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It had taken Renard years but, with the help of Henry and Raph, the world had finally been saved. It was the shining world, full of hope, that he only half remembered from his childhood.
His memory wasn’t what it used to be. He’d meddled in time too much and altered his own past so much that nowadays he often got confused about which memories were real and which ones belonged to a cancelled timeline. However, he’d managed to avoid becoming the mad version of himself with half his face burnt.
Henry helped him keep everything straight. The two of them hadn’t met in Necrophiliac Prison because it had never existed, there were no zombies, Joseph had been erased from time (meaning that the Missionaries had never been founded) and Constance had married a political activist who she lived a happy life with.
Renard just had one more trip to make and then he could retire.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Henry asked, “maybe you should just leave them to make their own choices.”
“No, I need to do this,” Renard said, “in this version of reality, we never met them but I still owe them and they deserve a happily ever after.”
“Okay,” Henry said, “you know what you’ve got to do?”
“Yes, I’ll be back in a minute,” he said. He pressed a few buttons on his time machine and disappeared.
Judith wasn’t happy when zie was woken by someone ringing zir doorbell at 10:34pm. Zie’d wanted an early night.
Judith was a police officer. There wasn’t much crime anymore and zir job mainly consisted of paid community service. Zie’d finished a tiring day planting, weeding and litter picking in the local park, and all zie’d wanted was to sleep.
Muttering in annoyance to zirself, Judith got up, pulled on a dressing gown, left zir bedroom and opened the front door.
On zir doorstep was a man Judith was sure zie’d never seen before. However, at the same time, there was something so familiar about him. It was as if zie’d know him zir whole life. He was large and dressed in black clothes with a black hat. He probably would have looked slightly intimidating if it hadn’t been for the goofy smile and kind blue eyes.
“What is it?” Judith asked, still unhappy that zie’d been woken up.
“Good afternoon!” he said cheerfully.
“Good evening,” zie corrected.
“What?” he asked confused, his smile fading slightly.
“It’s evening, so say good evening,” Judith told him.
“Good evening then,” he said, “um… allow me to offer you… um… crap, you’ve confused me.”
“I’m going to close the door,” Judith said, starting to pull it to.
“No, wait, I’ve got it!” he said quickly. With a sigh, zie opened the door again. “Allow me to ask you a question,” he pulled some cue cards from his pocket and started reading from them, “do you feel safe? No, because crime reigns in our streets…”
“No, it doesn’t,” Judith interrupted, “it’s at an all time low.”
“Today,” he continued to read but with a slightly panicked look on his face, “at the start of the 22nd century, everyone has the right to…”
“You’re a bodyguard?” zie asked.
“Yes,” he said nodding, “I’m a freelancer.”
“You’re in the wrong job,” zie told him, “who needs bodyguards any more?”
“Let me ask you something else,” he said, the panic starting to show in his voice now, “how much is your safety worth to you?”
“I’m not interested.”
He looked up from his cards, then stopped and stared at zir, his mouth hanging open slightly.
“What?” zie asked, feeling slightly uncomfortable.
“I know you,” he said, his voice confused, “I’m sure I’ve met you before.”
After a moment’s pause, Judith laughed. “Better change your sales pitch, pal,” zie said and slammed the door.
Zie was just heading back to bed when zie heard a strange noise. It sounded as if a small part of the universe was being ripped apart. The air in front of zir crackled and a man stepped out of nowhere. Judith stumbled back in shock and fear.
The man looked to be in his late 70s or early 80s. He was wearing a long brown coat and fingerless gloves. He was staring at zir as if zie was some sort of miracle.
“Who the hell are you,” zie asked, grabbing a vase of flowers from a table and holding it above zir head like a weapon, “and how did you get in here?”
“NO!” he cried, “you’re about to make the worst mistake of your life. When that man rings your doorbell again, don’t turn him away!”
“Why not?”
“Because if you do, here’s what’s going to happen!” he said dramatically, “he will keep bothering you all night and trying to get you to employ him. When you refuse, he will offer to work for free and you’ll take him up on it.”
“So?” Judith asked. Zie put the vase down. He didn’t seem intent on hurting zir.
“Hear me out,” the man said, “he’ll work for you and, despite the fact that you treat him like dirt, he’ll fall head over heels in love with you. You’ll never find a partner because he’ll scare them all away and you’ll both be miserable.”
“That does sound like it will suck,” zie admitted.
“But wait!” he cried, “there’s more. If you invite him in next time he rings the bell, you’ll get chatting. You’ll find out that he’s a really nice guy and you’ll end up being friends. Eventually, he’ll pluck up the courage to ask you out. You’ll say yes and after dating for two years, you’ll get married and live a long and happy life together.”
A machine on his wrist started beeping and he quickly said, “I’ve got to go. Remember, don’t turn him away.” He pressed a few buttons on the machine and disappeared the same way he’d arrived.
Judith stood there stunned. The doorbell rang and zie unfroze. Zie slowly walked over and opened it. Sure enough, it was the man who’d rang only a few minutes ago.
“What is it?” Judith asked, not sure what else to say.
“Sorry,” he said embarrassed. He held out a leaflet.
“I don’t want or need a bodyguard,” zie said.
“Fair enough, but nothing ventured, nothing gained,” he said with a cheeky grin, “it’s just, I feel like I know you from somewhere.”
“Look,” Judith said with a sigh. Zie took a deep breath and said, “I get the feeling that you’re not going to leave me alone tonight but I’m not going to employ you.”
“Sorry ma’am.”
“It’s sir’ram.”
“Sorry sir’ram.”
“Stop saying sorry,” zie said, rolling zir eyes, “it’s pathetic. You’re supposed to be commanding respect.”
“Normally that’s not a problem,” he said with a small laugh, “but with you… it’s different. I don’t know why.”
“We can talk about it if you like,” zie offered.
“How’s that?” he asked confused.
“You’ve already ruined my evening but you can make up for it, if you like,” zie opened the door wider and stepped to the side, “would you like a drink?”
“Yes please!” he said happily. He took a step forwards, then stopped. “You’re not going to shoot me or anything, are you?”
“No, of course not,” zie said smiling slightly.
“I’m Mattéo,” he said stepping inside.
“I’m Judith.”