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Arthur inhaled deeply as he reached the top of the tower, the fresh air filling his lungs with a strange sort of solace. Summer had passed, and with it the suffocating heat and cricket's chants. Autumn had yet to settle with rain and wind, as if the world itself was holding its breath, trapped between the two realities without mean of escape.
The moon had long forfeited the right to master the night, but the sun had yet to show its first rays, safely hidden behind the mountains. Only the stars were retaining their timeless glory, distant shepherds looking down on humanity with twinkling eyes. Even the wind had quieted down, despite the height, leaving only the silence to bask in, as if mindful of the man leaning over the battlements.
Merlin was there, just as Arthur had anticipated. Still dressed in his working attire - he had foregone the red waistcoat, but kept both shirt and trousers - he was looking toward Camelot, the city lights simmering in the distance like wildfires, here and there masked by the dance of The Dragon's beacons. A shiver ran down Arthur's spine at the sight, despite the remnants of summer holding the world prisoner, and fear seized his heart, unrelentingly cold.
Squaring his shoulders, Arthur walked ahead, the sound of his steps barely audible to his own ears, masked by the wild pounding of his heart. He leaned onto the battlements right next to his husband, throat tight, and let his gaze lose itself into the night.
After Valiant had been taken into custody and Cenred had vacated the premises with Morgause, it hadn't taken long for Arthur and Merlin to disappear, leaving behind the casino's employees to fend for themselves. Leon had understood, thankfully, how Arthur urged to be alone with Merlin, safe from the stares of the patrons, the worry of their friends, and away from the impending threats hovering over their heads like ill omens.
Arthur had tugged Merlin by the arms until they'd reached the first room available, and had pressed his husband against the door, his body too close, heartbeat too quick, hands too tight on Merlin's back. He had held Merlin, shaking, fear and fury lapping over his heart like waves on sand, and Merlin had closed his arms around him as well, holding him just as fiercely, burying his face in Arthur's neck and promising that he was alright, over and over again, until Arthur believed him.
They'd had barely minutes before Percival had come knocking, quietly apologetic, as Arthur was needed to appease the clients, shocked and shaken after having witnessed the whole Valiant debacle. Arthur had nearly snapped at Percival, fear and adrenaline still high in his blood, restraining himself through sheer force of will. It had been Merlin who'd convinced him in the end - now that Cenred had agreed to meet with Arthur, not maintaining his usual persona would put all their lives at risk. People would wonder. People would ask questions. And if, one way or another, any of them found an answer, their plan would be forfeit.
They couldn't afford to be discovered so close to the end.
So Arthur had went, closely followed by Percival, putting on a smile for the benefit of the bystanders while his heart remained with his husband, the heady feelings coursing through him making it difficult to navigate the precisely coded interactions of the high society. Merlin, for his part, had returned to work with both Lancelot and Elena at his side, Gwaine's watchful eyes the only thing stopping Arthur from locking him up in a secured room, where none but himself could reach him.
It was only hours later that Arthur had managed to extricate himself from his obligations - clearing their stories with Gwen, checking in with Morgana, sending Mithian back to Freya in order to work out the technicalities of Valiant's arrest and the subsequent shift of power over the Islands - and joined Merlin at the top of the highest tower of the castle, where he knew his husband would be waiting.
"How are you ?" Arthur asked after long minutes of silence, anxiety tightening his throat until he could barely breathe.
He tried to catch Merlin's eyes, but his husband was looking away, hand caressing distractedly the dragon-shaped stone looming over the casino's entrance. Irrational fear wrapped itself around Arthur's heart and he put a hand on Merlin's forearm, silently pleading him to look back at him.
"Not well," Merlin finally replied, though his gaze didn't waver in its scrutiny of the nearby town.
He put his other hand over Arthur's, allowing him to relax fractionally. His skin was unsurprisingly cold, and Arthur sighed before entwining their fingers together, squeezing tightly.
"I'm not sure you know what Valiant said," Merlin added, voice soft as a whisper, but carrying effortlessly in the silence surrounding them. "I'm not sure you should." He shuddered. "But that is not something that will be easy to forget. Being threatened with..."
Arthur felt Merlin's body tense beside him, and he knew then, put the pieces together with what he knew of Valiant and what he'd gathered from Elyan's and Percival's exchange. He knew what had been said, and suddenly wished nothing more than have Valiant in front of him again, to hurt him, kill him even, and to take Merlin away where he could never be hurt again. To wrap him in his arms and promise that they would be safe.
He didn't move.
"I'm sorry," he said instead, desperately trying to erase the splintering of his voice, to keep his tone even. "I should never have let..."
"That wasn't your fault," Merlin interrupted him gently, never removing his hand from Arthur's hold, but not meeting his gaze either. "You did what you had to. I will just need some time."
"Do you want me to leave ?" Arthur asked, carefully, dreading the answer but knowing he would obey whatever Merlin demanded of him.
There was a second of silence, the uncertain breathing of the wind around them, but Merlin didn't answer. Instead, he stated :
"I talked to Lance while you were off with Perce. Did you know that Cenred offered him five thousand pounds after he won the game ? As a gift for his child."
Arthur's throat worked noisily as he swallowed, easily understanding the implications. Cenred knowing that Gwen was pregnant, even after only been in the country for a few hours, meant that he had someone giving him information - or, in default of spies, that he'd set up a system of surveillance allowing him access to details about Arthur's people and their private lives.
Lance and Gwen had never tried to keep the pregnancy hidden, but they hadn't been vocal about it, either. Cenred couldn't have learned about it without having actively searched. He hadn't simply been told, and Arthur knew Merlin feared what it could mean for them all.
"Gwen is a trained police officer," Arthur finally settled on as an answer, despite knowing it wouldn't be nearly enough to reassure Merlin. "She can handle herself, and she's always at the office when Lance is working."
"I know," Merlin replied, though his words lacked conviction. "I just thought...well, if he knows about Gwen, how long until he learns about mum ? How long until he learns about your father, too ? What guarantee do we have that he doesn't already know?"
Arthur squeezed his hand, for lack of things to say. If Cenred had indeed discovered these information, it wouldn't be long until he found out Arthur's deepest secret. And if word went out that Arthur had been in the army... Arthur fought a shudder as Merlin's voice resounded once again, too soft, almost lifeless :
"You know, when you proposed to me all those years ago, this is not how I envisioned our married life," he whispered. "I mean, I wanted it all. Completing my studies without having to fear for my mum's business. Working in a casino, owning one, having my closest friends there, my mum being happy."
He took a deep breath, unaware that Arthur's was trapped in his lungs, utterly silent, his world ready to be shattered.
"And you. Gods, Arthur, meeting you was..." He shook his head. "I will always cherish that day. But..."
Merlin extricated his hand from Arthur's grip, resting it over his own heart instead, where Arthur knew his tattoo was hidden. He brought a hand to his own, reflexively, heart hammering in his chest as he traced the delicate black lines.
"Two years," Merlin started again. "I waited two years for you to come back. I promised myself...I knew it would be worth it. And it is, it is so fucking worth it, being with you."
Arthur closed his eyes, the promise of tears burning behind his eyelids.
"But it's hard, Arthur. I had to watch you kiss another woman tonight - because I might have been killed if you hadn't. I know you didn't have a choice," Merlin continued when he felt Arthur was about to protest. "I know you would never have done it otherwise. But you did."
His fingers clenched were they rested over his chest, and Arthur fought the urge to hold him.
"I had to watch a known murderer trail his gun on you," Merlin added, a heartbreaking rawness marring his voice. "I had to stand there, wondering if it was the last time I would ever see you alive. And I know why you're doing this, I know. But you've already done so much."
At that Merlin trailed off, as if suddenly suffocated, the weight of the words too heavy on his tongue.
"I just wish..."
He shook his head and let silence fall once more. The world quieted around them, as if holding its breath, and Arthur worked his jaw without sound, feeling as if the ground was opening up under his feet, ready to swallow him whole. Still, he pushed on :
"I understand," he said, fighting to stave off the tremors of his hands. "If that is what you want, I can have my father away from Ealdor as soon as tomorrow. You needn't worry about your mother, I'll find somewhere else. And I won't...I can't stop now. I have to take out Cenred, I have to, but you...you can..."
He looked away from his husband, letting his gaze wander over the colorful lights dancing around them. Forcing himself to speak then was one of the hardest things he'd done in his entire life, yet he knew remaining silent would tear him apart.
"You can go." His words fell like a blade on a chopping block. "I won't holding it against you. You deserve better than..."
He didn't get to finish, however, as Merlin whipped around, wide blue eyes meeting his in a clash of intent.
"What ?" he breathed out, stunned. "No ! Arthur..."
Arthur looked away, jaw set and helpless. He barely reacted when Merlin grabbed his shoulders, fingers digging in painfully, forcing him to turn back around.
"Arthur," Merlin ordered, voice shaky, "look at me. I am not leaving. Okay ? I am not leaving you. I promised you that, remember ? I won't go back on my vow now. This, us," he gestured between them, looking frantic, "isn't up to discussion. I'm staying, okay ? I'm staying with you."
He ended his tirade, breathless as the air found its way to Arthur's lungs, easing the vice-like grip of fear around his heart. Merlin took a step forward, moving his hands from Arthur's shoulders to his face instead, almost reverent in its caress.
"I'm staying with you," he repeated, voice broken.
Relief swamped Arthur's nerves and left him trembling as he pulled his husband to his chest, winding one arm around his waist, holding him tight. He could feel Merlin breathe against his neck, air caressing skin, and he let the emotions wash over him.
"I love you," he murmured, fervent. "I never want you to leave. I just can't bear the thought that..."
"I know," Merlin replied, just as certain. "Believe me, Arthur, I know. But it's too late for doubt now. We're in this together, and I wouldn't get out even if I could. I made my choice the day I watched you go with your ring in my hand. I waited for you then ; I am standing by you now. Do not take that choice away from me."
Moved beyond words, Arthur cupped Merlin's cheeks between his palms, angling his head. Their lips met, searching, tongues tangling in an open-mouthed kiss, with a tenderness neither had expected.
"Are you sure ?" Arthur asked one last time, pressing his forehead against Merlin's, rocking against the tenuous point of contact. "Merlin, you have to...you have to be sure. Promise me."
Merlin's laugh was gentle, yet tinted with sadness.
"Yes," he replied, voice soft. "I am sure. I promise."
Heart beating hard against his ribs, Arthur contemplated his husband, the words pushing past his lips without prompting.
"Merlin...I promise, once Cenred is out, I'm done. I'm done with all of this. It'll just be you, and me, and this casino. I promise you."
It is so fucking worth it, being with you, Merlin had said. Looking at his husband's brilliant smile, Arthur couldn't agree more.