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Delphine could hear the light buzzing of her phone on the desk followed by the beat and melody of Cosima’s favourite song, Water Prayer Rasta Mix. She hated it herself, and maybe it was because she found it so goddamn annoying that she decided to answer the phone. She was still angry at the dreadlocked woman. The words still hung in the air.
“Delphine, I don’t give a shit. That man threatened our future together, I’m not going to see him.”
“It’s my father, Cosima, and he doesn’t have long left.”
“I know that.” She sighed bringing her hands up to her forehead. “You can go. But I won’t.”
“I can’t believe you’re being like this right now. How can you be so selfish?”
“ME?” Rage boiled up in her veins. “I’m selfish?”
“Yes.” Delphine tried to stay calm, precise, to the point.
“You’re the one who is forcing me to forgive someone who almost ruined us! He didn’t even come to the wedding, Delphine. I will call you all the time you are there, and you can send my love to Danielle, but no. I’m not seeing him.”
Delphine couldn’t believe that she would have to make the trip back home alone. She needed Cosima. Needed her to console her if she started crying on the plane or to squeeze her hand when they saw him in hospital. Whenever Delphine had messed up or hurt her, she had always been forgiven. Cosima felt life was too short to hold grudges, so she couldn’t believe it when Cosima had refused to forgive her father.
“Get out.”
“What?” The brunette woman looked her wife dead in the eyes and furrowed her brow.
“I said get out.” Delphine’s face held no emotion. She sat down at the island and started to flick through a magazine. Cosima started to argue, but the words caught in her mouth. She was used to having shouting matches with Delphine, ones she would often win and would send the blonde woman away. This time, however, it was her turn to leave. She grabbed her coat and headed out the door. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her green phone.
“Sarah?”
“Hey, what’s up Cos?”
“You fancy a drink?” The british clone was silent for a few seconds.
“Too fuckin’ right. I’ll meet you at bobby’s in 10”
Delphine slid the unlock button on her phone and pressed it to her ear. She could hear the loud thump of music and obnoxious drunken laughter. The sound hit her in the stomach like baseball bat. Was Cosima calling to gloat? To tell her what an amazing night she was having without her? She’d done it before, of course, she often did it after petty little fights but this was something more, this was no fight they could brush under the carpet. Delphine was seconds away from hanging up and throwing her phone across the room when she heard Cosima’s unstable breathing punctuated by quick sniffles and high-pitched sobs. If the noise of the club had hurt her, Cosima’s crying had carved through her chest like a knife through butter. Neither spoke for several seconds. Or was it minutes? The sound of her wife so broken had dominated her brain and left her in limbo. Only Cosima’s strained voice dragged her back.
“I’m so sorry Delphine.” She waited for her girlfriend to reply. But no answer came. “I wa- I-fuck.” She continued to sob. “I want to be there.” More silence. “Just say something, Delphine. Please?” The neediness was apparent in her voice as she pleaded into the phone. There was a loud bang down the receiver that shot through Delphine’s ears. Cosima had thrown her phone down somewhere. The dialing tone rang out.
She looked up at their ceiling. Stay firm, don’t give in. She told herself. She has done this to you so many times, you can do it to her. It was true. Cosima had made her leave her apartment in Minnesota. Cosima had locked her out of their lab. Everytime they fought, it seemed to be Delphine leaving and having to work her way back in. Not this time. Definitely not this time. Her phone buzzed again, and she ended the call before the song could even begin. She ran her palms over her face, gripped onto her own hair and cried. It shouldn’t be this hard. She should be able to keep her distance from the woman for a few hours at least, but with every second that passed her arms grew cold from the absence of Cosima. The air tasted thin and lifeless and the silence, the silence that Delphine had become accustomed to on her own, only sought to remind her of Cosima’s voice. Fuck.
The fast paced melody made her jerk. She watched as the vibrations made her phone bounce along the table towards her. It had managed to wriggle its way to Delphine’s elbow, and nudged her violently until the call ended. She found herself immersed in that intolerable silence again, and although she did want to answer and let her wife believe she was ready to forgive, she ached for the phone to ring and give her the option. But it didn’t. The obnoxious tune with its reggae-beat and nonsensical ramblings stayed in the speakers. The bumping phone on her elbow stayed still. Sigh. Delphine unlocked her phone and pressed the call button. There sat Eskimo Pie. She breathed in deeply as the phone dialled Cosima’s number. She answered after one ring.
“Delphine?”
“Yes.” She smiled, but tried to keep it from Cosima as best as she could. “Are you at Bobby’s?”
“Umm, yeah,”
“Stay there, I will come and get you.”
There was a pause and Delphine would have bet her life that Cosima was smiling like a schoolgirl with a crush. “Okay…I love you”
“I know.”
_
They crash through the door. Cosima’s hands running up and down Delphine’s arms as the blonde woman pulls the brunette’s head to hers. Their teeth click together in their frenzied attempt to gain control of the kiss. Cosima was too drunk to focus on anything at one time, so whilst she was trying to unbutton Delphine’s shirt and kiss her, she ended up doing neither. “Stop Cosima. Stop.” She pulled away and looked up at Delphine with big eyes and a pouted bottom lip. Her wife removed both of their coats and hung them but before leading Cosima to their bedroom. She lay the brunette woman down on the bed and took off her clothes. Cosima took a second to think to herself. She gets more beautiful everyday. Delphine moved to take off her own clothes, and walked towards their chest of drawers. She pulled out two of her shirts and pulled one over her head. “Wait what-” Cosima interrupted herself with a light burp. “What are you doing.”
“You are too drunk, cherie. Here,” She threw the shirt to Cosima. “Put this on.”
The brunette clone obliged, still looking a bit upset at the lack of sex.
“Did you really mean it?” Delphine quizzed. “When you said you would come?”
Cosima looked puzzled for a second as she tried to work out what Delphine was saying and how to get under the covers.
“To see my father.” The blonde woman growled through gritted teeth.
“YES! Yes. Of course. Yes.” Delphine slinked around to her side of the bed and slipped under their sheets. They lay facing eachother, looking into brown eyes, one set black with alcohol and pot, the other glistened with love and content. Delphine reached out and stroked her wife’s cheek who tilted her head into the touch. “Goodnight, cherie. I love you.” Cosima smiled sleepily at her wife’s honeyed voice. “I love you too.”