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The funeral is extremely overwhelming.
The sight of the gravestone hammers it home, makes it far more real than Felicity would ever truly want to admit to herself. No matter where Oliver is now, and she’ll argue the fine points of his ‘death’ to the ends of her days, she still has to go on living in this realm without him and that’s a truth she doesn’t really want to admit.
On the other side, however, it warms her heart to see so many of the people that have marked the last years of Oliver’s life on this earth come out to remember him. She’s grateful to Barry and Kara for making the trip, as well as Nyssa and Talia, the latter of which truly surprises her.
And then, of course, there’s the true wildcard in all of this.
Mia.
Not the infant tucked safely inside with her grandmother, but instead, a fully-grown adult version of Oliver and Felicity’s daughter traveled back from the future. That certainly wasn’t the thing Felicity thought she’d be struggling to wrap her head around today.
Despite the utter craziness of the fact that her twenty-one-year-old daughter is here to watch her father’s funeral whilst her infant counterpart rests inside with Felicity’s mother, Felicity finds herself grateful to Sara for thinking to bring Mia back. Not only does the sight of her prove to Felicity that she can raise a confident, intelligent, and kind human all on her own, it gives her the comfort of knowing that Mia has had the chance to interact with her father and know just how precious she is to them all. That’s information she wouldn’t trade for anything.
Plus, the way William seems to be clinging to his (grown) younger sister since she rescued him yesterday is nothing short of adorable. Seeing the two of them interact, even in this most unconventional of format, makes her heart glow with affection for them both.
She just wishes Oliver could’ve been here to see it.
The funeral comes to a close and the non-family members begin to say their goodbyes, offering condolences and hugs to them all as they make their way to their cars. John lingers the longest, wrapping him up in his huge arms and kissing her forehead in the way that has always reassured her everything will be okay. It has the same calming effect now and she manages a small smile as they pull apart, ensuring to make him promise to bring the kids to say goodbye before they head off to Metropolis.
With the Diggles gone, it leaves only family and Tommy, who seems to be pretty vital in keeping Moira on her feet at this point. Felicity moves towards the grave, where William and Mia are stood, staring forlornly at the inscription that puts such a finite mark to their father’s life.
“Hey.” She whispers softly and both their heads turn to look at her, eyes filled with tears and both looking entirely lost. They split in the middle where they’d been clinging to one another and each attach themselves to one of her sides. Felicity sighs softly and turns her head, pressing a kiss first to William’s hair and then to Mia’s forehead.
“I can’t believe he’s really gone.” William whispers and Felicity swallows the thick lump in her throat, tears still streaming down her cheeks. She desperately tries to think of what she can say to even reassure William in the slightest but she comes up blank.
Luckily, it seems Mia is not in the same boat.
“He’s not gone fully. He lives on in you and in me and in the stories that Mom will tell us about him. We keep him in our hearts and that’s how he’ll live on forever.” Mia tells her older brother, tilting her head so that she can look at William with a soft smile. Felicity watches as the teenager’s brow furrows before he looks back at Felicity, biting his lip.
“I don’t like this whole her knowing the future thing,” William tells her and Felicity cannot help the snort that bubbles through her. Mia also grins with a chuckle, sniffling through her tears. A small smile also spreads across William’s face and Felicity feels a weight lift off her heart. She knows some might find it disrespectful to be smiling as they stand at the grave of their lost husband and father but Felicity knows that all Oliver wanted, in the end, was for them all to be happy.
It would make him smile too to see them smiling.
“Only time in my life I know more than you, big brother. You’ve got to let me have this one.” Mia teases and the affection is so clear in her voice as she looks over at the younger version of her brother. It’s extremely comforting to Felicity to see how much she clearly adores him, even though this isn’t version she’s used to. It allows the mother to breathe easy knowing that, at the very least, her children will always have each other to lean on.
“Felicity?” The voice startles her and Felicity turns to see Thea looking at the trio with a soft smile. She holds up a hand in apology, her eyes softening considerably as she looks over at William. “I don’t want to rush you but we’re going to take Mom inside.”
“Okay, thanks, Thea.” Felicity nods softly, giving her sister-in-law the best reassuring smile she can manage and Thea nods, sniffling and wiping her tears herself before she turns to take Roy’s hand and follow Moira and Tommy inside.
“Raisa made some food and things, when you’re ready,” Felicity says as a gentle explanation as she turns back to the kids. William nods and wraps an arm around her, leaning his head on her shoulder. The fact that he’s even capable of offering her support right now makes Felicity’s heart glow with affection for him. He’s such a sweet boy and she’s just so grateful that she’s getting to witness his light and warm heart again.
Mia seems far less relaxed, her shoulders suddenly tense and her body language screaming discomfort. Felicity brushes a gentle kiss to William’s temple before she turns to look at her daughter, squeezing their connected hands to offer her some comfort for whatever’s got her so freaked.
“Wait, am… am I in there?” She questions, looking back at Felicity with the same nervous wide eyes she approached her with earlier. Felicity swallows, realizing that she’s referring to the infant version of herself who is indeed inside with Donna.
“Yes,” Felicity confirms, watching the way Mia’s eyes blow wide. She can’t say she can blame Mia for being nervous, meeting your infant self is hardly an everyday activity.
“I’m not going to blow a hole in the universe if I interact with myself, am I?” Mia questions and Felicity feels her lips quirk. It’s unsurprising Mia seems to have a healthy knowledge of sci-fi, she was raised by Felicity after all, but it makes her happy to see it nonetheless.
“Eh, we’ll just get Sara to put it back together again if you do.” Felicity teases, squeezing Mia’s hand again.
“If you’re sure…” Mia replies, obviously less sure and Felicity squeezes her hand again to try and convince.
Once again, however, her other child has exactly the right words.
“Mia, please come inside. I don’t want you to go just yet.” William tells his sister, lifting his head from Felicity’s shoulder and turning an excellent pair of puppy dog eyes onto Mia. Felicity can see the moment Mia relents, her shoulders slumping as she nods her head.
“Okay.”
Despite the decision, none of them makes an effort to move. Mia loops herself back under Felicity’s arm, cuddling close to her mother just like her brother. It’s a little strange for Felicity, having only met her properly less than an hour ago, but Mia is so clearly comfortable that Felicity relaxes almost immediately.
After a while, William steps forward, disentangling himself from Felicity to bend down in front of the grave. She can’t hear what he says as he whispers to the stone but she’s grateful for Mia wrapping an arm around her waist to stabilize her as William reaches out and brushes his fingers over the engraving of the word ‘father’.
Her tears start to fall again as she watches William, unable to think of anything but how his formative years have been marked by tragedy. He’s suffered so much in his short life and Felicity wishes more than anything that she could do something to take some of his suffering away.
“Do you want to say goodbye?” Mia questions softly as William finishes and stands, coming back to Felicity’s side like a magnet.
Felicity swallows, tracing her eyes over the gravestone once more. It’s so finite, so concrete, and nothing like Oliver at all but it’s not her issues with the headstone that make her shake her head in response to Mia’s words.
“No, I don’t need to. He’s coming with us.” She tells her children, smiling gently at them. Mia nods, a single tear tracing down her cheek and William sighs heavily, lifting his free hand to wipe away his tears. “C’mon. Let’s go inside.”
The trio take their time, hands remaining interlinked as they make their way into the mansion. Felicity concentrates on William and Mia and holding their hands, rather than the sinking feeling that settles in her stomach at the thought of walking away from Oliver’s grave.
Stepping inside the mansion, the change in atmosphere is almost instantaneous, mostly due to the soft whining of baby Mia. There’s also a low hum as the other occupants speak softly to one another where they’re congregated in the sitting room. Whilst it’s not an overwhelming amount of noise, stepping into it from the quiet peace of the gravesite is startling.
Both William and Mia’s steps grow more hesitant as they approach the entrance to the room so Felicity does her best to reassure them with a smile as they round the corner and enter the space.
“Oh baby girl, look!” Donna speaks to the whining baby Mia as soon as she spots her daughter enter the room. Felicity cannot help but smile as her mother carries her infant across the space. Baby Mia calms for a moment as she looks at her mother, before her whines grow louder as she reaches out for her. Felicity is slow in disentangling her hands from William and the adult version of Mia, not wanting them to feel as if she’s abandoning them for the baby, before she lifts the infant into her arms.
Felicity releases a content sigh as baby Mia curls into her, nuzzling her little head into her neck. Her cries finally lessen and Felicity hums, peppering a few kisses to the top of the baby’s head where she’s finally starting to sprout some hair.
“Thanks for watching her, Mom. I know she couldn’t have processed it but I didn’t want her to see it nonetheless.” She smiles over at her mom who shakes her head, cooing at Mia as Felicity bounces her a little.
“I know, baby, it’s okay. Anything for my little munchkin.” Donna grins, tickling the baby under her chin and laughing as it makes Mia giggle. She steps back, taking in who’s with Felicity properly for the first time and Felicity smiles as her hand flies to her heart with a loud gasp at the sight of William. “Oh, my goodness, William, is that you? You’ve gotten so tall!”
“Hi, Savta.” The teenager smiles nervously and Felicity feels the guttural choke that her mother lets out as William refers to Donna as his grandmother. She told him he could do so if he was comfortable when they first met two years ago but it never particularly stuck. To hear it sound so organic as he smiles at Donna sends a piercing punch to Felicity’s gut.
This is all she’s wanted for so long. To have William home with her and see him interact with his family in such a warm manner makes her heart glow. She finds herself forgetting and turns to smile at her husband but, of course, he isn’t there.
Instead, she turns to see Mia, who is looking between the infant version of herself in Felicity’s arms and her grandmother with wide eyes. Felicity finds herself wincing, realizing that this must be wholly overwhelming for Mia but her daughter surprises her once more with her clear strength as she swallows heavily and smiles at her.
“Oh, my angel, it is so good to see you.”
Both of their attentions are drawn back to Donna as she reaches towards William tentatively with her arms open. William smiles gently and steps forward into her offered hug.
“It’s really good to see you too, Savta.”
Felicity sucks her lip back into her mouth, having to hide a grin as William’s eyes blow wide at the obvious force of Donna’s embrace. William takes it in his stride, hugging his grandmother back with some clear force of his own but Felicity has to cough to hide her laugh when Donna starts to shake him within the embrace. She finally takes pity on the poor boy, knowing from experience how suffocating her mother’s hugs can be, and turns to her son. “Will? You want to meet your baby sister?”
It gets Donna to step back and William nods, stepping forwards towards her with wide eyes and a nervous element to his steps. Felicity adjusts Mia in her arms, turning to hold her so that’s she’s facing her brother and like clockwork, the baby’s face lights up.
“She’s bigger than I expected,” William comments as he stops just in front of her and the look of pure amazement on his face makes Felicity want to sob all over again. She’s been waiting for this moment since she found out she was pregnant with Mia and if the way her heart is hammering is any indication, it’s certainly not disappointing.
“She’s grown a lot in the last few months. Is even starting to…”
Felicity is interrupted as Mia lets out a long babble of nonsense, reaching out towards her brother with her hands grabbing in impatience.
“Oh.” William startles, surprised at the sudden reaction from the baby and Felicity chuckles as he looks nervously up at her with his arms outstretched.
“It’s okay, go ahead.” She prompts, honestly struggling to hold onto the squirming baby as she attempts to fling herself into her brother’s arms.
He’s extremely tentative at first, obviously scared of hurting his sister, but once he realizes her weight and how he needs to hold her, he’s an utter natural as he adjusts her in his arms perfectly. The sight of her in his arms pushes Felicity over the edge, her body wracking with a sob and she’s grateful when she stumbles back slightly only to be caught by Tommy, who seemingly appears out of nowhere to wrap a comforting and grounding arm around her waist.
“Damn, those are some stellar kids you’ve got there, Smoak.” He tells her softly, his voice low and quiet as they both keep their eyes on the utter marvel that is William pulling faces at his baby sister.
“That’s Smoak-Queen to you, Merlyn.” Felicity counters, the easy banter that she’s always had with Tommy flowing as simply as breathing. She’s been so grateful to him over the past month. He’s made a real effort to visit and spend time with Mia as well as sitting with Felicity and forcing her at the very least to eat and drink. She knows that he’s also been integral in supporting Moira and Thea through the tragedy of losing Oliver and she’s just so grateful to be able to call him her friend.
“Touché ma’am.” He counters and Felicity sniffles with a small smile, leaning into him as he presses a brotherly kiss to the top of her head. “Ah, you must be the time-traveling version of that munchkin over there. Tommy Merlyn at your service.”
Felicity tears her eyes away from William and baby Mia to see Tommy extending his hand to the adult version of Mia with his usual charm and flair. Mia, however, seems to be very used to it as she rolls her eyes and guides him through some form of handshake that utterly delights Tommy.
“I know who you are, Uncle Tommy.” She scoffs with an affectionate grin once she’s finished and Tommy’s eyes blow wide, his face lighting up.
“I’m Uncle Tommy?” He questions, looking between Mia and Felicity with an incredulously happy expression on his face.
“Duh,” Felicity replies as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, which it is to her. She and Oliver may not have any brothers but their children have a multitude of uncles and it’s clear that Tommy is one of them.
“Okay, tell me the most important thing, Miss Mia? Do I age well?” Tommy questions, his tone posing it as if it’s a life or death question and Felicity is grateful for his ability to provide levity to any situation. It’s clear that he’s calming Mia considerably as well, as she crosses her arms and pretends to think very hard about his question.
“Well, where I’m from you’re almost 55…” She starts and Tommy gasps as if that’s news to him but then Mia breaks, shaking her head with a smile. “But you don’t look a day over 50.”
“I knew I liked you, Miss Mia.” Tommy grins, leading her back through the handshake she just showed him and Felicity shakes her head with a soft smile, turning quickly back to where William is lifting baby Mia in the air and swooping her back down. The baby is giggling at her big brother and Felicity’s heart clenches at the smile painted wide on William’s face.
How she wishes all this joy didn’t feel so bittersweet.
“Is this okay?” William asks, obviously referring to his playful actions even as he stops and adjusts Mia to sit on his hip. Felicity smiles at him softly, reaching out to brush his hair back from his face.
“You’re a natural, hon.” She promises and feels her stomach twist at the way William’s face lights up. He’s so happy to be considered a good big brother and that makes Felicity so deliriously happy.
Baby Mia suddenly reaches out towards Felicity, her face contorting as she lets out a loud whine. The sudden change in the baby’s demeanor clearly startles William and he looks over at Felicity, clearly worried he’s done something wrong.
“You’re fine, don’t worry. She’s just fussy at the moment because she’s teething.” Felicity explains, smiling as William immediately calms. Mia lets out a long babble, her hands pulling at Felicity’s top and the mother sighs, gently batting her hands away. “Alright, looks like someone’s hungry. You good here for a few?”
William looks at her for a moment, his eyes flashing in fear until movement at the door makes him turn and he visibly relaxes at the sight of Moira, Thea, and Roy.
“Hello, my darlings.” Moira offers softly as she approaches, placing a gentle hand on William’s shoulder and reaches out to gentle brush Mia’s cheek. William inches closer to his grandmother, someone he’s always been close to and comfortable around, but Mia, who is growing fussier by the moment, shirks back into Felicity’s arms with a loud cry.
“Okay, that’s definitely our cue to get you some formula.” Felicity winces, bouncing the infant with an apologetic look at Moira who waves her off with a smile.
“Go, I’m good,” William tells her with a small smile, it only increasing when Thea appears on his other side, dropping a kiss on the top of his head. Felicity lingers for a moment, double-checking that he’s telling the truth, but then Mia wails once more and she winces, leaning over to kiss William on the forehead quickly before she rushes off to the kitchen.
Mia is grumpy as Felicity feeds her the bottle, looking out across the landscape of the Queen mansion park. She knows the baby isn’t quite ready to be weened and she wants Mia to take it at her own pace, but the appearance of her teeth and Mia’s adjustment to them has meant that breastfeeding at the moment can take quite the painful turn for Felicity. After everything today, she’s not sure she wants to add that to her plate.
The baby finally settles and Felicity revels in the quiet moment to herself. It’s strange, she’s had nothing but quiet for a month and the events of the past forty-eight hours have been utterly exhausting.
She wouldn’t change them for the world. The chance to hold William again and to meet the adult version of Mia have been indescribable to Felicity but the reality of what’s caused it, the price that comes with such joy, makes her want to crawl right back into her bed again.
However, she knows now that it’s not what she needs, no matter if it’s what she wants. Surrounding herself with the people who loved Oliver and who Oliver loved has given her far more peace than the last month in bed did and she knows that she needs to be strong now, for her children if not for herself.
Mia finishes the bottle and Felicity carries her back through to the sitting room, turning to put the baby back into her crib in the corner of the room. Tommy swoops in just before she can, scooping one arm under baby Mia’s butt and the other wrapping around her torso.
“C’mere, I want my Mia cuddles.” He states declaratively, grinning happily as he spins the baby in his arms and lifts her high above his head. He blows a few raspberries on her stomach which make her squeal excitedly before swooping her down to pepper her cheeks noisily with kisses. “Hi, baby girl. Yup, you’re going to grow up and learn to flatter your Uncle Tommy. Yes, you are. Yes, you are.”
Felicity snorts and rolls her eyes affectionately, leaving Tommy with the baby as she makes her way back over to where William is stood with Moira and Thea. As she approaches, the adult version Mia does so too and Felicity smiles at her, opening her arm.
The young woman holds back for a second before she cuddles into her mother’s side, having to bend her neck at an awkward angle but nuzzling in nonetheless. Felicity sighs, leaning into the embrace and holding her daughter tightly, still amazed at the opportunity to do so.
She stands there, in the sitting room of a house she used to be terrified to enter, surrounded by people she once struggled to get along with but that she now calls her family. It’s the strangest feeling, to be so utterly heartbroken and yet for her heart to be so full of love and she knows that no matter how much her heart aches at the thought that Oliver is no longer with them, that the happiness of the people in this room is exactly what he sacrificed so much for.
None of them are truly happy, it’s practically impossible to be so soon after losing Oliver, but Felicity feels safe in the knowledge that pouring as much love as she can into the people he loved is the best way to honor him.
And she knows that the sight of them all together, leaning on each other as they assist each other through their grief, would make Oliver smile, wherever it is that the next step of his journey has taken him.
Felicity knows that Mia’s words are right. Oliver will never be truly gone so long as they keep him in their hearts and Felicity also knows that task will be easy as she carries a piece of his heart wherever she goes, just like he has a piece of hers.
And someday, when they’re both ready, she’ll hold onto her promise and she will find him again.