Work Text:
Today had started just like any other day for everyone else in the world but for Jimin it was the beginning of the end. Everything was coming to an end. He sat at the dining table in the apartment he had been sharing with Yoongi for the last two years, holding the letter he had written for him in his hand. His suitcase waited by the front door for him.
Not too long ago Jimin had received the news that had completely shattered his world. He was suffering from prostate cancer. Stage M1b prostate cancer to be exact. At first he didn’t believe it when his Jungkook, his doctor, had told him so – he was only twenty three years old for God’s sake! But soon enough Jimin began to notice the truth for himself, from the difficulties he had started experiencing in the bathroom to the random back pains that often made him cry out loud in pain. Jimin felt like his whole life had been put on hold; every day he ran on auto pilot. He just went through the motions for the sake of going through the motions; Jimin woke up, had breakfast, went to work at his dance academy, occasionally went for another check up with Jungkook and kept in contact with Yoongi through calls, texts and the occasional video chat. He even made sure to met with his Namjoon and the rest of friends every weekend but nothing really mattered any more. Nothing.
Earlier today he’d been to the hospital again to see if there was anything else that Jungkook could do - to see if he had any more options but he’d been told that from now all he could do was give Jimin some more time. Jungkook said that at the very most he only had about seven more months to live. Jimin supposed the only good thing was that Yoongi was away on a business trip in America. He had gotten the opportunity to work with well respected foreign musicians and producers so he didn’t have a clue what was going on with Jimin. Whenever Yoongi called or Skyped, Jimin pretended to be the happy and cheerful boyfriend he knew and loved. It kind of hurt Jimin that Yoongi didn’t realise he was faking it all.
The letter Jimin was holding in his hands was the letter that would set Yoongi free. He didn’t need to be looking after a sick and dying boyfriend when he had so many other things to do. He didn’t need to be mourning Jimin’s death and carrying a heavy heart with him when he had so much life to live. He had thousands of people that looked up to him, admired him and depended on him and on his music to make it through each and every day. He had so much joy to give them and receive in return so Jimin decided to leave him now before he left him forever and destroyed his happiness.
Jimin walked around their apartment for the very last time, clutching desperately at the letter in his hand. He walked through the living room, ensuring he took every trace of his presence with him. He walked through the kitchen and made sure the fridge and the cupboards were fully stocked up for Yoongi. Jimin knew that sometimes he got so caught up in producing that he would forget to go grocery shopping. He walked into the bedroom to make sure he had taken all his pictures, gifts and clothes with him. He even made sure his side of the bed didn’t smell like him. Jimin wanted Yoongi to carry on as though he hadn’t existed - as though their lives hadn’t touched. As he walked through the apartment he reminisced on all the good times they had had together.
Jimin remembered the first kiss that they had shared one night when Yoongi had invited him over for a movie marathon, not too soon after they had started dating. The evil idiot had decided to make him watch Drag Me To Hell even though he knew how easily frightened Jimin was. To his delight Jimin spent the entire movie with his head buried in Yoongi’s chest. Yoongi held him close, whispered soothing words in his ears and ran his hands through Jimin’s hair to calm him down. When the movie had finished he’d tilted Jimin’s head up and given him a quick peck on the lips.
“I’ll always protect you.” he’d told Jimin.
Jimin remembered the day he’d moved in with Yoongi. After the two of them had brought all their boxes and suitcases in, with some help from the rest of the guys, they’d snuggled up on the sofa together. Jimin sat in Yoongi's lap as he had his arms wrapped around Jimin's waist with his large hands almost enveloping all of Jimin. Or at least that's what it felt like. Yoongi had his head resting on the younger's shoulder and Jimin could feel his warm breath tickling his neck.
“These arms are where you belong.” he’d told Jimin.
Jimin also remembered the first time he’d been sick and Yoongi had looked after him. It had only been a small cold but he’d insisted that Jimin stay in bed and not lift a finger. Yoongi cleaned and tidied and cooked and fussed - he had even taken the day off work! Jimin wasn’t allowed to get up unless it was to go to the bathroom and even then Yoongi insisted on carrying him there with the excuse that Jimin could faint at any moment. Even though Yoongi's worrying was excessive, it was sweet nonetheless to see how much he really did care for him. He cooked chicken noodle soup and fed Jimin. After he was done eating Yoongi stroked the younger's cheek and leaned down to kiss his slightly damp and feverish forehead.
“I’ll always look after you.” he’d told Jimin.
And Jimin knew Yoongi meant every word. He knew that it would be difficult but Yoongi would somehow manage to hold it together. He would put every effort into looking after Jimin and being there for him. He would cancel his schedule for the foreseeable future. He would probably quit making music and start using his Photography degree to do freelance work to provide the best healthcare possible but Jimin wasn’t worried about all that. That wasn’t the issue; he was more worried about how Yoongi would be once he left him.
Jimin knew that when Yoongi fell in love he did so absolutely and from the stories Namjoon had told he didn’t take break ups too well so how would he deal with something as absolute as death? Jimin couldn’t imagine the grief Yoongi would go through after he would be gone and he refused to do that to him.
Jimin stood at the door now with his suitcase in his hand. He’d left the letter he'd written on Yoongi's pillow for him to find later. And then he walked out, never looking back.
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A few days later…
Yoongi had arrived in back in Seoul in the middle of the night to enjoy a peaceful flight and avoid traffic but ever since they had entered Korean airspace he had this overwhelming sense of urgency Like he had to go home as soon as possible. It felt as though something was wrong. Yoongi couldn't help worrying especially since he had noticed that Jimin had been looking a bit down lately. He didn’t want to say anything on Skype though, considering he wouldn’t be there to comfort him in person. Yoongi decided to listen to his gut feeling, seeing as it had never been wrong before and quickly hailed a passing taxi.
He made it home in record time and he could already definitely tell something was wrong. It was just after 3am and the porch lights were turned off. Jimin always made sure to leave the porch lights on, especially if he was staying home alone. Another sign that something was wrong was the fact that the mailbox seemed to overflowing as though no one lived here.
Yoongi's heart stopped.
He jumped out the taxi, threw a few bills at the driver and ran to the front door as quickly as he could. Yoongi struggled to opened the door with fumbling hands and the second he managed to unlock the door he ran through the hallways and into every room only to see the same thing - all the lights had been turned off and there was a very fine layer of dust on all the surfaces. Even worse, all of Jimin’s things were gone. His clothes were gone, all of their pictures were gone and every single gift they’d ever exchanged was missing too.
Yoongi's blood turned to ice.
Frantically he pulled his phone out his pocket, dialled 1 on speed dial and pressed the phone to his ear.
"The number you have dialled has been disconnected or is no longer in service…"
He threw his phone on the ground in anger and ran a hand through his hair. What had happened? Had Jimin left him? Yoongi walked through each room again, sure that this couldn't just be the end.
He came across a letter on his pillow that he hadn't noticed in his haste.
He knew Jimin wouldn't leave like this; that he just wouldn’t leave at least without a goodbye.
He sat on the bed, unfolded the letter and began to read…
“My dearest Yoongi hyung,
I don’t quite know how to tell you this. I suppose I should just say it, right?
I met someone else. Another man and his name is Jungkook. I’ve left you for him though I suppose you can already tell that by now...
Let me start from the beginning. I met him when you were away working. I was so lonely and he was there for me. At first it was innocent, I promise - you know I’m not that kind of guy. I ran into him one day on the way to work and spilled my coffee all over him. I apologised profusely and was on the verge of tears when he calmed me down and convinced me it was alright. After that we would meet at the coffee shop occasionally and just talk about life. But before I knew it I had developed feelings for him. I found myself thinking of him instead of you. I blushed when he smiled at me. When I heard his name I got this warm feeling inside and when he touched me my blood turned to fire. Just the way it was in the beginning with you.
I’m a horrible person, aren’t I? I had a boyfriend, a wonderful, perfect boyfriend that did nothing but love me. I shouldn’t be thinking of another man much less developing feelings for him! I felt guilty so I stopped talking to him.
I was lonely yet again but this time it was by my own doing. I was sitting alone at home reminiscing on the past; staring into the darkness like I did so often when I remembered something you’d told me when we first got together. When you first took me to your studio. Do you remember?
You had been telling me how much you had to sacrifice to get to where you are now and I had asked if you why you’d even bothered. You’d chuckled softly and then you’d told me.
“Sometimes you have to do the hardest things in life to get the most beautiful things in life.”
You were right Yoongi hyung. The hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life was leaving you but maybe now I can get the most beautiful thing in life – true love.
I’m sorry. I don’t know when my love for you faded but it did. I wish I could change it.
Yoongi hyung, I know you’re angry at me and most probably disappointed but that’s okay. I deserve all that but the thing I don’t want you to be is sad. I don’t want you to feel pain because of a personal as lowly as me.
I took everything. I don’t want you to walk around in your own home and be reminded of the fact that I couldn’t stay true to you. I want you to live like our lives never touched.
Forget about me because sometimes you have to do the hardest things in life to get the most beautiful things in life.
Goodbye.”
Yoongi swore he could feel his heart breaking into a thousand tiny pieces. He couldn’t believe it was really over. He couldn’t believe it had gone this far without him realising. What kind of boyfriend had he really been? He folded the letter carefully back into its envelope and put into his drawer.
He laid down on Jimin's side of the bed that only smelt like fresh detergent. He wanted to cry and scream and shout but he couldn’t. He felt hollow. Like he was empty. Like his heart was gone. Like Jimin had taken it with him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5 months later…
It had been a while since Jimin had left. Yoongi was a lot better now but he still wasn't the same. Every now and then he would find himself doing something silly like dialling Jimin's number at the end of a long night of recording to tell him he would be coming home soon. At times like those Yoongi wondered how he was. He hoped he was happy.
Yoongi stepped into the recording studio when the sombre faces of his friends greeted him. He was confused but that confusion soon turned to shock. Hoseok was crying in the corner and Namjoon was sat on the sofa with a pale face. Yoongi's eyebrows furrowed but before he could say a single word Taehyung shoved the obituary page of the local newspaper in Yoongi's face.
His picture.
“Park Jimin recently passed away at the tender age of twenty four after a length battle with terminal cancer. He had been suffering of the disease for the last six months and finally lost his fight on Friday night at 6pm at home surrounded by his family. May God bless his soul.”
Yoongi couldn’t breathe. Yoongi couldn’t speak. Nothing made sense any more. He felt himself falling, though his tears hit the ground long before he did.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few days after he found out he finally calmed down enough to come to his senses and think rationally. Yoongi decided to go visit Jimin's family to pay his respects but above all to apologise. He had gotten along tremendously well with his mother, given that he basically grew up in her house and almost saw her as his own mother. He had also gotten along well with Jimin's dad though things had changed after they had started dating.
Yoongi knocked on the family’s door and as soon as it sprung open Jimin's mother pulled him into a bone crushing hug. They sat on the sofa together crying for a long time. His father sat on the arm chair and watched them silently though Yoongi swore he saw him wipe at his own eyes more than once. Yoongi apologised for letting Jimin go so easily, he apologised for not being there for him and he apologised for leaving Jimin alone when he needed Yoongi the most.
They told him that they didn’t blame him. Jimin had been adamant about Yoongi not finding out despite their hardest efforts to persuade him otherwise. They told him that Jimin didn’t want Yoongi to mourn him but rather to forget him. Yoongi laughed out loud at that point - how could he ever forget Jimin? They told him about how quickly Jimin had gotten sick and how miserable he’d been. They told him about all the pain he’d been through. They told him that the doctor initially gave Jimin longer to live but that his body just couldn’t keep the fight up any more.
Lastly they told him where Jimin was buried.
It was beautiful and exactly how he would have wanted it - simple and understated but still beautiful.
Yoongi brought him flowers. Fawn lillies; his favourite. He laid them on his grave along with a letter.
“You idiot,
why did you have to be so stupid? I told you I would always be there for you. I told you I would always protect you. I told you that you belonged in my arms so why did you leave me? Why did you leave when you needed me the most?
Of course I know why. You always think about other people before yourself. Instead of thinking about how ill you would get or the pain you would go through you thought about me and my pain. You left me to make things easier for me. You left me so I wouldn’t mourn you.
And I wouldn’t have mourned you had I not found out. It was in the newspaper, you know? In the obituary page. I came to the recording studio like on any other day but the guys looked so troubled. Before I had a chance to ask what was wrong they showed me the newspaper. The members must have read it before me because Namjoon and Hoseok were devastated. They still hadn’t properly dealt with you leaving but to find out you were really gone was too much for the both of them. Taehyung hasn’t really said a word since he’s found out and Jin hyung hasn’t been much better though he’s been pretending he’s okay for our sake. I’ve seen him cry a few times.
But that’s beside the point; I don’t want you to feel bad for what you had to do. I don’t want you to feel guilty. I forgive you and the boys all forgive you. Instead I want you to know that I will be sad and angry at you for a while but I will get better. I did it once so I can do it again.
I want you to know that I will let go one day but that I won’t ever forget you because you taught me that sometimes you have to do the hardest things in life to get the most beautiful things in life.
I’m sorry.”
Yoongi kissed Jimin's headstone and then he walked away without looking back.