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It wasn't much of a secret that Richard, who -- unlike his predecessor -- had not been made to blend in smoothly with society, was rather oblivious to the majority of human traditions. This showed especially on Valentine's Day 2040, his very first, seeing as he had not been woken until a few months after the revolution.
"I'm afraid I simply do not understand why everyone seems to be so very obsessed with the 14th February. Isn't it a day like any other?" The RK900 moved his eyes away from his terminal to look at Connor, who shook his head.
"It's Valentine's day, Nines." God, how he hated it when someone other than Gavin used that nickname for him. "It's supposed to be a day of appreciation and affection. You do something nice for your partner and your partner does something nice for you back."
And, see, here's where the misunderstanding happened: both were more advanced models, but as competent as they were at their jobs, they lacked in basic communication skills. They didn't know how to express themselves clearly, much less how to refrain from taking things a little too literally.
To Connor, "partner" referred to a love interest.
To Richard, "partner" referred to a colleague.
For a few moments, his gaze lifted from his desk and he glanced over at Detective Reed. Do something nice for his partner? Should he ...?
"And who are you planning to spend the day with?" He inquired, more out of politeness than actual genuine interest, looking back at the older android.
Connor's eyes seemed to brighten immediately. "Lazarah, of course. It'll be our first Valentine's day spent together." He was blushing -- a feature that Richard didn't understand the reason for and had yet to make use of.
Lazarah was an android working at the coroner's office and what she lacked in competence she tried hard to make up in eagerness. Her model was outdated and her demeanor overly emotional, but for some reason that Richard failed to grasp, Connor seemed fond of her.
Perhaps it was because she was more fond of "partner appreciation" than Lieutenant Anderson, who dismissed every attempt to bring up Valentine's day with increasingly grumpier complaints.
"And what exactly are you planning to do?"
"Glad you asked!" The gleam in Connor's eyes was joyful to the point of bordering on mania. "The most classic thing to do would be going out for dinner, but since we can't do that, I decided we would just go to the nearest library and spend some of the day there. She likes books, you know, and doing something tailored to her personality will hopefully bring a smile to her face. And after that, I figured we could take a walk, maybe down the graveyard, and in the evening, we're going to go and stargaze. There's this beautiful field outside of Detroit where–"
And that was when Richard tuned out. With all due respect, he did not have the nerve to listen to Connor's sheer endless gushing. He was a little too busy thinking up ideas his own partner would enjoy.
***
Gavin had never actually been to Richard's apartment. Hell, he didn't even know he had one until that damn android had called him over about half an hour ago. And just when he was about to start the second Nightmare on Elm Street, too. Because he was absolutely the kind of person to watch horror movies on Valentine's day.
He knocked on the apartment door a little firmer than necessary. Huffing, he listened to the footsteps on the other side grow louder until the door was opened and he came face to face with his colleague (ugh). "What the fuck was important enough for you to call me here in the middle of my movie marathon?"
"Detective. I'm glad you were able to meet me. I'm very sorry about your movie, but this really couldn't wait until tomorrow. Please, come in." Richard -- ridiculously formal as always -- stepped aside to allow Gavin to come in. "If you would please take your shoes off. I'll take your jacket."
He did as he was told, but not without scowling at him first. While he slipped out of his shoes and placed them next to the door, the robot hung up his jacket and walked down the hall towards what Gavin presumed was the door into the living room.
He was quick to follow, even allowing Nines to open the door for him (and only throwing him a passing glance that said "why the fuck would you do that?" in the process) only to stop in his tracks once he finally caught a glimpse of the actual room.
Gavin could only assume that it was usually a very neat room, looking largely unlived-in. Normally, the pillows on the white leather sofa were probably arranged so neatly it looked like he used a ruler to place them, the books -- why did he have books anyway? -- on the shelf were sorted alphabetically and every piece of furniture was set up so carefully that the overall picture looked like something out of a designer furniture catalogue.
However, that wasn't what threw Gavin off this much. It wasn't even the fact that the majority of he furniture had been moved to the walls to make space for a picnic blanket to be spread out in the middle of the floor. What surprised Gavin the most was the fact that the entire room, floor to ceiling, was covered in fairy lights, candles and red roses.
"I suggest closing your mouth before you catch flies, detective," Richard commented, with a voice so neutral you'd think he hadn't just led his colleague into the very epitome of romantic kitsch.
Gavin hadn't noticed his jaw had dropped until Richard pointed it out, but even when he recollected some of his composure, all he could muster was, "B-but ... Richard, what the fuck?! Why did you– what in the name of Anderson's ugliest Hawaiian shirt is this?!"
"I was informed that typical Valentine's day traditions entail spending quality time with your partner. Since we have had some difficulties adjusting to one another, I figured this would be a nice opportunity to get to know each other in a more relaxed environment. It might make the experience of working together a little more harmonious, don't you think so?"
"Fuck no, I don't think so! Whatever you've been told about Valentine's day, this is not what it means."
The android looked at him with a mixture of disappointment and confusion that, for some strange goddamn reason, reminded Gavin of the face Tina's puppy made whenever they got up to leave her apartment without him. "I'm afraid I don't quite understand what my error was. Connor told me he's spending the day with an android from the forensics department."
"Because they're dating. Valentine's day is a romantic holiday, you rubber-brained moron," Gavin scoffed. For someone who pretended to be so much smarter than everyone else, Nines was remarkably stupid. "When he said partner, he meant his girlfriend, not his co-workers."
"... Oh. So that's why Lieutenant Anderson was so annoyed at me when I tried to bring the subject up to him."
The following silence was one of the most awkward things Gavin had ever experienced. Even thinking about it years later made him cringe with embarrassment.
Richard had gone through quite a bit of effort into setting all of this up. Had bought candles and lights and flowers, had put more thought into this whole thing than all of Gavin's ex-boyfriends in every date he'd ever had with them combined. And it was all completely by accident.
Sometimes, when you're supposed to be shocked or angry, the hilarity of a situation just comes crashing down on you. This entire premise, everything about this was so very dumb that Gavin couldn't help but burst into laughter so hard his stomach hurt.
"Detective? Are you alright?" He felt Richard's hand on his back and nodded, trying not to keel over laughing.
"Yeah yeah, I'm fine ... totally normal, absolutely fuckin' peachy." Gavin had to gasp for breath. "You just ... you set up an entire fucking date … by accident! Because you're so oblivious. I'm really sorry, but that's fucking hilarious."
It took him a while to be able to breathe normally again and he had to hold on to the doorframe to ensure he wouldn't fall to the floor. When Gavin looked up at Nines' confused, embarrassed and strangely disappointed face, he felt just the smallest twinge of guilt surge through his chest.
"Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh at you," he explained quickly. "Just, I mean, this is really funny. I've never had someone accidentally invite me on a date."
Nines tilted his head to the side, once again looking like a pet left in the rain. "It's alright if you would like to leave. I understand that I made a mistake and I can assure you it will never happen again. I'm sorry for wasting your time."
Gavin hated himself for having to admit it, but when he looked at Nines at that very moment, he felt a strange sort of affection for him. His eyes flickered over to the carefully set up indoor picnic, then back to the android. He shook his head. Fuck, he'd meant well, there was no way he could just leave now. "No. I'm already here, aren't I? Might as well stay a little bit. I mean, it sure as hell beats soaking in my own misery and tweeting about how single I am just to delete it in the morning."
Just seeing the way his face lit up at Gavin's words made it worth it. "Great! Amazing. Wonderful. Have you eaten? I was thinking of ordering some Chinese food in case you're hungry. Of course I could always cook for you if you would prefer that, but then I'd have to hurry to the grocery store real quick, since my fridge is completely empty except for a bottle of wine that I got for you, but–"
Richard was silenced by Gavin putting his hand on his shoulder with a smile more tender than he'd ever seen before. "Chinese sounds fine."
***
Gavin had genuinely no idea how he had ended up like this, but here he was, lying on his back in the living room, Richard's arm around his shoulders, laughing until tears pricked the corners of his eyes. As it turned out, the plastic boy did have a sense of humor, he just knew how to hide that fact very well.
Or maybe Gavin just found everything a little too funny because of that bottle of wine that Richard had offered him.
"There's one thing I still don't understand though. You didn't even question what Connor told you. Why?" Gavin asked, wiping his eyes and looking up at who he presumed was a newfound friend.
"I wasn't programmed to question things. My social competences only go as far as obeying orders and doing my job properly. And even after deviating, a part of that still resides within me," he explained softly, avoiding eye contact by fixating his eyes on the ceiling.
"Shit, man, that's awful. You gotta question things, make sure you aren't gonna get screwed over. There's some bad people out there who are gonna try to hurt you." Gavin patted the robot's shoulder. "The world is a dangerous place, take it from mama Gavin and look out for yourself."
Richard chuckled. "Will do. I'll try to stop jumping to conclusions so quickly as well."
"Good robot. Now, speaking of asking questions," Gavin said as a thought from earlier popped back into his head. "Why do you own books? You could just look up the plot of all these stories with that big internet brain of yours, couldn't you?"
"Yes, but that wouldn't be the same, would it? I like books. And I prefer real ones of paper over e-books. They feel more pleasant to hold. Plus, reading is a very human thing, wouldn't you agree?"
"Suppose it is. Got a favorite quote, you nerd?" Gavin joked.
"Indeed, I have." Richard cleared his throat, even though Gavin was 100% positive that that wasn't necessary. "From Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice: 'To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love.' I always liked the idea of knowing how to dance. And of falling in love as well, in a way. Though I suppose I should learn the intricacies of human communication first before allowing myself to get into a relationship."
The detective smiled fondly. "Well, we should probably take some time with the second one, but I can totally try and teach you how to dance. My mother and stepdad took me with them to their dance classes a lot as a kid and I still remember a thing or two." He sat up.
Richard's eyes started to gleam. "You would do that for me? Right now?"
"Of course. You set all this up for me, didn't you? The best I can do is repay you with a spontaneous dance lesson. Trust me, this whole thing is already so strange that slow dancing with an android isn't gonna make that much of a difference in terms of weirdness. C'mon, get your plastic ass off the ground and put on some music." Gavin clapped once and stood up, extending his hand to help Nines up.
Richard took his hand and it felt warm and good and right. "In that case, I suppose I can't say no."
Maybe this whole situation wasn't too bad after all.