

nyoompetals: k

robynhood: I’ll text my girls get them on finding you, kiddo, they forgot to lock me out of texting >:)

ospine: thx

robynhood: wtf happened with you tho, pipsqueak, I have a very concerned uncle here

nyoompetals: we sort of took on the ace ops minus clover

LuckyCharm: and you won, I assume! well done

nyoompetals: hi clover um ig were enemies now huh

LuckyCharm: not anymore

nyoompetals: ???

LuckyCharm: I may have been stabbed and left for dead. and will be dead very soon. so I’m doing what I can with the time I have left.

LuckyCharm: I can’t re-enable everyone’s scrolls, I’m afraid. I’m sorry.

imthebirdguy: ruby you said jaune was with you

nyoompetals: everyone except oscar and hes in mantle apparently

imthebirdguy: i can get myself and robyn out

robynhood: you can???

imthebirdguy: well never know if we dont try 

imthebirdguy: used to have a team attack where id carry tai with me in bird form and drop him on the enemy we called it firefly

imthebirdguy: out of practice but yes i can do it

imthebirdguy: ANYWAY thats not important now

imthebirdguy: ruby i need you to fly out to the tundra and save clover

LuckyCharm: I’m pretty sure I’m beyond saving but the thought is appreciated, even if I don’t exactly deserve it.

imthebirdguy: shut the fuck up you morbid pretty son of a bitch youre not dead yet and jaunes semblance is a literal lifesaver

imthebirdguy: therell be a crashed ship nearby it was still smoking when we got arrested 

imthebirdguy: and they just fucking left you there huh

LuckyCharm: casualty transport comes second priority, particularly in times like these

imthebirdguy: good youre coming with us

robynhood: we’ll join you down there in a few minutes apparently, and I know where to go from there.

robynhood: Joanna’s found Oscar, he isn’t fine but he is alive and unhurt minus a broken aura

ospine: im fine

imthebirdguy: anyway cloves just hold on ok

LuckyCharm: you honestly want me back after what I did

imthebirdguy: stop sounding like me stop arguing with me and dont fucking fall asleep

LuckyCharm: I can do that

I_Am_Winter: Did you all forget I was in this channel?

SchneezyPeasy: the Ace Ops are too but they’re all knocked out

SchneezyPeasy: or in Clover’s case, mostly dead

LuckyCharm: mostly dead is slightly alive!

imthebirdguy: how dare you reference the princess bride at a time like this

SchneezyPeasy: Winter, I hoped you’d be willing to pretend this channel didn’t exist for just a little while longer.

I_Am_Winter: You don’t know how much I wish I could.

robynhood: then do??? it’s not that hard

robynhood: we can spring you on our way out

I_Am_Winter: Absolutely not and the offer is not appreciated.

robynhood: your loss ;)

LuckyCharm: you know what?

LuckyCharm: if this channel is getting shut down anyway 

I_Am_Winter: Clover, as relieved as I am to know you’re still alive, don’t you dare.

LuckyCharm: @J.Ironwould I sure could use an explanation

LuckyCharm: seeing as I’m about five minutes from going all the way dead after all

sword_n_shield: not if we get there first

LuckyCharm: @J.Ironwould was it worth it? I don’t know the half of what’s happened but we both know it must have been serious for you to order me to arrest Qrow.

LuckyCharm: and it wasn’t worth it. not for me.

LuckyCharm: so humor a dying man. tell me. is abandoning Mantle worth it? is alienating the few allies you have left worth it? because I sure don’t think so.

LuckyCharm: if defeating Salem means this, then I’d rather live under her rule or die today.

J.Ironwould: I don’t owe you answers. I don’t owe anyone answers. I do what I must, as I always have.

ospine: sooooo shooting me off atlas was what you had to do

sword_n_shield: excuse me WHAT

J.Ironwould: I shot Ozpin. Not Oscar. He hasn’t been here for a long time, has he? Oscar, if he was still here, wouldn’t have survived that fall. Did I even meet Oscar? Or was he already dead when your group arrived.

ospine: ozpin is back as of you shooting me and we both would like to pass on a very hearty fuck you :)

LuckyCharm: you’re right, you don’t owe me answers, General. but I’m going to keep asking you for them until I’m gone. it’s not like I have anything better to do.

sword_n_shield: we’re on our fucking way

J.Ironwould: No craft you or your friends possess can save someone that far gone, Mr. Arc.

sword_n_shield: it’s huntsman arc to you. and I beg to differ.

J.Ironwould: Then beg. It makes no difference whether you succeed or fail. Captain Ebi is already dead to me.

LuckyCharm: ow

J.Ironwould: It’s almost poetic, in a way, that you’re responsible for the end of this channel as well as the last.

J.Ironwould: As for the rest of you: you can run. You can hide. You can join Salem herself if you like, it makes no difference to me.

J.Ironwould: I will find you. And when I do, expect no mercy.

Administrator J.Ironwould closed channel <Communications Channel>

Chapter Text

Administrator robynhood added PENNYV2 to <Be Gay, Do Crime: A Novel by Robyn Hill>

robynhood: and I think that’s everyone

PENNYV2: Thank you, Councilwoman Hill!

robynhood: not actually a councilwoman just robyn is fine

PENNYV2: Understood, Just Robyn!

robynhood: eh good enough

robynhood: so, cloves, how did you get the last channel shut down exactly?

LuckyCharm: robyn I nearly died please give me a break

robynhood: eh you had your moment, you’re fine now

sword_n_shield: no he iS NOT

sword_n_shield: if you get up I WILL get someone to sit on you

shadowstrike: You mean Qrow right

imthebirdguy: hey i didnt agree to this

robynhood: oh please ive seen the way you two look at each other

imthebirdguy: no you havent

LuckyCharm: you know what? Fine

LuckyCharm: it was actually really stupid in retrospect

nyoompetals: im listening owo

LuckyCharm: before I start, Ruby, I don’t suppose you have a RemTube account by the name of xXx-ScytheMaster-xXx

nyoompetals: uhhhh maybe

nyoompetals: i only ever posted one video that got any attention tho 

nyoompetals: it was mostly shitposts like narrating my teammates lives and a couple of videos for doc ooblecks class

nyoompetals: i didnt even take the video that got tons of attention tbh ren did

RenTheNinja: My RemTube channel is exclusively cooking videos. It wouldn’t have fit my channel theme.

sword_n_shield: why does that not surprise me in the slightest? but also how did I not know about this

noraYES: we told you about it like twice?????

sword_n_shield: I HAVE THE MEMORY OF A GOLDFISH OKAY

RenTheNinja: To be fair, I haven’t uploaded anything since the Fall of Beacon, mainly because of the CCT Network being down. Most of my viewers were based in Mistral and Vacuo, after all.

robynhood: yeah somehow I doubt that tower’s going up anytime soon

robynhood: still not seeing what this has to do with the og comms channel being closed

LuckyCharm: well, you know what, what do I have to lose at this point? my life?

imthebirdguy: too soon

LuckyCharm: maybe I’ll get lucky ;)

imthebirdguy: TOO SOON

LuckyCharm: sorry. I may have seen a particular video involving a particular Special Operative fighting a particular huntsman.

LuckyCharm: I mentioned something about said particular huntsman having definitely won that fight, and also being rather dashing.

LuckyCharm: unfortunately, I had barely said that before someone behind me asked, “Clover, what’s so funny?”

LuckyCharm: IT WAS HER.

LuckyCharm: so I panicked and deleted the whole channel and said my scroll glitched, as you do in these situations.

robynhood: this just in: Clover Ebi is a gay DISASTER LMFAOOOOO

LuckyCharm: and you aren’t?

robynhood: touche

imthebirdguy: damn who was the lucky huntsman

PUNches: PFFF

imthebirdguy: fuck 

imthebirdguy: you read nothing yang xiao long

imthebirdguy: NOTHING

PUNches: you punned im so proud

imthebirdguy: IT WAS UNINTENTIONAL

PUNches: THAT MAKES IT BETTER OLD MAN

sword_n_shield: Uncle Qrow, hate to interrupt this tender family bonding moment but I think Clover’s about to jump out the window

imthebirdguy: EXCUSE ME WHAT

sword_n_shield: it’s only one story not like that

sword_n_shield: you’d better come sit on him

imthebirdguy: oh ok

imthebirdguy: wait

nyoompetals: @LuckyCharm @imthebirdguy please fucking make out already 

LuckyCharm: uh

imthebirdguy: pff good one pipsqueak

imthebirdguy: like cloves would ever like me back

noraYES: BACK?????!??!?!

imthebirdguy: FUCK that was autocorrect

LuckyCharm: I do and I’ve been flirting with you literally from day 1 you can’t possibly be this thick

robynhood: AHAHAHAHAHA

gonnabeMAY: you are tho clover

LuckyCharm: AND YOU CALLED ME THE HIMBO!

greenxleeves: no youre deffo the himbo in this relationship

greenxleeves: now smooch

imthebirdguy: you know what ok

imthebirdguy: clover where are you

LuckyCharm: same place I’ve been since we got here

imthebirdguy: yep that makes sense

imthebirdguy: omw

PENNYV2: They are SMOOCHING!

nyoompetals: FUCKING FINALLY

ospine: Indeed.

nyoompetals: …...Professor Ozpin?

ospine: Hello, Miss Rose. Oscar let me in front briefly to say, well… I’m glad Qrow did find some happiness. He deserves it. Truth be told, you all deserve much better than me.

ospine: im back

ospine: oz is still guilttrippin himself

nyoompetals: maybe hes guilttripping himself into a better person?

ospine: hope so

LittleLamb: WE BACK BITCHES

LittleLamb: BREAKING NEWS: IRONWOOD IS A BITCH-ASS MOTHERFUCKER

robynhood: we already knew that lol

LittleLamb: TRUE!

LittleLamb: just restating it for the former bootlicker in the back

shadowstrike: He might be a… little distracted for the near future :3

LittleLamb: oh fucking finally

PUNches: ikr it was getting physically painful to watch those two

imthebirdguy: I HATE YOU ALL

LuckyCharm: he doesn’t :)

imthebirdguy: i dont