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Team looked at Pharm’s arm in awe, the colorful petals that had not been there last time they saw each other captivated his full attention. The soft pink swirl of the Camellia mixed with the pure white Daisies beautifully, but what really stood out was the bright red Chrysanthemums in the center of the bouquet. It ran up Pharm’s right forearm so delicately they looked as if Team could pick one right off his skin. He had done it, Pharm had met his soulmate, his seed had finally blossomed.
“I’m really happy for you, Pharm.” Team smiled, but his eyes twinkled with something else. Something that seemed to always follow Team around recently.
Pharm smiled softly and pinched Team’s arm, “Stop this is so embarrassing.” His cheeks had been pink since Manaow had pointed out the colors through his shirt, but he was definitely happy.
“How did it feel when they bloomed?” Del was leaning forward with excitement. Everyone dreamed of the day their seed would bloom, it was like a right of passage. You found your soulmate and the understanding of what each flower means carried a weight that those with seeds couldn’t grasp yet. Everyone waited for the moment their seed bloomed with bated breath.
Pharm cocked his head in thought, trying to put into words the feeling of the flowers blooming in his skin, it was almost indescribable to those who hadn’t felt it themselves. “It felt like a warmth going up my arm and it kind of tickled.” He giggled lightly.
Team looked at Pharm intently. It was like Pharm was glowing now, which would make sense. He had found his soulmate, the person who would love him forever, and Team was extremely happy for his friend. But he also felt something terrible, something that he shouldn’t be. His stomach kept clenching with something- something he did not want to name- while he looked at his friend, looked at the girls who soon would find theirs too. He was just about to make an excuse to leave when he heard him. His whole world stopped at the sound of his laugh and his stomach twisted again, this time harder.
“P’Dean, P’Win, You are here early!” Manaow teased, batting her eyelashes as Del pushed her shoulder lightly.
Win held up Dean’s left arm and shook it lightly, “Fate demanded we be here.” Team only glanced up for a second before his eyes focused on the new colors on Dean’s skin. Blossoms. Oh.
These were slightly different then the ones on Pharms arm. Dean’s bouquet was edged with blushing peach Begonias and Fern leaves that looped around the center cluster of Red Chrysanthemums. It was more put together then Pharm’s, more structured but just as beautiful. But the center was a dead give away. They had found each other and bloomed. The Chrysanthemums told him so, they spoke in their own language but the message was clear. “I love you.”
Team could feel his chest tighten at the sight of them. All he could see was wilting flowers. A seed that would never sprout. It felt like the petals that weren’t on his arm were instead in his lungs. He wanted to scream out, he was suffocating.
When Dean sat down next to Pharm and held his hand their blossoms seemed to flourish and it made it hard to breathe in anything but more petals. His mind was racing and he had to get away, away from everyone for a moment to catch his breath and rip the petals out.
___
Win was watching Team carefully. It was rare that the raven haired boy was so quiet, and it was not his usual quiet even then. He seemed distracted, like someone who was watching the world move around them as if underwater. He glanced at the other’s hands and noticed them shaking on his lap. Win reached out for Team before his brain even processed what he was doing. When his fingertips brushed his wrist Team flinched as if burned. He quickly stood up, stumbling over his own legs and words.
“I n-need to head h-home and s-study, see everyone t-tomorrow.” Team rushed away, everyone nodded their own goodbyes before returning to their conversations. Except for Win, who watched Team flee.
He had seen the tears in the corners of Team’s eyes and it made his heart ache. Wim wasn’t sure when, in the months they had been in each other’s presence this had happened. It wasn’t like they were friends per say- they often spent time together with swim practice and what with their best friends dating each other. But this feeling Win kept having when he looked at Team wasn’t the normal feeling of kinship, it was more than that. More than Win has ever felt for anyone else, and that feeling made up his mind for him.
“Alright, this lovely dovey display is going to make me sick. I’m calling it a day, see ya guys later.” Win waved to the rest of the table, swiftly dodging the smack Pharm threw his way and laughing at the glare Dean sent. He made his way to the parking lot, twirling his bike’s keys on his finger.
When he made it to the dorm he did not expect much. But he really didn’t expect to find Team’s door slightly opened, lights off, and Team nowhere to be seen. Win pushed the door lightly, letting it open enough to let him see inside better.
“Team? Are you here?” His voice was a lot louder in the emptiness than he had intended, but he heard the small shuffling anyway. It sounded like clothes ruffling from a bit farther in. He pushed the door open more and stepped inside this time. “Team?” This time it was a shaky breath he heard, and it motivated him to step forward into the room, closer to the noise.
What he saw wasn’t anything he could have expected. Team was curled into the corner of his room, in between the wall and his desk. His cheeks were red and blotchy, tear streaks marking his face, and his nails scraping his arms. He was heaving and scrambling back against the wall as Win stepped closer.
“Team? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Win reached out to take Team’s hands away from his marked arms, causing him to flinch away again.
“What are you doing here?” Team was all but screeching, pushing Win’s hands away. Win could see the tears streaming down Team’s face, could hear his breathing rasp out as if each breath wasn’t enough, could practically taste the desperation in his voice.
“I’m here for you Team. What happened?” Win brushed Team’s hands off and tried to reach out again. This time he managed to gently take hold of Team’s shaking shoulders and pull him towards himself. Team followed his touch for a moment almost as if calmed before jolting back again, scratching at Win in attempt to get him away. Win fell back at the motion, stunned at the violent reaction.
“Go away!” Team pushed at Win’s shoulders, at his arms that kept reaching out, at anything that he could reach as he kept pushing himself against the wall. “Leave me alone!”
“I can’t do that Team.” Win finally managed to grasp Team’s wrists, managed to get the upper hand so Team couldn’t fight against him. “Let me help you.” Win looked at Team in desperation. Team went completely still for a moment before falling forward into Win’s chest, a vehement sob making his entire body tremble in his arms.
They stayed like that, Team sobbing against Win as he stroked his hair. Win had lost track of time before Team started to calm. His shaking had subsided and he tilted his head to the side as he rubbed his eyes childishly. The action caused a tug at Win’s heart, it was endearing how after all that Team managed to be cute without even knowing it.
“I’m not going to ask what happened, but I’m not leaving you alone tonight.” Win’s voice was gentle in the still air, not wanting to cause the delicate balance to tip, “I’ll sleep on the floor.”
“No.”
Win took a deep breath. “Team, I’m not-”
“I won’t let you sleep on the floor, Hia.” Team looked up at Win finally, his eyes were glassy and his voice was barely above a whisper. He got up slowly, legs a bit shaky as he tugged on Win’s hand to stand with him before walking to the edge of the bed.
Win understood what Team was asking, what he was trying to tell him. He didn’t want to sleep alone. He didn’t hesitate before climbing under the blanket after Team, but he wasn’t sure what to do next. He could hear Team’s occasional hiccups, teary sniffle, could feel the tense muscles every time Team moved. He didn’t think about it, he just reached out for Team and pulled him closer. He let Team settle against his chest, head tucked under Win’s chin, arms wrapped around each other’s torso. It was warm and comforting, especially when Win began to stoke patterns on Team’s shoulder blades. Within minutes Team was out, Win following soon after.
___
They didn’t talk about it again, but there was a new understanding between them now. Win didn’t ask questions, and Team knocked on Win’s door more frequently now. It was always the same. With Team on the verge of a breakdown, Win would wrap him up in his arms. They would either fall onto his bed or the couch at the edge of his room. He would draw patterns on Team’s skin, up his arms, down his back, sometimes if he was daring and Team had stopped crying he would trace the lines of his face. Eyebrow, nose, cheek, jaw. Sometimes Team would smile other times he would tense and tetter on the brink of a new freak out. Sometimes after the episode was done, after they fell asleep Win would be woken up. Team gasping for air like a drowning child, his hands gripping the shits or Win’s shirt. Win would have to whisper those ones away, Team not fully aware of anything other then Win’s calming voice.
This routine of theirs continues for a while, both finding comfort in each other’s arms most nights. That was until Team suddenly stopped showing up. It had been a week since there was a knock on Win’s door, a week since Win was able to fall asleep to the sound of Team’s soft breathing, a week since Win felt comforted by the heat of the other’s body next to his. It was unsettling, but Team seemed fine. He was acting his usual self around everyone as they shared lunch. His times were dropping again and he seemed happy. But Win had been studying Team for a while now and he knew better. He was good at reading the masks Team put on in front of others, seeing how the smiles never quite made his eyes sparkle the way they did when Win tell him silly stories when they laid down and Team hadn’t fallen asleep yet.
That’s why Win found himself knocking on Team’s door. If he wasn’t going to go to Win’s room anymore he would just have to come here. He knew Team was home, had seen his car parked when he arrived on his bike after a few extra hours of practice, but there was no answer.
He knocked again. “Team please answer it’s just me.” He spoke loud enough to be heard through the door.
There was a sound of shuffling and a muffled response. “Go away.”
Win could hear the tell tale signs that Team had been crying in his voice. He had grown so accustomed to it, and that thought made his stomach do a somersault. He pressed his forehead against the wood of the door and sighed softly. “Please let me in.”
“Just leave me alone, Hia. Please.” Team’s voice broke and a muffled sob echoed in Win’s ears.
“I can’t do that.” Win almost fell forward when Team swung the door open.
“Why can’t you just leave? Why do you keep doing this to me?” Team was panting as he tried to keep himself upright, voice gaining volume with every word.
Win automatically tried to step closer, to wrap his arms around Team. “Because I care about you, Team” And then he stopped, Team’s last sentence finally sinking in. “What am I doing?”
“You try to act like you care but it hurts Hia! You can’t keep doing this to me! I can’t handle it anymore!” Team was crying so hard it shook his whole body, he looked like he hadn’t slept in a week, like he hadn’t eaten in almost as long. The thought made Win sick.
“Team I care about you so much! I can’t see you like this, please let me help you.” Win was starting to shake to, he had never felt so dependent on another person’s well being before. Had never felt this passionately about another person before. He grabbed Team’s shoulders like he did that first night and shook him slightly. “Team I love you and I can’t see you like this.”
Team wheezed and pushed Win away weakly. “You can’t say that! You can’t say that. Hia it hurts.” He hit his hands against Win’s chest, tears blurring everything around him.
“Team, Team look at me.” Team couldn’t bring himself to, he let his knees buckle and he tumbled to the ground. Win catching him in his arms kneeling down in front of him. “Team I can say that all I want because it’s true.”
“You can’t. Hia you’re so good and I am a monster.” He was choking on his words, shoulders slumped in defeat.
Win brought the boy against his chest and began to run his fingers through his hair, he spoke softly but firm enough to leave no room for argument. “You are not a monster. You are incredably smart, you care about your friends so much, you are good at swiming and video games, you listen to my dumb stories and even laugh at them. Team you are an amazing person and I love you.” Team was still in his arms. He was clutching onto the front of Win’s shirt tightly. “Please just let me take care of you, you don’t have to feel anything but I can’t watch you tear yourself apart like this.” He was starting to ramble and he knew it, but he couldn’t let Team push him away again. He needed to help the boy in his arms.
“Hia. Hia stop.” Team’s voice was wrecked, crumbling at the edges.
“No Team, please. I promise that I won’t force you to do anything, but-” Win was cut off when Team moved, he had brought himself back just enough to look at Win’s face once before pressing his lips against Win’s.
___
The feeling was overwhelming. His heart was pounding. All he could sense was Win at first. The way heart was radiating off his body, the way his breath hitched at the first press of lips, the taste of him against his tongue, how soft his hair felt between his fingers. But then there was so much more.
The petals that had made their residence in his lungs fluttered all around, they skimmed against his skin before landing. Every nerve in his body was simultaneously on fire and completely numb. All he could focus on was the searing heat that was marked on every spot Win touched. His cheek, his neck, his hip, it was too much. He pulled back to gasp against Win’s lips, the first real breath he’d taken in months. He felt like he was floating as he looked at Win with wide eyes.
“I love you Hia. I love you. I love you.” He ended each sentence with a peck to Win’s face. Win’s resounding laugh made his heart flutter in a different way than what he was used to. He was free to say it aloud now, no longer afraid of the consequences and he was going to make up for lost time.
___
They laid in Team’s bed like the first night. They had disregarded their shirts this time, laying with their legs tangled and Team’s head on Win’s chest. They were quiet now, declarations done and the happy aftermath handing in the air around them. They were both exhausted from the pretences they had been pushing up until that point, but also savoring the moment too much to drift off so soon. Team gently thumbed the flowers on Win’s forearm, memorising every petal and stem.
The yellow Jasmine blossoms bloomed beside the bright blue Morning Glories. They twisted around the center bunch of purple and white rimmed Heliotropes. Team was in awe at how beautiful it looked against Win’s skin. Win smiled down at Team and grabbed his left wrist. He pressed a kiss to every blossom until Team was giggling. A flush sitting quite nicely on his cheeks.
Win kissed each blood orange Marigold, Ran his nose up the stem of every single blue Salvia, before he pressed a firm kiss against the purple white Heliotropes at the center. When he was done he tugged on his wrist softly, until Team got the hint to lean up so Win could press kisses to the rest of his skin. His shoulders, neck, jaw, cheek, and lips were lovingly covered in delicate kisses. It made Team’s head spin with how much he loved it, with how much he loved Win.